Labels

1/9/2016

‘Why are you talking with her? She’s a prostitute.’ The disdain in his voice was palpable. The young woman had approached me as I sat at the roadside. Walking in the Thai heat and humidity had left me sapped of energy so I was relieved to sip on a cool drink and rest for a while. She had smiled at first and started polite conversation. Was I here on holiday? Was I here alone? Then she moved closer and moved on: Would I like some company? Would I like to take her to my hotel room?

I responded kindly – and firmly. I was happy to talk, I was happy to buy her a cold drink too, but I would not take her to my hotel room. Period. She persisted for a while but then gave up. ‘OK, a cool drink would be nice.’ To my surprise, she stayed and talked for the next 3 hours. She told me about her life, her children, why she was doing this, how she handles what she does physically, mentally and emotionally, what her hopes and fears were for the future. I have rarely felt so humbled.

The thing that struck me most in this encounter was how it felt to meet this special person as a precious human being, a child of God, not as a prostitute. Even the word feels jarring, demeaning and dehumanising as if this label sums up everything someone is and is capable of. Before she left, this woman explained that she uses a pseudonym at work as a way of splitting off her true self from what she does. Then she told me...her real name. I felt honoured, clasped her hands and thanked her.

As professionals, how often do we and others apply labels (e.g. job titles, role stereotypes) – sometime values-laden, sometimes convenient – to ourselves and to others that simplify reality yet blind us to the broader richness and complexity of who we and who other people and teams are and could be? If we were to peel back the labels to reveal the astonishing human beings that lay hidden behind them, what potential could be released in us, other people, teams and organisations?

114 Comments

Adrian Spurrell

1/9/2016 12:40:19 pm

So true! And how many labels do we also apply to ourselves instead of just being?

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 12:44:35 pm

Thanks Adrian. Yes, we seem to live in a culture where labeling people and things is viewed as important. It's as if there is a need to assign a category to everyone and everything. What do you think that's all about? All the best. Nick

Adrian Spurrell

2/9/2016 02:01:50 pm

I read something once that said its a default mechanism we all have for simplifying the world around us. Basically we don't have enough processing power to deal with every nuance, so we cluster things into boxes as that makes it easier for us to move forward. I suspect that as our society has insisted on us moving faster and faster we do it more and more and the boxes are becoming broader and broader. After all if you're going to keep up you can't stop and think!

Nick Wright

2/9/2016 02:03:31 pm

Hi Adrian. Yes, it's the same psychological process that enables us to focus - rather than trying to pay attention to everything all at the same time. That's an interesting thought about the impact of having to move, and therefore process, faster and faster! All the best. Nick

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

1/9/2016 01:13:48 pm

Wow Nick your post has really touched me. What a wonderful experience for that lady to be able to talk to a man who was willing to respect her and listen to her story - to value her as a human being. You are right it is so easy to apply labels to other people (and to ourselves) and then 'pop them or ourselves in our imaginery box of either acceptable or not acceptable.' Yet when we listen - give time - it makes all the difference - to them and to us. Surely this is at the heart of our prejudices - we generalise and dehumanise. When we have an opportunity to hear people's stories we understand more and are more compassionate. Whilst we may all make assumptions I think what is important is what we do with those assumption. Thank you so much for sharing this profound post with us.

Jeremy Stunt

1/9/2016 01:16:02 pm

I agree Stella. As we develop our deep listening skills we can become better at "listening to our listening" - noticing some of the ways we may be perceiving and interpreting the world, noticing the judgements and assumptions we make. The more we notice, the more choices we have. In the coaching discipline I follow, we have a concept called "no self" which I interpret as a challenging state when we are listening to our client and at the same time listening to how we are interpreting the client in order to suspend our own interpretations and judgements.

