As a young child, a Filipina living in the jungle threw a bucket down a deep well to collect water, but forgot to let go of it. She fell down the well, almost drowned and was rescued at the last minute by her father. He had happened to pass by and was surprised to see that both she and the bucket had vanished. A short while later, this same girl was climbing a guava tree to collect its fruit. Hanging upside-down with her feet around a branch, she parted the leaves and, to her horror, came face to face with a deadly cobra. This time, she did let go, fell and hit the ground hard. It saved her life. The principle here is to know when to let go. In English, we use to ‘let go’ metaphorically to mean to make a break with the past. It’s as if by letting go, we release ourselves psychologically to move on. (It’s sometimes used euphemistically to mean to make someone redundant – but that isn’t the way in which I’m using it here). It can also mean to relax our metaphorical grip in the present moment. In this sense, it’s the opposite of to grab, hold on tightly or seek to control. It’s about learning to relax, trust, flow and breathe – and, for me, to pray – then to see who or what emerges, new, into view. Are you holding onto, e.g. a person, home, job, role, income, plan, structure or way of doing things, that's stifling what’s truly possible? How easy do you find it to let go? How do you enable others to do so too?
42 Comments
Paul
16/7/2020 03:10:27 pm
Letting go of old paradigms Nick is so simple because it is just a matter of will or in your example of a Filipina, a matter of instinct. Yet it might be difficult in a different perspective as it deviates from one person's comfort zone. Based on my work experience, no matter how important your career is in your life, when everything else becomes toxic in your workplace, letting go and leaving everything up to God is still the best option.
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Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:16:35 pm
Thanks Paul. Yes indeed. At times, I have stayed too long in a toxic situation, and only really become aware of it in retrospect. On that theme, you reminded me of this short related piece that you may find interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/challenging-conversations
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Clau Garciah
16/7/2020 06:08:44 pm
It is so liberating to let go!! Is that FAITH on something or somebody way more powerful than us, that won't let us down. It's not so easy for me to let go, but I'm getting better at it... I like it, Nick, thank you very much.
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Nick Wright
16/7/2020 10:15:37 pm
Thank you, Clau, for such an honest response. Yes, there can be real joy and freedom in letting go, in stepping out in faith and, in Richard Marshall's words, 'taking a risk and finding ourselves supported'. At the same time, I too sometimes find it difficult, or I am unwilling, to let go. It's sometimes far easier said than done, especially if e.g. a person, job or situation really matters to us. I too am learning to trust God and not to cling on, say, when it would be unhealthy, limiting or damaging to do so.
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On Life's Journey
16/7/2020 06:09:28 pm
Thanks for sharing. It is important to know that sometimes the best course of action is to let go. Have a great day!
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Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:25:30 pm
Thank you, On Life's Journey. I guess there is wisdom in knowing when to let go, and when to hold on. You have a great day too!
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Carol Kauffman PhD PCC
16/7/2020 06:10:18 pm
Very good.
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Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:26:01 pm
Thank you, Carol.
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Lars Fielder
16/7/2020 06:19:59 pm
Let go, if something is bad for me, it is usually easy.
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Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:30:18 pm
Hi Lars. Yes, letting go is a lot easier if it's something we want to do. It can be a lot harder if we don't. This is where support from others can be helpful and important. I like your insight about 'rearrange'. Letting go is often part of a wider transition experience. On that theme, you may find this short related piece resonates? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/lost
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Lana Wildman
16/7/2020 11:53:08 pm
It's easier for me to let go than to maintain well when things get hard. I've got my word for the year above my desk PERSIST and a couple weeks ago I had to stick a note on it "Are you going to quit again?" when I realized I'd stopped persisting. Maybe this time I'm learning what to pay attention to as far as cues that it's important enough to hang on. Nick, your wisdom resonates with me-thank you. May I share my newsletter with you? https://towardthepromise.substack.com/
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Nick Wright
16/7/2020 11:57:19 pm
Thank you too, Lana, for such an honest response. What you described is a great counter-point to ‘let go.’ There are times and situations to let go, and times and situations to hold on - and wisdom in knowing which to choose!
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Devora Gila Berkowitz
17/7/2020 11:50:13 am
Wow, Nick, this is such a great post. I believe this is the #1 key to life, from a spiritual perspective, How the Divine/Higher Power creates a relationship with us. We plan, God laughs... when we let go that's when the magic happens... possibilities open up and flow in from a greater Source!
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Nick Wright
17/7/2020 11:56:26 am
Thank you, Devora. That has certainly been true in much of my life and work experience as a follower of Jesus. It's a tricky one, sometimes. When to let go...and when to press ahead: a question of wisdom and discernment in the spiritual life. On this note, you may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/pause
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Devora Gila Berkowitz
19/7/2020 10:48:51 pm
Nick, Space and Pace. Awesome concept. Thank you!
