I see you

11/6/2016

‘Sawubona.’ I was at a change leadership event in Canada with colleagues from around the world. It was the first time I had heard this Zulu greeting. ‘Sawubona’. I was curious so asked my South African colleague to explain it. ‘It means: I see you.’ I was immediately struck by his emphasis on see. He explained it further. ‘It means I honour your presence. It’s as if I am calling you into my focus, into existence, against the background of everything else that lays around you. I really see you.’ He said this simple word with such warmth and sincerity that I felt genuinely moved by it.

There are resonances for me in the dynamic of this greeting with Gestalt psychology. Gestalt uses its own language of ‘figure’ and ‘ground’, where figure is that which holds our attention at any given moment in time and ground is the background which, in that same moment, lays largely out of awareness. In other words, figure is what we are noticing and ground is what we are not-noticing. How often when we meet and work with people, our attention is drawn away from the person so that what we notice instead is the issue, the story, the task, whatever it is we are there to do.

In my experience, most transformational work in leadership, coaching, group work etc. occurs when we learn to shift our focus, our attention, to the person, the relationship, to what is happening here-and-now. In this context, Gestalt poses a great question: ‘What is the quality of contact between us?’ where contact signifies presence and attention, as if almost literally touching one-another. Picture a meeting where the leader or coach enables team members to learn do this well. ‘What is holding our attention?’, ‘What are we not noticing?’, ‘What is the quality of contact between us?’

Sawubona, my friend. Notice what you are noticing - and not noticing. Never lose sight of the person.

79 Comments

Gwen Griffith

11/6/2016 09:46:30 pm

Great insight and application, Nick.

To go further-- do you "expect" an experience of "being seen" (at work, in a team, at church, at home)? As the leader/initiator
/driver, do you set your meeting priorities with a greeting- being seen-- and an exit of gratitude- like ritual?

Gwen

Nick Wright

11/6/2016 09:52:22 pm

Thanks Gwen. I do quite a lot of team coaching with leadership teams. I encourage them to 'check in' with each other - as people - at the start as a way of establishing contact and then to practice staying in contact throughout a meeting. It's not easy when the default tends to be on the agenda, task items etc. Having said that, people usually report afterwards that the one thing that has had the greatest positive impact on how inspiring and effective the team has become has been this simple-yet-not-easy focus on each other as people. Does that reflect anything of your experience too? All the best. Nick

11/6/2016 10:01:57 pm

That 's it.

How much do you want/expect from a meeting (that is not inspiring)

How much better- we are meeting to hear from Amy for 15 minutes because she has an amazing solution to _______, Josh on his idea for ____, a brief historical review fro me and to have an open time for talking.

It's about the people and their gifts.

11/6/2016 10:05:49 pm

Hi Gwen. I love they way you personalise the meeting like that. :) Very human and inspiring. At Action on Hearing Loss, a charity I work with, we encourage people to create a '1-page profile' that they share with others. It has their photograph along with personal things, e.g. what they enjoy, what people say about them, what helps them to work at their best etc. It's a great way of keeping the focus on people as people. All the best. Nick

11/6/2016 10:25:59 pm

Nick-
I am so grateful for you and your voice and viewpoint!! You ground my thinking.

Yes- focus on the person. I taught high school and college this way too and rarely had discipline problems because the class became cooperative learning. Even the sharp kids- I paired the known strength of one with a weakness in another.

It transfers to church meetings, YMCA meetings, and because I see how you think- it can work in a corporate setting.

Summer blessings!

12/6/2016 12:11:36 pm

Thanks Gwen. I'm grateful for your voice and viewpoint too. For me, there are clear resonances between 'Sawubona' and 'El Roi - the God who sees me' in the Bible. It's as if God is aware of me, really sees me, against the backdrop of all of creation and humanity. Incredible really. I mean, like, amazingly incredible. Summer blessings to you too! Pouring with rain here today. :) All the best. Nick

Alubba Fenix

12/6/2016 12:35:24 pm

Love this greeting!

