Defences against anxiety

24/6/2015

Participants are arriving at the training room. I’ve never met them before and one appears very loud and confrontational. I’m taken aback, wondering how I’m going to work with this person in the group. I mention this to my co-trainer and he responds calmly, ‘Everyone has their own way of dealing with anxiety’. This was many years ago now but his words still resonate when I’m facilitating training events.

I’m back in a training room again. This time, more recently. It’s a group of senior leaders from an organisation and one of the participants repeatedly questions the trainers’ credentials as if to imply: ‘I don’t know if you have what it takes to do this well.’ He avoids taking part in activities by discussing and debating them rather than doing them. His behaviour feels resistive, disruptive, difficult. ‘Everyone has their own way of dealing with anxiety…’

OK, let's hypothesise: this man is among peers, concerned about how his performance will be perceived and evaluated. His organisation is going through leadership changes and he feels vulnerable. A subconscious voice gnaws at him from within: ‘What if I don’t have what it takes to do this well?’ ‘What if this exposes how inadequate I am?' He projects his insecurity onto the trainer and avoids activities as a defence against anxiety.

At the end of the day, the co-trainer and I leave feeling drained. It’s an unusual feeling and we wonder what we are carrying from the group. The group itself feels draining, drained. After all, it takes huge amounts of energy to hold up a front, to mask and subdue anxiety, to contain it. Perhaps the group’s behaviour opens a window into its wider organisational reality: ‘We don’t feel safe; this organisation doesn’t feel safe.’

I've found this psychodynamic perspective to be valuable for trainers, coaches and leaders alike. It poses questions such as: ‘What is really going on here?’, ‘What is what happens within the room telling us about what may be happening outside of the room?’, ‘What do participants in this group need to feel sufficiently safe to work together?’, ‘What do I need to recognise and work well with complex group dynamics?’

What is your experience of dealing with group anxiety? What have you noticed and experienced? How have you worked with it? I'll be interested to hear more!

49 Comments

Sarah Clark

25/6/2015 06:18:20 am

Hi nick I have run groups for 15 years including members of my group who are from the prison population
There are many tips that I use that can be helpful. Too many to explain here but it depends on getting your own anxiety under control using cognitive behavioural techniques and working out what is going on for the confrontational group member and utilising this for the best in the group. There may be a number of reasons why that person is being confrontational which is good to gain an understanding of.
Some tips:
Don't be defensive when criticised
Avoid put downs
Don't compete
Use the support within the group
Break into smaller groups
Ask the person to be specific
The balance of the task, group, individual needs balancing....
Sarah/ mariposa coaching & training

Nick Wright

28/6/2015 05:35:31 am

Hi Sarah. Thanks for such an helpful list of techniques. I like your emphasis on 'getting your own anxiety under control.' If challenged in a group, it can trigger our own defensive routines and behaviour. In such circumstances, I will sometimes shift to speak from an 'observing' place, as if observing the interaction between us from a neutral place: 'What I'm noticing is...' and reflect that back. This can be particularly useful if there are repeated patterns of challenge in a group and opens an opportunity to work together on what is going on and what it may signify. With best wishes. Nick

8/7/2015 02:19:50 am

That is good advice if done in a manner that makes you feel comfortable. When working with a man who is angry towards me as a woman in my criminal justice group work I reflect back how it makes me feel. However it has taken me 15 years of experience to get to that point!

8/7/2015 02:26:41 am

Hi Sarah. Yes, in that context, saying how you feel when the man behaves in a certain way can be a very useful intervention to raise his awareness of the impact of his behaviour. It's a good example of 'use of self' in a therapeutic/coaching context. It reminded me of Marshall Rosenberg's work on non-violent communication (NVC) which focuses on: observation, feeling, needs and request. Are you familiar with it? With best wishes. Nick

Chris Pearse

8/7/2015 02:51:00 am

Sarah - I think your admission that it has taken you 15 years is of great support to many of us and it highlights some deep truths about coaching which are easily overlooked and not widely accepted: Firstly, that coaches work on themselves, not on their clients. Secondly, that the more experience you get, the less you do. Thirdly, that some of the ideas we hold about ourselves are so tightly grasped that only time and compassion can release them.

