'Beware the stories we tell ourselves.' (Brené Brown) In fields of psychology such as TA (transactional analysis) and Gestalt, there’s an idea that, as we look back over our lives, we only notice key events that stand out to us as in some way significant. We don’t notice everything else. The events that hold our attention from our past are often those that we consider pivotal moments or experiences for us and that still carry emotional resonance. We join the dots between the events and, for us, the narrative that emerges becomes our ‘life story’. (If you want to try this out for yourself, pause for a moment, take a sheet of paper and draw a line that, in some way, represents your life. Some people use an image of, say, a river as the line. Now mark key relationships, moments, events or experiences in your life on the line. You may want to draw these as, say, high points or low points – or as graphic images. When you are finished, tell yourself or someone else the story that has emerged. Notice how the story sounds and feels.) This ability to create patterns and to tell stories provides a sense of continuity and coherence and enables us to make sense of our lives. Instead of recalling multiple random events, we experience life as journey. It’s like how we hear music as melody or flow, not as disconnected, separate notes. We do the same in teams, groups, organisations and cultures. We notice some things, don’t notice other things and create narratives based on what we see, believe and experience as significant. Yet a story is necessarily selective. What now appears as true and coherent to us is one possible narrative, one version of events, one way of making sense of things. Furthermore, the more self-evident the story appears and feels to us, the greater the risk is that we are trapped, like Alice, in our own Wonderland. The stories we tell ourselves influence and reinforce what we notice and not-notice now, what sense we make of it, how we feel and how we anticipate-respond to the future. So how to use these insights when working with clients? 1. Notice how a client depicts their issue, relationship or situation. What story are they telling themselves? How are they feeling as they do it? 2. Explore what they are not-noticing, what they are assuming, who or what is not featuring in the story, how the same facts or perceptions could be configured differently. 3. Enable them to experiment creatively with alternative stories to raise fresh awareness, insight and possibilities into view.
102 Comments
Martine Bolton
20/8/2018 08:27:03 pm
Excellent article Nick. I so aspire to writing as beautifully as you do! I love the exercise you outline, and will be using it for sure 😆. Our stories are so powerful, and create the very stuff of our lives by way of the self-fulfilling prophecy. I remember my mum used to always speak about 3 score years and 10, and not wanting to make old bones. No prizes for pre-empting how her story ended. 😔
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Nick Wright
20/8/2018 08:33:51 pm
Thanks Martine. What heartwarming feedback! :) I think that's a really interesting link between narrative and self-fulfilling prophecy. On that theme, you may find this short related piece interesting? It attracted some fascinating responses! http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/whats-your-story
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Martine Bolton
20/8/2018 09:01:35 pm
I could have embellished the story or made it a bit more heart warming I guess! Maybe not told the story so as not to risk upsetting anyone 😄. So many choices, and I'm sure many people add a bit of spin to their stories! I just love that idea that we are the writers, producers and directors of our own lives (not to mention the actors), and that we get to write each chapter every day through our thoughts, words and actions. And the idea that we can choose the kind of endings that we want (and change them at any point we choose!) is empowering in itself! What a time to be alive! 😁
Nick Wright
20/8/2018 09:10:13 pm
Hi Martine. Yes, our stories definitely have a spin...although we are not usually aware of it. It's as if our stories are true - at least to us. We are also invested in our stories. They provide a sense of meaning to our lives and this means that we may well encounter denial or resistance if we challenge a person's narrative. Choosing the ending is an interesting idea. .!
Martine Bolton
20/8/2018 09:11:11 pm
Well, I say that... In fact I'm never entirely sure whether we are the sole writer/producer/directors or whether it's a co-creation job with a higher power 😄... guess we won't know the answer for sure in this lifetime!
Nick Wright
20/8/2018 09:14:19 pm
Hi Martine. That's certainly my sense. I have seen enough evidence of Jesus at work in my life and around me to convince me He is true. We are part of a wider picture, a wider narrative - including a cultural narrative. It means my personal story is interconnected deeply and inseparably with so many other stories.
Clare Darlow
24/8/2018 04:44:44 am
Great you two know each other - small world! Hope you are both well x
Nick Wright
24/8/2018 04:46:07 am
Wow Clare...speaking of people and stories that form our own life narrative - how are you these days?!
