Nick Wright
  • Home
  • About
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
    • Other related topics
  • Interviews
    • How did I get here
  • Blog
  • Audio
  • News
  • Resources
  • Testimonies
  • Contact

Maybe

11/9/2017

40 Comments

 
Picture

​There’s an old Taoist story. It teaches that the answer to everything that goes apparently well or badly is maybe. ‘I got a new job. That’s great, isn’t it?’ Maybe. ‘I just crashed my car. That’s terrible, isn’t it?’ Maybe. The reason for maybe is that we don’t know the wider context or consequences of any encounter or event. We cannot predict all the ripple effects, some of which may continue down through the years or into completely different relationships or parts of the world. What we construe as a curse in the moment may turn out to be a blessing in disguise and vice versa. It’s complex.

Some of this is about framing and re-framing. We can view the same situation, the same moment, through different metaphorical lenses and see what different pictures emerge. Take, for instance, a change in any team in any organisation. The change will have pros and cons – and different pros and cons depending on which stakeholder perspective we or others view it from. It could touch on, say, wider roles, relationships and resources. Maybe depends on viewpoints and values: who is impacted and how, what it means psychologically and culturally and how it feels for them and others.

Maybe is also about time lags and time-frames. A change that creates pain now may result in positive benefits in the future or vice versa. An action we take here and now could trigger unintended consequences, a chain reaction down the line that we could never have imagined or anticipated. As such, maybe calls for openness, curiosity and humility. It calls us - and clients - to learn to approach 'knowing' and 'certainty' in tentative spirit, particularly in fluid (VUCA) environments. For me, it calls for prayer and patience too, to seek God’s insight and wisdom. What does maybe mean for you?
40 Comments
Avinash Phillips
12/9/2017 02:25:45 am

Maybe could mean ambiguity.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/9/2017 02:27:30 am

Hi Avinash. Yes, that's the 'A' in VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous).

Reply
Gabriella Kovacs ACC
12/9/2017 04:48:51 am

Maybe could be a sign that the listener would like to hear more. A great coach response to a coachee expecting a desired reaction, such as: that must have been terrible., you must have felt so happy etc. An unusually thoughtful response. Thank you, Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/9/2017 04:58:30 am

Thanks Gabriella. I think that's an interesting reflection. My sense is we would need to be sensitive in posing 'maybe' as a response in case a client hears it as doubting their integrity. I have, however, heard and used it in cognitive behavioural coaching, e.g. as a response to a client who is, say, catastrophising or predicting the future. In that context, it can prompt the client to re-examine their own beliefs and assumptions.

Reply
Katy Murray
12/9/2017 12:08:24 pm

And acknowledging that 'I don't know' is a valid and potentially expansive response.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/9/2017 12:11:37 pm

Thanks Katy. Yes, I agree. You reminded me of D'Souza's 'Not Knowing - The Art of Turning Uncertainty into Opportunity' and Holmes' 'Nonsense - The Power of Not Knowing'.

Reply
Pauline Holland
21/9/2017 01:11:50 am

I'm reading D'Souza and Renner's book 'Not Knowing' at the moment. So much to be learned from and about the wisdom of staying with not knowing.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 01:13:10 am

Hi Pauline. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing

Lara Currie
12/9/2017 01:07:43 pm

What a great perspective.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/9/2017 01:08:10 pm

Thanks Lara. Maybe. ;)

Reply
Dr Patricia Ogilvie Frederick
13/9/2017 05:19:18 am

Interesting!!!!

Reply
Nick Wright
13/9/2017 05:19:58 am

Thanks Patricia! I'd love to hear more. What struck you as most interesting in this?

Reply
Giliane Buteau
15/9/2017 04:03:17 am

Maybe the best comprehension of coaching!

