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'The notion of choice lies at the epicentre of human experience.’ (Popova on Frankl)
The idea of choice, the ability to choose freely, lies at the heart of personal leadership. It can be profoundly liberating and empowering and, at the same time, carries with it genuine responsibility and accountability. It means that a person is an agent of his or her own experience, not merely a passive recipient. If I can choose, it means I have options. I can change things. I’m not fixed. Take, for instance, ‘I have to go to this meeting’ or, ‘I have to complete this report by Friday.’ This language reflects and influences a person’s psychological framing of a situation and emotional response to it. ‘I have to...’ suggests the person’s decisions and actions are being driven entirely by forces external to them. It’s as if there is only one course of action available – and no choice. Morgan says, ‘People have a knack for getting trapped in webs of their own creation.’ So try instead with active voice, ‘I’m going to choose to go to this meeting’ or, ‘I will choose to complete this report by Friday.’ It can feel like a shift in ownership, an injection of energy. Choices have consequences - yet the action, the feeling, of choosing can move a person or team from passivity to proactivity. In my experience, to raise awareness and stimulate personal leadership and choice, leaders, coaches, OD professionals and trainers can hold up mirrors and pose questions such as: ‘What words are you speaking to yourself?’, ‘What assumptions are you making?’, ‘Who or what is constraining you?’, ‘What are you willing to take responsibility for?’, ‘What are you willing to choose?’
62 Comments
Nicola Pynegar
9/5/2016 10:56:30 am
I love this, I am a true believer in the power of language, we are all able to change our view of reality, with just some simple changes. I've seen significant shifts as delegate replace disempowering language with empowering language in training sessions I've run. This just goes to show that by changing our language, we can move from playing the victim to having choices, from feeling powerless to being in control of our lives.
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 10:58:13 am
Many thanks, Nicola. Sounds great! I would love to hear more about how you have enabled delegates to shift from disempowering language to empowering language. Do you have any examples you could share? All the best. Nick
Thomas Henry Boehm
9/5/2016 11:26:17 am
Freewill vs. predestination?
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 11:26:37 am
Variations thereof.
Peter Davies
9/5/2016 01:35:28 pm
Interesting thought. My view is that you can go one step further and shift your thinking to one of impact. e.g. 'How am I going to deliver the best value at this meeting?' or 'How do I ensure that this report is easy to use and gives really clear recommendations?'
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 01:37:56 pm
Hi Peter. Great questions. Yes, there's something about personal ownership for influence/impact/results/outcomes etc that can build on a 'choosing' stance. All the best. Nick
Bob Gately
9/5/2016 01:39:02 pm
Nick, if there are contract deadlines, should we choose not to meet them?
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 01:42:58 pm
Hi Bob. Interesting question. To meet contracted deadlines would be a good reason to choose a certain course of action, unless of course other factors come into play that would mean, say, choosing to renegotiate deadlines in order to achieve a better outcome. The key point for me in this context is the sense and act of choosing rather than, say, being driven-by. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick
Bob Gately
9/5/2016 01:54:26 pm
Nick, yes. If it works for an employee it is much better than the employee choosing not to do their job.
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 01:58:57 pm
Hi Bob. Many choices we take have social and ethical implications. I don't believe that negates the act of choosing per se. It means we need to take consequences into account. If a person chooses not to do the work they are contracted to do, it may result in the same person choosing to leave their job and to do something that, say, better matches their interests, skills or other circumstances. It also may result in the employer or contractor choosing courses of action that result in, say, disciplinary or other measures. The act of choosing means that different parties act with greater awareness and, where interests coincide, can lead to more empowered actions than acting from a place of passivity or 'default'. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick
Bob Gately
9/5/2016 07:41:02 pm
Or, employers ought to hire for job talent which takes the guess work out of how employees will behave.
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 07:45:03 pm
Hmm...really? There are so many factors that influence human behaviour, including underlying beliefs, different environments, relational dynamics etc. This means that talented people may make very different choices in different circumstances. Dynamic complexity: makes life so much more interesting! ;) All the best. Nick
Bonnie Pope
9/5/2016 01:44:05 pm
The key word "you"........make sure that word is in on the question. What would you. ....... ? How would you. .......? It can pull answers from a personal space instead of an intellectual one.
