 ‘The only thing that has been predictable has been the utter unpredictability of what has followed.’ (Gina Miller) Take a brief moment. Look back over the past 12 months. Make a note of the key people, relationships, moments or events that stand out to you now as most significant from that period. It could be at a personal level or even at a global level. Reflect for a while on the influence or impact they have had in your life. Now highlight which of those things you had anticipated or knew for sure in advance at the start of 2024. You may be surprised by how many came as a surprise. ‘We are in a jungle and find our way by trial and error, building our road behind us as we proceed.’ (Max Born) That’s actually been true, for me, every year of my life. It makes approaching the future with an assured sense of certainty questionable. It means planning rigidly, as if we can predict and manage our destiny, naively optimistic. It calls for openness, agility and adaptability. How do you deal with unpredictability – without clinging to control or resigning to apathy?
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 'Are coaching services for the wealthy elite – those who can afford it? What could we do to make coaching more accessible to those who are poorer in the world?’ Nick Wright (UK) and Dr Smita Singh (India) offer their own reflections here: This question first confronted me (Nick) 30 years ago. I was employed by a UK faith-based organisation to provide coaching support for community development workers. I asked myself, ‘What about those who can’t afford this kind of provision, yet could benefit so much from it?’ An answer to that question was to start my own freelance practice with a vision to provide low-cost high-quality coaching – affordable and accessible – for practitioners working with the poor. I did this in my free time, initially for one evening per week, and it grew to become international. The challenges I have faced are how to scale up to extend such provision for greater reach; how to find and connect with those (e.g. local activists in civil society organisations) to offer support; how to provide coaching that is culturally and contextually sensitive, relevant and effective. These are some of the difficulties I’ve encountered over the years: Coaching is an unregulated industry and the word ‘coaching’ means different things to different people, organisations and practitioners in different countries; some view it as an alien cultural approach, derived from Western assumptions and inapplicable in other contexts; some view it negatively as a remedial intervention and, as such, it can carry connotations of failure and shame; the poor typically have least scope for personal agency, influence and opportunity; the poorest are often too busy working to survive at a subsistence level to make time for coaching-type interventions – and likely to view it as a luxury reserved for the rich; coaches are often self-employed and need to recover the cost of investment in their training as well as pay their own bills through fees. Against this complex backdrop, here are some ways in which we can make coaching more accessible for the poor: advocate that United Nations, non-governmental organisations, public-private sectors and local civil society organisations include coaching provision in their plans and budgets as integral to enabling critical reflection and social transformation; integrate cross-cultural insights and approaches into coaching professional standards and training; provide scholarships for people from poorer backgrounds and contexts to take part in coach training programmes; offer group coaching or related approaches (such as action learning) to reduce per capita costs; experiment with new technologies to create access to coaching without associated travel time and costs; provide some coaching support low-bono or pro bono. I (Smita) agree with pro-bono and low-bono approaches to making coaching more accessible. The concerns that Nick has raised are, in my view, primarily about perceptions and deep-rooted norms around coaching that the non-elite may hold (which is what I feel too). We know that such perceptions and norms influence each other. Perceptions and norms (for example, what a person sees others do, and what they believe others expect of them too) often determine behaviour. A person may conform well to a norm because they see and experience that most other people in their cultural context also conform. If, through coaching, we can help people grow in awareness of their perceptions and norms, we can start to create social change – but this will sometimes need to start with changing people’s perceptions of coaching itself. Some organizational development (OD) interventions may help change these perceptions and norms; for example, the ‘Normative Re-educative Strategy of Change’ that Robert Chin and Kenneth D. Benne introduced some 5 decades ago. Theirs is a framework for managing change in organizations and