Curiosity

25/5/2020

‘The mind is a fire to be kindled, not a vessel to be filled.’ (Plutarch)

Curiosity killed the cat. True? The allegations were never proved. As far as I’m concerned, curiosity is innocent and the accusations were fake news. My 5 year old daughter asks me, ‘Dad, why is it cold downstairs but hot upstairs?’ ‘Because warm air rises’ I reply, gesturing a floating-upwards movement with my hands. ‘But why does it rise?’ Now that’s curiosity. Posing a question beyond the question; being not-satisfied to accept things at face value.

Curiosity is a pre-requisite for learning, discovery and change. It’s a psychological state and a metaphysical stance. It means I am open; willing to engage actively in a spirit of invitation and inquiry. It means I am seeking; I want to know and, as such, I’m excited by fresh insights, ideas or challenges to what I think I already know and understand. As such, it’s a healthy and courageous antidote to the fight-flight-freeze response of defensive anxiety.

What does curiosity entail in practice? How can we do it? 1. Suspend our already-knowing; hold it lightly, as-if possibility. 2. Expose ourselves to new and diverse people, cultures and experiences. 3. Listen and hear, especially for useful dissonance with our own assumptions and beliefs. 4. Be courageous in seeking critique and in responding graciously, with humility. 5. Inspire colleagues and clients to practise it too.

What do we want? More curiosity! When do we want it? Now!!

Can I help you develop greater curiosity in your work? Get in touch! 

48 Comments

Gwen Griffith

26/5/2020 12:44:51 am

Yes!!! 1-5 list is terrific!! And I’d add Listening for the unique generational nuances of how a different generation thinks, feels, sees, and knows. Thanks for this!

Nick Wright

26/5/2020 09:58:16 am

Thanks for such encouraging feedback, Gwen! Yes, I think 'listening for the unique generational nuances' resonates well with points 1-3. The differences between generations, even within the same general culture, can be so significant that it feels like a cross-cultural experience.

Jan Faulkner

26/5/2020 08:56:50 am

Being curious and challenging can be very rewarding.

Nick Wright

26/5/2020 10:09:58 am

Hi Jan. Indeed. Do you have any examples from experience you could share here?

During contracting phases with clients in e.g. coaching, action learning and training, I seek to evoke and invite clients into a curious state from the outset. In doing so, it enables clients authentically to invite challenge and respond openly to it, rather than to feel that challenge is something imposed on them.

One of the best examples I have seen in a training environment is Ian Henderson of Eagle Training. Ian specialises in management development and starts each workshop with something unusual or unexpected; e.g. to tell half a story...then stop without finishing it, without explanation.

It's a great way of evoking a state of curiosity in the group which means they engage more actively and openly with Ian and with all that follows.

Carl Williams BSc, MA, MA

26/5/2020 05:52:11 pm

As curiosity is an integral part of systemically working, it is indeed a double edged sword, in which the saying of "curiosity killed the cat" originated from. Maybe being curiously curious, is a more positive way to explore 😁

Nick Wright

26/5/2020 05:57:46 pm

Hi Carl. Intriguing. Can you say more about 'a double-edged sword'? Do you have an example from systemic working that you could share here? I was interested, in writing this blog, to discover that (according to Wiki, at least!), the original expression was 'Care killed the cat'. In this instance, 'care' was defined as 'worry' or 'sorrow for others. I like the phrase 'curiously curious'. It adds another level of intrigue. :)

Carl Williams BSc, MA, MA

26/5/2020 09:39:17 pm

Yes, the double edged sword can be reflective of the reasons for our curiosity. Within systemic client work, you must be cautious with your exploration; because you could be satisfying your curiosity which may not be helping the client. So although you may find the narrative interesting, doesn't mean it is what is needed for the client to understand their situation. Ethics needs to be adhere to, when using curiosity, you may have someone interested or curious to know what the workings of a live heart look like: doesn't mean they should cut open a living thing to view it. I have just finished an essay on the use of curiosity within systemic practice, which is why I commented.

Nick Wright

26/5/2020 09:57:46 pm

Hi Carl. I'm glad you did comment! Thank you for sharing such interesting and important reflections on ethics of curiosity. I like the heart metaphor - it's very graphic. Yes, something I highlight in coach and action learning training is the importance of clarity of role and purpose for each of the participants involved: What are we here to do? How shall we do this - including roles, focus and parameters?

In my experience, coaches can become drawn into the client's narrative for a number of reasons; e.g. because they find it fascinating; because they face similar-sounding issues or situations themselves and therefore over-identify; or because they implicitly believe that, if the could understand enough of the client's issue or situation, they could resolve it for them.