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 01:46:30 pm
Hi Bonnie. That's a good point. There's something about the sense and act of choosing that brings a person into closer contact with themselves, their feelings and the action they are considering or doing. Emphasising the 'you' dimension can increase the contact too. All the best. Nick
Laura West
9/5/2016 07:46:19 pm
I so agree Nick! Language is incredibly powerful. And using our power of choice...is choosing to be a leader. I was thinking about this the other day when the car ahead of me paid for my meal. I thought "they choose to be a leader of kindness", no one was telling them to be a leader. We get to choose. How powerful!
Nick Wright
9/5/2016 07:50:54 pm
Hi Laura and thanks! I love the story you shared. A good friend calls this concrete 'acts of leadership' as distinct from something more abstract like generic competencies. I'm reading a book at the moment called 'The Way' by Puett & Gross-Loh (2016) which reflects a similar philosophy. Yes, there's something about 'choosing' with awareness that can feel very powerful indeed. All the best. Nick
Laura West
10/5/2016 12:47:50 pm
Love that...Concrete Acts of Leadership.
Fred Nickols, CPT
10/5/2016 12:48:43 pm
Good points, Nick.
Nick Wright
10/5/2016 12:49:11 pm
Thanks Fred. All the best. Nick
Fred Nickols, CPT
13/5/2016 02:44:31 pm
Nick: To my way of thinking, decisions are commitments to particular actions, thus I agree with you that "actions represent decisions." However, many if not most decisions are not made in a conscious, deliberate manner; instead, they are, as you say, reflected in actions. It is interesting to ask people who are embarking upon a course of action or in the middle of one, questions like these: "Why are you doing that? How did you settle on this course of action? What other options did you consider?" Dragging the factors affecting our choices out into the open often reveals goals, criteria and other factors related to the choices we make.
Nick Wright
13/5/2016 02:54:06 pm
Hi Fred and thanks for sharing such stimulating insights. Yes, I agree that many decisions we take are, in effect, intuitive or subconscious rather than rational and deliberate. We also sometimes rationalise our decisions and actions, e.g. to justify them to ourselves or to others.
Nick Shannon
10/5/2016 02:10:35 pm
I relate the sense of the capacity to "choose" described above to Robert Kegan's (1982) notion of "Self-authorship" i.e the stage of social-emotional development where an individual pursues his personal sense of self and values, irrespective of what others think. However coaches must be wary of implicitly imposing their own values and philosophy on clients, as this is the path to retard their development, reinforcing their client's "other dependency/socialized mind".
Nick Wright
10/5/2016 02:14:04 pm
Thanks Nick. I think you raise some really interesting and important issues. Coaches always work from an implicit if not explicit philosophy and values base. It's something about how to be authentic without imposing - which itself extends the opportunity for the client to exercise choice in who they work with as coach, on what issues and how. All the best. Nick
Terry Novak
12/5/2016 08:15:28 pm
Don't assume there is one and only one "right" answer or solution to a problem.
Nick Wright
12/5/2016 08:20:19 pm
Hi Terry and thanks for the note. Yes, it's possible for someone to become trapped in the idea that there is only one solution, or that only one answer is 'right'. The notion of 'choosing' I had in mind was more along the lines of recognising that actions represent decisions - and about raising awareness so that a person is more willing to take proactive ownership of those decisions. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick
Keletso Magano-Niebling
12/5/2016 08:22:48 pm
Yes!!
Nick Wright
12/5/2016 08:23:25 pm
Thanks Keletso!! :)
Mervyn Murray
12/5/2016 08:24:35 pm
Interesting post and insightful comments too. Language and our internal dialogue rarely feature in motivation at the team or individual level. Change the talk and you will change how you feel and change your performance .
Nick Wright
12/5/2016 08:26:06 pm
Hi Mervyn and thanks for the note. I'm curious. Do you mean, say, that language and internal dialogue rarely feature in motivation training..? All the best. Nick
Mervyn Murray
17/5/2016 06:50:40 pm
No, lol. What I think I meant was that Leaders don't address un-resourceful internal dialogue in individuals effectively. They "shut-it-down"....training should address this effectively through attitude and belief changes...