8/7/2015 02:52:03 am

Hi Chris. Well said. :) With best wishes. Nick

8/7/2015 05:34:06 am

Great comments! I have had work funded impact counselling for my domestic violence perpetrator work and had therapeutic counselling to help me to process how to explore with the client the impact he was making. It makes you feel vulnerable to process how someone is making you feel thus needs insight, personal strength and courage!
I will look into the NVC thanks.

8/7/2015 05:39:05 am

Hi Sarah. Yes, it sounds like you already have considerable courage to engage in that kind of work. It's very tough. Thank you for sharing your feelings of vulnerability - it's one reason why proper therapeutic and supervisory support is so important. On the NVC front, it could be worth glancing at Marshall Rosenberg's 'Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life' (2003) which outlines this approach with lots of practical examples. With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

8/7/2015 09:39:03 am

Thanks nick I will, lovely comments too
I am really pleased to be working with a range of clients now as it is more healthy to have my own business alongside the crim justice work!

Ann Todd pgcert (psych supv), mba, ba (hons)

25/6/2015 06:19:30 am

Anxiety is an ever present companion in every learning and coaching encounter, because learning inevitably creates uncertainty and fear.

Understanding this the coach/facilitator's tries to manage themselves (depending on context) in such a way to create the trust and sense of safety necessary to create the learning environment.

It is not automatic, it takes time.

28/6/2015 05:42:44 am

Hi Ann and thanks for the note. Yes, learning can evoke anxiety, especially if it means challenging long-held beliefs and patterns of behaviour. In my experience, this can be amplified in group learning environments where participants can fear being exposed as incompetent. This is particularly the case if participants work in the same organisation or system, or where there are hierarchical dynamics in the room. In such cases, I may sometimes ask, 'What do we need to do to create sufficient trust between us to do what we are here to do?' With best wishes. Nick

Rohit Bhatnagar

25/6/2015 06:21:24 am

Hi Nick,
What I've done in the past is to break up the group into teams,ask the participants to set group norms for acceptable and unacceptable behaviours, announce that the program will run as a competition, +ve marks for +ve behavior and -ve marks for unacceptable behaviour, Now run the training as a competitive event, and let the various teams be monitors for each other. Has worked well for me.

28/6/2015 05:51:50 am

Hi Rohit. What an interesting technique! I love the idea of co-creating norms and introducing a competitive element. It sounds like a useful way of managing anxiety using a behavioural approach.

I've also noticed that sometimes allowing anxiety to emerge, rather than manage it, can allow deeper or wider systemic issues to surface that are hidden or subconscious to the individuals or the group. This can prove immensely valuable too.

With best wishes. Nick

Teresa Gooderson

25/6/2015 02:56:41 pm

Briefly, I found that many people need validation and acceptance. Listen, question and give feedback as a group; they will begin to respect each other and you as the trainer.

28/6/2015 06:10:17 am

Hi Teresa,

Thanks for the note. Yes, I have found too that people often look for validation and acceptance in a group, although that implicit 'request' isn't often expressed directly. It could, for instance, manifest in trying to prove oneself in front of the group or to avoid activities that feel exposing. This could be true for the trainer as well as others in the wider group.

It poses different options for the trainer, coach, leader etc. One could be to offer validation and reassurance; another could be to invite the group to reflect on what its behaviours may reveal about the cultural environment within which they normally find themselves; another could be to explore with them what they need to find sufficient self-validation and self-acceptance to engage well at this event.

