NICK WRIGHT
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact

Let go

16/7/2020

42 Comments

 
Picture

As a young child, a Filipina living in the jungle threw a bucket down a deep well to collect water, but forgot to let go of it. She fell down the well, almost drowned and was rescued at the last minute by her father. He had happened to pass by and was surprised to see that both she and the bucket had vanished. A short while later, this same girl was climbing a guava tree to collect its fruit. Hanging upside-down with her feet around a branch, she parted the leaves and, to her horror, came face to face with a deadly cobra. This time, she did let go, fell and hit the ground hard. It saved her life.

The principle here is to know when to let go. In English, we use to ‘let go’ metaphorically to mean to make a break with the past. It’s as if by letting go, we release ourselves psychologically to move on. (It’s sometimes used euphemistically to mean to make someone redundant – but that isn’t the way in which I’m using it here). It can also mean to relax our metaphorical grip in the present moment. In this sense, it’s the opposite of to grab, hold on tightly or seek to control. It’s about learning to relax, trust, flow and breathe – and, for me, to pray – then to see who or what emerges, new, into view.

Are you holding onto, e.g. a person, home, job, role, income, plan, structure or way of doing things, that's stifling what’s truly possible? How easy do you find it to let go? How do you enable others to do so too?
42 Comments
Paul
16/7/2020 03:10:27 pm

Letting go of old paradigms Nick is so simple because it is just a matter of will or in your example of a Filipina, a matter of instinct. Yet it might be difficult in a different perspective as it deviates from one person's comfort zone. Based on my work experience, no matter how important your career is in your life, when everything else becomes toxic in your workplace, letting go and leaving everything up to God is still the best option.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:16:35 pm

Thanks Paul. Yes indeed. At times, I have stayed too long in a toxic situation, and only really become aware of it in retrospect. On that theme, you reminded me of this short related piece that you may find interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/challenging-conversations

Reply
Clau Garciah
16/7/2020 06:08:44 pm

It is so liberating to let go!! Is that FAITH on something or somebody way more powerful than us, that won't let us down. It's not so easy for me to let go, but I'm getting better at it... I like it, Nick, thank you very much.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/7/2020 10:15:37 pm

Thank you, Clau, for such an honest response. Yes, there can be real joy and freedom in letting go, in stepping out in faith and, in Richard Marshall's words, 'taking a risk and finding ourselves supported'. At the same time, I too sometimes find it difficult, or I am unwilling, to let go. It's sometimes far easier said than done, especially if e.g. a person, job or situation really matters to us. I too am learning to trust God and not to cling on, say, when it would be unhealthy, limiting or damaging to do so.

Reply
On Life's Journey
16/7/2020 06:09:28 pm

Thanks for sharing. It is important to know that sometimes the best course of action is to let go. Have a great day!

Reply
Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:25:30 pm

Thank you, On Life's Journey. I guess there is wisdom in knowing when to let go, and when to hold on. You have a great day too!

Reply
Carol Kauffman PhD PCC
16/7/2020 06:10:18 pm

Very good.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:26:01 pm

Thank you, Carol.

Reply
Lars Fielder
16/7/2020 06:19:59 pm

Let go, if something is bad for me, it is usually easy.
Let go if I don't want it is hard. I don't want it to happen, I'm afraid of it or I'm very sad.
After let go I have to rearrange myself and learn to live without this person, this job, this city, ...

Reply
Nick Wright
16/7/2020 06:30:18 pm

Hi Lars. Yes, letting go is a lot easier if it's something we want to do. It can be a lot harder if we don't. This is where support from others can be helpful and important. I like your insight about 'rearrange'. Letting go is often part of a wider transition experience. On that theme, you may find this short related piece resonates? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/lost

Reply
Lana Wildman
16/7/2020 11:53:08 pm

It's easier for me to let go than to maintain well when things get hard. I've got my word for the year above my desk PERSIST and a couple weeks ago I had to stick a note on it "Are you going to quit again?" when I realized I'd stopped persisting. Maybe this time I'm learning what to pay attention to as far as cues that it's important enough to hang on. Nick, your wisdom resonates with me-thank you. May I share my newsletter with you? https://towardthepromise.substack.com/

Reply
Nick Wright
16/7/2020 11:57:19 pm

Thank you too, Lana, for such an honest response. What you described is a great counter-point to ‘let go.’ There are times and situations to let go, and times and situations to hold on - and wisdom in knowing which to choose!