12/6/2016 12:36:02 pm

Me too, Alex! :) All the best. Nick

Sara Pearson MSc

12/6/2016 02:46:24 pm

Fab post Nick. Your concept of noticing and not noticing brought me back to a safari holiday in Africa. One particular morning during a game drive, our guide suddenly stopped the car, turned the engine off and glanced over into the distance. I looked around but all I could see was open land. After a minute or so he started the engine and turned direction and headed towards a clump of trees around 500 yards away. He drove up to a large tree in the middle of the clump and stopped the engine, and said to us what do you see? In all honesty all I could see was a very large tree in the middle of the bush. Our guide then asked us to look more closely at a thick branch deep in the middle of the tree. There to my amazement was a leopard lying on the branch staring right at us! This experience got me thinking and I concluded that: 1. Our guide was extremely mindful of his surroundings and what was going on. He had noticed activity in the far distance suggestive of predator activity and his acute awareness and actions enabled us to have what I believe was a very privileged experience. 2. I had been the culprit of not noticing! I was only looking surface deep and because of this didn’t notice what was lying deep within the tree. By not noticing my surroundings I was potentially missing some incredible opportunities. Also in different circumstances I could potentially have put myself at risk. 3. I was also failing to capitalise on the opportunity and capacity to further strengthen my skills in observation and attention. I believe this lesson not only helped me on a personal level, it made me a better person professionally and in my capacity as a leader and OD consultant.

12/6/2016 03:01:28 pm

Hi Sara and many thanks for sharing such a great and vivid personal example of noticing and not-noticing! I love the conclusions you drew from the experience too. It's something about pausing from time to time and asking ourselves, 'What am I aware of?' or 'What is preoccupying me at the moment?' or 'What am I not noticing?' These kind of questions can be powerful in OD too: e.g. 'What are we noticing or not noticing?', 'What assumptions are we making?', 'Why does this course of action seem so obvious, like common sense to us?', 'What are we avoiding?' All the best. Nick

Monty Padmanagara

12/6/2016 02:48:04 pm

Be human? See you / everybody as a human being.

12/6/2016 02:54:42 pm

Hi Monty. Good advice! It think it taps into deeper questions about what we believe about ourselves and about other human beings too. In other words, into our values. You have reminded me of Mike Wilson, an amazing leader I had the privilege of working with for a while. In contrast to many other leaders in that organisation who would tend to walk straight past 'ordinary' people, Mike would walk through the office and pause to greet every person warmly on to the way to his own desk. He was an extraordinary man whose attitude and behaviour inspired high levels of loyalty and commitment for those around him. I try to remember his example in my own encounters with people. Even in coaching, it's so easy to get distracted by the task, the story, so many other preoccupations. Does that resonate with your experience too? All the best. Nick

Claire Montgomery

12/6/2016 09:59:44 pm

I love this..💖

12/6/2016 10:00:19 pm

Thanks Claire. :) All the best. Nick

Lakshmidevi Vasudevan

13/6/2016 10:44:34 am

Thanks Nick for this post like all other posts. :-)

Few things to share...

1) I have always felt that meeting someone brings so much at a heart level. However many a times the connect is at head level. Sometimes I feel a Front end role in an Organisation need to see this "Presence" more. Definitely as a human, we all have to!
2) "The God who sees me" is really interesting. Many moments there appears someone from nowhere and have done things for us. Its either stopping a cab from shouting at their top of voice where I couldn't do or even helping me connect with someone from nowhere in the picture. I am sure that everyone of us can relate this. :-)
3) From Sara's point of view, I remembered that sometimes in thinking about something how I miss out on "seeing" people around me .

Regards,
Lakshmi

Birgitta Wickman Larsson

13/6/2016 09:14:31 am

It is wonderful to learn new things every day.
Be mindfull - let go of "mind full" and you will be here and now.
Sawubona!

