NICK WRIGHT
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Diving deep in the coaching pool

1/11/2013

64 Comments

 

​What is real, what is true, how can we know? These are questions that have vexed philosophers for centuries. In more recent times, we have seen an increasing convergence between philosophy and psychology in fields such as social constructionism and existential therapy. How we experience and make sense of being, meaning and purpose is inextricably linked to how we behave, what we choose and what stance we take in the world. 

As a Christian and psychological coach, I’m intrigued by how these fundamental issues, perspectives and actions intertwine with my beliefs, spirituality and practice. Descartes once wrote, ‘If you would be a real seeker after truth, you must at least once in your life doubt, as far as possible, all things.’ It’s as if we must be prepared to suspend all assumptions about ‘what is’, to explore all possibilities and dare to think the unthinkable in order to grow and make our best contribution.

Things are not always as they at first appear. There are sometimes multiple explanations for the same phenomenon, depending on the frame of reference we or others use to interpret it (see, for instance, Gareth Morgan’s seminal work, Images of Organisation, 1986). We are sometimes blinded to what’s in front of us by our prejudices, preconceptions, cultural constraints or rigid views of the world. It can be hard to maintain healthy scepticism without cynicism.

I see it with clients, sometimes in myself too. A sense of being trapped by a fixed Gestalt, a cognitive distortion, an inherited or learned belief system. An inability to see, to recognise the box that we’re in, never mind to see or think outside of it. An avoidance of deep, difficult questions because of the discomfort, confusion or anxiety they may evoke. If we’re not careful, if we can’t find the right help when we need it, it may limit our lives and our learning.

I think this is where coaching can play a very important role, helping pose and address some deep questions. Nick Bolton commented insightfully in Coaching Today that, ‘To explore a coaching issue existentially is to understand the relationship that the presenting problem has to the human condition to which it is a response, and to remain focused on enabling a change of perspective that allows the client to move past their current challenge.’

He also provided some helpful examples: ‘For instance, how is a client’s procrastination around something that seems to matter to her a failure to remember that life comes to an end? How is a client’s need to be unconditionally loved by his partner an attempt to deal with existential rather than interpersonal isolation? (And the solutions are very different things). How is someone’s lethargy simply a part of their fear of taking responsibility for their life?’ (July 2013, p17)

A metaphysical, existential or theological dimension can shift the entire paradigm of the coaching conversation. The question of whether a client should apply for this or that job is influenced by her sense of purpose. If she is willing to consider that God may exist and have a plan for her life, the whole situational context will change. It can be a dizzying and exciting experience, yet it’s really a question of how courageous and radical we and the client are prepared to be.
64 Comments
Zeb O. Waturuocha link
1/11/2013 07:57:25 pm

Intriguing piece of undisputable fact. I have not comments than appreciation for style, depth and clarity of writing and meaningful content. I am benefited indeed. Thanks Nick.

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Nick Wright
2/11/2013 01:22:07 am

Hi Zeb and thanks for such affirming feedback. With best wishes. Nick

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Peter Moolan-Feroze
3/11/2013 04:39:41 am

I hope this is useful , I have led creativity workshops for twenty five years in businesses and have experienced many one to one situations. To me it's not about going deep in a literal sense, it's about exploring deep issues in a way that is as practical and as simple for the client as is possible. It's about finding simplicity and clarity out of complexity. In some ways we live in an age that is over obsessed with deep and probably for a host of reasons we feel drawn to being philosophers ourselves. At times I reject my own experiences, as I often say to myself about my work knowledge, " I'm not over impressed " and in truth I'm not. Thank you Nick for prompting a thought in me. Best wishes Peter

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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:35:01 am

Hi Peter and thanks for your thoughtful reply. Your comments about finding simplicity and clarity out of complexity reminded me of a college Principal I had some years ago who used to say that 'to explain something simply, we must first understand it profoundly.' I liked your emphasis on 'exploring deep issues in a way that is as practical and simple for the client as possible'. Perhaps its about trying to keep things simple without becoming simplistic. With best wishes. Nick

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Peter Moolan-Feroze
4/11/2013 05:02:41 am

Hi Nick, thank you for your message, I agree with your comment. Your thinking is timely for me, Ive been pondering on the fact that it's natural for interested people to reflect on depth of thinking, layers of thought. I am! Its somehow less attractive to look for simplicity. I write songs and one of my strongest is a deep song with quite profound wordy lyrics. However the songs I like singing most are really simple ones, and as you correctly imply there is a line between simple and simplistic. I read a critic's review of James Arthur X factor winner, his album is out. The critic said in so many words " he clearly can sing, but he needs to learn when not to sing.." I found that interesting again in relation to simplicity. Best wishes Peter

Tim Soden
4/11/2013 08:16:47 am

Hi Peter

You make a valuable contribution because I perceive that to explore the difference between our belief and an alternative reality we must be able to be consider changing our perspective.

