What is real, what is true, how can we know? These are questions that have vexed philosophers for centuries. In more recent times, we have seen an increasing convergence between philosophy and psychology in fields such as social constructionism and existential therapy. How we experience and make sense of being, meaning and purpose is inextricably linked to how we behave, what we choose and what stance we take in the world. As a Christian and psychological coach, I’m intrigued by how these fundamental issues, perspectives and actions intertwine with my beliefs, spirituality and practice. Descartes once wrote, ‘If you would be a real seeker after truth, you must at least once in your life doubt, as far as possible, all things.’ It’s as if we must be prepared to suspend all assumptions about ‘what is’, to explore all possibilities and dare to think the unthinkable in order to grow and make our best contribution. Things are not always as they at first appear. There are sometimes multiple explanations for the same phenomenon, depending on the frame of reference we or others use to interpret it (see, for instance, Gareth Morgan’s seminal work, Images of Organisation, 1986). We are sometimes blinded to what’s in front of us by our prejudices, preconceptions, cultural constraints or rigid views of the world. It can be hard to maintain healthy scepticism without cynicism. I see it with clients, sometimes in myself too. A sense of being trapped by a fixed Gestalt, a cognitive distortion, an inherited or learned belief system. An inability to see, to recognise the box that we’re in, never mind to see or think outside of it. An avoidance of deep, difficult questions because of the discomfort, confusion or anxiety they may evoke. If we’re not careful, if we can’t find the right help when we need it, it may limit our lives and our learning. I think this is where coaching can play a very important role, helping pose and address some deep questions. Nick Bolton commented insightfully in Coaching Today that, ‘To explore a coaching issue existentially is to understand the relationship that the presenting problem has to the human condition to which it is a response, and to remain focused on enabling a change of perspective that allows the client to move past their current challenge.’ He also provided some helpful examples: ‘For instance, how is a client’s procrastination around something that seems to matter to her a failure to remember that life comes to an end? How is a client’s need to be unconditionally loved by his partner an attempt to deal with existential rather than interpersonal isolation? (And the solutions are very different things). How is someone’s lethargy simply a part of their fear of taking responsibility for their life?’ (July 2013, p17) A metaphysical, existential or theological dimension can shift the entire paradigm of the coaching conversation. The question of whether a client should apply for this or that job is influenced by her sense of purpose. If she is willing to consider that God may exist and have a plan for her life, the whole situational context will change. It can be a dizzying and exciting experience, yet it’s really a question of how courageous and radical we and the client are prepared to be.
64 Comments
1/11/2013 07:57:25 pm
Intriguing piece of undisputable fact. I have not comments than appreciation for style, depth and clarity of writing and meaningful content. I am benefited indeed. Thanks Nick.
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Nick Wright
2/11/2013 01:22:07 am
Hi Zeb and thanks for such affirming feedback. With best wishes. Nick
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Peter Moolan-Feroze
3/11/2013 04:39:41 am
I hope this is useful , I have led creativity workshops for twenty five years in businesses and have experienced many one to one situations. To me it's not about going deep in a literal sense, it's about exploring deep issues in a way that is as practical and as simple for the client as is possible. It's about finding simplicity and clarity out of complexity. In some ways we live in an age that is over obsessed with deep and probably for a host of reasons we feel drawn to being philosophers ourselves. At times I reject my own experiences, as I often say to myself about my work knowledge, " I'm not over impressed " and in truth I'm not. Thank you Nick for prompting a thought in me. Best wishes Peter
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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:35:01 am
Hi Peter and thanks for your thoughtful reply. Your comments about finding simplicity and clarity out of complexity reminded me of a college Principal I had some years ago who used to say that 'to explain something simply, we must first understand it profoundly.' I liked your emphasis on 'exploring deep issues in a way that is as practical and simple for the client as possible'. Perhaps its about trying to keep things simple without becoming simplistic. With best wishes. Nick
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Peter Moolan-Feroze
4/11/2013 05:02:41 am
Hi Nick, thank you for your message, I agree with your comment. Your thinking is timely for me, Ive been pondering on the fact that it's natural for interested people to reflect on depth of thinking, layers of thought. I am! Its somehow less attractive to look for simplicity. I write songs and one of my strongest is a deep song with quite profound wordy lyrics. However the songs I like singing most are really simple ones, and as you correctly imply there is a line between simple and simplistic. I read a critic's review of James Arthur X factor winner, his album is out. The critic said in so many words " he clearly can sing, but he needs to learn when not to sing.." I found that interesting again in relation to simplicity. Best wishes Peter
Tim Soden
4/11/2013 08:16:47 am
Hi Peter
Peter Moolan-Feroze
4/11/2013 12:05:51 pm
Hi Tim, yes I like your Miles Davis quote! I have spent much of my time trying to persuade managers to value putting time into making visible the ideas that we cannot see!
