Integrity

19/7/2016

What do you really believe? It’s sometimes hard to know. We can believe something absolutely, with real passion and conviction, and yet act completely differently. The really weird thing is that we can convince ourselves that we’re living consistently with what we believe and yet the behavioural evidence, the decisions we take, the time and energy and resources we spend on people and things, can tell a very different story. Our human ability to deceive ourselves is quite remarkable.

Against this backdrop, words like integrity, genuineness, authenticity and congruence spring to mind as a stark contrast, posing a powerful and deep challenge to who we are and how we conduct ourselves in the world. We tend to think of these words as inner qualities, personal attributes, the idea of someone walking their personal talk whether anyone notices it or not. Yet they are often formed, outworked and sustained in the context of complex situations and relationships.

In this sense, we could consider the integrity phenomenon as having social and cultural as well as personal dimensions. It’s about the individual but it’s not only about the individual. So we can ask: Who best models integrity for us? If we live seek to live with integrity in all aspects of our lives, what impact and influence does that have on those around us? What cultural beliefs and values nurture and support it? What social conditions provoke and inspire it, often against all the odds?

What does this mean for leaders, OD and coaches? Here are some ideas: 1. Clarify our beliefs and values: what matters most to us? 2. Invite people to support and challenge us when we risk dissonance, self-deception or slip up on route. 3. Model, inspire, support and affirm integrity in behaviour, relationships, decision-making and culture. 4. Support and challenge, not collude, when working with clients. 5. Love, honour –and forgive – when we and others get it wrong.

45 Comments

Melissa Lewis

19/7/2016 01:47:39 pm

#2. This is a good one. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone to challenge and support your integrity.

Nick Wright

19/7/2016 01:55:59 pm

Thanks Melissa. I agree - and humility. It boils down to soul-searching questions such as, 'How much does living with integrity mean to me?' (which, of course, links to our values), 'How far do I really want to know where I'm doing well and where I'm off the mark?' and 'How can I get myself into a mental and emotional state where I can hear feedback rather than respond defensively to it?' I think this is where coaching and supervision can be particularly powerful and beneficial. I also choose who I am willing to make myself accountable to, e.g. to God and to people who I know, respect and trust. All the best. Nick

19/7/2016 07:22:38 pm

We are coaches for a reason! We have done our work and demonstrate it everyday.

19/7/2016 07:23:47 pm

Hi Melissa. I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Can you say a bit more? All the best. Nick

19/7/2016 08:16:04 pm

It means that you and I have asked ourselves these questions, we had the courage to look at the truth, we have been willing to adjust our behaviors to create our own personal versions of integrity and now that we demonstrate these values in our own lives, we can help others by being role models as well as coach others on how to have higher levels of integrity.

19/7/2016 08:19:13 pm

Thanks Melissa. That's true. And, for me, it is a continual journey of revisiting those questions and recommitting myself. Integrity is a day-to-day, moment-by-moment attitude and decision. I try to inspire and support integrity in my clients too and that means being willing to offer challenge in a co-active spirit. All the best. Nick

Terrence H. Seamon

19/7/2016 06:26:12 pm

Integrity: Doing what you said you would do. Keeping your commitments. Integrity demonstrated therefore builds trust. It shows up on many a company's list of values. It's a good one to list, in my opinion, though it can be hard to live up to day by day.

19/7/2016 06:30:42 pm

Thanks Terry. Yes, I think trust is a very important relational dimension of integrity. I agree, it can be hard to live up and sustain to day-by-day. I think that's where developing a culture that supports integrity can extend the aspiration and responsibility beyond the individual to the wider system too. All the best. Nick

Robert Hodge

19/7/2016 11:57:54 pm

In a now dated book on leadership, the author compared the lists of leadership characteristics of many gurus. There were only two in common between all gurus. Just two. 1. They had to have followers - duh. 2. They needed integrity . Without integrity, the rest really doesn't matter. Yet, "integrity" means different things in different cultures e.g. an honest answer works in the West, yet a smile and "yes" while disagreeing with you is highly regarded as a service to the other person to save face in another culture.
So, I like your five points for leaders, OD and coaches.