Reply
Nick Wright
15/9/2017 04:04:00 am

Thanks Giliane. 'Maybe...' :)

Reply
Sophia V. Schweitzer
15/9/2017 04:05:04 am

Nick, this is beautiful. I love your summary: -- As such, maybe calls for openness, curiosity and humility. It calls us - and clients - to learn to approach 'knowing' and 'certainty' in tentative spirit, particularly in fluid (VUCA) environments. __ The Taoist story has long been close to my heart. About the farmer and the horses and his son, yes? Thank you.

Reply
Nick Wright
15/9/2017 04:07:22 am

Thank you for such heart-warming feedback, Sophia. Yes - that is the same Taoist story that I had in mind. I find it insightful and inspiring.

Reply
Wendy Jenkins
21/9/2017 12:50:14 am

Interesting perspective and feel that in delivering any training or learning event having active curiosity is a must, listen and tune in to what is not being said and use your emotional intelligence to tune in to those around you.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 12:52:36 am

Hi Wendy. I agree - curiosity is so valuable and important. It helps us step outside of our own assumptions and preoccupations to tune into others' hopes, ideas and concerns and into wider cultural/contextual issues too.

Reply
Mark E. Taylor
21/9/2017 12:53:09 am

Maybe , baby - is one of my favourite phrases. And it applies to training too!

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 12:54:16 am

Hi Mark. I'm intrigued. When would you use 'Maybe, baby'? Any examples you could share? :)

Reply
Dr. Edgar Mueller-Gensert
21/9/2017 12:55:08 am

So, why are we doing anything at all then? It may turn out good - it may turn out bad...maybe... to me it sounds like an excuse for failure.
Quidquid agis, prudenter agas et respice finem" - Whatever you do, do it thoughtfully and consider the end. With "maybe" we can do whatever we want... the outcome is not ours' and we are out of the mess.
"You may do what you want, if you know, what you do." (Feldenkrais) Do we know, what we do? Should we think about that before we do it?

I do not subscribe to the "maybe" idea. Sorry

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 01:04:10 am

Hi Edgar. That's a fair challenge. It sounds like you disagree with or disapprove of failure to take responsibility or to act. I agree with you - if that is what you mean - that in the face of uncertainty, we still need to take a stance. This is a dilemma at the heart of living and working in VUCA environments. We cannot possibly know all the consequences of our actions, no matter how thoughtful we are, and yet we still need to make choices, decisions etc. In some senses, it resonates with Sartre's comment that we are 'condemned to be free'. It's one reason why reflexivity and action research have become so important against the backdrop of globalisation etc.

Reply
Shirley Gwen Moss
21/9/2017 01:06:03 am

Dr. Dr. Edgar Mueller-Gensert I think the maybe referred to is the chosen outcome. My understanding is this: I have a minor car crash! OH no that is really bad! Well if I apply the maybe concept I can say: Maybe this has been a wake up call that I am not concentrating and next time could be much worse . Use this as lesson for future. Or another example can be: Oh no, no-one responded to my workshop invite...Is that really so bad? MAYBE or maybe not..Maybe I can sharpen my marketing strategies next time... This the way i feel it is intended. just my thoughts.

Just to add...I have heard stories where people have missed a flight! Oh no! But maybe it was a good thing because the flight may have been delayed or diverted and more dire consequences may have resulted for you. Maybe...

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 01:10:08 am

Hi Shirley. I think those are great example of applying a 'maybe' principle positively. It's something about being open to new framings, new possibilities, that can profoundly shift our perspective, experience, stance, decisions, actions etc. Some people call it cognitive behavioural shift or mindful responsiveness.

Dr. Edgar Mueller-Gensert
21/9/2017 03:30:34 am

We all know - hopefully -, that whatever action we take, it may lead to uncertain outcomes. If, however, we start with that mind set, we may take whatever erratic decision and later find some excuse. I think, this discussion is about having taken the wrong decision or having encountered something bad, and still it leads to something good.
That is pure coincidence. It is a later excuse for the wrong decision.
However, we never know, if we took the right decision until it proves right or wrong. Still, we need to think, research, think again and take the right decision as we percieve it. It is the "think" process, which makes decisions acceptable or not. Know what you do - if you have any influence on it.

