My car is red

The power of language and metaphor in coaching

 
​Wright, N, (2025). ‘My Car is Red’, Coaching Today, British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy, April, pp24-26

It’s hard to stand outside of ourselves, to view ourselves and the situations in which we find ourselves through fresh eyes. I often notice this when training coaches, that they too feel stuck. How can we think outside of our own coaching models, our own learned practices, to open up fresh paradigms and possibilities with and for a client?1 One way is via language and metaphor.

To demonstrate this, I may simply write ‘My car is red’ on a whiteboard. It’s a metaphor that illustrates the power of language and culture. At first, coach trainees may look at me blankly. As we unpack it together, however, all kinds of insights and ‘aha’-moments arise. It’s about deconstructing the unquestioned, the obvious, the apparently self-evident, in order to recreate something new.

Constructs
 
‘My car is red.’ ‘Big deal,’ you may say, ‘my car is blue/green/silver.’
 
On the face of it, ‘my car is red’ simply sounds like a point for information, principally about the colour of the car. But is that really all it conveys? The relationship between language, culture and personal-social constructs is complex and profound. ‘My car is red’ conveys all kind of hidden messages.
 
‘My’ relates to ‘I’. It says something about how I see myself in relation to others, my ‘self’ as separate and distinct from others. It’s a culturally-constructed ‘I’. ‘My’ says something about possession. I consider the car in some way ‘belongs’ to me. This notion of possession, of belonging, is a cultural construct. It’s about the relationship between ‘me’ and ‘other’.
 
It points beyond my personal beliefs, my personal constructs, to a wider cultural context and how the relationship between people and objects is perceived and organised in my cultural environment.2 It has political and economic implications, touches on issues of rights and legality, shared implicit values, rules and behaviours that the culture I live within accepts and endorses.
 
‘Car’. At a literal level, I picture the car and I see an object that has a particular function, a mode of transport. As I explore my ‘car’ phenomenologically, I realise it evokes feelings of comfort, convenience, freedom and enjoyment for me. Culturally, it also represents something about relative wealth, social status and mobility. It’s an object and a personal-cultural symbol.
 
If I had never seen or heard of ‘car’ before, or any such vehicle, and encountered one out of context, I could only guess what it is and what it is designed for. I would have no idea how to operate it, what its capabilities are or what significance it carries in my actual cultural environment.3 In other words, the whole idea of ‘car’ and what it means is culturally-constructed.
 
‘Is red’. This attributes properties to the car, as if ‘redness’ is inherent to the car, an actual colour of the car. It’s about the car, it’s not about me. It’s a metaphysical view, how I believe things are in the world. To be more accurate, I could say that I experience the car as ‘red’, where ‘red’ is the colour I experience in the brain when I see the car in white light. (For example, is the car still red when it’s dark?)4
 
But ‘red’ is a social construct too. We use red to denote a colour, a label that distinguishes one colour, or a group of similar colours that fall broadly into ‘red’ within my culture, from other colours. I don’t simply see and categorise colours at a personal level. I live within a culture that distinguishes between and organises colour categories in very specific ways.5
 
Applications
 
If that all sounds a bit abstract, allow me now to share a couple of illustrations of what this could look like in actual coaching conversations.
 
Sarah is frustrated and tells me that her team colleague, Alan, ‘is an underperformer’. At the same time, she feels stuck in terms of how to address this. I offer to help her unpack it using the approach outlined above. She agrees.
 
N: So… ‘My team colleague, Alan, is an underperformer.’
S: Yes, that’s the crux of the issue I’m facing.
N: Can you say a bit more about ‘my’...?
S: We work in the same team.
N: How else might you frame that?
S: Hmm…we belong to the same team.
N: What is the ‘team’ that you belong to?
S: It’s us, along with the other team members.
N: So, who belongs to whom in the team?
S: We all belong to each other, I guess.
N: Alan belongs to you…and you belong to Alan?
S: Insofar as the team is concerned, yes.
N: What does it mean to belong to each other in the team?
S: We rely on each other to perform well.
N: So… for you to perform well, you need Alan to perform well?
S: Yes, exactly, and he doesn’t.
N: What does Alan need to perform well?
S: (Pause) Hmm. Can we come back to that?
N: OK. Say a bit more about ‘is’…?
S: It means that’s what Alan is. An underperformer.
N: That sounds very definitive.
S: Yes indeed. That’s the problem.
N: Alan’s performance, or the definitive description?
S: (Pause) Hmm…that feels challenging…but keep going.
N: What else is Alan?
S: What do you mean?
N: What might others notice about him?
S: (Pause) He’s a caring person, looks out for others.
N: Anything else?
S: He’s reliable. He always turns up on time.
N: How important are those qualities to the team?
S: Very. But he’s still underperforming in other areas.
N: What are you noticing, here and now?
S: (Pause) That I’m making sweeping generalisations?
N: What else are you aware of?
S: That I’m focusing on aspects of Alan that frustrate me.
N: So, what does ‘underperformer’ mean to you?
S: That he’s not doing his job.
N: Say a bit more...?
S: He’s not meeting the required standards.
N: All the standards?
S: OK, some of the standards.
N: Who is requiring the standards?
S: The organisation. It’s his job description.
N: Is anyone else requiring the standards?
S: (Pause). OK, me.
N: What does Alan need to meet those standards?
S: (Long pause). Yes, me.
N: What does he need from you?
S: I guess I will need to ask him that.
N: Where are you at in your own thinking now?
S: I’ve been focusing on Alan’s performance, not my own.
N: Go on…?
S: I hadn’t considered how I might be affecting his performance.
N: Say more...?
S: I need to remember that I need to be a team player too.
N: Do you know what you need to do now?
S: Yes.
 
