NICK WRIGHT
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Coaching and counselling
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Coaching and counselling
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact

Narrative

20/8/2018

102 Comments

 
Picture

'Beware the stories we tell ourselves.' (Brené Brown)

In fields of psychology such as TA (transactional analysis) and Gestalt, there’s an idea that, as we look back over our lives, we only notice key events that stand out to us as in some way significant. We don’t notice everything else. The events that hold our attention from our past are often those that we consider pivotal moments or experiences for us and that still carry emotional resonance. We join the dots between the events and, for us, the narrative that emerges becomes our ‘life story’.

(If you want to try this out for yourself, pause for a moment, take a sheet of paper and draw a line that, in some way, represents your life. Some people use an image of, say, a river as the line. Now mark key relationships, moments, events or experiences in your life on the line. You may want to draw these as, say, high points or low points – or as graphic images. When you are finished, tell yourself or someone else the story that has emerged. Notice how the story sounds and feels.)

This ability to create patterns and to tell stories provides a sense of continuity and coherence and enables us to make sense of our lives. Instead of recalling multiple random events, we experience life as journey. It’s like how we hear music as melody or flow, not as disconnected, separate notes. We do the same in teams, groups, organisations and cultures. We notice some things, don’t notice other things and create narratives based on what we see, believe and experience as significant.

Yet a story is necessarily selective. What now appears as true and coherent to us is one possible narrative, one version of events, one way of making sense of things. Furthermore, the more self-evident the story appears and feels to us, the greater the risk is that we are trapped, like Alice, in our own Wonderland. The stories we tell ourselves influence and reinforce what we notice and not-notice now, what sense we make of it, how we feel and how we anticipate-respond to the future.

So how to use these insights when working with clients? 1. Notice how a client depicts their issue, relationship or situation. What story are they telling themselves? How are they feeling as they do it? 2. Explore what they are not-noticing, what they are assuming, who or what is not featuring in the story, how the same facts or perceptions could be configured differently. 3. Enable them to experiment creatively with alternative stories to raise fresh awareness, insight and possibilities into view.
102 Comments

Procrastination

15/8/2018

56 Comments

 
Picture

It’s different to waiting, constructive waiting, when waiting itself is the wise and expedient thing to do. Procrastination is more about putting things off, not doing the constructive thing, avoiding what we need to or should do. It’s as much a psychological state, an oft debilitating stance, as an action or inaction. It’s the topic of reams of jokes too – suggesting that is has resonance, raising that awkward smile-when-found-out feeling, personally and culturally. We know it and recognise it in ourselves.

Yet why do we do it? Why do we put something off until tomorrow – or forever – that we know, at some level, would be better done today? Think of all those tasks, conversations, unresolved issues and that unfinished business that crowd in on us mentally and emotionally, running like background programmes that drain us. Think of how much energy it takes to avoid, to hold off, to delay rather than to do. We convince ourselves it’s about priorities – ‘the urgent and the important’. Maybe.

Think of it this way. Procrastination achieves or safeguards something for us. It fulfils a conscious or subconscious need. It could be a need to feel safe if a conversation feels too risky. It could be a need to feel self-esteem if a job feels too big or too hard. It could be a need to feel in control if an array of tasks feels too overwhelming. It could be a need to feel purpose-ful if our work seems meaningless. It could be a need to feel loved if a relationship appears at stake. It could be that we are just…tired.
​
So, what can we do if we notice a spirit of procrastination creeping insidiously into our clients? How can we help break the lethargy, the corrosive downward spiral it can create over time? 1. Acknowledge the need (above). 2. Challenge to decide. (The act of deciding is energising: ‘Optimism of action is better than pessimism of thought.’) 3. Challenge to act. 'Don’t overthink. Just do it – Now.' 4. Offer support to snap out of it, to jolt into action, if the client feels stuck. 5. Notice – and celebrate – achievement.
56 Comments

Control

10/8/2018

72 Comments

 
Picture

‘You can’t always control who walks into your life but you can control which window you throw them out of!’ (Anon)

It can be one of the worst feelings. To lose control. To be out of control. It’s also one of the main root causes of anxiety, depression and stress. To have control suggests to have choice, to have power to decide, to have agency, to be free. To lose those things, to have them taken away from us or to discover they lay out of reach for us can feel scary, disorientating and debilitating. It’s a critical consideration in change leadership, coaching, OD and training: how to handle issues of control.

I met with a change team recently that discussed how best to support people through transition. They had a very positive intention and created some great ideas. The critical and missing ingredient was to invite and involve the actual people they aimed to support in choosing what they would find most useful. The simple felt-experience of choosing can create a psychological sense of control in the midst of bewildering and anxiety-provoking change – and that can make all the difference.