Martine Bolton
24/8/2018 04:47:04 am
Hi Clare - small world indeed! Have never met Nick, but have been connected on LinkedIn since my PCC days. Big fan of his articles and the depth of his thoughtfulness 🙂
Clare Darlow
24/8/2018 04:47:56 am
Martine - I've worked with you both...in fact even more closely with Nick as we were in the same team at World Vision for a couple of years - Strategy, Innovation and Organisational Development. He's a lovely guy and very talented (like you!) at what he does, I think you would get along well 😀
Nick Wright
24/8/2018 04:48:27 am
Ah, thanks for your kind words Clare 😊. Yes - I suspect there are a lot of synergies between Nick and myself. Maybe there will be an opportunity to meet one day, and possibly collaborate on a worthwhile project 😃
Nick Wright
24/8/2018 04:48:56 am
Hi both. Speaking of writing life stories...! :)
Martine Bolton
24/8/2018 05:02:22 am
Nick - So true. I always carry an element of doubt, in that, if I'd been born in another country, within a different culture, to different parents, with different beliefs, and maybe in a different time and even into a different gender, would some of the beliefs that I hold true today be different. The answer is a definite Yes.
Nick Wright
24/8/2018 05:08:01 am
Hi Martine. Yes, I sometimes reflect on how the slightest details of my life and identity influence my beliefs and stance (e.g. my sense of who I am in the world; the principles I am willing to stand up for). I believe that many of the influences on and impacts of our life lay well out of conscious awareness. 21/8/2018 05:31:02 am
Definitivamente estoy fascinada con esta narrativa tan real de las más profundas emociones de todo ser humano, cuantas veces cuándo fallamos o nos fallan las personas
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 04:43:40 am
Thank you, Rossy. Yes, we sometimes wish we could re-write our life story so that it has a happier or more positive outcome for ourselves and for others. In doing so, however, I wonder what we and others would inadvertently lose as well as what we might gain. It feels like a profound question and, for me, raises deep and important issues of faith and hope.
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Clifford Morgan
24/8/2018 04:49:45 am
I always enjoy hearing people's stories. Unfortunately most people aren't practiced at telling their own!
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 05:00:43 am
Hi Cliff. 'Most people aren't practiced at telling their own.' I wonder what that tells us culturally - e.g. in terms of self awareness; complexity; busyness; sense that other people may (not) be interested to hear?
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Suman Singh
24/8/2018 07:32:29 am
Very well narrated Nick. What we observe is that we all do and what we don't observe is something which is a lack.
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 07:33:57 am
Thanks Suman. We could say that noticing our not-noticing is often a key to fresh insights and breakthroughs...
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Gavin Treacy
24/8/2018 08:28:41 am
Very interesting read. I am a believer that whilst all attention may be drawn to us as the Trainer at the front of room, we are facilitators. There is no one size fits all for what we deliver. Through observing our candidates, encouraging questions, feedback and participation we able to adapt our delivery and provide differentiation so everyone benefits. Macro and micro. Observation, empathy and adaptability are vital skills for a Trainer. Two eyes, two ears, one mouth.
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 08:31:50 am
Thanks Gavin. Given that...I'm curious...how do you work with narratives in the room - perhaps including your own concerning your beliefs about what constitutes good training practice?
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Gavin Treacy
24/8/2018 10:30:54 am
I was very fortunate to attend a training course on Effective Coaching and Feedback with an excellent Trainer, Debbi Glover. That has been incredibly useful in teaching me the importance of to getting to know candidate thoughts, feelings and rationale. Ours is not the only voice in the room. We need candidate stories, experiences and thoughts. We need their narratives. Ask open questions. Don't be afraid to challenge, use "why?" to encourage discussion and participation. Use positive affirmation to encourage participation. Even a smile when a candidate is talking goes along way. Get to know your candidates. We all have different reasons, motivations and goals for being in that room. Without participative and engaged candidates, we may as well deliver to an empty room. That's my to penneth.
Nick Wright
24/8/2018 10:39:30 am
Thanks Gavin. It sounds like Debbie and the training course feature positively in your own personal and professional life story/narrative! I like your comment: 'We all have different reasons, motivations and goals for being in that room.' I have found that sometimes inviting a group to share at the outset of a course, 'How did I get here?' can be very powerful. It allows participants to share something of their own journey that led them to this point, along with opportunity to explore their hopes, dreams and desired trajectory of their story - and to say/discuss how they will ensure their participation in this training process helps take them there. This approach can stimulate and galvinise engagement in a group, e.g. by posing provocative challenges such as, 'What responsibility are you willing to take for your own journey - as well as that of your fellow participants - today?'
