Nick Wright
  • Home
  • About
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
    • Other related topics
  • Briefings
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
    • Other related topics
  • Interviews
  • Blog
  • Audio
  • News
  • Resources
  • Testimonies
  • Contact

Who are we?

21/5/2011

77 Comments

 
If someone were to ask you the question, ‘Who are you?’ what would you say in reply? It’s a strangely difficult question. Ask me about my family, what I do for a job, my hopes and aspirations, what I like and dislike etc, no problem. But ask me who I am and I struggle to know what to say.  

Is it that I don’t know who I am, or I’m not sure how to answer the question without a broader frame of reference? I’m tempted to respond, ‘It all depends on what you mean by the question’ but that still doesn’t answer it. The only satisfactory response I can find is, ‘I’m a child of God.’

Social psychologists often propose that we know who we are, or what we are like as a person, by observing our own behaviour in a variety of situations. We notice how we behave then attribute personal values, attitudes, motivation etc. to it. Over a lifetime of experiences, we discover who we really are.

There’s something about this theory that resonates for me. After all, I’ve sometimes been surprised by how I’ve reacted in situations, as if my reactions and behaviours have been different to how I had imagined myself. Over time, I develop a picture of myself that feels more whole, more reliable.

An example comes to mind of taking part in a disaster relief team effort in Albania during the Kosova crisis. Having watched harrowing images on TV, I had expected to feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I was surprised, therefore, by my own sense of intrigue and excitement as the trip unfolded.

This theory gets tricky, however, when it comes to making decisions, making conscious choices. I face a dilemma and must choose a course of action. If I take the safe option, it reveals something about the kind of person I am. Conversely, if I take the risky option, that too reveals something about me.

The problem is that this hypothesis feels too deterministic, as if the kind of person I am is already set in stone, as if exposure to different experiences simply reveals what’s already there. But could it be that I have free choice and that my choices actually shape who I am and become?

An example comes to mind from the TV sci-fi series, Space Above and Beyond. The colonel faces an agonising decision over whether to accept a mission that will result in almost certain death. He takes the high risk option, having decided that’s the kind of person he wants and therefore chooses to be.

We experience tension when we fail to live up to the kind of person we believe we are, how we perceive ourselves to be. This tension could be driven by e.g. the demands of conscience, cultural norms, the expectations of significant others, our own aspirations or a need to preserve our self esteem.

So, who am I? I am the unique me, the genetic-physical-spiritual person that only I am, the socially-constructed me, that is, a person shaped by language, culture and interactions with others, and the chosen me, the person I have become as a result of my own free decisions and actions. So...who are you?
77 Comments
Sim
21/5/2011 08:21:45 pm

nice topic, mr Wright! Love you answer " the unique me", btw there is a test name "uniquely me" that I thought you might enjoy it (combining 7 spiritual gifts and personality types).

Reply
Nick Wright
21/5/2012 08:46:01 pm

Hi Sim. Thanks for the note. Tell us more about the 7 spiritual gifts and personality types? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Sammy
22/5/2011 07:06:05 pm

Who are we or more importantly - who am I?I am what the people around me expect me to be. I am the caring mother, who tends her children and watches them grow from tiny seedlings to strong young saplings ready to grow new leaves and discover the world. I am the wife, who caters to her partners needs above her own.'where are my boxers?' 'where is my phone charger?''where is my wallet?'... I am a cook, nay, chef who conjures up warm homely meals each evening, or who creates amazing dishes to please others at dinner parties. Who can make a three course meal out of an empty food cupboard when people just 'pop by'. Who plays the perfect host and smiles and laughs in all the right places.I am the 'innkeeper' always welcoming in guests and overnight stayers and giving them the 5-star hotel treatment, with very little thanks or appreciation.I am Sherlock Holmes, always on hand to solve the mystery of the missing school shoe, bunch of keys or dog. I am the filofax, diary keeper. Always making sure everyone gets to the lesson, party, meeting on time with all the equipment they need. I am the taxi - ready to ferry 'too-drunk-to-drive-my-car-home' man to his next destination, can you collect me from...? Can you drop me to...? I am the spider catcher, the pooper scooper, ice pack applier, the calpol dispenser, the clearer up of sick in the middle of the night.The knee to sit on and cry. The arms to wrap around a poorly child or grieving friend. But who wraps their arms around me whilst I grieve for the person I should be? I am the broken heart healer, when there's no one there to heal mine. I am the referee when there's a dispute as to why 'she's wearing my top!' row breaks out. I am the dog walker who walks round the park willing the dog to just get on with it because it's raining. I am the sat nav for the car journeys and for others lives, trying to steer things in the right direction with a calm voice in a small space. I am the full time worker trying desperately to be seen, heard, noticed for all the hard work I put in, but more often than not - the silent partner. I am the dutiful daughter who does what's expected and never asks for anything back. I am the sister who takes care of her siblings but it has become her habit to care and nurture. I am the washer, the ironer, the cook, the cleaner, the gardener, the lover, the friend, the mum, the wife, the handyman, the grandchild, the auntie, the best friend, the cousin, the sister-in-law. But the same question remains - who am 'I' - I am what the people around me expect me to be......