Patrick O'Brien
13/5/2016 08:52:49 am
Hi Nick. Thanks for your insights in your post and in the dialogue with Bob. It reminds me of the seminal (still highly pertinent) research that was done at Harvard more than 50 years ago by Litwin and Stringer. They found that leaders who were able to remain flexible, apply long-term styles (such as visionary, participative and coaching styles), and reserve autocratic leadership for "special circumstances" outperformed their peers. Not surprisingly their findings continue to be supported today - in research and practice.
Nick Wright
13/5/2016 08:56:13 am
Hi Patrick and thanks for your note. It sounds to me like the 'choosing' aspect in the approach you outlined is about choosing and applying different leadership styles in different circumstances. To choose in this way entails an awareness that there is a choice, that there are options and to make a decision based on awareness. That's very different to operating according to our own default style(s), whatever the circumstances. All the best. Nick
Derek McMullen, M.S.
13/5/2016 03:53:09 pm
Great comment Fred and thanks for the post Nick! Behavior is a choice. Going back to conditioning (operant more than classical), there is always a choice in the behavior someone engages in. Sure many stimuli and consequences can influence the decision in behavior, but conditioning wouldn't be so hard if people only had one choice. Once conditioning comes into play, it can be hard to extinguish any behavior or decision.
Nick Wright
13/5/2016 04:06:37 pm
Thanks Derek. You have introduced some very interesting and important points into this discussion. Without getting drawn into questions of free will vs determinism(!), I agree with you that a wide range of factors influence what choices we perceive as available to us and what we may choose to choose. At the same time, if we hold the idea of choosing in any given situation and learn to practise it, it's as if that itself can be enough to release us, energise us and increase our sense of ownership responsibility. All the best. Nick
Brent Barnacle
13/5/2016 07:41:33 pm
Great post, Nick. Positive psychology at its finest. The ability to choose how we approach situations can greatly impact the way we choose to show up. I can see how applying this in our everyday lives can positively impact our overall well-being. Looking forward to applying this! Thanks so much for sharing.
Nick Wright
13/5/2016 07:44:29 pm
Hi Brent and thank you for such affirming feedback. I like the way you expressed that: 'The ability to chose how we approach situations can greatly impact the way we choose to show up.' You may be interested to glance at this blog I posted today: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/positive Let me know if that resonates too? All the best. Nick
Esther Blanche Scheidler
18/5/2016 04:02:27 pm
Yes, thank you Brent - I agree.
Sara Pearson
13/5/2016 07:50:45 pm
I always pull on Latting and Ramsey's suggestions in their book Reframing Change. They suggest that if you reframe the way you think and make choices and decisions you open up your mind to greater alternatives and solutions. So rather than 'being in the answer' where you have basically decided for sure what choice you are going to make, you take a different approach 'being in the question'. Being in the question asks you to take your first thoughts as a hypothesis rather than a statement of truth. They say this approach takes more work and humility but it opens up your own perceptual filters and let's you see, think and feel alternatives as well as testing assumptions. In simple terms viewing a situation with fresh eyes. Testing your choices is simply about asking yourself questions such as: what if the other person is right? Is my perception of the situation correct? Are there any cultural differences that are affecting the situation that I am unaware of? Are my emotional reactions hindering me from seeing other possibilities? What if there is another explanation? What if.... Is a powerful analogy in business.
Nick Wright
13/5/2016 07:53:57 pm
Hi Sarah and thanks for the note. 'Reframing Change' sounds like an interesting and useful book. I'll check it out. Thanks for the mention. I really like the idea of 'being in the question'. It has some resonances with a previous blog I wrote on a similar theme: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-noticing Let me know if that resonates for you too? All the best. Nick
Sara Pearson
14/5/2016 12:21:53 pm
Hi Nick, first of all, thank you for sharing your blog, it most certainly resonates with 'being in the question' theory.
