Maybe

11/9/2017

There’s an old Taoist story. It teaches that the answer to everything that goes apparently well or badly is maybe. ‘I got a new job. That’s great, isn’t it?’ Maybe. ‘I just crashed my car. That’s terrible, isn’t it?’ Maybe. The reason for maybe is that we don’t know the wider context or consequences of any encounter or event. We cannot predict all the ripple effects, some of which may continue down through the years or into completely different relationships or parts of the world. What we construe as a curse in the moment may turn out to be a blessing in disguise and vice versa. It’s complex.

Some of this is about framing and re-framing. We can view the same situation, the same moment, through different metaphorical lenses and see what different pictures emerge. Take, for instance, a change in any team in any organisation. The change will have pros and cons – and different pros and cons depending on which stakeholder perspective we or others view it from. It could touch on, say, wider roles, relationships and resources. Maybe depends on viewpoints and values: who is impacted and how, what it means psychologically and culturally and how it feels for them and others.

Maybe is also about time lags and time-frames. A change that creates pain now may result in positive benefits in the future or vice versa. An action we take here and now could trigger unintended consequences, a chain reaction down the line that we could never have imagined or anticipated. As such, maybe calls for openness, curiosity and humility. It calls us - and clients - to learn to approach 'knowing' and 'certainty' in tentative spirit, particularly in fluid (VUCA) environments. For me, it calls for prayer and patience too, to seek God’s insight and wisdom. What does maybe mean for you?

40 Comments

Avinash Phillips

12/9/2017 02:25:45 am

Maybe could mean ambiguity.

Nick Wright

12/9/2017 02:27:30 am

Hi Avinash. Yes, that's the 'A' in VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous).

Gabriella Kovacs ACC

12/9/2017 04:48:51 am

Maybe could be a sign that the listener would like to hear more. A great coach response to a coachee expecting a desired reaction, such as: that must have been terrible., you must have felt so happy etc. An unusually thoughtful response. Thank you, Nick.

12/9/2017 04:58:30 am

Thanks Gabriella. I think that's an interesting reflection. My sense is we would need to be sensitive in posing 'maybe' as a response in case a client hears it as doubting their integrity. I have, however, heard and used it in cognitive behavioural coaching, e.g. as a response to a client who is, say, catastrophising or predicting the future. In that context, it can prompt the client to re-examine their own beliefs and assumptions.

Katy Murray

12/9/2017 12:08:24 pm

And acknowledging that 'I don't know' is a valid and potentially expansive response.

12/9/2017 12:11:37 pm

Thanks Katy. Yes, I agree. You reminded me of D'Souza's 'Not Knowing - The Art of Turning Uncertainty into Opportunity' and Holmes' 'Nonsense - The Power of Not Knowing'.

Pauline Holland

21/9/2017 01:11:50 am

I'm reading D'Souza and Renner's book 'Not Knowing' at the moment. So much to be learned from and about the wisdom of staying with not knowing.

21/9/2017 01:13:10 am

Hi Pauline. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing

Lara Currie

12/9/2017 01:07:43 pm

What a great perspective.

12/9/2017 01:08:10 pm

Thanks Lara. Maybe. ;)

Dr Patricia Ogilvie Frederick

13/9/2017 05:19:18 am

Interesting!!!!

13/9/2017 05:19:58 am

Thanks Patricia! I'd love to hear more. What struck you as most interesting in this?

Giliane Buteau

15/9/2017 04:03:17 am

Maybe the best comprehension of coaching!

15/9/2017 04:04:00 am

Thanks Giliane. 'Maybe...' :)

Sophia V. Schweitzer

15/9/2017 04:05:04 am

Nick, this is beautiful. I love your summary: -- As such, maybe calls for openness, curiosity and humility. It calls us - and clients - to learn to approach 'knowing' and 'certainty' in tentative spirit, particularly in fluid (VUCA) environments. __ The Taoist story has long been close to my heart. About the farmer and the horses and his son, yes? Thank you.

15/9/2017 04:07:22 am

Thank you for such heart-warming feedback, Sophia. Yes - that is the same Taoist story that I had in mind. I find it insightful and inspiring.

