Corridors

30/6/2021

‘If one door closes…kick it down.’ (Adrian Hawkes)

Patience isn’t my greatest virtue. Some of the most pain-inducing words for me are ‘wait’ or ‘let go’. I have learned patience at work, yet in my personal life, now often feels nowhere near fast enough. Instinctively, I’m with Pastor Adrian Hawkes who had a graphic way of challenging apathy, passivity and fatalism. His focus was on agency and dramatic leaps of faith. Do it. Do it now. Action man.

Yet, years have passed by and I’m older now. I’ve faced closed doors that have stubbornly refused to re-open no matter how hard I have pleaded, pounded or kicked hard at them. It could have been a person, a relationship or a cause. For some, it could be a bereavement, an illness or a redundancy. It’s someone or something over which we have no power or control to change. An ending that really is the end.

Against this backdrop, I read a very insightful and inspiring piece by Helen Sanderson-White this morning: Celebrating Closed Doors. In it, she describes the transition between letting go of one door and waiting for a new door to open: ‘The hardest part of this journey is the corridor of in-between. Sometimes we can stand in the corridor waiting for a long time before another door opens.’

(Cf: ‘Everything looks like a failure in the middle. Everyone loves inspiring beginnings and happy endings; it is just the middles that involve hard work.’ (Rosabeth Moss-Kanter). ‘It’s not (necessarily) so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear. It’s like being between trapezes. There’s nothing to hold on to.’ (Marilyn Ferguson).)

Sanderson-White, with echoes of William Bridges’ Managing Transitions, draws on biblical material to inject a sense of hope, and a hope of sense-making too, in the midst of such corridor experiences. Sometimes it’s about learning patience, acceptance and trust. At other times, it’s about a deep leap of faith, taking a risk and looking up openly and expectantly to see what fresh opportunities emerge.

Have you ever felt like Tom Hanks in 'The Terminal' (2004) – trapped in transition? Who or what got you through it?

17 Comments

Sharon King

30/6/2021 01:59:46 pm

In some instances in life, you have to push through and in others you have to wait it out. That's the hard part knowing when to push and knowing when to wait. In my own life, when I ran the London Marathon, I was at mile 23, the furthest I had ever run, and God I so wanted to stop but I knew if I stopped I would never get going again! 😁This was an inner struggle and a physical one. This was something I could control. So I pushed through. In other situations where I wasnt in control, lets say in a relationship, i had to gracefully let go, but even that, took time and wisdom to understand this deeply.

Nick Wright

30/6/2021 03:41:44 pm

Hi Sharon and thank you for sharing so vividly from personal experience. Yes, knowing when to push and knowing when to wait...or to let go altogether...can be a perplexing question at times, especially if our intense emotional state clouds our thinking or discernment.

I really like your example of running a marathon. I have no idea what that's like as I've never even attempted such a feat(!). However, I have heard marathon runners talk about 'the wall', and the need to mentally and physically push through it to reach the end.

On that theme, I've been to support a good friend and mentor, Adrian Spurrell, a couple of times as he has been running marathons. One thing that struck me very deeply was the difference that having people around us, to support us, can make. It's so very different to being alone:

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/marathon
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/run

Elise

30/6/2021 02:07:58 pm

I frequently take the 'leap of faith', but having not received the memo when Patience was being handed out, I have found that alcohol gets me through the 'waiting period'. I'm endeavouring to ensure that anxiety/fear doesn't rule that time but that I can enjoy the view in the meantime.

30/6/2021 04:03:48 pm

Thank you, Elise, for always responding with such honesty! :) You reminded me of a once-famous UK political leader I met who had found himself, in later years, on the back benches of Parliament. I asked him how he coped, personally, with seeing so much that he had worked for being now undone. He leaned across to me and said, quite simply and sadly, 'Alcohol.'

Yes, one of the dangers of the corridor is that, in that place, some of our worst anxieties and fears can emerge. I really like Helen Sanderson-White's reflection that: 'If we are to go through the open door, we must have the strength, wisdom and character to steward what is on the other side of it.' The waiting place can be an important learning place, preparing us for what next.

I loved your comment, 'having not received the memo when Patience was being handed out...' :) William Bridges, in his book, compares the 'neutral zone' (the corridor) with the biblical account of Israel in the wilderness, between Egypt and the Promised Land. It was a place of learning trust...but it was also often a place of kicking and screaming all the way. I can so relate to that!

Betsy Mansour

30/6/2021 04:16:45 pm

When the time in the corridor is over, sooner or later I can talk about it, relieved or relaxed. But during this time of waiting and uncertainty, it's terrible. "God shows me the way" is a comforting sentence in retrospect, but it doesn't get me very far at this moment when I'm restless and torn, disappointed and depressed. I hope, of course, that God is by my side. If I don't see the way straight away, it will at least give me moments of calm and distraction. Small steps towards the path on which God wants to lead me. Even if it's a tough time emotionally and maybe also physically.

30/6/2021 04:39:28 pm

Thank you, Betsy, for describing your personal experience of 'corridor' so graphically and honestly. Yes, there can sometimes feel like a big gap between abstract theology and lived experience. Some things can only be known by having been there, having lived through them...and having come through the other side.

