Invisible

16/6/2020

'The visible emerged from the invisible.’ (Lailah Gifty Akita)

In a week dominated by news headlines of violent clashes between Black Lives Matter (BLM) and English Defence League (EDL) supporters in the UK – and similar conflicts over the same critical issues elsewhere in the world – the words of Martin Luther King seem as resonant as ever: ‘Violence is the voice of the unheard’; a rage-filled cry and angry lashing-out of those who feel, and are treated, as if invisible. It raises some hard questions: Who do we see and not-see? What would open our eyes?

Invisible is a deep sense of unseen, unheard, unnoticed or ignored – and that in contrast to a perceived, seen person or group. If I’m invisible, it’s as if I don’t matter, count, or exist. ‘You need to be more visible.’ It’s about exposure, acting in ways that will attract others’ attention; others that matter to you; that have sway over, say, your livelihood or career. That often means dancing, however awkwardly, to their tune; doing and achieving what matters most to them, and making sure they see it.

To be truly not-seen, to feel invisible, is a painful existential state, imbued with rejection, hurt and fear. If we feel marginalised, excluded from who or what matters most to us and can find no legitimate means to get close, we may resort to more desperate means to fulfil our need. To be seen is to be acknowledged, respected and invited in. It recognises, speaks and affirms a sense of dignity and worth. I exist, I matter and I belong; I have a voice and I will be heard; I’m engaged with real skin in the game.

I see a biblical narrative of a slave girl who was treated unjustly, cast out with nothing yet miraculously encountered by God: ‘You are the One who sees me.’ To see someone, to really see and not simply to cast a passing glance, is a call of leadership. To enable people to see themselves, and others, in a vibrant, fresh light is a call of coaching, training and OD. It inspires, reveals and releases talent, potential and contribution. Who do you see and not-see? How could you make the invisible more visible?

20 Comments

Erik Weber

16/6/2020 02:52:24 pm

Ein Beispiel aus meiner Klasse. Ich lernte sie 2016 kennen. Davor hörte ich immer nur 1 Namen und Klagen über diesen Jungen. Er wäre zu schwierig und zu eigensinnig. So hatte ich Respekt vor der Aufgabe, diese Klasse zu leiten. Grundsätzlich darf jeder Schüler immer seine Meinung sagen. Natürlich durfte auch der Junge seine Meinung sagen und wir diskutierten. Aber alles im Guten. Er sagte, dass die Lehrer vorher ihn nie ernst genommen haben oder ihn nie sprechen ließen. Wie traurig für ihn. So war er nicht unsichtbar weil er ruhig war, sondern weil er eine eigene Meinung hatte und diskutieren wollte. Zu unbequem für manche Kollegen und zu anstrengend. Also sahen sie ihn nicht.

Nick Wright

16/6/2020 02:58:18 pm

Hallo Erik. Vielen Dank, dass Sie eine so relevante Erfahrung aus einer Unterrichtsumgebung geteilt haben. Es ist ein großartiges Beispiel dafür, wie das Gefühl der Unsichtbarkeit das Verhalten eines Kindes beeinflussen kann - ein Aufruf zur Aufmerksamkeit, um gesehen zu werden.

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

17/6/2020 04:43:55 pm

Another powerful piece Nick. My sense is that we all need to be seen and valued. Sometimes we don't want to be seen because we feel that we are not worthy of being seen (perhaps because of abuse.) There can be an unconscious push/pull of desperately needing that human connection but feeling fearful of it. At other times we are not seen by others because of racism or other social injustices. I wonder sometimes when we look at other people what we see or what we think we see. It is human nature to make assumptions but it is what we do with those assumptions that is so important. Generalisations don't help. When we say All...... do/think/behave.... this isn't helpful. If we don't understand I wonder what it would be like to be genuinely interested in getting to know others who are different from us. We are not 'better than others' because of money, education, social status etc. How about the elderly - do we value them? If not why not? Someone elderly recently told me that they feel invisible and of no use. I found this very sad. This is not true - how can we value all people more. Everyone has intrinsic worth. When we look at others will we see and respect their dignity and humanity?

17/6/2020 07:56:03 pm

Thank you, Stella. Yes, that's true that we may sometimes prefer to be unseen, e.g. to fly under the proverbial radar, or to keep our heads below the proverbial parapets, if we believe that exposure would be detrimental to our jobs or well-being.

I was sad to hear of the elderly person you mentioned and their experience of feeling invisible. As I get older, I have sometimes noticed that too. As a case in point, I took my mother shopping just before the lock-down. When we approached the tills, the staff repeatedly ignored my mother and spoke to me instead, even though I was only there to provide company and push the wheelchair.

I don't imagine they did it purposefully, with awareness. So much of our filtering people out is done subconsciously. On seeing the unseen, as a dramatic counter-example, I posted this short piece a while ago: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/seen-and-unseen. You posted great, insightful comments on that piece too!

18/6/2020 01:13:51 pm

Nick - Your story about your mother is another example of assumptions that we may make unconsciously e.g. someone in a wheelchair perhaps won't understand (which is clearly untrue) so we talk to the person pushing the wheelchair instead. It's concerning isn't it but I think it is good to talk about these things so that we can all self-reflect on our conscious and unconscious biases.