"It's not the notes which defines the music, it's the space between the notes" ~ Miles Davis

Of course if we already know the answer why would we engage with anyone?

Unless of course our agenda is to lead someone to believe in our our dogma and in which case we will never go deep and words will never have meaning.

“All words are pegs to hang ideas on.” ~ Henry Ward – Beecher

Kind regards
Tim

Peter Moolan-Feroze
4/11/2013 12:05:51 pm

Hi Tim, yes I like your Miles Davis quote! I have spent much of my time trying to persuade managers to value putting time into making visible the ideas that we cannot see!
Rather like the spaces between the notes! It's similar to an artist sketching, where you don't place marks on the paper is as important as where you do. Many thanks Peter

Nick Wright
7/11/2013 05:35:13 am

Wow, Peter - I loved your comment: 'he clearly can sing, but he needs to learn when not to sing.' Strikes me as a very profound coaching principle. With best wishes. Nick

Peter Moolan-Feroze
7/11/2013 06:52:25 am

Yes, I have not heard the album but I can imagine that it's non stop belting it out! When I first started workshops with business teams I felt the need to constantly fill the space with ideas and their voices! Now I prefer the pace to be more like a jumbo getting off the ground rather than a jet! If you acknowlege some silence, create stillness people can reflect. But silence in a group or as a pair is often associated with feeling uncomfortable or " this won't get the job done! " I remember two senior managers getting really quite angry because I asked the group in small teams to create paintings together in silence.
The thing I find extraordinary is that we collectively know it makes sense to value silence, stillness, playfulness, create environments that encourage movement of thought, value human spirit, but more often than not all these things are ignored. If you live in a house or a flat you vary the feel in each room in relation to the function and your needs, but go into most offices and not one space offers a contrast of mood. Not true of all businesses but many. Best wishes Peter

Nick Wright
7/11/2013 06:57:22 am

Hi Peter. Yes, I've had similar experiences with senior teams where, at times, the leaders have look at me anxiously (or with frustration) to intervene where I've allowed silent space for new insights or awareness to emerge. It's as if silence can be viewed negatively as inaction and, therefore, less valuable than filling the space with words. That kind of response sometimes evokes my own anxiety so I have to keep checking myself to ensure I'm not intervening to reduce my own anxiety rather than acting in what I believe to be the best longer-term interests of the team. With best wishes. Nick

Peter Moolan-Feroze
7/11/2013 07:31:40 am

Hi Nick, yes I know exactly what you mean! I think maybe the two managers found painting in silence together too much about a feeing state, too deep, although others enjoyed it.
Best wishes Peter

Ann Carr link
4/11/2013 03:11:55 pm

I love what you've said, Peter -- "finding simplicity and clarity out of complexity". This is what's so core about gestalt work. Yes, life, and particularly organization life, is complex. And in another way, it's not all that hard if we are fully using ourselves.

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Kate Taylor Hewett
3/11/2013 04:40:46 am

Nice blog Nick. And in an interesting synchronicity, I just wrote a blog on truth too, also exploring it from different perspectives. Something in the air? http://blog.bendykate.com/

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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:36:18 am

Hi Kate and thanks for the note. I read your blog with interest - thanks for sharing the link. Yes, curious timing! With best wishes. Nick

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Michalis Kourtidis MCIPD
3/11/2013 04:41:50 am

"It can be hard to maintain healthy scepticism without cynicism." I like that Nick...
What I've always been saying to HR Managers who ask me for advice to hire the right people is that in order to see what's the degree of fitability of candidates you have to be cynical at interviews.

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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:37:29 am

Hi Michalis and thanks for such an intriguing response. Could you say something more about what you mean about being 'cynical at interviews'? With best wishes. Nick

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Michalis Kourtidis MCIPD
8/11/2013 12:38:29 am

Sorry for taking long to reply Nick...
It would take long to fully explain what's behind what I ask recruiters to do, which is related to your article too.
Briefly, there are two points to mention: a pragmatic and a philosophical
a) Being a follower of Lou Adler's Performance-based Interviews I tend to question anything I see and assume from what I see right from the 1st stage of the interviewing process (8 stages)
b) Being philosophical in nature (my Greek origins speaking now) I've always believed in the two fundamental elements of reality: be and appearing to be. Usually people get trapped in appearance of reality as this being very vivid and true...ish.