Reply
Nick Wright
21/5/2012 08:57:02 pm

Hi Sammy. Thanks for sharing such a powerful, evocative and vivid picture of how you see yourself, the roles you play in relationships and how you experience the world and others around you. As I read your note, I felt moved and inspired by your creative language, amazed by your willingness and ability to do so much for others and a little sad as I read your opening and closing statements: 'I am what the people around me expect me to be...' I wondered what it would take to assert your own presence and needs more, what impact that would have on you and others around you? Thank you again for sharing with such honesty. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Ragu Ramallingam
21/5/2012 08:43:39 pm

Who i am is WHO I AM?
Who i am is A soul,Atman,Part of the Paramatman.
Who I am is my Word.
Who I am is my thinking,
Who I am is my Possibility.,
Who I am is my Possibility of LOVE.
Who I am is my Possibility of HAPPYNESS,
Who I am is my Possibility of FULLFILMENT,
Who I am is my Possibility of FREEDOM.
Who I am is my Possibility of POWER,
Who I am is my Possibility of SELF EXPRESSION,
Who I am is my Possibility of PEACE,
Who I am is the Director of my Storey,My Interpretation
Who I am is the wrighter of my Storey,My Interpretation.
Who I am is the Actor of my Storey,My Interpretation,
Who I am is the Seer ,Observer of my Storey,My Interpretation.
Who I am is the Player of My Life,
Who I am is the Judge of my Life.
Who I am is the Declaration of my Life.
Who I am is the Responsibility of my Life.
Who I am is the Judge of my Life.
Who I am is the Purpose of my Life.
Who I am is the Role of my Life.
Who I am is -I AM that I AM.
ER.RAGU

Reply
Nick Wright
21/5/2012 09:00:05 pm

Hi Ragu and thanks for the posting. It sounds like a poem, a song? I particularly liked the lines that open with, 'Who I am is my possibility...', the way it points beyond how I am now towards who I am in potential. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Ragu Ramallingam
23/5/2012 05:31:50 am

Dear Nick Wright,Patrick Mazor,Thanks for your reply,appreciation,Blessing which is very very valuable to me.In Nick's face ,i am seeing the Poem 7stillness in Face,Eyes.Patrick ,I am experiencing beautiful with oneness(That is Spritual for me).I want to aknowledge both of you to be the Creator,creating Creations.Thanks.Er.A.RAGU

My Dear Nick Wright,,/PATRICK MAZOR,Thanks for Being the Creater creating creation.Thanks for your wishes which is very very valuable for me.Life is The Poem,Songs in our perception & what we Choose.Wish you-God bless you to Experience more of LOVE,HAPPYNESS,FREEDOM,POWER ,SELF EXPRESSION,PEACE IN ALL YOUR 7 AREAS OF LIFE.HAVE A GREAT FUTURE.
With Love & Regards,
ER.A.RAGU

Martine Bolton
21/5/2012 11:05:44 pm

Hey Nick - I guess in the physical realm we are what we believe ourselves to be, and are either limited or liberated by those definitions. I think many would agree though that humans are more than just physical beings, and that perhaps there is nothing that we cannot create, do or be - especially when we work together.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/5/2012 11:40:59 pm

Hi Martine. Thanks for the note. Yes, I agree that we have a way of creating definitions or constructs for ourselves and our lives which can seem to have a determinative effect. I like the optimism in your final comment! With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Martine Bolton
22/5/2012 12:19:54 am

Thanks Nick - the optimism is based on the same concept... that what we believe or hold to be true will be our reality.

Ganesh Subramanian
22/5/2012 02:32:58 am

Hi,
Good book : Monk who sold his Ferrari. pure consciousness, who am I
thanks

Reply
Nick Wright
22/5/2012 02:33:38 am

A monk with a Ferrari? ;) Nick

Reply
Ganesh Subramanian
23/5/2012 05:29:43 am

Hi Nick. the book is by Robin Sharma, a leadership trainer.
pls see some thought :

Who are we?

A human being is a part of the whole called by us the universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of our consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of understanding and compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Albert Einstein, here from Consciousness, vol 8 no 2 winter 1998

Leila Yazigi
28/5/2012 04:48:48 am

i hope the Ferrari is not red!!

Steve Byrom link
22/5/2012 05:30:04 pm

As I was reading the comments of everybody the well known poem, "Desiderata" came to mind with it famous line .... "If Only".

The subject, "Who Am I" is way bigger than what is expected of me, what my potential is, how my experiences have molded me etc. It should grow out of what my real purpose is. If more people could build on that foundation I think a lot more people would find a lot more satisfaction within themselves of what they do and achieve. I also believe that what they are currently doing might change substantially as they focus on achieving or at least moving towards fulfilling that purpose.

Reply
Nick Wright
23/5/2012 07:55:01 am

Thanks Steve. I found your comments very interesting, especially the link between identity (who am I) and purpose (why am I here). I guess it opens the parallel question to that posed by this blog posting, 'why are we here?'.

I made an attempt at speaking to these inter-related questions in a conference speech that was later published as an article called 'Sense of Destiny': http://www.nick-wright.com/sense-of-destiny.html.