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

1/9/2016 06:51:44 pm

Thank you for your reflections Jeremy. They resonate with what I would describe as being reflexive and reflective. I think these skills are important in all of our interpersonal relationships.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 07:01:15 pm

Hi Stella and many thanks for such heartwarming feedback. I can also say, what a wonderful experience for me to talk with this woman who was willing to respect me - to value me as a human being by sharing her story with me in this way. Yes, I agree - the labels we use are sometimes values-laden and that this can create stereotypes and prejudice. If we are aware and willing to examine our labels and assumptions, it can create the possibility for greater empathy, understanding and compassion. All the best. Nick

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

5/9/2016 04:44:08 pm

You are most welcome. The way that you write touches our humanity (or least it does mine) You make a good point about the lady respecting you as well. She must have seen something in you that enabled her to feel safe and able to talk to you. I imagine that you will both have been changed by the experience. I think sometimes we don't realise just how much impact we have on people so the way that we relate to others (whether we know them or not) matters.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:46:44 pm

Thanks Stella. I love the Gestalt question, 'What's the quality of contact between us?' It's something about presencing ourselves to one another in such a way that it feels almost physical. All the best. Nick

William Dykstra

1/9/2016 01:14:18 pm

Wow.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 07:13:36 pm

Erm...thanks William! All the best. Nick

John Rylance

1/9/2016 01:24:53 pm

I used to be wary of labelling people, until I realised the possible benefits of giving someone a label so as to achieve help. This was particularly true for children with special needs. Giving them a label often meant they got the help they were entitled to Their parents were happy for two reasons, firstly the problems were recognised and addressed, secondly it invariably put them in contact with other parents of children with similar problems.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 07:12:30 pm

Thanks for the note, John, and for sharing a good example of where using labels can be useful. Since our health and social care systems are constructed around specific diagnoses, language, categories etc, sometimes using corresponding labels can create faster and better access to support and care and provide people with an 'answer' for what they are noticing and experiencing. The downside is that organising services around categories in this way can mean that people are sometimes not viewed and supported as whole people (which implies complexity) and that services are not joined up. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick

John Rylance

1/9/2016 08:39:35 pm

Yes it does, particularly the last bit. Then the label isn't the problem, but which budget pays for the provision, or which service has the staff to meet the needs.

Sue Sanford

1/9/2016 06:52:31 pm

Nick, this is brilliant; thanks for sharing it and reminding us how damaging labels are and how precious every single individual is.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 07:19:07 pm

Thanks for such encouraging feedback, Sue. I think labels can be useful if, for instance, they help to simplify complexity to make it grasp-able and meaningful. The risk is that we use labels in reductionist ways that lack integrity - or blind rather than illuminate. Does that make sense? And yes, well said: every individual is precious. All the best. Nick

Kristine Hart

1/9/2016 06:53:05 pm

Nick...The Earth & Heaven embrace You. Your Compassion is Divine.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 07:21:59 pm

Thank you for your kind words, Kristine. I'm inspired by the example of Jesus. In this case, I was honestly moved by this woman's compassion towards me - to give this stranger 3 hours of her time and to be willing to share her story so intimately. All the best. Nick

Sarah-Jane Johnson MBACP

1/9/2016 08:40:47 pm

I love this article and it's so true. I so dislike labelling - each person is a unique individual and we don't know what has happened in their lives to bring them to a low point. We should all strive to be non-judgmental and show compassion.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 08:52:31 pm

Many thanks, Sarah-Jane. :) I think one of the problems with labeling is that it focuses on one aspect of a person as if that is the dominant aspect or even the total person. It also allows little opportunity for change. How hard it is to lose a label once we have applied it to ourselves or others. It can trigger confirmation bias, create a 'fixed Gestalt' or become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I agree with you - at our best, we will all strive to be non-judgemental and show compassion. Sometimes easier said than done! All the best. Nick

Lesley O'Rourke

1/9/2016 10:15:04 pm

Very powerful post, Nick. You are right. Each person deserves dignity and respect for being the person God created them to be. Each one has something unique and special to offer to the world. If we remove our blinders and our lenses through which we view people, we would be in awe of the diversity and richness that's all around us. Thank you so much for sharing this personal story.