The point is that with experimentation and later experience we may distinguish what is and what others make us believe it is.

Hope I helped a bit, though the topic is huge

Ferro Fabbri
3/11/2013 04:42:55 am

we are talking about coaching, not some deep philosophical and or psychological in-depth discussion about ' why am I here and why is blue blue'? and the fact that an acceptance of god comes into the whole thing.....
how about, things are exactly as they are..a tree is a tree and if you understand why it is a tree, it is still a tree
a god, any god is a faith based assumption that benefits some and not others and having acceptance of a god, and presumably a god chosen by the particular coach then rules out the belief or possible acceptance of any other of the plethora of gods that are milling about in whatever real they may exist in - so, it all boils down to..accept my god and things will work out?
that's not coaching - that's conversion....while your at it...perhaps sell some washing powder that makes your clothes 20% brighter.....pfffft

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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 11:58:24 am

Hi Ferro and thanks for posting such a stimulating challenge. :)

It sounds like you have a particular view of what constitutes 'coaching' which is, in the terms of the blog, a specific 'frame of reference'. In my research and conversation with coaches, I've noticed there are many different views about what the appropriate goals, content, boundaries, methods etc. are of coaching, just as there are many different forms of coaching (e.g. life coaching, business coaching, executive coaching, career coaching etc). Goals may range from personal development to organisational development to broader social change.

I agree with you that a tree is (by definition) a tree. However, I could still ask, staying with your analogy, 'what is a tree?' It's not a meaningless abstraction. The answer to the question depends partly on who I am asking, the context of our conversation and what frame of reference they are using. So, for instance, an artist may view the tree through an aesthetic lens and describe its natural beauty; a botanist may view the tree through a scientific lens and describe it's physical composition and processes; a farmer may view the tree through a functional lens and describe its use for sheltering animals from the rain.

This reflects a social constructionist view of the world. It's still the same object ('tree') but it doesn't have a single definition and there are multiple ways of describing what the tree might be and signify. Exploring alternative definitions or frames of reference in this way can open up fresh insights and possibities in coaching conversations, especially when a person or group may feel 'stuck' in a particular view of an issue or situation, as if trapped by it.

If interested, check out Kenneth Gergen's 'Invitation to Social Construction' or Vivien Burr's 'Social Constructionism'.

With best wishes. Nick

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Ferro Fabbri
4/11/2013 12:02:16 am

all good - this is just as a discussion :)
a tree is a tree...that's all there is- regardless of how you view it...when ones sees things as they are- hen one is not bound by the monkey mind that always jumps here and there - you can't be trapped anywhere, I believe, if u accept things as they are - regardless of any social construct..a tree is a tree...and, I believe, when we fail to understand the simplicity of it all..then we get endlessly caught up in the what ifs...

Scott Shaw
3/11/2013 04:43:51 am

Great questions, again, Nick. Alain Cordon once said that the client's problem is not the problem; their frame is problem. My goal as a coach is to get them out of that box. Coaching that didn't do that didn't go very far.

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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 12:01:15 pm

Hi Scott and thanks for the note. I love the quotation from Alain Cordon that you shared and your approach to helping the client get out of the box that their frame of reference may represent. Many thanks for sharing it. I would love to hear more about what you do to help clients in this way, perhaps with an exampe to illustrate it from your practice? With thanks and best wishes. Nick

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Philippa van Kuilenburg
3/11/2013 12:09:11 pm

It is dependent on your style of listening as much as anything. If you make use of advance empathetic listening then the client will go deeper. The advantage from my perspective is that they stay with their own process, are no longer just talking about and actually reliving the moment. The thinking and feelings that were present then are now present again and the client is able to revisit what influenced the outcome. I am also able to see and hear what behavioral cues others respond to.
All of which are very useful data when I am coaching for increased performance effectiveness especially with interpersonal skills, performance management etc.

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Nick Wright
3/11/2013 12:11:30 pm

Hi Philippa and thanks for sharing your helpful reflections on this topic. I liked your emphasis on empathetic listening and how it can enable a client to move into a different quality of reflection and experience. Do you have any examples you would be willing to share? With best wishes. Nick

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Philippa van Kuilenburg
3/11/2013 02:44:18 pm

My examples are drawn primarily from my training in Psychodrama, narrative therapy and general counselling training. I use mirroring and doubling (doubling is to express what is not being said and requires an ability to role reverse with the client fully) and also use exploratory questioning.