Nick Wright
7/11/2013 05:35:13 am
Wow, Peter - I loved your comment: 'he clearly can sing, but he needs to learn when not to sing.' Strikes me as a very profound coaching principle. With best wishes. Nick
Peter Moolan-Feroze
7/11/2013 06:52:25 am
Yes, I have not heard the album but I can imagine that it's non stop belting it out! When I first started workshops with business teams I felt the need to constantly fill the space with ideas and their voices! Now I prefer the pace to be more like a jumbo getting off the ground rather than a jet! If you acknowlege some silence, create stillness people can reflect. But silence in a group or as a pair is often associated with feeling uncomfortable or " this won't get the job done! " I remember two senior managers getting really quite angry because I asked the group in small teams to create paintings together in silence.
Nick Wright
7/11/2013 06:57:22 am
Hi Peter. Yes, I've had similar experiences with senior teams where, at times, the leaders have look at me anxiously (or with frustration) to intervene where I've allowed silent space for new insights or awareness to emerge. It's as if silence can be viewed negatively as inaction and, therefore, less valuable than filling the space with words. That kind of response sometimes evokes my own anxiety so I have to keep checking myself to ensure I'm not intervening to reduce my own anxiety rather than acting in what I believe to be the best longer-term interests of the team. With best wishes. Nick
Peter Moolan-Feroze
7/11/2013 07:31:40 am
Hi Nick, yes I know exactly what you mean! I think maybe the two managers found painting in silence together too much about a feeing state, too deep, although others enjoyed it. I love what you've said, Peter -- "finding simplicity and clarity out of complexity". This is what's so core about gestalt work. Yes, life, and particularly organization life, is complex. And in another way, it's not all that hard if we are fully using ourselves.
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Kate Taylor Hewett
3/11/2013 04:40:46 am
Nice blog Nick. And in an interesting synchronicity, I just wrote a blog on truth too, also exploring it from different perspectives. Something in the air? http://blog.bendykate.com/
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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:36:18 am
Hi Kate and thanks for the note. I read your blog with interest - thanks for sharing the link. Yes, curious timing! With best wishes. Nick
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Michalis Kourtidis MCIPD
3/11/2013 04:41:50 am
"It can be hard to maintain healthy scepticism without cynicism." I like that Nick...
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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:37:29 am
Hi Michalis and thanks for such an intriguing response. Could you say something more about what you mean about being 'cynical at interviews'? With best wishes. Nick
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Michalis Kourtidis MCIPD
8/11/2013 12:38:29 am
Sorry for taking long to reply Nick...
Ferro Fabbri
3/11/2013 04:42:55 am
we are talking about coaching, not some deep philosophical and or psychological in-depth discussion about ' why am I here and why is blue blue'? and the fact that an acceptance of god comes into the whole thing.....
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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:58:24 am
Hi Ferro and thanks for posting such a stimulating challenge. :)
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Ferro Fabbri
4/11/2013 12:02:16 am
all good - this is just as a discussion :)
Scott Shaw
3/11/2013 04:43:51 am
Great questions, again, Nick. Alain Cordon once said that the client's problem is not the problem; their frame is problem. My goal as a coach is to get them out of that box. Coaching that didn't do that didn't go very far.
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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 12:01:15 pm
Hi Scott and thanks for the note. I love the quotation from Alain Cordon that you shared and your approach to helping the client get out of the box that their frame of reference may represent. Many thanks for sharing it. I would love to hear more about what you do to help clients in this way, perhaps with an exampe to illustrate it from your practice? With thanks and best wishes. Nick
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Philippa van Kuilenburg
3/11/2013 12:09:11 pm
It is dependent on your style of listening as much as anything. If you make use of advance empathetic listening then the client will go deeper. The advantage from my perspective is that they stay with their own process, are no longer just talking about and actually reliving the moment. The thinking and feelings that were present then are now present again and the client is able to revisit what influenced the outcome. I am also able to see and hear what behavioral cues others respond to.