I would be interested to hear what you think, whether it strikes a chord for you, raises any further questions, whether you have further insights on this important question. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Mary Shaird
23/5/2012 07:46:49 am

I'm going to go with your first response...I believe it is enough. For I am a child of God whose eldest Brother (Jesus) has determined my values, morals, and such. Knowing this takes the weight right out of the "who am I" question. Blessings to you.

Reply
Nick Wright
23/5/2012 07:47:49 am

Thanks Mary. Blessings to you too. :) Nick

Reply
Danie link
23/5/2012 12:13:44 pm

So late night awake I stumble onto this discussion - '... from World Vision' is what catches my eye, via LinkedIn, - I guess that already says something about 'who I am?'

I read Sammy’s comment (and Nicks response) and my thoughts are... ‘whao, how amazing ... she understands and lives something about sacrificial love that I guess Mothers really understand best.’ I guess that says something about 'who I am?'

I see the monk with the Ferrari is mentioned, that definitely says something about who I am: 'the Monk (lawyer) who held onto his 98' Blue Landrover' is what I often call myself.

One of the most rewarding things I do (‘in being who I am’) is a workshop on 'Personal Leadership Development' (http://www.strategichumancapital.co.za/pdfs/1Personal_Leadership_Dev_SHC.pdf) and one of the things I challenge people with is the story told about a priest walking in communist Russia in the middle of the night, after curfew, when he is confronted by a young soldier at a border crossing with the words: “Sir! Who are you? Where are you going? Why are you going there?’. The priest slowly responded: “Young man, how much do you earn?” “50 Kopecks, Sir!” the response came. Calmly the priest said, “I will pay you 100 Kopecks if you ask me that question every day..”.

So, allow me to add to your question Nick, ‘Who are you? Where are you going? Why are you going there?’. And I guess that says a lot about 'who I am?' :)

'Who I am' is a journey, but the clearer the answer the more rewarding the journey.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 07:29:57 pm

Hi Danie. Thanks for the note. I liked the way you reflected on how what resonates for you, e.g. in others' stories and in the questions you pose, says something implicitly about how you are. I loved the story of the priest and soldier! :) Who am I? I guess that's what the blog posting was about... ;) With best wishes. Nick

Reply
tendai kufa
23/5/2012 04:47:08 pm

really refreshing. People tend to define themselves from the lens of other people without defining what God wants them to be. Go sharing.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 07:33:10 pm

Hi Tendai and thanks for the encouraging feedback. It sounds like you are saying that, in considering who we are, we would do well to consider first who God believes we are, in actuality and potential. I agree. :) With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Aretoula Fullam PhD
25/5/2012 07:34:38 pm

Who I am? A great question. It can be answered from all science perspectives. The most important is who I know I am, who I believe I am, and it totally depends on the level of growth that every person has reached.

Reply
Nick Aretoula
25/5/2012 07:40:33 pm

Thanks for the comments, Aretoula. It sounds like you see a relationship between a person's self-awareness and his or her ability to answer the question, 'who am I?'. I agree.

The question it raises for me is what it means to be self-aware. How and by what or whom is my sense of self, the image I hold of myself, measured and influenced?

In other words, how far is my self-image influenced by my experiences, language, cultural environment etc? Would I have a different self-image in a different life context?

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Prakash Jain
25/5/2012 07:48:43 pm

We are the product of heridity and environment.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 07:52:24 pm

Hi Prakash and thanks for the note. When I read your comment, it made me wonder to what degree 'who I am' is determined by my heredity and environment or, conversely, to what degree 'who I am' is 'who I become' as I respond to those influences from the foundation of 'who I am'. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Mukundlal H.R.
25/5/2012 07:53:49 pm

I beg to differ ! All through the educational phases of life;all individuals in this world; come across the common questions all over the world ,looks pertinent to the answering individual/still better for the kid or child who is at the answering End.........!.What is your Name...2.Who are your Parents....3.what are you studying......4. which school/college...........5.Which specialization..............6.What is you Ambition in life...........most of the times, till they complete Education(Age-20..25 );Next come these same set of familiar question Coined/termed Identification Process:At work,At Bank,& all the places,Govt. Departments:Voter Enumeration,Driving Licence,Passport etc.......By the time the individual crosses 40-45 his mind is set to conclude Who am I............I dont Know since all the time in my life time & again these questions were asked in different formats...Now I can confidently say I dont know Who I Am ..........If any one can certify then I am What I am.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 07:59:41 pm

Hi Mukundlal. Thanks for the note. I wasn't quite sure which comment you were responding to when you said, 'I beg to differ!'.

I like the way you explain how our sense of identity is to some degree shaped by the frameworks or categories that others in our social contexts use to define and differentiate between us.

This sounds similar social constructionism. From this perspective, it's hard to answer the question 'who am I' in the abstract because my self-definition is based on wider contextual definitions.

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Lena Bednarskaya
25/5/2012 08:02:24 pm

Who are we? Why are we on Earth? Philosophical question ....

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 08:06:43 pm

Hi Lena and thanks for the note. For me, 'who are we' and 'why are we on earth' are profoundly important philosophical and existential questions, with wider metaphysical and spiritual dimensions.

You may be interested in an article I once wrote on this topic: http://www.nick-wright.com/sense-of-destiny.html. It's a transcript of a conference speech. I would be interested to hear your comments!