Helen Green
24/8/2018 11:05:52 am
And never forget that when we retell a story we can (often unconsciously) change the narrative in line with subsequent experiences. Nevertheless, storytelling is a great way of training. Even someting as simple as safety training can be amplified with 'i knew someone who...'
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 11:11:41 am
Hi Helen. Intriguing. Can you say a bit more about, 'we can (often unconsciously) change the narrative in line with subsequent experiences'? I have noticed that we sometimes change our narrative in light of what is most important to us here-and-now, as if that casts a different light on what now stands out to us as most important in our past. That said, we can also tell ourselves and others a version of our life story that becomes so familiar, so reinforced, that it seems and feels to us like the definitive narrative.
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 12:09:40 pm
Hi Nick - Take a look at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/am-i-right/201307/your-memory-isnt-what-you-think-it-is
Nick Wright
28/8/2018 12:10:01 pm
Thanks Helen. Yes - that resonates!
Kathrin
24/8/2018 12:18:13 pm
Es fällt leicht, über das zu erzählen, was im Leben gut gegangen ist, wobei ich Erfolg hatte, was lustig war, wofür ich gelobt wurde. Aber wer erzählt schon gern ehrlich über traurige Erlebnisse, Enttäuschungen, Fehler, Niederlagen? Dazu muss ich meine schwache Seite zeigen und wer möchte darüber gern sprechen? Aber nur, wenn ich auch davon erzählen kann, bin ich rundum glaubwürdig und ein kompletter Mensch.
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 01:44:47 pm
Hi Kathrin. Yes, I think that points towards significant cultural influences on personal narrative - e.g. what we pay attention to, what we are willing to disclose. It has its own impact on culture too, e.g. the recent phenomenon of sharing stories 'at our best' on social media and its relationship to growing mental health concerns.
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Esperanza "Hope" Reynolds
24/8/2018 02:09:46 pm
Narrative is the essence of life, something that seems to be getting lost today in this world of 140 characters, brief messages and over-abundance of gadgets.
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 02:14:16 pm
Hi Esperanza. Thank you for sharing such interesting reflections. I like your comment, 'Life is a running film, not just a moment.' The metaphor raises interesting questions such as, 'Who directs the film; who is chosen to act in it - and by whom; what roles do they play; what is the theme of the film; what feeling does and is it intended to evoke; who and what is edited in and out - and by whom?' etc.
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Pamela Donnelly
24/8/2018 05:11:13 pm
Nick this is a wonderful article full of amazing insights. I am always being challenged by my coach to review the narrative and stories I tell myself. Sometimes our stories can be so powerful they stop us from pursuing the life we want. Developing the awareness to challenge my own narrative has been the best thing I have ever done. Thanks for sharing. Pam
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 05:12:45 pm
Hi Pam. Thanks for such heartwarming feedback and for sharing so profoundly from personal experience. I think you have demonstrated well the power of narrative!
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Brenda Kwan
24/8/2018 07:04:51 pm
Great read, thanks! Do you use the words "story" and/or "narrative" with your coaching clients? If yes, how have clients responded to those words?
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Nick Wright
24/8/2018 07:08:39 pm
Thanks Brenda. What a great question! I don't tend to use the word 'story' with clients because they typically associate story with fiction or children's fiction - something that is made up/not true. I may use the word 'narrative' as it tends to have fewer connotations, although I would still explain what I mean by it in that context.
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Tracey Watson
25/8/2018 01:00:27 pm
I collected fairy stories of change within health and social care. I asked teams to spend 20 mins to write their accounts of change in the style of a fairy tale and they were a central character. After initial eye rolling, it was amazing what came out. Who they saw were monsters, evil queens and hero’s and also their place in the story.
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Nick Wright
25/8/2018 01:03:15 pm
Hi Tracey. Thank you for sharing such a fascinating example of using narrative in change. There are some resonances with this short piece and some of the responses to it: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/whats-your-story
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Deborah Meyers
25/8/2018 07:37:32 pm
Very insightful, true and powerful. Both for individuals and organizations alike. Our stories have the power to change ourselves, others and entire groups. And the ability to see our stories differently can alter our futures as well. Very thoughtful. Thank you.
