NICK WRIGHT
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Instant

23/8/2017

94 Comments

 
There’s something about chronic illness or injury that is hard to cope with, not only for ourselves but for others too. In my experience, people often want to say, ‘Get well soon’ rather than, ‘How can I stand with you when there is no prospect of recovery in sight?’ Over time it starts to feel awkward. Every time someone asks, ‘How are you?’ with look of sincere hope of improvement in their eyes, it feels harder to say, ‘No change (and no realistic prospect of change).’ Their face drops and, after a while, they stop asking. We feel a relief of sorts not to be asked and yet, at the same time, increasingly alone.
 
We live in an age where we expect everything to be fixed…and fixed quickly. As technology speeds up communication, service and delivery, we become socially conditioned to a culture of the instant. We become increasingly intolerant of waiting. We want immediate responses, immediate results. It’s all about now, narrowing the time gap between action and response. In project management, it’s as if we want to eliminate lag altogether, impatient that one coat of paint must dry first before we can apply a second coat. If push comes to shove, we’ll trade quality for speed. Just do it. Now.
 
At heart – if it had a heart, it’s a culture of reductionism that seeks to accelerate maturation without trusting a process of slow change or an experience of being. It ignores the value of the present moment, the potential deep richness of the space between the now and the not yet. It discounts an eternal perspective and purpose, the larger frame that places everything now in context. It’s a leader who drives change without allowing people time to take their own journey. It’s a coach who presses clients to set goals before they’re ready to take that step. So, now: pause, reflect - and breathe..?
94 Comments
Cath Norris
24/8/2017 08:56:18 am

Ahh big sigh of acknowledgement and relief Nick, thanks. It's happening in the therapeutic world too, driven by putting a price on the value of existence. CBT quick fixes, mind meddling, goal driven, missing out on the mutual magic of being with.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 09:04:11 am

Hi Cath. That's an interesting comment. I guess it reflects a wider social-political-economic debate around what we value most as a society and what we are willing to pay for through taxation etc. I'm interested in how beliefs and perspectives about is important to us as individuals and societies are shaped over time and what drives or influences those changes. We risk being seduced, convinced, by whatever the prevailing mindset and behaviour is in the moment.

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Sally Branch
24/8/2017 10:54:37 am

I so agree with this. And similarly, In my work with clients in mental health I see how people are forced by the "quick fix" system to set goals without their or their clinicians taking the time to consider first where goals come from -that is, for example, from a knowledge of values, of their strengths and support systems - and from an acceptance of where they are now now - which might be coming to terms with their illness. All this takes time! BTW, I very much like your phrase "‘How can I stand with you when there is no prospect of recovery in sight?’ I think people want to be helpful and "positive" to those with ongoing conditions but need to find a way to do it without negating the reality of the situation - and your phrase is a good start!

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 11:02:27 am

Thanks Sally. Yes, it is alarming to see some of the pressures in the mental heath system at the moment and how some targets can drive practitioners towards numbers rather than therapeutic outcomes.

The 'stand with you' phrase first struck me deeply when once reading the New Testament in German. It described the Holy Spirit as the one who stands by us, as if literally standing with us/beside us, particularly in times of trial.

It challenged me to think about what stance I take in my own life and professional practice. I know what it is to feel impatient with progress and what it is to experience patience and impatience from others too!

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Sally O'Connor
24/8/2017 11:52:41 am

Excellent article...thank you.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 11:53:10 am

Thanks Sally. You're welcome. :)

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Paul Vincent Clarke
24/8/2017 12:46:56 pm

As a Christian we say 'Give us this day our daily bread' for tomorrow as enough to concern itself with.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 12:48:27 pm

Hi Paul. I'm curious. What do you see as the implications for living in an 'instant culture'?

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Susan J Goodbrand
24/8/2017 08:24:24 pm

Oh yes! People, scarily, just don't understand........! Thanks for posting to change perceptions!

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 08:27:53 pm

Thanks Susan. Can you say a bit more about what it is that people just don't understand..? I may be one of those people!

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Glenda Thomas
24/8/2017 08:28:54 pm

Thank you for sharing this article.