Nick Wright
14/5/2016 12:29:47 pm
Hi Sara and thanks for sharing further useful insights. I would perhaps reframe the issue so that, instead of a person saying, 'I don't understand' or 'I'm not sure how my work contributes', to enable them to own and exercise greater personal leadership. This could entail, for instance, 'I don't understand so I'm going to take steps to ensure I do understand' and 'I'm not sure so I'm going to take steps to find out.' This philosophy and approach can shift organisational culture from passivity to coactivity and from top-down leadership to distributed leadership. It means that leaders add value by adopting a coaching approach and by modelling, supporting and affirming the desired culture. All the best. Nick
Esther Blanche Scheidler
14/5/2016 12:16:45 pm
To open up new ways of thinking is the best aspect in working as a coach- and of course I have to do it for myself as well.
Nick Wright
14/5/2016 12:20:03 pm
Hi Esther. Yes, and sometimes the new way of thinking is about recognising that we and others are exercising choice - especially where we or others hadn't realised it before - and, thereby, opening up fresh options for the future. All the best. Nick
Mike Duffy
16/5/2016 09:33:47 am
Teaching positive language choice is a neurolinguistic approach that dates back 35 years(?). "I" messages practiced, and actively used helps many entrepreneurs today. By modeling this in teaching/coaching and consulting will bring you and your clients great results.
Nick Wright
16/5/2016 09:35:01 am
Thanks Mike. There are resonances with Gestalt too: using 'I' language to bring the client into closer contact with their own experience and choices. It's a simple shift that can have a powerful effect. All the best. Nick
Rachel Sailar
16/5/2016 02:01:35 pm
I'm particularly fond of the accountability for choice and the power that comes with it. "what are you willing to choose?" - thanks for posting.
Nick Wright
16/5/2016 02:03:25 pm
Thanks Rachel. 'What are you willing to choose?' What a great question! All the best. Nick
Steve Kopp
16/5/2016 03:33:15 pm
For someone stuck who feels there are no choices, another question that I find helpful- "Who do you know in your life who might make a different choice?" And once we're out of a 'no choice' mentality, invite the person to explore their own options. Like shifting language, sometimes briefly shifting perspective/role shows us which door is unlocked.
Nick Wright
16/5/2016 03:35:24 pm
Hi Steve and thanks for the note. Yes, asking questions from a different place like that can open up new options. It's something for me about recognising that we are making choices - as well as choosing between options. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick
David A. Ruch MDiv MA
17/5/2016 08:29:34 am
I know that some of the stuckness we and or any of our clients feel can sometimes be motivated out of our DNA so to speak. When we begin to look as behaviors and mindsets and even language choice from the perspective of natural motivations we can easily see that people trap themselves by the manifestation of their own gifts. Some unaware of the choice because the gift is so innate. So for example, if I am hard wired to be motivated to meet needs if I don't recognize I do this I will always feel the desire or motivation to meet needs and potentially not feel as if I have a choice. I may be conflicted but not have the same freedom to walk away as the person who is not motivated to do this. Whenever we talk about choice of course we ultimately know can choose but often it is not clear when we are naturally motivated to do what we do but have not learned to master ourselves.
Nick Wright
17/5/2016 08:35:04 am
Hi David and thanks for sharing such interesting thoughts. The notion of motivation and how it influences our sense of choosing reminded me of temptation. It's easy to walk away from someone or something that I don't feel drawn towards; far harder to do so if I do. What that makes me think about is how some choices are harder to follow through on than others, depending on what we are motivated towards of away from. All the best. Nick
Tiny van Driel
17/5/2016 08:30:32 am
Many of my clients are able to make choices as long as their mind and options are concerned. Many tend to give up their freedom of choice as soon as they feel compelled by an inner feeling. Once feelings are involved they give up. I found it very helpful to ask them as we are speaking 'suppose some strange person would right now break into our conversation, take your hand and tell you to follow him... Would you?' Usually they get the point and start smiling. No of course I would not! Just imagine! Ok and now a feeling that you don't know and did not ask for comes barging in and you follow without asking questions? It's not that they immediately are healed, but eyes are opened to choice.
Rachel Sailar
17/5/2016 08:31:25 am
I absolutely agree with Tiny van Driel... Feelings and emotion make things hard! But that's where the results are. Mind, thought and logic are the easy things to account for. Many people have a hard time coming to terms with how their beliefs and feelings are a choice as well. (I know that I did) It's a hard truth and a very difficult task, but if one can change their beliefs about what they want, have, deserve, are worth, etc... their thoughts will reflect this new paradigm. New beliefs lead to new thoughts which lead to new behavior, and on and on into a new reality of their own design and ultimate choice. For example, genuine gratitude in the present circumstance can change an emotion of lack or jealousy into open-ness to find new things to be grateful for.