Nick Wright

1/9/2016 10:19:23 pm

Thank you, Lesley. I think you expressed that beautifully. All the best. Nick

Peter Callender

2/9/2016 12:34:30 pm

Great article Nick. Learning to recognise our prejudices is big for all of us.

Nick Wright

2/9/2016 12:36:12 pm

Many thanks, Peter. I think it's also about recognising that any label emphasises one aspect of a person and can blind us to all other aspects. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick

Lisa Bakker

2/9/2016 12:37:41 pm

Instead of personal development,
the time may have arrived
to reframe and rename it to:
personal de-label-ment....

how many labels can you name?
How many layers of labels are you hinding behind?
What is the main label on your bizcard, internet profiles?

Begs the question (adding to your final question Nick)...
what's more important?
What we are...or WHY we are...?

Very, very insightful post Nick, THANKS!
Happy weekend reflections ;-)

Nick Wright

2/9/2016 12:42:48 pm

Many thanks for such great ideas and questions, Lisa. I love that: de-label-ment. :) It's interesting to reflect too on what labels signify and what function they perform in different relational and cultural environments. Why do we use them in those relationships and environments? What do they enable? What are their limitations? What are their risks? All the best. Nick

Muhammad Faiz

2/9/2016 12:44:10 pm

A very true insight. In my view some people do it to appraise someone, where as some people do it with professional jealousy. These covers spread among the company and colleague faster than we think and labeled anyone regardless of knowing the insight.

Nick Wright

2/9/2016 12:48:27 pm

Thank you, Muhammad. I agree that, once we apply a label to someone publicly in an organisation, other people make assumptions about that person based on the label. That influences their reputation and how others perceive and experience them. Sometimes it may be a 'positive' label, e.g. 'This person is trustworthy', but sometimes not! All the best. Nick

Aramide Akisanya

2/9/2016 04:38:49 pm

Thank you for this thought provoking article Nick.

Nick Wright

2/9/2016 04:39:21 pm

Thanks for your kind feedback, Aramide. All the best. Nick

Piper Purdon

2/9/2016 08:30:13 pm

Labels are a deliberate and constructive form of humanistic separation pejoratively in nature inducing a response so as not to "see" the whole human being - the use of labels in the criminal justice system helps to keep a clear definition of victimiser and victim when ostensibly they're both victims on different parts of the spectrum . It's become second nature in our language. If we rid our language of labels I'd say we would "see" each other in a very different way - indeed we'd live in a very different world.

Nick Wright

2/9/2016 08:34:47 pm

Hi Piper and thanks for sharing such a thought-provoking perspective on this topic. Yes, I can see situations in which labels are used deliberately to create a sense of distance, of other-ness, or to create a particular narrative. It means we need to be careful of e.g. what labels focus our attention on or distract our attention from, what value judgements they carry and are intend to convey, who is using them and what their interests are etc. I think that's an interesting idea to imagine how we would 'see' ourselves and each other and what the world we live in would be like without labels. All the best. Nick

Rula Sater

3/9/2016 07:28:18 pm

Beautifully articulated & great point. Labels typically box our thinking & ultimately our behavior. Although, we still use them, like in describing personality style etc, we should caution while using them to describe the whole of someone.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 07:32:48 pm

Thanks Rula. Perhaps it's about recognising that, when we use labels, we really are looking at the label rather than the full 'product' or person that lays behind it? All the best. Nick

Dr. Anita Pickerden

3/9/2016 07:47:04 pm

Great post, thank you Nick. The simple act of listening to someone is a wonderful gift. We found this when Street Coaching: often the value for coachees was just feeling they had been heard.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 07:52:00 pm

Many thanks, Anita. I believe that true listening and hearing, like true seeing and presencing, is something about affirming a person as a precious human being. You may feel resonances with this short piece too? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-see-you All the best. Nick

Noelia Fernandez

3/9/2016 07:53:16 pm

Insightful as always Nick. This was very nice to read!