13/6/2016 09:15:37 am

Thanks Birgitta - and Sawubona too! All the best. Nick

Tuncel Gulsoy

13/6/2016 07:23:42 pm

This article is beautiful.

13/6/2016 07:24:26 pm

Thank you for such heart-warming feedback,Tuncel. All the best. Nick

Frankie Doiron, PCC, BCC

13/6/2016 07:25:29 pm

Wonderful post, thanks for sharing with us!

13/6/2016 07:26:16 pm

Many thanks Frankie. You're very welcome! All the best. Nick

Dineen Carta

13/6/2016 07:29:02 pm

Nick, you are profoundly connected to Presence and the essence of Sawubona. It is apparent in everything you write. Sawubona reminds me also of the greeting in yoga of "namaste"- "the light in me honors the light in you". We can't share light or namaste without really "seeing" (sawubona). Neither of these can be done without Presence. The quality of our connection depends on our knowing that the ultimate reality of life is Love, Unity, Oneness, and Connection itself. Your posts bring positive connection and reflection. I thank you for this. Thank you for sharing your depth of being.

13/6/2016 07:35:53 pm

Hi Dineen and many thanks for such warm feedback and profound insights. I love that idea of the namaste greeting, 'the light in me honours the light in you'. At the heart of my own presence is a deep awareness of the Presence. There is a wonderful moment in the Bible when a desperate, abandoned slave girl discovers this Presence for herself: 'You are the God who sees me.' That's the source of my own hope, presence and inspiration. Thank you for sharing from the depth of your being too. All the best. Nick

Peter Davies

13/6/2016 07:38:04 pm

On a management development programme I used to facilitate I urged delegates to truly understand the 'scale' of each other's stretch. For some it was a huge shift and for some a first tiny step. What was important was that we celebrated equally. Knowing the individual is all important.

13/6/2016 07:39:13 pm

Thanks Peter. I'm intrigued - can you say a bit more about what 'to truly understand the scale of each other's stretch' means? All the best. Nick

14/6/2016 10:50:34 am

Hi Nick, Happy to expand. Each person came and created a set of learning goals and then worked with a group on a live task where they could work on their development areas. For those confident people they may be able to make a huge leap during their 3 days together, but for others they wouldn't get anywhere for 2 and a half days and then make some kind of small move that, to them, felt equally large. I worked with everyone in the group to ensure these small shifts were noticed and celebrated accordingly. This is what I think 'really seeing people' is about.

14/6/2016 10:50:59 am

Thanks Peter. Yes, it sounds like the approach you use sees and values each individual for who they are and where they are at. It reminds me of the 'personalisation' ethos - and aspiration - in some areas of the UK health and social care sector. All the best. Nick

Louise Hamelin Yavo

14/6/2016 10:38:38 am

I have lived and worked in several countries in Africa. In addition to your very eloquent comparison to Gestalt, I feel that Sawubona speaks to the cultural value of coherence and presence that we see less and less of in North America. We are distracted, overwhelmed and thinking about other things as we navigate through our interactions. Sawubona is about coherence, a powerful tool for engaging employees and unlocking their potential.

14/6/2016 10:41:54 am

Hi Louise. It sounds like you have lots of experiences and insights to share! I once did some work in Uganda and found a similar spirit of together-ness there that stood in stark contrast to what I often experience in the UK. You may be interested in this short piece: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence Let me know if that carries any resonance with the sense of presence you alluded to here? All the best. Nick

Dave Smith

14/6/2016 06:50:45 pm

I glibly would summarise this as: "as a trainer, do not lose sight of the trainee" - focus should be on their learning, not on your delivery.

You may not have a choice about what you deliver, but the WAY in which it's delivered should be completely under your control. Be stimulating, challenging, engaging - whatever they learn will bed in. Be boring, monotonic, rely too much on videos or slides, energizers to break up your mundane delivery... and you won't just fade into obscurity but you'll have failed the student: you've let THEM DOWN.

