NICK WRIGHT
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Human

20/7/2020

40 Comments

 

‘They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.’ (Maya Angelou)

It was a dire and inspiring experience, a hospital for children with severe disabilities in a desperately poor country under military occupation. Conditions were severe, the children were abandoned by their families and the staff were often afraid, suspecting the children were demon-possessed and, therefore, holding them disdainfully at arms’ length. A fellow volunteer, Ottmar Frank, took a starkly different stance. He was a humble follower of Jesus and I have rarely witnessed such compassion at work. I asked him what lay behind his quiet persistence and intense devotion. He said, ‘I want to love these children so much that, if one of them dies, they will know that at least one person will cry.’
​
Ottmar’s words and his astonishing way of being in the world still affect me deeply today; the profound impact of his presence, and how my own ‘professional’ support and care felt so cold by comparison. I remember the influence he had on others too – how, over time, some others started to emulate his prayer, patience, gentle touch and kindness – without Ottmar having said a word. It invites some important questions for leaders and people, culture and change professionals. If we are to be truly transformational in our work, how far do we role model authentic presence and humanity, seeing the value in every person and conveying through our every action and behaviour: ‘You matter’?
40 Comments
Ian Henderson
20/7/2020 04:27:54 pm

Authenticity rules OK!

Reply
Nick Wright
20/7/2020 04:36:27 pm

Hi Ian. You reminded me of this tongue-in-cheek piece by Adam Grant: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/05/opinion/sunday/unless-youre-oprah-be-yourself-is-terrible-advice.html

I also read this interesting piece by Larissa Summers in which she argues that authenticity is insufficient without purpose: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/authenticity-overrated-larisa-summers/

It's a tricky one. I guess Adolf Hitler was authentic and had a clear sense of purpose. This is where other qualities such as character and compassion are critical for me - and you model them beautifully!

Reply
Ian Henderson
20/7/2020 04:55:45 pm

"Just be yourself" said my manager. I'm not stupid, that's how I lost my job!!!!

Nick Wright
20/7/2020 05:17:24 pm

LOL, Ian. I saw this on Facebook recently:

"I had a job interview today and they asked me what I thought my biggest weakness was. I said 'honesty'. They said they didn't think honest was a weakness. I told them I didn't care what they thought. Think it went well."

Ian Henderson
20/7/2020 05:47:10 pm

I was once asked that question. I replied that it was my honesty, integrity, respect blah blah blah. I was surprised not to be offered the post, but thinking about it maybe saying blah blah blah wasn't the best answer!

Nick Wright
20/7/2020 05:48:21 pm

That could be a good example of an interview panel being influenced not so much by what you said but how you made them feel..? ;)

Louise Winter
20/7/2020 08:42:52 pm

Be authentic, be me. The way I am, with my characteristics and my nature. Be honest, even if it gives me trouble. Help, even if it doesn't fit my schedule. Listen, even if I still have to work. Show anger, but also forgive. Say no, but look for alternatives. I can't do all of this without God's help, strength and blessings.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/7/2020 10:16:39 am

Hi Louise. It sounds like authentic, for you, means to live according to your values - to be congruent, so to speak. I agree that these things can be difficult without God's help, especially as we may find ourselves tempted or pressured for all kinds of reasons to live less authentic lives.

Reply
Jacob Roig
21/7/2020 10:18:04 am

Nick, so true, feelings run deep from touch, m interactions, intentions and the energy we put out there! People know if we are in our heads or our hearts.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/7/2020 10:22:29 am

Thank you, Jacob. You reminded me of these words in The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” On the impact of touch, you may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/a-touching-place.html

Reply
Andrea DaSivla, M Ed., RCC
21/7/2020 10:50:15 am

Amen! What he did for one of the least of his brothers/sisters (including the little ones), he did for and glorified Christ.
Inspirational.