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 07:54:01 pm

Thanks for your kind words, Noelia! All the best. Nick

Ukuta Jeshua

3/9/2016 07:55:40 pm

Indeed labels have positive and negative. For instance you want to assign a particular responsibility to some members under your supervision. You need to appraise them based on facts and labelling. In essence we over used labelling, and it becomes abuse and discrimination. Nick your narrative is a justification not to solely rely on what people say a person is. But rather dig deep under the skin of such person. You will be amazed of what you might discover.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 07:57:57 pm

Hi Ukuta. Yes, we need to be very careful of basing our opinion of a person on what we hear about them from other people. I agree with you about looking deeper and that we may well be 'amazed at what we discover.' All the best. Nick

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

3/9/2016 08:01:35 pm

Labelling can be so useful, cognitive mind can keep us alive by remembering which fruit nourishes and which poisons. It can help us stay alive in a complex world. The problem with labelling people is that cognitive mind can then determine how we relate to someone as it pulls all of the associated characteristics out of the filing system. I always stressed that 'homeless people' or 'the homeless' were actually 'people who were homeless'. The distinction around homelessness was useful for identifying an aspect of their experience which they wanted to address, but it's dehumanising and simplistic to omit that they are first and foremost 'people' or a 'person'.

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

3/9/2016 08:03:06 pm

'Meeting' rather than 'labelling' requires that I recognise when my cognitive mind is dominating (which is a habit that we've all acquired) and consciously choosing to meet and be moved by 'what is'. It's dropping into my ability to sense and be effected by the world around me moment by moment, holding an open position rather than a closed, static one. It's a position which feels filled with potentiality and aliveness.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 08:11:34 pm

Hi Cath. I agree that labelling has useful functions. The risk I'm thinking about here is when our focus is on the label, as if it is a total representation of who a person is or can be. It's the same reason why there was an emphasis in health and social care circles in the 80s and 90s on shifting language away from, say, 'disabled people' to 'people with disabilities' etc. The intention was that, if we change our language, we will change the way we think about and relate to people too. I agree that the real opportunity in discovering and relating to people is in trying to suspend judgements and to be as open as we can be. I like your description of 'meeting' rather than 'labelling' a person. All the best. Nick

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

3/9/2016 09:41:24 pm

Yes Nick, I was expressing the same opinion, just also contextualising when labelling can be useful. Hope you're well :)

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 09:42:24 pm

Thanks Cath. Yes, I found your comments insightful and helpful - as always! :) All the best. Nick

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

4/9/2016 10:49:10 am

Thanks Nick I was thinking out loud. My sense was that if we understand and appreciate why we label then we can more effectively distinguish between when it is helpful or not. I do think it's a symptom of overly rational cultures where folks seek to think their way through life rather than meet it as it is. It's symptomatic of trying to have rational control and certainty rather than being open to being in unpredictable relationship 'with'. I sense that any practice which helps us to eleviate rational dominance and drop in to a more embodied way of being helps us to move out of preconceived roles and into a more authentic connection with ourselves and others.

I say this because we run the risk of labelling the labelling! I think that is happening to some extent here. Trying to relate to our tendency to label starts to shift us out of the pattern rather than 're-enforcing it. It is such a common tendency, surely it is meeting some need, even if it is a displaced need? I sense that mind needs a more useful function and that it finds one organically through embodied connection. It is able to develop insight into processes and support us to maintain a more open stance towards ourselves and one another.

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 10:52:04 am

Thanks Cath. I think those are really interesting insights, particularly vis a vis labelling and control. I love your comment, 'we run the risk of labelling the labelling'. Brilliant! Made me smile. :) All the best. Nick

Jivana Kennedy

3/9/2016 08:03:43 pm

Marshall Rosenberg of NVC.. Non violent Communication, calls labeling and diagnosing 'violent'. I can see that.

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

3/9/2016 08:04:42 pm

That's really interesting Jivana. It certainly involves an imposition onto rather than a relationship with. The effects of that can be incredibly stifling, yes, violent, limiting a person's opportunity and need to be met and known for who they are.

Jivana Kennedy

3/9/2016 08:05:38 pm

Over the years people have tried to attach all kinds of labels to me. Some people who do the work I do, are called priestesses, goddesses, tantrikas, dakinis, and so on. And, I want no part of that.