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Nick Wright
25/8/2018 07:41:25 pm
Thanks Deborah. Yes, that's true. Are you familiar with social constructionism (e.g. in appreciative inquiry)? It views all narrative as personally and socially constructed. That means that changing the narrative can change everything. I find that very exciting in my coaching and OD work!
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Patrick O'Brien
25/8/2018 09:25:07 pm
Thanks Nick!
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Nick Wright
25/8/2018 09:37:35 pm
Thanks Patrick. I have used narrative-based techniques with leaders and leadership teams and seen dramatic effects. One example is Appreciative Inquiry (AI). Are you familiar with it? You may find this short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/appreciate It uses the power of story, imagination and sharing of stories to create energy, vision and dynamic movement towards a desired future.
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Ilse von Hirschberg-Sheehan
25/8/2018 10:43:25 pm
Mythologies are very useful in organizational culture work. What are the stories people tell about past events, people, groups, the leadership? These mythologies take on a life of their own and serve to reinforce culture. They always start with a truth or perceived truth and grow from there, often into something much bigger than the original event. I find seeking out, recording and applying TA analysis to these mythologies an effective way to understand a culture, how it came to be and clues to how it may be improved.
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Nick Wright
25/8/2018 10:46:16 pm
Hi Ilse. Do you have an example of 'seeking out, recording and applying TA analysis to mythologies as an effective way to understand a culture' that you could share here? I would be fascinated to hear more!
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Vasudevan Alasingachar (Vasu)
26/8/2018 10:54:12 am
Nick is right 🥂
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Nick Wright
26/8/2018 10:54:30 am
Thank you, Vasu.
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Jose Santiago
26/8/2018 11:39:51 am
It's like listening to people they will filter out what they either failed to see or chose not to see. the Sangomas in Southern Africa used to say that what was not said was as important as the what was said in their diagnostic of the persons ailment. No different from the corporate culture stories and change stories we hear so often. (sangoma are traditional healers in Southern African tribes of the Nguni people).
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Nick Wright
26/8/2018 11:40:10 am
Hi Jose. Interesting. There are parallels in Gestalt. We could pose a question such as, for instance, 'What is the story we are not telling ourselves?' In other words, what are we not-noticing or avoiding? A tricky part is that, often, we don't know what we are not-noticing or avoiding or what assumptions we are making. Sometimes narrative, use of metaphor, painting a picture, acting out a story etc. can surface hidden or buried insights and create fresh possibilities, vision, energy and hope.
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Derek Rowe
27/8/2018 01:38:18 am
The thing about training sessions is that, structurally, in themsleves they contain narrative. To use a screenwriting term, they contain beats. These beats are often quite generic - structurally. The paradigm of the heroe's journey is a good example, literally a set of pre-determined twists and turns, used over and over by a myriad of story-tellers for centuries.
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Nick Wright
27/8/2018 01:43:01 am
Hi Derek. You reminded me of the TA 'drama triangle' that we often see played out in stories, films etc...and in real life and relationships: the archetypal villain, victim and rescuer.
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Rose Noxon, PhD, PMP, CPT
27/8/2018 01:43:57 am
Exactly the reason ISPI chose Storytelling as our theme this year. Check out the ISPI Fall Symposium at Wayne State in Oct. Many aspects of narrative and story telling. Ispi.org
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Nick Wright
27/8/2018 01:47:38 am
Hi Rose. Thanks for the link. It has some interesting articles posted under the conference information, particularly in terms of 'your part in the way your story played out.' I hope the conference goes well!
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Ameet Mattoo
27/8/2018 02:05:22 am
These different narratives form what we call as “multiple realities” and the organisational reality lies somewhere in these multiple subjective realities.
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Nick Wright
27/8/2018 02:09:33 am
Hi Ameet. Yes, I think 'multiple realities' is a good way of describing it. The idea of 'the organisational reality' is an interesting one. In social constructionism, for instance, there is no definitive, objective 'reality' to be discerned or perceived in the midst of other realities. Whatever 'reality' we appear to perceive is personally and socially constructed rather than something that is there per se. Does that make sense?
