Behind the question

19/4/2017

We ask questions for all kinds of reasons. For example: sometimes it’s for information, e.g. ‘Which button do I push to turn on the photocopier?’ Sometimes it’s to think out loud, e.g. ‘Hmmm…how will I get home now the train has been cancelled?’ At times it can be to look clever or put someone else on the spot, e.g. ‘How about we compare my grades to yours?’ At other times it’s to stimulate reflection and learning in people or groups, e.g. ‘What do you think is really going on here?’

Influential teachers such as Jesus and Socrates excelled in the latter, posing questions to stimulate awareness and insight. Conrad Gempf wrote a whole book on Jesus’ approach called, Jesus Asked (2003), drawing attention to how often Jesus posed questions – including in response to other people’s questions. There’s something about great questions that can strike deep into our soul, our psyche, our assumptions and beliefs. They can detonate, evoke, provoke, create movement, shift.

A question I may pose is, ‘What’s the question behind the question?’ I may use it in leadership, coaching, training and facilitation if I sense there is something deeper, unspoken, hiding or struggling to surface. Sometimes it moves the focus from an issue to a person, making it person-al in the best possible sense. For example: ‘How can we improve people’s performance?’ could be reframed as, ‘How can I know that what we’re doing is making a difference to what’s important here?’

Another question I may pose is, ‘What do you need?’ In many cultures, we are conditioned to be and to appear confident, capable and self-sufficient. To admit to needing someone or something can feel like a confession of guilt, weakness or failure. In this context, addressing the need that lays behind a question can be transformational. For example: ‘How can we improve people’s performance?’ could be reframed as, ‘How can I meet my need to feel wanted, needed and successful here?’

60 Comments

Cath Norris

19/4/2017 12:18:40 pm

Love your framing here Nick, I might have shared this with you before, but just in case:
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/shapeshiftstrategies.com/2011/11/15/shaping-powerful-questions/amp/

Nick Wright

19/4/2017 12:21:22 pm

Thanks Cath - and for the article link. Much appreciated. I particularly like the comment in it: 'We know they are powerful because we feel them.'

19/4/2017 09:02:47 pm

Great, yes, maybe that points to a more embodied approach around 'noticing' questions which want and need to be asked? I also liked the focus on scope, bringing our focus to inner reflective implications around a big question :)

19/4/2017 09:06:31 pm

Hi Cath. The notion of 'questions which want and need to be asked' is intriguing! I think something that was missing in the article for me is the influence and impact of the nature and quality of relationship, including how it is experienced personally and culturally by the people involved?

20/4/2017 08:56:35 pm

You've got me questioning my approach to questioning Nick :)

What's coming up for me is that it's deeply contextual and relational, it's about noticing the questions which are coming up for me when I'm with my clients. Some are pretty simple and relate to being unclear about what's being communicated. However, I was taught to tread carefully, to communicate my confusion without implying that I necessarily expect a clarification. I like that way of responding, it's congruent while respecting that if I'm confused my client might also be confused too. It respects that it's their process that we're focusing on and their choice to seek clarity or not. We really can't know what is behind the veil of confusion or why it exists. Having worked with a lot of trauma I find it wise to ensure that the choice and the pace of if when to seek clarity, rests with my clients.

20/4/2017 09:02:59 pm

Hi Cath. More profound reflections. I would love to ask, 'What is the question that lays behind your question about your approach to questioning...?'...but I think it might melt my brain! :) I like your emphasis on openness, congruence and respect.

21/4/2017 09:56:09 am

😂😂😂 it's melted mine! My question behind my questioning of why and how I question is 'why do we question? What is the purpose and how does that purpose align with our core values and aims?'

21/4/2017 09:56:39 am

Deep..! :)

Tim Brownson

19/4/2017 02:10:24 pm

Have you read the book, 'The Question Behind The Question' By John G. Miller? Really good book and a quick read too.

19/4/2017 02:10:47 pm

Thanks Tim. I have seen it but I haven't read it. I'm interested: what did you find most 'good' about it?

19/4/2017 03:53:18 pm

I really can't remember mate. I know I bought it as I was about to hop on a plane over a decade ago. I just tend to remember if I liked a book or didn't. Not much help, sorry!