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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 12:11:30 pm
Hi Philippa and thanks for sharing your helpful reflections on this topic. I liked your emphasis on empathetic listening and how it can enable a client to move into a different quality of reflection and experience. Do you have any examples you would be willing to share? With best wishes. Nick
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Philippa van Kuilenburg
3/11/2013 02:44:18 pm
My examples are drawn primarily from my training in Psychodrama, narrative therapy and general counselling training. I use mirroring and doubling (doubling is to express what is not being said and requires an ability to role reverse with the client fully) and also use exploratory questioning.
Nick Wright
4/11/2013 12:27:54 am
Hi Philippa and many thanks for sharing such helpful principles and examples. I hadn't heard of 'doubling' before and would be interested to hear more about what that could look like in practice. I liked your exploration of what is not being said. It reminded me of insights and approaches in Gestalt coaching that I've used successfully from time to time with individuals and groups. Gestalt allows exploration and expression using a range of creative methods, including physical expression and movement, that may enable awareness to emerge that was previously hidden to both client and coach. Thanks again for such a helpful response. With best wishes. Nick
Philippa van Kuilenburg
6/11/2013 02:06:59 am
Hi Nick gestalt has some similarities to psychodrama and I understand Fritz Perls attended some of Moreno's workshops. I also have had some experiences with gestalt work and like it.
Philippa van Kuilenburg
6/11/2013 02:08:32 am
An additional comment, on TEDX talk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdvErKtIVUE# ! you will be able to watch a demonstration of doubling in action.
Nick Wright
7/11/2013 05:29:10 am
Many thanks, Philippa. Doubling sounds like an intriguing technique so I will definitely have a glance at the TED talk. With thanks again for such interesting and helpful responses. Nick
S.U
3/11/2013 11:27:20 pm
Great to see a blog from you - thought provoking , inspiring and perfectly timed for me (or God's timing, in you to me?)
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Nick Wright
4/11/2013 12:06:24 am
Thanks for such encouraging feedback, SU, and I'm pleased something in the blog resonated for you. With best wishes. Nick
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Tim Soden
4/11/2013 12:03:41 am
Hi Nick
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Nick Wright
4/11/2013 12:17:36 am
Thanks for sharing your nuggets of insight and wisdom, Tim. I particularly liked your emphasis on empathy, humility, compassion, forgiveness and humour. There's a risk that conversations about truth and reality become intellectual or ideological debates rather than a genuine human search or adventure that people can engage in together. Your comment about 'what can we let go of' reminded me of unlearning, something I once touched on in a short article: http://www.nick-wright.com/managing-our-not-knowing.html. I agree with your comment, 'nothing could be simpler and less complex'! With thanks again and best wishes. Nick
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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 05:31:58 am
Thanks Ann. I'm finding the responses fascinating too! With best wishes. Nick
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Huw Williams
5/11/2013 04:20:00 am
Wow! as you guys are swimming the channel in your coaching careers im just about to take my arm bands off for the first time! I love the "All words are pegs to hang ideas on" With a strong model and a bank of open questions per section and on hearing the first answer i find the value of "What else" and "Tell me a little bit more about that" really waters the truth conversations in the coachee.
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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:48:51 am
Hi Huw and thanks for the note. Love the image of taking your arm bands off! :) 'What else' and 'Tell me a little bit more about that' are graet coaching questions. You may be interested in some of the perspectives and ideas in this blog that focuses on good questions too: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2011/10/good-question.html. Let me know what you think. With best wishes as you continue with your studies and your coaching journey. Nick
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Huw Williams
8/11/2013 12:36:28 am
will do thanks Nick
Michael Holland
5/11/2013 08:33:14 am
Thanks again for your thoughts, Nick. This is timely for me. I've just been reading Walter Bruggemann (Biblical Scholar) talking about hope. He made reference to Karl Barth (Theologian) who suggested that the world tends to decide what is possible and then from that limited point of view, decides what can therefore be true. Barth proposed that we need to begin by deciding what is true, (in his thinking, a God who can create newness out of nothing), and from that point we are able to make a greater list of all that becomes possible.