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Aretoula Fullam PhD
25/5/2012 08:12:08 pm

Life is Philosophy! You ask a question, you reflect, you learn and you act! If you look down you find nothing! If you look up you are inspired (metaphor). If you understand that you are living in an ocean of wisdom, intelligence, consciousness, and act as that, the question of who you are is answered. And who has the answer is humble and lives in the world knowing that is not of the world.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 08:19:52 pm

Hi Aretoula. I liked the poetic sound of your 'life is philosophy' comments. :) It sounds like you see the the answer to the question of 'who am I' as linked to a special kind of consciousness or awareness? I agree.

It feels like a deep existential question to me, something that resonates more deeply than answers from a purely material, scientific view. I see this special awareness or consciousness as a spiritual experience.

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Rodney Merrill PhD
25/5/2012 08:23:34 pm

Okay, you asked for it! Here is a short excerpt from my doctoral dissertation:

Who “I” Is and How That Affects This Work

“Who are YOU?” the Caterpillar asked Alice.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I—I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”
“I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir,” said Alice, `because I'm not myself, you see.”
“I don't see,” said the Caterpillar.
“I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,” Alice replied very politely, “for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.”
~ Lewis Carroll, Alice's adventures in Wonderland (Chapter 5: Advice from a Caterpillar.)

I join with linguistic philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein in saying, “One of the most misleading representational techniques in our language is the use of the word ‘I’” (Wittgenstein, 1991, 88, §57). The word “I” refers to nothing more than a field of experience; yet we use it as if it refers to another person. Therefore, the word “I” has no epistemic validity (Friedrich Nietzsche, 1968: p. 268; Wittgenstein, 1991, 88, §57; Wittgenstein, Anacombe & Anscombe, 2001, §§404-41).

I am a field of experience, a discursive space for meaning and a performance (Burr, 1995, p. 147). I am by virtue of positioning and reference (Burr, 1995). I am a negotiated performance and a negotiated space for meaning (Burr, 1995, p. 148). Existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre maintained that “existence precedes essence” (Sartre, 1948, pp. 26-28) and Werner Erhard said that this nothingness is the creative space (Erhard, 1982) for becoming. From the “everything and nothing” (Erhard, 1982); that is, from the possibilities available within the social context of negotiation (Carbaugh, 1999), I am the relational performance known as "me" (Gergen, K., 2009).

I settle on I am “this” or “that” (and, by implication, not the somethings-else by which “this” and “that” are demarcated by difference (the always different and the always deferred) (Jacques Derrida, 1973, p. 129). “I am” avowals are positioning declarations available to us within the social context of negotiation (Carbaugh, 1999, pp. 173-177).

In this view, “I” am a human organism and a fabrication of social interaction (Berger & Luckmann, 1966, pp. 47-50), a critter and a construction. I confess to a “primitive realist” (materialist) conviction that the creature typing this manuscript is ontologically “real” in the very practical sense that if I leap from a very tall building, I will not levitate or hover (all convictions to the contrary notwithstanding) but will plummet to earth and I will die shortly after impact.

That said, our everyday experience of human being is largely if not entirely a social production of confluence (Gergen, 2009b, 44-45, 49-57). This human organism is real but most of what we “know” about it and everything it knows is putative, relationally negotiated and, therefore, open to question (Gergen, 2009b, p. 97).

I am a socially constructed critter. The self-referential “I” and the “me” pronouns are befuddling linguistic practices (Wittgenstein, 1991, 88 §57; Wittgenstein, Anacombe & Anscombe, 2001, §§404-41) that create by distinction alone (Erhard, 1982) a world of divisions and isolates—the internal and the external, the individual and the community, the self and the other, even the self-as-object from self-as-subject. I pronoun you. You pronoun me. We pronounce each other autonomous and separate individuals.

Self-referential language enables schismatic experiences like “scolding myself” or “being self-satisfied”—a fabricated dualistic “alternity” wherein I am juxtaposed as both subject and object. In our culture, this sensation is naturalized and attributed to “self” or “mind”—e.g. “I want to go but I can’t make up my mind.”

The schismatic language that cleaves self from body and body from world is often attributed to Rene Descartes (Gergen, 22009, p.100-101; Warburton, 1999, p. 131; Magee & Williams, 1999, pp. 260-261), physicist, physiologist, mathematician and philosopher-theologian (cogito ergo sum) who broke with Aristotelian philosophy by developing a mechanistic model in opposition to the “final causes” teleology of the time (Skirry, J. 2008, p. 114-119). In building a foundation for his mechanistic universe through a regimen of radical doubt, Descartes “established” the existence o

Reply
Rodney Merrill PhD
25/5/2012 08:27:33 pm

(cont) In building a foundation for his mechanistic universe through a regimen of radical doubt, Descartes “established” the existence of a world external to the mind and the division of a non-material mind from the corporeal body (Burr, 1995, p. 35; Magee & Williams, 1999, p. 254; Warburton, 1999, pp. 130-131). From this perspective, a human being is essentially a mind cut off from the rest of the world, including the body that hosts it (Burr, 1995, p. 35; Magee & Williams, 1999, pp. 254-255). In the Cartesian model, an individual engages the world from a distance, in the privacy of this autonomous encapsulated mind and derives ideas and knowledge through self-engagement and rationality (Gergen, K., 1991, pp. 99-101). Meaning that who “we really are” is a kind of ghost manipulator (puppeteer) that sits somewhere behind the eyes and pulls the strings so that its “meat puppet” (Gibson, 1984) can manage in the outside world.