Thanks again, Teresa. Lots to think about. With best wishes. Nick

Chris Webbley

25/6/2015 02:58:09 pm

Nick: A couple of questions for you. 1) How do you normally start to work with a group and with individuals? 2) What is is that takes you aback? What value of yours is being challenged? (OK, I'm stretching the definition of 'a couple of questions'!) Chris

28/6/2015 06:14:31 am

Two (...well...three) great coaching questions, Chris, particularly in relation to what may trigger my own anxiety! ;) Would you be willing to share how you work with anxiety in groups? I would be very interested to hear more. With best wishes. Nick

Chris Beesley-Reynolds FRSPH QTLS

25/6/2015 03:00:42 pm

Nothing unusual about that, give them a job to do. I meet new students every day, its just part of the job.

28/6/2015 06:16:44 am

Hi Chris. Intriguing glimpse. Would you be willing to say a bit more about what 'give them a job to do' could entail in practice? I would be interested to hear more. With best wishes. Nick

29/6/2015 01:57:26 am

Hi Nick, you can tell as they walk in, I often get them to take the register, this I found a teddy bear in the room, I was walking about with it and treating it like a walking bear and moving its head about, I knew he would want it, so at the right moment I asked him to look after teddy, it worked a treat, he volunteered for everything and talked at times to teddy, which stopped him disturbing the class.

Arthur Lerner

26/6/2015 05:52:19 am

There are probably dozens of approaches, tactics, etc. that may work, but there is too little information to provide a cogent response. For starters you say "appears". What appears concretely. Has this person already been loud and confrontational? In what ways? How manifested?

Your title question is about anxiety in groups, but your situation mentions one person. The situation is when people are still arriving (?!) . Where is the group anxiety, or is it just this one person. Are you anxious? Are you anticipating or is the (not yet formed) group anticipating or experiencing? Tactics to use/combine or to deploy depend on what your objective is both in the moment and longer term.

All I can say for sure strategically is advice coined decades ago by Fritz Redl, a pioneer in child psychiatry and group therapy (who is, alas, obscure today). "Never make an intervention on behalf of a group that harms an individual, and never make an intervention on behalf of an individual that harms the group." Sorry I can't be more specific than that. but its the best guideline I've got given the information..

28/6/2015 06:21:38 am

Hi Arthur and thanks for the note. 'Where is the anxiety?' is a great question. I'm aware that, when working with groups, I need to be aware of my own anxiety and what can trigger it so that I don't project my anxiety onto the group. I also need to be aware of projecting possible anxiety-related behaviours of one or more individuals onto the group as a whole. I haven't heard of Fritz Redl before but that sounds like good advice! Would you be willing to share any experiences of where you have encountered anxiety in groups and how you have addressed it (or not)? With thanks and best wishes. Nick

28/6/2015 07:04:10 am

Nick -

Sure. I've been accused at times of telling people more than they wanted to know. If I do, I trust you to tell at earliest sign.

In that spirit, however, I will share a different insight I got from Redl via my mentor,
Ron. Ron and Fritz were working together on workshop and Ron was staying with Fritz.
One morning as Ron came downstairs he saw Fritz dealing with his grandson who was on his lap screaming.

Ron asked, "Having trouble with your client?"

Fritz replied, "I don't have a client. I'm trying to get him to have a client ego before I can do anything useful for him."

Jayne

26/6/2015 07:44:06 am

I've read with interest the myriad of responses and suggestions here - I don't doubt that you have your own way of working with what occurs. It reminded me one of my first experiences of facilitating a leadership session, based on the group's own feedback about their leadership approach. I was quite taken aback when I came to share the outputs. The response to the outputs ranged from 'children acting up' to totally dismissive; all the while I was thinking 'but this is your own feedback!!'. I think the hardest thing to learn is what to do with the data in front of you. I've tried holding up the mirror to group behaviour - 'how does this resonate with what's going on etc'. Sometimes though it's a welcome relief for them to be shooting the messenger - and learning to live with that is ok too. Thank you Nick. I always enjoy your posts. They help quell my own anxiety!

