Head in the sand

24/11/2016

Ignorance is bliss - until we realise our ignorance. Therein lies a painful paradox at the crux of films like, The Matrix and Vanilla Sky. There can be something deeply unsettling, disorientating, releasing about a dramatic shift in awareness like a sudden waking from sleep. Our eyes are opened, we can see and now we face fresh possibilities, choices and responsibilities. Ironically, the existentialist French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre described this experience bleakly as, ‘condemned to be free.’

This awareness-raising phenomenon raises important practical and ethical questions for those working in people professions. The Brazilian educator, Paulo Freire, emphasised the importance of 'conscientisation', critical consciousness-raising, as a means to liberation. He argued that people are in some ways unaware of themselves, their circumstances, until enabled to see through fresh eyes. This resonates with a Chinese proverb: ‘If you want to know what water is, don’t ask a fish’.

A girl I was working with recently from a very different cultural background to my own reinforced this point: ‘I didn’t see myself until you saw me.’ Her interactions with me as an outsider enabled her to see herself in a new light – as if for the first time. This idea of metaphorically (and sometimes literally) stepping back to notice what we had previously not noticed, to critique and reframe our insights and experiences, to open up new choices and actions, is at the heart of reflective practice.

Yet someone challenged me strongly on the ethics of this last night: ‘Who are we to raise others’ awareness like this? What if it leads them to be less happy, more frustrated in life?’ If we enable people to reflect, critique and de/reconstruct their current realities, what if they and others experience the net impact as negative? Is it always true that it is better to be aware than to be unaware? Who makes that decision? If you work with people, I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas on this!

166 Comments

Adrian Spurrell

24/11/2016 11:30:17 am

Froome put much the same point. His argument was "if you want to live in a world that avoids pain and maximizes pleasure then unawareness is best". Obviously he takes the argument much further, but its a concept that occurs in a number of places - both ethically and also as a need for leadership. The ability for leaders to see a system and then other possible systems is an increasingly sought after but stubbornly rare ability.

Nick Wright

24/11/2016 11:32:54 am

Thanks Adrian. Interesting link with leadership...Does being a leader imply an implicit right and responsibility to question and challenge people's existing perspectives, paradigms etc?

Adrian Spurrell

24/11/2016 12:33:59 pm

Interesting question, but I think so. By accepting a person as a leader, whether commercially or politically, I think you implicitly give that permission. The better leaders, however, explicitly initiate that conversation and say that's what they would like to do and contract for it.

Nick Wright

24/11/2016 12:34:25 pm

So...contracting is key.

Cath Norris

24/11/2016 11:33:24 am

I think it's a valuable and important question Nick. I believe there's an issue of ethics here. As a coach I always try to work with the will and volition of my clients. My focus is their focus. It's not about speaking into someone's life uninvited, trying to open their eyes because I think that they ought to and in the belief that I know what's best for them. Rather it's about matching my will and intent to theirs, following their lead around what we explore together. It's understanding why they are seeking to evolve their awareness and supporting them in that.

Nick Wright

24/11/2016 11:35:14 am

Thanks Cath. It's hard for me to imagine coaching without awareness-raising. Perhaps the issue is about contracting with the client about purpose, respective roles, boundaries etc. and how to address them in practice?

Cath Norris

26/11/2016 09:38:22 am

Nick, this a key ethical question which influences how I go about coaching. 'Who are we to raise others awareness like this?' begs the question as to the 'this' in the statement. As a coach my aim is to support my clients own will, volition and self determinism. It isn't my role to speak unbidden into their life. They make the invitation and I seek to clarify the peramiters of that, their purpose and how best we can work on that together. It isn't my role to tear veils, rather to assist them in bringing their own awareness to what concerns them. Am I missing something here?

Nick Wright

26/11/2016 09:39:54 am

I think you expressed that beautifully, Cath. I love the vivid and evocative imagery too...e.g 'It isn't my role to tear veils...'

Pamina Mullins

24/11/2016 01:54:30 pm

Beautifully and deeply explored as always Nick - and a very valid question. My view is that looking back on my own awakening experiences yes it was deeply uncomfortable at the time, but the quantum leaps it enabled me to make toward claiming authentic power have been worth it a 100 times over. I wouldn't trade a thing. In all my years of practice I haven't had one student or client say otherwise. But I do think its important for them to know I am there to support them through the toughest part of the awakening/empowerment process, because transitions like this can be very disorienting at the time. It can be a bit like an earthquake, when the ground beneath your feet you've always assumed was solid, suddenly becomes unstable.

Nick Wright

24/11/2016 02:02:25 pm

Thanks for your kind feedback, Pamina. My experience has been similar to your own. It's often the unsettling - at the time - experiences that stimulate growth. This includes, for me, the challenge I received last night!

I guess an important question is whether others (e.g. students, clients) invite the coach to play the unsettling role...or agree to it with awareness if the coach offers it.

I was challenged some years ago by the psychologist, Alison Hardingham, on this point. She said I was great at helping people deconstruct their assumptions and realities but sometimes didn't help them to reconstruct new realities.

This carried the risk of leaving people floundering. I think this is where your point about offering support throughout the process is so critical. I've needed to learn to expand my practice to incorporate this dimension more proactively and explicitly.

Pamina Mullins

25/11/2016 09:59:24 am

Yes Nick, this is a critical part of the process. In fact I think it answers your original question - yes it is a coach's job to deconstruct assumptions and reframe beliefs, because meaningful change isn't possible without this. But it's equally important to see the process through and not to leave someone floundering between two realities. If you do, the risk of having them revert to old default patterns is high, because they're feeling so unsafe and confused.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 10:01:28 am

Thanks Pamina. Well said! I once worked with a community development guru, Catherine Widdicombe, who said that we need to discern when to intervene directively, when to work-with non-directively and when to positively withdraw. Words of wisdom!

Rev. Robert Meagher

24/11/2016 07:08:03 pm

Wonderful post Nick. Thank you.

I am reminded of two, foundational teachings regarding psychotherapy (at least in my training). The first, from a very broad perspective, all psychotherapy is about removing the blockages to truth. And the second teaching, which links to the first, is that as therapists we need to question the reality of our clients. For the simple reason that the reality they 'perceive' they are in (and 'perceive' is the key word here) is causing them some form of 'dis-ease', otherwise they wouldn't be in therapy to begin with. So to "raise others' awareness" as you put it is a potentially loving way of (a) removing the blockages to truth; and (b) questioning their reality.

Again, great post, Nick. Thank you for sharing here. Shanti

Nick Wright

24/11/2016 07:36:38 pm

Hi Robert and thanks for such heartwarming feedback. I like the way you summarised the foundational teachings. Social constructionism poses some fundamental challenges to the first teaching, the notion of 'removing blockages to truth'. Are you familiar with it? The teachings you describe form part of the contract with the client. Perhaps an ethical question is how to ensure the client understands and agrees the therapist's role in this respect...and the potential psychological, emotional, relational and cultural consequences of questioning their perceived realities?

