Influences

3/3/2021

Running for the school bus every morning felt like hard work. I don’t know why I didn’t just get up a bit earlier but, hey, I was a teenager. I remember vividly having my attention caught by a programme on TV featuring Timothy Gallwey and his revolutionary idea of The Inner Game. I think it served as an introduction for me to the world of psychological insight. I practised his idea, focusing away from the activity itself onto something else as a distraction, and the running became smoother, easier.

Some years later, the UK’s Guardian Newspaper ran an advertisement on TV, Point of View, that challenged perspective and interpretation. It invited viewers to re-think their own ways of making meaning of events, including the implicit risks of assumptions and prejudice. I found the ad’s message simple yet profound. It was at a time when the need to question everything was already pulsating through my own mind, within a prevailing culture that seemed to question far too little.

Later still, I saw a psychology experiment on TV, The Invisible Gorilla, by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons, designed to test selective attention. The narrator invited viewers to try the test for themselves by watching a short video clip with specific instructions to follow. She also suggested that viewers record it so that they could play it back afterwards. I dutifully followed the instructions and was so completely astonished by the results that I did play it back to check if I’d been tricked.

Such influences, among others which now included my Christian faith, drew me into the professional fields of psychological coaching, training and organisation development (OD). I continue to be curious, intrigued and amazed by the dazzling weirdness, complexity and potential of people, teams, groups and organisations, and by different cultures. I hope and pray I will never lose that sense of wonder. Who or what have been the earliest or greatest influences on your life and career?

30 Comments

Sharon King

4/3/2021 09:19:32 am

Great article to illustrate who and what influences our lives and careers. Thank you Nick

Nick Wright

4/3/2021 09:46:31 am

Thanks Sharon. I know you’re a great career coach. Would you be willing to share something of who of what has influenced your own career choices?

4/3/2021 11:35:04 am

Hi Nick, thank you for the compliment. My own career choices have been influenced and has been informed by getting to know my values in my life. These have in turn, pushed me towards trying on new ways of working and exploring. In addition, realising life is not a dress rehearsal has helped to spur me on with the choices and career paths I have taken.

4/3/2021 11:41:01 am

Thanks Sharon. Yes, growing in awareness of our values and/or choosing which values to live by can be a significant influence on career choice. Values are implicit in every decision we take. I was asked recently what my own values are, specifically in relation to my work. I responded: influence, independence, make a difference, develop others and disrupt...and not in any particular order! What values have guided your career journey? I really like your expression: 'life is not a dress rehearsal.' That points to values too.

Tara Parker link

4/3/2021 05:47:30 pm

Nick,

I so enjoy your work. There is something about your writing style that has can turn on my thinking and get my writing juices flowing.

Having said that, as an adult, your work has been influential in my career and momentum, which is also to say it has inspired my energy to write.

In reflecting on the person I am today, how I think and manage myself I can look back on my youth and recognize the influences. These influences were often fictional characters from sitcoms such as M*A*S*H and Golden Girls. I continue to be fans of these shows today as can see the parts of these characters in myself and proudly.

Though I have some "real life" individuals that have influenced me I tend to be intrigued by the fictional ones. These characters were often true to themselves, accepting of others, and were able to adapt, adjust, and cope without compromising their values. This is not to say I always agreed with their values but I learned to respect the variety that we all offer to one another along with the variance.

It is interesting to think where or how I would think if not for these influences.

Great writing!

Cheers,

Tara Parker

4/3/2021 06:04:53 pm

Hi Tara and thank you for such encouraging feedback. I do appreciate it. I was intrigued by your reflections on fictional characters that have influenced you...and how you can see parts of some of those characters in yourself too.

It made me reflect on how, to some degree, how we perceive any person (real or fictional) is partly a product of our own experience and imagination. This is where I find concepts such as transference and projection so intriguing..!

David

4/3/2021 07:29:07 pm

Whatever influences may have steered my career choices, now, in partial retirement, I have to say, given the chance, I would change pretty much everything! That said - I’m at last finding a balance to life that is rewarding, enjoyable and fulfilling! Perhaps I just drifted ... maybe the message here is, it’s never too late to purposefully and actively pursue your dreams!

