Present tense

14/3/2025

‘Depression comes from repressing old memories of past events we did not come to terms with, the unresolved emotions and lack of power. Anxiety is the fear of the lack of control of the future. We only fear what we feel we cannot control.’ (Soni Weiss).

It reminds me of Lao Tzu’s observation: ‘If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.’ And Rose Eliud: ‘The past only exists in our memories. The future only exists in our imagination. The only reality is now.’

The immense power and potential of being present to the present. Yet, for some, this can feel much easier said than done. The overwhelming emotional weight of past losses, regrets or failures can, at times, feel like a sinister force dragging them down into deep, dark waters, struggling to breathe.

For others, an intense fear of the future can feel like a terrifying force, like being stalked by shadows at night or being gripped tightly, sending adrenaline pulsating wildly into a panic. Depression and anxiety reverberate together if their past was painful and they can’t see any prospect of a brighter future.

If you find yourself walking this precarious tightrope, I hope you won’t give up. I’m not a therapist so I won’t offer you advice. I try to stay present to the Presence in the present moment. It’s different to mindfulness. It’s trusting in a Person, a relationship, that gives me hope. Who or what helps you?

26 Comments

Mateo A.

14/3/2025 11:08:47 am

Hey Nick. I really appreciate this perspective. As someone who has wrestled with both depression and anxiety, I know first hand that the past and future can feel like powerful forces pulling us in opposite directions. I’ve also learned that healing isn’t about forcing yourself to be present. I’s about giving yourself grace as you practice. Therapy, movement, medication (when needed) and, most of all, self-compassion have made a huge difference for me. Everyone’s journey looks different, and that’s okay.

Nick Wright

14/3/2025 02:30:36 pm

Thank you for your encouraging feedback, Mateo, and for responding so openly from personal experience. I agree that forcing oneself to be present would be both paradoxical and counter-productive. I like your mention of movement. It's something I'm practising too. When stressed, we can easily become frozen physically. I also like your emphasis on grace, and your reflection that 'everyone's journey looks different, and that's OK.'

Dr. Marianne Kruger

14/3/2025 11:11:45 am

Hi Nick. Your reflections on depression and anxiety touch on something many people intuitively feel, that is how much our past and future can weigh on us. While unresolved emotions and a sense of lost control can certainly contribute to distress, research also shows that depression and anxiety are complex, involving not just our thoughts but also our brain chemistry, nervous system and life circumstances too. It’s understandable that being present can feel easier said than done, especially when our minds have been shaped by pain or uncertainty.

But there is hope. Therapeutic techniques like cognitive reframing, EMDR for trauma or mindfulness-based approaches can gently guide people toward a healthier relationship with their thoughts. I hope your readers will know they are not alone in this and healing is possible, one small step at a time.

14/3/2025 02:34:17 pm

Hi Marianne and thank you for adding those useful insights vis a vis brain chemistry, nervous system and life circumstances - and your words of encouragement to readers at the end. Yes, I'm familiar with some of the research into trauma, the body and EMDR which I find interesting and useful, especially Bessel van der Kolk's 'The Body Keeps the Score'.

Sienna Lorne PhD

14/3/2025 11:42:28 am

Nick, I appreciate how this reflection highlights the tension between past experiences and future fears.

Neuroscientific research supports this idea in many ways, showing how depression can alter hippocampal function and how anxiety is linked to heightened amygdala activity. These aren’t just thoughts; they’re deeply rooted patterns in our brains and bodies. The encouraging part? The brain is changeable. Through mindfulness, therapy and even simple acts of self-care, we can reshape our responses and create new pathways toward peace. Presence is a practice and for many, it’s a deeply healing one.

14/3/2025 02:37:17 pm

Thank you, Sienna. The information you kindly shared reminded me of similar insights from Human Givens Therapy. (I've included links in the opening quotation under 'Depression' and 'Anxiety' for anyone who may be interested in learning more about this growing field of research and therapy).

Andre Vasquez

14/3/2025 11:56:05 am

Hi Nick. Thank you for posting this blog. I like this perspective on time and mental health. I hadn't made that connection before. At the same time, I do think it’s important to recognize that depression and anxiety aren’t just individual struggles. They’re also shaped by the world we live in. For some, fear of the future isn’t just internal but a response to real uncertainty: e.g. financial struggles, systemic inequalities, past traumas or even war. Healing isn’t just about learning to be present. It’s also about creating a world where people feel safe enough to be.

That said, presence can still be powerful. Even in difficult circumstances, finding small moments of peace through e.g. connection, art, faith or movement can be acts of quiet resistance against despair.

14/3/2025 02:42:14 pm

Hi Andre - and well said. Yes, some would argue that experiences of depression and anxiety aren't necessarily signs of some internal dysfunction in a person, but of dysfunction in the environments in which that person finds themselves. I like your call to action, 'creating a world where people feel safe enough to be' and 'acts of quiet resistance against despair.'

Rowan

14/3/2025 12:07:36 pm

Nick, you got me thinking. Your reflection invites such an interesting question: Can we ever truly live in the present? The moment we name it, it has already passed. And yet we still seek it, perhaps because we know, deep down, that presence offers something we desperately need. Stillness, clarity and a sense of being whole. Maybe peace isn’t about escaping the past or future, but about learning to let them exist without letting them consume us.