Situation: Client struggling with a staff member with challenging behaviors - unwillingness or unable to understand consequences of his behavior. E.g. makes changes without consulting others because as far as he is concerned it makes sense. (An ISTJ using MBTI). The staff member has an answer for everything and appears to have an inability to role reverse with others. The client ends up very frustrated with this staff member and wants some changes and warms up to a sense of helplessness resulting in using more aggressive and coercive style of interaction. This is unsatisfactory to the client and the staff member quickly uses his own coercive power of the union.

My initial response is to focus on the emotive aspect of the story, asking how does that make the client feel. I may also reflect back how frustrated the client sounded. I ask the client to concretize the situation (reset the scene and and talk the event through) If I am face to face I may use small figurines, in this case it was over the phone. I look for skin color changes, moisture changes in eyes, breathing patterns, listen for tension in the voice, emphasis, listen for what is not being expressed and interview for that.

E.g. "So at this stage you are telling me you are confident and nervous as you have had other unsatisfactory episodes with this person", later, "you sound if you were feeling really frustrated and didn't know what else to do at this stage."

I may also say, "Express what you are not saying or did not say at that time." This brings out the internal emotional experience that influenced the responses and provides a lack of congruence in the client behaviors.

What I am working towards is increasing spontaneity in the individual to find a different response and this may require some modelling from me or I will ask the client about people they know are successful and what s/he may say or do.
Obviously each situation requires a high level of spontaneity from yourself as a listener to respond in the moment drawing on your years of experience and training so you are able to stand in the clients shoes.
I hope my description points you in the direction to experiment with if not I can provide more specific information.

Nick Wright
4/11/2013 12:27:54 am

Hi Philippa and many thanks for sharing such helpful principles and examples. I hadn't heard of 'doubling' before and would be interested to hear more about what that could look like in practice. I liked your exploration of what is not being said. It reminded me of insights and approaches in Gestalt coaching that I've used successfully from time to time with individuals and groups. Gestalt allows exploration and expression using a range of creative methods, including physical expression and movement, that may enable awareness to emerge that was previously hidden to both client and coach. Thanks again for such a helpful response. With best wishes. Nick

Philippa van Kuilenburg
6/11/2013 02:06:59 am

Hi Nick gestalt has some similarities to psychodrama and I understand Fritz Perls attended some of Moreno's workshops. I also have had some experiences with gestalt work and like it.

To expand a little on the practice of a double. In a one-to-one situation you are largely doubling a lot of the time as you act as an emphatic listener, to fully enter the role of the double you work to fully role reverse with the client. Statements are made rather than asking questions. This style of working does not work well with someone who for example is narrative or analytic trained who are orientated to asking questions.

A double enters the other person's experience initially by matching the physical expression of the other person, then endeavor to fully experience the feelings and thoughts. The double acts and speaks as it s/he is the client. The context of the situation will influence what is expressed. So for example where the client sits in silence not saying anything at all you might bring out what you feel is not being said. E.g. "It is hard to put words to what I am experiencing I feel overwhelmed right now." Or it may be a scream, or some sort of action. This is an expanding double. A containing double responds differently. I do some work with people who have experience violence and abuse and they do not need expansion. So I might say something like. "It is overwhelming, I survived and I am here now, today and I am with you." This is designed to assist to bring them back into the the here and now rather than reliving the past.
There are articles in Psychodramatic Journals and books that I can direct you to if you are interested in exploring this further.

Philippa van Kuilenburg
6/11/2013 02:08:32 am

An additional comment, on TEDX talk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdvErKtIVUE# ! you will be able to watch a demonstration of doubling in action.

Nick Wright
7/11/2013 05:29:10 am

Many thanks, Philippa. Doubling sounds like an intriguing technique so I will definitely have a glance at the TED talk. With thanks again for such interesting and helpful responses. Nick

S.U
3/11/2013 11:27:20 pm

Great to see a blog from you - thought provoking , inspiring and perfectly timed for me (or God's timing, in you to me?)
The box and life's finiteness were both stark personal reminders for me. Thanks for helping me focus Nick...

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Nick Wright
4/11/2013 12:06:24 am

Thanks for such encouraging feedback, SU, and I'm pleased something in the blog resonated for you. With best wishes. Nick

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Tim Soden
4/11/2013 12:03:41 am

Hi Nick
Well balanced article and perhaps as an alternative "hook" it is not how deep we go but what can we let go of?
My reality may be much different than yours and so I may obscure your truth by pedantically promoting or protecting my belief.
Unless I am able to let go and fully appreciate a different perspective "truth" will always be an illusion to me.
This is how doctrine works if I accept my truth as being intransigent "fixed" and this will inevitably lead to adversarial debate the right and wrong vs god and dan scenario.