I can look back on so many situations in my own life where things felt terrible, seemed impossible at the time and yet worked out well in the end. Yet even so, each new challenge and corridor experience can feel as testing as the last one. I think this is where faith, trust and character really can grow, although not always easily.

I hope you will discern God's presence, voice and hope in whatever corridor trials you are experiencing at the moment and that others will be around to support you through it. 'Small steps towards the path on which God wants to lead me.' What a great way to express a journey of faith.

Stella Goddard

30/6/2021 06:54:39 pm

Ah Nick....that in between place where what was familiar has ended or changed and we're not sure what to do.

I have found that pounding on a shut door doesn't make it open. Sometimes it is firmly shut for a reason even if we don't know why this might be.

When l have been in corridors l have found doing what l know can help with steadying me and being able to see and go through the open doors.

30/6/2021 07:01:48 pm

Thanks Stella. 'I have found that pounding on a shut door doesn't make it open. Sometimes it is firmly shut for a reason even if we don't know why this might be.' Yes, that can be so true.

(You reminded me of a great satirical moment in the movie 'Knight and Day' (have you seen it?) where Roy (Tom Cruise) had subtly tried to warn June (Cameron Diaz), whose way had been blocked, of an impending disaster - but she hadn't understood what he had meant at the time.

Afterwards, the Roy character comments: 'When I said, "Sometimes things happen for a reason"... ', the June character explodes: 'That's not a warning, Roy! That's like a saying on a bumper sticker. Next time, try, "June, if you get on that plane, you will freaking die!".')

And yet, at other times, I've kicked the proverbial door down and discovered all kinds of amazing things on the other side of it. Here's a personal example (on which you kindly commented too at the time) where I refused to accept the apparent closing of a door: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/fall

I keep thinking about Jesus in the Bible too. Often, he deliberately puts what look like stumbling blocks in people's way, as if to challenge them with a test to see how far they are really willing to go to discover him and the true meaning of what he was saying and doing. In other situations, he makes his meaning clear and simply asks us to trust him.

Part of the challenge and opportunity for me is, therefore, to discern when to leave a door closed and to move on...and when to push hard through the door to reach the other side. I'd love to hear more. How have you learned to navigate your way through that often-mysterious discernment process?

1/7/2021 08:01:39 pm

Nick, prayer and the peace of God helps me discern whether to wait, stop or go.

1/7/2021 08:02:26 pm

Thanks Stella. That helps me too.

Alex

30/6/2021 10:57:17 pm

Thanks Nick for your stirring reflections. When I think of my own ‘corridor’ times, I remember reading that there’s no such thing as ‘waiting’, other than if we make it that. The idea being that something is happening, we just don’t know what. When ‘waiting’ seems uncomfortably passive, I prefer to think of it as anticipating.

The corridor notion, also reminded me of the Celtic Christian idea of the ‘Liminal’ - literally the threshold , neither in the house nor out of it. And boy! I can think of times that’s where I’ve found myself. And in one of those times, I found this prayer from Thomas Merton reassuring.

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

“The Merton Prayer” from Thoughts in Solitude Copyright © 1956, 1958 by The Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani. Used by permission of Farrar Straus Giroux.

Thanks again Nick

1/7/2021 12:03:22 am

Thank you, Alex. Yes, reframing waiting as anticipating does evoke a more active feeling. On 'the threshold, neither in the house nor out of it' is evocative imagery too.

I love the prayer of Thomas Merton that you shared. It speaks to me of deep trust in the presence and goodness of God, as well as in the mysterious guidance of God.

Antonella Pagliarani

5/7/2021 06:28:23 pm

Thank you Nick for your stimulus! The value of the corridor of “in-between” makes me face the power of the unknown, where I found myself searching for new directions...

5/7/2021 06:29:58 pm

Thank you, Antonella. You're welcome. :) 'Face the power of the unknown' sounds intriguing. Do you have an example from personal experience that you would be happy to share here..?

Suzanne Vizcarra

6/7/2021 11:01:00 pm

Sometimes in life I've said "Stop, I want to get off" as if speaking to the guy who controls the ride at the amusement park.

6/7/2021 11:01:49 pm

Hi Suzanne. I can certainly identify with that feeling! :)

Tara Parker link

21/7/2021 07:55:40 pm

Nick,

Haven’t we all been crazily knocking and kicking and screaming at that closed door? Sometimes the door just recently closed and sometimes the door has been closed for a long time. Moving away from either door is difficult because we don’t always understand that a closed door has a new purpose. If we didn’t close the door we may not be ready to see the purpose but hopefully we do, soon. Patience, right?

A time when I was in an early transition (early 20’s) I remember looking for a person to blame. If I found the person to blame they could change my situation. They could stop the transition. I learned that I was the person to blame. I was to blame for not trusting me when others did. I was to blame when I didn’t believe in me though others did. I was to blame because I had the power to control my response to the transition as I could not control the transition.

Having that “power” gave me a sense of freedom but, bittersweetly, it meant I could handle any transition with any response I opted. I’ve used that ability to this day and have found it a tried and true philosophy. I wish I could bestow it within more people.

Great work. Provocative and enticing.

Tara Parker

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