Collision

12/9/2017

The impact of an unexpected collision can leave us dazed and reeling. A good friend was standing on a ski slope when suddenly, out of the blue, he felt himself flying through the air then laid on his back in intense pain and struggling to breathe. It turned out another skier had lost control and hit him at speed from behind. The impact could have killed him. Another friend was hit by a trike. He was riding his motorcycle and stopped at traffic lights. Unfortunately, the trike rider behind him didn’t see he had stopped and hit him hard. My friend lived but sustained serious head injuries.

I’ve lived through similar impacts and, 19 motorcycle accidents and 8 car crashes later, I have the aches and scars to prove it. There are parallels in psychological and emotional realms too, e.g. the impact of receiving unexpected and devastating news that can leave the whole world crashing down around us. Such experiences can leave us broken, disorientated and struggling to breathe. They may trigger fight-flight-freeze: we may scream, shout, kick, punch, run for cover or feel numb, paralysed. Our hope, life and existence can feel threatened. It takes time, rest and care to recover.

Yet there are also collisions of a very different kind. These are the serendipitous encounters, events and experiences that shift and reshape us positively. They alter radically our paradigms and beliefs and lift our eyes and hearts to a totally different plane. I remember when Jesus collided with me at age 21. The impact shook my life to its very core, transcending and transforming my deepest hopes and fears. I remember too so many ordinary-extraordinary people, places and experiences that have stimulated, disrupted, supported and challenged me. Collisions can be a life-giving gift.

So - I’m interested: what have been your worst and best collisions? How have they impacted and shaped you?

42 Comments

Nivedita Das Narayan

13/9/2017 09:37:22 am

Would you call a sudden, searing, serendipitous self-insight ( like a lightning spark of clarity) a collision as well? Especially if that aids in a transformative approach to, however small, an aspect of life?

Nick Wright

13/9/2017 09:41:38 am

Hi Nivedita. I think we do so in the English language with idiomatic phrases such as, 'It suddenly hit me that...' or 'It struck me that...' It's as if an insight, an idea has collided with us and made a significant and unexpected impact.

Marion Duff Registered MBACP

21/9/2017 10:23:30 pm

So true. We collide with one another and have scars at many levels. Doors open deep within the soul until we touch the will...that magical place of choice wherein we seem to know we are on a journey of self discovery. Suddenly our awareness is heightened, and we see the fight is with The Almighty Creator within and our lower self. What I did not hear or see before I hear now.

21/9/2017 10:27:00 pm

Thanks Marion. I think that's true. It's also true that we collide with one another and experience grace, blessings, love, healing etc. at many levels. I believe those are encounters with God too.

Marta Dana

21/9/2017 10:28:17 pm

Very interesting article, Nick. I am curious about how you see the connections between the negative or positive collisions and learning groups. Or is it a challenge for the readers ? ☺

21/9/2017 10:31:13 pm

Thanks Marta. I believe groups provide rich opportunities for learning and growth, including through what happens when people encounter, collide, conflict with one-another etc. Perhaps it's a question of how open we are to what is taking place in the moment and how skilful we are to incorporate it into a learning experience? What do you think?

Paul Vincent Clarke

22/9/2017 11:58:26 am

Yes you might liken your collisions to trials,and what did 'He' say of the Christian life?
A Christian life is full of trials,designed to bring you closer to maturity.

22/9/2017 11:59:46 am

Hi Paul. Yes, collisions can feel like trials. They can, too, feel like blessings - albeit sometimes in disguise.

Kelly Slade

25/9/2017 09:06:51 am

“I remember too so many ordinary-extraordinary people, places and experiences that have stimulated, disrupted, supported and challenged me. Collisions can be a life-giving gift.” This is very true a situation in my life meant to derail me, sent me to a welfare training program, which I ended up facilitating, which led me back to my passion for education and training. I love it when shift happens 😁

25/9/2017 09:09:10 am

Hi Kelly. What a great personal example of 'shift'.