Margot Borden

25/11/2016 10:03:12 am

Thank you Nick for your timely and insightful article. It is certainly part of our role as therapists to invite the client to question their reality. If they welcome the invitation, we go through that door with them. If they resist, we can also explore the beliefs and dynamics around that. Gently, slowly, we can help our clients to ease into more wholesome and more holistic views of themselves and reality while respecting their worldview. How do we implement this in session? I think I speak for many of us in saying that we can feel the ways and places in which our clients are open to receiving our feedback and challenges and the ways in which they may be harboring a blind spot or outright resistance. Again, all of this can be conscientised opening up enriching possibilities for ourselves and our clients. Saying the unsaid saves us from our ignorance, resistance and blind spots and helps us to to take on the challenge of being fully human.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 10:08:30 am

Thanks Margot. I think you expressed that beautifully. Perhaps one of the key ethical points is implicit in your comment, 'If they welcome the invitation...' The person who challenged me the other night was concerned that if we raise awareness in a person's life, they may nevertheless lack the resources culturally, economically, politically etc. to make the changes that would enable them to reach the goals they now desire. This can be a particular challenge in international development where so many cultural and systemic factors trap people in their current realities. Does that make sense?

Louisa Futter (Garnett)

25/11/2016 10:17:37 am

Another great thoughtprovoking piece Nick. One of the discussion topics I regularly have with my stepfather after a bottle of wine! The waking up can be frightening - know that first hand. It feels frightening and unfair and you wish you could stay in the not knowing. But the posttraumatic growth is worth it in the end. The challenge, I think, is supporting people to stick with the growth process long enough and believe in it. without support alot of us slip into unhelpful patterns to divert the pain and fear of 'knowing ' so we think it's worse to know. But that's just the short term.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 10:25:48 am

Many thanks, Louise. I'm sure wine helps in this type of conversation! :) I agree the waking can be frightening. Sometimes it's frightening because we find hopes and dreams awakened within us that we have no realistic hope of fulfilling. I once coached a woman in Myanmar during the military dictatorship period. I asked her what her hopes were for the future. She looked at me completely blankly...then confused...then with pain. She responded quietly, 'I have never thought about it before. I honestly have no hope.' She then shared something of her personal, family and community life story and context. Now I was the person who felt lost for words. I think this is where some of the difficult ethical issues can arise that I was challenged on the other night...

Laurenne Di Salvo

25/11/2016 10:27:15 am

My approach in this space is often to ask permission first. I might say something like 'would it be ok to challenge you here?' or 'can I make an observation?' Then, the client gets to choose how far you go. I find most clients want you to highlight blind spots and offer alternative perspectives. This is often why they seek coaching.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 10:28:20 am

Hi Laurenne. I think that emphasises the value and importance of clear and honest contracting with the client.

Dave Smith

25/11/2016 10:30:05 am

I'd argue *presenting* is about raising awareness; *training* goes stages further than just imparting knowledge - it's also about improving skills and capability, shaping mindsets and opinion, altering behaviour and generally benefiting and advancing someone by the end of the session.

I've delighted in seeing the change in people after my training: growing in confidence, changing from can't-do to can-do, even changing from won't-do to must-think-how-to. I've had a number of people who have approached me after the first day in a 3-5 day session, telling me that they were warned the subject was going to be a huge yawn-fest, that they should prepare for coffee... but they were completely surprised at just how much they enjoyed it and were looking forward to day 2.

After your experience in the Philippines, you now understand it's not really about the training, more about the learning - you learned a lesson from someone who didn't even train you!

"What if it leads them to be less happy, more frustrated in life?" - perhaps that individual should have been asked "would you have preferred to be happy yet blissfully ignorant, or educated and more aware of your surroundings but unhappier as a result?"

I'm sure people in medical centres would prefer the cold truth - no matter how unhappy it made them - than attempts at concealing the facts for fear of upsetting them. What you say doesn't have the effect; it's how they interpret and receive your messages that determines their state of happiness.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 10:43:18 am

Hi Dave. Sounds like you have great ways of engaging learners in your training. :) The medical centre analogy is a very good and useful one. The issue becomes quite complex if we move beyond individual diagnoses (e.g. 'You have X condition') to look at some of the e.g. social, cultural and economic factors that may have contributed to this person's (and other people's) health.

This shifts the conversation...and the awareness...beyond the individual to the wider context. Ethical challenges may arise for those working with the person. For example, 'What should I disclose?', 'To whom?', 'How?', 'When?', 'Who decides?', 'What questions should I raise about the wider influencing factors?', 'What action should I advocate?', 'What's my role in this?'

The wider issues and dynamics can be complex, stress-inducing, difficult to change and can feel overwhelming - especially for the person and family trying to cope with the immediate impacts of ill health. At the same time, if these issues aren't addressed...similar instances of ill health will continue to occur. Better to live in ignorance..? A tricky one.

Dave Smith

25/11/2016 11:06:50 am

I'm kinda in two minds about this.

Firstly, I don't believe it's my position to control information flow that someone should receive - I believe in keeping them well-informed and empowering them to make their own decisions, meaning I show the drawbacks as well as benefits of things I train in: I should be ethical and honest, even if some drawbacks are embarrassing.

However, the *way* in which the information is delivered - and understanding how it could be received - certainly influences my communication. I'd not go and demand a grieving parent move their car because it's blocking my path... you need to be empathic to the environment and cultural sensitivities.

It's a tough call to make - it is actually better NOT revealing that information and leaving them in ignorance? I believe not, but it strongly influences my timing of news.

This goes beyond training and more to do with sensitivity in communication - there's a difference between being cold on facts yet warm on delivery.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 11:11:58 am

Hi Dave. Yes, sensitivity is so important. I think it's something too about having awareness ourselves and offering choices. I touched on similar issues in a piece on coaching a while ago - and received some interesting responses! http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spotlight

Robert Grzybek

25/11/2016 07:29:12 pm

I love this one. I have just finished a book on coaching in busienss settings and the same thought "who are we..." had crossed my mind several times while writing. Any coach runs a risk of adopting "know-better" attitude. I like to view coacing as a sensemaking excercise. It is risky. The only thing you can do is to warn your coachee, make it clear that sesnsemaking may lead to suprising, sometimes unpleasant discoveries. But chances are at the end even the unpleasant ones may turn positive. Let him or her make a well-informed decison.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 07:30:23 pm

Hi Robert. I like the way you expressed that...especially the 'warn your coachee'!

Toby Poulsom

25/11/2016 10:48:35 pm

This is a really interesting question. I've attempted to answer it quickly several times now but abandoned each attempt. My intuitive answer is that I would never hesitate to work with anyone for fear of leaving them in a worse situation than when I started. Although I've had similar discussions before, a meaningful response, that isn't a yard long, will take some more thought.

Hope to see some more responses from people.

Nick Wright

25/11/2016 10:49:14 pm

Thank you for such an honest response, Toby.

Kerriann Toby

26/11/2016 02:25:21 pm

Interesting post ... it is definitely an ethical issue ... and it goes back to first do no harm ... if it is noted that the client is not ready and or desirous with the exception of self harm or harm to others you stop and be guided by the client ... but truth be told as humans we are a lot more resilient than we think and so it is my humble opinion that nothing and I do mean nothing enters our awareness until there is a minimum measure of readiness ... Great Post 😊

Nick Wright

26/11/2016 02:27:45 pm

Thanks Kerriann. Really interesting thoughts. I like the link to 'do no harm'. In my experience too, people are more resilient than we may sometimes imagine.

Michelle Wilkinson, M.A.

26/11/2016 02:32:52 pm

I am just getting started as a coach, and I love this question. In my very 'new shoes', I'm looking forward to having this question come to mind frequently as I meet with my first clients. I'm grateful for this group to help me keep aware of my own responsibility in the process of helping others uncover their own answers.