In my own practice, I try to evoke curiosity in the client; i.e. to grow in awareness, understanding, agency and resourcefulness in his or her own situation - not for me to know more about his or her situation on his or her behalf, because actually I don't need to. At the same time, I'm curious about the client; e.g. what is in his or her awareness (and not); what is he or she noticing or focusing on (and not) - which draws wider systemic and cultural issues into the frame too.

I would be very interested to read your essay if you would would be OK to share it at some point. You may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/just-enough It received some interesting responses. Let me know what you think?

Carl Williams BSc, MA, MA

27/5/2020 12:41:59 pm

Hi Nick, I'm happy to send you the essay, once it has been graded. It's a masters essay for systemic practice in therapeutic work. With curiosity and encouraging it in others, there are therapeutic elements which need to be considered, e.g. What would happen if you encouraged someone to explore their social anxiety, then they start having flash backs to being ridiculed and bullied as a child? There are different "Zones" of curiosity, in addition to different elements required for it to occur. To aid in the exploration of that requires a more therapeutic approach.

Nick Wright

27/5/2020 12:48:53 pm

Thanks Carl. Yes, I think that touches again on roles, focus and parameters (or boundaries). In practice, it means I contract explicitly with a client to ensure my interventions are not unwelcome, invasive or intrusive. Its one reason why, for me, it's important to ensure that the client is in the 'driving seat', rather than coaching being something that is imposed on them. As a psychological coach, if I notice that the client is moving the conversation in a therapeutic direction, I will reflect that back as an observation and work with the client to identify where, outside of the coaching relationship, he or she may want to address those issues raised and how. I look forward to reading your essay!

Carl Williams BSc, MA, MA

27/5/2020 12:50:24 pm

It would be interesting to see your views "neutrality" and "positioning" when working with people. So how would you or if you are working from a place of being neutral with clients, or are you not neutral? Additionally, your position with clients, are you seen as the professional, an advisor, a collaborator, a learning, or do you move from different positions?

Nick Wright

27/5/2020 01:17:28 pm

Thanks Carl. Those are great questions. In terms of 'neutrality', it's a complex issue and partly depends on what we mean by the term. I don't think it's possible to work from an absolute neutral base since our personal and cultural beliefs, values, experiences etc. will always colour what we notice (and not), what we see as significant (or not), what we believe an appropriate intervention is (or not) - and often outside of our own awareness too.

It is possible, however, to work as well as we can, in an open and curious spirit, to seek to avoid imposing our own beliefs, values, experiences etc. onto our clients, and to learn and expand our awareness before, during and after each encounter. This is where clear contracting and critically-reflexive supervision can be particularly valuable - and ethically critical.

The positioning question is interesting too. Again, it depends on what I contract with a client vis a vis respective roles, focus and parameters. It's quite complex at deeper psychological, cultural and systemic levels because, in spite of whatever is discussed and agreed explicitly, broader human-relational dynamics will be played out, again often out of awareness. Again - the criticality of reflexive supervision.

I would be interested to hear your own thoughts on these questions too. In the meantime, this short article may be of interest. I wrote it some years ago when I was first grappling with these issues in my work: http://www.nick-wright.com/dialectics-at-work.html. Also a couple of short blogs challenging ideas of cultural neutrality in coaching: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spotlight; http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/bubbles

Carl Williams BSc MA MA

27/5/2020 05:43:48 pm

Are you training to be a therapist? Because you seem to have a good level of awareness. There is an acronym called GRRAACCCES by Burnham (1992:24), which covers a lot of Systemic awareness within Culture etc.
It stands for Gender, Race, Religion, Abilities, Age, Culture, Colour, Class, ethnicity and Sexual orientation.

Nick Wright

27/5/2020 05:47:35 pm

Hi Carl. No, I'm not training to be a therapist but I am qualified as a psychological coach and there are some commonalities. If of interest, this short article aims to articulate something of my psychological approach to coaching and OD: http://www.nick-wright.com/seeing-is-believing.html

I haven't come across that acronym before (or an acronym that long before!) but I can see it has resonances with some of the dimensions I outlined in the Dialectics article.

Neill Hahn

29/5/2020 04:02:07 am

I am wondering if your (Carl) suggestion was intended to be "cautiously curious"? That seems like a sound practice, and is the one that I adopt from that old saying, rather than avoid being curious, which would never allow any development. The other extreme, "leaping into the unknown" is a recipe for a short life, which is what the saying would be referring to, but I prefer to bypass avoident approaches.