4/3/2021 09:43:10 pm

Hi David. Thank you for such an honest response. I'm curious: do you mean you would 'change pretty much everything' about the career path you have travelled to date? If so, what changes would you make - and why? 'It's never too late to pursue your dreams' is a great inspiration.

I was invited to share my life journey a couple of years ago for retired professionals. At the end, a queue of people spoke to me, each to tell me how they wished they had taken the road less travelled too. I responded with words from Richard Bach: 'A test to find whether you mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.'

If you'd be interested to see a short transcript of the talk: https://www.nick-wright.com/ripple-effects.html

5/3/2021 09:57:35 am

I’d change pretty much everything from age 18 anyway (I’m 60 now). Don’t want to go into detail in public but suffice it to say education in the UK , whilst noble in theory I found soul-destroying - even as head teacher I was subject to utterly incompetent officers and advisors- how I wish I’d taken a different path.... until .... through an international educational research project in Canada, I met my wife.... all’s changed now!!!! PS. It’s not enough merely to dream, you have to proactively make it happen - even if you do occasionally split the odd infinitive! 😂

5/3/2021 12:01:22 pm

Hi David. It sounds like your path, painful as it has been, has thankfully led you to a happier place. I'm pleased to hear that.

"It's not enough to dream..." So true. It's a pattern I often notice in my coaching work with clients. In case of interest, I've written a couple of short pieces on this theme and related experiences here:

*Grit: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/true-grit
*Yes, but: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/yes-but

Neill Hahn

6/3/2021 11:35:30 am

Nick, I carried out such an exercise many years ago and was surprised to see that it was a long list of characters that influenced me... some of them real people, some fictitious characters, yet influential anyway. (I hadn't met all the real people, so I guess they were effectively the same as the fictitious characters anyway). The earliest direction changer was reading Desmond Morris's "The Human Zoo". It caused me to ponder human interactions from a much wider (helicopter) view, than the 'local footpath' view that my childhood had limited me to. That started a new, life affecting, inner journey. If I can have a second go... a fictitious influencer was from Pogo (& friends) from Walt Kelly's "I Go Pogo" comic book. Before that I didn't know that wisdom and humour can be married together to both delight and challenge at once. (I still have the yellowed copy my mother gave me 58 years ago. It's like a treasured friend. I am sure that she wouldn't have known it would influence a change in my views on life and people).

6/3/2021 11:44:10 am

Thank you for sharing so thoughtfully, Neill. Yes, the boundary between 'real' and 'fictitious' (or imaginary) is a complex one psychologically. (On that point, you may find this related article interesting? https://www.nick-wright.com/dreaming-reality.html)

I have heard of The Human Zoo but haven't yet read it. You have stimulated my interest to have a look at it now. I haven't heard of Pogo, but how amazing that you will have that copy that your Mother gave you all those years ago! Very special.

One of the fictitious characters that influenced me most was Richard Bach's Jonathan Livingstone Seagull. Have you read it? (In case of interest, I was invited to speak on the Seagull's influence here: https://www.nick-wright.com/ripple-effects.html)

E.G. (Ervin) Sebastian - CPC, CSL

6/3/2021 11:37:02 am

Interesting timing... I was just telling my wife and daughter about my first mentor...

I was telling them how "eating is one of our greatest experiences in life; and I was so blessed to travel to many countries... in China I'd eat at these giant turning tables, with dozens of amazingly delicious food - dining with mayors, CEOs, and other dignitaries of the towns I was visiting..." [my daughter loves listening to these stories, of daddy's "glorious days :) ]

Then I told them about my first mentor who'd have to travel to many countries, but he'd eat only egg and bread on most days, as he'd get sick from local food. How sad... missing out on so much...

But, yes, he was a C-level exec in Hungary's largest kitchenware company, and he took me under his wings when I was 23 (after I tried to sell him a few things, unsuccessfully). He "groomed" me from "lose the yellow socks" to teaching me how to approach companies, what to say, how to shake hands, etc.

I was blessed early on, as several successful business people mentored me - 100% free. Even though I looked like a homeless Jesus (in a suit), they must have loved my fire and dedication to success.

Oh..., I just read your article
Turns out you were referring to different type of "influencers" 😊

In that case, as lame as it might sound, the first one was Tony Robbins (does he qualify as an influencer?). After I came to the US, in '95, I saw him in an infomercial in the middle of the night... I bought his Unleash Your Power full program (about $200), and changed my life - got me a good start in this new beautiful country :)

But later on, Steven Covey, Chad Holmes, Jay Abraham, and many others.