28/6/2015 06:36:09 am

Hi Jayne and thank you for such an honest and thoughtful response. Thanks for your words of encouragement too! I've had similar experiences to the one you describe where I, as facilitator, have felt like the lightning rod for the group. Ouch.

I never find that easy to deal with, but I think I'm learning a bit about how distance myself from it to ask from more of an observing place, e.g. 'What is happening between us?', 'What am I noticing/aware of?', 'What could this mean?', 'What could this pattern of behaviour reveal about the organisational culture/climate they inhabit?', 'Who or what could I/this experience/this environment represent/resonate with/evoke for the group?' etc.

This is, of course, one of the real benefits of working with a co-facilitator - to reflect together and choose a response rather than feeling hooked or overwhelmed. I'm often aware of these things after the event rather than in the moment, so I'm working to close the gap so that I work with greater awareness in the here-and-now.

With best wishes and thanks again. Nick

George Kunnath

27/6/2015 02:47:22 am

Being still with everything and absorb the energy of the group. Intervention can be an vitation to the group to look the individual feelings and process of the group. The facilitator adapt the Zen approach of "non-doing"

28/6/2015 06:46:26 am

Hi George and thanks for the note. Your comment about Zen 'not-doing' reminded me of the Gestalt paradoxical theory of change:

'Briefly stated, it is this: that change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is — to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible.' (Beisser)

This is very different to trying to 'manage' anxiety and is more focused on being with what is and allowing what is to become to emerge, rather than trying to fix it or change it.

I would be very interested to hear any examples of how you have used this approach in practice. I'm intrigued! With best wishes. Nick

Sharon Rooke

27/6/2015 04:18:59 am

Whose anxiety are the defences required for?

28/6/2015 05:46:51 am

Hi Sharon. What a great psychodynamic question! Very thought-provoking. It reminds me of some of Heidegger's work on permeable boundaries between individuals, and individuals and systems. We sometimes find ourselves experiencing and defending people, relationships, values, decisions etc. that lie outside of our own immediate experience or conscious awareness. Lots to think about. With best wishes. Nick

Priti Sharma

28/6/2015 05:30:04 am

Adding on to Teressa, I also recently experienced this and so while I was trying to answer him, the trainee instantly jumped into other confrontational issuue trying to disagree, I took help of deflection technique by shooting the question to the other group and once they shared my opinion, the trainee out of peer pressure kept himself away from playing the confrontational role.

28/6/2015 07:00:30 am

Hi Priti and thanks for the note. In my experience too, opening a question or challenge out to the wider group can be an effective technique to deal with an individual's behaviour that feels disruptive in a group. This can be particularly useful in training sessions.

If I'm working with a group on an on-going basis and notice such behaviours repeatedly emerging, I may ask myself, e.g. 'What is this person expressing that is unexpressed in the group - e.g. is the group as a whole being too passive/compliant in relation to what we are doing?' This idea focuses on the positive contribution of what can otherwise feel like pathological behaviour!

I may also speak with the person offline to offer my observations on what I'm noticing and ask what it could represent vis a vis issues that person is grappling with inside or outside of the room. The idea here is to model and invite the person into dialogue and to use their contribution as facilitative rather than trying to prevent them doing it.

With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

29/6/2015 05:30:21 am

Thank you Nick for your valuable input, I also as a true facilitator tried to answer, deflect and later on spoke to the candidate in person to understand his point of view and explain mine. It was important for me as that is how I also learn from my each and every training experience. I am currently training Engineers and so facing these situations often though in different forms.