Occasionally, I will use one term or another...just for the sake of making a little distinction...but none of the labels really fit. I am more than can be contained in any label..and IMO, so is everyone else.

When I say 'more than' what I mean to say is... is more complex and diverse than can be explained in a label...

And as I also said..Imo..so is everyone else.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 08:15:52 pm

Hi Jivana (and Cath). Yes, we can find labels applied to ourselves and, at times, in ways that feel untrue, unfair, unjust etc. In that sense, applying labels can be and feel like an act of 'violence', violating a person's true personhood, freedom to be who they are, freedom to change etc. All the best. Nick

Sandra Willis

3/9/2016 08:32:28 pm

Here I'm thinking about a new client: a chaplain. He's starting midlife issues, lives his work safely ensconced in a premier bastion of higher Ed. He has shaved his beard this summer, and realizes he'd been hiding behind multiple images.

Keep writing. You help me.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 08:35:24 pm

Thank you, Sandra - and thanks for sharing such a profound example of taking a literal-physical action that represents, psychologically-speaking, a removal of multiple labels or images. All the best. Nick

Kelley Goulla

3/9/2016 09:33:27 pm

Wow! What a great article! Thank you so much for sharing Nick!

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 09:34:42 pm

Thanks for your encouraging feedback, Kelley! :) All the best. Nick

Mehmet Kavlak

3/9/2016 09:36:16 pm

Labels or classification depend on your aim. sure. you can inexact or exact comment for somethıng else accordıng your experiences so that remaining is interesting with a little chance. I dont think which people not doing labels deliberately in business life.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 09:39:00 pm

Thank you for your note, Mehmet. I don't understand what you mean. Could you say a little more to help me to understand? All the best. Nick

Mehmet Kavlak

4/9/2016 10:53:59 am

I said that labels are a blank occupation of simple people to insult somebody else.

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 10:55:24 am

Thanks Mehmet. Yes, people do sometimes use labels to insult other people. All the best. Nick

I. Peter Hernandez

3/9/2016 09:40:38 pm

Labeling a person is being insensitive and disrespectful especially if it's a negative word that is used to describe the individual.

Nick Wright

3/9/2016 09:47:01 pm

Thanks I.Peter. Yes, I think a problem with a label is that it reduces the picture we hold of the person by over-focusing on one facet of their character, behaviour, ability etc. If labels are used unfairly, it can certainly be disrespectful to the person. All the best. Nick

Gaynor Challingsworth

4/9/2016 10:43:45 am

Thankyou for writing this post. It shows much of life's complexities of stigma and labeling. I feel any life experience personally experienced enhances not just us as people but as professionals. All people deserve recognition not judgment from social and environmental impacts. Society creates to then not understand and people become confused by our own laws of acceptability. Take time and spend it with people you generally would not, those isolated abandoned suffer or dont fit. It is often an honor and great humbling experience. Help undo the labeling, the pedestals of judgement. It helps us to take a look at our own lives. To reflect and change perspective has and will always have a positive impact for self, work, teams. How we first view is never the true face or person we see. If we take the time and change our interactions help to enhance others lives.

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 10:47:45 am

Thanks for your inspiring words, Gaynor. I particularly liked your comment, 'Take time and spend it with people you generally would not, those isolated abandoned suffer or don't fit. It is often an honor and great humbling experience.' It's something about coming close to real people, to whole people, with an open heart and mind - rather than simply to perceive and to relate at the levels of labels. All the best. Nick

Bob Nordlicht

4/9/2016 10:56:27 am

Labels are used to describe part of us...No label, describes the complete "all" of an individual.. Obviously, they can affect beforehand, what some people may think of us. This maybe, both positive, or negative.....Tough , fair, ego centric, listener. Loner, delegator...etc, etc...All labels, right, or wrong, can describe, at most, just a part of whom we are!