When I work with clients, I begin with self-observance instead of starting with the goals I use to start with goals first but the stagnation would inevitably show up to stop the process. We begin with building a foundation of knowing who you are and what makes you tick. There are other aspects to the foundation. Once the foundation is established - then we begin working on goals.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 08:34:04 pm

Hi Glenda. You're welcome. I think you raise a good point about starting where the person is at to avoid stagnation, lack of energy or inertia. This is where contracting with the client from the outset is so important; e.g. What are we here to do; How shall we do this; Where shall we start? For some clients, goals are a good starting point. For others, different foundations need to be established first. It all depends on what the client would find most useful and meaningful.

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David Noer
24/8/2017 08:35:02 pm

Right on, Nick. I think in today's environment, OD practitioners are tempted to collude with clients who demand instant answers to complex, systematic, and personal existential issues. I saw it in the selection criteria for this years national OD network request for workshop proposals. The interest was in immediate, tangible take-always rather than reflective introspection and self awareness and grounding. I've heard some practitioners explain to clients that "It takes a woman nine months to make a baby - nine women can't make it happen in a month." That somehow seems to reinforce your point.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 08:44:11 pm

Thanks David. I've noticed similar dynamics in my own practice. I can feel tempted, drawn into, collusion too out of desire to impress, feel like I'm making progress, show I'm making an impact. I have to remind myself to stay grounded and focused. It takes courage...and humility.

I think nine months pregnancy is an excellent analogy. Apart from the physical processes involved, it also creates important psychological space for personal, relational and wider social transitions.

Another analogy that comes to mind is that of allowing wine to mature. Some things are best not rushed and it takes patience and trust to allow people and things to move and mature at their own natural pace.

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Karen Leckie, MSOD
24/8/2017 08:45:03 pm

Great insight Nick! I totally agree! This is where "use of self as practitiiner" comes in. as OD scholar-practitioners, we know how important we are as models in a system, and as we slow down to the present moment and accept all the messiness and develop our patience, then we can bring that gem of insight.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 08:53:10 pm

Thanks Karen! Yes, in Gestalt terms, we are part of the 'field' and, if we are able to hold awareness of that in the moment, we are able to offer reflection and insight on the basis of our own experience, of what-is. It can prove very valuable indeed, a bit like countertransference in psychotherapy. Are you aware of Michael Parlett's work in this area (Field Theory)? You may find this blog - and some of the comments posted under it - resonate too? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/use-of-self-in-coaching

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Miranda Raguenel
24/8/2017 08:54:13 pm

So true Nick, we have to allow the paint to dry to get a truly pleasing finish ... I couldn't agree more.

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Nick Wright
24/8/2017 08:55:44 pm

Thanks Miranda. I learned that lesson quite literally the hard way once when spray-painting a motorcycle petrol tank!!

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Jane Holliday
24/8/2017 09:47:57 pm

After an end to my profrssional career and a massive change in my health, what frustrates me is that it is decided if ive acheived, been sorted out or mended, by assessing how i was and how i am now on a number chart. Im glad God does not judge what i acheive on an "estimated" at best check list. Acheiving is progressing with MY goal. This is now visably different from my previous life. Acheiving a degree or helping "sort out a clients problem. Acheiving, fixing and mending now means something very different. Now, on a hard health day to eat without help despite the pain, is quite an acheivement. In practice i could very easily have missed a clients major achievements because i did the right chart and didnt put myself in their shoes.

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Nick Wright
25/8/2017 10:33:52 am

Hi Jane and thanks for sharing so openly and honestly from personal experience. I think what you have described demonstrates the big - and sometimes painful - gap, at times, between 'objective' data and subjective experience.

Health and social care policy-makers appear to create measures and indicators inductively based on broad samples of data across a wide population. That can be very useful e.g. to create a picture of emerging trends and needs regionally or nationally.

I think a problem arises when they seek to re-apply their general conclusions deductively to specific individuals or circumstances. It can feel as if people are being force-fitted into a standard template that lacks nuance or sensitivity. Does that resonate with you..?

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Ray Jamieson
25/8/2017 10:13:24 am

Nick and Glenda, between you - you nailed it! Of course you need to meet the people where they are at initially. Like hooking a tow rope to a stalled car. Because it's a Jaguar or Bentley doesn't mean it needs a different rope or that it can reach out and connect the rope to itself, it's still a stalled car!