It resonates with this short piece too: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/maybe

Your closing comment made me smile. :)

Debra Roberts (MLPI)

25/9/2017 09:09:49 am

Thankfully I haven't had any issues in the Training room 😜

25/9/2017 09:10:41 am

Hi Debra. That's a pity. Collisions in the training room sometimes provide the best opportunities for energy shift and learning. :)

Hok Lun Li

25/9/2017 09:11:16 am

Agree challenges against us is our self-training in life. It might help to emphasise at the outset the importance of mutual respect and putting our ego at bay. Particularly in adult education, issues being discussed are not black and white. Neither will there be clear-cut right or wrong answers. Brain-storming each other to grow together can be challenging, as well as enjoyable.

25/9/2017 09:13:26 am

Hi Hok. Yes, challenges can prove character-building. Disagreements in groups where issues are not black and white can often surface new ideas and ways of seeing and doing things - and avoid the risks of over-compliance and group think.

Marvin A Marcelino

25/9/2017 09:13:59 am

Rough wood against a sand paper both will be smooth in time. One you use against the other and take only the one you think is of use to self. Without the the other none will serve their specific function. Go collide!

25/9/2017 09:14:58 am

Hi Marvin. What a great metaphor. Yes, I agree...'Go collide!' ...and see what emerges as a result.

Steve Robinson

25/9/2017 09:15:32 am

Crikey! 19 motorcycle accidents and 8 car crashes? It's a miracle you are still with us. No wonder you bumped into Jesus. The only collisions I have had in training have been between trainees. Simple matter of conflict resolution in class has solved the issues. Learning how to resolve issues between others has been perhaps the best thing I have ever learned
As for all your accidents, I could design a "crash avoidance course" for you
(Tongue firmly in cheek 😂😂😂)

25/9/2017 09:17:21 am

Hi Steve. Yes, I think I've had a few too many accidents in life. :) I would be interested to hear more about how you have dealt with conflict resolution in class. Do you have any examples you could share?

26/9/2017 08:32:56 am

Hi Nick. I had two trainees going head to head in class over a road rule and the different interpretations of said rule. Sat with them taking down notes and asked the rest of the class to do likewise. Turned the conflict into a learning experience for all. Managed to keep it from escalating by asking questions of each in turn and then as a group, we all went through the pro's and con's of the argument. The group finally reached a decision that both were partially right in the interpretation of the rule but not 100% right. We did get a little off track, but it was worth the experience. The class really enjoyed being involved. I believe that they all benefited. I know I did as it was really a "spur of the moment" decision on my behalf. I also recognise that it could have gone totally wrong, but conflict resolution training made it happen.

26/9/2017 08:39:10 am

Wow, Steve - what an inspiring and creative way of dealing with conflict in the classroom! One of my most tricky situations I've had to deal with is where one person suddenly walked across the room and punched another person in the face, so hard that it floored him. I had no idea what had provoked it but discovered afterwards that the attacker believed the attacked was having an affair with his sister. Awkward. The best I could do was to remove both of them from the group to calm the situation and avoid it escalating. I used mediation techniques with them in a separate room. It wasn't easy but they shook hands in the end and left the room on better terms.

Cassie Sim

26/9/2017 08:39:48 am

I sure learn from this. Thanks Steve for your example.

Marianne Hertnagel

25/9/2017 10:19:55 am

Very interesting article, and I agree with you. How will a coach work with a client when such an intense experience in their lives happen?

25/9/2017 10:23:13 am

Thanks Marianne. In coaching, my sense is that we can offer cathartic space (e.g. 'How are you feeling now as you talk about this?'), reflective space (e.g. 'What is most important to you in this?'), sense-making space (e.g. 'What shifts is this experience creating for you?') and catalytic space (e.g. 'What next?'). What do you think?

Linda Randazzo

25/9/2017 10:23:58 am

Thought provoking read.

Rarely is life changing awareness present without disruption preceding that awareness. No one wants to be uncomfortable but if we think about it many times discomfort comes before growth.