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 11:04:01 am

Hi Bob. I agree. Your comments reminded me of how, for instance, labels are used in diagnoses. I spoke with a young woman recently who sometimes experiences anxiety in situations where other people don't. She saw a medical professional who diagnosed her as having 'Anxiety'. This has now become her defining characteristic in her own mind as well as that in the mind of mental health professionals who are working with her.

The label has had an overall debilitating effect, such that she now struggles to notice situations where she isn't anxious (where perhaps other people would be) or other aspects of her character, abilities and experience that could enable her to be far more resourceful an resilient. It's as if all she is is 'anxious', rather than seeing her moments of feeling anxious in broader perspective. All the best. Nick

Jean Magnus

4/9/2016 05:31:15 pm

Reminded of how to give up all labels and do my best to just be me...... and empart this humbleness to my students friends family and colleges....
As a young girl I had so many negative labels stuck on me by teachers I never knew that I had the inner strength to crawl out from under them...

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 05:34:31 pm

Hi Jean and thanks for sharing such an honest, personal account of the impact of labels in your life. Yes, it can be a challenge to break away from the labels that others impose on us, especially if we introject them so that they become our own. I like your way of expressing where you are now: 'do my best to just be me'. Sounds like you discovered an inner strength too. All the best. Nick

Jeanine Joy, Ph.D.

4/9/2016 05:35:24 pm

Thank you for raising this important issue and for your beautiful story of your time with the woman who shared her name with you.

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 05:36:10 pm

You're very welcome, Jeanine. All the best. Nick

Divya Thampi

4/9/2016 05:37:56 pm

Nick, that was beautifully captured...very touching! Thank you for sharing this. James Flaherty in his book "Coaching - evoking excellence in others" presents a new perspective to this, when he says "Permanently assessing someone as having positive qualities or attributes is just as denigrating to that person, as the opposite, because it still assumes that the person is a thing which can be found out about, figured out and predicted."

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 05:41:04 pm

Hi Divya and thank you for the affirming feedback! I really like that quotation from Flaherty. It reminds me that idealisation and demonisation are both projections that reduce a person, in our view and sometimes in the view of that person and of others, to the facets that we notice and focus our attention on. I'll have a look for the book - thank you for mentioning it. All the best. Nick

Cynthia Howard RN, CNC, PhD

4/9/2016 05:41:53 pm

Such an important question. Your story is poignant. What about the opposite when labels such as roles keep us from being real with people at work, or that we want to work with?

Nick Wright

4/9/2016 05:43:13 pm

Thank you, Cynthia. Great question. Do you have an example from experience in mind that you could share to illustrate it? All the best. Nick

Cynthia Howard RN, CNC, PhD

5/9/2016 04:28:12 am

Yes Nick, when I started my business many years ago, I remember feeling intimidated by certain roles and choked when talking with them. I smile now. Your point of operating under labels keeps all of us from being real. This is a great reminder.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:30:54 am

Thanks Cynthia. I think your example demonstrates well how we can attribute (personally and culturally) real power to the labels that we and others use. All the best. Nick

Wanda Jones-Yeatman

5/9/2016 04:25:50 am

Thank you Nick, what a great reminder to listen to the song beneath the words....

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:26:38 am

Thanks Wanda. What a beautiful way of expressing it. All the best. Nick

Jan Kaergaard

5/9/2016 04:31:47 am

Every body are different , If the health professional had been PROFESSIONAL he possibly could have told the young woman that she may have problems at times with dealing with anxiety and offer help without labeling.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:38:13 am

Hi Jan. Yes, it's an interesting challenge. Professions often use labels to define themselves. One label used by health professionals is 'expert', expert in offering diagnoses etc. Diagnoses are often expressed as categories or labels, e.g. 'Anxiety'. It would have been very different if, instead of using labels, they had helped the girl articulate and make sense of her experience, e.g. 'Sometimes I feel anxious. Sometimes I feel more anxious than other people in the same situation. Sometimes I feel less anxious than other people. Sometimes I don't feel anxious at all.' It would feel more real and enable her to develop her wider view of herself, her experience and her ability to live in the world. All the best. Nick