Victoria Thorn MAHRI Assoc CIPD

29/6/2015 01:59:25 am

Gamification, as mentioned, is a good way to introduce an element of social conditioning that dissuades anti-social behaviour and gives participants an outlet for their anxiety, allowing them to participate in the 'game' of achievement, rather than resistance. I have had experience working with managers who were resistant (and I blogged about it here: http://bit.ly/1Hp8Dea ), and I've always found that the best way to manage disruptive behaviour from anxious attendees is to take them aside during break and talk to them about the problem.
If you tiptoe around it and refuse to acknowledge it head on, it will have a deleterious effect on your training success and instead of acquiring skills and knowledge, your attendees only take-away will be that one person ruined the experience for everyone and that you tried valiantly, though unsuccessfully, to keep them on track. Once away from the group you can do much more to soothe anxiety and return the participant to a positive frame of mind because any factor contributing to loss of face has been removed by taking the person away from the perceived judgement of their peers. This will allow a more productive approach, and hopefully one that wins over the anxious and disruptive attendee.

29/6/2015 02:07:54 am

Hi Victoria and thanks for your helpful comments and blog link. What struck me was that how someone may deal with anxiety expressed as resistance in a group training event may be quite different to how someone may deal with anxiety expressed as resistance in, say, a team building event.

In a training environment (depending, of course, on the training topic and composition of the group), the trainer may perceive the resistance as a block to learning in the wider group. In a team building environment, the facilitator may perceive the resistance as a window, offering insight into dynamics in the team and/or the team's wider environment.

I agree with you that, where the behaviour of an individual is proving problematic for the group and task it is engaged in, it is better to speak with the person individually in private to avoid loss of face in the group. This is particularly important when working cross-culturally where 'saving face' is an important cultural value.

With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

Paul Bailey

29/6/2015 02:11:18 am

I would first of all want to know the reason for the anxiety and talk to someone higher up the chain or HR to get some background on the individual.

29/6/2015 02:20:33 am

Hi Paul and thanks for the note. Yes, it can certainly help if you can identify, with the individual, the source of the anxiety. In my experience, sometimes people who are behaving 'disruptively' in a group aren't aware in the moment that they are feeling anxious. It's as if the behaviour can serve to repress the anxiety so that the person feels better in that environment.

Another way of thinking about it can be to consider how the behaviour you observe in a person is serving them in that environment, even if they are not aware of it at the time. For example, is it enabling them to assert authority over other participants so that they are less likely to be challenged?

I, too, will ask HR or whoever has commissioned the training or group work whether there are any issues in the group or wider organisation that I should be aware of, e.g. if there are hierarchical relationships in the group, any current or historical tensions between participants, why the group is taking part, what changes are taking place in the organisation etc.

With best wishes. Nick

Jack Douglas Cerva

29/6/2015 02:12:29 am

Interesting question(s) Nick. Depending on several factors, objective of training/meeting, content, expectations, time available, new or on-going client relationship, internal/external trainer / facilitators, sponsor(s), environment, groups and our own comfort and experience, level of group members (mixed or similar). Factoring all of this in may reduce or elevate my own anxiety and theirs, however considering these factors may also provide at least a common place to begin. Secondly I would start with low risk (for individual, group and me) interventions working my way up as indicated by resolution or lack thereof, resolution being defined as groups and my own genuine willingness/ability to move positively forward (directionally toward initial goal of training or goal as revised by group agreement). Low risk might be simply eye contact, moving closer to, changing body language, medium -surfacing/mirroring and involving larger group, highest risk would be more goal directed 1:1 surfacing hopefully done in private but unfortunately sometimes done in within group by inexperienced trainers, or trainers who get hooked in the emotional moment.

29/6/2015 02:40:50 am

Hi Jack. Thanks for such helpful comments. You list a very useful range of factors that really can make a difference to what emerges in a group. I like your idea of starting with low risk...and how you include yourself in the equation. Self awareness and self management are important considerations as trainers/facilitators.

I was leading a coaching training event last week and it was clear some participants were nervous about practise sessions. In light of this, I told the group I would start by teaching them a basic juggling technique. This created laughter (perhaps nervous laughter) in the group which helped some people relax.