14/3/2025 02:43:24 pm

Hi Rowan. You got me thinking too. 'Learning to let them exist without letting them consume us.' I like that.

Liang Shen

14/3/2025 12:12:14 pm

Thank you for sharing this Nick. I understand these feelings very well. Before, I often thought about my past mistakes and worried about the future. I believed if I planned everything well I could have peace. But the more I tried to control the more tired and afraid I felt.

Then I started to trust God more. Jesus said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” (Matthew 6:34). I realized God is with me right now. I don’t need to carry everything alone. When I give my past and future to Him I feel a deep peace. Not because life is always easy but because I know He will take care of me.

If you or anyone are struggling, I want to encourage you: trust God for today. Just today. He will give you enough grace and enough strength. He is faithful. Always. 🙏

14/3/2025 02:45:16 pm

Thank you, Liang, for sharing such a deeply personal witness of discovering peace and hope through faith in Jesus. 🙏

Lila

14/3/2025 12:15:12 pm

Hi Nick. For me, small moments like taking a deep breath, reaching out to a friend or even just drinking a cup of tea and letting myself enjoy it can be steps toward peace. I am not alone and I am worthy of support and kindness especially from myself.

14/3/2025 02:50:59 pm

Hi Lila. Yes, small things can be such big things - a smile, a touch, a hug, a cup of tea - or fresh air, change of scenery, healthy food, physical exercise, hot shower, a prayer, showing kindness, doing something that feels purposeful. And, as you say, reaching out to others and allowing ourselves to be reached and supported by others too.

Elara Moon

14/3/2025 12:16:44 pm

Thank you for writing this Nick. We are not bound to what was or what will be. There is peace to be found even in the in-between. If only we can find it.

14/3/2025 02:52:03 pm

Thank you, Elara - and yes, indeed.

Jennifer Knight

14/3/2025 02:13:35 pm

Nice blog, Nick, written with an air of cool detachment. But do you really know what it’s like for the rest of us? I always have the impression you float easily through life in your happy little God bubble, cosy, safe and untouched by the cares of this world.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to be too harsh, but have you ever really experienced: betrayal by a lover, agony of a divorce, a serious injury or illness, death of a family member, rejection by redundancy, long-term unemployment, fear of bullying, crying yourself to sleep at night, loss of your home??

I didn’t think so.

14/3/2025 02:56:13 pm

Hi Jennifer. I can't say with hand on heart that I know what it's like for everyone else in this world...we each walk our own unique path with its own gifts and challenges...but I can say with hand on heard that I have, personally, experienced everything on your list... If you have too, I hope you can find peace, healing and hope.

Beth Terhaar

14/3/2025 02:18:05 pm

Thanks for posting this Nick. I agree with you. It's the mind games about the past (we can't change) and the future (we can't control) that cause us so much distress.

14/3/2025 03:04:26 pm

Thank you, Beth. Yes, you reminded me of a poster I saw many years ago by a charity working with people facing the future with a serious, degenerative physical disease. The strapline said simply but profoundly, 'It's what goes through your mind that's the worst.' I never forgot that.

Melody Cooney

14/3/2025 02:21:34 pm

Hi Nick. I like how you write these things so clearly and succinctly. I would like to add, however, that sometimes our anxieties about the future (for example, ill health, loss of income, environmental disasters, wars) are well-founded. I'm not sure how being in the present will help us to address them?

14/3/2025 03:09:38 pm

Thank you, Melody. That's an important observation and a great question. Yes, many of the real challenges we face in life aren't simply figments of the imagination. Being present is something about how we ground ourselves as we face and deal with them. And that can make all the difference.

Iain Walsh

14/3/2025 02:24:52 pm

"I try to stay present to the Presence in the present moment." I love how you wrote that. I do too and sometimes I experience the most incredible peace and consolation from God, even in the middle of very difficult situations. You can only know if if you've felt it. I can't find the words to explain it to anyone who hasn't.

14/3/2025 03:07:10 pm

Hi Iain. Yes, there's something about the deepest spiritual experiences that we somehow 'know' intuitively, yet find virtually impossible to express to others in words. That has been my experience too. Some things transcend human language.

Meggie

14/3/2025 08:53:38 pm

We have all experienced, on various levels, anxiety and depression. The key to survival, I think, is to be true to yourself and as you say try to be present in the present. I’ve learned you can’t change the past and why worry about the future, what will be will be. Life tends to surprise you and knocks you off balance but with the help from family, good friends and trying your best to stay positive hopefully diminishes the negative feelings to help rebalance you. All this is hard to do, I know, (been there and got the t-shirt, as they say). A cuppa and a hug can be just as therapeutic too.

15/3/2025 10:55:19 am

Hi Meggie. Thank you for sharing these helpful insights and ideas. Yes, life certainly can surprise us (on that theme, this short related piece may be of interest: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/out-of-nowhere) and, at times, knock us off balance. I like your emphasis on getting through such times with others - not always alone - and I agree that a cup of tea and a hug can be hugely therapeutic too!

Present tense

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