Light, crispy & spicy

15/7/2016

A coaching conversation can bring to mind the image of a 1-hour, serious conversation. Two people sitting in chairs, facing each other at 135-degrees, one talking, the other leaning forward, listening. The client speaks slowly, thoughtfully. The coach holds eye contact, empathetic expression, nods occasionally. The atmosphere is, well...reflective. Now imagine the same scenario in bright daylight, vivid colour, creative energy, physical movement.

Example: Sarah stood there, told me she was stressed about a forthcoming meeting. She looked tense, slumped shoulders. I said, ‘Stressed’ back and mirrored her posture. I asked, ‘How would you want to be at the meeting?’ Sarah responded, ‘More confident, full of life.’ I replied, ‘Show me – full of life’. She jumped up and down on the spot, grinning and arms waving. I did too. I asked, ‘Do you know what you need to do now?’ She said, ‘Yes.’

Dave was worried about conflict with a colleague. As he spoke about it, I noticed his arm moving as if writing something in thin air. I mirrored the movement, in silence. He looked surprised. ‘What does that mean?’, I asked. Dave looked thoughtful. ‘I take notes when we meet to avoid looking at him.’ ‘What would you be doing if you had a great relationship?’ Dave looked brighter so I asked, ‘Do you know what you need to do?’ He replied, ‘Yes.’

Don’t get me wrong. There is a time and a place for deep, thoughtful conversation. We can’t solve every situation with a simple, quick solution. Yet how far do we fall unquestioningly into patterns of behaviour and practice simply because they feel comfortable, normal and predictable for us? How far do we always insist on a full-course meal when something light, crispy and spicy could be, for the client, refreshing, satisfying, life-giving – and enough?

57 Comments

Sandra Whiles

15/7/2016 08:15:08 pm

Brilliant. Thanks nick. Boldness as a coach can feel a bit scary but usually releases energy and movement.

Nick Wright

15/7/2016 08:39:28 pm

Many thanks, Sandra. I love this brilliant piece by Simon Stafford-Townsend, a Gestalt therapist. It inspires me with confidence when working experimentally: https://lechatdargent.wordpress.com/2011/01/17/experimentation-in-gestalt-therapy/ All the best. Nick

Tania Potter

16/7/2016 01:40:42 pm

Great examples, Nick, of catching it in the moment. Wisdom really is all about the balance and knowing when to use what!

16/7/2016 01:44:20 pm

Thanks Tania. Gestalt has inspired me to to pay particular attention to physical metaphors or gestures and to experiment with them physically rather than conversationally - if the client is willing to do so. The results have often been faster and more dramatic than I or clients had experienced previously. All the best. Nick

Debbie Nichol

16/7/2016 01:45:24 pm

#ORSC is so powerful in full or part.

16/7/2016 01:48:13 pm

Hi Debbie and thanks for the note. Yes, Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC) can act as a good bridge between my own practice in OD and coaching. Do you have any examples from personal experience you would be willing to share to show what it could look like in your own practice? All the best. Nick

19/7/2016 10:32:19 am

Hi Nick, yes ORSC is a powerful tool, approach etc. I apply it for with both teams and individuals. I saw within your examples the importance for a coach to be in touch with signals (of all types). You seemed to home in on the physical signals well; when we enlarge them (as you did), the coachee can see the meaning oh so well. One other point is that I have also applied ORSC for new teams, building a new strategies and wish to define 'their way'. So ORSC and coaching of any kind does not need an environment where concerns, conflict or chaos exist already; such a proactive way to ensure we don't end up in the negatives. All the best Nick

Jim Mondry

16/7/2016 01:49:03 pm

This is well said Nick. Helping our clients embody the transformation they desire is often a powerful technique. We're humans, with the desire to move, and bringing that into the coaching conversation (wisely) can be the difference between an intellectual breakthrough and an emotional breakthrough.

16/7/2016 01:52:03 pm

Thanks Jim. Yes, it can be very different to a more rational-conceptual conversation. I wrote up a case study of using this approach in more depth in this article: http://www.nick-wright.com/just-do-it.html May be of interest? All the best. Nick

Carl Bishop

17/7/2016 10:10:42 am

Now I want Tacos....

17/7/2016 10:12:44 am

Lol, Carl. Me too. I had some surgery last week that means I can't eat solid food for 3 months. That experience - now yearning for something tasty - definitely inspired the title for the blog! :) All the best. Nick

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

17/7/2016 10:46:19 am

Nice one Nick, I love what you're saying here.

Following the body - the physical signals given by our clients - requires us to connect with our own physicality if we're to authentically relate and get a sense of what's happening for them. This brings us out of our cognitive process into a 'felt' sense of our connection to ourselves and others. I love this right brain realm, it's creative and intuitive aspects where we feel, sense, trust and check out. It brings us out of our script into a 'lived experience' of connection and relationship. It can lead to profound explorations of what's really going on for our clients beyond their rational constructs.

