NICK WRIGHT
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Hide and seek

25/5/2018

14 Comments

 
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‘Come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real.’ (Susan Scott)

Hiding for fear of discovery is an archetypal characteristic of human beings. Think back to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Think too to an ex-colleague of mine who, employed as a police officer, donned his uniform every day and – strange as it may sound – spent his time impersonating a police officer. John Powell reflected this phenomenon well in his classic book, ‘Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?’ It’s very often about fear of exposure, risk of rejection…imposter syndrome.

There are, of course, at times good reasons to hide. I think, for instance, of criminals on the other side of the law who attempted last night to evade the blinding glare of a police helicopter searchlight outside a friend’s house. It was a dramatic scene, accompanied by the throbbing and deep reverberation of chopper blades overhead. We could think of such hiding as a rational and practical act – at least in the sense that it relates to a realistic prospect of arrest and imprisonment if caught.

Yet we may find ourselves hiding for all kinds of other reasons too. Hiding often manifests itself in relationships and at work in subtle avoidance strategies. We may rationalise our hiding by telling ourselves that we can’t tackle a tricky person, a difficult issue, a daunting conversation, because we’re too busy, it’s not our job, they wouldn’t listen or it could make things even worse. In doing so, we may deprive ourselves and others of invaluable talent, trust, possibility – and hope.

​Stepping out takes courage with humility, challenge with support. When have you stepped out from behind yourself and made it real? When have you enabled others to step out too?
14 Comments
Vicky Ross
31/5/2018 11:07:51 am

Great post Nick, thanks.

Reply
Nick Wright
31/5/2018 11:08:17 am

Thanks for the encouraging feedback, Vicky. :)

Reply
Clifford Morgan
31/5/2018 11:08:49 am

You've identified an important step for leaders to build trust with their team. Thanks Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
31/5/2018 11:13:59 am

Thanks Clifford. I think it can be a tricky one in practice, especially when leading in 'VUCA' environments. As one senior leader expressed it to me yesterday: how to be authentic, transparent, real...when sometimes what people are really looking for is clarity, certainty and reassurance. What do you think?

Reply
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
31/5/2018 11:15:22 am

Another excellent article Nick. I used to hide a lot behind other people. I did not want to be seen. I am intrigued by the extroverts on LinkedIn who make sure they are seen. Being on LinkedIn l imagine we do want to be seen. I let myself be seen on this forum by writing articles and commenting on articles written by other people.

Some further thoughts. I help others to value themselves and their intrinsic worth. All too often l find that people have lost their voice or believe erroneously that they have nothing of interest to say and that no one would listen if they did speak.

Reply
Nick Wright
31/5/2018 11:24:36 am

Thanks (again) for such heartwarming feedback, Stella.

I'm glad that you choose to allow yourself to be seen by e.g. writing and responding in the public domain, e.g. via social media. You always contribute with honesty and valuable insight - and that makes you, your experiences and your ideas accessible to others.

I agree that some people believe they have nothing to say that would be of interest or value to others. I once mentored an experienced trainer who wanted to write an article but couldn't believe anyone would be interested to publish her thoughts.

When, subsequently, she had her first article accepted for publication, she was absolutely delighted! I gave her a bottle of champagne to celebrate. She stepped out from behind herself and, as a result, helped others by the insights and ideas she shared.

Reply
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
1/6/2018 10:08:10 am

Bless you for that Nick. You are a great encourager. I loved the story you shared. I can imagine the delight on your client's face. Isn't it wonderful to see people grow and develop. That's why it is so important that we are willing to be teachable so that we also grow and develop whatever stage of life we are at. There is a real ripple effect, sometimes more than we know or realise. It amazes me how this is possible even in virtual relationships.

Nick Wright
1/6/2018 10:09:45 am

Thanks Stella. I'm a great believer in ripple effects too. It resonates well with insights from psychodynamics and systemics.

Ainsley Moir
31/5/2018 11:26:16 am

I completely agree! It's time to stop making excuses.

Reply
Nick Wright
31/5/2018 11:26:58 am

Thanks Ainsley! Do you have any examples from personal experience you could share here?

Reply
Dianne Lipsey
31/5/2018 12:24:51 pm

Nick -- I love the question and the implied challenge to us as coaches. I also wonder -- do we always know when we are hiding? What are the signs we can watch for? For me, I can feel it as sort of a know between my stomach and my throat. There's something I want to say I'm not saying.

Reply
Nick Wright
31/5/2018 12:34:51 pm

Hi Dianne. I love your questions too: Do we always know when we are hiding? What are the signs we can watch for? I also tend to experience the signs of hiding physiologically - e.g. tension in my throat, stomach or the back of my neck - and I am learning to notice them more in the moment rather than on reflection in retrospect. I find the throat aspect particularly interesting. Sometimes, it feels almost like I can't speak. It can be useful as a signal - e.g. vis a vis who or what is unspoken here; what needs to be spoken but can't find a voice; who or what is preventing me from speaking etc.

Reply
Cátia da Graça Effertz
11/1/2019 11:34:52 am

Such a great post. I think you were thinking of me when you wrote it 😂.That monster fear that we could use as friend instead! A healthy one to stop is from falling from the 8th floor, for example. And that should be his role, not to take our lifes...it should...Thank you for sharing with us this amazing reflection.

Reply
Nick Wright
11/1/2019 11:40:52 am

Thanks Cátia - and for such honest and personal reflections. Yes, it's as if a fear response that is intended to keep us safe from harm can take over and rob us of our lives. I really like the way you expressed that. :)

Reply



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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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