Eyes wide open

30/12/2024

'We don't get to choose how we come into this world - but God gives the freedom to choose how we live in it.' (Frances Cabrini)

The end of a year and start of a new one marks a transition point in the calendar and, at times, in our own lives too. It’s an opportunity to look back, re-evaluate, learn and make choices before casting our eyes forward to take next steps in a future direction. I find the best way I can do this is by taking time away from day-to-day distractions in silence, to sit before God and before myself, as if looking into a mirror long and hard to face whatever may surface into awareness. This kind of reflective examination sometimes helps me to avoid falling into repeating patterns of thought and action, often based more on habitual routines than on conscious decisions.

Part of the challenge we may encounter is self-deception; made more difficult by subconscious projection (that is, framing others in ways that distort reality) and introjection (that is, framing ourselves in ways that distort reality). The subconscious part means we do it without being aware that we’re doing it. It’s a kind of fooling ourselves about fooling ourselves – a double bind, if you like. There’s a risk, on the one hand, that we believe what we want to believe – which is a way of defending ourselves from anxiety, confusion or stress – or, on the other, we believe what we fear most – which is a sign, driver and consequence of anxiety. And both without knowing it.

So how can we get past this? I try a number of strategies. On the foundational hope, purpose and ethics front, I reflect prayerfully on the Bible and on other spiritual resources. On the professional development front, including to address my own hidden assumptions and risks of avoidance, I employ a talented coach who’s high in stimulus and in challenge. On the fresh thinking front, I network, read articles and write blogs to share and invite insights and ideas with and from others. On the international front, I work cross-culturally and, on occasion, visit other places and cultures. Taken as a whole, these approaches help me to stay, as well as I can, at the edge of my calling.

14 Comments

Pete Hearsum

2/1/2025 12:51:33 am

Nick, the double bind you describe, believing what we want or fear without awareness, is a striking insight. It reminds me of Sartre’s notion of "bad faith," where individuals deceive themselves to escape existential responsibility.

Your strategies are commendable, especially the combination of spiritual, professional, and intercultural approaches. This holistic framework acknowledges the multifaceted nature of growth. However, I wonder if the blog might benefit from examples illustrating these practices in action. For instance, what specific moments in your life highlighted the risks of self-deception or the breakthroughs that emerged from facing it?

Additionally, while the focus on spiritual and professional resources is enriching, it might be worth addressing how others without access to such networks or coaching could begin their own journeys. Could the tools of reflection, like journaling or peer support, offer starting points for those navigating similar challenges?

Your piece is both thoughtful and practical. It’s a call to courageously confront the truths we often evade and offers readers actionable strategies for growth.

Nick Wright

3/1/2025 01:35:27 pm

Thank you, Pete. I appreciate your thoughtful reflections and suggestions. I hadn't heard of Sartre's 'bad faith' before so I Googled it and found this interesting article that I completely agree with: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/hide-and-seek/202310/jean-paul-sartres-bad-faith-the-danger-of-denying-freedom. I found the writer's comment that: 'To kill a man is still to kill a man, even if we happen to be wearing a uniform' particularly illustrative and insightful. I like the ideas of journaling and peer support as opportunities for reflection.

Samuel Hawley

2/1/2025 12:55:23 am

Hi Nick. Your words resonate deeply for me, like ripples on still waters disturbed by the stone of truth. To sit in silence before God and self - what a courageous act! It reminds me of the mystics who sought clarity in the quiet, seeking the Divine not in thunder but in the whisper.

Self-deception, as you describe, is a veil over the soul, a fog that distorts both what we fear and what we desire. The practices you share: prayer, reflection, and cross-cultural connection, are like lanterns illuminating the path. Thank you for reminding me to pause, to peel away layers of illusion. In the stillness, perhaps I too can see clearly and take my next step forward in faith and authenticity.

3/1/2025 01:36:34 pm

Hi Samuel - and thank you for sharing those reflections so poetically and so beautifully.

Maria Newton

2/1/2025 12:57:39 am

Hi Nick, this blog gave me a lot to think about though honestly, my "mirror" is often the chaos of raising kids. Finding silence feels like an impossible dream! But your point about self-deception rings true for me. I’ve caught myself blaming others for things I probably could have handled differently. Your strategies sound great, but any advice for those of us juggling a million things and barely managing to find five minutes to reflect? Thanks Nick!

