Are you an agent of hope - or of fear? It’s a stark choice. Faced with challenges that look and feel insurmountable, it’s easy to fall into fear. Some avoid fear by closing their eyes tightly, holding their breath, sticking their fingers in their ears and singing, ‘La la la’, hoping it will go away. Some try to avoid the situations, the relationships, the circumstances that evoke their fears. It sometimes works, but not often. Our fears have an annoying way of stalking and haunting us, tracking us down.
And so it is so often with those we lead, coach, train or facilitate in groups. What message do we model, communicate, inspire in others? I walked through fire last week. Well, on burning embers anyway. It was a charity fundraising event and I volunteered. In preparation beforehand, a trainer tested our fears in order to build resilience. We did all sorts of strange activities to overcome our inhibitions, culminating in breaking boards with bare hands and snapping an arrow end-on with my throat(!) Weird stuff. But it worked. The Firewalk was easy after that. It’s the same as exposure therapy: a gradual exposure to things we fear most in order to overcome our anxiety by facing them head-on and by doing them, not just thinking about them. Have you heard of P = P – I? Performance = Potential – Interference, based on Tim Gallwey’s Inner Game. Interference can be external or internal. Internal includes our fears of failure, of rejection, of humiliation, of getting it wrong. So I’m intrigued by how often e.g. God in the Bible says, ‘Don’t be afraid’. There’s a deep spiritual, existential dimension to this. Who or what do we place our trust in, our confidence in? What enables us to muster courage, to take a stance, in the face of our fears? There’s a psychological dimension to this too. How far do we take a breath, reveal our anxieties, take a risk, take courageous steps forward in the face of fear - to build the belief and hope in others that they can do the same?
40 Comments
Jeff Porterfield
13/3/2016 06:41:12 pm
i walked the path of inspirational leader when this occurred; https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/her-face-glowed-pure-joy-jeff-porterfield
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Nick Wright
13/3/2016 06:41:50 pm
Thanks for sharing such a moving and inspiring story of hope, Jeff. All the best. Nick
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Gwen
13/3/2016 10:31:27 pm
Hi Nick,
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Nick Wright
13/3/2016 11:11:31 pm
Hi Gwen. Thank you for such kind and heartwarming feedback. It sounds like your work, reminding people of their humanity, is a great example of being an agent of hope. What an incredible impact in people's lives. With many blessings and thank you again. Nick
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Pamina Mullins
14/3/2016 11:38:56 am
Congratulations on your fire-walking, Nick!
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Nick Wright
14/3/2016 11:51:30 am
Hi Pamina and thanks for sharing the link to your blog post. I particularly liked your opening paragraph: 'Life can be blissful, euphoric, fascinating and infinitely rewarding—or messy, unpredictable, confusing, and sometimes downright painful and terrifying. Your worst nightmares can erupt in the blink of an eye, making you feel as though you’ve been flattened by a ten ton truck.' Life can certainly feel like that sometimes!
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Leanne Wakeling
16/3/2016 08:57:13 am
As a person of faith, there is still a need to take action to overcome fear. Our subconscious mind is there to protect us so anything that is perceived as 'dangerous' ie a risk (everything from a new activity, to an oncoming car) will trigger a response, however MOST things do not meet the criteria of ACTUAL risk (to life and limb), unfortunately the subconscious mind has no ability to discern the difference. Therefore we have to use our conscious mind to take charge. A great tactic I have learned is acknowledge the warning voice of the subconscious (afterall it is there to keep you safe) and let it know 'thanks, I have it'. The next step is to address the meaning we have given to the racing heart beat when we approach something new or that we are not comfortable doing (like speaking to an audience). Instead of looking at it in terms of anxiety, we can look at it as excitement and channel the energy to serve us rather than limit us.