19/4/2017 03:55:35 pm

No problem Tim. I can relate to that! You've prompted me to buy and read a copy anyway. :)

E.G.Sebastian - CPC, CSL

19/4/2017 03:56:14 pm

One of the concepts that transformed the way I ask questions, is the concept of the "4 Why's". It doesn't have to be 4 - in fact, usually is more.

"How can you improve your productivity?"

I could use an online scheduler with a reminder... sync it with my phone, that way the reminders will beep...

["Good Coach: 'Great - when will you implement this...?]

[Great Coach:] "WHY do you think this will make a difference?"

Well... I have so many tasks that - yes, I do put them in my (paper) planner, but I get sucked into some of the activities and forget about the others...

"WHY do you have so many activities?

Well... I guess, yes, I could delegate some of them, but usually people screw up...

WHY...?
...
You see where this goes. But this is how we get to the bottom of the real problem. Most coaches (and managers, etc.) run with the first answer (or the 2nd), but usually those are far from the best solutions...

19/4/2017 04:01:34 pm

Thanks for providing a great example of digging deeper, E.G. I've sometimes heard it described as the '7 Whys' approach or 'laddering technique'.

In my experience, the 7th-ish layer (if we can think of it as a layer) often touches on deep personal/cultural beliefs and values.

I once wrote an article that touched on this: http://www.nick-wright.com/spirituality-in-coaching.html Let me know if it resonates with your experience too?

20/4/2017 10:55:59 am

Nick, I heard it fro Rich Scheffren (I believe) something similar. He was saying that the 7th "Why" will without a fail EACH TIME give the right "reason/answer/etc." -- I won't say it's impossible, but I'd be really shocked if that was true. I think at times 3 "why's" will get to the bottom of it (Why did you still the cookie? -- maybe doesn't need 7 "why's") - and I think that some might need 13 or 21 whys. I use it in my coaching, and why I never counted them, I don't think that 7 was the magic number. It wouldn't make sense - that'd mean that this is a magical process that works each time at 7... very unlikely, in my view.

20/4/2017 10:57:53 am

Hi E.G. I agree. If it was that simple, we could dispense with coaching altogether and simply create an app that asks 'Why?' 7 times. Sorted! ;)

Arthur Battram

20/4/2017 11:00:13 am

If a coach persisted in trying to get to the 7th why, and their clients had poor impulse control, they would be likely to get a punch in the face. I use the 5 whys. usually I back off at number 4. After a few...of these 4ers, my clients, managers, their pennies drop. Our clients don't need to be bullied or spoon fed, except in extreme contexts, life, say, DV.

20/4/2017 11:01:29 am

Hi Arthur. Yes, it could start to feel like an interrogation. Perhaps a more important question is what question the client would find most useful to enable them to work through what they would like/need to work through.

20/4/2017 02:13:08 pm

Yes, this is just one of the many tools we use. And, yes, this is part of "Critical Thinking" process and use it only when appropriate. I think that's another reason coaching training is crucial. Before my training I only Motivated, Encouraged, Pushed, and Mentored. Now I have dozens of amazing tools and processes that I can use to help my clients...

20/4/2017 02:14:15 pm

Well said, E.G. And I would add that critical thinking is only one possible dimension of coaching.

Sarah Clark

19/4/2017 08:58:20 pm

Hi great article! I use critical dialogue working with my men who are moving away from domestic violence/abuse and it's all about the questioning style.

19/4/2017 08:59:27 pm

Thanks Sarah! Do you have an (anonymised) example from experience of using critical dialogue that you could share to show what it looks like in practice?

Ron Bayless

19/4/2017 09:00:22 pm

Reflecting on "For the sake of what" helps clarify the question behind the question.

19/4/2017 09:01:30 pm

Hi Ron. I know a coach who uses a similar question: 'In service of..?'

Avinash Phillips

19/4/2017 09:07:51 pm

Asking the right questions is half the problem sol

19/4/2017 09:08:57 pm

Hi Avinash. Was your use of half the word 'sol-ved' deliberate? :)

Barry Jackson

20/4/2017 10:34:29 am

Recognising the question behind the question. Recognising that there IS a question behind what's being asked is a tremendous skill. Do you have any tips on how to develop this skill, Nick?

20/4/2017 10:49:02 am

That's a good question, Barry. I am tempted to ask, 'What is the question behind your question?'...but I'll resist! :) Here are some of the things I try to pay attention to and do:

1. I pray first for awareness, insight and intuition. This is a fundamental aspect of my practice...seeking, for instance, to discern through God's eyes rather than just my own.