Once the connection is made, then you can take the person to wherever you and they need to go together for the outcome you and they desire...

For some, it's just to get mobile again - fix the broken bits. For others, it's into the machine shop to get racing parts installed and move to a new and higher level of performance.... Our task, as coaches, is to make those distinctions, and get the client to the place they want and need to go. Not to make rash promises and set goals that are way beyond their capabilities (in either our minds or theirs) but set realistic goals that will provide the satisfaction of achievement they seek. Great article, Nick.

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Nick Wright
25/8/2017 10:41:06 am

Thanks Ray. I really like your tow rope metaphor. I'm interested in how, as coaches, we can get drawn into trying to create immediate solutions - dragging the client along by the rope, if you like. I think sometimes it's about wanting to feel and demonstrate that our coaching is useful. If the client is moving too slowly (in our eyes or in the eyes of a client's sponsor), we can inadvertently take over and tow the client to a conclusion that feels to us like a worthwhile result. Does that make sense?

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Patrick Kennedy
25/8/2017 10:42:02 am

Beautifully put, Nick. There's so much to be gained from the journey which can affect the outcome if we only take time to reflect on what we see and experience on the way.

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Nick Wright
25/8/2017 10:44:47 am

Thanks Patrick. You reminded me of the quotation from Eldon that, sometimes, 'The journey is the destination'...although it is not always apparent to us at the time.

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Harriët Andriessen
26/8/2017 10:35:14 am

Very interesting and thought provoking, thank you very much Nick. I'm well aware of this situation, from personal and professional experience. It helps me to accompany my coaching clients in starting from where they are now. I also think that your approach is important with clients who have major self confidence or self esteem issues, which are real psychological handicaps. Developing acceptance and patience must be the first goals, to slowly reinforce self esteem before starting any other objective. I also realize that as I sometimes feel impatient myself with a client's process, this is more a reflection of my own impatience with my own challenges. And that helps to have more empathy, and to stand with my client.

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Nick Wright
26/8/2017 10:45:02 am

Hi Harriët. Thank you for such an honest response. Yes, I think it's important in coaching to recognise and remember that it is, first and foremost, the client's journey that we are there to accompany them on. That journey becomes part of our own journey, having been there with them on it, and there's always a risk that our own journey takes over or becomes confused with theirs on route.

I think this is where 'use of self' and supervision can be so important and useful. If I start to feel impatient with the client's process or progress, I can explore what it could mean; e.g. what is the client triggering in me; are my own coaching goals getting in the way; is this how others experience the client too; is it how the client is feeling subconsciously, unacknowledged or unexpressed, etc.

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Elizabeth Wray MBPsS M.ed
26/8/2017 10:46:41 am

Thanks Nick I enjoy reading this article over breakfast I totally agree with your thinking I have an incurable condition and choose to look at it as bringing a different dimension into my life not one I necessarily would have chosen however it's take me on a different life path which I have no complaints.

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Nick Wright
26/8/2017 10:53:28 am

Hi Elizabeth. Thank you too for such an open and honest response. I think you illustrate well how the ways in which we construe ourselves and situations in which we find ourselves can have such a powerful influence on how we feel, behave, act and live. This is where exploring underlying personal and cultural beliefs can be incredibly helpful and releasing - and where supporting a person on their own journey through coaching, therapy or friendship can be so human and resourcing.

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Angela Franklin
26/8/2017 10:54:31 am

Good points raised, highlighting some of the benefits of Co-Active Coaching.

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Nick Wright
26/8/2017 10:58:08 am

Thanks Angela. A co-active spirit and approach can certainly help the coach to avoid inadvertently driving the conversation, especially if feeling pressured by a 3rd party client/sponsor to 'deliver results - and quickly!' Do you have an experiences of this approach in this type of situation that you could share?

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Heleen Jacobs
26/8/2017 03:58:06 pm

How beautifully put. Thank you.

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Nick Wright
26/8/2017 03:58:27 pm

Thanks for your kind feedback, Heleen.

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Kathy Flora
27/8/2017 12:40:24 pm

Just Thank you for such insight.