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Vikram Sharan
27/8/2018 02:33:08 pm
What a nice discussion! Nick, we all know every event has to have different narrative of the stories by the different role holders in that event. And still some different narrative by an outside observer! All shaping the stories biased around their own personal values, cognition, past experience and interpretations of the event... As a physics lover still, can't stop to write the fact that "the very act of observing an event by an observer changes the "true" characteristics of that event!!"
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Nick Wright
27/8/2018 02:43:16 pm
Thanks Vikram. I think that's a great point about how people construe different accounts of the same event. You may be familiar with this advertisement that a UK newspaper used some years ago to illustrate that same point? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfyIW8oraUk
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Arturo Calderon
27/8/2018 02:45:24 pm
The key process underlying narrative formation is sensemaking: "the ongoing retrospective development of plausible images that rationalize what people are doing" (Weick, Sutcliffe, & Obstfeld, 2005, p. 409).
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Nick Wright
27/8/2018 02:51:08 pm
Hi Atruro. I agree that narrative formation and sense-making are closely related and that the former is often a process by which, consciously or subconsciously, we achieve the latter. Having said that, narrative is also associated with e.g. visioning (e.g. 'imagine if...') and deconstructing-reconstructing what we and others may perceive as possibilities for the future.
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Malcolm Montgomery
27/8/2018 02:58:52 pm
Thanx Nick. I am working with a group of five coaches where each of them is coaching a syndicate group of delegates on our Management Development Programme. Last week we were chatting about "limiting assumptions" - I think you piece on narrative coaching will compliment our discussion and will comment further after sharing this information with them. Thanx a mil . . . Mal.
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Nick Wright
27/8/2018 03:03:12 pm
Thanks Malcolm. That sounds like a fascinating piece of work. Yes, it can be interesting and valuable to explore implicit and explicit assumptions in the narratives we tell ourselves and each other. The tricky part is often knowing what we are assuming or avoiding. On that theme, you may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots I look forward to hearing more once you have chance to discuss with the group!
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Jeanine Browne M.Bus M.Teach
28/8/2018 11:58:41 am
Thanks for the discussion everyone, most enjoyable to read. Listening to and interpreting the narrative has always given me insight into client need. I am a strong believer in the truth of parallel process.
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 11:59:42 am
Hi Jeanine. Intriguing. Could you say something more about 'the truth of parallel process'? Do you have an example you could share here?
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Shailaja (Shell) Sharma
28/8/2018 12:02:39 pm
Alternative narratives create alternate perspectives - what a powerful tool to unlock self awareness.
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 12:05:15 pm
Thanks Shell. ...and alternative perspectives create alternative narratives. One simple yet powerful technique can be to invite a client to choose an object, a song, a story...whatever they prefer... that, for them, represents the story of their life. Then invite the client to share their story...and notice what emerges for them.
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Soma Brahma
28/8/2018 12:07:05 pm
Agree totally.
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 12:07:24 pm
Thanks Soma. :)
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Ellen Finkelstein
28/8/2018 12:11:33 pm
It's also helpful for marketing to write our own story -- where we came from and how we got here. If you're interested, I have a "Write Your Story" worksheet -- it's free at http://www.ellenhelps.me/writeyourstory
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 12:21:29 pm
Thanks Ellen. What strikes me is that, in marketing, we seek to construct a story - consciously - that will fulfil whatever purpose we have in mind, partly linking to what matters most to our chosen audience etc. We also construct narrative subconsciously, perhaps also to fulfil some subconscious purpose - e.g. to make sense of our lives - in which case we may be our own primary audience..?
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Gill Parkin
28/8/2018 08:20:08 pm
Great post. I use TA and gestalt in my coaching, and love the questions at the end!!!
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 08:20:57 pm
Thanks Gill. Great to hear of a fellow Gestalt enthusiast! Do you have any examples from experience that you could share here?
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Ryan Barretto
28/8/2018 08:22:10 pm
Interesting... thanks for this lovely food for thought.
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Nick Wright
28/8/2018 08:22:45 pm
Thanks for your kind feedback, Ryan.
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Kathrin
29/8/2018 09:03:59 am
Wenn einem Menschen durch einen anderen Menschen etwas passiert ist, dann erzählt er, was ihm angetan wurde. Er wurde beschimpft, ihm wurde weh getan oder zu Unrecht beschuldigt. Im ersten Moment haben alle anderen Mitleid mit ihm.