Reply
Devora Gila Berkowitz
17/7/2020 11:50:13 am

Wow, Nick, this is such a great post. I believe this is the #1 key to life, from a spiritual perspective, How the Divine/Higher Power creates a relationship with us. We plan, God laughs... when we let go that's when the magic happens... possibilities open up and flow in from a greater Source!

Reply
Nick Wright
17/7/2020 11:56:26 am

Thank you, Devora. That has certainly been true in much of my life and work experience as a follower of Jesus. It's a tricky one, sometimes. When to let go...and when to press ahead: a question of wisdom and discernment in the spiritual life. On this note, you may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/pause

Reply
Devora Gila Berkowitz
19/7/2020 10:48:51 pm

Nick, Space and Pace. Awesome concept. Thank you!

Nick Wright
19/7/2020 10:50:05 pm

Thanks Devora. You’re welcome. 😃

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
17/7/2020 12:35:58 pm

I guess there is wisdom in knowing when to 'let go' and when to 'hang on'

Sometimes in conversations I find that if a person is so entrenched in what they are holding on to, it is pointless for me to try and offer my thoughts. There is enormous value in listening and hearing especially when it's uncomfortable.

When I can see that someone is unable to hear me I realise that the best thing for me to do is 'let go.' This gives me peace as I make a decision not to let myself be distracted in a conversation that isn't really going anywhere. Sometimes there is another opportunity....sometimes not.

Reply
Nick Wright
17/7/2020 12:37:25 pm

Hi Stella. You reminded me of a good friend, Nikki Eastwood, who uses the expression: 'Sometimes you just have to note it...and move on.'

Reply
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
17/7/2020 12:45:41 pm

I really like that Nick - there is a time for scratching one's head and 'analysing' and other times....no....

This morning I had a complicated personal conversation which left me unsettled. I then noticed a butterfly on one of the buddleias in my garden and internal peace returned.

Just in turning my head and moving my gaze to something else made a big difference.

Nick Wright
17/7/2020 12:51:00 pm

Thanks Stella. Your experience this morning sounds like a great 'Gestalt' moment!

Sylvia LeRahl
17/7/2020 02:38:26 pm

Loved the read, Nick!

Reply
Nick Wright
17/7/2020 02:39:42 pm

Thanks Sylvia. 😃

Reply
Ravi Raman
22/7/2020 10:13:29 pm

Letting Go is Good provided we know what are we letting go when & where particularly for WHAT.

Reply
Nick Wright
22/7/2020 10:14:09 pm

Hi Ravi. Indeed. Do you have any examples from experience you could share here?

Reply
Ravi Raman
23/7/2020 09:00:17 am

Sure why not??

Letting go of the past is the most sensible thing.

Success according to me is Mind (Software-THINKING) + Body ( Hardware-ACTION). Both Hardware and Software ought to be functional at the same time same place.

As we are designed in a manner that despite our Best of Intentions we can only Rewind our Mind to the Past OR Fast Forward our Mind. We cannot Rewind or Fast Forward our Body ever.

Our Body the Hardware is always in the Present--Today NOW.

The rest is therefore Elementary.

As we are Human Beings we may swing our Mental pendulum Backwards & Forwards by mistake.

Even here if our Memory is directed to the Happy moments of the Past rather than chewing the cud with our unpleasant moments memories We can manage to arrest any possible Permanent damage to our Server-though without any noticeable Success.

The Recall button helps ONLY for Happy memories. The Delete button ALONE is a Sure way to Let Go off the Past forever.

Nick Wright
23/7/2020 09:04:09 am

Hi Ravi. Your reflections remind me of these simple yet profound words of Rose Eliud: 'The past only exists in the memory. The future only exists in the imagination. The only true reality is now.'

Ravi Raman
23/7/2020 09:59:18 am

Wow. Profound. Thanks.

