Disruptive influence

30/11/2019

‘If you equate listening with being silent, not disrupting the status quo, not interrupting another person’s monologue, not challenging their view of the world ...you’re not ready to be a coach.’ (Ana Karakusevic)

I’m paid to be disruptive.

Isn’t that, after all, at the heart of what it is to be a good leader, coach, OD change agent or trainer? There’s something about an encounter with leadership, a true leader, that leaves us changed and transformed. The best OD people I’ve known have challenged, stretched and reframed much of what I thought I believed. The best trainers have impacted my ideas and practice. The best coaches have left me startled, dizzy, at times disorientated, and yet, somehow…renewed.

There is, however, a cost to all this. Don’t always expect a warm welcome and smiles in the room. An honest HR colleague commented to me once: ‘You pose questions and perspectives that can make us feel jarred, frustrated and, at times, even threatened. You turn everything upside down, inside out – and you are absolutely right to do so.’ And this is where contracting and trust prove critical. Without a genuine spirit of relationship and intention of support, we risk simply p***ing people off.

So, how far are you a disruptive influence? How well do you build trust through risk-taking with support?

86 Comments

Elvira Walker

30/11/2019 05:23:11 pm

It may be uncomfortable or troublesome for me as a teacher, but always so important, to confront students’ "buts", to discuss a different way of thinking, to unsettle students in their points of view, to bring them further on in their journey. In doing so, I must not forget to be positive and sensitive with each student, to be influenced by God's Spirit and never to hurt or damage any student at a deeply personal level.

Nick Wright

30/11/2019 05:31:29 pm

Hi Elvira. It sounds like you role model ‘challenge with support’ well in your work as a teacher. You reminded me of the contemporary debates in colleges and universities about ‘freedom of speech’ vs ‘freedom from harm’. When working as a coach, I start from the assumption that clients are well, robust and resilient enough to engage in coaching conversations (challenge with support) and, nevertheless, to deal with each person sensitively as a human being.

Ana Karakusevic

1/12/2019 10:35:29 am

It sounds exactly like something I would’ve said, and still believe in. Thank you Nick for remembering the provocation, and thank you also for inspiring the rest of us! It strikes me that we need to be not silent more than ever, in the current societal and political environment. How to engage in a respectful debate that leads to solutions, rather than entrenchment of polarised views, is another challenge...

Nick Wright

1/12/2019 05:47:13 pm

Thanks Ana. Yes, it was one of the opening statements in your provocative coaching blog at Roffey Park. I loved it! I agree. How to be constructively not-silent in the midst of so many loud and conflicting voices...?

Mari-Lyn Harris

1/12/2019 05:34:28 pm

Kindness in business is disruptive, as now one needs to think, feel & do something different.

Nick Wright

1/12/2019 05:40:52 pm

Hi Mari-Lyn. Well said. Here's a profound example in my own experience: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Rick Lister

3/12/2019 02:15:17 pm

Thank you Nick for this insightful blog. It can certainly feel uncomfortable challenging standard ways of thinking. Often it seems that current ways of working assume reality is much more simple than it is. I find the Cynefin framework a good way to highlight this mismatch.

Nick Wright

3/12/2019 07:07:44 pm

Thanks Rick. Yes, a challenge could lay in revealing that the 'reality' may lay in a different dimension of the Cynefin framework to the one in which people or teams believe it's in. In that type of situation, we could touch all kinds of hot spots and blind spots. This short related piece may be of interest on that front? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots

Matthew Frost

4/12/2019 03:34:04 pm

Great blog that underscored the importance of building strong, resilient, fruitful relationships as foundational. What we really need is a more intentional, even analytical, approach to assessing, reviewing and strengthening the quality and resilience of inter-personal relationships...

Nick Wright

4/12/2019 04:54:36 pm

Thanks Matthew. Interesting thoughts on strengthening the quality and resilience of relationships. I worked with the leadership of an INGO where the team aspired to such relationships yet struggled to reach them, at least beyond a conceptual level.

We worked with Stephen Covey's idea of 'Trust = Risk + Support.'