Martella Diederiks

5/9/2016 04:39:16 am

It is so true Labeling is to ostracize people and the emotional hurt adds to their struggling to face their families and the people who knows and most of all the person self. Survival sometimes acts like an unforgiving manager, you have to do what you have to do to survive. From my side I always tries to find the story behind the story, it is so important.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:41:06 am

Hi Martella and thanks for the note. I really like your comment, 'try to find the story behind the story'. We could also say, 'try to find the person behind the label.' All the best. Nick

Nitika OKeeffe

5/9/2016 04:41:59 am

Good article. The real challenge is not succumbing to peer pressure, whether its at work or school and not perpetuate these labels. that's where the real emotional intelligence comes in.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:48:06 am

Hi Nitika. Yes, peer pressure that uses and is based on labels can be very difficult to resist and, in some cases, to survive! Emotional intelligence and resilience can certainly help. Finding ways to change the narrative can make a big difference too. All the best. Nick

Yolanda Fernandes

5/9/2016 09:56:02 am

A nice example of 'walking in another person's shoes' to gain a genuine insight into their life challenges & opportunities . Thank you for sharing!

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 09:56:58 am

Thanks Yolanda! Yes, it was a privilege to meet something of the real person behind the label. All the best. Nick

Jeanine Joy, Ph.D.

5/9/2016 04:16:20 pm

Nick, I love your example using anxiety. I work with a number of people who were given that label and your approach is so much more humane and productive.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:22:32 pm

Thanks Jeanine. This is one of the areas where I find Gergen and Burr's social constructionist approach to deconstructing labels so liberating. All the best. Nick

Jeanine Joy, Ph.D.

8/9/2016 03:44:12 pm

Thanks Nick. I appreciate your pointing me to Gergen and Burr.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 03:47:50 pm

You're welcome, Jeanine. If you have opportunity, have a glance at Kenneth Gergen's brilliant article, 'The Limits of Neuroscience' in Therapy Today journal, July 2015. All the best. Nick

Gillian Gustar

5/9/2016 04:23:33 pm

And all it took was a bit of courage from both parties to step into the unknown - and get to know each other....lovely.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 04:24:42 pm

Thanks Gillian. Yes, the unknown is a great place for discoveries. All the best. Nick

Sue Maitland

5/9/2016 05:04:19 pm

Each of us is a special and unique human being and too often I see people accepting labels that others have put on them instead of showing up as their true self. As coaches we can play an important role in helping our clients connect with who they really are at their core and helping them honour this and be their best self. We can do that because as professional coaches we never come from a place of judgment. I'm so grateful to have found my calling as a coach and to know others like Nick are out there changing the world one conversation at a time.

Nick Wright

5/9/2016 05:09:38 pm

Hi Sue. Yes, we introject all kinds of labels from others from our earliest childhood. The notion of 'true self' and 'who we really are at the core' is an interesting one. Are you familiar with Kenneth Gergen and Vivien Burr's work on social constructionism? It opens the possibility for infinite constructs of 'who we are' and who we could be. I like your sense of calling to this work and your comment, 'changing the world one conversation at a time.' :) All the best. Nick

Gail Page

6/9/2016 09:34:09 am

Loved your story Nick. I can see the encounter had a huge impact in you.

I learned way back when I was a psyche nurse that the place that labels belonged was on jars or bottles - not on people!!

And when I hear people attaching labels to others - it says way more about the person attaching the labels than the person being labeled!

Nick Wright

6/9/2016 09:39:56 am

Thanks Gail. Yes, the encounter has stayed with me for a number of years now. I think the whole thing about avoiding labels is quite tricky in practice. Whenever I use a word to describe a person, e.g. 'enthusiastic', I have attached a label to that person. I think a problem can arise if I view the person only as enthusiastic - as if they are entirely enthusiastic all of the time - and as if they have no other attributes. It can place pressure on the person to be enthusiastic (especially if they don't want to disappoint me) rather than just allowing them to be how they are, whatever that may be in any situation or at any moment in time. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick

Jemma Barton

6/9/2016 03:53:16 pm

A really powerful story, thank you for sharing.