Personally, I pray to the Holy Spirit before sessions that He may use me as His instrument to deliver what the client needs to hear.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/7/2020 10:58:33 am

Thank you, Andrea. Yes, I too pray before, during and after client conversations and have often seen and experienced quite miraculous results. Some practitioners create quiet space before meeting with a client in order to focus and centre themselves - to be present to the client. In my experience, that is very useful and important too. On hearing and responding to the Spirit, you may find this short related piece resonates? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/listening-for-a-voice

Reply
Felicity O'Hanlon
22/7/2020 12:51:54 pm

So true Nick, we can make more of a difference sometimes by relating and empathising, acknowledging suffering or emotions. Depending on the situation, how much you care can be more important than how much you know.
Jesus seemed to be good at both; authoritative regarding scripture and prophesy but compassionate and caring when he came across true suffering or need, like when Lazarus died or stopping to pay attention to the bleeding woman or feeding the 5000 not just preaching to them.

Reply
Nick Wright
22/7/2020 10:31:25 pm

Thank you, Felicity. Yes, I like the description of Jesus in John's gospel as 'full of grace and truth'. I tend to zigzag inconsistently between the two. After a Myers-Briggs workshop, one of my colleagues once put a sticker on the back of my chair: 'I think, therefore I feel.' Very astute. It means I'm often stunned and amazed by people like Ottmar for whom love and compassion are so deep, so instinctive. Here's another example of someone remarkable whose life constantly challenges and inspires me in this way: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Reply
Felicity O'Hanlon
27/7/2020 12:07:22 pm

Hi Nick, Radical Heart was definitely an inspiring read. I did find myself wondering though how much cultural values influence how we approach anything in our lives e.g. our Christian walk, coaching practice, community, etc. My limited experience of people from Malaysia and Philippians is that they highly value service to others. A teacher friend from the UK living in Thailand says that cultural values are so different there e.g. a person there considers themselves successful and good person if they are fulfilling their role of looking after extended family and community, it is a source of shame if they are not. This is more important that accruing personal wealth and possessions which tend to be our indicators of success. Our Western society is based more on Greek philosophical thought, the importance of the individual and their rights being paramount. We do not always have the same strong kinship ties and responsibilities that we take pride in as a measure of our success. These are generalisations but I have experienced the same differences growing up in Southern Africa. African kinship patterns are very different, group identity, the tribe and family you belong to is more important than individual identity. If someone has more money or a better job they automatically look after the rest of the family and parents, even if they are living overseas, they send money home, that is a measure of their success as a person.
I do not doubt the young woman was a committed Christian but wonder what role culture also played in how she lived out her beliefs? I also am curious how you found a common ground i.e. how did coaching and psychology (Western, individualistic) serve her in her particular cultural context? Were you able to find a common meeting ground?

Reply
Nick Wright
28/7/2020 01:11:23 pm

Hi Felicity. Yes indeed. Culture certainly plays are significant part in outlook and approach in life, work and relationships. Interestingly, however, Jasmin (in 'A Radical Heart') is often perceived and experienced as profoundly counter-cultural in her own environment. So in the Philippines, for instance, there are various common cultural phenomena that Jasmin starkly contradicts (see, e.g.: https://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/301832/toxic-filipino-traits#:~:text=Filipinos%20tend%20to%20possess%20this,time%20gossiping%20and%20back%2Dbiting). Her stance is rooted deeply in her Christian faith as a follower of Jesus. Finding common ground is an on-going process - and not always easy. Here are a few short examples of my learning to reach across cultures in the psychology and coaching arenas:

*http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/cross-cultural-coaching
*http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/crossing-cultures
*http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spotlight

Reply
Clau Garciah
5/8/2020 01:15:10 pm

I see a lot of people talking about leadership, and the techniques to become a great leader, and the books, and authors, and so on... but this story you wrote Nick, is a different kind of leadership, the kind that does not come from the books, but from the heart, and this is what really connects me. Thank you very much for sharing this amazing example of a big heart.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 01:18:16 pm