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Nick Wright
16/3/2016 09:07:05 am
Hi Leanne and thanks for sharing such helpful insights. Griffin and Tyrrell cover similar ground in their Human Givens book, 'How to Master Anxiety'. I agree that awareness and acknowledgement when our fear responses are being triggered can be more useful than, say, trying to deny or suppress them. It allows us to weigh up actual risk and make a courageous or considered response. I watched the Greenpeace documentary last night, 'How to Change the World' and found a similar spirit there, including 'Put your body where your mouth is'. It's about stepping into a situation, in Greenpeace's case physically, to create hope and influence change. All the best. Nick
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Pamela Weeden
16/3/2016 09:36:09 am
This was a really interesting post to read. The thing I've come to know about fear is it keeps us small; people who choose to avoid things they are afraid of miss out on a lot of life and great experiences. Some years ago when my children were very young - a baby and a young toddler -, I got stuck in terrible traffic on the motorway on a hot day. They both got very distressed in the back of the car and there wasn't anything I could do to help them; it triggered a real fear of being trapped which meant I started avoiding any situation which was unfamiliar, just in case I got stuck or hemmed in somehow. I came to realise how confined I'd become; I had to make a conscious choice to tackle it head on in the end and gradually get past it.
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Nick Wright
16/3/2016 09:49:34 am
Hi Pamela. Thanks for sharing such personal, honest and helpful insights. I agree with you that fear 'keeps us small'. We see this most vividly in phobias that lead to avoidance of people, things or situations that can trigger the fear. It means the person who is struggling with the fear lives in a smaller and smaller world. This is where exposure therapy - a gradual exposure to fear-inducing experiences with support - can make a very profound difference. I like your insights around shadow beliefs. It seems to me that, if we are able to suface such beliefs in ourselves and others, it creates the possibility for a different approach, stance and experience - and thereby engenders hope. All the best and thanks again. Nick
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Dr Eugene Fernandez
16/3/2016 10:13:11 pm
Thank's Nick, hope is an inner frame, it at times remains unarticulated, sitting within the deep well of the unconscious, helping us navigate the tempest, knowing within that all storms eventually subside steering us towards safe shores. Each in many ways needs to navigate their own journey for working with our fear also generates hope. AR's Emancipatory lens could encourage us to express/articulate our fears in the midst of the tempest, exposing our vulnerabilities and frailties, knowing that a deeper knowing connects our humanity, for this act of supplication sows the seed of hope.
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Nick Wright
16/3/2016 10:16:33 pm
Hi Eugene and thanks for posting such thought-provoking reflections. Working with our fears does carry the possibility of discovering, creating and releasing hope. Could you say something more about action research's 'emancipatory lens'? I haven't heard of it before and it sounds intriguing! All the best. Nick
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Peter Wiltshire
17/3/2016 11:03:05 am
Thank you for your feedback with this post Eugene, very helpful insights.
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Dr Eugene Fernandez
17/3/2016 01:26:44 pm
Cheers Peter.
George Boulden
21/3/2016 08:45:38 pm
Hi Eugene. It seems to me that both statements are true. In our experience the clients who see AL as a means of empowering their people and introducing a more participative style of management see it as something that gives them hope. More traditional managers who like to maintain a parent /child relationship with their people, fear it. Unfortunately there are still of the latter about!
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Dr Eugene Fernandez
21/3/2016 08:46:29 pm
Thank's George I agree with your point about empowerment and hope. From personal experience, I know that people value managers who both articulate and have faith in a positive future. Nick, AR has a fundamental link with emancipation, (though I tend not to use the word with many clients) along with others, it draws on the work of Haberman from the Frankfurt school of critical theory in particular around challenging established and illegitimate operations of power, in this guise it has an explicit agenda to challenge the taken for granted norms- so it is both political and educational. AR can also be technical and pragmatic, however, authors like Carr and Kemmis argue that the only true form of AR is emancipatory and I tend to agree.
Dr Billy Coop
23/3/2016 10:50:35 am
Hi Eugene, I agree that the only true form of AR (and Action Learning which is my personal passion) is emancipatory and this stems to a large part from the "involvement and engagement" process - which in itself brings hope through participation and recognition.
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Dr Eugene Fernandez
23/3/2016 10:51:44 am
Billy, like your links to personal passion and 'Hope's' connection to involvement and engagement. Nick thanks for the post which has generated interest and useful insights.
brian ernest wakeman
17/3/2016 01:26:15 pm
Action research can be a moral enquiry, a vision of what ought to happen to improve or develop situations. This phronesis and praxis includes a vision of hope and possibilities.