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 04:05:53 am

Hi Neill. Ah - yes: 'Cautiously curious' would be quite a different angle to the one I had assumed. On 'leaping into the unknown is a recipe for a short life' (which made me smile!), have a glance at this short piece? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/just-do-it

Carl Williams BSc, MA, MA

29/5/2020 12:34:59 pm

Neill Hahn: yeap, type lol.

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 12:39:45 pm

Ooops. I effectively modelled ‘thinking I already know’ when I saw the typo...in contrast to Neill’s more curious ‘wondering’ response! 🥴

Ian Henderson link

27/5/2020 11:03:55 am

Spot on as usual Nick. I just love curiosity. Sadly it's in short supply as people tend to be more judgmental than curious: "He's such an idiot" as opposed to "I wonder why he's done that?" I love how children are so naturally curious. Maybe we need to reconnect with the child within us all and become more childlike (not childish). I'm reminded of Sir Kenneth Robinson who tells of a child drawing a picture. When the teacher asked her who she was drawing a picture of, the child replied "God". The teacher told the child that no-one actually knew what God looked like the young girl replied, "They will do in a minute"!

I'm saddened how we sometimes let our inner beliefs inhibit our innate sense of wonder. But, we can all be more curious if we give ourselves permission to be so.

In doing so, we have to also be careful that our unconscious biases don't get in the way.

Anyway.......Nice one Nick!

Nick Wright

27/5/2020 12:34:56 pm

Thanks Ian. Yes, it's interesting to notice how naturally 'wondering' children are, particularly in contrast to most adults. Perhaps, as adults, we place our trust too readily in what we have already learned and believe we already know. This enables us to make sense of situations and to take decisions quickly, rather than having to learn each situation as-if new all over again. At the same time, it can make us unaware of or resistant to fresh insights and ideas - hence the risk of unconscious bias etc. On curiosity vs judgement, you may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/fantasy

Ian Henderson link

28/5/2020 12:48:21 pm

Hi Nick. In this context, you might like to take a look at 3 of my blogs that are on our website. I'd be interested in your thoughts, comments or questions.

https://eagletraining.co.uk/2020/04/17/situational-paradigm-shifts-judgement-curiosity/

https://eagletraining.co.uk/2020/05/08/power-of-belief-4-minute-mile/

https://eagletraining.co.uk/2019/11/22/curiosity-enhance-life-business/

Nick Wright

28/5/2020 01:57:43 pm

Hi Ian. Thank you for sharing the links. Much appreciated!

Andi Wright

27/5/2020 12:01:52 pm

I hope I didn’t kill the cat! 🥺

Nick Wright

27/5/2020 12:39:52 pm

Hi Andi. You made me laugh! 😂 I’m quite sure the cat survived the incident intact and, even if it didn’t, I have it on good authority that the cat still had 8 lives in credit. 👍🐱🐈

Stella Goddard

27/5/2020 03:31:33 pm

An interesting piece Nick that has got me reflecting about all sorts of things in terms of my work and my relationship with my clients. When clients tell me how things are for them I am curious to know and understand more. Inevitably it is important to reflect on why it is that I am curious - do I need to know to help me to help them or do I think I need to know because it would be interesting for me to know (but not necessarily of any use therapeutically.)

Another thought that is going through my mind at the moment is when clients are curious about me and want to know things which are personal. Can I hold their curiosity about me and respond in a way that is compassionate and 'hearing' whilst remembering that self-disclosure is not something that I generally do for many complex reasons. Often clients have been silenced by someone significant - when I respond gently and with respect I need to ensure that they don't feel rejected, dismissed or belittled for asking me. I must also hold on to my sense of self and remember that whilst they may be curious about me it is not necessary for them to know the answers to some of the questions that they may be curious about. Some questions lead to more questions which it is not appropriate to answer. So to conclude I would be asking myself why am I curious? what will I do with this sense of curiosity and with my clients 'why are you curious? what will you/we do with this sense of curiosity?

Nick Wright

27/5/2020 05:42:36 pm

Thanks Stella. Very thoughtful reflections. A friend and counsellor, Brian Watts, uses the expression: 'What is in the best interests of the client?' That makes good sense in principle, but isn't always that clear in practice. For instance, who decides what is in the client's best interest, or how does the client's apparent best interest relate to the best interests of others in the clients' system? I guess, against this backdrop, we could ask, 'Whose interests is my curiosity serving?' and, 'If I evoke and follow the client's curiosity, how will that serve his or her best interests?'