social settings. In my experience, it tends to be effective because it aims to achieve win-win solutions through collaboration, education and experience. For instance, in the past, we worked to make India a polio-free country. We tried various methods but realized we would only achieve our aim if we were to re-educate the masses. Many people feared the new vaccine, so it was necessary to educate them. We drew on the experience of local volunteers from the relevant communities, which created critical credibility and trust. The non-elite or those in need in any country, including the UK, US, Australia, etc, can be effectively helped using this approach too. For coaches, paying their bills while offering low-cost coaching to make it more affordable for those at the bottom of the socioeconomic pyramid is a significant concern. As an academic, I would propose writing white papers, offering evidence-based research to demonstrate the value of coaching interventions in social change and sharing them with key policymakers. If coaches can obtain funding from the government or sponsorship from corporate or other funding sources, they can have a stable income while they provide coaching to poorer clients. Training and employing coaches from local cultures and communities will help ensure it is provided in culturally- and contextually relevant ways, including stories of success that the people in need can quickly identify with. What do you think? We’d love to hear about your experiences, insights and ideas of making coaching provision accessible for the poor. (Dr Smita Singh is a faculty member at IMT Nagpur Business School in India and is also a management consultant, coach and author.)  ‘The government is us; we are the government, you and I.’ (Theodore Roosevelt) ‘It’s the first time someone has asked me what I think.’ Paul was stunned that, over a drink with his university philosophy tutor, he had been invited to share his own thoughts, insights and ideas. Years later, I’ve still never forgotten the positive surprise and bright sparkle in Paul’s eyes as he recounted that experience. There’s something about being genuinely invited in, heard and understood, especially by someone we may look up to and admire, that can feel incredibly affirming and inspiring. It’s the kind of thing that can build confidence, loyalty and trust. By stark contrast, here’s a recent personal experience: in the past 6 months, I've written to the UK Prime Minister twice – no response; UK Home Secretary 3 times – no response; UK Safeguarding and Violence Against Women & Girls Minister once – no response; my local UK MP 4 times – no response. (Also: the former General Secretary of NATO once – no response; former Archbishop of Canterbury once – no response…the UK BBC News once; UK Sky News once; UK Channel 4 News once; Al Jazeera UK News 5 times – and all with no response). I’m curious – and democratically concerned. In the past, whenever I’ve written to political leaders, they have always responded. (In fact, in the past 6 months, the only leader who has responded is the Leader of the UK Reform Party). What has changed, and what does it mean? I could hypothesise. For instance: perhaps they’ve ignored my communications because they don’t care what I think; perhaps they haven’t had a clear position on the issues I’ve raised so haven’t known how to respond; perhaps they’ve been overwhelmed by work pressures and so haven’t had the time to respond; perhaps – and possibly most plausibly in the current volatile, inflamed climate – they’ve been fearful to respond in case I were to take what they have said and react to it badly, or misconstrue what they have said and spread it over social media. Perhaps, and it is only a perhaps, they have chosen radio silence as a self-defensive, least-worst strategy in these complex and challenging circumstances. I don’t know. I do know how it feels to be on the not-receiving end of such un-responsive leadership. I can better understand how increasing numbers of people feel ignored, unheard and disenfranchised by their own elected representatives – and that worries me for the future of democratic states and societies. We live in turbulent times. Pulling back from communication exacerbates the risks.  ‘For every fixed idea there is an absent idea: by interpreting experience in a particular way we inadvertently exclude alternative renditions.’ (Peter Senge) It’s tricky being human. We are so easily trapped by our assumptions. Imagine this scenario (mirroring Chris Argyris and Peter Senge’s Ladder of Inference): You arrange a meeting with a colleague from whom you need input and you race back from another appointment to ensure you arrive on time. To your frustration and dismay, the other person doesn’t turn up. You call them but there’s no answer. What sort of thing goes through your mind? It could be:
