Learning to wonder

6/1/2016

I once trained with Mark Sutherland, a supervisor and psychotherapist, who shared the image of a client as someone floating out at sea on a raft. Whereas some coaches may swim out to rescue the client, to pull the raft back to safer shores so to speak, Mark saw his role by contrast as simply joining the person on the raft: ‘Two people…wondering together.’ For many years now, I’ve found that image incredibly attractive and releasing.

A good friend and colleague, Ian Henderson (Eagle Training), uses a similar principle when drawing on NLP to evoke curiosity in a training group. He may open an event by telling an evocative story at the outset, without introduction or explanation, then stop the story at a critical juncture and shift focus to the formal agenda. It leaves the group surprised, confused and curious…and it’s that state of curiosity that draws the group into deep learning.

A very similar principle attracts me to Gestalt, a coaching approach that involves active, physical experimentation with a client or group. The key to the experiment is to follow your intuition, support the client’s intuition, go with the flow, be playful and creative, let go of control. It means trusting the moment, the dynamic between you, and seeing what happens. I’m continually amazed by what surfaces into awareness and what changes take place.

So picture the coach, the leader, the facilitator or trainer as someone whose role is to evoke curiosity, to enable the client, the team colleague, the group, to wonder. It is a child-like quality that can lead to all kinds of exciting adventures and discoveries. It entails suspending what we know, the pressure to know, and surfacing the power, the gift of not-knowing, allowing the unexpected to emerge – and noticing the newness that is revealed.

40 Comments

James Fox

6/1/2016 10:16:21 pm

Really interesting read!

Nick Wright

6/1/2016 10:17:02 pm

Thanks James! :)

Shanti Shah

7/1/2016 09:32:35 am

Thought provoking! Thanks Nick!

7/1/2016 09:34:58 am

Thanks Shanti! I'm curious...what thoughts did it provoke for you? All the best. Nick

Peter Wiltshire

7/1/2016 09:33:01 am

Thank you for your post Nick, I am curious to know whether you have written more extensively on this topic of wonder and curiosity within the context of consulting, coaching and facilitation. This is wonderful.

7/1/2016 09:39:48 am

Hi Peter and thanks for the encouraging note. You could have a look at some things I've posted on this website, e.g. under: http://www.nick-wright.com/apps/search?q=curious. The purpose of the website is to stimulate discussion and reflective practice - and wonder and curiosity lie at the heart of reflection and practice. Hope that helps. All the best. Nick

Fiona Walker

7/1/2016 09:33:45 am

Love the analogy of the raft!

7/1/2016 09:41:33 am

Thanks Fiona. Me too! I'm curious: what was it about the raft analogy that resonated with you? All the best. Nick

7/1/2016 09:33:00 pm

Hi Nick, for me I found the image powerful especially that the "coach" joined the person on the raft and drifted alongside discussing but not "taking control". Wonderful! and so different to what often happens in life where we try to "control" everything and seldom allow things to take their course and then make decisions in a more organic, evolving way. thanks again for sharing Fiona

Bob Larcher

7/1/2016 10:49:06 am

Nice article Nick; wondering with groups or individuals invariably leads to deeper learning than simply presenting what would be the commonly accepted answer. I really enjoy working in a low-structure environment; there is a topic or subject to treat and we "explore" it together - questions arise, participants have ideas, we have different points of view and together we all learn. I was fortunate when I started my life in experiential learning to be "trained" (certainly not the right word) by an excellent Gestalt practitioner We had a moto in those days; "hold your nerve" - in your terms maybe "trusting the moment".

7/1/2016 01:19:39 pm

Hi Bob. Thanks for the encouraging feedback. I too love Gestalt...at least what I have learned and experienced of it. I really like your expression, 'hold your nerve' - very apt! All the best. Nick

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) MBACP

7/1/2016 01:14:28 pm

I also found the analogy of the raft really powerful. Thank you Nick.

7/1/2016 01:25:52 pm

Thanks Stella. It has really stayed with me for many years. I think it speaks to me of all kinds of things such as simply being-with, openness, flexibility, freedom - a willingness to see what emerges in its own way and time rather than trying to force results etc. Glad that it resonates for you too. All the best. Nick

7/1/2016 09:31:56 pm

I love metaphors and find that there is a deep richness in them - when clients and I work with metaphors it feels a bit like a dance - with them leading and me alongside following and trying to understand. The raft for me speaks of being alongside, a working together and empowering and strengthening of the client. As I relax into the metaphors clients use things begin to unfold that are profound. I agree with you Nick about '.....freedom - a willingness to see what emerges in its own way and time rather than trying to force results etc.' All the best to you too. Keep writing Nick.