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Nick Wright
27/8/2017 12:41:27 pm

You're welcome, Kathy - and thank you for such a heartwarming response.

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Alison Cameron
27/8/2017 12:43:12 pm

Thank you Nick best coaching post I have read all year. Often coaches and humans can become too identified with the role of "fixer" and getting results, meaning they have little interest in waiting or accepting. Alternatively, New age beliefs often have people blaming the person with the chronic illness or long term challenge as "creating their own reality", reducing perspectives to dumbed down simplicity. Lack of the muscles relating to delayed gratification have us give up too quickly when we don't see signs of change.
And yet, in the "being with", acceptance and patience is great possibility for us to realise so much about depth, grace, humility, suffering and love. Thank you for bringing this important perspective to light.

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Nick Wright
27/8/2017 12:49:33 pm

Wow - thank you for such praise! I smiled when I read 'coaches...and humans'. ;) I really like the way you expressed this: 'in being with, acceptance and patience is a great possibility for us to realise so much about depth, grace, humility, suffering and love.' Coaching is a profoundly human encounter which can, at its best, leave both of us changed.

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Alfonso Muñoz-Cobo
27/8/2017 12:52:22 pm

Sometimes the right question to us as coaches is: who is trying to get quick results, the client or yourself..? None expects a professional to solve a problem "right now"(for instance doctors, lawyers, etc.) and we tend to think coaches have to ...why? The above is applicable to people around us: family, friends and whoever do not know what coaching is about and ask us. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Nick..!

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Nick Wright
27/8/2017 12:57:08 pm

Thanks Alfonso. That's a good question. Another angle, e.g. in systemic coaching, can be to be curious about who or what outside of the coaching relationship itself (although experienced within it) is driving this apparent need for quick results. This kind of inquiry can shed useful light on wider influences that may be valuable for the client to pay attention to and address.

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Lester Stephenson
27/8/2017 12:59:07 pm

Thanks for a good description of the popular culture driven chaos in which we live.

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Nick Wright
27/8/2017 12:59:31 pm

Hi Lester. You're welcome. :)

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Sabine Nemeth
28/8/2017 11:16:26 am

I really enjoyed reading this!!!

It's so not our culture - sit down and breathe. We're always rushed, focused on the next target, on a problem that needs fixing.

("How are you" is such a poignant one - I haven't quite grasped the convention yet.)

It's amazing what our minds can come up with when we allow them to pause. And such a difficult exercise.

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Nick Wright
28/8/2017 11:21:05 am

Thanks Sabine! I agree with you: 'It's amazing what our minds can come up with when we allow them to pause'. Adam Kahane in his book, 'Solving Tough Problems' talks about something similar. We sometimes need to create space to step back, to not think about, to allow some of the most creative solutions to some of the most difficult challenges to emerge.

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Jeff Nelson
29/8/2017 08:55:04 am

I love your insight on this, Nick.

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 08:55:30 am

Thanks for your kind feedback, Jeff.

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Terrie P.
29/8/2017 08:56:12 am

Great piece. Thanks.

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 08:56:39 am

Thanks Terrie. You're welcome.

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Roland Sullivan
29/8/2017 08:58:19 am

I say anyone should be an instant OD practitioner while ago specialists have the same amount of education as a brain surgeon. Coaches are NOT OD practitioners . Bradford from Stanford says an OD person works the entire enterprise.... then they can be the coach.

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 08:59:47 am

Hi Roland. I don't think I have understood the point(s) you are making in relation to 'instant' culture. Can you say a bit more?

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Jennifer Holloway
29/8/2017 09:04:10 am

This reminds me of the advice Sheryl Sandberg gave when you're asking someone who's just had a bereavement how they are: don't just ask "How are you?" ask "How are you today?"

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 09:05:09 am

Hi Jennifer. That sounds like good advice to me. We can make it even more specific: 'How are you - here and now?'

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Marjorie Wharton
29/8/2017 09:07:46 am

Good point for reflection. Rushing to the answer or solution is so often our natural instinct because we think that we bring the most value by solving the 'problem'. Figuring how to bring value and be useful when there is no 'problem' for you to solve or when the solution is beyond your control is a lot more challenging. Very thought provoking.

