 ‘Your individuality is important, but so is belonging.’ (Sol Peralta) Yesterday’s coach training participants were from and based in Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador and Honduras. It was the first time I’d worked with English-Spanish simultaneous interpretation and Ana Duarte, the translator, did a brilliant job. (I don’t think my own brain could cope with that level of intensity and complexity in real time). It felt like witnessing gift and talent and reminded me of the first time I trained deaf people with skilful support from British Sign Language interpreters. These course participants are employed in a variety of very different roles in a Christian international non-governmental organisation (INGO) and I was impressed by their high level of interest and engagement. They are keen to think through how to develop a coaching mindset and practice with individuals, and a broader coaching ethic and culture when working with diverse groups, organisations and movements – alongside, and in tangible service of, the poorest of the poor. We’ll have skills practice sessions next week then a follow-up workshop the week after. The participants are especially keen to explore trust-building in Latino cultural contexts and how to navigate a range of relational dynamics that often arise in their countries; particularly where coaching may sound or feel alien, or like something superficial imported from outside as a money-spinner. I appreciated their genuine honesty, curiosity and warmth and I'm learning from them too.
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 ‘If coaching is truly a learning partnership, nowhere is the partnership more important than when coaching across differences.’ (Karen Curnow) I’m indebted to Stephen German for a stimulating conversation about how to frame first coaching conversations when working cross-culturally. This style of contracting considers how cultures might interact and helps both parties reach clarity and agreement from the outset. As a starting point: ‘To make sure this partnership works well, I’d like to spend a few minutes talking through how we will work together. Since we come from different cultural backgrounds, I don't want to assume my usual way of coaching is the most helpful for you. Does that sound okay?’ 1. Non-directive ‘In my training, I’m taught to ask questions rather than give answers so that you can find solutions that fit your own challenges. However, in some cultures, a coach is seen more like a teacher who gives direct advice. How do you see my role? Do you want me primarily to offer you questions, or are there times you’ll expect me to share my own insights and ideas too?’ 2. Hierarchy (and ‘face’) ‘I want to create a space where you feel safe to be completely honest. If I ask a question that doesn’t land well, or if you disagree with an observation I make, how will I know? Is it easy for you to tell me directly, or should we find a specific way to check in on how the session is going?’ 3. Feedback ‘People handle feedback differently. Some prefer it very direct and to the point, while others find that rude and prefer a more gentle, indirect approach. Where do you sit on that scale? For example, if I notice an assumption or inconsistency in what you're saying, how would you like me to point it out?’ 4. Group vs individual ‘When we set goals, I usually focus on what you want. But I know that for many, the needs of their family or team are just as important. When we talk about big decisions, how far should we consider the hopes and concerns of, and impacts on, the people around you?’ 5. Time and timing 'In my own culture, starting and ending sessions exactly on time is considered very important. In some cultures, however, I'm aware that timekeeping is more flexible and fluid. How would you like us to handle starting and finishing times in a way that works best for you?' 6. Cultural learning ‘Lastly, from time to time, I may inadvertently say something that doesn't translate well or misses a cultural nuance. Would you be willing to let me know if it happens? I’d see that as a huge help in me becoming a better coach for you. Thank you.’ Do you want help with navigating cross-cultural relationships? Get in touch!  ‘A good coach can change a game. A great coach can change a life.’ (John Wooden) This week’s participants at an Advanced Coaching training programme joined from Pakistan, Rwanda and the UK. One of the areas we looked at was the relationship between personal capabilities (a person’s resources, including their abilities and potential) and contextual conversion factors (critical influences on a person’s opportunities to use and fulfil them). We sometimes see indications of the latter if a person says, e.g. ‘I’m too busy to do coaching’; ‘My line manager makes all the decisions’; ‘People are promoted according to who they know, not what they know’; ‘There are no career paths here that match my talents and career goals.’ If these constraints are real, they are likely to pose significant challenges. One participant commented that a person may face conversion-related issues in their inner landscape too (see, for instance, Timothy Gallwey’s ‘The Inner Game’). If they are anxious, stressed or exhausted, it will have an inhibiting effect on their ability to perform well or reach their potential. Learning to navigate conditions for success can make all the difference.  ‘A virtuous cycle is a self-reinforcing loop in which a series of positive actions and outcomes continually strengthen each other.’ (Marc Wilson & Donnée MacDougall) I hardly slept on Saturday night then, yesterday evening, I spent time with friends in Germany. As it got late they offered me a lift in their car back to the apartment where I’m staying and, to their surprise, I declined. ‘Why not?’ they asked. ‘You’re very tired, it’s a 30 minutes’ walk and it’s freezing cold outside.’ ‘It’s OK. I'll walk.’ ‘But why?’, they persisted. ‘Because I don’t feel like walking.’ They looked at me completely puzzled now. Had something got lost in translation? ‘The last thing I feel like doing at the moment, when I’m tired and it’s so cold, is to walk back. Therefore, I’m choosing to walk back.’ It opened a curious discussion about self-discipline as a way to strengthen character, personal agency and resilience. It’s as if each time we make such a decision and act on it, it reinforces or changes something within us. Some philosophers argue that who we are and become is a cumulative consequence of such decisions and actions. Now don’t get me wrong. Even the best principles can get a bit crazy when pushed to extremes. Yet picture this. A person is feeling lethargic, demotivated, anxious or depressed and says they don’t feel like getting up in the morning; eating or drinking healthily; going outside for exercise, fresh air and open sky; meeting up with other people; doing something (e.g. as a volunteer) that creates a sense of achievement or makes a positive difference for others – so they don’t do it. The decision and action of not doing it, because in that moment it’s the last thing they feel like doing, actually reinforces their experience of lethargy, demotivation, anxiety or depression. It’s a vicious spiral. The solution, known in psychology as a virtuous cycle, is to do the exact opposite thing – whether we feel like it or not. In the moment, it will feel counterintuitive and we may need support from others to help break an old, fixed pattern and create a sustainable new one. Do you want to re-create your future? Get in touch!  ‘Coaching should be a process of inquiry, not a series of questions.’ (Marcia Reynolds) I’m often stimulated by the great questions, insights and ideas that people bring to coaching training workshops. This week’s advanced-level participants were in Burundi, Pakistan and the UK and mostly in leadership and management roles. Some of the questions they raised were:
The first question touches on culture and boundaries since where people draw the boundaries between ‘life’ and ‘work’ may be different in different cultural contexts. Many managers are willing to explore outside-of-work issues insofar as they impact on a person or team in-work. The second question touches on perception and capability; firstly, the degree to which the way in which a person construes a situation and themself in relation to it corresponds with ‘reality’ and ‘truth’; then how far critical environmental factors are constraining or enabling their progress. The third question touches on emotional and cultural intelligence; that is, how far the manager is aware of their own emotional triggers and how far they have developed themselves to recognise and address them. It’s useful to work through these things with a trusted supervisor. The final question touches on relationships and systems; that is, how the manager positions themself in relation to others in a team, and the others in relation to each other, and how they then choose to navigate the cultural and relational boundaries that emerge between them. Do you want to develop your coaching skills as a manager? Get in touch!  ‘The map is not the territory.’ (Alfred Korzybski) Coaching is often concerned with helping a person to explore and navigate their landscape. This landscape could be, for instance, the person’s reality, situation or circumstances. A coach may ask, ‘What’s the key challenge you’re facing at work?’ then, perhaps, ‘Who could support your success or, conversely, make it harder for you to succeed?’ or ‘What resources will you need to achieve this?’ Such questions typically help a person grow in awareness of the features of their external context in order to help them take them into account, draw on them or address them. Today, I ran an advanced-level workshop for experienced coaching practitioners in Burundi, Kenya, Pakistan, Rwanda and the UK. On this occasion, we focused primarily on a person’s inner landscape, recognising that the inner landscape is often shaped or influenced by external factors too, including key relationships and culture. The inner landscape is the swirling pool of a person’s thoughts, feelings, motivations and preferences, along with subconscious influences such as introjected beliefs and values or the enduring emotional impact of past experiences. We touched on Timothy Gallwey’s core insight, expressed in the formula P=P-I, where the first P stands for Performance, the second for Potential and the I for Interference. The interference that can affect our wellbeing or achievement often arises from whatever floats to the surface in that pool; for instance untested limiting assumptions, performance anxiety or a fear of negative evaluation by others. In view of this and the essentially subjective nature of such experiences, we explored how to address such issues with a person using a phenomenological approach. In practice this could entail, for instance: Explore the person’s world as they see, experience and feel within it (e.g. ‘What’s it like for you when you’re in that situation?); Explore cultural influences on the person’s beliefs, values and behaviour (e.g. ‘What messages from your family or community influence the choices you make?); Explore the person’s individual preferences and norms (e.g. ‘How do you prefer to make decisions?’). It enables a person to map their total landscape with greater clarity, colour and texture and, from there, to find their own way forward.  ‘Conversations need to be safe, focused and purposeful.’ (Al Adamsen)