I worked with a leadership team that felt overwhelmed by challenges they were facing. Their environment was so turbulent, complex and unpredictable that they struggled to understand it and to know what to do in response. Their felt sense of out-of-control-ness evoked anxiety and that made it difficult to think straight. Their solution lay not in exercising greater control but in letting go of their psychological need for control. They learned adaptive-responsive, emergent leadership instead.
​
How do you work with issues of control?
72 Comments

    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

    Picture
    Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
    Subscribe to Blog
    Picture
    Picture


    ​Archives

    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Ability
    Accountability
    Achievement
    Act
    Action
    Action Learning
    Activism
    Adaptability
    Adaptive
    Advent
    Adventure
    Advocacy
    Africa
    Agency
    Agile
    Ambiguity
    Angle
    Anthropomorphism
    Anticipation
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Armaments
    Artificial Intelligence
    Asia
    Assumption
    Assumptions
    Asylum
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Authority
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Bias
    Bible
    Body Language
    Borders
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Bridges
    Calling
    Care
    Career
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Change
    Character
    Charity
    Child
    Choice
    Choose
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Clarity
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Commitment
    Communication
    Community
    Compassion
    Competence
    Competencies
    Competency
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Confidence
    Conflict
    Confluence
    Congruence
    Consciousness
    Construct
    Constructs
    Construe
    Consultancy
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Control
    Conversation
    Corruption
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Credibility
    Crisis
    Critical Consciousness
    Critical Reflection
    Critical Reflective Practice
    Critical Reflexivity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Customers
    Customer Service
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Deferred Gratification
    Definition
    Delusion
    Democracy
    Depression
    Determination
    Development
    Deviance
    Deviant
    Diagnosis
    Disaster
    Discernment
    Disclosure
    Discovery
    Discrimination
    Disruptive
    Dissent
    Dissident
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Diversity
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamic Complexity
    Dynamics
    Easter
    Ecology
    Ecosystems
    Edge
    Edi
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Eliciting
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Empowerment
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Environment
    Equality
    Eternity
    Ethics
    Ethiopia
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Evocative
    Evolution
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Facilitation
    Faciltitation
    Faith
    Fantasy
    Fear
    Feedback
    Feeling
    Feminism
    Field Theory
    Figure
    Filter
    Fit
    Flashback
    Focus
    Food Bank
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freedom
    Freud
    Fun
    Future
    Gender
    Geopolitical
    Geopolitics
    German
    Germany
    Gestalt
    Gift
    Global
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Grit
    Ground
    Group
    Guidance
    Healing
    Health
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hero
    Hierarchy
    History
    Home
    Hope
    Human
    Human Givens
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Human Rights
    Humility
    Humour
    Hybrid
    Hypotheses
    Hypothesis
    Icon
    Ideation
    Identity
    Image
    Imagination
    Immersion
    Impact
    Impostor
    Improvisation
    Incarnation
    Inclusion
    Independence
    Influence
    INGO
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insecurity
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Instinct
    Integrity
    Intention
    Interdependence
    Interference
    International
    Interpretation
    Intersectionality
    Intimacy
    Introversion
    Intuition
    Invisible
    Invitation
    Jargon
    Jesus
    Journey
    Jungle
    Justice
    Keys
    Knowing
    Knowledge
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Leadership Teams
    Learner
    Learning
    Lesson
    Liberal
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Marathon
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Mindfulness
    Miracle
    Mirroring
    Misfit
    Mission
    Mode
    Montessori
    Morality
    Motivation
    Music
    Mystery
    Narrative
    Nazis
    Need
    Negotiation
    Neo-Nazi
    Networking
    News
    New Year
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Online
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Options
    Organisation
    Organisation Develoment
    Organisation Development
    Origin
    Pace
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Partnership
    Passion
    Pastoral
    Pattern Matching
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Perseverance
    Personal Constructs
    Personal Leadership
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Persuasion
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physicality
    Plan
    Plans
    Plato
    Play
    Plot
    Polarity
    Policy
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Poverty
    Power
    Practice
    Pragmatism
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Preferences
    Prepare
    Presence
    Presentation
    Principles
    Priorities
    Priority
    Privilege
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Process
    Professional
    Progressive
    Projection
    Projects
    Prompt
    Propaganda
    Protection
    Protest
    Providence
    Provocative
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Quality
    Questions
    Race
    Radical
    Rational
    Rationale
    Rationalisation
    Rationality
    Reality
    Reason
    Reasoning
    Reconciiliation
    Reconciliation
    Recruitment
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reflexivity
    Reframing
    Refugee
    Refugees
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resonance
    Resourcefulness
    Respect
    Responsibility
    Responsive
    Responsiveness
    Revelation
    Reward
    Rights
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Sabbath
    Satire
    Satnav
    Saviour
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Secure Base
    Security
    See
    Selection
    Selective Attention
    Self
    Sense Making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Serendipity
    Servant
    Shadow
    Significance
    Silence
    Simplicity
    Sin
    Skills
    Snake
    Social Change
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Song
    Space
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spiritual
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Stealth
    Stereotype
    Stereotypes
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Struggle
    Stuck
    Student
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Success
    Suffering
    Supervision
    Support
    Survival
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactical
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teacher
    Teaching
    Team
    Teams
    Teamwork
    Teamworking
    Technology
    Teenage
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Toys
    Traction
    Trade
    Trade Union
    Tradition
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trauma
    Trust
    Truth
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    Vallues
    Value
    Valued
    Values
    Violence
    Visibility
    Vision
    Voice
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Vulnerable
    Waiting
    Walls
    War
    Wealth
    Weird
    Wellbeing
    Will
    Willingness
    Window
    Wisdom
    Wonder
    Words
    World
    Worth
    Youth
    Zoom

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Coaching and counselling
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact