Fake mews

6/6/2020

‘I don’t believe in riches, but you should see where I live.’ (U2)

My house is made of cardboard. It’s called a new-build, but the ‘build’ bit has to be taken with a very large pinch of salt. If you cough outside, the walls shake. Cold air howls through the double-glazing, conveniently blowing the dust off the curtains. Cracks decorate the walls and door frames in elegant postmodern style and the slightest of sounds travels through everything. The builders on-site blare out music daily, with a thumping bass so loud that many nightclubs would envy it.

They drive heavy machinery persistently so very close to the house that everything – and I mean, everything – shudders. The room lights flash on and off like a delinquent strobe as they go past. My alarm clock travelled 18cm across the window ledge and turned to face the opposite direction. ‘It’s just the house settling; nothing to worry about.’ There are tyre tracks across my front lawn. The workers are completely and utterly impervious to feedback, as if specially trained to not-hear.

Best and worst of all, there are ‘Considerate Constructors Scheme’ posters displayed (or ripped down by angry locals) all over the site. If you ask me, that’s the rich icing on the metaphorical moving-in cake. It makes a painfully ironic joke out of corporate core values. As I heard one brand expert say, ‘If you don’t live out your values, they’re not worth a flying f***’. I might have said, ‘…the paper they’re written on’, but hey – she might have had a rough time with builders too.

Here’s the thing: Values matter. They’re about truth, integrity and trust. Bottom line: Make it real. Actions speak louder than intentions or words.

Do you need help with discovering, creating or living your core values?
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16 Comments

Jane Holliday

6/6/2020 04:20:44 pm

Sadly what people advertise about is so often rubbish. Sounds good , until you get the the reality and disregard for others. Money talks.

Nick Wright

6/6/2020 07:10:24 pm

Hi Jane. It sounds like you are speaking from bitter experience. You reminded me of Tom Peters' principle: 'under-promise, over-deliver.' Far better than 'over-promise, under-deliver.' It's about managing expectations...and trust. Here's a short summary article on that theme in case of interest? https://tompeters.com/columns/under-promise-over-deliver/

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

6/6/2020 07:12:14 pm

So here's the thing Nick - Words are a creative force - so what are we creating with our words and where do they come from? Also what expectations are we creating when we speak and also what do people expect when/if they listen to/hear us?

So you write - 'My house is made of cardboard' - So I hear that as 'Nick lives in a cardboard box,' Misread -misunderstood - expectation that Nick doesn't actually live in a cardboard box so what he is saying/what am I hearing/assuming???

So if a builder says 'I will build you a house' Expectations are 'You will pay me and I will build what I promised.' There are some things which are assumptions - no draughty windows, no shaking walls etc.

Do we deliver what we promised with integrity or not. If not why not?

6/6/2020 07:26:38 pm

Hi Stella. Interesting thoughts. Yes, words are creative. They influence, not simply convey. The meanings we associate with them are personally, culturally and historically constructed. Nothing is neutral. To speak is to act.

'My house is made of cardboard' is a literary device: hyperbole. I was tempted to say 'My house is made of Weetabix' (which may be closer to the truth) but I imagined that may be a meaningless word for people living in different contexts and cultures to my own.

'Nick lives in a cardboard box' made me smile. It reminded me of the brilliant Monty Python 'You were lucky' sketch. Do you know it? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k

I agree with you about assumptions and expectations. My ideas of 'reasonable build' and 'reasonable behaviour' could be quite different to those held by the construction firm, workers or regulatory conduct authorities. We could be operating from different values bases.

Do we deliver with integrity? I hope so. I have to search myself from time to time and invite honest critique. How well am I living up to my own espoused values and, if not, why not? Beliefs and values matter. They are the basis for everything that matters most in life.

Jackie Le Fevre

7/6/2020 11:01:30 am

First up - I love the Four Yorkshire Men sketch by Monty Python and later reimagined by a dream team of Alan Rickman, Eddie Izzard, Vic Reeves, Harry Enfield (both well wroth watching repeatedly)......and that writing as a great (funny) illustration of perspective taking and meaning making.

Like you Nick I have had my fill of core values on posters and coasters, lanyards and mousemats, which bear no relation to lived experience which prompted me to write this blog for an internal communications specialist https://www.allthingsic.com/are-the-words-on-the-wall-your-values/

Values do matter and they are present in whatever is unfolding. It appears from the outside that the builders value a level of autonomy over their working conditions (music and driving on lawns) higher than perhaps craft/quality or social equilibrium. Our challenge is two fold I think. Values in their natural state are unconscious abstract emotionally rich constructs - ideas which we 'feel' not 'think' - and they are not semantic, not coded up in language so the first challenge is to surface them from there and wrap some words around those ideas to make them concrete. Having done that our second challenge is one of meaning - I suspect for example that both you and I would have 'empathy' somewhere in our values hierarchy however if asked to explain what we mean by that would use different words and different illustrations to convey our meaning. So any organisation that wants to nail its core values to the wall needs to go much further than settling on a list of words that work on posters and coasters, they have to have shared meaning as that where aligned decisions and actions spring from.

7/6/2020 04:09:44 pm

Thank you, Jackie. I haven't seen the re-imagined version of the Four Yorkshire Men sketch. I'll look it up! I come from North Yorkshire originally so it has a particular cultural resonance for me. :)

Thank you, too, for sharing the link to the internal communications piece. On reading it, it reminded me of an OD innovations network meeting I once took part in. The theme was 'organisational values' and it was quite shocking and disheartening to hear the degree of disappointment, frustration and cynicism in the room. So much disillusionment and so many hopes dashed.

I shared, by contrast, some work we had done at World Vision to surface tacit values, to find ways to express them without complex linguistic exercises and to live them out: 'more of, more of the time'. As you explain (in so much more erudite terms than me!), values are often felt and experienced intuitively, at gut level, emotionally rather than as abstract rational concepts. Attempts to codify them often dampen or kill their spirit.

One person in the meeting who listened to what I shared of our work in this area became quite tearful and asked if he could visit, to experience what I was describing for himself. He did so. It was a powerful encounter and it taught me a great deal about the impact of lived-values, as distinct from espoused values on posters.

It influenced, too, the work I led at Action on Hearing Loss on surfacing, developing and reinforcing organisational values there too - with your great help! Similar to at World Vision, we used an appreciative inquiry (AI) approach to share 'at our best' stories - both lived and aspirational - and again moved onto conversations about 'more of, more of the time'. Living the dream.

This type of organic and emergent approach could not be more different, in my experience, to values dreamed up in corporate board rooms and 'sold' to staff through complex communication processes. The latter can feel cold and imposed and can create resistance and resentment, even if the content of the 'values' themselves are perceived as OK.

A question I often pose is: What does people's response (whatever it is) tell us about what really matters to them (i.e. what they value) ...and how can we check this out with them...and work with it/them to achieve a desired change?

Rezina Ahmed

7/6/2020 12:50:19 pm

True corporate companies need to exercise humility and social responsibility, they are so focused on the bottom line, they forget about integrity, responsibility and values.

7/6/2020 04:16:57 pm

Hi Rezina. Yes indeed. I think this is where tools such as Balanced Scorecards can be useful and important, broadening the scope of what business leaders may focus on by default. This could include social purpose, values and impact alongside a more explicit financial focus. How and why such leaders and organisations may develop, implement, monitor and evaluate social dimensions is a deeper question; which again focuses importantly on true values.

