‘To the existentialist, life is like a small child, lost and alone in a deep, dark forest. And the child means nothing to the forest.’ (Peter Hicks) Hicks’ bleak depiction of the human condition, of an unresolvable existential angst that we face and experience as we find ourselves thrown into this world, is a despairing vision of life without hope. It reflects vividly Jürgen Moltmann’s view that ‘hell is hopelessness’. Yannick Jacob comments that, ‘there is a way to live without this anxiety, at least temporarily, by deceiving ourselves, by closing our eyes to some of the realities of our existence.’ It’s as if we can numb the pain, make ourselves feel better for a time, by distracting ourselves, or drugging ourselves, to feel safer and more alive. This is, perhaps, a deep root cause of addictive behaviours, of aligning ourselves with extreme positions, of engaging in some forms of extreme sports or of taking medication that seeks to dampen our too-painful-to-handle thoughts and feelings. Instead of being willing to pause, pray and peel back the curtains to reveal what may lay behind our personal and cultural actions and routines, we grip and hold them tightly shut. Over a lifetime, we glue them, stitch them and tape them together. We build barricades to support them, reinforce them and hide them, even to ourselves. Out of sight, out of mind. At least for a while. Sooner or later, we may inadvertently catch a glimpse, experience an unnerving feeling, find ourselves fighting, falling or failing as the walls creak, crack and start to crumble down. It could be sparked by an accident, a break-up, a failed promotion, an illness, a mid-life crisis, a war. Our defences are weakened, no longer able to withstand the swirling, turbulent pressures that have built up behind them. It’s as if suddenly, as if by a flash of lightning, everything is revealed. Our self-assured confidence collapses and, perhaps for the first time, we experience terrifying vulnerability. This is the existential backdrop to the Christmas story: an intensely dark crisis that can’t be resolved with a quick-fix solution. For followers of Jesus, it’s a piercing and dazzling hope-filled account of a profoundly transformational encounter between God and humanity, where God takes the first step and enters our reality. When the Bible says ‘Light shines in darkness’, we catch a glimpse of radiant light, life and love now made possible. Whatever your experience as a coach, whatever the experience of your clients in 2021 – let’s face truth gently, with courage and humility – and make hope real.
14 Comments
Nick Wright
18/12/2020 09:29:17 am
Hi Yannick - you're welcome, and I wish you well too. I'm reading your book, 'An Introduction to Existential Coaching' (2019) at the moment and finding it very stimulating.
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Gwen Griffith
17/12/2020 11:32:31 pm
Nick - This is great!! Thank you! Merry Christmas.
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Nick Wright
17/12/2020 11:33:50 pm
Thanks Gwen! I hope you have a relaxing and refreshing Christmas too.
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Stella Goddard
18/12/2020 08:38:31 am
A profound piece Nick, with many layers - sometimes the truth is too much. Faced with trauma, no possibility of escape we may indeed deny, numb, avoid - perhaps consciously or even unconsciously. My sense is that there is only so much that we as human beings can bear or process. We process as we are able, as circumstances and our environment allow. Shutting down is sometimes a survival strategy. This has been a dark year but light always follows darkness and it is possible to find light even in the darkness. The question is what is the source of that light?
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Nick Wright
18/12/2020 10:06:28 am
Thank you, Stella - and for sharing such profound reflections in response. I can relate to much of what you describe here. In my late teenage years, I experienced a deep trauma that left me emotionally beaten, bruised and bleeding inside. I felt in total, painful and hopeless darkness where I could perceive only a tiniest pinprick of light.
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Stella Goddard
18/12/2020 10:35:36 am
Thank you Nick for sharing your trauma - beaten, bruised, bleeding inside. I am so sorry to hear about that - so profound to hear about the 'tiniest pinprick of light' which became 'dazzling' Truly we have many wounds, inside and out and scars, inside and out. It is from our healing that we share with others our testimony of who the light is.
Nick Wright
18/12/2020 11:29:38 am
Thank you, Stella. Yes, it’s sometimes our own lived experiences that enable us to empathise with others.
Sue Heatherington
18/12/2020 09:27:06 am
#choosehope - thanks for the reflection Nick 🌿
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Nick Wright
18/12/2020 10:10:03 am
Thanks Sue. #choosehope. I like that. 😃
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18/12/2020 10:28:33 am
Very pertinent piece Nick especially when we all so desperately need hope in such turbulent and worrying times.
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Nick Wright
18/12/2020 11:27:21 am
Thank you, Sharon. You may find some of the insights and ideas in this related piece interesting, including in the conversations that follow under it? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/existential-coaching
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Berit Ladefoged
20/12/2020 02:43:49 pm
Thank you for a great post, Nick – that is the best – lets make it real – good mindset.
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Nick Wright
20/12/2020 02:45:21 pm
Thank you for your warm encouragement, Berit and yes, indeed! Have a wonderful Christmas too, filled with light, love and hope.
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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