“I” am no longer a freewheeling ghost driver; rather, I am an ongoing conversation and a collaborator in meaning construction (Gergen, K., 1991, p. 242). The “I” and the “me” (dribbled in a conventional manner throughout this book) are subject-object referents pointing to a nexus of dialogs, performative installations as it were, constructed through conversations that both facilitate and delimit this creature dubbed Rodney.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 08:39:04 pm

Hi Rodney and thanks for sharing such extensive comments from your doctoral dissertation. I loved the illustration you used from Alice in the Wonderland at the start. :) I too find the social constructionist perspective fascinating and compelling.

Gergen has a great way of communicating these ideas in human, accessible ways. Have you come across Vivien Burr's 'Social Constructionism' (2003) too? Along with Gergen's 'Invitation to Social Construction' (2009), it's my favourite text on the subject.

One of the things I find interesting about the notion of a socially constructed self is how counterintuitive it feels, perhaps particularly for people in Western cultural environments with such a strong emphasis on unique individual personhood and identity.

The question it raises for me is how far notions of 'I' vary in different cultural contexts. I've done some work in Asia and Africa where there were striking differences to Western notions of 'I', especially vs 'we'. Did your research touch on this area?

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Martine Bolton
25/5/2012 08:41:11 pm

I heard a story once of someone who got away with a crime because he said that he was unable to verify that he was indeed (eg) John Doe. He had this piece of paper that said that he was, but he didn't know it for sure. Perhaps he had been swapped at birth. Perhaps the wrong information had been written on the certificate. I'm not sure if this is a true story, but it's an interesting one I think! Our names are really just labels that someone attaches to us when we first come into the world, and labels can limit us if we assume that that's who/what we really are.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 08:49:48 pm

Hi Martine. I did like the John Doe story! :)

I agree with your comment about labels. Interestingly, I ran a seminar this week on cognitive behavioural coaching in which we explored how labelling can be a form of 'cognitive distortion'.

I guess it's the same principle as stereotyping. At one level, it helps simplify complex information but, at another level, creates a 'fixed gestalt' and prevents us seeing variations and options.

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Om Prakash Sharma
25/5/2012 08:51:35 pm

We are the product of the "God" and His seeds. No one tell from where and how we are growing and what purpose we have here on this earth. Only the religion give us some clue to be better humans. But there are 1100 religion in this world. All deferential preaching. But someone must tell the correct direction of future ?

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 08:56:11 pm

Hi Om. Thanks for your comments. I like your emphasis on the spiritual dimension to this question and the deep sense of mystery that often accompanies it. You may find this short blog interesting too: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2011/03/where-did-i-come-from.html. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Martine Bolton
25/5/2012 08:57:52 pm

I always feel that 'learning' and becoming better versions of ourselves must surely be a key part of why we are here. I also believe that the direction of the future is ultimately in our hands - that we have free will. We just need to decide and envision what we want for ourselves, our planet, future generations etc, then ensure that all our actions are aligned with that vision. And I hereby declare today Philosophical Friday :-) !!

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 09:04:06 pm

Hi Martine. 'Philosophical Friday' - what a great idea! :)

Funnily enough, I spent yesterday (Friday) evening with a friend at sunset reflecting on 'beauty' - whether it is meaningful to consider beauty as an intrinsic quality or something attributed, 'in the eye of the beholder', or some combination of these. Whatever the case, it was certainly a beautiful sunset. :)

The 'free will' question - now that is a new topic altogether! ;)

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Mukundlal H.R.
25/5/2012 09:06:01 pm

There comes a time in everyone'life'..when the individual is is undecided as to what to accept,what to reject,As a matter of Belief....Thoughts,Words,Quotes,Proverbs,Sermons,etc.....Its at this moment he wishes he knew who he was but still doubts. I will let you know When I myself understand this Who am I syndrome.

Reply
Nick Wright
25/5/2012 09:21:56 pm

Hi Mukundlal. 'There comes a time in everyone's life'. I agree, and thanks for sharing so honestly about your own journey. Appreciated.

I've spent a lifetime of searching too. I became a Christian at 21 and, although the impact has fundamentally changed my outlook and life and continues to do so, I'm still on a life-long journey of searching and struggling towards greater personal authenticity.

In my own journey of faith and discovery, each time one thing becomes clearer, 10 new questions emerge, each calling me into deeper mysteries and depths of experience. It can feel exciting and enriching, daunting and bewildering.

The real challenge for me is how to live my faith with greater authenticity and integrity. How to be more patient, loving, kind, humble, gentle, self-sacrificial, forgiving, good-hearted, pure in thought, protecting of others, trusting, hoping, persevering.

I think the question of 'who I am' is being outworked in this midst of this journey and this struggle. It's about who I am and who I'm becoming in the context of a wider and profound relationship with God that is so real and yet well beyond my ability to grasp.