17/7/2016 10:57:23 am

Thanks Cath. I love the Gestalt notion of 'contact' - with ourselves, the other person, God, the system/field etc. 'What is the quality of contact?' is such a different question to, 'What are you thinking about?' Physical experimentation can enable us, with the client, to intensify an experience and raise deep awareness and insight by bypassing rational thinking, defence mechanisms etc. I've just been reading this stimulating blog by Simon Stafford-Townsend: http://thebristoltherapist.co.uk/about-gestalt/creative-experimentation/ You may find it interesting too? All the best. Nick

17/7/2016 11:57:26 pm

Hi Nick, thanks for that.
'Safe emergency', that's an interesting concept. I had a few warning bells reading the article. I think it's because I've been a long term student, practitioner and advocate for a person centred approach.

What's coming up for me is a question - how do we support people to address the emergency / identify and go over their 'edges' and ensure that's a safe, client directed process? I'm thinking of the question posed in the article "what would it be like for you to state how angry you are". That brings someone into beginning to connect with their anger in order to imagine their response.

That feels a little manipulative for me when it's with a client who is averse to connecting with their anger. If I was going to support them to move forward in such a quest it would be based on sensing that impetus in them. As such I'd been naming that I was sensing that and how. I think for me that's about as complicated as it gets lol...movement comes simply through naming what is.

Am I making sense? Would love to get your feedback.

Warmly, Cath

Just to add - maybe I'm stuck in a person centred rut!

18/7/2016 11:08:41 am

Thanks, Cath, for posing such challenging reflections. I loved your final comment - it really made me smile. :) I feel a bit cautious about stepping too far into the therapeutic arena because my own studies and professional field are in coaching rather than therapy.

In the Gestalt coaching context, however, I think two important principles are relevant here: that the client is considered resilient enough to engage in the coaching process unless it becomes apparent that they aren't; that any experiment ('safe emergency') that emerges is co-created-with rather than done-to the client.

Incidentally, have you read Zinker's 'Creative Process in Gestalt Therapy'? I love it as a source of inspiration! All the best. Nick

Tariq M Kayes

17/7/2016 11:03:41 am

Evolving insights, years of research & study by coaches creates useful knowledge formation worth sharing. thank you.

17/7/2016 11:05:19 am

Thanks you, Tariq. I think you have expressed well why reflective practice can be so beneficial for a coach. You may find this related blog interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/reflect All the best. Nick

Rachel Weiss

17/7/2016 01:22:23 pm

Yes, paying attention to movements can be very powerful in coaching. Thanks, Nick

17/7/2016 01:23:31 pm

Thanks Rachel. Do you have any examples from personal experience that you would be willing to share? I'm always keen to learn from others! :) All the best. Nick

17/7/2016 11:52:40 pm

Naming what I see eg "Your face changed just now", then the client often explains what was going on for them eg "I felt sad" "I was thinking of my boss" ...... If they don't volunteer, I sometimes follow up with "What was going on for you just then?".

Mirroring their body movement, as you describe above.

"As if" or "Fake it til you make it". One client felt nobody in her office liked her. I asked her to show me how she walks into the office, we both stood up and she walked ahead, face down, shoulder hunched. I asked "How would you walk if you believed they liked you?", she walked head tall, smiling at colleagues. I invited her to spend the next week walking "as if" they liked her, and this resulted in her seeing that some of her colleagues did welcome her.

A Gestalt technique I use is to invite the client to exaggerate a body movement eg how they are when tense, and then relax it. This increases awareness.

17/7/2016 11:54:34 pm

Hi Rachel and many thanks for sharing such a great practical example. I think it demonstrates so well how powerful physical experimentation can be - and how quickly it can achieve results. All the best. Nick

Sue Sanford

17/7/2016 05:52:59 pm

Great stuff Nick, thanks!

17/7/2016 05:53:30 pm

Thanks Sue! All the best. Nick

Agnieszka Kaseja

17/7/2016 09:40:16 pm

Mirroring fully your client - his thoughts, feelings, body language. YES.

17/7/2016 09:41:59 pm

Thanks Agnieszka. Yes, there's something about mirroring in this way that can amplify what the client is experiencing and accelerate the process of awareness-raising and change. All the best. Nick

Zohra Billaud

18/7/2016 11:45:12 am

Thank you Nick, i love this idea of light, crispy and spicy ! Great human coaching.

18/7/2016 11:45:51 am

Many thanks, Zohra! :) All the best. Nick

Jivana Kennedy

18/7/2016 04:27:50 pm

It's only just beginning to soar!