These issues are so big and we may feel powerless to do anything. However I believe we all have a part to play in the way we treat other people. Change can be difficult but if we are willing it is possible.

I re-read my comments on your blog Seen and Unseen. I owe much to my mentors. As an introvert sometimes I am happy to be on the edge of things but when it comes to mental health and relationships I feel that the message is so important that I need to speak up and do something when I can.

I have been on the receiving end of microaggressions over various things. The younger me would have just kept quiet and internalised my thoughts and feelings. Now I speak up - politely but firmly.

18/6/2020 01:25:32 pm

Hi Stella. Thanks for sharing further reflections on this theme. Unconscious bias is a very significant issue in the media at the moment. One of the tricky things in dealing effectively with such bias is that it is, by definition, unconscious. We are biased and we don't know it.

I remember attending an anti-racism workshop where the facilitator, Tuku Mukerjee, displayed a white flipchart sheet on an easel, took a black marker pen and touched the paper with the pen, making a small black dot on the sheet. He then turned and asked us, the group, 'What do you see?'

Everyone responded, 'A black dot'. Nobody said, 'A white sheet.' It was a profound moment of awareness-raising, of noticing what (and, by extension, who) we notice and filter out, without even realising it.

It gets more complex too, since many of our biases are psychologically and culturally defended and reinforced. I think this is where having access to insightful and skilful mentors and supervisors can be so valuable and important; people who are able to offer fundamental challenge, with support.

19/6/2020 09:11:52 pm

Eloquently expressed.

19/6/2020 09:14:36 pm

Thank you, Stella. In case of interest, here are a couple of short related pieces on the 'black dot' theme:

*Blank sheet: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/blank-sheet3475867
*Not noticing: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-noticing

Yvonne Davina Mannell

17/6/2020 04:45:03 pm

The world needs a mind reset to love listen and befriend for love conquers all things. God took a generation and let them wonder the desert for 40 years till they trusted him (reset).

17/6/2020 08:00:42 pm

Hi Yvonne. I like your expression, 'a mind reset'. It's as if we need to clear away the various subconscious filters we have created or adopted over the years to see more clearly. A spiritual reset would help us review and refresh our values and behaviours. A heart reset would enables to see and reach out to those who are and feel invisible.

Priya Thomas

19/6/2020 05:42:10 am

Rightly stated!

19/6/2020 05:43:05 am

Thank you, Priya!

Lakshmidevi Vasudevan

19/6/2020 03:12:04 pm

Amazing thoughts Nick! Thank you for writing and sharing. It looks like some invisibility playing out here. I had so many thoughts the moment I read it. I couldn't write it that time. Today I did and somehow my internet connection went bad at the moment when I posted it! So here I am writing again...Agree to Stella's views. I experienced the same in a conversation with someone that a elderly person who is living was not considered at all. I am wondering about the mental models people carry! To see as is, is to be in touch with oneself. Sometimes I have worked with posture (embodiment) and with voice in dance movement therapy for visibility. Also makes me reflect on functions and roles in organization that can be considered not visible and the repercussions of it!

19/6/2020 03:16:01 pm

Thank you, Lakshmidevi, for such heartwarming feedback. I'm pleased you persevered and found a way to make yourself and your valuable insights visible! I'm very interested to hear more about your work 'with posture (embodiment) and with voice in dance movement therapy for visibility.' Do you have any case examples you could share here? I'm intrigued.

19/6/2020 09:04:38 pm

Dear Nick, Thanks for your comment. Mentioning it here may not give the same impact. However I am trying! For embodiment the process include many movement activities/conversations in circle to ensure equality. Movement in the center, owning and improvising movement of others, through authentic movement of self, letting go movements, enacting weird movements are some of the expressions of body because we are conditioned very differently (not to do many things) Many a times it acts as a block. In voice, saying "yes" and "no" in different modulations can help people to come more visible through asserting themselves in different ways. Gibberish is one more way used to bring out the voice! There are more deep work with different techniques! We design it accordingly and intervene basis the need of the group. In client place after a good rapport, I convey/ask some people what I see about their posture (it can be leaning, getting in to a corner, etc.) when they enter different spaces which they don't tend to see! (To help them become aware!)

19/6/2020 09:10:25 pm

Thank you, Lakshmidevi. That's a very helpful explanation. What you described reminds me of some ideas and practices in Gestalt. Are you familiar with it? It sounds like some aspects of your work enable people to become more present to themselves and in their environment. I love the idea of 'enacting weird movements' as a way of exploring, experimenting and breaking free, perhaps, of our conditioned constraints. I like the idea of using the voice differently to assert one's presence, thereby to become more visible too. Thank you for sharing here. Your work sounds fascinating!

Cecilia Bonfanti

19/6/2020 09:17:57 pm

Very interesting post Nick about feeling “invisible”.

19/6/2020 09:19:16 pm

Thank you, Cecilia, for your encouraging feedback.

Rosa Gomez

22/6/2020 03:32:38 pm

Marvellous reflection.

22/6/2020 03:33:00 pm

Thank you, Rosa.

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