6/3/2021 11:49:32 am

Hi Erv and thank you for sharing so vividly from experience. I always love to hear your life stories too! I can empathise with your first mentor. In most of the countries I love visiting most, I get frequently ill from the food and often end up living on rice, bread and bottled water. Influences...influencers...I have had so many in my own life too. Here's a short piece about a few that stand out to me as sources of profound inspiration: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/heroes

6/3/2021 06:29:13 pm

Ay, Nick, not you too!!! 😱😭😱

In every country I made it a point to try most of their famous food. I ate snails, frog lags, snake, black chicken (back then it sounded really yucky - it also looks really strange), shrimp, lobster, crab - which for me, back in early 90s were worth than eating snake... but, yes, they became a life-long favorites.

I refused to eat dog, cat, monkey brain, rat, and other local "delicacies" that completely fell outside of my comfort zone. but other than that, I feasted with the locals on about anything (yes, I ate some bugs too 😁)

Cool list of heroes.
I challenge you one day to expand on it and give a paragraph to each hero, making their name bold (perhaps even add an image).

6/3/2021 06:35:06 pm

Hi Erv. You sound like my very cool and adventurous Malaysian Chinese sister-in-law who travels all over in Asia and always insists on eating local. I have another good friend who swears by taking a flask of whisky on every trip and taking a swig after everything he has eaten. He said he has never yet been ill.

On the heroes front, that's an interesting suggestion. I have written quite a few blogs about Rudi and about Jasmin. Both feel very uncomfortable about having their names in bright lights. They are deeply humble people whose focus is on God and the people they seek to serve, and not on themselves.

6/3/2021 11:12:16 pm

Nick, yes, most of those meals - in about any country - were washed down with plenty of Jintao Pijio (gintao beer) and rice wine... or other fancy beverages that tend to disinfect your "soul" :)

6/3/2021 11:23:31 pm

Thanks Erv. Now I can see where I've been going wrong. :)

Bernd Leygraf

9/3/2021 09:03:52 pm

Joseph Zinker.

9/3/2021 09:05:10 pm

Hi Bernd. I love Zinker's 'Creative Process in Gestalt Therapy'. Have you read it?

10/3/2021 08:08:01 pm

Of course. also in search of good form by him. joseph taught it at our institute in london.

10/3/2021 08:09:21 pm

Wow - it must have been great to meet him and to observe his approach in practice.

11/3/2021 04:15:51 pm

He was fabulous and also was his partner Sandra Cardoso-Zinker.

11/3/2021 04:17:29 pm

Yes, I can imagine. I guess they were pioneers when Gestalt practice was at its most experimental and, in that sense, radical and risk-taking.

12/3/2021 11:05:26 am

Yes, that's true. Nowadays more difficult in pursuit of "correctness". Sigh.

12/3/2021 11:09:49 am

In case of interest, I have posted some Gestalt case studies from my own practice on this website. Look in e-resources, under the Coaching L&D section. The articles are called: 'Just do it'; 'Crab to Dolphin' and 'Let's Get Physical'. I would love to hear your comments!

Rob Tyler

15/3/2021 08:59:01 am

The greatest influences on my life have been pain and fear. You can't beat them.

15/3/2021 08:59:41 am

Hi Rob. I’m intrigued. Can you say more..?

15/3/2021 11:51:55 am

Hi Nick. One example I experienced years ago was a nervous breakthrough, usually called a nervous breakdown by others. My experience of pain and fear went off the scales. This then became the catalyst that unconsciously triggered off a peak experience or temporary enlightened state lasting approx 18 months, which led to me exploring psychology, which led to me working with clients, as well as feeling happy most of the time for approx 30 years.

15/3/2021 12:00:15 pm

Wow, Rob - thank you for sharing so personally and profoundly. That sounds like quite a journey! I too experienced something similar around 20 years ago. I was signed off work for a while with near nervous breakdown. 'Pain and fear went off the scales' is a great way to describe what I experienced too. I tried to capture and express something of that experience, and my subsequent attempts at sense-making of it, in this short piece: https://www.nick-wright.com/so-afraid-of-fear.html

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