Nick Wright

26/11/2016 02:34:07 pm

Thanks Michelle...and welcome to the world of coaching! :)

Dr. Luqman (lucky) Rajput

26/11/2016 03:59:40 pm

Awareness raising for me is very important part of coaching.

Nick Wright

26/11/2016 04:01:06 pm

For me too, Lucky.

Miklos A. Szilagyi

27/11/2016 12:26:40 pm

An iterative process might be the solution where each step needs a feedback whether to keep on going forward... and the coach do not to overthink the client in either direction... to decide not to push (rather pull/instigate) might also be overthinking...

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:27:57 pm

Hi Miklos.I think 'whether to keep going on forward' is a really good question...as is, perhaps, 'what would constitute 'forward' for you from here?'

Lynn Lennon

27/11/2016 12:28:41 pm

I only teach on this level when I can tell there is deep sincerity in the other person. Then I give them the "Don't reckon on going back." (Gurdjieff) talk. ...warnings, disclosures, disclaimers, "this cannot be undone"...

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:31:28 pm

Hi Lynn. 'This cannot be undone' is an interesting comment...and it allows the other person to choose - with awareness.

John b. May

27/11/2016 12:32:11 pm

"Where ignorance is bliss,is it folly to be wise?" Or is wisdom ,partially at least ,knowing that we know nothing and not even being sure of this?🙃

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:32:45 pm

Hi John. I hear echoes of Socrates... ;)

Darren A. Gray

27/11/2016 12:35:16 pm

Hi Nick
I work with people both through resources I create and face-to-face with ages kids to adults. The ethical challenge you received comes from a post-modern, relativistic framework. In other words, ‘there is no right or wrong’, ‘what’s good for you may not be good for me’, ‘you go your way and I’ll go mine and, hey, we’ll still meet in the middle (how?)’. The problem with relativism is it imposes what it purports to directly oppose. So, in challenging you about the ethics of raising awareness, the person has raised your awareness. And, it seems by the tone of your response, it has made you feel uncomfortable. This is exactly what the person was purporting to oppose. A relativistic worldview self-destructs.
Secondly, the notion that it must be wrong to raise awareness treats the one having their awareness raised akin to the proverbial bull seeing a red flag. It suggests they have no mechanism by which to discern what is harmful or helpful. But if their awareness is never raised, they may never have the opportunity to use their free will and choose. Given the person challenging you by raising your awareness comes from a relativistic framework, a world without absolutes, they are probably assuming all people have no ability to know what is actually right and good.

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:40:20 pm

Hi Darren and thanks for posing such interesting challenges. I disagree that the ethical dilemma I described 'comes from a postmodern, relativistic framework.' These dilemmas have been alive in discourse around humanitarianism, for instance, for many hundreds of years!

Martine Dinh

27/11/2016 12:50:27 pm

My first thought is that whatever you do there will be someone to "strongly challenge you"... For the "who are we", we are coaches! This means people hire us to do just that and support them to adjust to what they discovered! We do nothing "to them" that hasn't been agreed to. Our clients work for themselves. We carefully explain the process beforehand and get necessary permissions in the contract and opening session to offer different perspectives or ask challenging questions. Clients living in a bliss do not hire coaches...

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:53:56 pm

Hi Martine. I agree. Perhaps the ethical question points to a need to discuss explicitly and contract around potential implications of new awareness for the client as we work with them?

Martine Dinh

28/11/2016 10:20:55 pm

How many cases have you studied where a client of a trained coach following ICF ethical guidelines, has entered coaching in ignorant bliss and left coaching frustrated by the awareness created?
All the coaches I have worked with have a contract that reminds me I am fully responsible of my well being ...

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:23:28 pm

Hi Martine. Since you ask...I once ran a coaching scheme with as team of ICF accredited coaches for new and inexperienced managers. We had the scheme independently evaluated afterwards and many of the managers commented that they found the experience more frustrating and demotivating than empowering. Interesting learning experience for all involved..!

Marion Duff registered MBACP

27/11/2016 12:56:22 pm

My experience has taught me that everyone has an area of unknowing or unawareness always there inside them however clever their intellectual theories, or emotional and actual integration. Awareness seems to rise up from within us by Grace, ( not by a therapist) as layers peel away to reveal our many angles, roles and views on reality, to disclose a knowing presence within, of a simple mysterious core no mortal therapist can fully understand.

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:57:24 pm

Thanks Marion. I really like the way you expressed that and it certainly resonates with my experience too.

Mirjam van den Bosch

27/11/2016 12:58:14 pm

What is the value of training / coaching without - at least - trying to create awareness?

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 12:58:46 pm

That's a good question, Mirjam. :)

Lynn Isaacs

27/11/2016 01:00:27 pm

These revelations are very deep and thought provoking.
For those who prefer not to know resonates with the soul not ready to hear the message conveyed in the awareness, openeness and transparency of the revelation.
If the doors to awareness are readily received and opened by an individual, the soul is ready to receive the message( revelation) . A shift in consciouness occurs. Everything that seemed meaningless to the naked eyes are now looked at with greater depth and understanding. i often compare it to changing a pair of sunglasses.
I do believe the shift is a continuous process and not everything is revealed to the eyes at once because the mind needs to make sense of the once ordinary and now need to adjust focus.
As we awaken the hidden in the obivious, rebelations takes on a different meaning. Each individual will experience awakeneing at different level of consciousness.
The process differs for everyone and not everyone are ready for a shift in paradigm.
Hope I am making sense...

Nick Wright

27/11/2016 01:04:45 pm

Thanks Lynn. I agree with you that there is something about willingness, readiness and ability to face fresh revelations...and this requires sensitivity on the part of the facilitator of new awareness...

Gwen Griffith

28/11/2016 09:22:55 pm

Hi Nick!
My 2 cents:
I hold back a lot. I think of Pochaska(?sp) in his stages of readiness which I have consistently seen as true. His first stage is "unaware". I've learned to respect that stage in others. It's an intuitive moment I coaching when I have to ask God if I share this or don't. Often it's "no-not yet." So I write it down.

Frequently, especially with believers, in 2-3 weeks -as whatever the topic was comes around again- it is evident that they have done some work in that area. I page back to the notes from the previous call and deliver it as a question. And usually it is a landed home run.

So to the very point you raise, that moment by moment walking with a client by serving their awareness with humility requires the greater love and obedience to a greater authority on that client's life. I believe , in my own right, I ought not to deliver something life altering until I truly sense they are ready.

My submitting to that authority as a posture is how the coaching gift flows in me.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 09:25:45 pm

Hi Gwen. Thanks for the note. I like your approach to discerning readiness...which requires patience and humility on the part of the coach. I like your emphasis on asking, listening and responding to God too!

Adrian Guerra

28/11/2016 09:27:07 pm

It is a fascinating topic, is like the biggest liar you could meet is yourself. Once you are set to your own 'frame' you see the world in a way that reinforces your fears, assumptions & prejudices; denial at its finest.

No matter context, social class, nor how much there is in your account, I see it everyday: people focused on defending a partial personal opinion rather than 'destructing' a little part of themselves and learn something.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 09:30:08 pm

Hi Adrian. On that note, you may find this short piece interesting: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/delusion

Rebecca Longman

28/11/2016 09:31:00 pm

This is a very interesting idea. It's something I've noticed in myself since moving to another country and working in a completely different culture. Particularly since both cultures are English speaking and so I thought they would be very similar. How wrong I was.