With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Mukundlal H.R.
26/5/2012 09:50:28 pm

Words are Magic !!! Mr. NickWright & Mr. Martine Bolton I am already indebted to your deep regards.......Its very difficult & A touchy sensation, churns your stomach,choks your trachea,pumps your adrenals,turns you topsy ;Its at this precise moments you feel .......You become 100% SURE..................that....................YOU ....are..............Not YOU...yourself!.Your thoughts zooom at the speeds beyond your own understanding of your mind! Your visions are Blurred .....Flights of fantasy spurting your...............IMAGINATIONS........WHO are YOU !!!

Martine Bolton
25/5/2012 09:25:16 pm

Mukundlal, I would echo Nick's early words... that you are a precious child of what we call 'God'. You are unlimited potential, here to stretch the boundaries of thought and possibility beyond that which currently is. There is nothing that you cannot have, do or be. You are love, and you are loved. You are more than you could ever know. Feel the hope in these words, and from this point on, focus only on the thoughts that inspire you and bring you joy. Have a lovely weekend.

Reply
Mukundlal H.R.
26/5/2012 09:51:32 pm

Its no WONDER THE MOST BEAUTIFUIL QUOTE STILL SHINES.....................................its all in the mind.!!!

Tarannum Yogesh Dobriyal
26/5/2012 09:46:32 pm

who i am is as good as saying what is reality..its one of the most sought after questions, yet we are so full of judgement, right/wrong, good/bad.

If you don't know who you are, a university is an expensive place to find out.

- A. Armstrong

Reply
Nick Wright
26/5/2012 09:48:13 pm

Hi Tarannum. Thanks for the note. I liked the Armstrong quotation. It somehow reminded me of 'Illusions' by Richard Bach. Have you read it? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Tarannum Yogesh Dobriyal
1/6/2012 11:42:35 pm

'Illusions' by Richard Bach. Have you read it? Nick...nope i haven't, yet i have read edgar cacye and Lobsang rampa, walking with the Himalayan masters, will surely get my hands on Illusions. tnx for the share...

Aretoula Fullam PhD
26/5/2012 10:05:24 pm

Nick,

Thanks for your comments. It is the question that puzzles humans from the dawn of humanity. Some people and I mean philosophies and the level of awareness they developed within consciousness is so high that there are no words to describe it without distorting it. There are no words to express subjective spiritual experience. It is unique to every person who experiences it and it is absolutely true for that person. The problem is that humans try to find objectivity in the subjective dimension, totally confusing and ignoring that they are at the same time functioning in the subjective and the the objective dimension co-creating the observed reality. The "we" is in the "I" but one need to have been able to reach that level where there is unity between the I and the We, and at this point the person is not the same again, nor there is any need to convince anybody else. All begins with the sincere desire to break the limits, boundaries and go beyond. All this is done with the mind, but not the mind of the western understanding, the MIND that is spiritual in nature. The MIND that functions 'mindfully' within the mental dimension.

Wonderful Question for people to reflect!
Warmly,
Aretoula

Reply
Nick Wright
26/5/2012 10:07:00 pm

Hi Aretoula. Thanks for your thought-provoking comments. I have some similar thoughts and experiences. In a cultural environment where, increasingly, 'true' and 'real' = 'that which can be observed, tested and replicated empirically (objectively)', it's hard to find a language that conveys spiritual knowing and experience of a radically different kind. It's why I find aspects of phenomenology and existentialism interesting and helpful. I wrote this short blog recently: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2012/04/phenomenology-constructionism-and-coaching.html. Does it resonate for you too? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Chad
27/5/2012 09:41:55 am

'who am I'? depends on the moment it is asked...think of a dot, it's in the center & never changing. C it as 3D & visualize a multitude of circles in 3D going around this dot. One circle is for ur spiritual self, 1 is for ur financial, 1 is 4 ur physical, etc, etc.
Additionally, each 1 of these spinning circles spinning around that dot is constantly changing. it depends on the moment in which that Q is asked...

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 04:21:42 am

Hi Chad and thanks for the comments. I like the idea that the answer to the question (at least to some degree, as I see it) 'depends on the moment in which it is asked.' I sometimes wonder about similar dimensions and influences, and whether spirituality is a dimension alongside the others or something else that pervades all other dimensions. What do you think? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Ronald Shenberger
28/5/2012 04:24:15 am

You raise Socrates' injunction to "Know Yourself." In consideration and reflection I would add that we are continuously in a process of becoming while looking back.

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 04:25:35 am

Hi Ronald and thanks for the note. I'm intrigued by the idea of 'a process of becoming while looking back' but not sure I understand what it means. Could you say more? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Ronald Shenberger
1/6/2012 11:48:41 pm

I must be a lazy responder. I found the following link which speaks to the statement that we can never step into the same river twice.
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Philosophy-1361/2009/5/step-river-twice.htm
So looking back is the flowing river of time being all of our experience and the river of time which is the future is our becoming. Don't know if this muddys the river?

Aretoula Fullam PhD
28/5/2012 04:28:03 am

Nick and Ronald, you make excellent comments. Nick, I would say that phenomenology is only referring to the phenomena, i.e., appearances, which are perceived through the conditioned intellect. Phenomenology most of the times is deceiving, for the very reason for what appears as a phenomenon, is never what it is. You have to go beyond the appearances to find what is. Ronald, I agree, we are constantly becoming, but I only know the past as an experience that led me to the new point I am now, and I constantly look seek the new and the different thus I am becoming. This is so well depicted by Socrates who said, I know one thing and that is that I know nothing. A very wise man, probably the wisest in all humanity except on one other being. We are constantly becoming, refining, accepting rejecting, etc. For me motto is Experience, Learn, Act, Lovingly. This is the ultimate being and becoming.