Thank you, Clau. Yes, the impact of Ottmar's presence is very different to the impact of applied leadership competencies and techniques. On that theme, you may find the role model in this short related piece resonates too? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence

Reply
Jens van der Heide
5/8/2020 01:19:13 pm

In our daily life and work the first sentence is so true.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 01:21:14 pm

Hi Jens. Yes, I have often found it to be true in my own experience. Here is a case example of a woman in the Philippines who models it beautifully: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Reply
Dr Eugene Fernandez
5/8/2020 01:30:25 pm

Thanks, Nick for the inspiring story about Ottmar and his living example of compassion and deep connection.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 01:31:15 pm

Thank you, Eugene. You’re welcome. 😃

Reply
Enrique Aponte Jr. - CPC
5/8/2020 01:36:20 pm

Awesome! Thank you Nick. Perfect timing as I came across this during my quiet time this morning. I shall internalize it and keep it ready for application.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 01:37:06 pm

Hi Enrique, and thank you for such warm and encouraging feedback!

Reply
John Theoharis
5/8/2020 02:07:22 pm

Ottmar led like Jesus - actively, by example. Today, many "leaders" are so focused on trying to be the perfect "text-book leader" that they are actually failing to lead. Highly effective leaders draw from all styles of leadership; then, they actively apply the appropriate action to the relevant contexts. You can read all the leadership books you want; if you cannot connect with others on a human level, you'll never be an effective leader. Ottmar connected with others first. And from that position of influence, others were moved to do the same. That is leadership at its highest level.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 02:09:48 pm

Hi John. Well said. Here are a couple of related pieces that resonate well with what you describe here:

http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html
http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence

Reply
John Theoharis
5/8/2020 02:37:56 pm

Thank you! I look forward to these reads.

Nick Wright
5/8/2020 02:38:58 pm

Hi John. You're welcome. I would be very interested to hear what they evoke for you.

Julie Genney
5/8/2020 02:50:48 pm

Yep spot on...love it 😍

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 02:51:47 pm

Thank you, Julie! 😃

Reply
Kate Lambley
5/8/2020 04:57:59 pm

Beautiful post and that quote by Maya Angelou is one of my favourites. Yes, indeed, humanity is about connecting on a deep level to let people know they are loved and valued. I really needed to read this today Nick. Thank you for sharing.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 09:35:26 pm

Thank you for your warm affirmation, Kate. I'm pleased it was timely for you today.

Reply
Karyn Stowers
5/8/2020 09:33:28 pm

This is awesome. To love like Jesus is the call on every Christian’s heart. How important it is to a hurting world right now. No matter what our circumstances we can be examples of true LOVE to one another through our willingness to demonstrate how much we care for our fellow humans. We are his hands and feet and a light in the darkness no matter where we are.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/8/2020 09:38:32 pm

Thank you for your great encouragement, Karyn. Yes, indeed. Yet how rarely we hear the language of love used in leadership literature. One of the most deeply impactful examples I have seen and experienced of love and leadership is written up here: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Reply
Shanda Gobeli
6/8/2020 05:33:12 pm

Emotion is powerful! Thank you for your insight. Would love to hear more.

Reply
Nick Wright
6/8/2020 05:35:52 pm

Thank you, Shanda. Here are a couple of other pieces that may connect with you? They have certainly impacted me profoundly:

http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html
http://www.nick-wright.com/candles.html

Reply
Hersh Minnis
8/8/2020 12:34:42 pm

This is so true!

Reply
Nick Wright
8/8/2020 12:35:28 pm

Thank you, Hersh. Indeed!

Reply
Ian Henderson
13/8/2020 10:53:47 am

Wise words Nick and a reminder of the power of Maya Angelou's words.

Reply
Nick Wright
13/8/2020 10:55:17 am

Thanks Ian. Yes, I first heard them from my line-leader, Ruth Fraser, at Tearfund, who modelled this insight beautifully.

Reply



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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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