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Tailspin

2/4/2021

18 Comments

 
Last week felt like a perfect storm, an unexpected convergence of pressures from all directions that left me reeling. Betsy Kolkea describes it as like having the tail shot off a plane in mid-flight; a sudden loss of control that sets us spinning downward at terrifying speed. I’m reminded me of the dramatic plane-falling-from-the-sky scene in the film Knight & Day, where Cameron Diaz asks Tom Cruise anxiously, ‘Are we going down?’, to which he replies with a grin, ‘It’s just a rapid descent.’

In that satirical moment, the character played by Cruise actually models an important principle in a sudden crisis: create a pause, no matter how brief, to breathe, reflect, weigh up options (and, for me, pray) – then decide and act. I heard a similar idea in a video this week, about how to survive a parachute jump if the parachute doesn’t open. The most important thing is not to panic (yeah right!) and to use the moments available, no matter how brief, to breathe, focus, scan options and choose.

This skill may indeed, of course, come a lot easier and more instinctively if we’ve had opportunity to practise and gain experience beforehand. There’s something about having already been through a challenge and survived, having been tested repeatedly under fire, that can develop a resilience and psychological adaptivity akin to muscle memory. It makes an auto-response possible in the midst of unexpected and extraordinary circumstances and, thereby, creates a vital moment-space to think.
​
When have you gone into a tailspin? What have you done to recover from a surprise nosedive, a crisis that came from nowhere and hit you out of left field? What can you do to help others caught in free fall?
18 Comments
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
2/4/2021 02:11:37 pm

Hello Nick I am sorry to hear you've experienced a tailspin. I find self compassion always helps me. Finding a quiet space helps too. Then l can think better what to do.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/4/2021 02:16:01 pm

Thank you, Stella. Simple as it sounds, I try consciously to take a moment to breathe deeply, pray, and, if time permits, go for a walk. I also find brief reflective writing useful, or conversation with a trusted friend or colleague, to help process my thoughts and feelings and to decide on an appropriate action or stance.

Reply
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
2/4/2021 02:22:11 pm

That makes good sense Nick. I have heard that starting with a long exhale and focusing on the breath helps us relax.

Nick Wright
3/4/2021 11:21:55 am

Thanks Stella. Yes, the Human Givens Institute posted an interesting short research piece in this area:
https://www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/resources-and-techniques/7-11-breathing-how-does-deep

I also once heard Richard Rohr comment that the Hebrew name for God in the Bible (YHWH) may be expressed as a breath-in and breath-out; thereby suggesting a potential relationship between breath and spirituality (cf Genesis 2:7).

Linda-Mary Edwards
13/4/2021 12:16:33 pm

Yes, big fan of Richard Rohr.

Nick Wright
13/4/2021 12:19:24 pm

Hi Linda. Yes, although I don't always agree with Richard theologically, I nevertheless find so many of his insights profoundly inspiring. My favourite book by Richard is 'The Naked Now' (2009).

Richard Simpson
3/4/2021 08:57:18 am

Hi Nick - your article reminded me of a concept called OODA - observe, orientate, decide, act - which emerged in the American military. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop. Matthew Syed's BBC Radio programme is good at explaining its strengths and weaknesses - briefly OODA is great in a crisis, not so good, or even positively harmful, as a regular modus operandus. Which chimes with your analogy of the tailspin. In my own coaching experience, helping clients in high pressured environments to create time and space between stimulus and action is one of the most helpful learning outcomes.

Reply
Nick Wright
3/4/2021 11:19:15 am

Hi Richard. Thank you for sharing the OODA concept. I hadn't heard of that before and found the Wiki article fascinating. Yes, it definitely resonates with the principle I outlined here. I was particularly drawn to the 'Orient' dimension and its resonances with insights at the heart of critical reflexivity and critical reflective practice. (I couldn't find a critique by Matthew Syed - do you have a link?)

I loved your final comment: 'helping clients in high pressured environments to create time and space between stimulus and action.' That definitely strikes a chord with my own coaching goals and approach too. It reminds me of Gerard Egan's emphasis on inserting an 'understand' phase between 'explore' and 'act' phases (similar to inserting the 2nd O between O and DA in the OODA model).

Reply
Richard Simpson
3/4/2021 01:33:20 pm

Hi Nick - thanks for your very generous reply. Here's a link to Matthew Syed's series Sideways:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p095yk1q

You will find the episode on OODA loops there.

And just a personal note on your article: Learning not to 'act out' my emotional response to stimuli has been something of a life saver for me. I was once trapped in a tailspin of trigger-response patterns that often made me miserable and dysfunctional. Learning to open a gap between trigger and response (the sacred second?) helped me develop some mastery over myself as well as over the triggering situation.

Nick Wright
4/4/2021 10:09:56 am

Hi Richard. Many thanks for sharing the link.

I like your expression, 'the sacred second'. It reminds me of Viktor Frankl: 'Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.'

In my experience, it's sometimes a lot easier said than done, especially if I'm very tired, anxious or stressed. That's where a grounding in prayer and deep values helps me - and learning to breathe!