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 09:10:07 am

Thanks Marjorie - and well said. I think this is were self-awareness, supervision and critical reflective practice are so important for a coach. We can so easily become driven or seduced into problem-solving for the client.

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Robin Cordova
29/8/2017 09:11:14 am

Fantastic article - thank you for sharing.

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 09:11:49 am

Thanks for such affirming feedback, Robin!

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Sheri Conaway
29/8/2017 09:13:29 am

Well said, Nick. I love how Eckhart Tolle encourages us to be in the moment. We can't change what's happened in all of our past moments and the future ones aren't here yet. All we can do is be the best we can in the moment we are in.

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 09:14:54 am

Thanks Sheri. A friend says something similar: 'The past only exists in our memory. The future only exists in our imagination. All that exists is the here-and-now.'

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Christa Ferdarko
29/8/2017 06:45:11 pm

I can completely relate, as I have had the same questions since my diagnosis of MCTD. People can't grasp that an illness isn't temporary or that treatment won't make it go away. My strategy has been to always answer, "I'm winning" when they ask how I'm doing. Honestly, my illness has caused me to evaluate my life and make drastic changes, so regardless of the physical challenges, I am indeed winning!

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 06:51:02 pm

Hi Christa. Thanks for such an honest response. It sounds like you have found a courageous way of responding. I sometimes find myself stuck for words. I snapped my knee in a serious cycling accident 3 years ago and, according to the consultant, its condition will gradually deteriorate until I'm in a wheelchair. When people ask how my knee is, I really wish I could say it's OK, not least to help allay their concerns for me. If I say there is no prospect of improvement, they look stuck for words too. Perhaps it's something about trying to manage one-anothers' anxieties as well as our own?

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Emily Logan
29/8/2017 07:57:36 pm

I really enjoyed this post. As a new/budding OD practitioner, this brings up a question for me. How do you advocate for slowing down, being intentional, and pausing to reflect when the widespread corporate message is that organizations that aren't fast enough will fail? I suppose this is a question of "selling" the value of this more intentional OD approach, but it relates. I have been drawn to OD for this very reason, including the Use of Self and mindfulness elements, and am still working through the best way to marry those concepts with the traditional business environment. Thank you for this post!

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Nick Wright
29/8/2017 08:06:20 pm

Hi Emily and thanks for your encouraging feedback. Welcome to the world of OD. :) I think you pose an interesting and important question.

I know some OD practitioners who refuse to work with clients unless they are willing to pause long enough to consider the benefits of a more reflective OD approach. I know others who try hard to market what they do by using faster business-speed words and language that their clients can relate to.

I try to use a pace-and-lead approach. It means, where possible, tuning into the felt/perceived needs and priorities of the client, reflecting back and ensuring they feel heard and understood before proposing OD solutions. A former OD colleague referred to this as establishing rapport, credibility and trust.

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Michael Harreld, MDiv., B.A.
30/8/2017 04:22:34 pm

As a t-11 paraplegic who is currently healing and bedbound and a Chaplain and faith based life Coach I could not have said this better.

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Nick Wright
30/8/2017 04:23:59 pm

Thank you, Michael, for such affirming feedback based on profound personal experience. May your healing continue.

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Joe Connell
30/8/2017 04:26:58 pm

Great perspective and reminder Nick, thank you.

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Nick Wright
30/8/2017 04:27:37 pm

Thanks Joe. You're welcome.

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Nivedita Das Narayan
30/8/2017 06:23:08 pm

It needs such silent strength to be able to say to a Client 'we will take as long as it takes! However long, I am here to wholeheartedly support and be with you in this journey'! Sometimes I've caught myself trying to indicate or quantify time to being asked how long it will take. It's such an earnest question from a person seeking to be told about the light at the end of their tunnel. We owe them utmost earnestness and honesty about the truth of the process, that a lot of the light is within the journey! Thanks for the reminder Nick.

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Nick Wright
30/8/2017 06:27:42 pm

Thanks Nivedita. I agree. Sometimes the pressure for speed comes from the client, anxious to experience a solution...or hope. I like your reflection that 'a lot of the light is within the journey'. Sometimes it involves working with the client to reconstrue what they perceive as light...or the tunnel...or the journey. Sometimes the best we can offer is our presence, our being-with.