Team members contracted, experimented and practised high-challenge conversations. The lived-experience of discovery that they not only survived, but thrived, had an incredibly positive impact on the inspiration and effectiveness of the team.

Fatiha El Fellous

5/12/2019 12:49:56 pm

I agree a coach should be able to disrupt and have the guts to tell the Truth with a warm and kind heart and healthy intentions.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 12:51:34 pm

Thank you, Fatiha. The question I often grapple with is how to reveal the client's 'truth' to the client in such a way that they are able to see and experience it, now, in a new and fresh light.

Fatiha El Fellous

5/12/2019 01:49:33 pm

That 's the real challenge.. finding innovative language, subtle words, silence, gesture, right look, the right moment....any mean of communication will do as long your Customer is willing be open and to listen and be aware!
yet even when you deliver the message properly, your Customer needs time to really grasp it!
and from one person to another it dépends...when it comes to human beings trends are never destiny!

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 02:11:06 pm

Hi Fatiha. Yes, and it is sometimes about disrupting a client's normal way of seeing or thinking about things. Here's a short related example: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/dissonance

John Smith

5/12/2019 02:23:35 pm

Nick, I have always found that truth cannot be shone to another. Only the opportunity for the other to see the truth themselves.
I use a lot of questioning and look for non-verbal cues that tell me if the other person is comfortable or not. If they aren't, then I know they are thinking.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 02:24:30 pm

Hi John. I agree. It's less about proclaiming truth and more about enabling discovery.

Samson Omara

5/12/2019 03:09:03 pm

That's a nice take, Fatiha. Timing is everything.

Lyn Alba de Juárez

5/12/2019 01:09:06 pm

Well, “you are absolutely right to” pose these last two questions. Thanks!!!

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 01:10:08 pm

Thank you, Lyn! 😀

Marie-José Hakens, Drs.

5/12/2019 01:12:15 pm

Certainly, disruption can be ‘of service’ so much AND preserving the ‘safe space’ (either myself or otherwise) is essential as well. ‘Safe space’ not equated with cuddly or soft or evasive. Going out of patterns often requires gentle or more explicit nudges. Been there, done that, experienced it myself in my own life etc etc ;)

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 01:14:30 pm

Hi Marie-José. Yes, I try to consider with the client what they need to feel 'safe enough' to face high challenge and take risks - with support.

Hugo Skoppek

5/12/2019 02:19:52 pm

I am glad you mention the importance of building trust, because I believe in balance, as there is a season (i.e. time) to build trust and a time to challenge assumptions, routines, etc. It's a little bit like this song by The Byrds from 1965
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKP4cfU28vM
Enjoy!

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 02:22:05 pm

Thanks Hugo. It's the first time I've heard those words from the Bible played to music! :)

Hugo Skoppek

5/12/2019 03:12:39 pm

I hope you enjoyed the song.

John Smith

5/12/2019 02:25:17 pm

Well is it not the very nature of the word coach to challenge and push the person they are coaching to the next level? If everyone had all the answers and was running at their maximum potential, then why would we need coaches? As a career coach, my job is to challenge my clients such that they see that what they are currently doing and how they are doing may not be to their best benefit. I try and push my clients to dig and look deep into themselves (far beyond the wallet and material world) to find their true calling, the thing that springs them out of bed with a great enthusiasm to go into the world and make a difference everyday.
You have to be willing to upset the apple cart of another to get them to see that the wheels on the cart aren't working.
Great Post...Thanks Nick!

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 02:58:02 pm

Thanks John! I love your comment, 'You have to be willing to upset the apple cart...'. :) On digging and looking deep, you may find this related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/existential-coaching

Samson Omara

5/12/2019 03:09:58 pm

I agree with you. it takes a great effort to revolutionise people's behaviour and attitude even when it is for their own good. Human tendencies to be comfortable breeds terrible habits only crushed by a tough coach who inspires, panel-beats and disciplines without favour.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 03:11:22 pm

Hi Samson. 'Panel-beats' is very stark and graphic imagery!