18/7/2016 04:28:37 pm

Sounds great, Jivana! Tell us more! :) All the best. Nick

18/7/2016 06:55:26 pm

I'm writing a book ...'The Involution Revolution'

....All in good time, Nick! :-)

A while back I finally realized that my clients weren't fully able to grasp what I am up to and how I can help them, because I had to give them more background in knowing what I know...

So, a book seemed to me to be the best solution for that, for now.

One of the most challenging and difficult tasks I face in my work, is assisting my clients to see and feel that they aren't their thoughts or beliefs, unfulfilled desires, or anything that happened to them..

They are their energy.

18/7/2016 06:57:07 pm

Hi Jivana. Sounds interesting and exciting! Perhaps a short case example from practice would illustrate the philosophy and approach you have in mind? All the best. Nick

Marshall Friday

18/7/2016 11:12:24 pm

Excellent examples. Any tips or tricks when dealing with remote clients where the face to face is far less frequent? A lot of the coaching happens over the phone, limiting the mirroring you described here.

18/7/2016 11:28:43 pm

Many thanks, Marshall. I think that's a great question. When phone coaching, it's possible to pick up on metaphors that the client uses and to invite the client to draw or enact them in their own physical space. The important point here is that, as coach, I don't need to see their drawing or their enactment. It's about inviting the client to use physicality in this way to raise the client's own awareness. As they do it, I will pose questions such as, 'What are you aware of?', 'What are you noticing', 'If you were to change one thing...?' and, throughout, encourage them to 'do it' rather than simply to think about it or to imagine doing it. There's something about physically doing it that increases the client's contact with their own experience and that's where the greatest shift often occurs. Does that make sense? All the best. Nick

Inbavanan G.

19/7/2016 10:20:40 am

Thanks, Nick! There is a place for doing both - deep reflective conversations and quick, 'on-the-spot' explorations with the Coachee to address a more immediate need. When you are 'Coachee Centric', as a Coach you would address the need of the Coachee, which also provides the Coach a deeper insight to the Coachee. I refer to these as 'critical incidents' and exploring them at an appropriate 'time' and 'context' have proved insightful in my experience.

19/7/2016 10:23:37 am

Hi Inbavanan and thanks for the note. Yes, I agree. As a colleague commented to me yesterday, it takes wisdom for the coach (and client) to decide what is needed in each interaction. I like your emphasis on 'coachee-centric' practice. 'What is in the best interests of the client (...and client system)?' is a very different and, in my view, more important question than, 'What best fits my preferred pattern and style'. All the best. Nick

Sue Porter CPLP/CMEC

19/7/2016 10:25:58 am

I've used short video clips from all kinds of movies, then I break them up into competitive teams with fun little prizes they can win. I have a basket with goodies in it and I have a ticket master. Everyone that makes a guess, tells a description as to why this particular star is this style gets a ticket. For instance, Mel Gibson in Braveheart. I would show the clip. They would have to identify what style he was portraying and exactly what behaviors displayed this style. Of course, you have to know the laws as to how long a video clip can be, but you can do it. Here's another example, I show a clip of Tigger in Winnie the Pooh. Someone raises their hand and says "High I" one ticket and I know he's this style because he's bouncing all over the place as he talks. He sings, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, that's what Tiggers are, he's an extrovert and he's people oriented. ticket. I go to yard sales to pick up videos, I then transfer them to DVD. Feel free to reach out to talk 520-370-4811 Su.

19/7/2016 10:31:33 am

Hi Sue. Those sound like creative ways to engage people in a training context. It's about evoking and engaging the imagination rather than simply discussing ideas or information. You reminded me of a friend in the Philippines who sat through a training course last week that covered important topics but the delivery style felt disengaging and boring. I asked her how she might have approached it differently. She picked up random pieces of fruit in her room and said, 'OK, you have 10 minutes to create a compelling TV commercial based on this piece of fruit. Do it!' It pulls people back into the room mentally, emotionally and physically and can evoke all kinds of awareness, insight and ideas that are unlikely to arise through conversation alone. All the best. Nick

Alex Carter, Ph.D., CCP

19/7/2016 01:57:14 pm

Thanks for this, Nick. I am primarily a phone coach, so I'm very tuned to tones of voice, energy shifts, and metaphor. It can be very helpful to the client to extend the metaphor and see where it goes.

In another case, I had a client who would frequently say, "I don't know, I don't know". I can ask, "what don't you know?" or, as I did recently, simply reply "yes, you do," which jolted the client a bit and allowed her to see that, indeed, she did know.

Thanks again for pointing out that coaching isn't just from the neck up.