Cath Norris MA BA Dip Couns

10/1/2016 01:48:35 pm

Nick, I think the fact that someone wants coaching implies that they are already curious about addressing their own predicament. I see our role as as identifying and clarifying the nature of their curiosity and meeting them in that. Being curious enough to really work at meeting our clients is how we introduce curiosity. It's their 'raft' and their journey, by reflecting the content and implications of that we support them to be more present with themselves. And yes, we are on the raft with them AND we are standing on the shore at the same time, that way we are demonstrating that it is possible to find solid ground within ourselves whilst being at sea.

10/1/2016 02:37:17 pm

Hi Cath,

Many thanks for such inspiring and evocative reflections. So many thoughts spring to mind!

The first is what motivates a client to engage in coaching. If someone has been 'sent' for coaching rather than choosing it more freely, the coach can introduce and demonstrate curiosity by asking, say, ''How is it that we are here?', 'What would make this a worthwhile experience for you?'

The second is the place of metaphor in evoking curiosity. It can be powerful to invite the client to say what metaphor best describes their experience in the here-and-now and, at times, to enact it as a way of exploration. Using the raft example, it would be interesting to see who, from their point of view, owns the raft, whose journey it is on, what is enabling or preventing it from moving etc.

I love your comment about being on the raft and the shore at the same time, demonstrating that is it possible to find solid ground within ourselves whilst being at sea. I shared it with a friend just now who is working through some difficult mental health issues. She said she found that very hope-inspiring.

With thanks again, Cath - much appreciated. All the best.

Nick

11/1/2016 10:07:09 am

Hi Nick, I came to coaching through my background in person centred therapy. I was taught that we are duty bound to hold hope for our clients, hence the need to practice the duality of 'here AND there'.

My relationship with curiosity is pretty simplistic; I pay attention to where it does and doesn't exist within my clients and myself. Rather than attempting to generate it, I follow and support it to unfold. I trust that where it is lacking is as significant for the clients process as where it is evident. A lack of curiosity can imply tender ground which needs to be approached at the clients pace. Their lack of curiosity piques my interest...

11/1/2016 10:09:57 am

Hi Cath. More fascinating comments - thank you! I love the idea of 'hope for our clients' and how lack of curiosity 'piques your interest'. It reminds me of when we may encounter resistance in a client, or in ourselves with the client. Noticing the resistance rather than attempting to generate or resolve it can be a powerful and releasing intervention itself. All the best and thanks again. Nick

12/1/2016 10:01:46 am

You've got it Nick. I'm a stickler for how, when we profoundly meet someone in their own process, this supports, validates and strengthens the innate wisdom of their process. Sometimes less is more. I'm basically a stubborn mule who hates to be directed which really informs my coaching methodology.

Katy Steinkamp

10/1/2016 02:43:22 pm

Perfect for me AND my supervision group. I am a 25 year practicing Gestalt therapist . I trained with the best at GTILA with Gary Yontef, PhD and Lynn Jacobs PhD. I also became a trainer with the Institute. I love the study and use of Relational Gestalt. I have attended trainings all over the world with the best practitioners and teachers! Gestalt informs how I live my life. I look forward to your blogs.

Thanks Nick!

10/1/2016 02:44:47 pm

Hi Katy. Thanks for your kind and encouraging feedback. It sounds like you have great experience. I'd love to hear more about what you do and how you do it. With warm good wishes. Nick

Missy Rose

10/1/2016 02:46:57 pm

I like your post. My Mom who was a teacher taught me about using this type of method especially when helping those with attention problems..... So I also use the theory of active engagement in my interactions with team members... It is a great post.

10/1/2016 02:47:56 pm

Thanks Missy! Would love to hear more about what your mother taught you and how you use it with team members... All the best. Nick

Gloria Vidal

12/1/2016 05:29:18 pm

This resonated with me in a number of ways. I’ve recognised that when I initially learn something new, I want to follow the set path. I continue to learn and appreciate, that the power of the emergence process for the participants/client is so much more rewarding for them.

13/1/2016 10:26:03 am

Hi Gloria. Thanks for sharing such honest reflections. In following the set path, it sounds like it may be about building on what you have discovered 'works'. In some situations, it could also be about managing anxiety - e.g. how to handle a potential loss of control? I would be interested to hear more about your experiences of working with emergence - what you did and what you noticed in yourself and in the participants/client? With best wishes. Nick

12/1/2016 05:30:58 pm

I wanted to ask you permission to share your blog with the network of trainers/facilitators at Christian Aid?