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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:41:23 am
Hi Michael and thanks for your encouraging feedback. I found your insights from Barth helpful and inspiring. It's one of the limitations of a closed-system/materialist worldview prevalent in Western culture at the moment, based on a 'scientific' paradigm and applied to all aspects of life, existence etc. It excludes all possibilities of reality, truth and knowing except those it defines for itself. Would love to hear more if you have further thoughts on this. With best wishes. Nick
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Chris Jackson
6/11/2013 06:41:23 am
For me, use of 'depth' depends on your modality. Traditionally, problem-focussed approaches are structured around a 'surface/depth' distinction, with what's going on below the surface being the really important 'stuff'. The coach/mentor is then trained to see through the surface manifestations and get to the "underlying problem". In this metaphor, the client's presenting knowledge is assumed to be superficial and the coach/mentor's knowledge 'deeper', where "deeper" is assumed to be of more value because it will lead to longer lasting change.
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Peter Moolan-Feroze
6/11/2013 07:55:08 am
Hi Chris, your comments interest me in relation to part of my current work, enabling coaches to empower their clients to make drawings in one to one sessions. Its a creative and effective way to change the mood by expressing through colour and shape rather than through words. One of my coach clients said that the power of colours and symbols can help the client to take action. I have noticed many times how the simple impact of colour can draw out a positive and celebratory disposition in business people during workshops. There is something rewarding about creating a drawing around an issue, and people surprise themselves, that they can. Thanks Peter
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Chris Jackson
6/11/2013 07:55:44 am
Peter, metaphor, visual or otherwise (and using "metaphor" differently to that in my first post), is a great way of helping people to "shift their ways of describing their worlds and experiences" !
Peter Moolan-Feroze
6/11/2013 07:56:31 am
It's funny Chris I've been encouraging teams in business to use drawing and painting for years but it's only through working one to one and in small groups with coaches that I'm beginning to realise the significance of making the journey from words to visuals and back to words. Its within the act of traveling from one language to another that movement of thought occurs and in a way that is often playful, enjoyable, however difficult the issue.
Tim Soden
7/11/2013 05:39:29 am
Hi Chris
Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:20:28 am
Hi Peter, Thanks for your comments about drawings and use of colour and symbols. I've sometimes used methods such as River of Life to help people articulate their experience and what's significant to them without using words. I also once contracted a trainer to help my own team learn to communicate on flipcharts etc, only using visual symbols, no words. I liked the impact your described of creating a 'positive and celebratory disposition'. It can certainly help to draw on right brain creativity and insight without feeling constrained by logic, reason and language. With best wishes. Nick
Nick Wright
8/11/2013 12:42:38 am
Hi Tim. Love your comment: 'we respond to someone who from compassion creates a safe safe within which to interact.' That strikes me as very profound and important. With best wishes. Nick
Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:10:50 am
Hi Chris. Thanks for such stimulating and helpful comments. I think your comment about 'modality' is a very important one. I agree with you that 'diving deep' is not always what is needed and, in my experience, can sometimes prove counterproductive. I sometimes use solutions-focused coaching where the client presents a specific issue that they would like to resolve. It can be much faster and energising that more reflective approaches.
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Chris Jackson
7/11/2013 07:43:50 am
Great SF coaching article, Nick … well worth a read, everyone :)
Karel van Nimwegen
6/11/2013 06:42:06 am
Thank you Nick you challenge me,
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Nick Wright
8/11/2013 12:50:14 am
Hi Karel and thanks for the note. Your reflecitons on what us true and real reminded me of a book by Richard Bach called 'Illusions', at the end of which he concluded, 'Everything in this book could be wrong.' :) With best wishes. Nick
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Kate Taylor Hewett
7/11/2013 04:42:28 am
What an interesting discussion! And from reading all the comments, it does seem as if what is important for each of us to get closer to our 'truth' is a shift in perspective - from superficial to deep, from verbal to visual... seeing what is going on in a new way.