14/6/2016 06:54:30 pm

Thanks David. When I'm training, I try to focus on the quality of contact between the participants me and between participants. If we find a way to really see and relate to each other as people, it releases some of the pressure on the trainer. Instead of trying to do everything I can to ensure the group learns (as if it's all on me), I open conversation with the group about, say, 'What are we here to do?', 'What would make this worthwhile?', 'How shall we do this?', 'What responsibility are you willing to take for your own and one-anothers' learning?' and then reinforce any agreements around this as the training progresses. What do you think? All the best. Nick

Denise Valk Faisst

14/6/2016 07:05:20 pm

This is what it means for me to be mindful in my work and daily life. Thanks for sharing.

14/6/2016 07:06:09 pm

Hi Denise and thank you. :) All the best. Nick

Melissa Pollock

14/6/2016 09:55:24 pm

Love this Nick...much similarity to the 'intentionality' I talk about in connecting with people. While I think connecting represents one of the greatest leadership competency sets, the ability to connect with people, and to perceive them in general, seems largely a lost art given constant competing stimuli.

14/6/2016 09:59:01 pm

Many thanks, Melissa. My impression is that we have been so preoccupied with things like competency frameworks and 'measurables' that we've lost sight of deeper beliefs, values, qualities and dynamics that influence profoundly how such things are experienced and the impact they have. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick

Keith Amoss PhD FCIPD

15/6/2016 08:57:19 am

Great article !

15/6/2016 08:57:59 am

Thanks Keith! :) All the best. Nick

Caryopha None

15/6/2016 09:42:13 pm

There are interesting part in work with multi cultural people in organisation too many think in behavior and personal thinking are diferent the atheis people and spritualist working together with motivation and best effort to achieve same goal...the relationship value such as honesty and integrity are valuable too make people working together in harmony without thinking the background each other.

15/6/2016 09:46:09 pm

Hi Caryopha and thank you for your comments. I think you are saying that we should see a person for who they are, rather than stereopyping them? Have I understood you correctly? Best wishes. Nick

Celia Aiveca

16/6/2016 09:29:11 am

We should learn with south african people they are very warm and love to give big hugs! of course we are not use of that, but its is culture and to break the ice on a formal learning, the hugs, smiling and eye contact its really a good way of communication!

16/6/2016 09:31:44 am

Thanks Celia. I love hugs! :) It's amazing how physical contact can create such great relational contact. You may be interested in this related blog: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence Let me know if that resonates for you too? All the best. Nick

Mike Barnett

16/6/2016 09:41:55 am

Dr Robert Holden uses the broader sense of "Ubuntu", to signify mutual respect, a mutual acknowledgement of existence and value. He does a good hand-holding thing too, when talking about it. Powerful messages.

16/6/2016 09:43:26 am

Thanks Mike. Ubuntu sounds like a profoundly life-giving greeting too. I love your comment about the 'hand-holding thing'. Say more?! All the best. Nick

Jane Keep

16/6/2016 09:44:07 am

Its a broader issue - how connected are we to ourselves? what kind of relationships do we have with ourselves? do we see and appreciate all that we are? (without judgement or criticism?) by the same token how much do we truly look into anothers eyes as we go about our daily business - or do we avoid looking into their eyes, avoid contact (as we are looking at our phones etc) - on sitting on the tubes in London or on the trains elsewhere people so often are not engaging with one another. ALso as this conversation begins to address when we see others we can have 'images' or ideals and beliefs that get in the way of simply seeing them as another person no matter what their back ground/culture etc. Deep down we all love people - but, in the busyness of life, and the many images and ideals/beliefs we have lost that.