Wendy Jenkins

21/9/2017 12:50:14 am

Interesting perspective and feel that in delivering any training or learning event having active curiosity is a must, listen and tune in to what is not being said and use your emotional intelligence to tune in to those around you.

21/9/2017 12:52:36 am

Hi Wendy. I agree - curiosity is so valuable and important. It helps us step outside of our own assumptions and preoccupations to tune into others' hopes, ideas and concerns and into wider cultural/contextual issues too.

Mark E. Taylor

21/9/2017 12:53:09 am

Maybe , baby - is one of my favourite phrases. And it applies to training too!

21/9/2017 12:54:16 am

Hi Mark. I'm intrigued. When would you use 'Maybe, baby'? Any examples you could share? :)

Dr. Edgar Mueller-Gensert

21/9/2017 12:55:08 am

So, why are we doing anything at all then? It may turn out good - it may turn out bad...maybe... to me it sounds like an excuse for failure.
Quidquid agis, prudenter agas et respice finem" - Whatever you do, do it thoughtfully and consider the end. With "maybe" we can do whatever we want... the outcome is not ours' and we are out of the mess.
"You may do what you want, if you know, what you do." (Feldenkrais) Do we know, what we do? Should we think about that before we do it?

I do not subscribe to the "maybe" idea. Sorry

21/9/2017 01:04:10 am

Hi Edgar. That's a fair challenge. It sounds like you disagree with or disapprove of failure to take responsibility or to act. I agree with you - if that is what you mean - that in the face of uncertainty, we still need to take a stance. This is a dilemma at the heart of living and working in VUCA environments. We cannot possibly know all the consequences of our actions, no matter how thoughtful we are, and yet we still need to make choices, decisions etc. In some senses, it resonates with Sartre's comment that we are 'condemned to be free'. It's one reason why reflexivity and action research have become so important against the backdrop of globalisation etc.

Shirley Gwen Moss

21/9/2017 01:06:03 am

Dr. Dr. Edgar Mueller-Gensert I think the maybe referred to is the chosen outcome. My understanding is this: I have a minor car crash! OH no that is really bad! Well if I apply the maybe concept I can say: Maybe this has been a wake up call that I am not concentrating and next time could be much worse . Use this as lesson for future. Or another example can be: Oh no, no-one responded to my workshop invite...Is that really so bad? MAYBE or maybe not..Maybe I can sharpen my marketing strategies next time... This the way i feel it is intended. just my thoughts.

Just to add...I have heard stories where people have missed a flight! Oh no! But maybe it was a good thing because the flight may have been delayed or diverted and more dire consequences may have resulted for you. Maybe...

21/9/2017 01:10:08 am

Hi Shirley. I think those are great example of applying a 'maybe' principle positively. It's something about being open to new framings, new possibilities, that can profoundly shift our perspective, experience, stance, decisions, actions etc. Some people call it cognitive behavioural shift or mindful responsiveness.

21/9/2017 03:30:34 am

We all know - hopefully -, that whatever action we take, it may lead to uncertain outcomes. If, however, we start with that mind set, we may take whatever erratic decision and later find some excuse. I think, this discussion is about having taken the wrong decision or having encountered something bad, and still it leads to something good.
That is pure coincidence. It is a later excuse for the wrong decision.
However, we never know, if we took the right decision until it proves right or wrong. Still, we need to think, research, think again and take the right decision as we percieve it. It is the "think" process, which makes decisions acceptable or not. Know what you do - if you have any influence on it.

21/9/2017 03:37:29 am

Hi Edgar. You appear to be implying value judgements (e.g. 'excuse'; 'coincidence') about how different people may make sense of their experiences and the consequences of their decisions and actions. I'm curious: what are you basing your value judgements on?

Twanette Fourie

21/9/2017 08:05:01 am

Edgar you had me at "know what you do". If you want to impact and influence in a mindful way, take decisive action. My brain does not process "ifs buts and maybes".

21/9/2017 08:09:09 am

Hi Twanette. Interesting comments - thank you. Decisive action can certainly result in influence and impact. The wider question is the implications of the action that may lay hidden from view. Examples in the INGO sector I work in can include inadvertently creating perverse incentives and unintended consequences. Influence and impact - yes. Overall positive improvement - maybe. I would love to hear more about, 'My brain does not process ifs, buts and maybes'! Can you say more?

