 ‘If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.’ (Erica Jong) I ran a vision and team development day yesterday for a group of inspiring Christian leaders. Their chosen venue was a football stadium (a new experience) that looked quite breathtaking for someone like me who doesn’t know the first thing about the sport. We grounded the day in a specific spiritual account, then used Appreciative Inquiry to discover, dream, design and decide in relation to it. One of the themes that emerged was, in a social and geopolitical context marked by increasing anxiety, how to avoid manifesting an anxious presence too. After all, the leaders in the group are working in the same contexts and subject to some of the same stresses and dynamics as people living in their wider communities. I was reminded of BANI – brittle, anxious, non-linear and incomprehensible. I glanced out of the window and noticed emblazoned above the stands, ‘Our Loving Devotion Guides our Livelong Dream’ and, beneath that, four short banners that repeated one simple message: 'Fear Nothing. Fear Nothing. Fear Nothing. Fear Nothing.' Love is an antidote to fear. One participant said: ‘What am I willing to do, that others may know they are loved by God?’ That's a courageous question.
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 ‘We will have to apologise in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people.’ (Martin Luther King) At 30, I had a job interview for a UK-wide Christian social action organisation. As part of the process I met with the CEO and, during our conversation, I challenged him candidly on various points. As I left his office, the recruiting Director looked horrified and remarked pointedly, ‘Don’t address the CEO as ‘mate’.’ Yet the visionary CEO saw something of potential in this rough and unpolished diamond and, on being offered the job, he took me under his wing as his mentee. He appreciated my honesty and often called me into his office to ask my opinion on important organisational matters that were way above my pay grade. I will never forget his trust in me. This experience came to mind today when I was reading an account in the life of Jesus where representatives of the establishment (who opposed him bitterly) said, ‘We know you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.’ It was a back-handed swipe at Jesus’ lack of deference to those in authority, yet it also revealed something important. We can’t be effective change agents if we make ourselves subservient to whomever is in power out of a desire to promote our own self-interests or to avoid the risks of punitive consequences. Reinhold Niebuhr, the former American theologian, ethicist and commentator on politics and public affairs, once warned of something similar: ‘It’s wonderful what a simple White House invitation will do to dull the critical faculties.’ Brennan Manning, author and priest, added to this sobering reflection: ‘Niebuhr’s admonition must be weighed. The privilege of preaching to the President is so vaunted that most people use the opportunity to repay the compliment. In an atmosphere of mutual admiration, spiritual teaching dissolves into verbal Alka-Seltzer and speaking truth becomes impossible.’ Tough love here: don’t sacrifice integrity for expediency.  ‘You are stronger than you think.’ (Lori Gottlieb) In How to Master Anxiety, Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell identify several common indicators that people may be experiencing anxiety or depression. When describing situations they face, individuals often fall into what the authors call the ‘3 Ps’: personalising (“It’s all my fault”), pervasiveness (“This will affect everything”) or permanence (“This will go on forever”). Although these beliefs are essentially assumptions or hypotheses, they can feel absolutely real in the moment. They also reinforce themselves, intensifying the person’s stress or distress. Therapist Todd Schmenk has noted that anxiety often arises as a psychological response to something imagined or anticipated in the future, while depression frequently stems from how a person interprets or evaluates events in the past. This idea of temporal perception matters because it provides a way to explore the assumptions or predictions people make about what may lie ahead, as well as the beliefs and meanings they attach to what has already happened. Both perspectives can shape profoundly how a person experiences the present. When feeling anxious, threatened or stressed, people often exhibit a predictable set of behavioural responses. Walter Cannon (and later Pete Walker) described these as the ‘4 Fs’: fight (confronting the threat), flight (avoiding it), freeze (becoming immobilised) or fawn (appeasing to reduce tension). These reactions operate largely subconsciously as protective strategies designed to minimise harm. While they may serve an immediate survival need, they can gradually become limiting or counter-productive if relied upon too rigidly or too often. One of the skills of psychological coaching is to help people recognise and understand these automatic patterns, whether they stem from the 3 Ps or the 4 Fs, and to explore them. Through guided reflection and supportive challenge, the coach offers a person a way to test unhelpful assumptions, develop new behavioural choices and build greater emotional flexibility. This can not only reduce the intensity of anxiety or low mood but also strengthen their capacity to respond to life and work pressures with greater clarity, resourcefulness and resilience. Are you curious to work with a psychological coach? Get in touch!  ‘Reflexivity is our own self-reflection in the meaning-making process.’ (Margaret Kovach) It’s a bit like looking in a mirror. When I look at any situation and myself in relation to it (e.g. who or what I’m focusing on (and not); how I’m feeling; the stance I’m taking), what could it reveal about me?’ If I grow in awareness by responding honestly to such questions, it could enable me to grow in authenticity and open up fresh insights and ideas for action. Example: ‘My team colleague is under-performing and I’m frustrated with her laziness. It annoys me that I have to do extra work to make sure we don’t miss deadlines.’ On the face of it, it sounds like a simple description of my colleague’s behaviour and impact. Yet what reflexive insights could this reveal about me (and, perhaps, my broader cultural environment too)? Let's think. It could, for instance, say something implicitly about my own beliefs; assumptions; values; filters; expectations; hopes; preferences; fears; norms or needs. (I could, critically, substitute ‘own’ with ‘cultural’ in that list – it’s about me, but it’s not only about me.) By coaching a person to work reflexively in this way, they can choose afresh how to respond.  ‘Reflective thinking turns experience into insight.’ (John C. Maxwell) In his short booklet, Coach the Person Not the Problem, Chad Hall distinguishes helpfully between different focus points in coaching relationships and conversations. He observes that new coaches often focus, along with the client, on the issue or problem the client hopes to address and resolve. In doing so, they enter into something like an alliance, seeking to solve the challenge together. The coach risks, however, falling into diagnostic problem-solving mode or getting lost with the client in the client’s own perspective on and experience of the issue. Hall contrasts this consulting-type approach with that of a more experienced coach who holds their attention on the client, while the client focuses on their issue. In this scenario, the coach aims to enables the client to explore, make sense of and resolve the challenge for themselves with the coach acting as facilitator for the client. The coach may pose questions that enable the client to explore the issue more deeply or broadly, perhaps by focusing on goals, realities in the client’s situation, what their options are and, in view of that, what they will choose to do. Hall contrasts this reflective-type approach with that of a psychologically-oriented coach who may invite the client to focus on themselves, with the issue they are raising acting like a mirror. It’s a reflexive approach that, in Hall’s view, can move a client beyond immediate problem-solving to personal transformation. The coach may invite the client to notice, for instance, what they are focusing on (and not), to reflect on how they are framing an issue or situation, or to explore what that reveals in terms of personal beliefs and values (a bit like in supervision). I would add 2 further dimensions, the first of which could entail focusing for a moment on the dynamic taking place between the coach and the client and exploring tentatively if that could represent a parallel process, a relational re-enactment of what is taking place between the client and a key person with whom they are engaging in their situation. The second could be to focus critically on what, potentially, the client’s perspectives, feelings and responses could reveal about cultural, contextual or systemic influences that may well be impacting on them.  ‘Missing from the line-up are the leaders of four of the world’s five most-polluting economies – China, the United States, India and Russia.’ (Volcovici & Paraguassu) I received a message from a close friend in the Philippines this morning, on the same day the UN Climate Change Conference (COP30) is due to open in Belém, Brazil. It was stark news in the aftermath of Typhoon Tino this week: ‘Just below my home, an entire family including their makeshift house were carried away by the raging floods. Their bodies haven’t been found.’ The head in the oil-drenched sand, climate-denying US Drill Baby, Drill Administration has chosen to send no-one to the talks. Words fail me.  ‘Forgiving is not forgetting; it’s actually remembering – remembering and not using your right to hit back. It’s a second chance for a new beginning.’ (Desmond Tutu) The sound of splintering glass shattered the silence of the night. Someone had broken into the newly-refurbished community hall and Bridget, the Christian leader who for months had poured her heart and soul into the project, raced out into the street dressed only in a nightgown and a coat pulled hurriedly over the top. The thief had escaped, having stolen money and created a total mess inside, leaving only the distressing aftermath of a break-in. Bridget felt angry that this had happened, especially having worked so hard. She had taken on this work, to get this centre up and running, to support one of the most deprived communities in the UK. She had wanted to create a place of welcome for all local people including refugees, those trapped in entrenched poverty, surviving persistent unemployment, struggling with all kinds of drug and alcohol abuse, living chaotic lives or caught up in crime. A police woman turned up at Bridget’s home to let her know they had caught the burglar on camera but hadn’t yet apprehended him in person. To her surprise, Bridget responded that she had been trying to imagine how desperate the thief must have been to break in like that. Having reflected on an encounter with Jesus in preparation for a talk, she resolved that if the culprit were ever to come into the church, she would welcome him with open arms. The police officer looked stunned, and wept. The man was arrested and, in time, he said he would like to meet with Bridget as part of a restorative justice programme. Bridget agreed and they met together in a room with a probation officer. The guilty party opened with an apology and offered Bridget a card to say sorry. He said he had fallen on hard times and had stolen the money to buy food. Bridget knew it must have taken courage for him to meet her like this and replied from the heart, ‘I forgive you.’ Bridget then told him honestly about the disheartening impact it had had on her at the time, at how she had felt like giving up. As she was speaking, he interrupted and pleaded with her, ‘Please don’t ever give up.’ Bridget responded in a spirit of compassion and reconciliation: ‘If ever you’re hungry again and in need of help, please come to my home and I will give you food. If ever you need anything or simply a place to be, you will always be welcome here.’ ‘Forgiving is not forgetting; it’s actually remembering – remembering and not using your right to hit back. It’s a second chance for a new beginning.’  ‘Children reveal to us the most vital need of their development, saying: 'Help me to do it alone.’’ (Maria Montessori) Today, I had that first day at school feeling. After all, I‘ve never before stepped into a Kindergarten in Germany. The leader, an inspiring expert in early child pedagogy, gave me a guided tour of the school, introduced me to children and groups and invited me to observe and join in. I was there in a state of curiosity, to learn any creative insights and ideas that could be re-applied to my own work with adults, teams and groups. The children started the day with a check-in, where they sit in a circle with the leader (similar to the practice in Montessori schools) and take turns to share how they are, what they’ve been doing and what’s on their minds as well as notice and inquire about, say, who is absent. Individuals notice, are noticed, and matter to the whole. This builds sense of community with an awareness of ‘I’ in the context of ‘we’. Human before task. When the leader posed a question (again, similar to a Montessori approach of posing questions rather than answers to evoke curiosity and insight), a little girl raised her hand high, straining with enthusiasm to be picked. Her response to the leader’s question was, ‘I don’t know.’ I loved that. It felt like a Socratic moment. She owned her not-knowing and shared it in the group without any shame or embarrassment. Model authenticity. In the playground outside there were, for instance, simple logs of wood and tyres that children could use to construct their own improvised play equipment. There were different types of play environment too such as grass, soil, bushes and even areas for children to spend time alone if they want to, relatively unobserved. Older children get involved in work to design, develop and keep the playground tidy. Ensure sense of agency. The leader showed me some of the children’s craft work. I was curious that they had learned upper case before lower case when writing, the opposite to how we tend to teach in the UK. The leader explained that they actually talk about drawing words, rather than writing them, to build on children’s instinctive desire to draw; and they learn capitals first because German names and nouns all start with capitals. Cultural adaptivity. Most German families now have very few children, and such children are often used to adults attending to their every interest and need. Many incoming refugees, by contrast, have lots of children, and such children can find themselves competing for attention at home. In both cases, it impacts on how children behave in groups. The former expect attention; the latter crave it. Make sense of behaviour in light of contextual background.  ‘Sometimes it takes a natural disaster to reveal a social disaster.’ (Jim Wallis) I didn’t sleep well last night. This time, it wasn’t fake news. Typhoon Tino hit hard and battered central Philippines, leaving at least 188 people dead and thousands of others’ fragile homes and livelihoods shattered. It came on the back of a 6.9 earthquake in the same region just weeks ago that left at least 74 people dead and countless others injured or without homes. Jasmin called me from within the Signal 4 storm itself last night, just before the power cut off. Wind and rain were lashing at her windows, along with windswept objects crashing against the glass. Trees outside were uprooted violently and thrown to the ground. She looked anxious and I felt terrified. The deep flood waters that followed have left much of the area underwater. Thank God, she managed to message me this morning with snapshots of the devastation outside, yet her family safe on the inside. We had prayed hard last night – Jasmin with faith and me in near desperation – and I had a mysterious dream of Jesus alongside her there, reflecting a supernatural biblical account of Presence and survival in impossible circumstances.  ‘Borders are scratched across the hearts of men, by strangers with a calm, judicial pen. And when the borders bleed we watch with dread, the lines of ink across the map turn red.’ (Marya Mannes) It’s one thing to read social media reports of irregular migrant pushbacks between EU states. It’s another thing to see actual soldiers guarding a border crossing. I was surprised therefore this weekend to pass by regular police at one end of a small footbridge in Görlitz, Germany, facing soldiers dressed in military fatigues and carrying assault rifles in Zgorzelec on the Polish side of the border. It felt like a sign of the times, a tension and tightening on so many different fronts. Poland says its deployment of soldiers at the border is a direct response to Germany’s push back into Poland of irregular migrants who cross through Poland into Germany. Germany says its own deployment of border guards aims to prevent irregular migrants from crossing from Poland into Germany in the first place. Both governments, like so many others in Europe and beyond, are responding to growing popular anger and resentment against irregular migrants and migration. I walked across the bridge, the border, several times and wasn’t stopped by the guards. Neither side checked my passport nor my immigration status nor gave me a second glance. I did see the police on the German side step out of their van to speak with two men who looked North African by appearance. Perhaps it was just a casual chat. I also saw a young family in Muslim attire scurry across into Poland when the soldiers weren’t there. Perhaps it was just coincidental timing. |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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