16/6/2016 09:50:13 am

Hi Jane. What you describe here resonates well with the notion of 'contact' in Gestalt - contact with ourselves, others, our environment, God etc. It's one reason why Gestalt focuses on raising awareness or, in other words, contact in the here-and-how. As you say, all kinds of things (beliefs, ideals etc) influence how we see ourselves and each other. You may find this related piece interesting: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/a-touching-place All the best. Nick

Daryl Williams

16/6/2016 10:07:40 am

Sanibonani everyone - that is the plural form of Sawubona - greeting you all, seeing you all. I am from KwaZulu Natal, the traditional homeland of the Zulu people. Nick, thank you for pausing to reflect on something so simple and powerful as how we greet each other. In the fast pace of the workplace, it is too often that "look at" people, without actually seeing them. A great pause in my day, thank you. And Jane - that is a powerful question - do we really see and appreciate all that we are without judgment or criticism? Thank you.

16/6/2016 10:09:17 am

Thanks Daryl - that's another new word for me! :) Yes, looking at without seeing sums this up so well. It's about learning to see, perhaps to see for the first time through fresh eyes. All the best. Nick

Daniela Terrile

17/6/2016 11:08:47 am

How far do you sense and feel the person in front of you ? I would say. That's inspiring.

17/6/2016 11:10:25 am

Thanks Daniela. You reminded me of this short piece: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/a-touching-place All the best. Nick

Ives TAY BBA MSc(Merit) MSocSci Assoc.CIPD

18/6/2016 12:34:30 pm

This is a great way to look at establishing relationships and not only during training but working with others on a daily basis.

18/6/2016 12:35:04 pm

Thanks Ives. I agree! All the best. Nick

Noha Kamel

18/6/2016 12:35:54 pm

This is great Nick. As a facilitator, I do just that and also send loving energy to my participants even before I see them on the first day of the workshop. You put it into such a deep perspective Nick that emphasizes its importance so much. I will definitely concentrate more for a stronger bond. Thank you, I really appreciate your post and "see" your point of view.

18/6/2016 12:39:14 pm

Hi Noha and many thanks for your warm feedback. You reminded me of an experience I had that I tried to capture and express in this short piece: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-power-of-presence Let me know if that resonates with you too? All the best. Nick

Rebekah Bryant

18/6/2016 12:40:37 pm

Beautifully expressed.

18/6/2016 12:41:27 pm

Thank you, Rebekah! :) All the best. Nick

Vikas Chhibber

19/6/2016 03:49:46 pm

Sawubona.

19/6/2016 03:50:28 pm

Thank you, Vikas. All the best. Nick

19/6/2016 03:51:37 pm

Nick - I think your open-ended questions are encouraging people to open up and talk about themselves/their opinions/feelings etc but the more you listen the more you build trust (accumulate interest in their "trust bank", I believe the term is).

Simple things like this can quickly establish a strong communications channel and create a positive learning environment. I've noticed that people ignored/overlooked quickly become disengaged and shut down from any further training.

Good stuff!

19/6/2016 03:54:19 pm

Hi Dave and thanks for the note. Yes, I feel privileged and encouraged by people's responses to these questions. I learn a lot through it and hope that others do too. I agree with you about the importance of listening and trust. In order to establish this as well as I can online, I try to post insights and ideas with an invitational tone and, where I can, respond to everyone's contributions. I hope this communicates some sense of 'Sawubona'. All the best. Nick

Laura Lingle

19/6/2016 03:55:46 pm

I firmly believe that what happens in the classroom stays in the classroom - that people are free to use whatever stories, examples, questions, etc. I explain this and ask that everyone do the same so that everyone can talk freely. Of course, that relies on the one essential guideline - do what you need to do to learn as long as it does not infringe on anybody else's learning and right to do same.

19/6/2016 03:57:13 pm

Hi Laura and thanks for the note. In the spirit of 'Sawubona', is that something about showing mutual respect in the classroom? All the best. Nick

Lion JITENDRA Bhatt

20/6/2016 05:17:29 pm

VERY TRUE ,IF ANY TRAINEE FEELS THAT HE IS BEING IGNORED HE IS DISCOURAGED & WILL NOT ATTEND THE TRAINING AT ALL ,IF AT ALL HE ATTENDS HE OR SHE MAY NOT BE FULLY ATTENTIVE.