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Daniel Dworkin
31/8/2017 08:44:41 am

Interesting post -- thanks for sharing. Spoiler alert: contrarian position here. In my experience, organizations have a tremendous amount of untapped capacity to change faster. When leaders set inspiring challenges and empower people to discover new ways of working, breakthroughs can happen. Of course, transformation and culture development are longer-term affairs. But even in those cases, meaningful short-term gains are possible if leadership creates the right conditions. As OD practitioners, we do ourselves and our clients a disservice by settling for slow and steady.

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Nick Wright
31/8/2017 09:01:08 am

Hi Daniel and thank you. I love your challenge! And I agree with you. I have experimented over the years with speed coaching, speed action learning and speed workshops. The idea is to explore the impact on dynamics and progress by accelerating the pace or reducing the timeframes available. I have often seen dramatically positive results. The same is sometimes true at wider organisational levels where increasing speed and challenge or tightening deadlines can increase energy, dynamism and potential for success. On the flipside, trying to do everything fast all of the time can result in dangerous shortcuts, systemic failures, damaging stress and unhealthy burnout. Perhaps its something about discerning space and pace - what the situation calls for and holds potential for rather than, say, what an OD practitioner or client may naturally prefer?

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Daniel Dworkin
31/8/2017 09:24:12 am

Yes! I agree with those builds.

Nick Wright
31/8/2017 09:24:29 am

:)

Geoff North
31/8/2017 01:19:14 pm

I believe Roland's very pertinent point has been lost in this discussion. A true OD practitioner is there to " tread the boards ' WITH the client, walking hand-in hand throughout the whole enterprise. Both learning, in different ways, as they travel. As for pace ...its more like a 3-legged race. The coaching part follows, only if required, and is subsiduary to the role of OD practitioner. I hope my post helps Emily to ' work through ' her concepts also. My final point is that.... speed is not the same as progress when it comes to holistic approaches.

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Nick Wright
31/8/2017 01:24:15 pm

Hi Geoff. I think 'tread the boards' is a great expression. There's something fundamental in OD about being with the client and yet - at the same time - sufficiently detached to avoid becoming embroiled in the same perspectives, issues and constructs as the client him or herself. This is very similar to the coaching relationship. How to bring fresh insights, perspectives, support and challenge on the basis of a relationship grounded in trust.

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Tara Parker
1/9/2017 01:47:13 pm

I agree, Nick; we are in a world of instant gratification. Patience appears to have shifted from a virtue to a cumbersome challenge often avoided because it defeats the purpose of gaining quick results. Your reminder for a break (a coffee break, as it were) is a vital in coaching. That one moment of breath can make all the difference.

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Nick Wright
1/9/2017 01:49:21 pm

Thanks Tara. I think that's an interesting point. Our need for instant gratification can become quite addictive. I agree with you: 'That one moment of breath can make all the difference.'

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Rebecca (Beck) Henshall
1/9/2017 01:50:30 pm

You know that precious moment when something is in front of you that resonates so clearly with your own awareness and you just want to say 'thank you universe'. Thanks Nick - words cannot express!

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Nick Wright
1/9/2017 01:51:04 pm

Thanks Beck. Thank you God! :)

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Francois Alizart
1/9/2017 01:52:22 pm

Thank you for your post Nick. In a world where everything has to be 'Now', it's great to see the importance of 'reflection', of 'being', of 'letting' highlighted. It takes courage and trust to be with a client and be part of what is unfolding.

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Nick Wright
1/9/2017 01:53:38 pm

Thanks Francois. Yes, in my experience, we can become so fixated on the results or outcomes that we hope for that we can miss amazing things emerging and unfolding right in front of our eyes.

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Mini Agarwal
1/9/2017 01:54:27 pm

Thanks for this post Nick! The 'stand with you' phrase resonates so well. Today's 'Culture of the instant' is changing the world of an entire generation. The sweetness of a lingering wait, the culmination of patience into a much awaited result is missing. That it manifests in the philosophy and performance of a person in several other dimensions, is a matter of huge concern.