Katharine Lam

7/6/2020 01:24:16 pm

"real core values" thanks Nick these few words at the end of your blog reminded me of an exercise done recently with a coach as part of a course (Praxis Lab- https://praxiscentre.org/labs/). Anna Boocock (Connect2 Coaching- www.connect2coaching.org) used an acronym REAL in our session around core values.
Reflect (your place in God's story, it's my story)
Explore (identify what matters to me)
Align (know my core values)
Live (how do I intend to live now that I know what my real core values are?)
It was a good exercise and I'm still processing and developing my 5 core values which will inform a quarter of the reflections at the end of the course (with connections between them), the others being:
My current activism
How am I learning to love
What is God giving me hope for
Companies etc. are made up of individuals so it's important that we as individuals live out our core values (where ever we are) and align ourselves to/work for companies that share our values

7/6/2020 04:27:00 pm

Thank you, Katharine, for sharing from personal learning and experience. I haven't encountered the REAL model before and I'm interested to see its explicit spirituality dimension. I believe that spirituality, beliefs, ethics and values are closely interlinked. Some people and organisations may feel more comfortable to substitute 'spirituality' with other existential dimensions, e.g. purpose or meaning.

I think your final comment raises some really interesting and important questions and decisions, both for individuals and organisations. How far do I choose to work with groups or organisations that already share my own values (or something close to them), or how far might I choose to work in environments that hold different values to my own - perhaps in order to learn from them and/or influence them?

I had a fascinating experience some years ago when, as a follower of Jesus, I was invited to work in a team of fairly ferocious secular humanists. The organisation had an explicit social purpose (helping long-term unemployed people back into work) and, although we had some strong disagreements about our different beliefs, we shared a profound connection in terms of our underlying values.

Kerry Edmond

7/6/2020 01:50:50 pm

You manage to make the most serious things funny! I hope it all settles down soon so you can get back home and enjoy it.

7/6/2020 04:30:22 pm

Thanks Kerry. I wonder, on reflection, if writing the account in humorous terms (at least, that I hoped readers would find funny!) was also a therapeutic tool (coping technique) to help me survive the experience...!

Felicity O'Hanlon

7/6/2020 09:27:12 pm

Yes it is hard to live by your values and be an example. So much easier to criticise others. It is such an imperfect world (the man made one) we can always find things wrong and people wanting but what are we doing about the wrong or less than perfect in our own lives? In the end that is all we really have control over. Takes faith to be a living example, especially when no one seems to notice. Best

7/6/2020 10:20:07 pm

Hi Felicity. Thank you for posing such a fair and healthy challenge! Yes, it's very hard to live consistently according to my own values. I fall and fail in so many ways. You reminded me of Jesus posing a similar challenge to his hearers in Matthew's gospel in the Bible:

"Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults - unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbour."

At the same time, I do think it's right to challenge inconsistencies between stated values and actual behaviour, especially when it is impacting negatively on people, groups and communities. You remind me that I need to approach any such tensions or conflicts in the right spirit: with appropriate humility, empathy and humanity.

8/6/2020 08:46:02 am

Absolutely Nick, as balanced and as fair as ever. Of course we should speak up when things are wrong. My stance taken to the extreme would result in no confrontation, no hard debate or negotiation which is important to bring about change. As we recently witnessed the very vocal response to Dominic Cummings' behaviour from a society that on the whole was doing the right thing because he broke rules, displayed double standards and was arrogant and unrepentant to boot. His behaviour was callous in the light of other families' distressing sacrifices. This disregard for values and principles which were there to protect the wellbeing of all should definitely have been challenged. And in cases like these I would think it is completely appropriate to replace humility with righteous anger and indignation in order to uphold those values.

8/6/2020 10:24:03 am

Thanks Felicity. Yes, we appear absolutely unwilling to tolerate hypocrisy in public figures (e.g. politicians, celebrities, leaders), whereas we may well be willing to tolerate it in our own lives - albeit without using that word to describe it. At times, we expect perfection from public figures, forgetting that they too are human beings with all the strengths and frailties that that implies.

So therein lies a challenge: to acknowledge the disproportionate influence and impact that public figures have on the public life and, therefore, to expect and demand high ethical standards of behaviour from them; whilst, at the same time, to recognise that, beneath the pedestals that we may place them on, they too are human.

I have worked with senior leaders in charities and non-governmental organisations that have felt severely pressured by the persistent weight of high expectation placed on them by others as well as, often, by themselves. I'm reminded of Joyce Huggett's words: 'To expect perfection from someone is to crush them.' There's something here about support and challenge; grace and truth.

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