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 04:43:15 am

Hi Aretoula. Thanks for the note. It sounds like we have different views of the nature, or perhaps the value, reliability or meaning, of a phenomenological view of human experience.

I agree that, ordinarily, a phenomenon doesn't offer its own interpretation, that it is typically interpreted (and thereby meaning is attached) by other criteria or means.

At the same time, phenomenology tries to articulate or express aspects of human experience that are very different to those typically noticed or 'validated' by a more positivistic approach.

Examples could include what it is to love, to be a father, to trust, to know God. These could be described in 'factual' terms, but in such a way that fails to express what it is and means to experience them.

I like your words, 'experience, learn, act, lovingly.' It's as if we become by being and doing, and those in an attitude of love. With thanks for the challenge, and best wishes. :) Nick

Reply
Martine Bolton
28/5/2012 04:46:28 am

And the sun is definitely shining in Portsmouth UK this morning! Great thread peeps. Have a beautiful week. Hope the sun is shining with you,
Martine.

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 04:47:05 am

Thanks Martine. Lovely and sunny here too. :) Nick

Reply
Ryan Hollas
28/5/2012 04:49:25 am

Thought provoking! :-)

What helped me with both of your questions 'who are we and who am I'....I recently attended PI training, which gave me both my 'work me' and the 'normal me'...really interesting.

From an L&D perspective, we are the support function that interacts with the business to enable people to exceed, therefore allowing us to grow from their achievements, then often become a main contact point for a whole host of other 'HR' related topics. Who am I....someone who worries a lot about ensuring I do a good job and then any positive feedback gained is viewed (in my eyes) as 'just doing my job'.

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 04:55:16 am

Hi Ryan and thanks for the comments. I haven't heard of PI training - can you say more about what it is? It sounds like you are someone who takes your work seriously.

You mentioned that you see positive feedback as 'just doing your job'. Does that mean that you see your job (...and yourself...) as achieving positive results for others?

I wondered, against that backdrop, how would you view negative feedback and what impact would it have on how you see yourself? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Ryan Hollas
29/5/2012 10:20:55 pm

Hi Nick,

Predictive Index involves individuals answering a whole range of questions on a rating scale. PI then accurately provides essentially '4 dots' on a page. Each dot and the location of each dot measures an individuals motivating needs, behaviours and drivers on Dominance, Extroversion, Patience and Formality. I never used to buy into (what i used to refer to as 'fluffy stuff'), however this really did hit the nail on the head. As an example, it actually allowed me to understand why I find certain situation draining and how to be aware of these and what action to take.

I like to feel that I add benefit to the business and individual alike. I think sometimes we (L&D practitioners) can get too bogged down in making everything tailored to different learning styles, e-Learning offerings and having 30 versions of the same course to make it feel 'tailored'...when (in my opinion) all people would like as a structured group discussion with the trainer structuring the session and raising discussion points and letting them learn themselves. So, a long answer to a straight question would be 'I get a good feeling when someone just says 'that really helped''.

Here is a link to their official website.

http://www.piworldwide.com/products/predictive-index-system.aspx

I actually find negative / constructive feedback really beneficial. The reason for this is, no one wakes up in the morning thinking 'I am going to be forthright all day'. I think it’s hard for people to provide constructive feedback through their own comfort zone, so when it is received, potentially, 100 people could have thought the same....just not said. Sometimes, I have a little catch up to understand someone’s thought process and it could just be a case of reinforcing some of the subject matter or understanding ways of including their feedback into the material...as it was important to them.

Apologies Nick, for three long waffly paragraphs! :-)

Kavita Sekhar
28/5/2012 04:57:14 am

Hi Nick, I think we are the person we see and the person they see. There was this question" are we an ape or an angel?" asked by Benjamin Disraeli in a debate about the Darwin's theory of evolution. After seeing your question i thought for a minute are we in some true sense special? After reading a book on the unlocking the mystery of human nature- i feel we are unique and unprecedented. We are new under the sun with perhaps limitless potential and not to forget we are the only beings whose fate rested in its own hands.

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 05:06:37 am

Hi Kavita and thanks for the note. I liked your expression, 'we are the person we see and the person they see.' I would add, 'and the person He sees...'. What was the book on the mystery of human nature that you read? Sounds interesting. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Kavita Sekhar
29/5/2012 10:18:32 pm

Hi Nick, you are right, we are the person he sees also. The book is called " Tell tale brain". It's an amazing book if you love neuroscience and psychology.

Aretoula Fullam PhD
1/6/2012 11:45:10 pm

Kavita, thanks for your contributing comments. As a person who has my feet in both science and spirituality, I can tell you that the brain is simply an organ that is processing information. It does not know the difference between a real or an imagined thing. It will process the information (real or imagined) in the same way. There is research showing activation of the same brain area when subjects see or imagine the same thing. It is the mind that interprets and the one who directs the mind that makes the meaning.

Excellent comments.