By recognizing the differences in how people viewed my interactions I started to see how business relationships between the UK (London - each part of the UK has its own culture) and the US (East coast - each state is its own culture!) could be both bolstered and compromised through simple communicative differences. For example, the New Yorker's like to get straight to the point - Londoners are much less forthright in their interactions. New Yorker's expect forthright interactions. In London (not all parts, of course, every organization and even different teams have their own sub-cultures) this would come across as rude rather than confident.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 09:33:02 pm

Thanks Rebecca. I think that's such an interesting point about how we may approach raising awareness differently depending on the different people and cultures we are working with.

Gennifer Robbins

28/11/2016 09:51:04 pm

Very fascinating question to ponder, for sure. My thought; however, is why are our clients choosing us? What do they want out of these coaching sessions? Those questions need clarified at the first meeting, IMO. I believe awareness is what people are ultimately seeking whether it's someone helping them to see it or asking the probing questions to help them come to their own conclusions with soft guidance. I do feel that with self-awareness and awakening comes discomfort and sometimes outright pain. That is where our expertise comes in to play to co-create a plan of action to help them heal, see the world from their "new" lens, and work towards new goals! This to me is our greatest challenge and biggest responsibility!!!!

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 09:53:54 pm

Hi Gennifer and thanks for the note. Yes, if clients choose us and we contract with them around what they are hoping for from their interactions with us, that is a different dynamic to if we approach people with a view to raising their awareness because we believe it would be of benefit to them.

Alan Wingrove

28/11/2016 09:55:22 pm

I think Gennifer Robbins is bang on, with clarification. It's something that happens when contracting when, as Cath Norris so nicely puts it, "They make the invitation and I seek to clarify the parameters of that, their purpose and how best we can work on that together."
The depth we go can always be re-contracted because, as Lynn Lennon has said, "this cannot be undone...."
During my supervision practice, a lot of these ethical issues go back to the root of what has been contracted between coach and client.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 09:56:01 pm

I agree, Alan. Contracting - with awareness - is key.

Cath Norris

28/11/2016 09:56:50 pm

Alan, I agree that the majority of problems relate to contracting. We can have clients who seem to be very targeted and appear to contract with us to work actively on working towards a goal. I provide supervision and find that many coaches and therapists are culturally conditioned to work in 'achieve / goal focused mode'. With a genuine contract to achieve there's a commitment from and clear enough ground within clients for them to go for it. That provides a lot of scope for awareness raising through sharing insights and questioning.

I think that problems arise when coaches assume that they have such a contract and don't check out, recognise or respond to resistance or barriers around achieving. We need to really track out and listen for any such hesitancy and when it's present shift into relating to what's going on for our client. I see 'relate' as a totally different contract which requires really listening to understand and be present with the unfolding story and predicament. If we push toward the goal at this stage with the energy of wanting to achieve, we run the risk of being directive rather than respecting and discovering what it's really taking for our client to face and unfold the predicament that they've encountered.

Julia Katsivo

28/11/2016 09:58:09 pm

Awareness is a necessary component to what I do. And I'm fortunate to work with people who are driven to self-actualize which in turn led them to me.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 09:59:46 pm

Hi Julia. So you draw links between raising awareness and self-actualisation? Do you have any examples from experience you could share to show what this entails in practice?

Abby Spindelman

28/11/2016 10:00:56 pm

Relationships are mirrors - whether personal or professional - and if awareness is what they seek, it will show up in a 'coaching' relationship. If awareness is not what they seek, they'll be shown whatever else they need. If the client experiences more awareness of themselves and it leads to unhappiness, that is a reaction that only they can control. It is our jobs to ask questions so they can find their answers, it is not our job to provide answers. All healing is self-healing.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:03:14 pm

Hi Abby. I like the notion of relationships as mirrors. Ethically, I'm not sure how far the coach can absolve themself of all responsibility for what the client may experience and how they may deal with it.

Gerhard Krejcirik

28/11/2016 10:04:13 pm

"Who are we to raise others awareness ..." well, at least my clients pay for my best treatment as a coach. They expect it. They need it. And even then it's ME who decides how far to go. Therefor I don't have a grassroot recipe or a simple five-bullet-plan on .ppt - in my case it's a gut decision bred of my decades long experience. Nevertheless it is and ever will be a dance on razors edge. And nevertheless I'll keep pushing to the limit in order to get the best result possible for my client. It's not easy.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:07:50 pm

Hi Gerhard. I really like your graphic, evocative image of 'a dance on razors edge'. I guess it depends on whether the client is aware of the dance and what it may entail/feel like from the outset so that, as far as possible, they enter into that dance with awareness..?

Gonzalo Lozano

28/11/2016 10:09:16 pm

For our practice, feedback is the process of gaining greater awareness of ourselves and our surroundings to adjust and improve current and future actions and behaviors.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:09:58 pm

Hi Gonzalo. Could you share an example from your experience?

Gonzalo Lozano

29/11/2016 10:03:30 am

Good day Nick, our practice help coachees to develop awareness as part of the inner change. It is the foundation of our coaching styles. Anyone who wants real change, finds a way to work with us, while receiving feedback as part of their growth process. It is established from the beginning at the evaluation.

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 10:04:03 am

Thanks Gonzalo.

Dave Davis

28/11/2016 10:11:09 pm

I think critical awareness is one of the key elements to mentoring. Self-awareness and the ability to identify weaknesses and strengths and use these to improve your position are only going to lead to a positive journey, even if it feels like a negative first step. It starts with the unconscious incompetence state. As a mentor I often think "when was the last time I did that" after giving advice or guidance; sometimes as mentors we also need to step back and listen to our own advice. As a mentee I try to retain that critical awareness and use it to improve and work towards goals.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:13:55 pm

Hi Dave and thank you for sharing such interesting insights from a mentoring perspective. One of the ethical questions is whether it will always and necessarily lead to something that the client experiences as a positive journey, e.g. if there are adverse influencing factors outside of his or her ability to influence or control.

Mozah Al-Otaibi

28/11/2016 10:16:04 pm

Raising awareness for underprivileged groups without providing the necessary tools for them to develop themselves is in my opinion a very arrogant & condescending approach to human development; in some cases it will lead to negative impact on everyone.
Also raising awareness of employees about something they need to improve in their performance without providing them with the safe environment, new tasks focused on their development & the right mentorship is simply securing their position on the road to failure.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:16:58 pm

Thanks Mozah. I think you echo well the ethical concerns of the person who challenged me in this area!

Dave Smith

28/11/2016 10:17:44 pm

I agree, in some regards: creating/raising awareness is simply the start of the journey; there should be encouragement and support to progress.

I've witnessed the reverse situations: being ask to provide training and toolsets to improve performance without the audience being fully aware of why they needed to. That wasn't too pleasant an experience.

Siew Yun Pang

28/11/2016 10:24:14 pm

Truth hurts. Seeing oneself stripped away of all the illusions that we wrap ourselves in to get through life can cause some people to defend and fight the process. Trust in the coach and the process that the unravelling is part of the growth takes maturity and willingness on the part of the client.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:28:54 pm

Thanks Siew. Yes, that can be true. I think one of the ethical challenges is if, as a result of our interventions, the client grows in awareness of wider contextual, cultural, political (etc.) factors that lay outside of his or her influence or control. It's not that the client wants to defend themselves or fight the process. It's that they may feel completely powerless and debilitated by what they now see and face.