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Nick Wright
10/11/2013 07:06:28 am
Hi Kate and thanks for the helpful comments. I agree with you that deep diving isn't always appropriate or helpful. I've sometimes said, if someone asks me how to use the photocopier, for instance, it's unlikely they are inviting me to coach them at an existential level. Perhaps it's something about understanding the context, the contract, the client's hopes and expectations, our own beliefs about what is going on and what will be most helpful etc. With thanks again and best wishes. Nick
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Asha Singh
7/11/2013 05:37:36 am
As deep as the client is willing...and then some. As an executive and team coach with strong spiritual inspiration, I get really excited when I see groups or organisations beginning to shift like this, away from linear thinking which has produced results that many don't want and then has them squeezed to the limits to maintain them, to a creative, positive, visionary approach with some kind of meaning for all.
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Nick Wright
8/11/2013 12:59:54 am
Hi Asha and thanks for the note. I really liked your expression, 'As deep as the client is willing...and then some.' It's something about being willing to challenge (and enabling the client to challenge) perspectives, assumptions, boundaries, actions etc, albeit in an appropriately sensitive manner. I would be very interested to hear any examples from your exectutive or team coaching - what the issues were, how you approached them, what happened as a result etc. With thanks and best wishes. Nick
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Len Williamson
7/11/2013 06:37:08 am
Hi Nick....I enjoyed your piece. I am working on a piece titled 'A Reality for a Better World' in which your question 'what is real, what is true, how can we know?' is central. Here are my thoughts so far under the heading 'What is reality?'
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Nick Wright
9/11/2013 02:54:21 am
Hi Len and many thanks for sharing such deep reflections. I would be very interested to read your piece 'A Reality for a Better World' when you have completed it. Some thoughts came to mind as I was reading your comments.
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Len Williamson
11/11/2013 07:37:55 am
Thanks Nick. I like your piece on 'whose thoughts am I thinking'. Sounds like we are on parallel tracks on a fascinating enquiry in to 'being'. Consistent with your imagery is a question I reflect on which is what is the difference between the consciousness of a tree and that of a human? The tree receives stimulus from the environment and responds in predictable ways. The human receives stimulus from the environment and responds. The predictability of that response is extremely complex but as we understand it more and more it may one day be as predictable as the response of a tree. Will look at social constructionism. Have just joined RSA with an interest in the social brain project where my thoughpiece on A Reality For A Better World is a possible target. Would be interested in your comments if I can send you a copy. My email is lenandtheowl@gmail.com
Nick Wright
11/11/2013 07:40:30 am
Many thanks, Len. Your comments about the tree reminded me of another blog, based on another conversation with the same friend in Germany: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2011/10/exploring-platos-cave.html. Would be interested to hear what you think! With best wishes. Nick
Evert van der Weide
10/11/2013 06:59:03 am
Len your vision is very clear and close to the way I look to the world. We see the world by our own experiences and we can shares the different point of view to see more clear.
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Pip Bruce Ferguson
7/11/2013 12:11:28 pm
Hi all - coming to this conversation late, work is crazy at present. Yes, Nick, that sense of not being able to see one's own positioning is something I've written on - "the goldfish not seeing the water". I think we all get caught up in our own family/culture/spiritual etc. values and often tend to think these are the norm.
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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 12:31:17 pm
Hi Pip and thanks for joining the conversation. :) Love that expression: 'the goldfish not seeing the water'. I would be very interested to hear more about your writings on the subject. With best wishes. Nick
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Liz Dunphy
8/11/2013 08:14:27 am
Thanks for this thought provoking piece Nick. I'm reminded of Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth which I read a few weeks ago. He suggests that the concept of "I" or "Me" is simply a construct of the mind, and in order to defend this concept the ego has to cling on to beliefs, memories and habits which we can identify as "I". Tolle suggests that the need for truth itself is simply the ego's wish to cling on mental structures by which we can identify ourselves as "I-not-you". Tolle challenges us to have moments when we recognise that we are not our thinking, we are not our mind, that there is a truth beyond the limitations of our thinking which needs no justification, evidence or defence.
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Nick Wright
9/11/2013 03:13:35 am
Hi Liz and thanks for sharing such fascinating insights. The comments from Tolle you referred to reminded me of some insights from Vivien Burr's book, Social Constructionism, that challenge conventional psychological views of personhood and personality.
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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