Reply
Peter Smith
28/5/2012 05:08:55 am

When you get the answer, can you let me know. I'm still trying to work it out.

Reply
Nick Wright
28/5/2012 05:14:20 am

Hi Peter. Aren't we all..? ;) With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Leila Yazigi
28/5/2012 05:23:48 am

After all these amazing reflections, i cannot say anything other than
i am me...

Thank you Nick for asking the most profound universal questions :)
leila

Reply
Chad, still (I think)
28/5/2012 05:24:15 am

Off Kavita & Nick's comments I recall the "Johari Window" (spelling) has 4 prts 1) what all C, 2) what another Cs in me (I don't), 3) what I C in me (yet others don't), and 4) what I and no others C in me but is still me...for OD we CAN wrk w/all 4, no?

In terms of my 3D image of "who is me" the simple answ is "No", spiritual prt in another, not meta to them. Back to who is askin is the more complex answ (will not go into that here & now). It's like the "what is culture" Q posed back @ the site.

Reply
Tracy Utting
29/5/2012 10:22:11 pm

I am a trained PI analyst and utilise the tool for recruitment of Sales Consultants for our insurance Contact Centre.

Happy to answer any questions you have on the subject.

Reply
Debra Parker
29/5/2012 10:23:27 pm

Eleanor Roosevelt said "One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes ... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility." I believe we are the sum of our experiences and choices, the choices we make change as we meet new people, mature, learn, gain experiences from which we then base future choices.

Reply
Nick Wright
29/5/2012 10:29:16 pm

Hi Debra and thanks for the thought-provoking comments. I like the ER quotation. It does beg the question of who (e.g. 'the essential me') or what (e.g. specific circumstances) drives our choices. The question of experience is interesting too. Why do different people experience the same things or phenomena so differently? Is the person I am purely a product of experiences and choices or is there a core personality, an intrinsic 'me', that remains consistent too? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Debra Parker
1/6/2012 11:46:07 pm

Nick we all work from a base, our points of difference which will of course be the base from which we perceive and respond to external influences. There are plenty of arguments around nurture versus nature that could be referenced to support how we evolve into the person we are - I believe it is a mixture of both.

Rodney Merrill PhD
1/6/2012 11:43:53 pm

Where is this mind everyone talks about? What does it look like? How much does it weigh? Where is it located?

Reply
Keith Jorgensen
1/6/2012 11:47:25 pm

Hello all, I am an internal coach for IKEA and a member of the Internation Coach Federation. I have been coaching all my life, just not with structure that I know work with now. Who am I? I am one who believes in life energy and that the "Transformational Presence requires listening on many levelsof awareness - listening for the voice of the soul, for the words underneath the words, listening for the essence of what is happening and the gift that is waiting to be opened or the the opportunity that is waiting to unfold" Alan Seale. I am also a student of both Dialectical and Cognitive Behavior Therapies and how they be incorporated in my coaching techniques.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Nick is a psychological coach, OD consultant and trainer, specialising in critical reflective practice.

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Archives

    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Accountability
    Act
    Action Learning
    Advent
    Adventure
    Ambiguity
    Angle
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Asia
    Assumptions
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Bible
    Body Language
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Calling
    Care
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Change
    Charity
    Child
    Choice
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Commitment
    Communication
    Compassion
    Competence
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Conflict
    Congruence
    Consciousness
    Construct
    Constructs
    Consultancy
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Conversation
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Definition
    Delusion
    Democracy
    Depression
    Discernment
    Discovery
    Dissent
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamics
    Easter
    Ecology
    Edge
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Environment
    Eternity
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Facilitation
    Faith
    Fear
    Feeling
    Figure
    Filter
    Focus
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freud
    Fun
    Gestalt
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Ground
    Group
    Guidance
    Healing
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hero
    Hope
    Human Givens
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Humility
    Ideation
    Identity
    Image
    Imagination
    Impact
    Impostor
    Influence
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Integrity
    Intention
    Interdependence
    Interference
    Interpretation
    Intimacy
    Intuition
    Jesus
    Journey
    Justice
    Knowing
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Learning
    Lesson
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Mindfulness
    Mirroring
    Mission
    Mode
    Motivation
    Narrative
    Need
    Negotiation
    Networking
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Organisation
    Organisation Development
    Origin
    Pace
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Partnership
    Pastoral
    Pattern Matching
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Personal Constructs
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physicality
    Plan
    Plans
    Plato
    Play
    Polarity
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Practice
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Prepare
    Presence
    Priorities
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Process
    Professional
    Projection
    Prompt
    Providence
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Quality
    Questions
    Rational
    Rationalisation
    Reality
    Reasoning
    Reconciliation
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reframing
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resourcefulness
    Responsibility
    Revelation
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Sabbath
    Satnav
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Security
    Self
    Sense Making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Shadow
    Significance
    Silence
    Sin
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Space
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Stereotypes
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Stuck
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Supervision
    Support
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teaching
    Team
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trust
    Truth
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    Value
    Values
    Violence
    Vision
    Voice
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Weird
    Will
    Window
    Wisdom
    Wonder

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
    • Other related topics
  • Briefings
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
    • Other related topics
  • Interviews
  • Blog
  • Audio
  • News
  • Resources
  • Testimonies
  • Contact
✕