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Nick Wright
17/3/2016 01:28:31 pm
Many thanks, Brian. I find the idea of action research as a moral inquiry very inspiring and thought-provoking. Do you have any examples you've worked with and would be happy to share? All the best. Nick
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Alan Brown
18/3/2016 09:49:10 am
Our greatest fear is the opportunity to realize awareness and overcome with hope.
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Nick Wright
18/3/2016 09:49:53 am
Hi Alan and thanks for the note. It sounds very profound - but I don't understand it. Could you say a bit more? All the best. Nick
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Mike Duffy
18/3/2016 09:50:38 am
Anyone I consult with needs to see me as a beacon of hope. Or they can't change and be happier in their situations.
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Nick Wright
18/3/2016 10:09:31 am
Hi Mike and thanks for posting such a stimulating response. In my experience, it's true that clients often approach a coach or consultant because they are feeling stuck and, in that sense, look to the coach or consultant as an agent of change, of hope.
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Judy Krings, Ph.D.,PCC
21/3/2016 08:49:20 pm
Interesting, when I coach, I do not think about me as hopeful per se. I see my job bringing out the strength of optimism and hope in the client to help them get what they want. Fear and Love/self-compassion are on each side of a coin. Now that I ponder this, before each session, I plan for it and of course I am hopeful that the client with my help will get what they need and want from each session. Those hopes/dreams roll along to fruition as time marches forward along with them! Yes to other comments here. Harnessing hope/optimism may need to jump through fear/anxiety rings of fire, but that is often the best part of coaching, having them become more mindfully aware they ARE capable to get it done, no matter what their initial fear.
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Nick Wright
21/3/2016 08:57:42 pm
Hi Judy and thanks for your thoughtful comments. You reminded me of a conversation I had with someone last week who, in a coach training session, was very affirming of the client, as if they, as coach, approved of what the client had decided. I challenged this. There's something, for me, about believing in the client and yet enabling the client to reach their own insights, their own confidence in their decisions etc - rather than looking to me for that approval. I agree too that hope often emerges through overcoming adversity (e.g. jumping through rings of fire) - that experience of 'I did it' or, 'I survived it!' that can be very liberating and enables the person to take the next step with greater faith, confidence and trust. All the best. Nick
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Kirsten Nicholl
21/3/2016 09:05:35 pm
I agree with Mike Duffy - I think this is a given. And I also think that if we, as coaches aren't constantly expanding our comfort zones to face and deal with our fears on a certain level, then we aren't modelling the benefits of this to our clients (nor the possibility of achieving it) and our coaching is hollow and inauthentic and limited to "do as I say not as I do". How can they buy-in to that?
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Nick Wright
21/3/2016 09:08:33 pm
Hi Kirsten. Thanks for the note. Yes, I think we can model something very powerful for the client by being willing to take risks and stretch our own comfort zones, face and deal with our own fears etc. I wonder too, what the shadow side of the 'beacon' could be - see my response to Mike (above). Let me know what you think? All the best. Nick
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Razi Ghaemmagham Farahani
24/4/2016 11:01:09 am
"Are you an agent of hope - or of fear?" I wonder what is definition of"agent, fear and hope for you?" I would be pleased to know about it.
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Nick Wright
24/4/2016 11:01:48 am
Hi Razi and thanks for the note. I'm curious: what meanings and emotions do those words evoke for you? All the best. Nick
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Rosie Burrows PhD
29/4/2016 02:47:44 pm
Taking courageous steps forward irrespective of fear is the way, while at the same time being in environments that supports us to explore our inner contradictions without force or taking sides in our struggles, brings forth authentic and holistic growth. Too often, our environments, including therapists and other so called 'change agents' force agendas and interfere by taking sides in our struggles, holding us in what Heller (2012) calls an 'autonomy' structure that is misattuned to all of who we are. Shakespeare had it when he said 'to thine own self be true'. Less truly is more, or the Taoists note: 'too much poking when the fish is cooking, ruins the fish'.