Truth will only be reached by consensus what we are prepared to let go of our own it does not necessarily mean we have to disregard our beliefs but be prepared to consider alternatives.

In school we learn the lesson before we have the experience in life we have the experience before we learn the lesson.

Sometimes I may not need to search for truth externally as it is may be already within me waiting to be explored.

How deep well this is a matter of choice, courage, making sure I am in a safe place engaged with empathy, communicating with humility and respond with compassion.

Nothing could be more simpler and less complex?

Forgiveness and a sense of humour is also important as we may be gifted an an opportunity to sit down with the devil ~ now that would test my judgment and intransigent beliefs.

Kind regards
Tim

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Nick Wright
4/11/2013 12:17:36 am

Thanks for sharing your nuggets of insight and wisdom, Tim. I particularly liked your emphasis on empathy, humility, compassion, forgiveness and humour. There's a risk that conversations about truth and reality become intellectual or ideological debates rather than a genuine human search or adventure that people can engage in together. Your comment about 'what can we let go of' reminded me of unlearning, something I once touched on in a short article: http://www.nick-wright.com/managing-our-not-knowing.html. I agree with your comment, 'nothing could be simpler and less complex'! With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

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Ann Carr link
4/11/2013 03:13:11 pm

Great conversation, Nick and all. I find myself wishing this was on Facebook so that I could "like" everyone's thoughts/comments.

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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 05:31:58 am

Thanks Ann. I'm finding the responses fascinating too! With best wishes. Nick

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Huw Williams
5/11/2013 04:20:00 am

Wow! as you guys are swimming the channel in your coaching careers im just about to take my arm bands off for the first time! I love the "All words are pegs to hang ideas on" With a strong model and a bank of open questions per section and on hearing the first answer i find the value of "What else" and "Tell me a little bit more about that" really waters the truth conversations in the coachee.

The truth shall make you free John 8:32

If we do our job right thats normally the outcome for the coachee

I would really value feed back on this as im currently studing for my ILM Level 5 Coaching and mentoring

Thank you

Huw

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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:48:51 am

Hi Huw and thanks for the note. Love the image of taking your arm bands off! :) 'What else' and 'Tell me a little bit more about that' are graet coaching questions. You may be interested in some of the perspectives and ideas in this blog that focuses on good questions too: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2011/10/good-question.html. Let me know what you think. With best wishes as you continue with your studies and your coaching journey. Nick

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Huw Williams
8/11/2013 12:36:28 am

will do thanks Nick

Michael Holland
5/11/2013 08:33:14 am

Thanks again for your thoughts, Nick. This is timely for me. I've just been reading Walter Bruggemann (Biblical Scholar) talking about hope. He made reference to Karl Barth (Theologian) who suggested that the world tends to decide what is possible and then from that limited point of view, decides what can therefore be true. Barth proposed that we need to begin by deciding what is true, (in his thinking, a God who can create newness out of nothing), and from that point we are able to make a greater list of all that becomes possible.

A change of mind set or point of view makes a huge difference to people's perceptions of the possible. I know that I often work from the "what is possible" rather than "what is true" which restricts the options and possibilities that I can see. Maybe if we spent more time pondering what is true and what is real, even if we didn't arrive at answers, we might be better off.

Keep up the writing, Nick; it keeps my brain ticking over.

Best wishes,

Michael

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Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:41:23 am

Hi Michael and thanks for your encouraging feedback. I found your insights from Barth helpful and inspiring. It's one of the limitations of a closed-system/materialist worldview prevalent in Western culture at the moment, based on a 'scientific' paradigm and applied to all aspects of life, existence etc. It excludes all possibilities of reality, truth and knowing except those it defines for itself. Would love to hear more if you have further thoughts on this. With best wishes. Nick

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Chris Jackson
6/11/2013 06:41:23 am

For me, use of 'depth' depends on your modality. Traditionally, problem-focussed approaches are structured around a 'surface/depth' distinction, with what's going on below the surface being the really important 'stuff'. The coach/mentor is then trained to see through the surface manifestations and get to the "underlying problem". In this metaphor, the client's presenting knowledge is assumed to be superficial and the coach/mentor's knowledge 'deeper', where "deeper" is assumed to be of more value because it will lead to longer lasting change.

But, DOES the deeper 'secret sauce' lead to change? I had a client who was procrastinating about addressing some diary issues and, as we explored and went deeper, a 'fear of failure' was identified. Interestingly, this didn't actual lead to a change in the procrastination!