3/1/2025 01:50:21 pm

Thank you, Maria, for such an honest response. Yes, it can sometimes be difficult to find silence in the midst of the noise of day-to-day life. I know that experience too. A couple of thoughts come to mind: firstly, 'silence' is sometimes less about absence of physical noise and more about a stillness within; secondly, where we can't find silence, we need to find ways to create it. I know that can sound easier said than done! I would encourage you to consider where you could carve out those spaces for reflection, even if only for a few minutes at a time - perhaps with a friend over a coffee or before you fall asleep?

Kristin

2/1/2025 01:00:11 am

Hey Nick. This blog is so inspiring! I’m in my early 20s and just starting to figure out who I am and what I want from life. Your ideas about reflecting deeply and facing self-deception hit hard. I’ve already seen how easy it is to ignore uncomfortable truths. I don’t have a coach or access to big opportunities yet, but I’m going to try journaling and talking to friends about these ideas. Thank you for reminding me to keep questioning myself and striving for growth. It feels like the start of something big! :)

3/1/2025 01:54:01 pm

Thanks for such encouraging feedback, Kristin. It sounds like you're making a great start and on the right track!

Deborah Costi

2/1/2025 01:04:00 am

Nick. Self-deception? Sure, it’s a problem. But let’s be real. How much of it is actually solvable? Sitting in silence sounds nice but for most people, life doesn’t give that luxury. Work, bills, relationships. Those don’t pause so you can stare at yourself in a metaphorical mirror. And the ideas? They sound effective but also elitist. A talented coach, international travel, cross-cultural experiences. These aren’t options for the average person. What about someone living paycheck to paycheck?

Your post assumes people can even recognize self-deception in the first place, which seems overly optimistic. It’s not that I don’t appreciate your insight. It’s thoughtful and introspective. But maybe the real challenge is finding solutions that work for everyone, not just those with time and resources to spare.

3/1/2025 02:03:11 pm

Hi Deborah. Thank you for a stimulating challenges and for what sounds, for you, like an important reality check. I think the challenges you have described are commonplace and present a genuine paradox - the busier we are, the more we need to reflect, and the less time we have to do it. That's also, in part, a narrative we tell ourselves. On that theme, this short related piece may resonate? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/pit-stop. Perhaps it's less about finding solutions that work for everyone and more about creating tailored solutions for each person and set of circumstances..?

Kevin Palmer PhD

2/1/2025 01:08:13 am

Your short article adeptly highlights self-deception as a significant psychological and social phenomenon.

The interplay between projection and introjection is especially intriguing, reflecting key psychoanalytic concepts. The framing of self-deception as a subconscious double bind aligns with existing research on cognitive dissonance and defense mechanisms.

However, your approaches to addressing self-deception, while personally effective, are largely individualized. This raises an important question: to what extent is self-deception shaped by broader social structures? For instance, cultural narratives about success, morality or identity often reinforce distorted self-perceptions. Without addressing these systemic influences, personal reflection risks being insufficient or superficial.

Additionally, the emphasis on silence and introspection presumes a certain level of privilege. Many individuals lack the time, resources or emotional bandwidth for such practices due to socioeconomic constraints. Could group-based approaches such as community discussions or peer coaching, complement your methods?

Your insights are compelling, Nick, but a more inclusive exploration of self-deception could enrich the dialogue. How do collective frameworks such as cultural critique or organizational accountability interplay with individual growth? Exploring these dimensions might bridge the gap between personal transformation and systemic change, offering a more holistic perspective on this complex topic.

3/1/2025 02:22:50 pm

Thank you, Kevin. I love your question, 'To what extent is self-deception shaped by broader social structures' - it's something I address in more depth in a related blog: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/critical-reflection. I think you also raise an important point about privilege. Time and resources for reflection are sometimes a question of narrative more than reality per se, but emotional bandwidth is definitely a critical consideration - which - paradoxically - points to the need for reflective space. I say a bit more about these themes here: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/catharsis; https://www.nick-wright.com/agents-of-change.html. Community discussions and peer coaching are great ideas where possible, especially if they include a critical dimension.

Hans Vogel

2/1/2025 01:21:15 am

You are arrogant, Nick Wright.

3/1/2025 02:14:51 pm

Hi Hans. I hope not...but that's an important prompt for self-reflection.

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