2. I try to notice what I am feeling during the conversation, in the here-and-now moment. This may be, for instance, an emotion or physical sensation (e.g. a tightness in my stomach).

3. If I feel an unexpected or unexplained sensation, or if the person uses loaded language, or if their physical expression seems to contradict what they are saying, I try to notice it.

4. If any of these things arise I may ask, for instance, 'What's the question behind your question?', 'What's really important to you in this?', 'What's going on for you - here and now?'

If we have established a good level of trust I may ask, for instance, 'What's the conversation we're not having?' or 'What do we need to talk about that we're not talking about?'

Does that help?

Gwen Griffith

20/4/2017 11:33:21 am

Hey Nick-

Yes to questions!! And like you've stated the how and what get focus on action. Sometimes I ask the why behind the what to help draw purpose back into the action.

20/4/2017 11:35:28 am

Hi Gwen! Yes, people can get preoccupied with the 'what' and lose sense of the 'why'.

Yolanda Gray

20/4/2017 02:52:24 pm

Great piece, as always. I am learning to reframe when working (or even connecting) with the women I talk with. There is always another, deeper question under the first question and learning to help them go deeper by asking really helps perspective of the situation and their role in it. It used to annoy me that Jesus would always ask a question when He was asked a question, haha. Now, I get it.

20/4/2017 02:56:58 pm

Thanks for your encouragement, Yolanda. Pleased to offer some insight into Jesus' possible intentions...although I wouldn't want to presume in that respect..!

Ian Henderson

20/4/2017 04:57:36 pm

Great and helpful as ever Nick - thank you!

20/4/2017 04:58:14 pm

Thanks Ian...and for all your encouragement - as ever!

Marianne Hertnagel

21/4/2017 10:31:56 pm

This article is great, and it may invite both the coachee, and the coach to come and be-come more clear right away, clearing some things. And no, it is psychogical, it can and in general is, an honest approach, when done with integrity from all.

21/4/2017 10:34:02 pm

Thanks Marianne. Yes, it can enable the coachee and coach to cut through to core issues for the coachee...if there is sufficient trust in the relationship and the coachee is willing to go there.

Panchanadhan Rajagopalan

24/4/2017 09:01:27 am

There are two things that we bear in mind while asking any question - 1. [For Trainer] Have the End In Mind 2. [For the trainee] help him answer WIIFM?

24/4/2017 09:02:19 am

Hi Panchanadhan. What is WIIFM?

Jackie Handy FIRP

24/4/2017 09:48:17 am

Nick it's Whats In It For Me (WIIFM)

24/4/2017 09:48:52 am

Aaah...thanks Jackie!

Tricia Clewett

24/4/2017 08:39:50 pm

Can I just say - look at the TAP methodology. Based on Socratic method it introduces many and varied questioning techniques and how best to use them in delivering an effective training session. Invaluable.

24/4/2017 08:41:02 pm

Thanks Tricia. Sounds interesting! Do you have any examples you could share with us?

Jeremy Stunt

25/4/2017 09:45:52 am

My 2 cents: it's almost always about the question behind the question because ultimately everything that anyone does is about taking care of some core concern. Core concerns may be obvious or they may be hidden. And I very rarely use the word Why as it can be interpreted in ways that can put people on the defensive thereby leading to a less open conversation. There are many different ways to probe deeply without using Why: "tell me more about that", "what do you think is the reason for that", "I'm curious to understand more about that", etc

25/4/2017 09:55:07 am

Hi Jeremy. I think that's an interesting point about what lays behind behaviour - a 'core concern'. In my experience, people are often motivated towards something (e.g. to fulfil a hope, an aspiration) or away from something (e.g. to avoid anxiety or frustration)...although not always aware of it in the moment. Yes, using 'why' is a controversial technique because, as you say, it can evoke defensiveness. I sometimes - although not often - use 'why?' and notice that the response tends to depend as much on trust in the relationship, the tone in which it is asked etc. as on the word itself.

Ryan Barretto

25/4/2017 05:50:32 pm

Interestingly, there's actually a book with this title by John G. Miller called "The question behind the question". It's on my buying & reading list.

Yes it causes reflection to help us understand how we can be accountable and take responsibility to change things in our situation.