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Nick Wright
29/8/2018 11:32:12 am
Thanks Kathrin. Yes, we sometimes construct a narrative as a way of influencing how others perceive, feel about and respond to us. An example is how we may present ourselves and our experience at a job interview. Sometimes, we may construct a narrative subconsciously, e.g. to explain or justify something to ourselves or to others. We could think of this psychologically as a 'defense mechanism'. Sometimes our narratives are shared and reinforced in groups to the extent that they become cultural narratives. They contain all kinds of beliefs, values and assumptions and are sometimes constructed in such a way that they function psychologically as 'social defences against anxiety'.
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Rosemary Hackman
29/8/2018 11:36:10 am
Thanks for your insightful writing. When we think back to our days at school and Uni - we remember the teacher/trainer and the material presented when delivered in a friendly and clear and inclusive manner - the story of the lesson learned becomes meaningful.
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Nick Wright
29/8/2018 11:41:18 am
Thanks Rosemary. Yes, we can ask ourselves of any experience in our lives (e.g. school, uni, a job, a relationship): 'What is the story we are telling ourselves about that experience - including our place/role within it?' We can also ask ourselves, e.g. 'How is our story influencing what we are experiencing in the present; how we are anticipating the future?' etc.
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Lee Hibbert MSc BEd Cert Ed MSyl MIfL MInstLM
29/8/2018 11:42:56 am
Hi Nick, very interesting piece and Bernie’s paradigm on life scripts and Strokes is something I use everyday. My hypothesis for my MSc was life scripts also create the cognitive biases which are an individuals barriers to learning. Individuals filter their experiences which influence their decision making ( risk perception ) and creates the denial and resistance to change , something we come across on a Daily basis at all levels in life and business.
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Nick Wright
29/8/2018 11:48:58 am
Thanks Lee. Yes, our stories both reflect and function as filters. They represent and influence, e.g. who and what we notice/don't notice, who and what we value/don't value, how we feel/don't feel, what we do/don't do. The same principles are evident in groups too (e.g. teams, organisations, communities) as cultural phenomena. I like your approach to drawing on alternative narratives to avoid personal-group think. I think this is an area where working cross-culturally and with diverse teams can be a great opportunity and advantage - and equally challenging to achieve in practice!
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Judit Pokos
29/8/2018 03:12:07 pm
Hi! That is a great point of view! It should be used more often I believe! I never described it as a " narrative OD", but I could never give a particular name to it. I believe, I use that method already, just because of my sence of personality. I want to see what motivates my client the best in what situation/ timing/ etc., hence I can support her/ his needs better. And this can lead to the best customer experience! Anyway, I am very pleased about your thoughts, because - from September onwards - I am just about to start my theses at my uni MSc about this concept. Your discussion gives me good ideas! Thank you!
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Nick Wright
29/8/2018 03:20:08 pm
Hi Judit and thank you for such encouraging feedback! I too believe that inviting and exploring narrative can reveal usefully what matters most to people. We also talk about 'customer journeys' which, in some ways, represent the narratives that we hope customers will tell themselves and others as a consequence of engaging with us. I hope your MSc goes well. Keep us posted if and when you discover new ideas! :)
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Annie Raven-Vause
30/8/2018 10:35:49 am
Nice piece, thank you. I also find that paying attention to what part of the narrative that is unfolding helps me be mindful of my own subconscious processes.
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Nick Wright
30/8/2018 10:37:24 am
Thanks Annie. I'm intrigued. Can you say a bit more about, 'what part of the narrative is unfolding...my own subconscious processes'?
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Kativa Yadav
30/8/2018 10:38:39 am
Absolutely Bang on 🙂 TA is a beautiful concept to understand self and others, our interpersonal relationships and a highly effective tool to get hold of the way we communicate, not only with others but with self. The way we narrate things, situations makes the whole difference. Life Stories become an integral part of one's being/personality. As a coach, mentor I help my clients move from one side of the table to the other so that they are able to see & experience the other part of the story/coin and experience a different narrative. Thank You for this writeup. Liked it!!!