Tara Parker

28/11/2016 10:29:46 pm

Nick, this is a great thought provoking post!

You recalled the following question: "Who are we to raise others’ awareness like this? What if it leads them to be less happy, more frustrated in life?" As a coach there is a certain amount of awareness for others (referencing emotional intelligence) that should alert us as to the appropriate time to raise others' awareness. That is part of our training which develops our experience. As far as the happiness of others that is a choice and often times can be a difficult one. We cannot determine what makes another happy or how one will respond to anything we believe will add value to their life. Whether ignorance is bliss or awareness is key it is the value placed by the beholder that makes the difference and the system of placing value is as unique as the person. "One man's trash is another man's treasure" does not only regard material possessions but a frame of mind.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:32:14 pm

Thanks Tara. I think you highlight well some of the complexities that we grapple with! I like your emphasis on discerning appropriate timing. This strikes me as very important when working with people and groups, particularly vis a vis issues that have potentially serious implications for them.

Stephen Beukes

28/11/2016 10:33:26 pm

It strikes me that permission is relevant here. Coaches are led by the progress our clients wish to make - rather than our desire to raise awareness. Together we co-create a process that delivers that outcome . Each insight is shared gently and with permission.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:35:57 pm

Hi Stephen. Thanks for the note. In the spirit of co-creation or co-activity with the client, I now tend to think of reaching agreement - with awareness - rather than seeking permission. Would you agree..?

Jackie LeFevre

28/11/2016 10:42:27 pm

Freire's conscientisation underpins a lot of the work we do with the AVI values profiling tool.

What I would say is that in my experience anyone who is not ready or interested in seeing the world (and potentially their 'self' in it) simply rejects the insight opting to stay with their personal status quo. There have only been a handful of times in over a decade of values practice where people have told me that the tool is 'broken' or just 'rubbish' by virtue of what it suggests about their sense of self and the world and then as facilitator it is really important not to push but to accept and say 'sorry about that - shall we just have a conversation about what matters instead'.

As long as the coaching/leadership/mentorship comes from a place of positive regard and constructive intent then I think we are absolutely people who should be opening doors and windows and inviting others to share the view.

Nick Wright

28/11/2016 10:45:52 pm

Hi Jackie. I think that's an interesting idea about people who are 'not ready or interested' simply rejecting the insight in favour of the/their status quo. Perhaps an ethical question emerges when the person doesn't reject the insight but struggles to deal with the potential consequences of it, e.g. for themselves and others they care about..?

Lisa Bakker

29/11/2016 09:37:41 am

"If we enable people to reflect, critique and de/reconstruct their current realities, what if they and others experience the net impact as negative? "

A couple of questions Nick:
Why would you interpret a possible outcome for the other person ?
Why are we meeting the people we meet? Why do they come to us ?
Could it be that - in our enabling them - they enable us (unknowingly) ?
Why consider the "net impact as negative" as the end station instead of the beginning ?

And then from a creative spirit point of view...when there are two in it's name gathered, another force appears.
In other words: Why disconnect from a larger information field that might have its own "approach" in awakening?

What is the distinction between negative and destructive ? ie what image/associations do you carry when you speak of negative?

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 09:42:46 am

Thanks Lisa. Interesting questions. To clarify, I'm not seeking to interpret a possible outcome for the other person. It's about how the other person...or group...or community experience and construe their own outcome. People come to us for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they are sent, sometimes they feel compelled by others or by circumstances, sometimes they hope us to wave a magic wand to fix something, sometimes because they want to learn and grow. So it is a mixed picture. I think the distinction between negative and destructive is an important one...as is the meaning that each of those words could hold for the client.

Lisa Bakker

29/11/2016 10:34:16 am

"It's about how the other person...or group...or community experience and construe their own outcome."
I second that Nick and appreciate you use the word construe.

Since you also introduce the effects on "a group or a community" I cannot help directing my observations to everything that has happened with Brexit and the USA elections.
I have no wish (at all) to start a political-ish debate but I do feel this topic of yours has it's "coaching merits" in those events.

It allows me to circle back to your opening sentence:
"There can be something deeply unsettling, disorientating, releasing about a dramatic shift in awareness like a sudden waking from sleep. " Isn't that what can be observed after the events?

This piece is profound and even more than I think it might be. It certainly is food for thought (for me) to ponder on a broader coach perspective and one I have never thought about....political coaching....citizen coaching...election coaching.

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 10:41:55 am

Hi Lisa. More interesting reflections. I came into coaching via political activism, human rights and community development - including international - then organisation development. That means my coaching outlook is influenced considerably by contextual, cultural and systemic factors. Always interested to hear your thoughts and insights!

Caroline Welkin

29/11/2016 09:43:31 am

When people put themselves in the way of learning they are open to increase awareness. That awareness goes both ways, for us as trainers to participants as well as our participants to trainers. All perspectives are part of the whole we cannot see fully.

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 09:45:30 am

I like the way you expressed that, Caroline. The implicit ethical questions may be around awareness and choice. If people 'put themselves in the way of learning', it suggests they are doing it with awareness and choosing to do it. That is very different to doing-to.

Neill Hahn

29/11/2016 09:47:16 am

Another thought provoking post, thanks Nick Wright, including all the comments. In the first few minutes of a session with a new client, I raise the issue of what they can expect from talking to a counsellor, compared to a friend. I see it, & state it, as my job to help them explore their area of discomfort, explaining that it's something a good friend probably won't do to them. They then know we will be raising awareness and discomfort, for a good purpose. I suggest that they love their friends for trying to keep them comfortably stable, but too much stability isn't good if we are kept in an emotionally bad place. We only need raised awareness if we want to move on, which most clients do or they would just stay home, circling in blissfully ignorant contentment. (And don't we all, at times.) Being clear about the risk of discomfort in the process seems to relax people. It's only polite; like a physical therapist letting you know that "this may sting a bit".

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 09:49:41 am

Thanks Neill. I think you expressed that beautifully. The ethical point in your approach may lay in raising the client's awareness of what may happen to/for them as you work together so that they enter into the relationship, the work - if they choose do to so - with awareness and choice?

Debby Enoe

29/11/2016 09:50:45 am

I do believe increasing someone's awareness is important, but the decision is now up to the individual as to what action they take with this new knowledge.

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 09:52:13 am

Hi Debby. An ethical question may be how to ensure the individual enters into the awareness-raising process with awareness of what this may entail and call for from them if/as they move forward - in whatever way they construe as 'forward'?

Liz Wooton

29/11/2016 09:52:56 am

I have worked with people who have loved the experience of seeing themselves differently, and for whom it has been a thoroughly positive experience. I have also worked with some, and one of note, who at first found the experience transformational, and then suddenly changed, shut down, and reverted to the previous behaviours, prior to the process beginning. At that point, there was nothing I could do to continue the process,except to hope that a seed had been planted, which one day that person would be ready to nurture and grow. Ultimately it was their decision to take action, or not. A shift in self-awareness like you describe can absolutely be unsettling. And if people are not ready for it, they are very likely to revert back into their shell.