I would also add that (since I'm currently reading a book on it) if you apply systems thinking to the problem, you may be able to understand the reinforcing loops and balancing loops of feedback which are contributing to the situation, inclusive of your own actions - thus tying in with QBQ.

Hope this helps.

25/4/2017 05:53:04 pm

Thanks Ryan. I've actually ordered a copy of that book and am waiting for it to arrive. :) Yes - systems thinking can be useful in these situations, especially when things get stuck and it could be about more than simply the individuals involved.

Angela Dunbar

26/4/2017 03:27:09 pm

I love this question! Thank you Nick. For me its a useful one for coaching supervision. When a coach chooses a particular question for the coachee, what's underneath that? What is their intention? And where are they aiming to direct their coachee's intention? For me, your question could help highlight any unconscious bias that might be influencing the coach's questioning strategy.

26/4/2017 03:34:55 pm

Thanks Angela! I think that's a great illustration of where 'the question behind the question' can be so useful to explore.

The same parallel process can emerge in supervision too - e.g. how could what is happening between supervisor and coach shed light on what is happening between coach and coachee? Conversely, are we seeing patterns we are noticing in the coach-coachee relationship being played out in the supervisor-coach relationship too?

I remember once being asked by a coachee if I would help him develop a strategy for his work. It was tempting to say, 'yes'. However, when I asked out of curiosity why he was bringing it to me and what question (or issue) lay behind it that we weren't talking about, he opened up that he was in conflict with his line-manager and feeling unsupported. I asked if he would like to discuss the strategy or the relationship with his line-manager -
and he chose the latter...

Heather Day

27/4/2017 04:12:22 pm

I really like this Nick. I think there is often a lot that is "unspoken" in a coaching conversation. I like Nancy Kline's approach which is to simply say "and" or "is there more" and wait for the client to go deeper.

27/4/2017 04:13:25 pm

Thanks Heather. Yes, minimal prompts are sometime sufficient to surface underlying issues. I may also ask, 'What is the conversation we aren't having?' or 'What are we not talking about?'

Wade Butterfield

30/4/2017 12:30:14 pm

Just an FYI you may need to be careful how you use the expression 'the question behind the question' there is a a book entitled this and an entire training program in personal accountability about asking yourself the right question to be more accountable for ones actions. The "Question Behind the Question" is a good read an excellent book. But having said that the idea of digging deeper to find the real meaning behind what people say is a good premise, we should asked questions to challenge reality and find what people are really thinking or feeling. As a coach this is an important skill to be developed.

30/4/2017 12:35:37 pm

Thanks Wade. Yes, I've ordered a copy of the book and am waiting for it to arrive. I look forward to reading it. I learned this approach from psychodynamic practitioners in the early '90s. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/diving-deep-in-the-coaching-pool

Sekararajan Balagurunathan

1/5/2017 08:07:09 am

Necessity.

1/5/2017 08:07:57 am

Hi Sekararajan. Do you have any examples you could share from your experience?

Shereen Elmie

1/5/2017 09:26:54 am

Great topic! Sometimes the questions asked have hidden meanings, often the question is masked, particularly when a work environment is not conducive to open discussion and/or employees fear intimidation! Often it's a matter of reading between the line, listening for what is not being said. The other side of the coin is the danger that we do not form an inaccurate assumption of what isn't being said!

1/5/2017 09:34:37 am

Thanks Shereen! I think you raise a very important point about culture and climate. If the environment feels threatening, people are more likely to speak in veiled terms to avoid risk. As you say, sometimes questions have hidden intentions and meanings too. I like your comment about 'reading between the lines' and 'listening for what is not being said'. I agree with you this carries the risk of not properly understanding what the person said or meant. This means that finding a way to check out our own assumptions is important too. Do you have any examples of navigating this kind of situation that you could share?

John (Norval) Settle

3/5/2017 02:01:57 pm

The nuances of questioning are useful to understand, in many settings. I suggest reading Marilee Adams' book "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life."

3/5/2017 02:02:33 pm

Thanks John.

Carolyn Kessler

5/5/2017 02:47:28 am

This is so true. Often times, it's about actually focussing on the individual, really listening - if you're really present you can usually intuit where the conversation should be heading and help the individual to frame their own questions. But it all comes back to listening.

5/5/2017 02:52:32 am

Thanks Carolyn. Yes, active listening, intuition and enabling the person to discover their own deeper questions are so important.