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Nick Wright
30/8/2018 10:41:13 am
Hi Kativa - and thank you for such an enthusiastic response! :) I would love to hear more about, 'I help my clients move from one side of the table to the other.' Can you say a bit more about that, perhaps with an example from experience to show what it could look like in practice?
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Vesna Sodnik
30/8/2018 10:58:31 pm
Nick, thank you for these excellent ideas.
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Nick Wright
30/8/2018 10:59:18 pm
Hi Vesna - and thank you for your kind feedback. :)
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Heike Herma Thomsen M.A.
30/8/2018 11:00:25 pm
Nicely summarised! I work with narratives as well and find it very useful.
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Nick Wright
30/8/2018 11:03:31 pm
Thanks Heike! I would love to hear more. Do you have any examples of working with narrative that you could share here?
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Deidre Harvey
31/8/2018 02:37:58 pm
Really well put. I use this technique often, depending on the situation. Usually it’s a version of the ‘empty chair’ and is great for putting things in perspective, brainstorming and problem solving.
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Nick Wright
31/8/2018 02:38:56 pm
Thanks Deidre. That sounds interesting. Do you have any examples from experience that you could share here?
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Kelly Bennion
31/8/2018 11:36:35 pm
Great post, and a great example of the sort of human-centred analysis that AI won’t be able to replace anytime soon if ever.
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Nick Wright
31/8/2018 11:38:06 pm
Thanks Kelly. What an interesting angle to the conversation! Which aspects of narrative do you think may lay beyond artificial intelligence?
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Yomna Salem
9/9/2018 07:50:27 pm
I completely agree. I usually express it in a slightly different way: stories are a good way of communicating, but not necessarily a good way of processing input. Even if our stories are fact-based, they are not facts. The stories we tell ourselves are the way we connect the dots. There could be other ways to connect the dots, and there might be even a whole set of dots we are not seeing because we are too occupied with the story we have already drawn.
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Nick Wright
9/9/2018 07:53:07 pm
Thanks Yomna. I like the way you expressed that: 'Even if our stories are fact-based they are not the facts. The stories we tell ourselves are the way we connect the dots.' You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/dots
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Cath Norris
13/9/2018 11:13:59 pm
Nice post Nick. It brought up for me that I tend to notice people's relationship with the concept of 'agency' and how so much of what we struggle with relates back to a time when we were genuinely dependant on the actions of others in determining our sense of self and well being. I think that once the charge inherent in many of our early experiences has been acknowledged and eased, the space exists to begin integrating more awareness of what's possible in the here and now based on our capacity as adults. That can lead to a reframe which incorporates a fuller sense of who those significant others actually are, independent of our early needs and experiences in relation to them. Our narratives can evolve and integrate an increased awareness of our agency as adults.
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Nick Wright
13/9/2018 11:21:25 pm
Thanks Cath. I think that's very profound. So much of our narrative appears to be influenced, often out of awareness, by the early narratives we told ourselves, again subconsciously, as very young children. That, along with narratives we introjected from others, can set a pattern/schema for us that influences subsequently what we notice and don't notice, what sense we make of it, how we feel and how we act. Growing in awareness of our narratives and experimenting with reframing can be both liberating and empowering
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Frances White
22/9/2018 06:35:26 pm
Love the way you have expressed this so simply ... I find that encouraging simplicity with clients in their narratives can also be useful sometimes. I am a big fan of narrative coaching and trained with David Drake.
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Nick Wright
22/9/2018 06:36:49 pm
Thanks Frances. I'm not familiar with David Drake's work. Sounds interesting! Do you have any insights and experiences you could share here?
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Anuraag Surany Raman
22/11/2018 11:34:05 am
Very nice! Tweaking one's 'life story' or narrative is easier said than done.... However as mentioned here it is crucial at times to avoid getting stuck. Thanks for posting!
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Nick Wright
22/11/2018 11:36:00 am
Thanks Anuraag. I agree. In my experience, this is an area where working with a skilful coach or supervisor can help. I sometimes don't realise what stories I am telling myself until someone else holds up a mirror to me.
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Andry Anastasiou
2/12/2018 06:02:10 pm
Thanks Nick, I work with narrative in coaching and in mentoring too, and also in my work on building personal resilience. I find it very powerful. Thanks for your blog.
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Nick Wright
2/12/2018 06:02:43 pm
Thanks Andry. Do you have any examples from experience you could share here?
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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