25/9/2017 10:26:19 am

Thanks Linda. One of the maxims I sometimes use in team coaching is, 'Be disruptive!' That could involve, for instance, experimentation with different behaviours, focus points, methods, perspectives or experiences.

Karin Brauner-Hollman

25/9/2017 10:27:26 am

So true! many collisions are positive, and even from the negative ones can we gain positive results in due course and after lots of processing, thinking and feeling...thanks for this post, I enjoyed reading it!

25/9/2017 10:28:06 am

Thanks for such encouraging feedback, Karin! :)

Sarita Moore

25/9/2017 02:49:13 pm

Beautiful.

25/9/2017 02:49:38 pm

Thanks Sarita. That's very heart-warming.

Mel Oliver Wildermuth

26/9/2017 08:31:22 am

Mine was dying. I was brought back by paramedics with a defibrillator after many tries and many minutes. Thus, conflict in groups do not bother me as much. The other aspect is personality. We do a lot with the Big Five. So I am very good at reading people. Since personality is one of the number one issues of conflict in a group, I can referee a situation and try to bring people together.

26/9/2017 08:32:14 am

Hi Mel. Woah...that sounds dramatic! I'm curious - what is the Big Five?

Irene Gutmann, MSW

26/9/2017 08:46:11 am

I remember when I was a counselor with teens and their parents. When there was a crisis, we had an opening. People were more likely to be willing to change. We had move fast, guide strongly and confidently, and not be too comforting (until after the parent got the teen into counseling, rehab, or whatever was needed). After a crisis was over, people settled back into their lives and could go back to old defenses, especially denial. Coaching clients are more open to change. I think it's important to help them stay in the process and work through their feelings and figure out what flavor of lemonade they hope to get from the "lemons" they have encountered. I agree that there is an opening in the psyche. They can grow in a powerful way. If they leave coaching because they are busy handling the crisis, that's a shame.

26/9/2017 08:56:08 am

Hi Irene. I think that's a really profound insight and what a great 'lemon' metaphor. I love your description of 'an opening in the psyche'. In Gestalt coaching, we sometimes talk about co-creating a 'safe emergency' with a person or group that enables them to experiment and experience in new ways. Similarly, in theology and development we sometimes talk about 'kairos moments', pivotal moments, encounters and experiences (often borne out of crisis or conflict) that create radical shifts and prove transformational. I think it raises a caution in coaching and therapy to avoid trying to resolve a crisis too quickly, sometimes out of a desire to escape the discomfort or rescue the person or group rather than staying present, maintaining contact and focusing on what they need.

Taryn-lee Kearney

27/9/2017 04:33:00 pm

Nick, oh my gosh, cant believe that happens, in 6 years of training, I have been fortunate not to be in such a spot!

27/9/2017 04:34:55 pm

Hi Taryn-lee. All part of life's rich tapestry! :)

Diane Cothey

28/9/2017 08:44:04 am

This happens when there is sudden unexpected conflict in your life with people who you thought you were close to.

28/9/2017 08:45:25 am

Hi Diane. Very true. It's where people often describe feeling shocked, hurt, betrayed, disorientated etc.

Francesca Bennett

28/9/2017 08:46:38 am

Yes Diane. I relate to that.

I found Buddhism that was a positive thing for me at one point in my life, I seem to remember. I then again lost Buddhism. I am agnostic so the religious element does not awaken me..but understand how things can or would with others, including spirituality or religion of course it can have deep meaning.

Yvonne McCracken

28/9/2017 01:05:09 pm

Is it more challenging to deal with undercover collisions in a group?

28/9/2017 01:05:57 pm

Hi Yvonne. What an intriguing question! Do you mean, e.g. passive aggressive behaviour? Do you have any examples from experience in mind?

Michelle Alexander

3/10/2017 08:56:04 am

Great article and love the thought-provoking comments.

3/10/2017 08:56:27 am

Thanks Michelle. :)

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