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Nick Wright
1/9/2017 01:58:12 pm

Thanks Mini! I love the way you expressed that: 'The sweetness of a lingering wait...' Very evocative. It reminded me of this extract from the charming book, The Little Prince, on 'waiting': http://www.angelfire.com/hi/littleprince/framechapter21.html

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Mini Agarwal
13/9/2017 09:35:22 am

Hi Nick! Thanks for sharing that extract. The Little Prince has been an all-time favourite and it's always a beautiful feeling to revisit it.

Nick Wright
13/9/2017 09:36:04 am

Thanks Mini. For me too. :)

Tara Schofield
2/9/2017 12:13:20 pm

Thanks Nick, for this perspective. I love how you have brought to life the 'potential deep richness of the space between the now and the not yet'. I notice when many people I work with are in deep hardship, they start talking about taking 'each day as it comes' or 'one day at a time'. I often wonder how this links with setting goals, and working with Hope. Maybe at times, it just doesn't. For some, maybe the deep richness of each moment is enough. At times, rather than hoping things will get better, just let them be as they are, accept them and the responses that arise. Thanks, I will be thinking about your post for a while.

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Nick Wright
2/9/2017 12:17:03 pm

Hi Tara. Thank you for such a heartwarming response! I think the distinction you have highlighted lays at the heart of the distinction between, say, ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) in the therapeutic arena too.

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Sue Sandford
2/9/2017 12:18:46 pm

Just to say I found this piece very affirming and encouraging Nick. As a relatively new coach who is uncomfortable with a rigid goal orientated approach it's given me some reassurance that it's OK to focus on listening and trusting the idea of walking or sitting alongside someone while they discover and navigate their own journey , not trying to be a coaching satnav. Hope that makes sense!

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Nick Wright
2/9/2017 12:22:06 pm

Hi Sue. Thank you for your encouragement too. My sense is that, sometimes, a preoccupation with goals can over-emphasise the task achievement aspects of coaching and miss some of the deeper personal-relational dimensions.

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Denzil Bennett
2/9/2017 12:23:17 pm

A concept I had not really thought about and now gives me reason to pause and work out am I pushing too hard and not accepting that people need to process at different speeds and you need to be available to reinforce learning when they are ready to receive it.....

Reply
Nick Wright
2/9/2017 12:24:15 pm

Hi Denzil. I agree. Well said.

Reply
Kathryn Pollington
2/9/2017 07:00:10 pm

A great piece, thank you Nick. We shouldn't need reminding to pause, reflect and breathe … but we do! Wise words.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/9/2017 07:00:44 pm

Thanks Kathryn. I need to remind myself too. :)

Reply
Lynne Goldberg, MCC
21/9/2017 09:21:14 am

Hi Nick. I enjoyed reading your article and share many of the same beliefs and opinions (which are beliefs, I guess:-) The challenge with a client who is suffering and stuck in their heads, I have found, after coaching for a long time now that unless they are in a place to see the now for what it is and the "lingering wait" as something they will consider, accessing isn't necessarily a given. just sitting with a client through the darkness and being a reassuring presence can often simmer down the mind. Unless a person is ready to "be here now" as Eckhart would say, just "being" with them can often be a hallway into exploring the moment differently. I've often used the phrase "getting comfortable with the uncomfortable" is the beggining of awareness, which of course is the prework for insight. Enjoying this thread and wish you all a lovely weekend....Lynne

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 09:25:52 am

Hi Lynne and thank you. I really like your way of expressing that. In a culture of 'fix-it and fix-it now' we can really struggle to accept and handle experiences of discomfort. It is, perhaps, one of the reasons why resilience is so low and mental health issues so high. We have created a cultural expectation that all should be OK all of the time which makes the 'lingering wait' or 'getting comfortable with the uncomfortable' so painful and difficult?

Reply
Liff Thestrup
21/9/2017 09:26:25 am

So beautyfulled described in this article, how important it is, to mix the goaloriented ways of working with clients (and our own issues) and another, we may call it "the way of precence".

Reply
Nick Wright
21/9/2017 09:27:25 am

Thank you, Liff. I love your expression: 'The way of presence'. Very evocative and profound.

Reply



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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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