That reminds me of Stephen Covey’s observation that, often, ‘We judge others by their actions but ourselves by our intentions.’ If this happens, you’re likely to feel devalued and disrespected – and that will have a negative impact on your relationship. Yet how to challenge yourself to create a shift in perspective and, thereby, to open up fresh possibilities for moving things forward? Jean Latting and V. Jean Ramsey offer a useful ‘3 Hypotheses Technique’: The first step is to notice and take note of what you assume the person’s action or behaviour means – that is, if you like, your starting hypothesis. The second step is to assume the person has a positive intention – which would be, in this case, the reverse of your initial hypothesis. The third step is to assume the person is, for instance, being driven by external circumstances that are beyond their control – that is, to imagine or create an alternative explanation. Playing with hypotheses like this can help us loosen the grip that hidden, subconscious assumptions can hold over our thinking, how we feel and how we respond. It helps us recognise when we may be jumping to conclusions without realising it – especially when we’re feeling anxious, pressured or stressed – and it can evoke a constructive and healthy state of curiosity, allowing us to navigate situations and relationships with greater freedom, flexibility and truth.  ‘The dark night of the soul is a journey into light.’ (Caroline Myss) The first thing I noticed was the strange sound of my own voice. After 3 days in solitude on silent retreat where listening was my primary intention and goal, to hear my own words spoken again felt like an unwelcome intrusion. Silence, free from distraction and alone before God, has a deep quality that transcends human activity and language. Some call it contemplation. Others speak of receiving a Gaze and learning to gaze in return. It’s different to meditation – reflecting on or thinking about – and more about practicing being and becoming present to the Presence. As I first arrived at the retreat centre itself, I was delighted to learn that I was the only person on site. A rich indulgence, I know, yet one that suited my need and temperament at the start of this New Year. It was snowing gently over white, frosted ground as I carried my bags into the room, aptly named the Hideaway, and it reminded me of C.S. Lewis’ Christian allegorical land of Narnia. I decided to use that as a starting place: to re-read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, interspersed with inspirations with insight and feeling from Fr. Iain Matthew's The Impact of God. The most challenging part for me was simply to be still. I sometimes found myself reaching for a TV control – if there had been a TV – and realised how often I use such media as ways of distracting myself from my own dark shadow, an existential sense of aloneness in this world. I wanted to face this, not to hide from it and, in Iain Matthew's words, ‘to feel my way to the place of my need. To go there, take it, name it and hold it before Christ…and to expose it to the rays of His love.’ I was seeking personal Presence in abstract absence, Light in darkness – God. I'm glad I did.  ‘I was a fugitive, taking risks with my life. I chose that.’ (Abbie Hoffman) Sometimes you have to just do it, bite the proverbial bullet and take a leap of faith. If you wait until all your ducks line up neatly in a row, you may miss the moment, miss an opportunity – or miss your life. This is a recurring theme that comes up in coaching conversations. How to move forward when the landscape is ambiguous or unclear? How to take a step into the future if you can’t foresee all the potential consequences? How to snap yourself out of procrastinating, a paralysis of analysis or an anxiety-driven need for control? In that vein, I watched Cabrini this week, the life story of a radical Italian nun who felt called by God to make a tangible difference in the lives of the poor. When challenged on her breath-taking plans and stark lack of related resources, the movie has Frances Cabrini saying: ‘Begin the mission and the means will come.’ Her attitude and actions were based on a grounded faith that God would provide for what was needed, and on an activist stance that meant taking the first step rather than waiting. (She was a lot like Jasmin in the Philippines). This assumes, of course, a sense of purpose, calling or mission. Clients are often unclear what that could be in their lives yet nevertheless experience a deep, existential sense of discontent, dissonance or yearning. It’s as if they have an intuitive sense of someone or something calling from within or beyond yet can't pin it down to a specific focus, stance or direction. Or, perhaps in some ways harder still, they are clear yet struggle to muster up the courage to do it. A clock is ticking. ‘Human life must be risked if it is to be won.’ (Jürgen Moltmann)  'We don't get to choose how we come into this world - but God gives the freedom to choose how we live in it.' (Frances Cabrini) The end of a year and start of a new one marks a transition point in the calendar and, at times, in our own lives too. It’s an opportunity to look back, re-evaluate, learn and make choices before casting our eyes forward to take next steps in a future direction. I find the best way I can do this is by taking time away from day-to-day distractions in silence, to sit before God and before myself, as if looking into a mirror long and hard to face whatever may surface into awareness. This kind of reflective examination sometimes helps me to avoid falling into repeating patterns of thought and action, often based more on habitual routines than on conscious decisions. Part of the challenge we may encounter is self-deception; made more difficult by subconscious projection (that is, framing others in ways that distort reality) and introjection (that is, framing ourselves in ways that distort reality). The subconscious part means we do it without being aware that we’re doing it. It’s a kind of fooling ourselves about fooling ourselves – a double bind, if you like. There’s a risk, on the one hand, that we believe what we want to believe – which is a way of defending ourselves from anxiety, confusion or stress – or, on the other, we believe what we fear most – which is a sign, driver and consequence of anxiety. And both without knowing it. So how can we get past this? I try a number of strategies. On the foundational hope, purpose and ethics front, I reflect prayerfully on the Bible and on other spiritual resources. On the professional development front, including to address my own hidden assumptions and risks of avoidance, I employ a talented coach who’s high in stimulus and in challenge. On the fresh thinking front, I network, read articles and write blogs to share and invite insights and ideas with and from others. On the international front, I work cross-culturally and, on occasion, visit other places and cultures. Taken as a whole, these approaches help me to stay, as well as I can, at the edge of my calling.  'Is coaching too dominated by a Western cultural paradigm? What could we do to make coaching more sensitive and appropriate to different cultures?' Nick Wright (UK) and Dr Smita Singh (India) offer their own reflections here: I (Nick) first began to ask myself these questions when I was invited to coach three women from different countries in South East Asia: Singapore, Myanmar and Indonesia. I noticed that, when I asked them questions that implied personal autonomy in decision-making, they often looked at me quizzically as if there were something strange in the questions. I was puzzled and didn’t understand what this meant until, later, when coaching a woman from the Philippines, she explained that the questions didn’t really make sense in their cultural contexts, where individual decisions are often subject to wider family and community decisions. She helped me to understand that personal autonomy is a Western cultural construct and assumption – a key difference between individual and collective cultures. This was a profound revelation to me. Since then, I’ve noticed other differences too when coaching cross-culturally with people in and from different parts of the world. The next most striking and recurring theme has been that of perceived authority in a relationship, and the implications of cultural authority in wider systems. In Western cultures like the UK, we tend to frame the coaching relationship as essentially egalitarian and, as coaches, we typically relate to those we are coaching with that stance. I’ve noticed through experience, however, that this approach can sometimes create discomfort, awkwardness or confusion when working with people from cultures in which higher power-distance relationships are the norm. I’ve learned, for instance, to accept that people in the Philippines will call me ‘Sir Nick’ – a sign of respect – in spite of how alien that feels for me. A third area, and the one I still struggle to get right, is direct (low context) vs indirect (high context) communication. Western coaches are often trained to ask short, incisive questions and to feed back concise, challenging reflections or responses. In some cultures, however, this style of relating can come across as blunt, disrespectful or rude. As I continue to think through and practice greater cross-cultural curiosity, awareness and competence in these areas, therefore, I’m learning to reframe, e.g. ‘What do you want to achieve?’ as, say, ‘What goals are important to you and the people who matter most in your life?’; ‘We are equals in this process’ as, ‘I’m here to support you in a way that best aligns with your values and traditions’; ‘What is holding you back?’ as, ‘What challenges do we need to address together as we move forward?’ I (Smita) agree that, as coaches, a contextual understanding is absolutely essential. Without it, it’s possible that we may fall prey to our default settings, or to our routine preferences in dealing with coachees. When working cross-culturally, I find it’s a good idea to do some homework beforehand, in exactly the way that consultants do before they engage in the first meeting with a client. This may give us some insight and understanding of cultural dimensions like those Nick has mentioned above, such as power distance and/or individuality versus collectivism. If we discover and use metaphors from the client’s culture or reflect the metaphors a client uses in their own language, it can also accelerate the relational rapport-, credibility- and trust-building processes. This will make it easier for the coach and client to work together smoothly. As an illustration, I noticed that, when I was writing my book on ‘Accelerated Action Learning’ with Nick and other UK specialists as contributors, I had to adopt a very straight forward and, what felt to me like formal, way of communicating. By contrast, when I talked with coaches in India or other Asian countries it was very different. Asian coaches preferred rapport-building and general chatting before starting with the coaching conversation itself. There are some similarities in the time management of coaching conversations too. Western coaches and coachees are often and ordinarily monochronic in their approach, for example with strict scheduling and punctuality as important values and behaviours whereas, by contract, coaches and coachees in and from Eastern cultures are typically polychronic in their approach, for example viewing interpersonal relationship and being present in the moment as important. At the bottom line, any winning coaching conversation will be client-centric. I find that, if we start from an appreciation of the coachee’s own cultural frame of reference, we will often achieve better outcomes. Social media and Artificial Intelligence (AI) can provide useful research resources in this area. I’ve created my own simple ‘DFS’ framework that proves useful when working with coachees. D is for Dive into the coachee’s culture and background before the first conversation; F is for Float with that insight and information when you meet, greet and work with the client; S is for Swim to help the client navigate through the labyrinth of their own thoughts, feelings and experiences as swiftly and effectively as possible. In my experience, this culturally-sensitive approach can build and sustain great relationships and outcomes. What do you think? We’d love to hear about your experiences, insights and ideas of working cross-culturally too! (Dr Smita Singh is a faculty member at IMT Nagpur Business School in India and is also a management consultant, coach and author.)  ‘None of this is about morality, or religion, or dogma, or big fancy questions of life after death. The capital-T Truth is about life before death. It is about making it to 30, or maybe 50, without wanting to shoot yourself in the head.’ (David Foster Wallace) The seagulls woke me with their loud cries. I couldn’t tell if they were singing or screaming. Perhaps it was both. Still, it's better than the bellowing bark of the neighbour’s dog that shatters the sleep, silence and solitude most days. There are no lights outside on my house. Only a single candle with a flickering flame inside: enough, I pray, to hold back the darkness. Tis the season to be jolly and yet, as the sun rose this morning, I felt more like Neil Young’s lonely boy: ‘Can't relate to joy, he tries to speak and…can't begin to say.’ I felt lost for words. Mindfulness won’t bring peace on Earth and no amount of positive psychology will shift the mood. I can’t fake a façade, a smile – and I refuse to do it. This is spiritual, existential. I listened to and felt Anna Robbins’ words: ‘So here it is. The incarnation of God...is not a sweet baby Jesus moment. It is light in the midst of the deeps; meaning in chaos; presence in isolation…(It) remembers his coming, celebrates his presence. and anticipates a future coming when all will be made well. Which means all is not well right now…in an uncertain world filled with conflict and disorientation.’ ‘If you don't feel excited about the usual preparations, there is nothing wrong with you…(and) if you feel out of sorts, it's because we all are, and you choose not to pretend anymore…Honesty about what a mess things are enable(s) us to receive the light of Christ as reality in which we participate, rather than simply offer our carols as spiritual whistling in the dark.’ That resonates. It feels for me like touching a fundamental reality, a rock bottom from which the only way is up. It’s deep and it matters. It’s only against the backdrop of darkness that the nativity, the coming of Jesus – Light of the world – makes sense. As I look around and see worldwide poverty, violence, oppression, corruption and injustice, that Light is hope.  ‘In the arrival of Jesus Christ, all ambiguities are swept aside. We are no longer alone, no longer without hope. God is with us.’ (Thomas Merton) Merry Christmas! |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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