Nick Wright
21/9/2017 03:37:29 am

Hi Edgar. You appear to be implying value judgements (e.g. 'excuse'; 'coincidence') about how different people may make sense of their experiences and the consequences of their decisions and actions. I'm curious: what are you basing your value judgements on?

Twanette Fourie
21/9/2017 08:05:01 am

Edgar you had me at "know what you do". If you want to impact and influence in a mindful way, take decisive action. My brain does not process "ifs buts and maybes".

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 08:09:09 am

Hi Twanette. Interesting comments - thank you. Decisive action can certainly result in influence and impact. The wider question is the implications of the action that may lay hidden from view. Examples in the INGO sector I work in can include inadvertently creating perverse incentives and unintended consequences. Influence and impact - yes. Overall positive improvement - maybe. I would love to hear more about, 'My brain does not process ifs, buts and maybes'! Can you say more?

Reply
Twanette Fourie
22/9/2017 03:38:49 am

I fully appreciate unintended consequences Nick. To mitigate this possibility and explore probability typical questions I pose to myself and clients are “How can scenario a, b or c serve me? Alternatively, how can I decide to be a value add in scenario a, b or c? What type of response will result from actions a, b or c? What typical result do I expect when I decide to act or not to act? The operative words “serve” and “decide” imply personal ownership of the outcome through decisive action. In my thought life (my brain), my consequences are not by-products of “ifs, buts and maybes”, same as my decision making platform from which a new cycle of thought and decision is launched. Even unintended and unexpected outcomes lie within my domain of decision making. By default my thought life rejects the connotative meaning of the words “if, but and maybe”.

Nick Wright
22/9/2017 03:39:24 am

Hi Twanette. Unless I am not understanding you well - in which case please challenge me back - it sounds like you are talking about taking decisive action in situations where consequences can be known or reasonably predicted? That is quite different to VUCA environments.

Interestingly, in the Taoist story I referred to, the things that happen are less a direct consequence of decisions that the actors in the story take and more about the circumstances in which they find themselves.

I don't see any contradiction between 'maybe' (as in, we don't know the full consequences of any decision) and decisiveness. We constantly make choices, even if by default, and it seems to be it's better to decide with awareness than without - even it that awareness is necessarily limited. Would you agree?

Twanette Fourie
7/10/2017 06:56:19 am

Hallo Nick...maybe ;) Thank you all for a great conversation. Loved it...and that is no if, but or maybe:)

Nick Wright
7/10/2017 06:56:49 am

:)

Anu Sukhija
24/9/2017 04:39:26 am

Have been reading diverse comments with great interest...In my opinion, there may not be a problem with having a 'may be' attached to the unforeseen ripple effects except the risk of diminishing the excitement and certainty during the decision making stage! Reminds me of a recent study made by Cognitive pychologists on the demerit of Plan- B - it may water down your motivation! I think a 'may be' is more valuable at an acceptance stage where despite being mindful and well researched, your decision may go kaput or do not bear you desired fruits. In eastern philosphy you say " Mann ka ho toh achha, na ho toh aur bhi achha!" ( Good if things go as planned, even better if they don't!)

Reply
Nick Wright
24/9/2017 04:46:46 am

Thank you, Ana. Well said! I do think that a desire for decisiveness (or not) is a psychological and, at times, cultural phenomenon. As a huge generalisation, I've noticed a far greater degree of desire for 'act in order to change' in Western cultures (including in myself!) and 'accept in order to become' in Eastern cultures. I've also noticed similar phenomena to that which you describe vis a vis excitement and motivation when working with organisations on 'learning'. Some people and cultures are motivated by taking the initiative, inventing the proverbial wheel, experimentation etc. This makes the idea of learning from others/from the past before acting demotivating as it, for those people and cultures, takes some of the fun out of it!