A different metaphor to the surface/depth metaphor is adopted by the Solution-Focused, particularly Solution Focused Brief, school of thought: people change when they shift their ways of describing their worlds and experiences, when they move out of problem-talk and into solution-talk. The SF coach/mentor, therefore, works hard to work with the client's presenting account of him/herself, aiming to stay with the client rather than peer beneath for causation. When I subsequently employed an SF-based approach with the client I mentioned above, we broke through the procrastination … and the change has been long-lasting!

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Peter Moolan-Feroze
6/11/2013 07:55:08 am

Hi Chris, your comments interest me in relation to part of my current work, enabling coaches to empower their clients to make drawings in one to one sessions. Its a creative and effective way to change the mood by expressing through colour and shape rather than through words. One of my coach clients said that the power of colours and symbols can help the client to take action. I have noticed many times how the simple impact of colour can draw out a positive and celebratory disposition in business people during workshops. There is something rewarding about creating a drawing around an issue, and people surprise themselves, that they can. Thanks Peter

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Chris Jackson
6/11/2013 07:55:44 am

Peter, metaphor, visual or otherwise (and using "metaphor" differently to that in my first post), is a great way of helping people to "shift their ways of describing their worlds and experiences" !

Peter Moolan-Feroze
6/11/2013 07:56:31 am

It's funny Chris I've been encouraging teams in business to use drawing and painting for years but it's only through working one to one and in small groups with coaches that I'm beginning to realise the significance of making the journey from words to visuals and back to words. Its within the act of traveling from one language to another that movement of thought occurs and in a way that is often playful, enjoyable, however difficult the issue.

Tim Soden
7/11/2013 05:39:29 am

Hi Chris

Excellent comments and very refreshing for someone to value of playful interaction.

It is plain common sense that appreciating someone and spending time with them playing with stuff out of context instead of subjecting them to a premeditated process is very rewarding.

For me this is simply understanding that we respond to someone who from compassion creates a safe safe within which to interact.

No great secret methodology or skill required required as this is something we are all born with and what gets in the way is indoctrination.

The best model for this is to watch children at play.

If you want to sabotage this process hold on to a hidden agenda.

Kind regards
Tim

Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:20:28 am

Hi Peter, Thanks for your comments about drawings and use of colour and symbols. I've sometimes used methods such as River of Life to help people articulate their experience and what's significant to them without using words. I also once contracted a trainer to help my own team learn to communicate on flipcharts etc, only using visual symbols, no words. I liked the impact your described of creating a 'positive and celebratory disposition'. It can certainly help to draw on right brain creativity and insight without feeling constrained by logic, reason and language. With best wishes. Nick

Nick Wright
8/11/2013 12:42:38 am

Hi Tim. Love your comment: 'we respond to someone who from compassion creates a safe safe within which to interact.' That strikes me as very profound and important. With best wishes. Nick

Nick Wright
7/11/2013 07:10:50 am

Hi Chris. Thanks for such stimulating and helpful comments. I think your comment about 'modality' is a very important one. I agree with you that 'diving deep' is not always what is needed and, in my experience, can sometimes prove counterproductive. I sometimes use solutions-focused coaching where the client presents a specific issue that they would like to resolve. It can be much faster and energising that more reflective approaches.

For anyone who may be interested, I posted a separate blog on this approach: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2012/01/seeking-solutions.html. I also found an article by Iveson, George and Ratner in the BACP Coaching Today journal (April 2012) particularly helpful and stimulating. It was called 'Brief Coaching: A Solution Focused Approach'. Well worth a read as it explains the core principles with great practical examples.

I have found that the 'deeper' forms of coaching can be beneficial when a person is grappling with what feel like less tangible, existential or spiritual issues. It's less about resolving an issue and, sometimes, more about trying to make sense of or find meaning in, for example, a deep sense of unease, anxiety or lostness in the world. This kind of experience often emerges during mid-life, sudden crisis or times of significant change in a person or group's life. With best wishes. Nick

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Chris Jackson
7/11/2013 07:43:50 am

Great SF coaching article, Nick … well worth a read, everyone :)

Karel van Nimwegen
6/11/2013 06:42:06 am

Thank you Nick you challenge me,
First thing that comes up is 'what is true, is there something as really true'. On an experienced level you can say this is true. But is it..? Can you look inder this truth, and does it then still matter what is truth.
In this reality as we call our society, things are real, things and experiences are there...
but true..

so to me it is interesting to write this, but it is probably not true.. :-)

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Nick Wright
8/11/2013 12:50:14 am

Hi Karel and thanks for the note. Your reflecitons on what us true and real reminded me of a book by Richard Bach called 'Illusions', at the end of which he concluded, 'Everything in this book could be wrong.' :) With best wishes. Nick

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Kate Taylor Hewett
7/11/2013 04:42:28 am

What an interesting discussion! And from reading all the comments, it does seem as if what is important for each of us to get closer to our 'truth' is a shift in perspective - from superficial to deep, from verbal to visual... seeing what is going on in a new way.