Nick Wright
23/7/2020 09:59:43 am

Thanks Ravi. I thought so too!

Yuvarajah Thiagarajah
23/7/2020 09:06:03 am

We all learn values in school and religious places but when we hit the real world as adults, we forget why - survival? I find it easy to let go, more so when you realize that no matter what or how hard you try it's does not work. I have retired for good and let go of trying to "enable" or influence others in management and leadership, specifically with training and coaching. The best is to let people taste the fruits of their labour. Some learn from the mistakes of others, whilst others want to feel it. So let them be.

Reply
Nick Wright
23/7/2020 09:57:49 am

Thank you, Yuvarajah. I found your reflections interesting, challenging and thought-provoking. I'm aware of how my own faith and culture influence my outlook and stance in the world. I instinctively lean towards a desire for influence, for impact, to make a positive difference for good. I have written some short reflections on this theme in light of my own learning and experiences. I would be interested to hear what you think! Here are some examples:

*Do no harm: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/do-no-harm
*Rescue: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/rescue
*Maybe: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/maybe
*Bubbles: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/bubbles

Reply
Yuvarajah Thiagarajah
25/7/2020 07:41:46 pm

Very poignant and interesting insights, indeed. Thanks. Visualize a career transition from a highly focused and disciplined military to corporate HR in a country that's cultured on institutionalized racism, sanctioned by the constitution. There is hardly room for meritocracy and you are reminded of your political affiliation and ethnic limitation. I have been championing and propagating on values and principles in my crusade to turnaround leadership mindsets in the organisations that hired me to do one - change people. I must say, I won a few battles but lost the war. Eventually, I let go of some and, in few instances, they "let me go" !!!. Attitudes and perspectives are so crucial in living out the values we learned, more so when it clashes in a collective context within culture. A they say, "one mans' meat is another's poison". So, is right from wrong !!. Cheers and have a great day.

Nick Wright
25/7/2020 07:48:06 pm

Thank you, Yuvarajah. I was really struck by your words: 'I won a few battles but lost the war.' That resonated profoundly with a number of my own life experiences too. On the whole, I am still glad that I tried to fight those battles, even if only to satisfy my own need for integrity and to know that, at least, I tried.

Gurjeet Sekhon,CEC,CLC.
23/7/2020 06:08:18 pm

Very nice.

Reply
Nick Wright
23/7/2020 06:08:42 pm

Thank you, Gurjeet.

Reply
Angela Ruebling
24/7/2020 10:57:03 pm

Hello Nick, I think a lot of people are in desperate need of this right now. I see so many people not facing things even myself. When now is the most excellent time to do this!

Reply
Nick Wright
24/7/2020 10:58:24 pm

Thank you, Angela, for such an affirming and honest response. I'm curious. What, in your experience, are the things that people are not facing..?

Reply
Priya Thomas
28/7/2020 12:52:44 pm

This is interesting!

Reply
Nick Wright
28/7/2020 12:54:01 pm

Thank you, Priya. 😃

Reply
Melita Delos Reyes
6/8/2020 10:50:50 am

Nice article Nick, thank you. I was hooked when you mentioned "Filipina". 🙂

Love the principle of knowing when to let go... Move on...

Reply
Nick Wright
6/8/2020 10:52:26 am

Thank you, Melita! Here's another piece I wrote about the same Filipina that may be of interest? http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Reply
Minal Jobanputra
17/9/2020 11:49:40 am

Good read...thank you.

Reply
Nick Wright
17/9/2020 11:50:14 am

Hi Minal and thank you for your encouraging feedback!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

    Picture
    Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
    Subscribe to Blog
    Picture
    Picture