Samson Omara

5/12/2019 03:30:36 pm

My apologies, Nick. 'Panel-beats' was used for lack of a better word. However I figuratively meant inward shaping.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 03:31:53 pm

Hi Samson. No need to apologise. Use of graphic language and metaphor can be a great way to disrupt normal assumptions and patterns of thinking!

Richard M. Kiernicki

5/12/2019 05:03:07 pm

...well said...if I don't get under your skin when necessary...the result is no change in behaviour...

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 05:04:54 pm

Thanks Richard. The grit and oyster metaphor comes to mind.

Richard M. Kiernicki

5/12/2019 06:02:40 pm

...my pleasure Nick...my ex business partner billionaire Michael Lee-Chin has been speaking on "differentiating" oneself in business and his current presentation title "No Grit, No Pearl" reinforces disruptive influence and is not for the faint of heart...

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 06:05:45 pm

Hi Richard. That's a remarkable coincidence..! Here's a piece about my own 'business partner'...a girl among the poor in the Philippines who models disruption or a very different kind: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Lisa Collins

5/12/2019 05:19:00 pm

“trust prove critical” I agree relational trust is very important and vital.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 05:19:44 pm

Thanks Lisa. Sounds like you have experiences in that area too? Do you have any examples you could share here?

Lisa Collins

5/12/2019 07:24:39 pm

Nick, I do have experience in this area. I coach professionals particularly in the area of organizational functioning. My current focus is working with people of color in the area of leadership who are navigating organizations and racial dynamics.

One example is meeting with a group of stakeholders to provide support for any challenges. The group professed how everything was great no problems no help needed. No pushing on my end I knew there were problems. Next meeting or so once people felt safe the issue began to flow out and an action items of inquiry developed.

One on one I gauge the foundation shadow root while talking to the person. I ease forward based on their capacity while asking probing question to move their thinking and capacity.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 07:25:56 pm

Hi Lisa. Thanks for sharing a great example of 'disrupting gently'..!

Glenda Fieldes

5/12/2019 09:06:06 pm

Now I like this. Disruptive leadership, interesting naming convention. Certainly in line with my business and activities in compliance and content development for VET and small business industry, yep, I like it, risky but building trust.

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 09:09:17 pm

Thanks Glenda. I would love to hear more about how you bring 'disruptive' and 'compliant' together into the same frame..! Do you have any examples you could share here?

Glenda Fieldes

5/12/2019 09:34:25 pm

Well, quality practice, auditing, content development
and compliance as a leader has a definite disruptive leadership element.
After 30 years in the VET and quality practice game, Personally I see that it always creates some sort of disruption ( or destruction if not executed effectively)
It’s responses often go like this from teams and organisational leaders.
e.g. we’ve always done it this way, why do I need to change, do, amend that
So the point is, providing new innovative insights to achieve effective outcomes as a ‘leader’ in this environment requires disruption that is influential while developing trust. It’s basically I will do these new disruptive recommendations/change WITH YOU, not FOR YOU. Take them on the disruptive journey to create and embed innovative business and compliance action!

Compliance, registering and auditing RTO’s and content design always creates disruption in a sense as you are influencing people not only in practice but in excellence and that sir requires building relationship and trust to influence alternative solutions #iesolutions

Hope that brings some perspective my interpretation of disruptive leadership across my range of roles.

I love it. ( did I misinterpret the post/article?)

Nick Wright

5/12/2019 09:36:18 pm

Hi Glenda. No, you didn’t misinterpret the article! Thank you for offering such a great explanation. 😀

Dr. Harold Hinsley

6/12/2019 01:55:27 am

You are talking my style and have I seen some PO’ed people. But, you better have the tough skin to go with the tough talk or they will eat you whole and spit you out! Otherwise, I like your comments.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 01:59:17 am

Thanks Harold. Yes, too true. That’s why contracting, trust, relationship and intention are so important. The risk otherwise is of evoking all kinds of defensive routines. I’ve been there and my clothes are still smoking! 🥴

Judi Hennebry Wise

6/12/2019 04:32:56 am

Be disruptive with a purpose or you run the risk of becoming a distraction that grabs people attention but not long enough to make a difference.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 11:45:18 am

Hi Judi. Yes, I think this is where ‘intention’ and ‘purpose’ have similar value. We could consider that all disruptive behaviour has an underlying purpose, but its purpose is not always conscious or constructive?