20/7/2016 12:12:11 am

Many thanks, Robert. Yes, without integrity it is difficult if not impossible to inspire and sustain trust. Without trust, no followers.

I think your comment about how integrity is expressed in different cultures is so very important. It is too easy to misjudge behaviour because we haven't understood underling beliefs and intentions.

I first experienced this when teaching English to Vietnamese refugees many years ago. If I suggested a time to meet, they would nod enthusiastically yet not turn up. I thought this was rude and disrespectful, especially as I was giving my time as a volunteer to support them.

The Vietnamese interpreter explained, however, that to agree with me, at least in terms that I recognised as implying agreement, was in their culture to show honour and respect. It took some getting used to!

All the best. Nick

Linda Randazzo

20/7/2016 12:13:52 am

Looking at it, perhaps #4 is the most powerful reminder for myself. Having the integrity to be transparent when we mess up, acceptance of ourselves and others as we continue to strive to make a positive difference in this world.

20/7/2016 12:18:34 am

Hi Linda and thanks for the note. Yes, I like your emphasis on having sufficient integrity to be transparent. It demonstrates courage, humility and a willingness to learn and is very different to putting up a proverbial front. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/-faades Let me know what you think? All the best. Nick

23/7/2016 08:29:48 am

Thanks Nick. Really appreciated this.

23/7/2016 08:30:26 am

Thanks Linda. You're welcome. :) All the best. Nick

E.G.Sebastian (CPC)

20/7/2016 03:54:40 am

Yes, I often thought about having a personal "butler," whose job would be to whack me anytime I try to eat after 7:00 pm; or when I try to eat "stupid foods"... Or when I still have my Netflix on after 10:30 pm :) Yes, we know what we want, and what we should do (and WANT to do), but there's an invisible power within, with a powerful remote control, that at times controls us and we end up acting like a zombie... just going through the (stupid) motions... again... but this time we promise it's THE LAST TIME... that is, we promise again :)

but, who knows, hopefully I'm the only one dealing with this power "within" with the powerful remote control :)

I'd say, though, that as long as we win most of the battles, and we stay in control most of the time, we'll do fine. But if we let this inner creature "guide us," then we end up with a regular job, watching lots of tv, gaining weight, and becoming a sore self-pittying old person... NOT ME!, for sho' :)

20/7/2016 04:06:17 am

Brilliantly put, E.G. You reminded me of Paul's words in the New Testament: 'I know what I want to do but I keep doing the opposite.' (my paraphrase). You may like this short piece on a related theme: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/voices-inside-our-heads Let me know if that resonates for you? :) All the best. Nick

20/7/2016 02:14:42 pm

Great article! -- So... I have a challenge for you ... Next time you wake up to a drizzly morning, be grateful for it, and get out there and love it! :) I see rain as a source of life - even as a kid, I loved playing in the rain - and I'm grateful for it, as it allows me to live on a bountiful land. When I married my wife, she hated rain passionately - she'd get blue each time it rained... Fast-forward a couple of years, and you see her dancing in the rain with me (or without) and the four of us - w. 2 kids - monkeying around out there, playing in the puddles...

But you see... I just "tripped" again - on the topic of your post... As my #1 goal in the past close to 15 years - and especially the past 2 years - is to NOT Judge! I did not know how judgmental I was till I went through my life coaching training (2003).

Yet here I am "judging" you for chickening out from a rainy morning :)
To my defense, though, it's not real judging - it's more like teasing. It's not considered normal to love clouds and rain - hence adding one more element to people being able to call me crazy or a loony :)

BTW, I chicken out all the time from Jogging (that's my daily thing) - but instead of completely "chickening out" - because of knee pain, primarily - I either bike instead or do yoga.

Oh...! probably said this already... Absolutely love your writing! Your blog post flows so beautifully - it's a true verbal tai-chi :)

20/7/2016 02:17:42 pm

Thanks E.G. So what you're really saying is...I'm a complete wimp! ;) I love the rain too, mostly because it keeps the kids with footballs off the streets. The 'thud, thud' of footballs outside drives me crazy. Bah humbug.