I took a sheet of paper, screwed it up into a ball and asked everyone else to do the same. I held out my arm, holding the 'ball' and asked them to copy me. I then dropped the 'ball' onto the floor. They did the same. I explained: 'In what we are doing here, it's OK to drop the ball. The world won't end.'

There was a tangible sense of relief in the room. One person commented at the end of the course that dropping the ball - and feeling OK about it - was the single most important thing that enabled him to get and give the best during the programme. (Thanks to Richard Marshall for introducing me to this technique!).

With thanks again and best wishes. Nick

Peter Callender

29/6/2015 06:34:26 am

Great insights...my own solution is to talk to the guy 121 at the first coffee break!

29/6/2015 06:34:59 am

Hi Peter. Very wise! With best wishes. Nick

2/7/2015 02:50:47 am

Hi Nick - In my experience, any attempt to defend against the anxiety (yours or anyone else's) will exacerbate it. Accepting it as real and important is the only way. That means giving it air time. Simple, not always easy!

7/7/2015 07:41:29 am

Hi Chris and thanks for the note. Yes, sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult! With best wishes. Nick

Elspeth Campbell

2/7/2015 02:51:52 am

sounds familiar, my approach is 'what is this person evoking in me?' to give clues such as: prevent overwhelm, what s/he may be experiencing themselves and projecting, the vibe in the space which other participants are experiencing too. I developed a somatic intelligence framework for widening sensory perceptual experience to notice sensory and perceptual responses pre consciuos thought.

7/7/2015 07:44:47 am

Hi Elspeth and thanks for your note. Yes, I too find, 'What is this person evoking in me?' very useful, especially as a possible indicator of countertransference. I would be interested to hear more about your somatic intelligence framework - would you be willing to say a bit more? With best wishes. Nick

Tom Loncar

2/7/2015 02:52:27 am

Very perceptive post Nick, nicely written. I couldn't help but notice you mention "one of the participants repeatedly questions the trainers’ credentials"... that kind of thing could be a strong sign of a narcissist in your midst, potentially best disarmed by not engaging (on their suggested topic) & immediately throwing the spotlight back at them e.g. "You are the reason we're here today, we can get to me later." And let them expand on themselves. I do see though other signs of deeper organisational issues in your scenario, but the quote from that one participant in particular pointed this potential 'let's get back on track' strategy (and at least partially circumvent the room's 'energy drain' you describe).

7/7/2015 07:51:20 am

Hi Tom and thanks for your interesting reflections. I liked your response: 'You're the reason we're here today, we can get to me later' as it shifts the focus away from the trainer back onto the group and its purpose. In the case I described in this blog, my hypothesis is that the person was speaking from a place of insecurity ('I'm not good enough') and projecting that onto the trainer ('You're not good enough'.) Of course, I could be wrong! Perhaps he was comparing this experience to that with previous trainers who he had found more convincing or engaging. I don't know. Lots to think about! With best wishes. Nick

Sergio Guido La Rossa

7/7/2015 05:36:16 am

Out of discussion ...
My little contribution ...
Academia Edu "Sergio La Rosa Gestalt"

Dino Ragazzo

7/7/2015 05:36:55 am

Hi Nick

You are probable mentionning some sort of "learning anxiety " described by Ed Schein.

To provide the necessary amont of psychological safety to the trainees I use to teach them how to communicate positive feedbacks.

For example, following the Cape Cod Approach, I would ask the participants to focus on what they observed as being donc well; which competency do they want to highlight on what they observed others doing.

Framing the exchanges in an appreciative way is à garantee for everyone that (s)he will always be supported and will not have to remain defensive.

7/7/2015 07:31:12 am

Hi Dino and thanks for the helpful comments. Yes, framing feedback in an appreciative way can certainly help group participants feel less threatened and, therefore, less anxious. With best wishes. Nick