Judi Hennebry Wise

6/12/2019 11:46:13 am

I agree with you there! I have seen disruptors cause havoc in organizations without recognizing it. The best disruptors I know are self aware will trying to serve the greater good.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 11:53:31 am

Hi Judi. Me too. Being disruptive with awareness, as a conscious intervention strategy, is very different to generally causing havoc. It's a conscious and deliberate form of engagement.

I remember once co-leading a workshop and I found one participant unhelpfully disruptive from the outset. My colleague responded, simply: 'Everyone has their own way of managing their anxiety.'

Interesting!

David Joubert

6/12/2019 12:09:20 pm

Great topic to choose, Nick. Compliance is for those who seek acceptance. Each of us have been blessed uniquely. Thus, our strengths and weaknesses are different and we respond to change differently.

Biblically, there was no one more a disruptive influencer than Paul (the Apostle). He was willing to suffer for doing right & prepared to take responsibility when he did wrong. He spent his time judging himself instead of everyone around him.

From a personal standpoint I would rather lose the argument and win the battle for Christ than to win the argument and lose the opportunity to show Christ in me to someone in the hope of conversion.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 12:11:45 pm

Thanks David. The most positively-disruptive person in my life has been Jesus: http://www.nick-wright.com/ripple-effects.html

The second most positively-disruptive person has been this girl in the Phillippines: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Darrell Casey, Ph.D.

6/12/2019 12:13:06 pm

If you are to be successful, you will disturb people.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 12:13:37 pm

Hi Darrell. It sounds like you are speaking from personal experience. Do you have any examples you could share here?

Benoît Couture

6/12/2019 12:15:07 pm

Disrupting divided and dividing powers with
The Spiritual Bond of Oneness...

Circuit of Being
radiates
Circle of Life

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 12:16:04 pm

Hi Benoît. I don't understand - but I want to. Can you say more?

Sue Fontannaz

6/12/2019 12:17:07 pm

❤️this perspective of disrupting patterns of thinking.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 12:18:14 pm

Thanks Sue. :) You may like this short related piece? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/disrupt

Caroline Barton

6/12/2019 12:23:42 pm

Coaching is not enabling people to remain comfortable but establishing trust is so imperative. Great post and I have enjoyed the ensuing commentary. A wake up call to some of us who need to take a 'tougher' approach Nick.

Nick Wright

6/12/2019 12:25:50 pm

Thanks Caroline. This piece by Ana Karakusevic is definitely worth a read. I find it refreshingly provocative and inspiring! https://www.roffeypark.com/wp-content/uploads2/Coaching-Fundamentals.pdf

Tara Parker link

6/12/2019 08:38:19 pm

Call me the disruptor and I'll wear that label proudly. I think it is fair and just and completely valiant to challenge the status quo. I am not one to rely on "this is how we have always done it" as a solid means of being productive. As we all know, there is more than one way to skin a cat and there a multiple formulas that create the same answer. Being disruptive is having the strength and wherewithall to match the best solution to the problem with the hope of getting the goal. It means being uncomfortable and out of place which absolutely requires trust and faith in what you don't, or can't, see.

Great blog. Perfect timing.

Tara Parker

Nick Wright

7/12/2019 12:14:16 pm

Thanks Tara. ‘Uncomfortable and out of place’ is certainly how many of the most effective OD professionals I know would describe much of their experience. As Jesus said, ‘Woe to you when all speak well of you.’ I agree: ‘trust and faith’ in the midst of such situations can prove critical to resilience and success.

Lior Barzel

9/12/2019 10:20:02 am

Tnx for the post. It was very important for me. I think by making people feel I'm there with them, together, when they start to feel disorientated or startled - I gain trust. Its not that I distrupt them and leave them be. I am learning with them what tcan we do about it.