Nick Wright
17/5/2016 08:55:17 am
I agree with you, Rachael. If we change our beliefs, this can lead to a change in thoughts and a change in behaviour. That is the essence of a cognitive-behavioural approach. I also agree with you that engaging with emotional experience is often where transformation beyond change occurs. This is where I find insights and ideas from Gestalt stimulating and useful. For instance, we can shift the C-B pattern by creating experiments where a change in behaviour (or experience) creates a shift in thoughts which, in turn, creates a shift in beliefs. I use this approach a lot when working with, say, dysfunctional teams. If people experience a positive change, it can create a powerful dynamic to move towards achieving and sustaining it which is and feels very different to rational assent to an intellectual or abstract proposition. This could look like, for instance, imagining then enacting a great team meeting then reflecting on it. Participants become more aware of the choices available to them and are more likely to choose new patterns of behaviour once they have experienced the difference. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick
Nick Wright
17/5/2016 08:42:46 am
Hi Tiny and thanks for posting such stimulating reflections. Yes, I agree. Our emotions can create a visceral effect that feels physical. The draw towards or away from someone or something can feel so powerful that to resist it feels exhausting, beyond us so achieve - hence the giving up. It can feel almost like there is no choice, or that our sense of choosing is somehow overwhelmed by it and rendered powerless. As you say, that's a very different experience to a purely rational/intellectual act of choosing between alternatives. It sounds like the technique you use enables a person to snap out off the emotional push/pull 'magnetic' state, or at least enough so to see what is happening and to make choices from that place? All the best. Nick
Annette Day
18/5/2016 10:42:40 pm
I've recently been experiencing choice hyper sensitivity after attending a very influential training course!
Nick Wright
22/5/2016 03:10:30 pm
Thanks for such an honest response, Annette. Yes, there's something about raising our awareness of making choices that can feel very freeing and empowering. Jean Paul Sartre, French philosopher, saw a downside to this too: 'We are condemned to be free'. If we are to continually face making choices with the sense of responsibility that that entails, it can feel like a burden too. An interesting paradox! All the best. Nick
Diana Wood M.Ed., Counseling
22/5/2016 03:20:24 pm
Another belief that stifles choice is perfectionism. I talk to clients who are afraid to think about other options because they might fail or displease family, friends or colleagues. They limit themselves to what others will like rather than what they want or think is best. I often ask them what they would do or try doing if they didn't feel compelled to worry about what everyone else thought. Just being willing to consider that in a coaching session, is often the first step towards change.
Nick Wright
22/5/2016 03:23:25 pm
Thanks Diana. It sounds like the clients are aware that they have a choice, but are influenced in what they choose by other factors, in this case perfectionism and the perceived consequences of 'faliure'. Have I understood that correctly? I like the questions you pose. It sounds like it increases their sense of choice as well as, potentially, opens up alternative choices for them. All the best. Nick
Diana Wood M.Ed., Counseling
23/5/2016 08:11:47 pm
Nick, sometimes I don't think they are aware. They've convinced themselves that what makes them happy is to play it safe and avoid disappointing other people. There's less chance of making mistakes. They are aware, however, of an underlying resentment or a feeling that there's something more. Just being able to voice those feelings I think is what often moves them forward. So simple huh. I look forward to reading future posts. Diana
Judith Fine-Sarchielli
24/5/2016 09:48:37 am
Nick, thanks for the interesting topic. I teach my clients about the difference between emotions and feelings. One can always be safe if they follow their feelings, even if it is scary. Our feelings are our connection to our soul and 95% of what we think and feel is subconscious. We only function with 5% consciousness, and emotional reactions are rarely trustworthy.
Nick Wright
24/5/2016 09:56:20 am
Hi Judith and thanks for posting such a stimulating response!! I would love to hear more about how you distinguish between emotions and feelings. I often use 'feeling' language to express physical sensation or intuition - which may or may not be experienced emotionally. Leave a Reply. |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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