‘If one door closes…kick it down.’ (Adrian Hawkes)
Patience isn’t my greatest virtue. Some of the most pain-inducing words for me are ‘wait’ or ‘let go’. I have learned patience at work, yet in my personal life, now often feels nowhere near fast enough. Instinctively, I’m with Pastor Adrian Hawkes who had a graphic way of challenging apathy, passivity and fatalism. His focus was on agency and dramatic leaps of faith. Do it. Do it now. Action man. Yet, years have passed by and I’m older now. I’ve faced closed doors that have stubbornly refused to re-open no matter how hard I have pleaded, pounded or kicked hard at them. It could have been a person, a relationship or a cause. For some, it could be a bereavement, an illness or a redundancy. It’s someone or something over which we have no power or control to change. An ending that really is the end. Against this backdrop, I read a very insightful and inspiring piece by Helen Sanderson-White this morning: Celebrating Closed Doors. In it, she describes the transition between letting go of one door and waiting for a new door to open: ‘The hardest part of this journey is the corridor of in-between. Sometimes we can stand in the corridor waiting for a long time before another door opens.’ (Cf: ‘Everything looks like a failure in the middle. Everyone loves inspiring beginnings and happy endings; it is just the middles that involve hard work.’ (Rosabeth Moss-Kanter). ‘It’s not (necessarily) so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear. It’s like being between trapezes. There’s nothing to hold on to.’ (Marilyn Ferguson).) Sanderson-White, with echoes of William Bridges’ Managing Transitions, draws on biblical material to inject a sense of hope, and a hope of sense-making too, in the midst of such corridor experiences. Sometimes it’s about learning patience, acceptance and trust. At other times, it’s about a deep leap of faith, taking a risk and looking up openly and expectantly to see what fresh opportunities emerge. Have you ever felt like Tom Hanks in 'The Terminal' (2004) – trapped in transition? Who or what got you through it?
16 Comments
Sharon King
30/6/2021 01:59:46 pm
In some instances in life, you have to push through and in others you have to wait it out. That's the hard part knowing when to push and knowing when to wait. In my own life, when I ran the London Marathon, I was at mile 23, the furthest I had ever run, and God I so wanted to stop but I knew if I stopped I would never get going again! 😁This was an inner struggle and a physical one. This was something I could control. So I pushed through. In other situations where I wasnt in control, lets say in a relationship, i had to gracefully let go, but even that, took time and wisdom to understand this deeply.
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Nick Wright
30/6/2021 03:41:44 pm
Hi Sharon and thank you for sharing so vividly from personal experience. Yes, knowing when to push and knowing when to wait...or to let go altogether...can be a perplexing question at times, especially if our intense emotional state clouds our thinking or discernment.
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Elise
30/6/2021 02:07:58 pm
I frequently take the 'leap of faith', but having not received the memo when Patience was being handed out, I have found that alcohol gets me through the 'waiting period'. I'm endeavouring to ensure that anxiety/fear doesn't rule that time but that I can enjoy the view in the meantime.
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Nick Wright
30/6/2021 04:03:48 pm
Thank you, Elise, for always responding with such honesty! :) You reminded me of a once-famous UK political leader I met who had found himself, in later years, on the back benches of Parliament. I asked him how he coped, personally, with seeing so much that he had worked for being now undone. He leaned across to me and said, quite simply and sadly, 'Alcohol.'
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Betsy Mansour
30/6/2021 04:16:45 pm
When the time in the corridor is over, sooner or later I can talk about it, relieved or relaxed. But during this time of waiting and uncertainty, it's terrible. "God shows me the way" is a comforting sentence in retrospect, but it doesn't get me very far at this moment when I'm restless and torn, disappointed and depressed. I hope, of course, that God is by my side. If I don't see the way straight away, it will at least give me moments of calm and distraction. Small steps towards the path on which God wants to lead me. Even if it's a tough time emotionally and maybe also physically.
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Nick Wright
30/6/2021 04:39:28 pm
Thank you, Betsy, for describing your personal experience of 'corridor' so graphically and honestly. Yes, there can sometimes feel like a big gap between abstract theology and lived experience. Some things can only be known by having been there, having lived through them...and having come through the other side.
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Stella Goddard
30/6/2021 06:54:39 pm
Ah Nick....that in between place where what was familiar has ended or changed and we're not sure what to do.
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Nick Wright
30/6/2021 07:01:48 pm
Thanks Stella. 'I have found that pounding on a shut door doesn't make it open. Sometimes it is firmly shut for a reason even if we don't know why this might be.' Yes, that can be so true.
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Stella Goddard
1/7/2021 08:01:39 pm
Nick, prayer and the peace of God helps me discern whether to wait, stop or go.
Nick Wright
1/7/2021 08:02:26 pm
Thanks Stella. That helps me too.
Alex
30/6/2021 10:57:17 pm
Thanks Nick for your stirring reflections. When I think of my own ‘corridor’ times, I remember reading that there’s no such thing as ‘waiting’, other than if we make it that. The idea being that something is happening, we just don’t know what. When ‘waiting’ seems uncomfortably passive, I prefer to think of it as anticipating.
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Nick Wright
1/7/2021 12:03:22 am
Thank you, Alex. Yes, reframing waiting as anticipating does evoke a more active feeling. On 'the threshold, neither in the house nor out of it' is evocative imagery too.
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Antonella Pagliarani
5/7/2021 06:28:23 pm
Thank you Nick for your stimulus! The value of the corridor of “in-between” makes me face the power of the unknown, where I found myself searching for new directions...
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Nick Wright
5/7/2021 06:29:58 pm
Thank you, Antonella. You're welcome. :) 'Face the power of the unknown' sounds intriguing. Do you have an example from personal experience that you would be happy to share here..?
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Suzanne Vizcarra
6/7/2021 11:01:00 pm
Sometimes in life I've said "Stop, I want to get off" as if speaking to the guy who controls the ride at the amusement park.
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Nick Wright
6/7/2021 11:01:49 pm
Hi Suzanne. I can certainly identify with that feeling! :)
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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