Nick Wright

9/12/2019 10:25:07 am

Thanks Lior. Yes, being-with is so important. It provides a supportive base to whatever challenge we, or they, might bring and experience. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence

Lior Barzel

9/12/2019 10:44:21 am

Nick tnx. As a metter of fact, you gave me a great idea for an article. I just wtote it, but it is in Hebrew so I can't share.

Nick Wright

9/12/2019 10:46:08 am

Hi Lior. That’s encouraging! I once studied Hebrew for a year but that won’t be enough to read an article. If you translate it to English, let me know! 😀

Tina OConnor

9/12/2019 11:14:08 pm

These words are interestingly put together to make a very valid and poignant point about the coaching process......relationships are key!

Nick Wright

9/12/2019 11:15:04 pm

Thanks Tina. We could say that the quality of contact, the quality of relationship, is key..?

Chris Altizer, MA, MBA

10/12/2019 01:33:13 pm

“Being disruptive with awareness...” love that phrase - and the reference to intention. I find setting and (critically) sharing my intention, or ‘purpose’ as Judi wrote, helps make it all about the challenge we are trying to solve and less about about how clever I am. When I’m tasked with leadership, I also try to balance pushing people to an edge with catching them if they fall - or at least falling with them.

Nick Wright

10/12/2019 01:46:28 pm

Thanks Chris. Yes, so often intentions are assumed rather than expressed. This can lead to all kinds of tensions. On that theme, you may find this short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/bmw-moments

I like your use of imagery in leadership around catching or falling-with. I guess 'push' is one mode of relationship. Others could include, e.g. coach, pull, jump-first or jump-with? Being-with is, in my experience, one of the most important qualities.

Here's one of the most radical 'leaders' I have met on that front: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-am-them. Here's a fuller account of her amazing presence and approach: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Chris Altizer, MA, MBA

3/1/2020 10:29:50 pm

Nick, "to signpost well..." Love that. Thanks for sharing.

Nick Wright

3/1/2020 10:30:26 pm

Thanks Chris. You’re welcome. 😀

Tanja Vebster

10/12/2019 07:29:38 pm

Amen to this point of view, change takes time and people are pain avoidants, having a cosy moment in coaching, in treatment, in supervising, it exists below our insights.

Nick Wright

10/12/2019 07:31:20 pm

Thanks Tanja. I think that's one reason why contracting with a client is so important, so that if they enter into and engage with issues that are difficult or painful for them, it is by awareness and choice.

Misa Lavkova Closier

11/12/2019 08:49:17 pm

With intuition and detachment.

Nick Wright

11/12/2019 08:49:56 pm

Hi Misa. I’m intrigued. Say more..?

Suzanne Combs-Brown

17/12/2019 06:48:29 pm

Great article and insights. I too agree that coaching is and should be disruptive and building trust early allows for a welcome disruption or awareness that you are paying me to bring some uncomfortable alive as living in the comfortable is what we were doing, prior to the coaching. When uncomfortable is present, the trust allows for the dialogue to address what makes it uncomfortable, what works to be in the uncomfortable and coping mechanisms. It also allows clients to begin to see the transparency in admitting discomfort and the “why” behind it- which can open up doors all over the place, when we can have that dialogue and get more comfortable in being uncomfortable and “jarred”.

Nick Wright

17/12/2019 06:52:35 pm

Thanks Suzanne. I like your emphasis on using discomfort as an opportunity for discovery, learning and growth. I think this is where contracting and trust are important, inviting and enabling a client to work with discomfort, rather than attempting to avoid or suppress it.

Anthony Eldridge-Rogers

18/12/2019 07:53:51 pm

This idea of being a disruptive as a coach is vital for the value and process of coaching. But.........most people who are coaches fall into one of two categories. The people pleaser coaches are scared of dissonance and disruption, scared of conflict. These fears make them ineffective. On the other hand and also the most risky for clients. The un-integrated coach uses disruption for their own ends in an attached way. They disrupt not in service of the client but in service of themselves. This comes in very subtle forms. These coaches wound their clients and often think they have done them a favour.
One other point regarding so called 'safe space'. All change involves risk and so the process of coaching only is operable within an environment of constantly exploring what is not know. People either like this or try to avoid it, consciously or unconsciously. A true safe space is not created by a coach as the coaches job is ultimately to be an agent of the clients change which equals disruption and the unknown. The coach rather seeks to create an environment within which a client can create their own experience of safety such as it applies to any current context of change.