Thanks for the encouraging feedback on the writing. Never heard it called verbal Tai Chi before! :) I enjoy all your comments - always insightful and zany. Brightens my day. All the best. Nick

Darrell Darnbush

20/7/2016 04:09:31 am

There may be more "want to" than experiences. It takes a while for people to overcome vulnerability. Good thoughts.

20/7/2016 04:12:30 am

Hi Darrell and thanks for such an honest response. Yes, integrity is easier in principle than in practice! All the best. Nick

Lollo Mofolo

20/7/2016 04:20:55 am

The idea that we can both support and challenge at the same time is fascinating to me. I now figure that when you challenge, you actually support because you take those involved, including yourself - to spaces that we wouldn't have gone otherwise. And that's never-ending, the stuff that curiosity is made of. Your five points articulate this so well.

20/7/2016 04:21:35 am

Thanks Lollo. Day & Blakey have an interesting chapter on this in their book, 'Challenging Coaching' (2012). They propose that coaching that is high in support and low in challenge can be experienced as , say, cosy or collusive and, conversely, low in support and high in challenge as stressful and defense-provoking. The optimal is high in support and high in challenge. It assumes a positive intention, a desire to act in the client's best interest, and a relationship characterised by trust. All the best. Nick

Ramesh Sood

20/7/2016 12:41:03 pm

If you can't live what you give as a Trainer then better not to be a trainer. For me integrity is only one thing: Walk the talk. Demonstrate. RS

20/7/2016 12:43:49 pm

Thanks Ramesh. It sounds like role-modelling is an important aspect of demonstrating integrity for you. I'm curious - what challenges to integrity do you face in your work, e.g. if you are expected to communicate a message you profoundly disagree with? How do you handle that? All the best. Nick

David Joubert

21/7/2016 11:55:02 pm

Nick, I'd love to say as a Christian professional its all par for the course. But, sadly I would be compromising my own integrity! Its an ongoing journey of refinement through the Holy Spirit. In earlier times I would make promises and would break them once they become an inconvenience. Lately, I tend to seek God's guidance before I stick my neck out too quickly.

The book of Proverbs (20:7) assures us that:"The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them."

From a leadership perspective, we often walk a tight-rope, don't we. Just looking at your list you've mentioned already suggest possible contentious areas. What trade-offs do we have to make to bring about a success? Did we compromise our integrity, or the integrity of someone else? Or perhaps the firm/client?

I can only suggest that whatever decisions we make, we include God in all of them. God Bless!

22/7/2016 12:01:26 am

Hi David and thanks for such an honest and insightful response. I can relate to much of what you describe in my own experience too. It's all too easy for me to be expedient in my Christian faith - to act with integrity when it's easy or suits my own purposes to do so. I really do need the Holy Spirit to guide and help me to stay true to his values and calling. I think the dilemmas you raise are interesting and challenging. What if, by acting with integrity in my own frame of reference, I place someone else in a compromised position that has negative impacts on them and others? It reminds me of difficult conversations about situational ethics when I studied in theological school! The Lord bless you in our walk with Jesus. Nick

23/7/2016 08:40:44 am

Hi Nick, you're most welcome! Just on the topic of difficult conversations, I realised that graciousness of speech is in fact what helps me to convey, sometimes career-ending discussions. As painful as it may be; but we need to do it always with love and with the aim of encouraging the individual. God Bless, Nick!

23/7/2016 08:44:15 am

Thanks David. Yes, I love how Jesus is described in John's gospel as 'full of grace and truth' - and I'm glad that grace comes first! If we follow in his example, which in my case is often easier said than done, we can have honest conversations in the right spirit...and that can make all the difference. Incidentally, are you familiar with Day & Blakey's book, 'Challenging Coaching' in which they explore a similar idea around support and challenge? All the best. Nick

2/8/2016 09:29:30 am

Very inspiring, Nick. Almost all the time we are tempted to slip into our comfort zones... one example I would certainly reference!

Rossy Galaz Salazar

23/7/2016 08:22:42 am

Definitely the word instructs but the example, as a good professional should lead by example surely is the best letter of recommendation must inspire others with my positive attitude to life, customers and the general public have more confidence in us in this way.