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Nick Wright
29/4/2016 02:56:01 pm
Hi Rose and thanks for such a stimulating response. I think you raise a very important point about taking sides in struggles. It's easy for coaches, therapists etc inadvertently to collude with the client. It raises interesting ethical questions around authenticity and challenge too, especially as the client doesn't exist in a vacuum and there are often wider people, relationships and systems who are impacted by the client's stance and actions. I do like your Taoist expression. :) All the best. Nick
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Joanna Wilde PhD
2/5/2016 09:41:56 pm
Thx Nick- I don't see it as a choice but as a polarity-without fear there is no need for hope, without hope there is no way of engaging with fear. Too much of our current rhetoric-around things like resilience, victimhood and change operate from the denial of this whole dynamic and much positive thinking is also aimed subconsciously at its suppression; let's pretend there is nothing to fear except our own bad thoughts-forgive me-but twaddle. To illustrate think about the recent Hillsborough outcome and what that can teach us about fear and hope-telling those working for 27 yrs to set this right not to fearful would be patronising-the reality of fear is what animates courage and hence hope-so what we must honour is how they worked with their fear-they still carry the pain and have shared hope with the rest of us. Denying fear or making light of it or suggesting that someone is flawed when they feel it has really damaging consequences. For me hope comes from really feeling fear (and this is a really scary process) and understanding both what it teaches us and what it blinds us to.
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Nick Wright
2/5/2016 09:50:44 pm
Hi Joanna and thanks for sharing such stimulating insights. I can empathise with your 'twaddle' statement! Positive thinking can sometimes be good...but I don't believe it is enough to deal with, say, deep existential issues. I like your final statement: 'what it teaches and what it blinds us to.' The same could be said for hope. I've heard, for instance, that optimists (one way of thinking about hope) had a greater chance of dying in prisoner of war camps in World War 2 than pessimists. I don't know if that's true or even how we might know if it were true. However, I think the point it tries to make is that groundless optimism could lead to inaction ('It will all work out in the end') where realistic pessimism led to action ('We're never going to get out of here unless we find a way to escape!'). What do you think? All the best. Nick
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Lisa Ford
4/5/2016 07:44:00 pm
Jo, fear of threats in itself does nothing to remove the threat. I think that Nick is indicating not that fear should be suppressed or denied, but rather, acknowledged then consciously released.
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Nick Wright
4/5/2016 07:45:08 pm
Well said, Lisa. You expressed that well. All the best. Nick
Jane Keep
6/5/2016 09:17:21 am
I go for neither - when I connect deeply to myself, my innermost I have a solid foundation, and, from this I go forward with whatever is needed. Learning to be self observant, self aware, allowing my vulnerability and fragility I can be honest when things do feel uncomfortable, and take a moment to understand why - e.g. past hurt, protection, ideal or belief, and then enjoy the ever building confidence i have of getting to know and understand myself, accepting myself deeply and enjoying every day as a living inquiry - a 'forever student' of life. There are no right or wrongs, just a learning and an opportunity to give something a go.
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Nick Wright
6/5/2016 09:23:42 am
Thanks for the interesting challenge, Jane. I love the idea of 'forever student of life'. I'm curious about 'go for neither'. In your professional capacity, when people and organisations encounter you, your philosophy of life, does it engender hope for them? I'm also reflecting personally on ideas from social constructionism that challenge the notion of a 'self' and on ideas from Puett & Gross-Loh's new book, The Path (2016) that challenge the idea of 'finding' ourselves. Lots to think about! All the best. Nick
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Joe Cimbak
12/5/2016 08:08:05 pm
I'm not in the Hope business. We have strategy to accomplish and the only way that gets done is through people who execute. William Bridges said fear of change is combatted when we provide people information about the changes so that they can know how the future is going to be different than today. Once they know they can make an informed choice. I find my role is not providing hope but making sure the leaders and the environment are proper for providing the information to the people. That can look like coaching leaders on their role, designing the way information is communicated for maximum understanding, or coaching individuals who are troubled by the choice ahead. There is a rather narrow avenue of OD work where fear exists in people for some form of retribution from bully-leaders. In that case I suppose I offer some hope by being a silent mouthpiece to the right people as long as the command structure is willing to listen.
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Nick Wright
12/5/2016 08:13:18 pm
Hi Joe and thanks for such a stimulating response. I am curious about your initial statement. Is your sense that 'hope' us somehow disconnected from or contradictory to 'execution'? I think it's true that information or rationale is adequate for some people in times of change. I see hope as closely connected with vision, passion, engagement, sustainability etc, especially during tough times and experiences. What do you think? All the best. Nick
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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