Marie-José Hakens, Drs.

18/12/2019 07:58:05 pm

I agree that ‘the safe space’ is an inside, personal choice/experience/allowing, however you call it. And, what is mostly meant from the coaches’ perspective, the non judgemental, compassionate beingness of the coach can be of great value to allow potentials and growth, daring to experiment, to play, to... etc.

Nick Wright

19/12/2019 03:09:01 pm

Hi Marie-José. 'Beingness of the coach...potential and growth...daring to experiment and play'. I like it! In my experience (e.g. in Gestalt coaching), the same applies to the coach him- or herself too. Here's a case example in case of interest: http://www.nick-wright.com/just-do-it.html

Marie-José Hakens, Drs.

19/12/2019 05:03:11 pm

Nick, certainly, in my experience the ‘having lived it and living it’ adds the magic and truth to the encounters with others. Clients or otherwise :). Thanks for the article ⚜️

Nick Wright

19/12/2019 05:06:16 pm

Thanks Marie-José. You're welcome. :) Yes, there's nothing quite like lived experience. Interestingly, on that theme, I was leading a coaching training workshop this week where we explored the pros-and cons of lived experience. Participants concluded that lived experience is incredibly valuable in mentoring relationships and, yet, can be a potential interference in coaching relationships. What do you think?

Marie-José Hakens, Drs.

19/12/2019 11:38:43 pm

I think that as long as you are aware of the uniqueness and the ‘personal-ness’ of the experience, as well as honoring the sovereignty of the ‘coachee’ then ‘sharing’ can but does not have to resonate or invite. Then the other is ‘free’ and is ‘let free’ to sense into the shared story and see wether there are gifts in it. We are always part of the encounter, to think otherwise is mental nonsense ;). To be aware and also to be open to more awareness is key, at least that’s what I am living.

Nick Wright

19/12/2019 11:42:27 pm

Hi Marie-José. 'Free’ and is ‘let free’ to sense into the shared story and see whether there are gifts in it.' I think you expressed that beautifully. You reminded me of this short piece that received a lot of fascinating responses! http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/just-enough :)

Marie-José Hakens, Drs.

20/12/2019 10:31:30 am

Yes ánd I have even ‘said goodbye’ to the old concept of empathy. Being present and clear and compassionate does not require me to ‘sense into’ or ‘lean into’ what someone is feeling or emoting. I dó intuit or feel or ‘know’ in the moment and offer it or play with it with the coachee (and experience them trusting and playing around with their own insights and nudges and ‘strange’ lightbulbs 😉 more and more). I’m ‘with me’ and from that state I am very freely present, honouring but not empathising/co-emoting with the other. Something I learned along the way, treasured for myself and with coachees/friends/family etc as the precious gift it can be. Meeting you in your sovereign place, and not playing along (or just as an exercise to let them feel the difference) with the old games of empathy. Hmm, should write this down 😂😂

Nick Wright

20/12/2019 02:44:47 pm

Hi Marie-José. Yes, that sounds like a whole new blog in the making! :)

Nick Wright

19/12/2019 03:04:35 pm

Hi Anthony. I like your characterisation of 'people-pleaser coaches' and 'un-integrated coaches' and the associated risks. That's an interesting perspective on 'safe space' too. I'm not sure... If we think of coaching as an essentially co-active relationship, the coach works with the client to create an environment (perhaps, in some ways, analogous to a 'therapeutic container') that the client experiences as safe-enough to pose and receive challenge and take risks. I like what you are saying - at least what I think you are saying - about 'safety such as it applies to any current context of change'. It sounds like: part of the benefit of coaching is to enable greater integration and resilience with and for the client that extends into wider environments in which they live-work too?