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 09:56:04 am

Thanks for such an honest and insightful response, Liz. A third alternative is that individuals and groups may grow in new awareness and not revert back, yet feel completely debilitated in the face of factors, influences etc. that are very significant to their/others' experiences and yet they feel completely powerless to affect them.

Liz Wootton

1/12/2016 09:48:54 am

Thank you, Nick. And I think you are right - and this group is particularly challenging, because of the inherent discomfort that this situation would cause. However, would you agree that most people would choose some action that would remove them from the discomfort and debilitation? Perhaps that they would go back to a comfort zone, or to find a way to continue in the forwards motion until they found more comfort? Sometimes that can come in the form that the coach who helped them grow in awareness was wrong or clueless... which is not great for the coach, but may at least alleviate the client's discomfort!!

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:49:59 am

Hi Liz. Yes - I agree that is true and likely.

Joseph Ogbonna

29/11/2016 04:50:20 pm

The client is always making choices and we can encourage them to make them consciously.
If the job of a coach is to help make the journey quicker and less painful than it would have been without a coach, then surely there's no need to steer clear of rough journeys, provided the destinations and the feelings are positive?

Nick Wright

29/11/2016 04:55:23 pm

Hi Joseph. I agree...so long as the client knows from the outset that the journey may be a rough one...and that, for some clients in some situations, the destination may feel harder than the point of departure!

David Head

1/12/2016 09:02:34 am

Understanding ourselves and our effect on others is a voyage of discovery. Most clients will welcome our ability to accelerate that process, and will accept often high degrees of challenge along the way. I tend to ask them about this at the outset, to understand the degree to which they wish to be challenged. Most say 'very' 8 or 9/10 or similar. Having committed and contracted they are usually active truth seekers, however uncomfortable that may be at times.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:05:13 am

Hi David. I agree, particularly in a coaching context where a person has chosen to embark on that journey. It can also be useful to ask, say, 'What challenges do you anticipate facing as we travel along this journey together?', 'What could an 8/10 challenge look and feel like for you?'

Frank O'Neill Elias

1/12/2016 09:05:56 am

In my practice raising the level of consciousness of the coachee is crucial.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:07:41 am

I agree, Frank, especially where our coaching approach is linked to developing reflective practice. The question is...what ethical issues can 'raising the level of consciousness' raise...and how do we deal with them?

Elizabeth Okada

1/12/2016 09:08:24 am

In my experience many clients value that opportunity to raise their self-awareness and to examine themselves and to reflect on their impact on others. But the choice always remains with the client on how they wish to use that awareness.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:13:29 am

Hi Elizabeth. Perhaps a related ethical issue is how to enable clients to exercise choice about 'raising self-awareness' itself...e.g. by raising their awareness of what it may lead to and entail for them..?

Kim Uildriks

1/12/2016 09:16:02 am

Thanks Nick for the great points! Raising awareness is all part of the clinical approach & most people can handle it, esp. if constructive comments & ?s about coping reactions are couched within clients' philosophical frameworks. E.g. "You seem to react like this because."

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:17:30 am

Thanks Kim. I think working with clients on their coping strategies can be an important ethical dimension to coaching practice.

Martine Kessler

1/12/2016 09:18:20 am

No, I don't think it's always better to "raise other's awareness." How raising is defined can be a matter of opinion and is open to cultural, religious and other influences. I try to respect my client's world view, even when different from my own. Even if a client agrees to be challenged they may not really know what they are agreeing to or how it will change things. Perhaps adding that there might be a consequence - "Could I ask you about something that might change the way you feel about...or might change the way you see..." I only challenge a client's reality if it is necessary for them to achieve what they define as a desired outcome. If the lack of awareness is blocking them from a goal that they've identified and new awareness is necessary for them to move in the direction of their goal, then the realization is positive; If it leaves them just feeling self-critical, judged or disempowered, or it leads to relationship conflict, it is more harmful than good, in my opinion.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:23:51 am

Hi Martine and thanks for such a stimulating response. I agree wholeheartedly about cultural influences including, ethically, on what an appropriate approach and response to 'awareness-raising' could be. I think that, in some contexts, we may raise awareness because we believe it is in others' best interests...without them having been aware or having understood beforehand what its implications could be for them psychologically, socially, relationally etc.

Vijendra Kumar

1/12/2016 09:24:55 am

You cant raise others awareness. You could only facilitate. It is their choice and decision to be aware of.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:26:11 am

Hi Vijendra. I wonder how far that is necessarily true. "Discuss"..!

Dave Davis

1/12/2016 09:34:09 am

I'm interested in the use of "clients" in this discussion. This to me indicates that a financial transaction has taken place. I've only been involved in voluntary mentoring through engineering institutions, so the relationship is always on the basis on mutual trust and respect, rather than a fee. Does paying a fee provide the necessity to see changes over set periods? If so, then I think "clients" could be pushed faster than they may feel comfortable with in order to demonstrate "progress". This to me could mean that rather than peel back the silkscreen slowly for a mentee to develop and become critically aware at a comfortable pace, there may be too much critical awareness provided in one single hit which could be overwhelming and have an overall negative effect.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:38:10 am

Hi Dave. I am using the word 'client' generically to refer to a person I've contracted to work with. For me, it doesn't necessarily entail a financial transaction. However, I think you have introduced a very important point about potential dynamics and implications of this type of transaction. If the coach or mentor feels compelled to achieve results for this or other similar reasons, he or she may inadvertently drive the agenda in an attempt to achieve change and, in doing so, lose sight of the client's preferred agenda, pace etc.

Nelson Edison Aguiflor

1/12/2016 09:39:14 am

When I am in these situations I go by the Chinese proverb "When the student is ready, teacher will come." If the person before me is ready I (if I'm ready and willing) become the teacher. If the person just needs another human being to vent out to, then I (if ready and willing) become the emotional sponge. Both of us should be ready and willing in both scenarios. If you think you're helping someone (without their consent) you're actually fixing what's wrong with you at their journey's expense - messianic complex I believe it's called. Being a teacher in life is not transactional (one off and you're on your own) it requires commitment. "You are responsible for what you tame" - The Little Prince.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:41:03 am

Hi Nelson. Thank you for sharing such profound insights...and for your very pertinent quotation from 'The Little Prince'! :)

Piper Purdon

1/12/2016 09:41:38 am

Willingness to be shaken particularly to the core of our implicit biases and willingness to ride out the emotional upheaval that'll follow. Willingness to accept you can never go back. Willingness to remain vigilant ...

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:44:13 am

Hi Piper. I love how you expressed that so evocatively. Yes, there is a question of willingness, of choice. Ethically, there's also a question about raising awareness at the outset of what the journey could entail and lead to.

Glenn Jacob

1/12/2016 09:45:40 am

The ethics revolve around consent and engagement- doing things with people rather than to them. Beyond that, every interaction you have will naturally leave you and others slightly changed. Often, a relationship like the one you described evolves and can lead to significant change for both.
It is called living.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:47:14 am

Hi Glenn. I agree that every interaction leads to change. It's a human, relational, dialectical process. I also believe that there is an ethical question around raising potential implications of interaction with another, especially if we are working 'in role' in OD, coaching etc.

Cath Norris

1/12/2016 09:51:06 am

Hi Liz and Nick, I know that in my own journey I have at times experienced considerable expansion followed by a large degree of contraction. This has been especially true in group settings where a coach/ facilitator has been able to support a very deep, collective dive into what was around for us. I was unable, in the short term, to hold open the space which had opened up in me. I think it relates to our capacity for self reliance, the degree to which we have evolved our ability to really stay present with whatever is going on for us and hold with the implications of that. In my therapeutic training I thrashed around in this dynamic for many years but managed to none the less hold myself in the process. Eventually my resistance gave, I submitted to the process and eventually experienced a fundamental shift which enabled me to use my will to actively embrace the learning and it's implications rather than resist it.

Nick, wouldn't you then explore the apparent sense of powerlessness?

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:55:17 am

Thanks for sharing such a deep and insightful personal journey, Cath. I can certainly identify with the expansion/contraction experience...both personally and in people and groups I have worked with too. I think one of the questions you touch on implicitly here is that of motivation. How I, how people, respond to new experiences partly depends on what I or they perceive to be the benefits of persevering - sometimes in the face of considerable discomfort. If I or they choose to stay with it, there needs to be a deeper belief, a deeper hope, that it will be worth it. Do you agree?

Cath Norris

6/12/2016 11:01:24 am

Absolutely Nick, we definitely need to have a reason in order to persevere. The perceived benefits of continuing need to outweigh the benefits of staying as we are. I think we have to reach a tipping point or in the case of personal development have an understanding of the general benefits of processing disturbance.

Nick Wright

6/12/2016 11:02:42 am

Thanks Cath. I think the coach's role in enabling a person or group to reach and cross the tipping point is where some interesting and important ethical issues arise..!

Miklos A. Szilagyi

1/12/2016 09:56:12 am

Dear Nick, to your question: "...as is, perhaps, 'what would constitute 'forward' for you from here?'...", voilà: for me it simply means that the client - by understanding the options - is to say OK for any of the options and we then could continue... My main point is: don't push, don't pull for one-sidedly both are equally not very useful interventions... By options I mean: "I want to take the hard road" and "no, thank you, I am not ready for that..." (the latter one will not necessarily be a very explicit one but you will know...)

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 09:58:41 am

Thanks Miklos. Where a client uses vivid metaphors, imagery, such as 'the hard road', I believe it is always valuable to explore what meaning, what feeling, that imagery holds for them...sometimes by exploring it literally or physically (e.g. using techniques from Gestalt).

Neill Hahn

1/12/2016 10:04:22 am

Ethical points are tricky for those of us who work with people. To "First do no harm" is impossible; it would mean "First do nothing", but even that can be harmful. The person who challenged you Nick, assumed a negative outcome, but the future is largely unpredictable in any case, so proceeding with care seems to be a more useful ethical approach to take. (Without care skills, it's ethical to not proceed.) Ethics tries to find the ideal in a non-ideal world, so it isn't a science but an art (requires Grace, as Marion said). I'm a visual thinker so my care management method is to imagine a see-saw with "challenge" on one end and "attend to" on the other. I stand in the middle, rocking that see-saw slowly back and forth according to how my client is coping. When the raised awareness (challenging) of the situation causes discomfort, I change questions to a "how does that sit with you?" style & explore that, until they feel more comfortable about it. Not always perfect, but it works.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 10:05:35 am

Thanks Neill. I love the humanity, realism and pragmatism in your approach.

Bill Yetman

1/12/2016 10:34:35 am

I do not think real change every occurs in a vacuum, and therefore "awareness"must be the first step. "Awareness" should equal "outcome", and "Skill set" should be about the steps towards the outcome. Therefor - the negative / positive aspect is the journey toward the outcome. Many of the sessions we deliver have an audience with a wide spectrum of experience / competency in a specific skill set, and awareness (if that is the word we are using in this post) is the foundational first step to keep all learners in the right perspective.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 10:37:04 am

Hi Bill. I agree with your comment that change never occurs in a vacuum. The more we are able to enable people to grow in awareness of what is, what the influences are, what the potential implications of change are, how to navigate them etc, the more we may be working ethically and effectively.

Susan D. Willsie

1/12/2016 02:01:16 pm

Very interesting article! I don't know that I can shed any light on the ethics question, but my thoughts went to mentorship. Isn't this just what we ask mentors to do? To help us see ourselves as we are, and overcome hurdles that we face or find a new path to follow. I think that at least in being aware, even if it is unsettling, there is potential for growth. And with a true mentor by your side, you can work through the uncomfortable new reality in a positive way.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 03:08:22 pm

Thanks Susan! Two words that stood out to me in your response are 'ask' and 'with'. If the person invites the mentor to do this rather than, say, the mentor intervening without invitation, it creates a different dynamic and, perhaps in most situations, a more ethical one. 'With' is important too so that the person is not left struggling alone with whatever implications may arise for them.

Jane Keep

1/12/2016 03:54:36 pm

Interesting conversation. We could say many of our societal ills would be different if we were not bystanders, or head in the sand, and we chose to be aware, and to speak up - but on the whole we dont, yet we can moan about the issues or 'tut' from the sidelines - when we all have a responsibility for life. Taken in a coaching context - the basis of the outset/contracting or the intention of the coaching (or facilitation if its a group) is what gives rise to the opportunity to raise awareness, raise questions, reframe issues, expose a 'blindside' to an issue etc. I always say before I take on new coachee/new work that Im like a weasel and have a strong antennae for spotting things that have thus far been unseen or denied/ignored - and if people aren't up for potential reawakening or deepening awareness then Im probably not the type of coach or facilitator for them...though there are times occasionally when I become aware of something but it doesn't feel timely or appropriate to delve.

Nick Wright

1/12/2016 03:55:24 pm

Hi Jane. Love the image of coach as weasel..! :)

Ken Gilbert

2/12/2016 10:05:55 am

Excellent Freire!!!

Nick Wright

2/12/2016 10:06:19 am

Darren Peters

2/12/2016 10:09:01 am

This is an interesting discussion thank you for this. Id like to share my experience if I may and I'm self aware enough to realise that our realities are subjective and we can experience reality in a Myriad of ways and what determines how we experience our reality is in fact awareness itself. However I would like to point out a distinction here, the difference to being aware and being self aware. Both (in my view) equally important for different reasons and they work on different levels of reality yet are intertwined. I apologise now if what I say appears too philosophical for some, I speak from a space of inner knowing that I'm aware some find hard to digest or receive, so I rarely share my thoughts on these things.

However, the last couple of years I have observed with those I work with and in my social life that lots more people are becoming aware and some are running aware from becoming more aware. Unfortunately, I'm afraid we have now opened Pandora's box as it were, and the more people who resonate with the energy of being aware, the harder it is for those to remain in ignorance - hence the current array of chaos in many areas of the world.

To answer your question Nick.....

I believe some of us are hear to facilitate the raising of awareness and we are discovering who we are now through the journey spirit is taking us all on personally. Science is important of course but it's been humanities ignorance to spirit why we are in this current mess....

The hope I see is the wonderful gifts people around me are discovering they have once they are able to let spirit in. We are living in a truly wonderful time for some and a horrendously awful time for others.....very paradoxical I know - but that's life !its the awareness of spirit that is making it truly wonderful for me. But like I said that's just my experience I'm just grateful im someone who values awareness rather than ignorance.