I think the point you raise about a client being curious about you personally raises some very interesting points in a therapeutic context, especially for practitioners from a psychodynamic or psychoanalytic tradition who aim to present a 'blank screen' or 'blank slate' to the client. It sounds like you are sensitive to the potential for a client feeling hurt or rejected if you don't offer self-disclosure. So it's how to encourage the client to be curious in relation to the issues they want to work on, whilst also holding your own personal and professional boundaries?

Aida Bermudo S

28/5/2020 01:52:45 pm

What a beautiful writing style, Nick. I love the "killed the cat" opener and twist on it; then the story of your child's questions; then finally tying it in with coaching tips. Masterful. Love it!

Nick Wright

28/5/2020 01:55:15 pm

Hi Aida. Thank you for such encouraging feedback! 😀

Ludmila Praslova, Ph.D.

28/5/2020 04:22:41 pm

Love the points (and the cats).

Nick Wright

28/5/2020 04:25:44 pm

Thank you, Ludmila! 🐱

Anita Angileri

29/5/2020 03:07:18 am

I really like number 4: 'Be courageous in seeking critique'. It's so important to ask for and openly receive feedback and to not shy away from it. I think critique is often viewed as a negative and although it can be confronting and can result in a shot confidence, it's so critical we push past that and hold onto a growth mindset. To develop we have to know what areas to focus on. I also think another important point to develop curiosity is OD is ask questions! Your daughter has the right idea. Question everything and anything! I think you might have an OD enthusiast in the making on your hands...

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 03:52:12 am

Thank you, Anita. Yes, an important point vis a vis feedback. I find that if I'm able to create a psychological and emotional state of curiosity in myself (similar to your idea of growth mindset) and then invite feedback from that place, I'm able to hear, feel and respond to it very differently to, say, feedback that arrives unexpectedly or uninvited.

That's a very good and important point about asking questions. It's certainly a key skill in OD practice, e.g. in using appreciative inquiry or process consultation. I have found over the years in my own OD practice that I've shifted a bit from posing questions to seeking to enable the client/team/organisation ask different questions of itself.

Here's a short example from team development: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/mirror. I have a friend and colleague, Ian Gray, asks: 'What are the key questions that, if we were to answer them would...(e.g. enable us to make strategic decisions)?' I like that. Here's another short related piece: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots

Let me know what you think?

Anita Angileri

29/5/2020 12:42:18 pm

Great articles Nick, thank you for sharing! I'm curious (I'll never learn if I don't ask, right?), in your article around 'spots', you've provided get insight into how to address these spots within yourself but what if you need to raise awareness within others? That is, what if you want to make someone else aware of their spots, say an employee you're managing. How can you challenge their way of thinking if they don't have psychological and emotional state of curiosity themselves?

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 01:06:45 pm

Thanks Anita. You are modelling curiosity and great questions beautifully! A few thoughts... I don't think I can 'make' somebody curious who isn't curious. I can, however, try to stimulate their curiosity, whilst also being clear that it's up to them how they respond. I guess that's a bit like the proverb, 'You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink'.

I have tried to model this idea in how I created this blog: e.g. by using a quirky photo of cats, and opening with a quirky comment about curiosity and cats. I hoped it would stimulate some people to stop by and read further, with interest. In training workshops, I may e.g. write or draw something oblique on a flipchart as participants arrive, but not say anything (at least at the outset) about why I posted it, what it has to do with what we are doing or what it means.

In the 'teams' and 'spots' blogs I shared, I didn't pose the questions to the groups directly, as if I was asking because I want to know the answers to them, but instead offered them as a way of creating greater reflexivity within the team itself or the group itself. I said something at the start about the rationale for posing such questions and asked, 'If we (you) were to do this well, what then could become possible?'

That latter question evoked a sense of curiosity in the team, and the group - enough for them to be willing to give it a go with me acting as coach or facilitator. On reflection, I think the fact that I had already established a relationship of trust in both cases helped. Also, in the team example, they were motivated ('away') by wanting to resolve significant problems in the team and in the group example, they were motivated ('towards') by wanting to create a radical new strategy.

In both cases, I had contracted with the team and the group vis a vis my role. They chose to work with me, even though they knew that would entail a degree of disruptive challenge to their current ways of seeing and doing things. In both cases, the results were transformational.

A couple of short related pieces that may be of interest?
http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/disruptive-influence
http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/disrupt

Anita Angileri

31/5/2020 12:22:24 pm

Thanks for this Nick! Great reads (your responses and articles)!