If I can share two experiences from this past year that I have learned a lot from....

The first was a client who I really tried to move into a 'deeper' space. As a long-time yoga teacher and meditator as well as a learning and development professional, I am very comfortable in this 'deep', even 'transpersonal' space. But this particular client didn't seem to want to go there. And yet, by simply looking at what the options for behaviour were and choosing what she felt was a better way, she made real, significant and positive change and took her organisation forwards significantly. I soon realised that it isn't always necessary - or appropriate - to go deep, and that my tendency to want to take clients there comes from my own bias.

The second was in my own case. I was struggling with an issue and trying to root around in gthe depths of my psyche for the cause. Then, after a casual conversation with a friend, I realised that, on the surface, to others I was simply appearing to be lazy! And so, when I moved from deep to superficial, I saw that what I really needed to do was simply bring a bit more effort and discipline into this space, and that really helped.

So in both of these cases I have surprised myself by realising that deep is not always the way to go. It all depends on the perspective that is our starting point and finding a way to shift that in a helpful way.

Reply
Nick Wright
10/11/2013 07:06:28 am

Hi Kate and thanks for the helpful comments. I agree with you that deep diving isn't always appropriate or helpful. I've sometimes said, if someone asks me how to use the photocopier, for instance, it's unlikely they are inviting me to coach them at an existential level. Perhaps it's something about understanding the context, the contract, the client's hopes and expectations, our own beliefs about what is going on and what will be most helpful etc. With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

Reply
Asha Singh
7/11/2013 05:37:36 am

As deep as the client is willing...and then some. As an executive and team coach with strong spiritual inspiration, I get really excited when I see groups or organisations beginning to shift like this, away from linear thinking which has produced results that many don't want and then has them squeezed to the limits to maintain them, to a creative, positive, visionary approach with some kind of meaning for all.

Reply
Nick Wright
8/11/2013 12:59:54 am

Hi Asha and thanks for the note. I really liked your expression, 'As deep as the client is willing...and then some.' It's something about being willing to challenge (and enabling the client to challenge) perspectives, assumptions, boundaries, actions etc, albeit in an appropriately sensitive manner. I would be very interested to hear any examples from your exectutive or team coaching - what the issues were, how you approached them, what happened as a result etc. With thanks and best wishes. Nick

Reply
Len Williamson
7/11/2013 06:37:08 am

Hi Nick....I enjoyed your piece. I am working on a piece titled 'A Reality for a Better World' in which your question 'what is real, what is true, how can we know?' is central. Here are my thoughts so far under the heading 'What is reality?'

As long as we are human Philosophers will debate the nature of reality. It continues as a work in progress with some very strongly held views. If there is proven to be an all encompassing reality it is not particularly useful for us other than to realise each of us only ever consider an infinitesimally small segment of it. What is important for us is to understand is that we create our own reality and that it differs from every other person’s version of reality. The second important point is that we have choice about the reality we create.
We create our own reality by selecting and interpreting a small slice of the data available to us in the environment we are in. Our senses take sensations and even before any interpretation is applied the senses are guided by our need in that moment of time. If we are hungry our senses will be alert for nourishment and less interested in opportunities for warmth. If we are cold then warmth becomes the focus of our attention. Once we have selected data through our senses we then apply our own worldview to interpret the data and begin to create information. Our worldview is our view of the way the world works. It is built on all our life experiences and is uniquely our own. Memory will play its part by guiding us towards experiences we have previously enjoyed and away from those that have harmed us in the past.
We are guided towards our own reality by what we need in the current moment, the worldview we have assembled in our lives and our memories. It is our own reality and different to the reality held by anyone else around us. What is important for us to know, if we want to make a better world, is that there are many other possible realities available to us. It is often the case that some of the alternative realities available to us are much better than the ones we currently hold. In answer to the question ‘what is reality?’ we can say that it is something that each of us ‘makes up’ our own version of it. We can also observe that individual reality is a choice and we may not naturally choose the best one available to us.

Reply
Nick Wright
9/11/2013 02:54:21 am

Hi Len and many thanks for sharing such deep reflections. I would be very interested to read your piece 'A Reality for a Better World' when you have completed it. Some thoughts came to mind as I was reading your comments.

Firstly, you raise interesting questions about the nature of 'reality', e.g. something independent and objective (whether we can know it or not) or something contingent and subjective based on our own perceptions.