19/7/2016 02:06:44 pm

Thanks Alex. Yes, when coaching over the phone we can learn to become even more attuned to what we are hearing, not hearing, silence, use of language, metaphor, tone of voice etc. I like your 'I don't know' example. One of my colleagues poses an interesting response in such situations: 'OK, if you did know, what would you know?' It's amazing how often that simple question raises hitherto hidden insight into awareness. Yes - I agree too: the best coaching definitely isn't just from the neck up...yet how often we frame coaching in terms of 'thinking'. All the best. Nick

Susan Bryan, MA

20/7/2016 03:51:32 am

I love it Nick. A couple of great examples of "doing" it and not just thinking about it.

20/7/2016 03:52:48 am

Thanks Susan! All the best. Nick

Fiona Craig

20/7/2016 01:00:31 pm

Recently I acquired my NLP cert and found four quadrant perspective very helpful for clients. Similar to the Gestalt empty chair. I loved it because I'm kinesthetic. I've found it you can tune in and identify their preferred style i.e. visual, audio etc you can create experiential experiences for your client.

20/7/2016 01:01:31 pm

Thanks Fiona. Sounds fascinating! Do you have any practical examples you could share? All the best. Nick

Gareth Russell

20/7/2016 01:02:36 pm

Thanks for sharing, Nick. I've had some great experiences recently of being mirrored. I found it to be really effective at creating awareness and giving me an access to change my state in that moment.

20/7/2016 01:03:21 pm

Thanks Gareth. That sounds intriguing. Would you be willing to say a bit more..? All the best. Nick

23/7/2016 08:13:47 am

Hi Nick, yes sure (apologies for the slow response. I replied on the train a few days back but just spotted it hasn't updated here).

I know a dynamic coach who has clients embody feelings they're describing. Trying it out myself, I saw a very apologetic looking man with no confidence when talking about a challenge I was experiencing. It really got me present to how I might appear to others. Seeing it was enough to jolt me out of that feeling, and leave me able take on a more empowering belief and posture.

I'm also a client of a mind an body coach who specialises in muscle activation. A couple of times, he has picked up on something I've said and mimicked my tone, stance and energy to highlight it. It's a great 'pattern interrupt' technique. Being present to it from then onwards gives me an access to choose language, feelings and/or posture differently.

23/7/2016 08:20:09 am

Hi Gareth (welcome back!) and thanks for sharing such great examples from personal experience. You reminded me of a technique in Gestalt coaching where the client is invited to create a physical polarity across the room where one end represents one extreme (e.g. supremely confident) and the the other end the other extreme (e.g. absolutely crushed in confidence). The client then enacts postures that embody those feelings and experiences at different points along the polarity. When I use this technique, I enact the postures too - acting as a mirror for the client. The coach enables the client to reflect at each point, e.g. 'What are you aware of?', 'What are you feeling?', 'Where do you want to move towards?', 'Which position feels right for you?' It can be powerful for raising awareness and experimenting with different ways of feeling, being and doing. All the best. Nick

Filao Wilson

20/7/2016 01:04:10 pm

Great post thanks Nick. I intend to start using this today.

20/7/2016 01:05:12 pm

Thanks Filao. Exciting! Let us know how you get on...what you do, what happens? All the best. Nick

Karen Bradley

21/7/2016 11:08:11 am

Thanks Nick - I'm picturing you & Sarah jumping up and down - & I'm smiling.

21/7/2016 11:10:16 am

Thanks Karen - your note made me smile too. :) I remember at the time thinking, 'OK, let's just do this and see what happens'. I had to get past my own inhibitions in the moment...and I'm so glad I did. All the best. Nick

Rossy Galaz Salazar

22/7/2016 05:50:04 pm

Good day all I think definitely that innovation is a fundamental part of our work coaching, each person is an ocean of possibilities and at the same level we must always be willing to improvise based on our experience with each client will be people who need more than a deep look and a warm smile empathizing with her in each our body language, that of a wizened and repeated a thousand times before in situations similares. No speech must stagnate one thing is professional style and a different thing to fall into the routine and lack a genuine interest in assertively advise our customers.

22/7/2016 05:53:09 pm

Hola Rossy and thank you for your note. I think you expressed that very well. I love the idea of each person as 'an ocean of possibilities' and your emphasis on 'improvisation based on our experience with each client'. I agree that it is not about improvisation for its own sake, for the sake of novelty, but in service of the client's development and progress. All the best. Nick

Helen Frick, MBA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

23/7/2016 11:45:35 am

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Great examples and ideas on a different way to coach clients.

23/7/2016 11:48:14 am

You're very welcome, Helen. Thanks for the encouraging feedback! All the best. Nick

Neville Pritchard

26/7/2016 10:53:19 am

Hello Nick - Particularly liked the full meal/light snack example. Agreed!

26/7/2016 10:54:33 am

Thanks Neville. Perhaps it's something about having a range of menu options available. :) All the best. Nick