Nick Wright

2/12/2016 10:15:49 am

Hi Darren. Thanks for sharing such personal reflections. I see self-awareness as part of a wider awareness. This includes social awareness: 'what are we aware of?'. There are interesting challenges inherent in this. For instance, how far it is possible to perceive ourselves 'objectively' when we construe what we notice, what we don't, what sense we make of it etc. through subjective personal and cultural lenses and filters. Are you familiar with personal construct psychology and social constructionism?

Darren Peters

3/12/2016 03:11:09 pm

I am not aware of this Nick, but in response to subjective personal and cultural lenses I will say this in terms of social awareness as a black gay man.

From the age of 7 learning about black history in school and being told my cultures history only goes as far back to slavery was incredibly damaging to my consciousness to say the least.

Then as a teen realising I'm gay in a culture that is already disadvantaged and homophobic was another intense challenge.

I could have snapped, or got lost in drugs or the unfairness of my situation whilst being rejected by my community and seen as lesser than because of my skin colour.

I had to see this as a gift, dig deep and realise that neither my race nor sexuality defines who I am as we are so much more.

Now I carry an energy which is very magnetic because I've learnt to draw my strength from within and not seek approval or love from outside of myself. I could have only achieved that through seeking self awareness....and by deconstructing whatever persona or false self I tried to develop to fit in.

But will be good to look into for my clients so thanks.

Nick Wright

3/12/2016 03:13:59 pm

Hi Darren. Thanks for sharing so honestly from personal experience. Notions of race, sexual orientation, culture and self are all great examples of social constructs. You may find Kenneth Gergen's and Vivien Burr's work in the area of social constructionism interesting?

Donna Needs

3/12/2016 03:04:12 pm

Great conversation. I've had clients tell me that the biggest benefit they got from coaching is "being seen" or "witnessed." This doesn't always lead to happiness in the short term. It may be the catalyst to make a mess. But there is nothing more affirming than being truly seen, and I need to trust that the client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole.

Nick Wright

3/12/2016 03:05:23 pm

Thanks Donna. I think that resonates well with the girl's comment to me: ‘I didn’t see myself until you saw me.’

Michael Bowen

4/12/2016 11:50:17 am

My thought is that we are getting into destiny. Sometimes by simply making the presence into someone else's life their view is going to change. If so, who am I to try to stop it? What if they were destined to have their view shifted?

Nick Wright

4/12/2016 11:51:11 am

Hi Michael. That could open up an interesting philosophical debate. For instance...what if they were destined not to? ;)

Christine Milicich

5/12/2016 11:15:11 am

Interesting that this discussion is in itself raising awareness and attempting to deconstruct realities we hold. In doing this work my questions are always: Does it serve the purpose of the organisation, the team, the role? And is the purpose connected to the context and source?

Nick Wright

5/12/2016 11:21:26 am

Hi Christine. Interesting questions. In the spirit of deconstructing(!), we could consider, e.g. What is the purpose of the organisation? What lens are we viewing 'purpose' through? Who decides? Who is impacted by it, including 'outside' of the organisation? What ethical issues does this raise?

Lisa Wegener

6/12/2016 09:35:14 pm

I think the client is consciously taking this risk (a negative net impact) when he or she decides to take up coaching - provided that the coach clarifies these risks in a pre- or initial session (which he or she should do). I'm often struggling with this dilemma in my private relationships though. All in all, I personally agree with Simone de Beauvoir: "Clarity doesn't make you happy - but it aids in becoming happy and makes you braver".

Nick Wright

6/12/2016 09:36:00 pm

Thanks Lisa. I think you expressed that well, including the ethical dimension...and I agree.

Nonna Babitzin

6/12/2016 09:37:35 pm

Great thought provoking post Nick. Experienced professional coach partners with the client to explore what ever the client wants to explore. Seeing oneself is often part of the exploration and might be painful but with a great coach it should be enabling the client to go towards what they want. Coach does not have a agenda, only client has one and coach follows that agenda and targets set by the client. I quess the saying "be carefull what you wish for, since you might get it" is appropriate to be discussed when starting a coaching process. The client always has the choice of not reflecting, not answering or inviting a direction of discussion. It is the clients process, not the coaches. We do unfortunately still have consultants out there calling themselves coaches, who are telling clients what they should think or feel, or who are "putting the mirror" in front of a client because they themselves feel the client should do this or that. ICF is working hard to educate both clients and coaches. Thank you Nick for this post and everyone participating in this discussion.

Nick Wright

6/12/2016 09:42:15 pm

Many thanks for your encouraging feedback, Nonna. Yes, I often see coaches contract with clients around the client's preferred goals and outcomes. I rarely see coaches explore with clients first what issues and implications fresh awareness could raise for them, including in their personal, cultural and professional relationships. I think this is an important ethical area too as it enables the client, as far as it is possible, to choose (or not) to engage with the coaching experience with their proverbial eyes wide open.

Peter Price

7/12/2016 09:50:46 pm

My personal experience is that the more I know about myself the better I can be myself. I like the idea that the truth will set you free. Brutal honesty can fire a passionate reaction which can be a good thing, hurt feelings need not be a total negative. I remember being very hurt by the listening method of a psychiatrist and decided that he was too rude and so I got on with my life and didn't go back. Not the best method and yet the result was good. I guess that was negative coaching.

Nick Wright

7/12/2016 09:52:43 pm

Hi Peter. What a fascinating consequence to the psychiatrist's approach and your response to it!

Marianne Borg Hyökki, Sc D, MA.OMD, PCC, CMC

11/12/2016 10:23:53 am

Having a look in the mirror from time to time and seeing oneself is useful. This gives the opportunity to reflct on questions like How could others perceive me? Is this leading where I want? What could I change to create more of what I want in the world? Having a coach is looking into the mirror.

Nick Wright

11/12/2016 10:25:41 am

Hi Marianne. I think we can usefully hold a mirror to the client too, enabling them to see issues, influences and factors that lay outside of their normal field of focus or vision.

Ron Bayless

11/12/2016 06:46:13 pm

The primary purpose of training - if it's to be effective - is to first raise awareness and then to enable competence!

Nick Wright

11/12/2016 06:47:07 pm

Hi Ron. Yes, the two often go hand in hand.

Vikram Singh

11/12/2016 06:48:00 pm

"We have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul " -

Swami Vivekanand

Nick Wright

11/12/2016 06:49:14 pm

Hi Vikram. Whereas that may be true, we do nevertheless influence one-another and e.g. the choices we perceive as available to us.

Brady Reed

12/12/2016 01:49:56 pm

Perhaps seeing herself from the context of an outsider is precisely what she needed if she is attempting to be more effective in an 'outsiders' environment. Interesting article, Thank you.

Nick Wright

12/12/2016 01:55:00 pm

Thanks Brady. I think it was something of an experience of emerging into awareness as a person, distinct from her environment, activities, preoccupations etc.

Coetzer (Christian)

14/12/2016 09:11:18 am

Hi, to be a conscious living person you have to be in a constant state of awareness of yourself and every thing and every body around you to be able to grow into a mindful leader.

Nick Wright

14/12/2016 09:12:46 am

Hi Christian. Is it really possible or desirable to be in a constant state of awareness..?

Sarah Gasim

14/12/2016 11:00:05 am

It's a baby steps toward compelling goal !

Nick Wright

14/12/2016 11:01:24 am

Hi Sarah. I can be...and what if the compelling goal turns out to be completely beyond reach..? What ethical issues could that raise?

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