22/9/2017 03:38:49 am

I fully appreciate unintended consequences Nick. To mitigate this possibility and explore probability typical questions I pose to myself and clients are “How can scenario a, b or c serve me? Alternatively, how can I decide to be a value add in scenario a, b or c? What type of response will result from actions a, b or c? What typical result do I expect when I decide to act or not to act? The operative words “serve” and “decide” imply personal ownership of the outcome through decisive action. In my thought life (my brain), my consequences are not by-products of “ifs, buts and maybes”, same as my decision making platform from which a new cycle of thought and decision is launched. Even unintended and unexpected outcomes lie within my domain of decision making. By default my thought life rejects the connotative meaning of the words “if, but and maybe”.

22/9/2017 03:39:24 am

Hi Twanette. Unless I am not understanding you well - in which case please challenge me back - it sounds like you are talking about taking decisive action in situations where consequences can be known or reasonably predicted? That is quite different to VUCA environments.

Interestingly, in the Taoist story I referred to, the things that happen are less a direct consequence of decisions that the actors in the story take and more about the circumstances in which they find themselves.

I don't see any contradiction between 'maybe' (as in, we don't know the full consequences of any decision) and decisiveness. We constantly make choices, even if by default, and it seems to be it's better to decide with awareness than without - even it that awareness is necessarily limited. Would you agree?

7/10/2017 06:56:19 am

Hallo Nick...maybe ;) Thank you all for a great conversation. Loved it...and that is no if, but or maybe:)

7/10/2017 06:56:49 am

Anu Sukhija

24/9/2017 04:39:26 am

Have been reading diverse comments with great interest...In my opinion, there may not be a problem with having a 'may be' attached to the unforeseen ripple effects except the risk of diminishing the excitement and certainty during the decision making stage! Reminds me of a recent study made by Cognitive pychologists on the demerit of Plan- B - it may water down your motivation! I think a 'may be' is more valuable at an acceptance stage where despite being mindful and well researched, your decision may go kaput or do not bear you desired fruits. In eastern philosphy you say " Mann ka ho toh achha, na ho toh aur bhi achha!" ( Good if things go as planned, even better if they don't!)

24/9/2017 04:46:46 am

Thank you, Ana. Well said! I do think that a desire for decisiveness (or not) is a psychological and, at times, cultural phenomenon. As a huge generalisation, I've noticed a far greater degree of desire for 'act in order to change' in Western cultures (including in myself!) and 'accept in order to become' in Eastern cultures. I've also noticed similar phenomena to that which you describe vis a vis excitement and motivation when working with organisations on 'learning'. Some people and cultures are motivated by taking the initiative, inventing the proverbial wheel, experimentation etc. This makes the idea of learning from others/from the past before acting demotivating as it, for those people and cultures, takes some of the fun out of it!

26/9/2017 12:41:43 am

Thanks for adding another piece of observation and i agree with you on the cultural phenomenon bit. However I think we are talking about the same thing ; perhaps in different time frame! I guess the difference in having a may- be mindfulness right from the beginning to accepting things the way they shaped out in the end without remorse. There are two challenges that I foresee with the former- one as mentioned already- taking the wind out of your sails( psychological yet vital) , secondly, course correction when you see things failing or trying to put them back on track. This takes you back to desired outcome for motivation and sustained efforts!

26/9/2017 12:42:30 am

Hi Anu. Yes - I think we are in ferocious agreement! :)

2/10/2017 03:34:20 am

You both are in ferocious agreement. Maybe.
Twanette, maybe, has a different sort of brain. All black and white. No grays. Mine is mostly gray, some b&w.
Is this discussion about taking the wrong decision? Maybe.
Great post. Perhaps.

2/10/2017 03:34:54 am

Hi Avinash. You sound unsure..? ;)

Martin Hipwell

2/10/2017 03:35:29 am

I feel mine does when people return to see me and they have used the skills to save life.

2/10/2017 03:36:22 am

Intriguing, Martin. Say more..?

Maybe

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