 ‘Above all, try something.’ (Franklin D. Roosevelt) Trilemma is a new word for me. It means to face a situation where we must decide between three desirable (or undesirable) and mutually-exclusive options. Some call it an ‘impossible trinity’ where, at most, we can (or must) choose only two of the three options and, thereby, must (at least from that perspective) give up on the third. I sometimes see this when working with Christian leaders who feel caught in an ambiguous ethical choice between, say, exercising personal agency vs showing respect to others vs trusting God to act. ‘Should I seize the initiative (agency)…or wait first to see what actions others may take (respect)…or pray instead to see what God will do (trust)?’ Ignatius of Loyola offered some partial advice to help resolve this: ‘Pray as if everything depends on God – and act as if everything depends on you.’ Oliver Cromwell offered similar guidance to his troops when crossing a river to face an enemy: ‘Trust God – and keep you (gun)powder dry.’ I wonder if a tetralemma may be a useful tool here too. Future Learn published an interesting, practical case example of a trilemma when discussing the potential trade-offs of policy goals to address drugs, peace and development. It demonstrates an interdependence of sorts between intersecting issues, so that addressing one or two may have unintended consequences for the third. When have you faced a trilemma? What did you do to resolve it?
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 ‘A virtuous cycle is a self-reinforcing loop in which a series of positive actions and outcomes continually strengthen each other.’ (Marc Wilson & Donnée MacDougall) I hardly slept on Saturday night then, yesterday evening, I spent time with friends in Germany. As it got late they offered me a lift in their car back to the apartment where I’m staying and, to their surprise, I declined. ‘Why not?’ they asked. ‘You’re very tired, it’s a 30 minutes’ walk and it’s freezing cold outside.’ ‘It’s OK. I'll walk.’ ‘But why?’, they persisted. ‘Because I don’t feel like walking.’ They looked at me completely puzzled now. Had something got lost in translation? ‘The last thing I feel like doing at the moment, when I’m tired and it’s so cold, is to walk back. Therefore, I’m choosing to walk back.’ It opened a curious discussion about self-discipline as a way to strengthen character, personal agency and resilience. It’s as if each time we make such a decision and act on it, it reinforces or changes something within us. Some philosophers argue that who we are and become is a cumulative consequence of such decisions and actions. Now don’t get me wrong. Even the best principles can get a bit crazy when pushed to extremes. Yet picture this. A person is feeling lethargic, demotivated, anxious or depressed and says they don’t feel like getting up in the morning; eating or drinking healthily; going outside for exercise, fresh air and open sky; meeting up with other people; doing something (e.g. as a volunteer) that creates a sense of achievement or makes a positive difference for others – so they don’t do it. The decision and action of not doing it, because in that moment it’s the last thing they feel like doing, actually reinforces their experience of lethargy, demotivation, anxiety or depression. It’s a vicious spiral. The solution, known in psychology as a virtuous cycle, is to do the exact opposite thing – whether we feel like it or not. In the moment, it will feel counterintuitive and we may need support from others to help break an old, fixed pattern and create a sustainable new one. Do you want to re-create your future? Get in touch!  ‘Rather than give instructions as declarations, we can offer invitations that increase agency.’ (David A. Treleaven) Leading today’s workshop with 15 trauma-informed practice (TIP) professionals in the UK was an inspiring experience. Focusing on leading and influencing change, we looked at how to role model TIP principles when seeking to embed it in organisational practice. The 5 core TIP principles we focused on are: safety, choice, collaboration, empowerment and trust. In my experience, if we try to superimpose TIP onto staff, teams or users of services in a way that lacks congruence with these principles, it can lead to scepticism, cynicism or resistance. This may be a particular and inadvertent risk if we are fired up with the TIP vision and, in our enthusiasm, forget that others may be in a very different starting place to our own. A more effective approach can be to engage, where possible, in authentic dialogue with key stakeholders. For instance, ‘If we were to introduce TIP in this service… (a) what would that mean for you and, in light of that (b) what would you need?’ It invites participation, helps ensure others feel heard and understood and offers the potential to co-create optimal solutions. Do you need help with leading and influencing change? Get in touch!  ‘Carpe diem – Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary.’ (Dead Poets Society) As I head off to Germany this weekend, my head is already filled with thoughts about a Future Leaders’ Programme, inspired by Jasmin, that I’ll be running for students in the Philippines next week alongside good friends: Eugene D’Cruz in Malaysia, Peirong Lin in Germany, Smita Singh in India and Mike Wilson in the UK. I’ll focus on Personal Leadership; Eugene on Gen Z Leadership; Peirong on Spiritual Leadership; Smita on EI Leadership and Mike on Visionary Leadership. It’s exciting to be part of this brand-new initiative that seeks to inspire graduating students to look inwards, upwards and outwards as they imagine and approach their futures. Who knows, after all, what part they could play in transforming Filipino society and beyond? Jasmin’s vision is to invest in real people, the poor. She prays in faith and hope, then looks to see who or what may emerge. I feel privileged to be involved and grateful to these friends for their unequivocal support.  ‘They were all ordinary until they took the extraordinary steps with courage to leave extraordinary footprints.’ (Ernest Agyemang Yeboah) ‘Extraordinary people are ordinary people making extraordinary decisions.’ (Sharon Pearson) Every now and again we meet someone who’s truly making history. This week, I had the privilege of meeting Usha Vishwakarma, leader of Red Brigade Lucknow in India. It was hard to not feel awestruck. After all, for me it felt a bit like meeting Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Teresa. However, Usha’s humble persona and presence immediately put me at ease. I was grateful to activist professor Smita Singh for making the introduction and for interpreting during our brief conversation. Some years ago, I had a similar feeling when I had the privilege of meeting Bob Geldof. It was only for a few seconds after hearing him share his life story, but as I stood in front of him and shook his hand, I struggled to find words that carried a fitting sense of gravity. I have this feeling, too, every time I work with the amazing Jasmin in the Philippines. Usha, Smita, Bob, Jasmin – all ordinary people who are using their own agency, their own lives, to do something extraordinary. Keen to develop your own personal agency, your own life story? Get in touch!  ‘Let’s build belief. Belief in the ability to lead change. Because confidence doesn’t just come from applause. It comes from mastery, reflection and action.’ (Smita Singh) How to follow Usha Vikwakarma of the incredible grass roots Red Brigade Lucknow, then to be followed immediately by legend William J Rothwell? That was the humbling invitation and challenge this morning, to speak on National Women’s Day in India at a special conference for Women in Leadership. Taking deep breaths to overcome my nervousness and imposter syndrome, I had the great privilege to speak alongside inspiring women Anjali Rai and Nidhi Mulik. I focused my own presentation on 3 sections: 3 women leaders who have been a profound source of inspiration in my own life (Jasmin in the Philippines; Mother Teresa; Ruth a former NGO leader); 3 challenges I've witnessed for women in leadership (individuals vs systems; self-reinforcing systems; exclusion within systems); 3 possible strategies to move things forward (developing personal agency; addressing wider systems; building effective alliances). A co-contributor, Abhishek Singh, raised the issue of social roles and social conformity in Indian culture and society and beyond. Nidhi posed an insightful challenge in response: ‘The question is not whether women are ready for leadership; but whether others are ready for their leadership.’ Anjali reflected powerfully too, ‘Women don’t cry because they’re weak; they cry because they’re unheard.’ ‘We choose catalytic over ceremonial.’ (convenor, Smita Singh).  ‘An opportunity to receive questions.’ I like this simple definition of coaching and action learning. Although the success of both depends on more than just questions, it nevertheless highlights the truth that questions lay at the heart of both disciplines. Questions have a power and potential to unlock amazing possibilities. It also points to the opportunity that coaching and action learning can offer to those who choose to draw on their benefits. The notion of opportunity, combined with ‘to receive questions’, suggests to me a spirit of invitation, to invite and to engage with stretch and challenge, not to endure something forced upon me. After all, questions imposed without willingness or readiness to receive can feel more like an interrogation, especially if the intentions are unclear or trust in the relationship is low. (Contracting is a way to address this). Marsha Setian, an expert in Kenya, frames coaching questions as a ‘gift’. I like that too. I often think of questions offered in coaching and action learning as a bit like food and drinks laid out on a buffet table. A guest (the client) is free to choose what to take or try or not, and what to do with it or not. There is no expectation or obligation to eat or drink everything placed on the table. This respects and reinforces agency. Imagine I’m struggling with a complex issue that's real and important to me, and I can’t seem to find a way forward. The coach or action learning group is an invaluable resource for me, posing questions that enable me to reflect more deeply and broadly, think critically, and find or create innovative solutions. In my experience, the eureka moments that so often arise make the effort and investment well worthwhile. Curious to discover how I can help you? Get in touch!  ‘Coaching is taking a player where they can't take themselves.’ (Jose Mourinho) ‘Why is it so difficult to coach myself?’ Good question. We often need another person because coaching isn’t just about having the right tools. It’s about creating a presence and reflective space we can’t generate alone. A coach can help provide perspective, emotional grounding, accountability and cognitive support that our brain literally can’t offer itself in real time. People have persistent cognitive blind spots, including the self-serving bias, where we sometimes attribute success to internal factors and failure to external ones (a phenomenon known as the bias blind spot). It means we can’t see our own assumptions clearly. A coach can offer external perspective to surface or challenge distorted narratives or hidden patterns. Emotion regulation, especially under stress, is more effective with social support from another. Neuroscience has shown that, for instance, holding someone’s hand reduces neural responses to threat. Self-coaching during emotional turmoil is like trying to fix a car while it’s on fire. A coach can help co-regulate our emotional state, helping us access rational thinking. We sometimes interpret our own actions based on circumstances but interpret others’ actions as revealing their character (a distinction known as the actor-observer bias). When you're in your own story, it's hard to gain distance or objectivity. A coach helps you become an observer of your own created narrative – something that’s almost impossible to do from the inside. Solving complex problems requires juggling competing thoughts and emotions. The working memory has limited capacity for simultaneous processing. Coaching requires meta-cognition: that is, thinking about our own thinking. It’s cognitively taxing to both reflect and reframe at once. A coach can help offload some of this mental burden, enabling deeper insight. Finally, behavioural change is more likely when someone else is involved, especially someone who provides non-judgmental accountability. Implementation intentions (plans to change behaviour) are significantly more effective when made public. When working with a coach, our intentions are less likely to stay in our head and more likely to be outworked in practice. Are you curious to work with a coach? Get in touch!  ‘The longest journey you will ever take is from your head to your heart.’ (Thich Nhat Hanh) I was co-training a group of managers this week in practical coaching techniques. The workshop included skills practice where one participant would coach another with a third acting as observer, followed by a review of discoveries. One of the things we reflected on was the power of reframing a question from, say, ‘Where are you at in your thinking now?’ to ‘What’s your gut feeling?’; or ‘How realistic do you think that is?’ to ‘How realistic does that feel?’ This kind of framing invites a person to pay attention to their intuition and emotion as potential sources of awareness and energy. It taps into something deep, beyond rationality, and can help make the shift from thinking about an issue or a solution to exercising agency in relation to that issue or solution. Tony Stoltzfus draws on this principle in ending coaching conversations: ‘What could you do?’ ‘Is that a step you want to take?’ ‘Hand on heart, what will you do?’  ‘When seeing is not believing.’ (Rob Toews) While Hurricane Melissa was wreaking real and devastating havoc in the Caribbean yesterday, reports of an incoming super-typhoon wreaked havoc of a different kind in the Asia Pacific. Deep fake news reports triggered disaster risk reduction measures, people raced out to panic buy emergency supplies and the prices of essential goods soared, hitting the poorest the hardest. The government’s meteorological authorities sent out urgent counter-messages to reassure a very nervous public – but who could know which messages were real and which were fake? This felt like a dark glimpse into an AI-generated future. Let’s be honest. Media news reports have always contained subtle (and some not-so-subtle) blends of information, drama and propaganda, but global politicians, social media and deep fake technologies in malicious hands have created a whole new era of confusion. How can we know what’s real and true when fake masquerades as truth and truth is framed as lies? Aspiring dictators create and seize on mass bewilderment and anxiety to offer simplistic solutions with claimed-clarity and security. As I reflect on this critically and reflexively, I can’t help but do some personal soul-searching too. How far is the persona I present, for example as a follower of Jesus, genuine and true? Jesus himself called out spiritual leaders of the time as hypocrites (literally, those who wear a mask), of hiding their true selves behind a façade to win approval. They had fallen into an elaborate form of deception, a self-destructive self-deception, akin to imposter syndrome in reverse. If we believe our own lies, what hope is left for us? God, help me be an authentic agent of truth. |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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