This week, I spent time leading coaching skills practice workshops for participants in Malawi, Pakistan and the UK. They were building on insights from Part 1 of a foundational training programme last week before stepping into Part 2 next week. It’s always great to see people willing to experiment, give it a try, to develop their coaching confidence and competence. One of the questions we discussed in debrief today was how to ensure that, as far as possible, coaching conversations are experienced as useful. A key way to achieve this is to focus explicitly on purpose from the outset and to review it, if needed, as the conversation progresses: ‘What are we here to do?’ or, ‘What would be a great outcome for this conversation?’ It’s very different to inviting someone to start talking about whatever challenge they are facing, and then finding ourselves lost with them as they start to unpack lots of complex dimensions to it. We can invite them first to crystalise: ‘In relation to that, which area would you like to focus on in this conversation?’ and then contract, ‘How shall we use this time to address it?’ Would you like help with creating more purposeful conversations? Get in touch!  ‘Those who make conversations impossible, make escalation inevitable.’ (Stefan Molyneux) It was a stimulating 2 days this week, co-leading a Masterclass for a diverse group of trained and experienced action learning facilitators. One of the things we looked at was Personal Trigger Maps. I find this a useful developmental tool for facilitators and participants, enabling them to identify their own emotional hot spots and prepare ways to deal with them, should they feel triggered (sometimes unexpectedly) during an encounter with an individual or group. I first became aware of this in a counselling course many years ago where I was placed, with others, in a group without explanation and without a leader to see what would emerge. I felt relaxed and happy to sit with the silence, observing rather than participating, until a man in the room put down a vulnerable-sounding woman harshly. Something triggered within me and I sprang into recue mode, taking out the surprised man forcefully. Eeek. An important lesson. The Map itself has 5 stages: 1. Trigger: the external event or situation; 2. Interpretation: the meaning I assign to it (often automatically); 3. Core sensitivity: the deeper value, fear or wound it touches; 4. Reaction: my emotional and behavioural response; 5. Regulation/choice: What helps me to response more skilfully. We can work through the 5 stages sequentially. It fosters emotional and social intelligence and can enable a shift from reactivity to responsiveness. Here’s an illustration:
Would you like help with creating your own Personal Trigger Map? Get in touch!  ‘We must appreciate the power of redescribing, the power of language to make new and different things possible.' (Kenneth Gergen) I smiled yesterday when my nephew (who’s training as a pilot) told me about some of the terms they use when something goes wrong. My favourite was runway excursion to indicate the pilot has lost control and the plane has gone veering off the runway. It reminded me of politically correct speech at the height of its popularity, with phrases such as terminate with extreme prejudice to mean assassination. It was euphemistic language gone wild. Yet the idea of changing experience and action by changing language has remained very much with us. In fact, it lays at the heart of the culture wars raging across and between various groups and societies throughout the world. Growing out of social constructionism, the idea is that we change reality by changing the language we use to describe it. According to this philosophy, reality is perception rather than something objective, neutral and fixed. In coaching, we can draw on a similar principle to help a person or group unfreeze themselves from a frozen state. We can do this by helping them notice the language, stories and metaphors they are using to portray themselves and others in relation to a stuck issue they are facing, including for the issue itself. If we invite them to change the language, the narrative or the metaphor, we can then help them explore what new possibilities emerge. Curious to discover how I can help you? Get in touch!  ‘An opportunity to receive questions.’ I like this simple definition of coaching and action learning. Although the success of both depends on more than just questions, it nevertheless highlights the truth that questions lay at the heart of both disciplines. Questions have a power and potential to unlock amazing possibilities. It also points to the opportunity that coaching and action learning can offer to those who choose to draw on their benefits. The notion of opportunity, combined with ‘to receive questions’, suggests to me a spirit of invitation, to invite and to engage with stretch and challenge, not to endure something forced upon me. After all, questions imposed without willingness or readiness to receive can feel more like an interrogation, especially if the intentions are unclear or trust in the relationship is low. (Contracting is a way to address this). Marsha Setian, an expert in Kenya, frames coaching questions as a ‘gift’. I like that too. I often think of questions offered in coaching and action learning as a bit like food and drinks laid out on a buffet table. A guest (the client) is free to choose what to take or try or not, and what to do with it or not. There is no expectation or obligation to eat or drink everything placed on the table. This respects and reinforces agency. Imagine I’m struggling with a complex issue that's real and important to me, and I can’t seem to find a way forward. The coach or action learning group is an invaluable resource for me, posing questions that enable me to reflect more deeply and broadly, think critically, and find or create innovative solutions. In my experience, the eureka moments that so often arise make the effort and investment well worthwhile. Curious to discover how I can help you? Get in touch! |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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