Compassion

4/4/2021

Compassion has a human face.

It was that first day at school feeling, all over again. Except now I was 27. I stepped into the London School of Theology dining hall, confronted by a deafening sound of voices and clanking plates and an overwhelming sea of faces.

I was dressed in black leathers and motorcycle gear with my crash helmet in hand, but the child within felt tiny, lost and intimidated. I glanced around, searching for anyone familiar, a spare seat next to someone I vaguely recognised. Nothing – and no-one.

And then, surprisingly, my eyes settled on a young woman walking towards me, smiling, a striking look of care and kindness on her face. Jo reached out and asked me if I would like to join her and her friends at her table.

She was a stranger showing compassion to a stranger. I felt rescued and relieved. A sense of being invited, welcomed, the beginnings of belonging. It felt good, warm, strengthening, sacred. And I have never forgotten it.

This Jo came to mind afresh this Easter. It’s so easy to reduce our humanity, and our spirituality where we hold it, to abstract principles. But Jo’s example speaks to me of something different – to reach out with kindness and show compassion.

22 Comments

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

4/4/2021 11:28:36 am

That is so profound Nick. When we experience compassion it is visceral and brings so much healing and connection.

Nick Wright

4/4/2021 11:37:15 am

Thank you, Stella. Yes, indeed. I remember many years ago now, feeling pretty crushed with pressure and stress for a whole range of reasons. I was sitting at my dining room table at night with my head in my hands when, to my surprise, the doorbell rang. My pastor, Adrian, was standing on the doorstep holding a large box with pizza. He said he had been praying that evening and I had come to mind. 'I thought you might need this!' As we sat and ate pizza together, I felt the pressure and stress begin to lift. Amazing - the profound impact of simple acts of kindness.

4/4/2021 08:46:14 pm

That resonates Nick - those times when we are in pain and someone reaches out just at the right moment and makes such a difference. Truly as humans we need meaningful connections with other people. It isn't always about grand gestures but when we find ourselves thinking about someone that we do something to connect with them. It is the heart behind the pizza that made the difference I believe for you that evening. What a wonderful Pastor.

4/4/2021 08:56:17 pm

Thanks Stella. Yes, the smallest touch can communicate the greatest love.

Liz Dunphy

4/4/2021 10:56:42 pm

The ability to welcome another person and help them feel safe in a situation is a wonderful skill.

5/4/2021 12:29:33 pm

Hi Liz. Yes indeed, especially if it arises from authentic empathy and care. Here's another great example, this time from a Christian social worker friend and colleague in Germany:

The power of presence: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence

Sue Heatherington

5/4/2021 11:15:26 am

Being seen and heard is such a core need for us as human beings - thank you for your story Nick. 🌿

5/4/2021 12:25:13 pm

Thank you, Sue. Yes, I agree. On the theme of being seen, you may find these short related pieces resonate too?

*Seen and unseen: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/seen-and-unseen
*I see you: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-see-you

6/4/2021 11:59:04 am

Thank you Nick - this was a lovely way of getting to know you, and see you, more. 🌿

6/4/2021 12:04:01 pm

Thank you for such a kind response, Sue. When I read your comment '...and see you', it added, for me, a qualitative dimension to the language we sometimes use vis a vis social media: to increase our 'visibility'. It also reminded me of a couple of short reflective pieces about why we may, at times, prefer to be not-seen:

*Façades: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/-faades
*Hide and seek: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/-faades

7/4/2021 07:06:23 pm

Thanks, Nick. We do need to appreciate what drives us undercover and face the challenge. "So therein lies the challenge. As a leader and a coach, am I willing to make myself vulnerable so that others can be vulnerable too?" In my experience this is vital, and as you suggest we need to know how to inhabit a safe space to do this. One of the commitments I made in writing a daily blog post, was that it would always be in real-time reality - I can't just write about concepts or give second-hand information and I don't write far in advance! 🌿

7/4/2021 07:12:12 pm

Thanks Sue. Your comment about writing in 'real-time reality' intrigued me. Does that mean, say, writing about your here-and-now experience as it happens for you? I write a mixture of personal reflections, experiences and ideas; along with (often) reference to other related material that informs, stretches or challenges my beliefs, assumptions etc. That helps me grow in critical reflexivity and critical reflective practice...and I hope it does the same for those who read and respond to my blogs too.

7/4/2021 07:27:21 pm

This sounds like we are on a similar page Nick. For me, there was also the challenge to write in the present and not store up a slew of posts to line up for publication, given that I do publish every single day (except Sunday). It has been training in being present, in paying attention, in noticing and listening, and not writing things that I had not been prepared to make real for myself. Writing the book was of course different to this... and was only published after four major re-drafts! 🌿

7/4/2021 08:02:24 pm

Thanks Sue. I'm impressed that you have written a book. Tell us a bit more about it? I see my website as my 'living book'. I've had the privilege of studying and working in a variety of fields throughout my life and I'm keen to make that learning available to others, especially those in poorer countries who could never afford a formal education. In that sense, this website is a learning resource base that is constantly evolving over time.

7/4/2021 10:45:34 pm

Having visited your website I think it - and you in your life - are 'living books' that can be read by many. My daily posts are also living in that sense too. My book is 'Quiet Disruptors: Creating Change Without Shouting', which we published in January https://quietdisruptors.com/book/ 🌿

7/4/2021 10:46:10 pm

Thank you, Sue - and for the link. I will check it out!

Samantha Dillon

5/4/2021 02:13:56 pm

Unfortunately, we often hold back and wait for other people to act or talk. I want to keep reminding myself to do it better and to approach people without detours or excuses. Thanks Jo!

5/4/2021 04:06:02 pm

Hi Samantha. Thank you for your honest response. Yes, me too. Here's the most radical example I've encountered of proactive responsiveness. She continually challenges and inspires me: https://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Nathalie Britten - PCC

6/4/2021 01:34:55 pm

Great article Nick. The smallest of gestures can have such profound impact.

6/4/2021 01:39:27 pm

Thank you, Nathalie. Yes, indeed...and, on reflection, I doubt that Jo had any idea at the time that her simple act of compassion would have such a profound and long-lasting impact on me.

(I wish I could find a way to find her today to let her know!)

On that theme, this short piece may resonate too? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/human

Ian Henderson

6/4/2021 01:51:49 pm

And what does compassion actually cost us???????

6/4/2021 01:54:57 pm

Hi Ian. Good question. Sometimes...everything. Yet, in the long run and in the grander scheme of things...as well as at a more deeply personal level...always worth the cost.

Compassion

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