I don't know if you are familiar with social constructionism, e.g. via the works of Kenneth Gergen or Vivien Burr who are my favourite writers on the subject, but I find it fascinating in how it proposes that our perceptions are socially, not just personally, constructed.

I wrote a short blog that touched on aspects of this called 'Whose thoughts am I thinking?': http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2011/02/whose-thoughts-am-i-thinking.html. It challenges conventional notions of personal 'knowing'.

Secondly, it seems to me that any theory of how we come to create and/or discover reality, no matter how plausible or convincing it appears to us, emerges from and/or informs our own/our cultures' own view of reality.

It's always possible that there are other forms of knowledge or ways of knowing that lie outside of our paradigm, frame of reference or personal awareness or experience, for example, knowledge by spiritual revelation rather than, say, by empirical research.

I really liked your emphasis on the possibilies that alternative 'realities' hold for us. I've certainly found that to be true when using a social constructionist approach in coaching with individuals, teams, organisations and communities.

Thanks again for sharing such thought-provoking insights and ideas. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Len Williamson
11/11/2013 07:37:55 am

Thanks Nick. I like your piece on 'whose thoughts am I thinking'. Sounds like we are on parallel tracks on a fascinating enquiry in to 'being'. Consistent with your imagery is a question I reflect on which is what is the difference between the consciousness of a tree and that of a human? The tree receives stimulus from the environment and responds in predictable ways. The human receives stimulus from the environment and responds. The predictability of that response is extremely complex but as we understand it more and more it may one day be as predictable as the response of a tree. Will look at social constructionism. Have just joined RSA with an interest in the social brain project where my thoughpiece on A Reality For A Better World is a possible target. Would be interested in your comments if I can send you a copy. My email is [email protected]
Len

Nick Wright
11/11/2013 07:40:30 am

Many thanks, Len. Your comments about the tree reminded me of another blog, based on another conversation with the same friend in Germany: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2011/10/exploring-platos-cave.html. Would be interested to hear what you think! With best wishes. Nick

Evert van der Weide
10/11/2013 06:59:03 am

Len your vision is very clear and close to the way I look to the world. We see the world by our own experiences and we can shares the different point of view to see more clear.

Reply
Pip Bruce Ferguson
7/11/2013 12:11:28 pm

Hi all - coming to this conversation late, work is crazy at present. Yes, Nick, that sense of not being able to see one's own positioning is something I've written on - "the goldfish not seeing the water". I think we all get caught up in our own family/culture/spiritual etc. values and often tend to think these are the norm.
Will come back and revisit some of the wise comments on this forum when I have a bit more time.
Shalom, all - Pip

Reply
Nick Wright
7/11/2013 12:31:17 pm

Hi Pip and thanks for joining the conversation. :) Love that expression: 'the goldfish not seeing the water'. I would be very interested to hear more about your writings on the subject. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Liz Dunphy
8/11/2013 08:14:27 am

Thanks for this thought provoking piece Nick. I'm reminded of Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth which I read a few weeks ago. He suggests that the concept of "I" or "Me" is simply a construct of the mind, and in order to defend this concept the ego has to cling on to beliefs, memories and habits which we can identify as "I". Tolle suggests that the need for truth itself is simply the ego's wish to cling on mental structures by which we can identify ourselves as "I-not-you". Tolle challenges us to have moments when we recognise that we are not our thinking, we are not our mind, that there is a truth beyond the limitations of our thinking which needs no justification, evidence or defence.

Intuitely, I love this as a principle, and have had such moments of revelation but they last for a few seconds, no more. So given that this kind of enlightenment seems hard to hold on to in the busy, rushed environments of modern life, I try to remind myself as often as possible that my thoughts are my ego's attempt to protect itself and to not get too embroiled in the drama in my head!

I don't share these views overtly with coaching clients, it doesnt feel appropriate. Though I do share my own meditation practice (an intermittent practice at the best of times!) and various techniques I use to give me distance from my mental structures. I'd be interested to hear how others work with these ideas in practice ways with clients.

Thanks Nick :-)

Reply
Nick Wright
9/11/2013 03:13:35 am

Hi Liz and thanks for sharing such fascinating insights. The comments from Tolle you referred to reminded me of some insights from Vivien Burr's book, Social Constructionism, that challenge conventional psychological views of personhood and personality.

The boundary between 'I' and my environment may be more permeable than we are aware or or willing to accept, particularly in Western cultures with such a strong emphasis on individual identity and autonomy.

I liked your vivid descriptions of intuition, moments of revelation, enlightenment etc. and the contrast with rushed environments, protection, embroilment and drama! I can certainly identify with those experiences in my own life and coaching practice.

With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

Reply



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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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