20/6/2016 05:18:51 pm

Thanks Lion. I think what you are saying emphasises that a trainer must be present to the people in the group, to really see and engage with them, rather than simply present material at them! All the best. Nick

Funmi Johnson

21/6/2016 07:49:41 pm

Thanks for sharing this Nick, it's very interesting. It seems very similar to when we are in flow- when one's attention is fixed firmly on the task/interaction at hand.

21/6/2016 07:51:11 pm

You're very welcome, Funmi. Yes, it's something about presence, attention, respect which leads to 'flow' in the relationship and conversation? All the best. Nick

Francisca Afenyo

21/6/2016 07:56:07 pm

I don't have much experience as far as leadership is concerned. But I think the value for each other and teamwork is very important in group training.

21/6/2016 07:58:42 pm

Thanks Francisca. Yes, I believe that 'I see you' affirms our belief in the value of the other person(s) - and that makes such a difference. It underlines the importance of connecting as people as an important dimension of learning in groups, not simply grappling with ideas and skills. All the best. Nick

Paul Dolson

21/6/2016 08:00:01 pm

I try to make it personal for everyone that wants to engage. My pet peeve is when you shake hands with someone and they don't look at you.

21/6/2016 08:01:50 pm

Hi Paul and thanks for such an honest response! It sounds like how you feel in those situations may be connected to what meaning you infer from the not-looking..? All the best. Nick

Emanuela Rossi

21/6/2016 08:25:43 pm

Love it. Thanks. Very often in corporate training we forget about 'Sawubona'.

21/6/2016 08:30:50 pm

Thanks, Emanuela! :) Over the years, I've learned to focus more on 'presence' than content or technique when working with groups. This is an outworking of my Christian values and, I have noticed, also often has a profound impact on what happens in the group. This is where I find the Gestalt notion of 'contact' very helpful. If I approach the workshops with a question in mind along the lines of, 'How can I be in contact, in the moment, with myself, the client, the group, the material, God...', it helps me to stay present and focused. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick

Rosa Restaino

26/6/2016 09:51:51 pm

Muchas gracias, es muy conmovedor cuando alguien te dice que esa honrado con tu presencia, de modo que establece una infalible conexión, muy útil.

26/6/2016 09:53:59 pm

Gracias por su regeneración buena, Rosa. Los mejores deseos. Nick

Christa-Madhu Einsiedler (form. Kiefer)

27/6/2016 11:07:02 am

Thank you Nick for this article! I couldn't agree more. I like to add: Gestalt also says: "What is, is allowed to be. And what is allowed to be is allowed to change."
In my experience what often hinders us to 'see' the other person, to connect fully are judgments we hold, about ourselves and thus about the other. What I don't allow to be within me, I won't allow to be in the other person. This limits my 'seeing'.
I think our foremost goal as coaches is to widen and open the space as much as possible, to allow the full diversity and life of our clients to be. In such a space clients can experience themselves in their richness and wholeness, and in acceptance of their wholeness. This experience itself is healing.

27/6/2016 11:07:47 am

Thanks, Christa-Madhu. You expressed that beautifully. :) All the best. Nick

Paulo Ricardo Godoy dos Santos

29/6/2016 08:46:47 am

Great lesson, Nick ... Thanks (Muito grato).

29/6/2016 08:48:17 am

Thanks Paulo. Você é bem vindo! All the best. Nick

Cees Van Elst

30/6/2016 09:23:23 am

Thanks. Sawubona. In coaching is this the most important issue for the result. Real contact in which you are aware of what you (not) notice, without judgement.

30/6/2016 09:24:37 am

Hi Cees and thanks for the note. Just to check: do you mean that 'I see you' is the most important issue..? All the best. Nick

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