It's interesting. I've lately been thinking about strategic communication - Getting to know your audience (as you mentioned, trust is a biggie!) and identifying the language that most resonates with them. I think that's the only way you can truly be effective and stimulate the curiosity and interest. If you don't speak someone's language, don't bother! You won't get any message across.

It's taken me some time to understand that. If you spoke to me about this a few years back there's no way I'd approach a situation in that way. I'd be frustrated and impatient. But it takes time. Like you said, you can't change a behaviour or make anyone just do something. It needs to come from them. And I suppose thats the job of OD, to really speak that language. Challenging, yes but so rewarding and impactful once you get there.

Would you agree?

Nick Wright

31/5/2020 12:45:07 pm

Hi Anita and thank you for such encouraging feedback. Your questions and reflections are causing me to pause and think too.

I think the language and communication question is a really interesting one. I believe that mirroring a client's language (and, perhaps, other gestures and behaviours) can help to build a bridge for communication and relationship, and demonstrates a kind of empathy - as if we are making an effort to enter into and engage with their world.

(There are some resonances with 'clean language' and 'clean coaching'. Are you familiar with them? A core idea is to stay and work with the client's own language and, say, to explore its deeper meaning and potential significance for them. Here's a short example of clean language-in-use: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V8aeiOEWnU)

A question that occurs to me is: once we have built a bridge with the client...what happens next? When it comes to language, Claire Pedrick uses an interesting expression: 'Match for rapport; Mis-match for change' which has some resonances with NLP's 'pacing and leading'.

I think it's something about being similar-enough to create and sense connection and contact, and dissimilar-enough to spark curiosity and change. Here's another short related piece that may be of interest: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/just-enough. The sheer number of responses suggests to me that this is something that many practitioners grapple with!

Neill Hahn

29/5/2020 03:54:49 am

Great article Nick. I agree wholeheartedly with your Point 1. Having a part of ones mind dedicated to "I don't know" and being comfortable with that position, is the key to development of anything. If we can't do that (those that always know the answer, even when it is unknown and unknowable at the early stages and want to be followed) we can't move forward into new territory. Having an "I don't know" cave (ie comfortable position) to withdraw, regroup and deeply consider the findings of our exploration into the unknown, offers a sensible way forward, without being killed, or derailed, by the non- cautious*, all-knowing approach to curiosity.
(*The approach that got that proverbial dead cat.)

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 04:00:00 am

Thank you, Neill. I agree wholeheartedly with 'I don't know.' Here are a couple of short pieces on that theme and may be of interest?

http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing
http://www.nick-wright.com/managing-our-not-knowing.html

Your final comment reminded me of the expression: 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.' (Alexander Pope) Perhaps cats do too?!

Alex Hewlett

29/5/2020 12:24:36 pm

Whatever you do, don't get your 5 year old daughter a kitten. She's WAY too curious! Good questions though. And how we lose that curiosity as we grow up.

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 12:27:38 pm

Hi Alex. Yes, indeed. Funnily enough, her sister now has 3 kittens! Your comment, 'how we lose that curiosity as we grow up' reminds me of the wonderful 'The Little Prince' by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Are you familiar with it? A truly magical tale that depicts curiosity in its purest form.

Endro Catur

29/5/2020 12:28:45 pm

Those are five reminders I need today. Thanks Nick.

Nick Wright

29/5/2020 12:29:15 pm

Thank you for the encouraging feedback, Catur. That's good to hear.

Ian Brownlee

30/5/2020 12:11:43 pm

As Albert Einstein once said: “I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious”. So NEVER presuppose, Always be curious and probe!

Nick Wright

30/5/2020 12:14:44 pm

Hi Ian. Yes, Einstein was a great advocate and role model for curiosity!

Nuthan Manohar

30/5/2020 12:39:02 pm

Well said, Nick.

Nick Wright

30/5/2020 12:39:16 pm

Thank you, Nuthan.

Dr Nick Heap

15/7/2020 12:25:02 pm

Yes, and it's very important how we answer questions. My parents were very wise. I remember them answering my endless "Why" questions when I was very young. They would either answer them or say (and this was a true gift) "I/we don't know you'll have to find out for yourself". I still have at 77, a childlike curiosity and active enjoyment of thinking.

Nick Wright

15/7/2020 12:32:40 pm

Hi Nick. It sounds like you are a good role-model for curiosity! I agree - how we respond can close thinking down or evoke/provoke a person to think more deeply or broadly. These short related pieces may be of interest?

http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing
http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/in-the-question
http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/good-question

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