    ​Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Ability
    Accountability
    Achievement
    Act
    Action
    Action Learning
    Activism
    Adaptability
    Adaptive
    Advent
    Adventure
    Africa
    Agency
    Agile
    Ambiguity
    Angle
    Anticipation
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Asia
    Assumption
    Assumptions
    Asylum
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Authority
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Bias
    Bible
    Body Language
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Calling
    Care
    Career
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Change
    Character
    Charity
    Child
    Choice
    Choose
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Clarity
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Commitment
    Communication
    Community
    Compassion
    Competence
    Competencies
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Conflict
    Confluence
    Congruence
    Consciousness
    Construct
    Constructs
    Construe
    Consultancy
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Control
    Conversation
    Corruption
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Credibility
    Crisis
    Critical Consciousness
    Critical Reflection
    Critical Reflective Practice
    Critical Reflexivity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Customers
    Customer Service
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Deferred Gratification
    Definition
    Delusion
    Democracy
    Depression
    Determination
    Development
    Deviance
    Deviant
    Diagnosis
    Disaster
    Discernment
    Disclosure
    Discovery
    Discrimination
    Disruptive
    Dissent
    Dissident
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Diversity
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamics
    Easter
    Ecology
    Edge
    Edi
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Eliciting
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Empowerment
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Environment
    Equality
    Eternity
    Ethics
    Ethiopia
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Evocative
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Facilitation
    Faith
    Fear
    Feedback
    Feeling
    Feminism
    Figure
    Filter
    Fit
    Flashback
    Focus
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freedom
    Freud
    Fun
    Future
    Gender
    Geopolitical
    Geopolitics
    Gestalt
    Global
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Grit
    Ground
    Group
    Guidance
    Healing
    Health
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hero
    Hope
    Human
    Human Givens
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Human Rights
    Humility
    Humour
    Hybrid
    Hypotheses
    Hypothesis
    Icon
    Ideation
    Identity
    Image
    Imagination
    Impact
    Impostor
    Inclusion
    Independence
    Influence
    INGO
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insecurity
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Instinct
    Integrity
    Intention
    Interdependence
    Interference
    International
    Interpretation
    Intimacy
    Introversion
    Intuition
    Invisible
    Jargon
    Jesus
    Journey
    Jungle
    Justice
    Keys
    Knowing
    Knowledge
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Learner
    Learning
    Lesson
    Liberal
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Marathon
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Mindfulness
    Miracle
    Mirroring
    Misfit
    Mission
    Mode
    Morality
    Motivation
    Mystery
    Narrative
    Nazis
    Need
    Negotiation
    Neo-Nazi
    Networking
    News
    New Year
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Online
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Organisation
    Organisation Develoment
    Organisation Development
    Origin
    Pace
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Partnership
    Passion
    Pastoral
    Pattern Matching
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Perseverance
    Personal Constructs
    Personal Leadership
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physicality
    Plan
    Plans
    Plato
    Play
    Plot
    Polarity
    Policy
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Poverty
    Power
    Practice
    Pragmatism
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Preferences
    Prepare
    Presence
    Principles
    Priorities
    Priority
    Privilege
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Process
    Professional
    Progressive
    Projection
    Projects
    Prompt
    Propaganda
    Protection
    Protest
    Providence
    Provocative
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Quality
    Questions
    Race
    Radical
    Rational
    Rationale
    Rationalisation
    Rationality
    Reality
    Reason
    Reasoning
    Reconciliation
    Recruitment
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reflexivity
    Reframing
    Refugee
    Refugees
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resonance
    Resourcefulness
    Responsibility
    Responsive
    Responsiveness
    Revelation
    Reward
    Rights
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Sabbath
    Satire
    Satnav
    Saviour
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Secure Base
    Security
    See
    Selection
    Selective Attention
    Self
    Sense Making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Serendipity
    Servant
    Shadow
    Significance
    Silence
    Sin
    Skills
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Space
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Stealth
    Stereotype
    Stereotypes
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Struggle
    Stuck
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Success
    Suffering
    Supervision
    Support
    Survival
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactical
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teacher
    Teaching
    Team
    Teamwork
    Teenage
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Toys
    Traction
    Trade
    Tradition
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trauma
    Trust
    Truth
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    Vallues
    Value
    Values
    Violence
    Visibility
    Vision
    Voice
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Vulnerable
    Waiting
    War
    Wealth
    Weird
    Wellbeing
    Will
    Willingness
    Window
    Wisdom
    Wonder
    Words
    World
    Worth
    Youth
    Zoom

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact