Control

10/8/2018

‘You can’t always control who walks into your life but you can control which window you throw them out of!’ (Anon)

It can be one of the worst feelings. To lose control. To be out of control. It’s also one of the main root causes of anxiety, depression and stress. To have control suggests to have choice, to have power to decide, to have agency, to be free. To lose those things, to have them taken away from us or to discover they lay out of reach for us can feel scary, disorientating and debilitating. It’s a critical consideration in change leadership, coaching, OD and training: how to handle issues of control.

I met with a change team recently that discussed how best to support people through transition. They had a very positive intention and created some great ideas. The critical and missing ingredient was to invite and involve the actual people they aimed to support in choosing what they would find most useful. The simple felt-experience of choosing can create a psychological sense of control in the midst of bewildering and anxiety-provoking change – and that can make all the difference.

I worked with a leadership team that felt overwhelmed by challenges they were facing. Their environment was so turbulent, complex and unpredictable that they struggled to understand it and to know what to do in response. Their felt sense of out-of-control-ness evoked anxiety and that made it difficult to think straight. Their solution lay not in exercising greater control but in letting go of their psychological need for control. They learned adaptive-responsive, emergent leadership instead.

How do you work with issues of control?

72 Comments

Ian Henderson

10/8/2018 10:44:10 am

Another insightful article Nick - thanks!

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 10:44:34 am

Thanks for such encouraging feedback, Ian! :)

Jennifer Pierce

10/8/2018 12:14:08 pm

I have learned that when I attempt to control or think I am in control that my Father only let's me go so far. When I reach the end of myself He brings me back and reminds me from where all promotion and provision come. In the professional working world, in our personal relationships and most private lives, it is really all the same if He is our standard and the One in Whom we aim to please.

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 12:31:52 pm

Hi Jennifer and thank you for responding from such a personal faith-and-experience perspective. I think Christian theology poses some really interesting and important questions vis a vis belief and trust in God on the one hand and personal agency and responsibility on the other. It's often framed in terms of predestination and providence.

I like the expression attributed to Oliver Cromwell in the English civil war: 'Trust in God - and keep your powder dry'. It’s as if, somehow, ultimate control lays in God’s hands and, yet, on the other hand, we are nevertheless called to act. Learning that delicate balance of trust, letting go of control and yet taking control is a daily adventure of faith for me.

Megan Davies

10/8/2018 12:27:15 pm

Thought provoking article.
Another great blog Nick.

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 12:32:34 pm

Thanks for your kind feedback, Megan! :)

Denize Dantas

10/8/2018 02:25:33 pm

Very interesting your comment !!! The human machine is very complex ... Our actions and attitudes will make the difference before the new and unexpected. We need to learn to focus on the problem, to analyze the whole and to visualize, if there is any, possible solutions or way of acting.

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 02:30:07 pm

Thank you, Denize! Yes, human beings and systems are complex indeed. It's sometimes useful to focus on the problem. It's sometimes useful, alternatively, to focus on what is going well. Are you familiar with solutions-focused coaching and appreciative inquiry? You may find this short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/solutions

Kathrin

10/8/2018 06:00:06 pm

Wenn alles gut läuft, merkt man nicht, ob, wie, wer oder was mich kontrolliert. Und wen und was ich kontrolliere. Bewusst und unbewusst. Alles funktioniert. Aber wenn eine Komponente nicht oder plötzlich anders funktioniert, dann wird es schwierig für mich und ich muss mich neu orientieren. Es kann mich für eine kurze oder längere Zeit beeinflussen, mir schwer fallen und Probleme bereiten. Dabei darf ich Geduld und Vertrauen nicht verlieren, dass ich irgendwann mit der Situation klar kommen werde.

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 07:00:19 pm

Hallo Kathrin. Danke, dass du so tiefe Reflexionen teilst. Ich denke, das stimmt, dass wir uns der Kontrolle nicht oft bewusst sind, bis etwas passiert, das unseren Sinn für Kontrolle stört. Das stimmt sicherlich mit Erkenntnissen aus der Gestalt überein - dass wir auf das aufmerksam gemacht werden, was uns gerade am wichtigsten ist.

(Hi Kathrin. Thank you for sharing such profound reflections. I think that's true that we aren't often conscious of control until something happens that disturbs our sense of control. That is certainly consistent with insights from Gestalt - that our attention is drawn to that which is most important to us in the moment.)

Mari-Lyn Harris

10/8/2018 07:01:31 pm

Surrender always works for me.

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 07:02:07 pm

Hi Mari-Lyn. I'm intrigued. Can you say more..?

Dr. Ross Wirth

10/8/2018 07:03:09 pm

The desire for control creates an interesting paradox - a desire to control others when you can only control yourself. My initial thought was trust - bi-directional trust. However, it goes deeper to narrowing what is most important and putting aside what is not truly essential. This in turn, requires an understanding that the only way you will get exactly what you want is to do it yourself, which is not feasible. So the manager is faced with a trade-off - accept something less than perfect (but feasible) versus getting nothing. This brings us back to where we started - how to change the change team? One thought is the same way we approach any change at the individual level - Stages of Change moving them through the stages from ignorance of the root problem (Stage 1) to maintenance (stage 5).

Nick Wright

10/8/2018 07:17:20 pm

Hi Ross. Thanks for sharing such interesting thoughts.

It makes me wonder how much we really can control ourselves. After all, so many of our e.g. beliefs, thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviours arise out of the unconscious, subconscious or not-conscious (e.g. intuition).

I guess that self-control, insofar as it entails a conscious choice, requires a level of awareness - alongside motivation, will-power and whatever resources are required to follow it through.

I think your reflections on trade-off for the manager are also interesting. It sounds like the assumption is that results achieved through others, that lay essentially outside of our control, are likely to be suboptimal - at least in terms of our own hopes or expectations?

It's also possible that results achieved with and through others could far exceed that which we hope for, expect or are even able to imagine. That has certainly been true in my own experience on many occasions. I agree with you about trust and about allowing or enabling that which is most important to emerge.

Dr. Ross Wirth

11/8/2018 08:08:25 am

I worked in the Management Science Department when I started my career 40 years ago. We did great work building optimization programs and even won an international award for the benefits arising from our work. However, when you dug beneath the surface, almost all the benefit came from organizing the data to feed into the optimization program. And, after running the optimization for awhile, the operating group develop heuristics based on the optimization recommendations and no longer needed the optimization program. As I moved into complexity science, I have further moved away from "optimization" to "close enough." Further, the stability of the conditions supporting optimization have grown increasingly short and uncertain.The ability for self-control is critical but supported with many techniques documented in self-leadership and models for how individuals change. I was also reminded of this recently when preparing resources for an org-change graduate course I am teaching this fall. I split the slides I prepared for implementing the Stages of Change model into two sections - one for helping others through the change transitions and another for leading yourself through change.

Nick Wright

11/8/2018 08:14:32 am

Hi Ross. Intriguing. Can you say more about what you mean by, 'almost all the benefit came from organizing the data to feed into the optimization program'? Do you have an example to illustrate it?

Dr. Ross Wirth

11/8/2018 11:16:54 pm

The first year of the project was devoted to data organization. All the data existed but nothing was connected. A massive database was created with all the data and then linkages were established between data which was critical since that was the major missing piece. Transportation costs were all in one place for all the different ways of moving product. Pricing was available including history and competitor prices. (Price-volume sensitivity was now an easy analysis.) Contract information was in the database including past purchase history. None of the data were new, only accessible and connected. Almost immediately, new reports were being generated which led to even more analysis and new ways of doing business. Many changes emerged just because of the easy availability of data and new ways of seeing that data. Once the optimization was started, the distribution network was understood as being too complicated and VERY sensitive to minor changes.

Nick Wright

11/8/2018 11:18:33 pm

Thanks Ross. That sounds like a great example of working with dynamic-systemic complexity.

Karen Harness FCIPD

11/8/2018 08:02:32 am

Hi Nick to your point involving people and asking what they would value in a given circumstance. Giving people a sense of control through choice, allowing people to lead themselves, win win.

Nick Wright

11/8/2018 08:04:46 am

Hi Karen. I agree. On the power of 'choosing', you may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choose

Patrick Hoverstadt

11/8/2018 11:00:54 pm

I think the issue of control and who does / doesn't have it is key.

There's a meme in CM that the problem with change is resistance because people are inherently resistant to change. At the same time people bang on about how fast the rate of change is now and VUCA. ALL that change in the business environment is generated by people changing. There is absolutely no shortage of organisations doing change and the evidence of that is all around.

The question is which changes gets done and who gets to pick that. What we generally mean when we say people are resistant is that they won't do the changes we want them to do. And that is quite a different problem to solve.

Some of the best organisation wide change projects I've been involved in were based on carefully working out the levels of control and giving people a "this is what needs to be achieved", then letting them work out their best way to achieve that. Its about putting responsibility and control where its best suited.

Nick Wright

11/8/2018 11:15:36 pm

Hi Patrick. Well said! I too believe the maxims/truisms that 'people resist change' or 'people don't like change' are gross and misleading generalisations. We could say that every time a person initiates, chooses, to do something, they willingly engage in change.

The issue is often about who initiates change and who feels like it has been imposed on them - even if they agree with the nature of the change itself. People may well resist change if they feel disempowered/disenfranchised by a person or process.

I like your emphasis on effective and em-powering delegation. It creates a psychological sense of control that is real.

Patrick Hoverstadt

13/8/2018 10:56:25 am

You said: "I like your emphasis on effective and em-powering delegation. It creates a psychological sense of control that is real".
Yes and this psych factor goes hand in hand with a "technical" one since you get better founded change planning as well.
The problem - in as much as it is a problem - is that you have to be prepared for "your" change ideas to be challenged.

Nick Wright

13/8/2018 10:56:41 am

Hi Patrick. Agreed!

Patrick Hoverstadt

14/8/2018 08:45:03 pm

This isn't so much a comment about CM as about project management, but its always struck me as a bit bizarre that whilst projects are supposed to deliver change, the discipline of project management is about making sure there is no change to "the plan".

physician heal thyself ...

Nick Wright

14/8/2018 08:45:58 pm

Hi Patrick. Now therein lies a paradox... :)

Carl Flynn

11/8/2018 11:19:33 pm

I would firstly suggest that you reflect on the power and control inherent in the coach-client relationship which is a parallel process: who decides who is the ‘coach’ and who is the ‘client’?

Nick Wright

11/8/2018 11:22:52 pm

Hi Carl. I think that's a good point. In my experience, it can also be useful to explore the power dynamics in the coach-client relationship in the context of wider contextual and cultural systems too. This is an area where skillful supervision can be very useful and important to help ensure ethical and effective critical reflective practice.

Dr. Karen Gurney

11/8/2018 11:23:55 pm

Yes, questions, and decisions lead to empowerment by instilling a feeling of choice versus trapped. Informed questions are more powerful than uninformed because they are more rooted in the reality of options. This is where the in-control dominance of the coach can really benefit results. The more confident I have become in the potential results....the more confident the person(s) involved get. However, all questions are good.

Nick Wright

11/8/2018 11:26:46 pm

Thanks Karen. I'm fascinated and intrigued by your comment, 'in-control dominance of the coach can really benefit results'. Can you say a bit more, perhaps with an example from experience to illustrate what this could look like in practice?

Beth Roome

12/8/2018 09:58:45 pm

A sense of control (aka input into decisions that impact the work you do) is a primary component of maintaining employee engagement. The more trust you have in the process as evidenced by past experience of things like choice in decisions around change/transition, the easier it is to release control to others when necessary. Neuroscience behind what appears threatening has a tremendous amount to do with our ability to calm the sirens in our heads during turbulent times, and psychologically lean into what needs to be done to push through to resolution. If you are working with a team that has disengaged from the process, change management efforts may look more like a tug-of-war with less than desirable outcomes.

Nick Wright

12/8/2018 10:08:12 pm

Hi Beth. I agree. I think there is very strong degree of correlation between felt-sense of control and engagement. Interestingly, I sometimes like to be 'out of control', e.g. when I am travelling on adventures and I want to let go and see what happens. It's the excitement of not-knowing, of discovery, of testing and stretching the boundaries of my own experience, awareness and ability. At the same time, a critical factor in that is that I am choosing that experience, not having it forced upon me. It raises really important questions about how to enable and ensure optimal power and choice for those who experience change or are impacted by it in 'change management' processes.

Rachel Daniel

12/8/2018 10:20:24 pm

Really enjoyed reading what you wrote!

Nick Wright

12/8/2018 10:21:23 pm

Thanks Rachel. Much appreciated!

Kathrin

13/8/2018 07:36:36 am

Auch einmal ohne Kontrolle sein, frei sein, nicht erklären müssen, warum oder wie man etwas macht, ist auch wichtig und notwendig. Vertrauen haben und warten, was passiert, Neues entdecken und trotzdem auf sich selbst aufpassen, dabei lernt man viel über sich und die Welt.

Nick Wright

13/8/2018 09:37:55 am

Danke Kathrin. Stimmt!

Cécile Jenkins

13/8/2018 09:38:40 am

One of the things I always look out for when designing my communications plan is the balance between telling people what’s going on and giving them an opportunity to contribute, ie one-way and two-way channels. I’ve not thought of it through the “control” lens before but I suppose it’s critical in giving them a sense of control: to give them a voice in the change process.

Nick Wright

13/8/2018 09:45:32 am

Hi Cécile. Yes, letting people know what's happening can be empowering too. Control-related dimensions can include, for instance, to ask, 'What do you want to know?', 'How (by what method or relationship) do you want to know it?', 'When do you want to know it?' etc. It is an invitation to engage and it conveys human respect.

Ewan Menzies

13/8/2018 09:46:47 am

Great post Nick.. For me the first thing is getting clear on the end goals (which are decided on by stakeholders in the organisation, not necessarily employees). Discuss these strategic goals with everyone in the organisation to matter what level they operate at. Then it is about enableing (rather than coercing) the team. Line managers should be asking "how can I help you?" Genuinely trust and empower your team - put them in control of how they achieve company goals.

Nick Wright

13/8/2018 09:54:43 am

Thanks Ewan. I think the goal-setting issue, along with who constitutes 'stakeholders', raises some really interesting questions. What would happen (or, conversely, what do we fear might happen) if we were, for instance, to work co-actively with employees in setting the end goals? It's sometimes a question of culture and hierarchy; sometimes a question of efficiency vs engagement. With so many organisations struggling with employee engagement these days, it could be time for a re-think? Just a thought.

Tünde Erdös

13/8/2018 10:59:10 am

Hi Nick and Beth, I very much enjoy your posts. What resonated with me strongly was that yes when organisations or leaders have the sense that they are ‚losing control‘ it might imply that they have the habit of ‚being in control‘: control of what? I wonder if that might relate to what what Steven D’Souza & Diana Renner call the ‚allure of the known‘ in their book ‚Not knowing: the art of turning uncertainty into opportunity‘? So my take is that if we can help clients and organizations and ourselves to free ourselves from being in ‚the grip of an illusion‘ when driven to control and that the only thing we control is this very illusion, we might have taken a huge step towards creating an opportunity for them to see that: yes, knowledge is greatly powerful and yes, either we have got this power under control or it will have us under control.

It is fascinating that humans are driven to be always looking for order and reason, even when they don’t exist.

Nick Wright

13/8/2018 11:05:36 am

Thanks Tünde. Very interesting reflections. I like your link to D'Souza and Renner's work on 'Not Knowing'. On that theme, you may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing

Your comments on 'illusion' remind me of a book I once read called, 'The Myth of Certainty' and on insights from ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) that contrast with, say, CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) vis a vis 'control'.

On humans and looking for order and reason, there has been some interesting work done on the relationship between personality types (Myers Briggs) and what different people prefer and/or need in change. You may find this interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/personal-preference-and-change

Ken Smith

13/8/2018 05:21:31 pm

Hi Nick. A couple of things come to mind reading your post. I find for some coaching clients being in control can have a tight grip on who they feel they are; so sometimes I've had discussions around: "How can you be what you want to be without pursing (what can easily be an illusory sense of) being in control? Can you allow the grip to loosen and still have a sense of agency? Can dialogue replace control?" And sometimes for a client to acknowledge they indeed have a need for control can carry feelings of shame, of wanting to impose themselves on others that doesn't fit well with other values they have - which can lead to a conversation around: "And what then is your purpose?" Ken

Nick Wright

13/8/2018 05:25:32 pm

Hi Ken. Thanks for sharing such profound insights. I think what you are describing here touches on deep existential questions of identify, meaning and purpose. In my experience, working with clients in this area can lead to transformational awareness and change.

Bob Larcher

14/8/2018 09:28:05 am

The notion of "being comfortable in uncomfortable situations" is important when feeling out of control; how to remain "centered", "grounded" and "focussed" in order to move forward.

Nick Wright

14/8/2018 09:35:06 am

Hi Bob. That reminds me of John Bowlby's work on 'a secure base'.

Bob Larcher

16/8/2018 10:50:53 am

I remember reading some stuff about Bowlby's attachment theory. The Mental Toughness approach is probably also pertinent.

Nick Wright

16/8/2018 10:51:47 am

Hi Bob. 'Mental Toughness approach.' Can you say more?

Bob Larcher

16/8/2018 05:59:48 pm

I've been working with the "concept" of Mental Toughness for about 10 years now; here are a couple of articles I published on the subject:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/mental-toughness-bob-larcher/

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-mental-toughness-important-you-bob-larcher/

Nick Wright

16/8/2018 06:00:02 pm

Thanks Bob.

Bridgett Relphorde, MA-OM

14/8/2018 09:37:32 am

Question...Are we ever really in full control? For everything we experience in life there are so many variables that only limit our control of a situation or things - especially in the workplace. With that said, I like Nick's example of letting go and seeing what happens. I think that the bigger lesson comes when we understand that control may not be all that it's cracked up to be and that we could miss valuable experiences if we try to control everything. Sometimes trying to control things stifles creativity.

Nick Wright

14/8/2018 09:47:39 am

Thanks Bridgett. Your final comment reminds me of some work I did with a leadership team. The organisation was struggling financially and the team had decided that the best way forward was to tighten control. The process of tightening control led inadvertently to micro-management and tensions between teams. This created stress and anxiety and sent the leadership team into a downward spiral. They became less free, less creative and more defensive. They lost perspective and it damaged relationships. Their solution lay not in tighter control but in finding ways to step back, create space and build life-giving relationships. In doing so, they shifted from 'heads down' to 'heads up', become far more relaxed, visionary, creative and innovative - and the organisation regained its success.

Kath Howard

14/8/2018 08:34:26 pm

I love this post, Nick, and couldn’t agree more with the need to actively involve and co-create through change.

Your example of a leadership team tightening control and it’s negative consequences is one I’ve also seen before. It seems to send a ripple to distrust through the organisation. On the flip-side I’ve observed organisations relinquish control, or state that they will, through a desire to ‘empower’ their senior leadership and more often to drive accountability. This giving of control to others often comes without any upskilling or creating readiness to take the accountability, and I’ve also seen that result in confusion, poor team working and inaction. Everyone knows they need to take accountability and control, but no one is quite sure what of or what is expected of them. Such an interesting area to explore and support.

Nick Wright

14/8/2018 08:43:10 pm

Hi Kath. Thanks for such affirming feedback. I too have seen situations in which 'delegating responsibility' has meant, in effect, abandoning others to fulfil roles or tasks for which they are not really empowered or resourced. Catherine Widdicombe of AVEC expressed this well (my paraphrase): 'There are times to be directive, times to be non-directive and times to positively withdraw - and there is wisdom in knowing which approach, with whom and when.' If we invite people to co-create our leadership, it can have such a positive and energising outcome, e.g. 'What would you find most useful from me?'; 'What do you want and need to do this well?'

Leslie Hendrickson-Baral

14/8/2018 08:47:07 pm

One step at a time.

Nick Wright

14/8/2018 08:47:42 pm

Hi Leslie. Do you have any examples from experience you could share here?

Andrew Priestley

16/8/2018 10:52:59 am

Clinically, we check for perceived ability to control (PAC). The situation might be controllable but if PAC is low the person will choke under control scenarios. People who lose control of a situation at some point have a diminished perception of control. This can be coached by the way.

Nick Wright

16/8/2018 10:56:47 am

Hi Andrew. I wonder if we could add PFC ('Preference for Control') to PAC ('Perceived Ability to Control') since some people appear to have a stronger preference, need and desire for control than others? I think, for instance, of different personal preferences (e.g. J-P) in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. What do you think? Do you have any examples from coaching practice you could share here?

Alison Knight FGS

17/8/2018 08:05:16 pm

Hi Nick, I would like to offer an analogy from Dance Movement Therapy as I have been watching some ADMTA videos for ideas for coaching. One of the therapists suggested that anxiety was 'excitement with no place to go' and as such creating actual or metaphorical movement would help to create a sense of agency and self efficacy. Exploring with clients how they can 'move forward' and make decisions can assist with the transition. Finally something important gleaned from ideas of kinesthetic empathy was a need to be 'in the moment' with the client. As coaches we also have to surrender a sense of control when with our clients so as not to over control the session. We can help their own learning from our own actions. Hope that might offer you some ideas.