Benoît Couture
12/4/2021 11:02:59 am

We are taught to enter and to deepen into God's rest.

Here's the main story of His shaking my ground, which was preceded and goes on with the tremors from His voice:
https://www.facebook.com/benoitctr/posts/10220886207043580

"" See that you do not refuse Him who speaks. For if they did not escape who refused Him who spoke on earth, much more shall we not escape if we turn away from Him who speaks from heaven, whose voice then shook the earth; but now He has promised, saying, “Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven.” Now this, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain. "" Heb 12: 25-27

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 11:07:49 am

Hi Benoît and thank you for sharing the link to your own powerful life story. In case of interest, I've shared a few of my own reflections on shaking, and experiences of being shaken, here:

*A Jolting Wake-up Call: https://www.nick-wright.com/a-jolting-wake-up-call.html
*A Radical Heart: https://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html
*Ripple Effects: https://www.nick-wright.com/ripple-effects.html

Reply
Benoît Couture
12/4/2021 12:32:05 pm

Wake-up call
Instead of thinking in terms of leaders, we need to think in terms of followers, for there is only one Leader Father with His Spirit Leading in the Lead-Christ of Oneness. The Lead is from congregating to assembling.
Communal intimacy with Father in Christ by Spirit produces Communal Sovereignty grounded in Spirit grown self-control.

A Radical Heart
Radical is the return to the roots.
The feminine is The Church, making of all humanity's spiritual reality to be feminine, because of the Groom.
Asia is blessed with being where the Holy Spirit is leading the Reformation to the threshold of His return with the House Church movement. Soon, the first 7 chapters of Acts shall shine again as the Lord pleases.

Ripple Effects
When the Lord first came to me, I did no know that it was Him Who had just transform me from inside out with the sweetest sense of being and living anyone could possibly hope for.
The Lord had answered my longing as I was listening to "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" repeated 3 times through Tommy from The Who album.
After reading Jonatan Livingston's The Seagull, I wrote my story by constructing an inner encounter between Tommy and The Seagull parallel to salvation received.

Nick Wright
12/4/2021 12:33:00 pm

Wow - so you had an encounter with the Seagull too? :)

E.G. (Ervin) Sebastian - CPC, CSL
13/4/2021 06:55:35 pm

The stories I could tell that made me loose my footing and felt like that crashing airplane... Some of those stories, though, would really mess up some people's perception of me... and to some would elevate me to new levels in their eyes...

I think when you truly live, these types of experiences will be part of the journey; and I'd like to tell you that most of the time I had the presence of the mind to do something smart... but in most cases I just spiraled till I slammed into the ground, then slowly rebuilt myself.

Fighter pilots, astronauts, etc., they train so they can think clearly when spinning at high speeds... most of us get into a dream-like state and lose control. A few times in my life, self-preservation kicked in and I reacted in a way that saved my life, but most times just crashed.

One day, sitting in the backyard by the fire pit, I'll retell some of the milder stories :)

Reply
Nick Wright
13/4/2021 07:04:53 pm

Hi Ervin. I always love the refreshing honesty in your responses! :) "I'd like to tell you that most of the time I had the presence of the mind to do something smart... but in most cases I just spiralled till I slammed into the ground, then slowly rebuilt myself." That has often been the case in my own life too.

I remember once, years ago, sitting in an African Pentecostal church. The preacher spoke of one of his closest colleagues: "I've never seen anyone fail so many times." Gasps of astonishment. "And I've never seen anyone try to many times." Looks of curiosity now. "And I've never seen anyone succeed so many times!!" Rapturous round of applause.

Winston Churchill: "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

I'd love to sit with you by a firepit to hear those stories!! :)

Reply
E.G. (Ervin) Sebastian - CPC, CSL
13/4/2021 07:51:31 pm

Nick, great story...
Though, I transcended that perception years ago - the perception of "failure." I don't believe in it. Though, some will say that "failure" is like God - it doesn't matter you believe in it or not, it just exists.

I try - climb cliffs with no ropes (knock on wood, never "spiraled" down from there... ok, yes, once, at 14, but my uncle plunged with me and held his hand under my head... lots of blood - he really freaked out. "luckily" it turned out the blood was from his hand... as he held my head, the back of his head hit a rock. Luckily we fell on grass and got away with some minorish bruises)...

I start businesses, I ride rough mountain bike trails, I used to try to date the most beautiful girls/women around me... and many many more things I try (well... if we go by Yoda's terminology - I "Do," not just "try") and at times I succeed and at times i don't. But each time I have fun with it. Each time I do it with passion and with my best.

I see no failures - just stepping stones to success.
(my 25 year marriage to my best friend; and my beautiful healthy kids are a testimonial to me doing something right; and the loss of my son... well, that did send me into a "spiral" - but God had way higher plans for him").

Nick Wright
13/4/2021 10:20:18 pm

Thanks Ervin. You a true adventurer. :) You reminded me of this short piece that you may remember too...although your life makes mine feel quite tame by comparison!! https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/sensible




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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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