23/7/2016 08:26:23 am

Thanks for the note, Rossy. I like your emphasis on the professional person as an inspiring role model. This can engender belief, hope, ability and trust in others too. All the best. Nick

Adv. Moses Moeletsi

23/7/2016 08:21:59 pm

By beholding Jesus we become changed. Christianity is a process of growth that is enabled by Christ. As we emulate him we become like him.

23/7/2016 08:22:54 pm

Thank you, Moses. You have reminded me of how, in John's gospel for instance, we are encouraged to 'do the truth' rather than simply to believe it in some abstract sense. As we to the truth, we become more like the Truth - the Truth who is Jesus. The Lord bless you. Nick

25/7/2016 08:22:22 am

The truth in the person of Jesus is a principle everlasting and unchangeable. Jesus is predictable, His commandment are a transcript of his character which bears his holiness. Our second Adam, who came to this world and took humanity to show us that we can overcome sin as he did. He gives us the same power that He used to overcome sin. With such power sin has no power on his peoples those who embrace the truth.

Malti Poetai

24/7/2016 11:16:26 am

If something keeps repeating on a negative way than It is a pattern that has been established in the subconcious mind so It needs attention & investagation when you become aware of It. And otherwise It is honest to let others see that nobody is perfect.. The world is yin & yang, dark & light, sun & moon and so are we in our emotions. If we all were constantly happy we would never knew this state but by experieng unhappy feelings we know the difference:-)
By accepting It we just allow ourselves to feel it and then It will go.

24/7/2016 11:18:24 am

Hi Malti and thanks for the note. I'm curious. Are you saying our integrity can be compromised by subconscious processes..? All the best. Nick

24/7/2016 01:03:27 pm

Hi Nick, thanks for your comment!
What I have seen that negative patterns can keep you away from your integrity. So when we are in a certain situation automatic behaviour that finds It resource in these negative patterns can pop up and takes control over your thinking, feeling & doing. Therefore It is important to look at these old patterns and get them out of your system so you can 'upgrade' your integrety & reveal your authentic self. That means you will be less triggered by people and situations and you will stay easier unaffected.

24/7/2016 01:04:37 pm

Many thanks, Malti. I think that's a very important dimension to the 'integrity' question - and you expressed it well! All the best. Nick

24/7/2016 10:18:12 pm

Thank you very much Nick! Like your topics, keep It up! Greetz from the Netherlands:-) Malti

Scott Lucado

26/7/2016 09:23:20 am

I'm reminded of a place I worked where they were having trouble getting people to show up for Ethics training. One of the instructors suggested solving the problem by simply passing around a blank roster and having people sign it. For Ethics training. The irony was completely lost on him.

Not what you'd call integrity, eh?

26/7/2016 09:24:22 am

Hi Scott. What a great counter-example! Excellent. :) All the best. Nick

Paul A Steele

26/7/2016 09:27:16 am

Really liked Facades Nick, good read, nothing particularly new but easy to read and relate to, thanks. I especially like and relate to #1 & 4. I would also like to add that unconscious bias may be a strong variable in this discussion, perhaps when we use the word integrity we are saying/implying tow very important understandings, 1) Trust and 2) Consistency; without these two being present there can be no integrity.

26/7/2016 09:30:09 am

Thanks for the kind feedback, Paul. Yes, I would agree that we are influenced by subconscious beliefs, assumptions etc. that influence how we perceive other people and situations and, thereby, how we relate and respond to them. I agree - trust and consistency are important aspects of integrity. All the best. Nick

Carl Bishop

3/8/2016 02:39:04 pm

Interesting commentary. The definitions can be concrete, yet fluid as well. Ultimately for me, it boils down to my own checks and balances verses what society might use to measure the benchmarks. Thank you for stimulating the thoughts on this topic.

3/8/2016 02:40:41 pm

Thanks Carl. Yes, at times, integrity calls for us to walk according to our own beliefs and values, irrespective of what wider society might deem to be right, appropriate or acceptable. All the best. Nick

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