Nick Wright

17/8/2018 08:10:22 pm

Thanks Alison. I love the idea of ideas from dance movement therapy and the notion of anxiety as, 'excitement with no place to go.' On kinaesthetic coaching and moving-with, you may find this short case study article interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/just-do-it.html

Elly Taylor

18/8/2018 12:58:39 am

Control, or lack thereof, is a huge issue for the population I serve - expecting and new parents. Highly educated, career driven women are more at risk for postpartum depression because life with a newborn is about as different as you can get to life before. Parents often go into it thinking they're going to be fine because they're organised and have everything under control at work and it's a hard lesson to learn that you can't organise or control the baby, in fact, it's the opposite, the baby's calling the shots and it's about learning to adapt to the baby's rhythms and respond to their cues. There's also so many "unknowns" of parenthood that create anxiety and anxiety is not great for a couple's relationship. In our Becoming Us classes, we support parents to anticipate uncertainty and give them the skills to cope as a couple, because anxiety can cause a LOT of conflict.

Nick Wright

18/8/2018 01:02:02 am

Hi Elly and thank you for sharing such interesting insights from your work. I think your comment at the end is so important: 'we support...to anticipate uncertainty and give...the skills to cope.' I'm curious - what skills do you develop with people to enable them to handle uncertainty and the un-controllable?

Pamela Donnelly

20/8/2018 04:33:43 am

Great insightful article nick. Having a sense of control is important in life for everyone. Sometimes in life we experience things that we cannot control which is unsettling but it’s our response to these things that sets us free. Helping our clients to focus on what they can control is important. Also encouraging people to take action and to turn difficult situations into positive growth experiences is important. Thanks for sharing.

Nick Wright

20/8/2018 04:43:39 am

Thanks Pamela. Your comments reminded me of Covey's 'circles of control; circles of influence; circles of concern', and of insights in cognitive behavioural psychology that focus on exerting a degree of control over our response to change.

Natasa Stojanovic

20/8/2018 04:45:32 am

I go with Mari-Lyn, surrender... I would offer a reframe, the problem not being the lack of control but the need of control. we are never in control, there is nothing we can really control and have a positive outcome, whatever we try to control will lash back. For me, I would guide my clients to accept whatever is going on - which does not mean not changing it, but the first step of change is accepting what is. as long as you stay stuck in your need to control nothing will change. I recently read an interesting article (don't remember where any more) and what stuck with me is something like "the underlying issue of trying to be in control is anxiety". that was an eye opener for me. I do however support CHOICE, and I believe we always have choice, even in the middle of crisis (when we feel out of control because we realise that we never did and never can control anything). I could write on forever, but the bottom line: support them to accepting what is and choose from there.

Nick Wright

20/8/2018 04:56:50 am

Hi Natasa. I like your comment that, 'the problem (is) not ... the lack of control but the need of control', and the psychodynamic insight that 'the underlying issue of trying to be in control is (in my view, sometimes) anxiety'. There are resonances in 'guide my clients to accept whatever is going on' with ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) and in 'support choice' with Viktor Frankl's insights and stance in 'Man's Search for Meaning'. Are you familiar with them?

Nick Wright

24/8/2018 05:29:20 am

Hi Nick, thank you for your response. no, I am not familiar with them. I find there are so many great tools out there, thanks for pointing them out.

Nick Wright

24/8/2018 05:29:44 am

Thanks Natasa. You're welcome.

Ravi Walsh

24/8/2018 05:26:19 am

Great question Nick. I like Natasa's point, support them to accept what is. I have always loved the teaching- Want Fear? Get A Future. Want Guilt? Get A Past. When I work with clients or teams, I start with guiding them, through meditation and Tracking, into their experience of the present moment. This becomes the new foundation for creation. As we become more aware of the present moment and learn to lean into our Pain Body (creator of the illusion and need for control), we open to reality- a field of infinite potentiality! Thank you everyone for teaching me today!

Nick Wright

24/8/2018 05:27:56 am

Thanks Ravi - and for such encouraging feedback. Your approach sounds interesting. Do you have an example from experience that you could share here without breaking client confidentiality?

Cath Norris

13/9/2018 10:55:32 pm

Nick, I think you nailed it when you talked about inviting and involving those who are effected by the decisions being made in the decision making process. That's been the most effective antidote I've found to issues relating to loss of control in people's lives - whether that's been on an individual or collective level. I've ensured that the evolution of new services has from the onset, actively involved those whose needs are intended to be met. As a therapist it's been about following my clients process and supporting them on a moment to moment basis in identifying and working on what matters to them in a way which is determined by them.

Nick Wright

13/9/2018 11:12:09 pm

Thanks Cath. Yes, I agree. The same principle, ethic and practice applies at individual and collective levels. Enabling people to notice, own and exercise greater choice and control is at the heart of many important approaches to empowerment.

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