13/1/2016 10:22:40 am

Hi Gloria. Yes - please do use it. I would love to hear how people in the Christian Aid network respond to it. All the best. Nick

Bryan Fagan

13/1/2016 10:15:23 am

Really like the imagery that Nick refers to and the concept of joining the client on the raft is very appealing ( I will use that metaphor...thanks Nick) As a trainer and a coach, rather than a psychotherapist/counsellor, I am a little more hesitant about the free form group work; not that I don't think that that level of freedom and fun wouldn't spark something very positive but more because when training, I have the responsibility to achieve formal learning outcomes and when coaching, to make sure the session has some agreed action plan. (of course my reservation might be also/more about my own issues, perhaps needing to feel in control!) but Nick's conversation has reminded me of how useful the 4 D cycle of Appreciative Enquiry is, and prompted me to consider facilitating a discovery, dream design and destiny session with a particular team or with a coachee. As I am about to deliver some coaching training to a group this stimulus has been very timely...thanks again Nick

13/1/2016 10:21:03 am

Hi Bryan. Thanks for the encouraging feedback and for such thoughtful comments. I can understand the challenge you pose when working with pre-determined learning outcomes. I guess the questions I may pose to a group in that situation could include: (a) what are we here to do? and (b) how shall we do this? That helps to focus the group's work and allows scope for the group to influence how best to tackle it. I too enjoy working with Appreciative Inquiry. I'm reading a book by that title at the moment and have written a summary briefing from it. If you would be interested to receive a copy, send me your email address. I would love to hear more, too, of how you use AI with training groups and individual coachees - how you do it and what you notice when you use it. All the best. Nick

Ian Reid

13/1/2016 11:59:44 am

Nice post and comments. I do believe Nick that, as talking professionals, we should hold our own knowledge and intuition lightly. I recoil a bit at "you need to" statements - yet how often do clients come asking for packaged solutions? I am convinced that Client curiosity, wonder, and process are key to them formulating, acting, and embedding their own solutions. We're, at best, their thought partners. I often look back at the best training I've experienced, supported by theory, yet not led by it. Instead, simply a journey of discovery where the specific outcome is uncertain, and the encounters give all the information and direction that is needed. The tough bit is putting this in to a client's corporate "results driven" frame commercially. I love the "raft" and will nab that, if I may, too.

13/1/2016 12:04:25 pm

Hi Ian and thanks for such astute comments. I recognise what you mean about 'you need to' statements and how to find a suitable and valuable way of working with clients who are looking for packaged solutions. I try to approach this by negotiating and contracting from the outset: 'What are we here to do?' and 'How shall we do this?' It helps to manage goals, roles and expectations. Glad to hear that the raft metaphor resonates! All the best. Nick

13/1/2016 07:20:11 pm

Ian, isn't it great when we are facilitated in a way which is open to whatever needs to emerge? Likewise I love it when I can place my course outline under my seat and simply run with facilitating whatever has emerged during check in. Folks provide so much 'juice' - even when it's the manifestation of their dependancy upon others to fix their predicament. In my book that's as relevant a place to start as any.

Sanjoli Chimni Pande

14/1/2016 11:30:49 am

I find that following some basic tenets towards building an environment of safety & trust, followed by asking thought provoking open ended questions contributes well to enhancing engagement & cultivating curiosity.

14/1/2016 11:33:45 am

Hi Sanjoli and thanks for the note. Yes, safety and trust can enable people to become more curious and take greater risks. I like the way you link curiosity and engagement. A curious client or group is more likely to engage than a not-curious one. All the best. Nick

Jerry Rothstein

18/1/2016 10:05:15 am

Seeing the client as lost and helpless says more about the practitioner than the client. Dialogue occurs between people at the same level, not top dog/underdog.

18/1/2016 10:07:29 am

Hi Jerry. Yes, the coach needs to be aware of what he or she is projecting on or evoking in the client. This is where coaching supervision can be very useful. 'At the same level' resonates well with 'wondering together'. All the best. Nick

Jeanne Schulze

29/1/2016 09:42:04 pm

Getting curious minimizes judgment and leads to co-creation. We are in this together, not on separate islands.

29/1/2016 09:42:53 pm

Well said, Jeanne. All the best. Nick

Peter James Hill

15/2/2016 07:01:08 pm

I love the imagery in this post, particularly the first paragraph. It vividly reminds me of that cathartic moment early in my practice when I realised I had to let go of my 'need' to understand the problem for the solution to become clearer for my client.

15/2/2016 07:02:21 pm

I love the way you expressed that, Peter. All the best. Nick