Dan faces a different challenge. He has been working for many years in a social sector organisation and unexpectedly receives news that he is to be made redundant. This comes as a shock. When I ask him how he is feeling, Dan replies, ‘As if the rug has been pulled out from under my feet’. I invite him to explore the meaning of the metaphor as a possible way through this.6 He agrees.
 
N: So… ‘The rug has been pulled out from under my feet.’
D: Yes, that’s how it feels.
N: The rug – what is that for you?
D: My job.
N: And..?
D: (Pause) My sense of security, I guess.
N: Something has shifted in your sense of security?
D: I think so, yes.
N: What has given you security until now?
D: Hmm…my job, my salary.
N: And what does a shift in those things mean for you?
D: I’m worried about losing my income.
N: Anything else?
D: And my home, and my car, if I can’t pay the bills.
N: Anything else?
D: That I might not be able to find another job.
N: What feelings does that evoke for you?7
D: Hmm… hurt, fear, disappointment, betrayal.
N: Say more?
D: I’ve given my best to this job. It feels so unfair.
N: It touches on issues of fairness for you.
D: Yes. I can’t believe they’re treating me like this.
N: It’s different to what you had expected.
D: Yes, that’s it.
N: Do you have a sense of who or what has pulled the rug?
D: My boss. The senior management team.
N: And ‘pulled’ – it sounds like something that’s happened to you.
D: Yes, it was their decision. I’m powerless to change it.
N: You feel powerlessness in this.
D: Yes, and I hate that feeling.
N: What would give you a greater sense of power?
D: (Pause) I need to get back on my own feet.
N: Go on…
D: I could step off the rug rather than have it pulled.
N: What would that look like in practice?
D: I could update my CV and start job hunting.
N: Anything else?
D: I could try to negotiate my leaving terms.
N: What else?
D: I could talk to a career coach to broaden my options.
N: How are you feeling as you list these things?
D: Much better in myself.
N: Much better?
D: Less anxious, more powerful.
N: What about your earlier feelings?
D: I guess the managers have a right to make these decisions.
N: Go on...?
D: But I’m still very disappointed.
N: So, stepping off the rug, what do you want to do with that?
D: I will arrange to meet my boss and tell him how I feel.
N: How does that feel, as you say it?
D: A bit nervous, but at least I will have got it off my chest.
N: Do you know what you need to do now?
D: Yes.
 
Reflections
 
As we have seen here, the language and metaphors that we and our coaching clients use are saturated with personal and cultural assumptions. Take an example from your own work – any phrase, conversation or document – and spend a moment reflecting on the underlying assumptions it reveals. Here are some everyday examples that we may commonly hear in organisations:

• I am a leader.
• We work as a team.
• Our goal is to delight the customer.
• Change is here to stay.

 
According to social constructionism, language and metaphors both convey and create meaning.2 In that sense, they can both help us and constrain us. If we enable a client to explore or change the language or the metaphor, we can alter the ‘reality’ they perceive, create new ideas and open up fresh possibilities.8 Our gift to our client is to enable them to do this for themselves.

• What underlying beliefs and values does your language reveal?
• How is your language constraining you and others with whom you work?
• What do you discover if you play with different words and metaphors?
• What metaphor would be most motivating and life-giving for you?

 
In conclusion, the ways in which clients describe their situations is not merely reflective of reality but actively constructs it. Language and metaphor are powerful tools that shape their perceptions, assumptions and possibilities. As coaches, by helping clients deconstruct their language and explore alternative ways of framing their experiences, we can open the door to fresh insights and transformative change.
 
By examining and reshaping the words and metaphors that clients use, they can uncover hidden beliefs, challenge limiting assumptions and create new pathways for growth. Ultimately, our role is to empower clients to see beyond their current narratives, unlock their untapped potential and foster meaningful change.
 
References

1. Wright N. Critical reflection. [Online]. https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/critical-reflection (accessed 3 February 2025).
2. Gergen K. An invitation to social construction. London: Sage; 2009.
3. Wright N. Social constructionism applied. [Online]. nick-wright.com/blog/social-constructionism-applied. (accessed 3 February 2025).
4. Hasker W. Metaphysics. Leicester: Intervarsity Press; 1983.
5. Burr V. Social constructionism. London: Routledge; 2024.
6. Lawley JD, Tompkins PL. Metaphors in mind. London: Developing Company Press; 2012.
7. Wright N. How do you feel? Coaching Today 2020; 34: 30ff.
8. Wright N. Out of the building. [Online]. https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/out-of-the-building. (accessed 3 February 2025).

  
(This article appeared in the April 2025 issue of Coaching Today, which is published by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy ©BACP 2025)