Cliché: ‘There’s no I in Team’. Linguistically correct; yet conceptually so wrong! Inspiring and effective teamwork is always a dynamic interplay between I, you, we and they. It’s the magic that occurs where personal leadership and team leadership intersect and collide; releasing fresh insight, energy and potential. Here (below) is a short case example. What do you think? I remember their faces vividly. I was invited to work as team coach with a leadership team that was experiencing significant conflict. Our introductory meeting was filled with deafening silences, with team members looking around or down at their notes to avoid painful eye contact. The next step was to meet with each team member individually. A resounding, recurring theme emerged: the conflict was between 2 team members, with each of the 2 attributing the blame to the other, and the rest of the team were innocent bystanders. It was the 2 protagonists who needed to change. I invited each of the bystanders, separately, to look back to the last time conflict erupted in a team meeting. ‘What happened?’ They each described the behaviour of the 2. ‘And what did you do?’ They each described sitting back, saying nothing. ‘And why was that?’ Their responses ranged from, ‘I didn’t want to get caught up in the conflict’ to, ‘I didn’t want to be seen as taking sides’ to, ‘I didn’t want to make things worse.’ I pressed on with the challenge, ‘So, as a leader, what could-will you do differently next time?’ They looked bemused, or alarmed, and shuffled uncomfortably in their seats. What we are seeing here is an intersection between personal leadership and team leadership. The conflict between the 2 was influenced, or supported, or sustained, by the behaviour, the passivity, of the wider group. I teased out different scenarios with the bystanders, the kinds of interventions they could make instead: e.g. ‘I feel really uncomfortable when this kind of conflict breaks out in a meeting.’; ‘When you 2 fight, I find myself withdrawing.’; ‘Let’s find another way to tackle this that doesn’t get so heated.’; ‘Let’s look at how to hold robust conversations that feel more constructive.’ At the next team meeting, I invited team members to share their reflections from our conversations, along with what they would take responsibility for and what they were willing to do. I was amazed by the courage and humility that surfaced: ‘I sometimes sit quietly and don’t say anything when I should. I’m going to try to speak up in future. I want you to help me to do it.’; ‘I play it safe when I should take more risks. From now on, I’m going to say what I’m thinking and feeling, even if I feel scared.’ It was the start of a transformational leadership-team process…where everyone changed. How can I help you build a more inspiring and effective team? Get in touch! info@nick-wright.com
22 Comments
Giovanna Reda, MPhil
21/8/2019 12:44:38 pm
Wonderful insights for team leaders and team members. Never be afraid of honest and open conversations!
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Nick Wright
21/8/2019 12:47:15 pm
Thanks Giovanna! On the theme of 'afraid', you may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/hide-and-seek
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Robin Sawan
22/8/2019 11:47:07 am
It is what you said, "Inspiring and effective teamwork is always a dynamic interplay between I, you, we and they". There are many I's & You's in the team & they become We when the game begins.
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Nick Wright
22/8/2019 11:48:44 am
Nicely put, Robin..! Systemically-speaking, there's always a 'they' dimension too as teams never exist, relate and perform in a bubble.
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Robin Sawan
22/8/2019 12:32:44 pm
Correct. There is no 'we' without 'they'.
Nick Wright
22/8/2019 12:34:53 pm
Hi Robin. I often find that exploring the perceived and experienced boundaries, identities, values, interfaces, influences etc. between the I, you, we and they domains is both fascinating and fruitful.
Robin Sawan
22/8/2019 01:34:40 pm
It definitely is fascinating, Nick.
Nick Wright
22/8/2019 01:35:14 pm
😀
Kevin Frisby
22/8/2019 05:45:29 pm
That's a really good article Nick. I like the approach here and I hope I can remember it if I find myself in a similar situation.
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Nick Wright
22/8/2019 05:46:15 pm
Hi Kevin - and thank you for such encouraging feedback!
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Rachel Garron, J.D.
23/8/2019 12:33:27 am
Excellent post that reveals that being a bystander to conflict can actually contribute to the conflict recurring because the 2 have no idea the true impact they are inflicting on those who remain silent.
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Nick Wright
23/8/2019 12:36:29 am
Thanks Rachel. Yes, my sense was that the bystanders were inadvertently colluding with the conflict. They believed they were powerless to deal with it. With coaching, however, they realised that a wide range of alternative interventions were available to them.
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Elisabeth Tootill
23/8/2019 09:03:03 am
Really interesting post Nick.
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Nick Wright
23/8/2019 09:04:52 am
Thanks Elisabeth - and good to hear from you after such a long time! 😀
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Pamela P.
24/8/2019 02:04:45 am
Very true, a leader inspires, includes and entrusts the team to deliver.
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Nick Wright
24/8/2019 02:08:54 am
Thanks Pamela. The challenge I posed to this team was for all team members to exercise far greater personal leadership, rather than look to the formal leader for inspiration and solutions, and thereby to empower and amplify their own resourcefulness, that of each other and that of the team as a whole. Does that make sense?
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Roz Tacon
28/8/2019 11:57:13 am
Thanks Nick - great work to hear about. Marshall Rosenberg writes brilliantly and practically on non violent communication from which I think we can all learn to find helpful words in challenging situations.
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Nick Wright
28/8/2019 11:59:12 am
Thanks Roz. Yes, I remember reading Marshall Rosenberg's work on NVC some years ago. I also like Helena Cornelius' and Shoshana Faire's 'Everyone Can Win - Responding to Conflict Constructively'.
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Tina Greenbaum
4/9/2019 08:19:20 pm
Very good points. Definitely agree!
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Nick Wright
4/9/2019 08:20:52 pm
Thanks Tina! 😀
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5/9/2019 08:57:45 pm
Hello Nick,
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Nick Wright
8/9/2019 06:48:03 pm
Hi Tara and thanks for such encouraging feedback. Yes, the approach I used shifted the team's attention from interpersonal conflict between two team members to a wider systemic view of the team as a whole.
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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