 ‘As coaches, the greatest tool we need to cultivate is our self.’ (Pamela McLean) Many years ago now, during a masters’ degree core module on psychological dynamics in organisations, I said to a colleague in a spirit of curiosity, ‘I keep feeling an impulse to hug you.’ They looked amazed and said, ‘I’m feeling really vulnerable today.’ I had no idea from their demeanour. They always presented as very calm, relaxed and confident. We discussed this in light of the programme focus that day and concluded that, intuitively and subconsciously, I had picked up on something of their anxiety and need for reassurance. A number of factors were at play here: it was unusual in our relationship and, mysteriously, it somehow felt like it was something about me, but not only about me. In later years, whist doing a postgraduate course in coaching psychology, I discovered this kind of noticing can be used powerfully in coaching conversations. Psychological practitioners call this use-of-self, the idea that what we observe in and between ourselves during an interaction can be used tentatively as an instrument for awareness-raising in another person. I use the word tentatively here because it’s about exploring a possibility and not superimposing our own feelings or interpretations onto the other. I saw this opportunity arise in an intense conversation recently where a manager was working very hard to cajole a team member into demonstrating greater proactivity and initiative. The team member was nodding in passive agreement rather than playing a more active role in their own development. Imagine if the manager had paused, reflected, and fed this back as an observation instead: ‘I’m feeling (intra-personally) a strong desire to see you being more proactive…and I’m wondering (inter-personally) if I’m taking too much initiative in this conversation.’ It's as if the manager imagines herself momentarily stepping out of the relationship to stand in an observing place; then looks back at herself, the team member and the interaction between them and shares what she notices from that place. This would bring here-and-now experience into focus and invite the team member to reflect critically on their own agency too.
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 ‘Be an explorer of lands you are yet to travel and of truths that wait to be revealed.’ (Christopher Chapman – Doorways to Hope) I like spiritual director Christopher Chapman’s thoughtful and creative play with un-words: ‘We are nervous of un-words: ‘unsafe’, ‘unsettled’, ‘unsure’, ‘unresolved’. (Yet) Is it always good to be settled? What if we have settled in the wrong place, or in an insufficient understanding of who we are? Is safety always good? We grow up and gain fresh confidence by daring what is beyond our current competence or understanding. Safety can be a very small and limiting place.’ I like Christopher’s use of metaphor too: ‘It’s not so very different from choosing to walk down an unfamiliar path. We won’t get lost if we decide not to do it, but we will never discover where that path might lead us.’ And then, questions: ‘Unsettled: have you settled in the wrong place? Unsafe: is it time to dare what you fear? Uncertain: are old assumptions proving less than true? Unsure: is it time to let go of past securities? Unexplored: is this the time to walk a new path?’ I’m reminded of Jasmin in the Philippines with her courageous challenge to be safe, but not too safe. Or the old inspirational poster that read, ‘A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.’ I’ve often been more afraid of not-doing the unsafe thing (of doing instead the too-sensible thing), for fear of missing out on what could have been possible. Jürgen Moltmann said, ‘Human life must be risked if it is to be won.’ So: what are you willing to risk – to truly live?  ‘The simple process of focusing on things that are normally taken for granted is a powerful source of creativity.’ (Edward De Bono) Edward de Bono, the originator of lateral thinking, was convinced that creative thinking is a skill that can be learned. He introduced pioneering techniques to enable people to do just that. One of my favourites involves posing a challenge (e.g. how to achieve high levels of engagement in a team meeting), then selecting – or inviting someone else in a group to choose – a completely random object. This could be, for example, a biro pen. De Bono then invites the thinkers to pay no attention to the challenge itself and, instead, to describe anything they notice, feel or associate with the pen: ‘It has a tip – a point’. ‘The tip is sometimes outside and sometimes hidden inside.’ ‘It’s full of ink.’ ‘The ink is blue.’ ‘Blue reminds me of cold.’ ‘The cylinder holds the cartridge.’ ‘The biro is a means to an end.’ ‘It’s used for writing.’ ‘It can also be used for drawing.’ ‘The pen needs to be held.’ De Bono then invites the group to draw on those observations as a stimulus for thinking about the original challenge: ‘How clear and agreed are we on our point, our purpose?’ ‘Which (or whose) ideas are expressed in our meetings and which (or whose) are we missing?’ ‘Who feels involved and who feels left out in the cold?’ ‘What are the outcomes we’re working towards?’ ‘What other benefits could we aim for?’ ‘Who holds us to account?’ When have you used lateral thinking? How did you do it? What did it help achieve?  ‘Sometimes I arrive just when God’s ready to have someone click the shutter.’ (Ansel Adams) I was completely blown away this Easter weekend by a presentation by world-renowned Peter Caton: a ‘documentary photographer with a social conscience’. I found it incredibly inspiring to see a follower of Jesus using his gifts and talents so powerfully on behalf of the poor and most vulnerable people in the world. This was faith in action, love in action, hope in action. As Peter shared brief glimpses of his experiences over the years, ranging from gruelling days spent in crocodile and mosquito-infested waters in South Sudan to precarious hours in harrowingly dangerous refugee camps in Somalia, I felt myself gripped by his resilience and courage. I was moved and impressed by Peter’s personal ethics and humility too. He has no interest in parading himself before the world’s media. Instead, his goal is to raise awareness of the plight of those living, surviving, sometimes thriving in some of the most challenging of circumstances imaginable, to engender action. He always asks permission first, explains exactly how photos will be used, and avoids insensitive or intrusive images of distress. He builds authentic, caring relationships and takes his striking pictures from low-down, looking up at his subjects to preserve and reinforce a sense of human dignity. Peter calls each person by their name. Respect.  ‘Today is a day of shame. Shame on the perpetrators on both sides of this terrible conflict who have inflicted unimaginable suffering on civilians. Shame on the world for turning away while Sudan burns. Shame on the countries that continue to add fuel to the fire.’ (Erika Guevara Rosas) Two years to the day since the latest conflict in Sudan broke out with brutal ferocity, the UK and (some) other countries are finally paying attention to the world’s worst humanitarian crisis. It’s a complex picture on the ground with geopolitical and ethnic tensions that create a devastating mix. While the world’s attention has been fixated on Russia-Ukraine and Israel-Gaza, Sudan’s civilian population has suffered horrific atrocities at the hands of merciless armed groups. Conferences are too often a forum for noble speeches, hand-wringing and hand-shaking, virtue signalling on a public stage and, behind it all, a pathetic substitute for tangible action. (It’s as if talking earnestly about an issue makes us appear, believe and feel like we’re actually doing something). In the meantime, the violence continues unabated with no relief whatsoever for vulnerable people on the ground. Today's event must make a difference. Sudan needs action now. What can you do? *Pray for peace and hope in Sudan. *Contact David Lammy, UK Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Affairs to urge follow-through from this Conference initiative. *Write to your local Member of Parliament (MP) to advocate for urgent and tangible action on relief, security and peace in Sudan.  ‘A good leader is not just a head full of knowledge but a hand willing to serve.’ (Jasmin, Philippines) I was inspired and challenged by this radical teacher’s short lecture to student police officers in the Philippines today. It’s a stark reminder and grounding of the Easter story. ‘If, when you graduate as police officers, you will stand at the side of the street waiting for the sun to rise to a 40-degrees heat, and you don’t help the elderly woman trying to cross the street or pick up the rubbish that’s scattered around, then you’ll be useless. Why would I say that? It’s because when we die, the account we’re going to give to God is of our character and how we spent our talents during this life on earth. Look at Jesus – he could have been married, have spent a luxurious life on earth because he’s the Son of God, but he sacrificed his own needs and prioritised the Father’s will. It led to his death. He didn’t try to protect his life. He walked the way of the cross and he sweated blood as he feared what would happen. He said, ‘Father, take this cup of suffering away from me – yet not what I want, but what you want.’ As he was hanging on the cross, his human nature spoke: ‘Father, why have you forsaken me?’ It’s the same for us. If we forsake our neighbour, if we forsake to have initiative, if we forsake cleaning our surroundings and just stand there without doing our work, if our priority is just to pose, look good and show people we are there – it’s your choice. And so, I’m reminding you: always make an impact and a difference with your lives – starting in your own life and in your family and in your neighbours'. Because Jesus is not in the clouds. He is in the sisters and the brothers next to us. This school needs people with initiative, who are willing to do, to serve humanity, because we already have a lot of police officers in the Philippines. But who will implement what is really just and right? The only thing that's practised continually is corruption. And I hope you will not become one of them because, without true character, your education will have been wasted.' This woman practises what she preaches. And that makes all the difference.  ‘Capabilities are freedoms conceived as real opportunities.’ (Amartya Sen) I keep coming back to this question: what is it that makes the difference? I’ve been drawn recently to reflections on this theme by Indian economist and philosopher, Amartya Sen. He distinguishes between capabilities, which are our resources (including our abilities and our potential), and conversion factors, which are influences on the real opportunities we have to use and fulfil them. Sen focuses his work on wellbeing and on the kinds of lives people and groups are effectively able to lead. He moves on to questions of what people, groups and societies need. Sen offers some interesting illustrations. Two people have the same resources. One is able-bodied and the other has physical disabilities that confine them to a wheelchair. All else being equal, the able-bodied person has more net resources because the person with disabilities has more related expenses. The former may also have greater net opportunities in society because the latter may be limited to places that are wheelchair-accessible. This could lead us to the conclusion that the person with disabilities should be given more resources to ensure equity. Sen then asks, what if the able-bodied person is hard to please and needs more resources to achieve a sense of wellbeing? What if the person with disabilities is content with their life and needs fewer resources to achieve wellbeing? If the goal is wellbeing, should we therefore provide more resources for the able-bodied person? Sen poses two challenges before we leap to this conclusion: sometimes disadvantaged people lower their expectations as a coping mechanism; and society has a moral imperative to support the disadvantaged and vulnerable. Sen provides another example of a person who owns a bicycle. The bike is a means to an end, to ensure mobility rather than an end in itself. Yet to convert the potential of bike ownership to greater mobility, certain conditions need to be in place. These could include, for instance, the physical ability to ride a bike; a social-cultural context that allows the person to ride a bike; and environmental conditions such as safe roads or suitable bike paths that make using a bike feasible. It’s a combination of capabilities and conversion factors that make this difference. So, what does this look like real situations? As far back as 2003, I wrote a research paper as part of an organisation development (OD) masters’ degree that aimed to identify and address common factors that influence engagement and effectiveness in organisations. I proposed that culture, complexity, capability and climate were critical variables. It’s about releasing and harnessing individual potential on the one hand, whilst creating the conditions in which people thrive on the other. This is, in my view, where coaching, action learning and OD intersect. What do you think?  ‘Extraordinary people are ordinary people making extraordinary decisions.’ (Sharon Pearson) Who’s in the driving seat? It’s an important question in coaching and action learning. After all, the client or presenter chooses the direction, speed, route and destination, even though we travel together. As a coach, if I find myself taking the wheel consciously or inadvertently, I would need to pause, take a breath and rethink or recontract our roles. Too much control risks distracting or disturbing the client’s own insight, potential and agency; a loss that would outweigh a gain. So, what does this look like? The client decides their own starting point, their desired goal and how they’d like to get there. I help facilitate the journey insofar as the client finds this beneficial, and offer silence, questions or reflections, or signal signposts in the road, as minimal prompts. The client navigates their own way, discovering or creating solutions to any challenges they encounter on route. I travel alongside to offer support and challenge, to sharpen awareness and skill. What have been your experiences of working with a coach? What made the difference for you? |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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