Reply
Anu Sukhija
26/9/2017 12:41:43 am

Thanks for adding another piece of observation and i agree with you on the cultural phenomenon bit. However I think we are talking about the same thing ; perhaps in different time frame! I guess the difference in having a may- be mindfulness right from the beginning to accepting things the way they shaped out in the end without remorse. There are two challenges that I foresee with the former- one as mentioned already- taking the wind out of your sails( psychological yet vital) , secondly, course correction when you see things failing or trying to put them back on track. This takes you back to desired outcome for motivation and sustained efforts!

Nick Wright
26/9/2017 12:42:30 am

Hi Anu. Yes - I think we are in ferocious agreement! :)

Avinash Phillips
2/10/2017 03:34:20 am

You both are in ferocious agreement. Maybe.
Twanette, maybe, has a different sort of brain. All black and white. No grays. Mine is mostly gray, some b&w.
Is this discussion about taking the wrong decision? Maybe.
Great post. Perhaps.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/10/2017 03:34:54 am

Hi Avinash. You sound unsure..? ;)

Reply
Martin Hipwell
2/10/2017 03:35:29 am

I feel mine does when people return to see me and they have used the skills to save life.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/10/2017 03:36:22 am

Intriguing, Martin. Say more..?

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    ​Author

    ​Nick is a psychological coach, OD consultant and trainer, specialising in developing critical reflective practice.​

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner


    ​Archives

    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Accountability
    Act
    Action Learning
    Advent
    Adventure
    Ambiguity
    Angle
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Asia
    Assumptions
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Bible
    Body Language
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Calling
    Care
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Change
    Charity
    Child
    Choice
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Commitment
    Communication
    Compassion
    Competence
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Conflict
    Congruence
    Consciousness
    Construct
    Constructs
    Consultancy
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Control
    Conversation
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Customers
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Definition
    Delusion
    Democracy
    Depression
    Discernment
    Discovery
    Disruptive
    Dissent
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Diversity
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamics
    Easter
    Ecology
    Edge
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Environment
    Eternity
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Facilitation
    Faith
    Fear
    Feedback
    Feeling
    Figure
    Filter
    Focus
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freud
    Fun
    Gestalt
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Ground
    Group
    Guidance
    Healing
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hero
    Hope
    Human Givens
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Humility
    Ideation
    Identity
    Image
    Imagination
    Impact
    Impostor
    Influence
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Integrity
    Intention
    Interdependence
    Interference
    Interpretation
    Intimacy
    Intuition
    Jesus
    Journey
    Justice
    Knowing
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Learning
    Lesson
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Marathon
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Mindfulness
    Mirroring
    Mission
    Mode
    Motivation
    Narrative
    Need
    Negotiation
    Networking
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Organisation
    Organisation Develoment
    Organisation Development
    Origin
    Pace
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Partnership
    Pastoral
    Pattern Matching
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Personal Constructs
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physicality
    Plan
    Plans
    Plato
    Play
    Polarity
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Practice
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Prepare
    Presence
    Priorities
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Process
    Professional
    Projection
    Prompt
    Providence
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Quality
    Questions
    Rational
    Rationalisation
    Rationality
    Reality
    Reasoning
    Reconciliation
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reflexivity
    Reframing
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resourcefulness
    Responsibility
    Revelation
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Sabbath
    Satnav
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Security
    Self
    Sense Making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Servant
    Shadow
    Significance
    Silence
    Sin
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Space
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Stereotypes
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Stuck
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Supervision
    Support
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teaching
    Team
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trust
    Truth
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    Value
    Values
    Violence
    Vision
    Voice
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Weird
    Will
    Window
    Wisdom
    Wonder

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
    • Other related topics
  • Interviews
    • How did I get here
  • Blog
  • Audio
  • News
  • Resources
  • Testimonies
  • Contact