Nick Wright

6/9/2016 03:53:49 pm

Thanks for your kind feedback, Jemma. All the best. Nick

Paulo Henrique Ferro

6/9/2016 03:54:33 pm

This beautiful history brings three things I believe is the essence of each one of us. Our roots, Our encounters, our choices.

Nick Wright

6/9/2016 03:55:30 pm

Thanks Paulo. I like that. I may add, Our beliefs, our Values. All the best. Nick

Adriana Burlea

8/9/2016 03:49:47 pm

How true dear Nick ... Most of us have a tendency of judging people by what others tell you about them. How cold and cruel to avoid being true to your human nature and not listen to what the "labelled " one has to say. The (hi)story behind everyone's life will make you think twice before throwing labels at other people. The woman in the story, as many other women who have taken this road before her, have an emotional background which will not emerge to the surface unless they find a fellow human being who will offer his/her sympathy by giving an ear to their(hi)story/(hi)stories.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 03:52:57 pm

How true, Adriana. In fact, on the same day this woman shared her story with me, I had a conversation with 3 businessmen who were in Thailand to pick up girls working as prostitutes. When I explained some of the stories behind these women's lives, they said they felt terrible and hadn't realised how they were exploiting other people's vulnerabilities. That was a good day! All the best. Nick

Eunita Collins

8/9/2016 03:53:54 pm

So powerful! Thank you for sharing.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 03:54:36 pm

Thanks Eunita. You're welcome! All the best. Nick

Vijendra Kumar

8/9/2016 03:56:24 pm

Labeling does not help. Even when I was working in a therapeutic community for people with chronic mental illness, we were not labeling them with those disorders.
But in clinical setting some time it is required legally.
Otherwise be non-judgmental and show positive regard. Things would fall in place. I see coaching and counseling is more about understanding yourself than understanding others.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 03:59:47 pm

Hi Vijendra and thanks for the note. I'm encouraged to hear of your experience in the mental health field. I hear a very different story from most people I meet who encounter or work in mental health services. In our desire to create ever-more-accurate diagnoses and treatment, we risk creating, not simply describing, more and more mental health issues. If interested, have a glance at Kenneth Gergen's work in this area to see a critique of mental health language from a social construction perspective. All the best. Nick

Robert Martinez

8/9/2016 04:00:38 pm

People's behavior is different over time so we shouldn't completely define them by their current behavior.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 04:01:21 pm

Well said, Robert. All the best. Nick

Annalise Iten

8/9/2016 04:02:20 pm

It is a cultural thing labels, we all have them. what is the most beautiful and important thing to see is the very person in front of you, just a person who has a story that is overflowing with the very same range of emotions, and there is always something to learn.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 04:04:20 pm

Hi Annalise and thanks for the note. I agree that labels are a cultural phenomenon. That means the same labels may carry different connotations in different cultures. I agree too that the most important think is to see the person in front of you...and that that is sometimes more easily said than done! All the best. Nick

Roxanne Goss

8/9/2016 04:05:10 pm

I love this post! As a Recovery Coach and just as a person, I believe we need to stop labeling people with a substance use disorder as an addict, alcoholic, junkie, etc. Those labels are dehumanizing and only make the person feel worse about themselves. We aren't what we do or what condition/disease we have. We are so much more and labeling reduces us to just that one thing.

Nick Wright

8/9/2016 04:12:57 pm

Thanks for such heartwarming feedback, Roxanne! Yes - labels are almost invariably reductionist and represent one way of construing a person or situation rather than a definitive view. Sometimes people in recovery are recovering from the effects of labels they and others have introjected and projected onto them..! All the best. Nick

Michael De Robertis

9/9/2016 10:59:10 am

Great article. Labels in the office really annoy me. The name of my section changes often and so too does my job role, yet my function pretty much hasn't. Peel them back I say.

Nick Wright

9/9/2016 11:00:37 am

Well said, Michael. :) Wouldn't it be interesting if we abandoned all job titles and just turned up as who we are and what we are capable of instead. Imagine what would be possible! All the best. Nick

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