Nick Wright
19/7/2020 10:50:05 pm
Thanks Devora. You’re welcome. 😃
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
17/7/2020 12:35:58 pm
I guess there is wisdom in knowing when to 'let go' and when to 'hang on'
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Nick Wright
17/7/2020 12:37:25 pm
Hi Stella. You reminded me of a good friend, Nikki Eastwood, who uses the expression: 'Sometimes you just have to note it...and move on.'
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Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
17/7/2020 12:45:41 pm
I really like that Nick - there is a time for scratching one's head and 'analysing' and other times....no....
Nick Wright
17/7/2020 12:51:00 pm
Thanks Stella. Your experience this morning sounds like a great 'Gestalt' moment!
Sylvia LeRahl
17/7/2020 02:38:26 pm
Loved the read, Nick!
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Nick Wright
17/7/2020 02:39:42 pm
Thanks Sylvia. 😃
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Ravi Raman
22/7/2020 10:13:29 pm
Letting Go is Good provided we know what are we letting go when & where particularly for WHAT.
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Nick Wright
22/7/2020 10:14:09 pm
Hi Ravi. Indeed. Do you have any examples from experience you could share here?
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Ravi Raman
23/7/2020 09:00:17 am
Sure why not??
Nick Wright
23/7/2020 09:04:09 am
Hi Ravi. Your reflections remind me of these simple yet profound words of Rose Eliud: 'The past only exists in the memory. The future only exists in the imagination. The only true reality is now.'
Ravi Raman
23/7/2020 09:59:18 am
Wow. Profound. Thanks.
Nick Wright
23/7/2020 09:59:43 am
Thanks Ravi. I thought so too!
Yuvarajah Thiagarajah
23/7/2020 09:06:03 am
We all learn values in school and religious places but when we hit the real world as adults, we forget why - survival? I find it easy to let go, more so when you realize that no matter what or how hard you try it's does not work. I have retired for good and let go of trying to "enable" or influence others in management and leadership, specifically with training and coaching. The best is to let people taste the fruits of their labour. Some learn from the mistakes of others, whilst others want to feel it. So let them be.
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Nick Wright
23/7/2020 09:57:49 am
Thank you, Yuvarajah. I found your reflections interesting, challenging and thought-provoking. I'm aware of how my own faith and culture influence my outlook and stance in the world. I instinctively lean towards a desire for influence, for impact, to make a positive difference for good. I have written some short reflections on this theme in light of my own learning and experiences. I would be interested to hear what you think! Here are some examples:
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Yuvarajah Thiagarajah
25/7/2020 07:41:46 pm
Very poignant and interesting insights, indeed. Thanks. Visualize a career transition from a highly focused and disciplined military to corporate HR in a country that's cultured on institutionalized racism, sanctioned by the constitution. There is hardly room for meritocracy and you are reminded of your political affiliation and ethnic limitation. I have been championing and propagating on values and principles in my crusade to turnaround leadership mindsets in the organisations that hired me to do one - change people. I must say, I won a few battles but lost the war. Eventually, I let go of some and, in few instances, they "let me go" !!!. Attitudes and perspectives are so crucial in living out the values we learned, more so when it clashes in a collective context within culture. A they say, "one mans' meat is another's poison". So, is right from wrong !!. Cheers and have a great day.
Nick Wright
25/7/2020 07:48:06 pm
Thank you, Yuvarajah. I was really struck by your words: 'I won a few battles but lost the war.' That resonated profoundly with a number of my own life experiences too. On the whole, I am still glad that I tried to fight those battles, even if only to satisfy my own need for integrity and to know that, at least, I tried.
Gurjeet Sekhon,CEC,CLC.
23/7/2020 06:08:18 pm
Very nice.
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Nick Wright
23/7/2020 06:08:42 pm
Thank you, Gurjeet.
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Angela Ruebling
24/7/2020 10:57:03 pm
Hello Nick, I think a lot of people are in desperate need of this right now. I see so many people not facing things even myself. When now is the most excellent time to do this!
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Nick Wright
24/7/2020 10:58:24 pm
Thank you, Angela, for such an affirming and honest response. I'm curious. What, in your experience, are the things that people are not facing..?
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Priya Thomas
28/7/2020 12:52:44 pm
This is interesting!
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Nick Wright
28/7/2020 12:54:01 pm
Thank you, Priya. 😃
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Melita Delos Reyes
6/8/2020 10:50:50 am
Nice article Nick, thank you. I was hooked when you mentioned "Filipina". 🙂
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Nick Wright
6/8/2020 10:52:26 am
Thank you, Melita! Here's another piece I wrote about the same Filipina that may be of interest? http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html
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Minal Jobanputra
17/9/2020 11:49:40 am
Good read...thank you.
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Nick Wright
17/9/2020 11:50:14 am
Hi Minal and thank you for your encouraging feedback!
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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