Look out

5/1/2019

I can’t imagine how it must feel. To rush into darkness in the middle of the night, torrential rain pouring down, seconds later a flood of thick mud crashing through your home, in just moments destroying everything you own and have worked for. This happened to some close friends in the Philippines this week. A typhoon brought widespread and heart-breaking devastation. The poor have no insurance, no savings to fall back on and to recover. I hate that the poor are so vulnerable.

Yet what happened next astonished me even more. Having ensured her parents and children were safe, this Filipina girl hitched a ride into a nearby town, bought bags of warm bread and returned to distribute them to her stunned and shocked neighbours. She then returned to the town to cajole local officials into assembling an emergency response before, finally, setting off to search for a safe and dry room to rent. That was the start of an extraordinary week, entering this New Year 2019.

In the following days, she bought emergency supplies of rice, noodles and other essentials for people living in a nearby jungle village whose homes had been flooded too. They were cut off by a raging, swollen river without food or shelter. She adorned each package carefully in gift wrap so that hearts as well as bodies would be touched and warmed. She then navigated the river, trudged through sodden forest and rice fields and handed over the gifts to astonished, grateful families.

Wow. What a response: this instinct to look out towards others in crisis, to reach out rather than to shrink back, to open up rather than to close down. I reflected on how self-focused I could be, prioritising my own needs over those of my neighbours, paying attention to my own concerns first. I ask what motivates her and she responds simply yet profoundly, ‘It’s what Jesus would do.’ What’s your first instinct in a crisis? Does it evoke self-preservation or radical altruism? What do you do?

42 Comments

Mervyn Murray

5/1/2019 12:45:30 pm

Another thoughtful and thought-provoking post....the action of this woman in a crisis humbles me and my own thoughts and actions in my own “crisis”—which isn’t a crisis by these standards at all. Thanks Nick

Nick Wright

5/1/2019 12:47:10 pm

Thanks for such an honest and personal response, Mervyn. Yes, I feel humbled and challenged by her too. You may find this related short piece - about this same Filipina - interesting?

Alison Donaldson

5/1/2019 12:48:15 pm

Wonderful story, Nick, and perfectly told. Thank you.

5/1/2019 12:48:51 pm

Thank you for such encouraging feedback, Alison.

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)

5/1/2019 12:49:44 pm

Oh Nick you do ask challenging questions - and that's a good thing. Here are my thoughts - I think none of us know how we will respond in a major crisis. We might think that we do and maybe we have a general sense of how we might respond. Nonetheless until we are faced with trauma we can't actually know. Like your friend my resilience is rooted and grounded in my relationship with God. Sometimes we need to 'put on our own oxygen mask' before we help other people and that's okay. I think in a crisis we find that we have depths that we didn't know were there when life was ticking along nicely. My first response in a crisis has been different every time because each situation is different.

5/1/2019 01:16:46 pm

Thanks Stella. I do like your oxygen mask metaphor. Yes, each 'crisis' is different and we sometimes discover that we are more resourceful and resilient than we had imagined we would be. In my experience, a chronic crisis can often be harder to handle over time than a sudden or immediate one. I default all too easily to a self-centred response and often have to make a conscious choice to reach outward. This Filipina appears to be wired in the opposite mode - her first instinct being to reach out with real compassion.

5/1/2019 01:29:26 pm

A few more reflections. Whose crisis? Mine?
A family member or friend? a neighbour? stranger? the world? Again it depends....

5/1/2019 01:35:08 pm

Thanks Stella. We can also say that 'crisis' is a personal and social construct. How we perceive a situation/experience and ourselves in relation to it has a marked impact on how we may respond to it. This girl was incredibly proactive, viewing herself as someone able to take leadership responsibility, take immediate action and make a positive difference - and therefore pursued that stance - in contrast to a more passive response.

5/1/2019 01:36:26 pm

Still thinking Nick....I wonder if our culture has something to do with the way that we respond to crises. I wonder if we live in a community that is vulnerable and poor whether there is more of an inclination and need to depend on one another daily than perhaps if we are in a more individualistic and 'privilged' society where we are called on more to be independent than inter-dependent. I don't know. Your thoughts and that of others would be good to hear. I do know that in my counselling work the culture and origin of my clients and their social and family environment makes a profound difference to how they see themselves as individuals and their needs and what takes precedence - them or others in the extended family/community group. I wonder too thinking about trauma that I have dealt with personally and my expectation of myself and of others (perhaps?) to be strong and 'get on with it' I have to acknowledge that learning to take care of myself and to ask for help has been a very good lesson.

5/1/2019 01:41:40 pm

Hi Stella. I think they are great and important questions. Yes, I believe there are profound connections between individual-community orientated cultures and personal-group resilience. For me, a critical factor in either culture (if we think of them as alternatives) is the ownership and exercise of personal leadership - who takes the initiative and how?

5/1/2019 07:47:14 pm

What an interesting and important conversation you have started Nick. I am in agreement with all you have said. I resonated with your thoughts about 'wiring' because we are all wired by our personal relationships/environment/experience etc particularly in our early developmental years. We learn by the example of other people - how they view us and what they expect of us. We all have a role to play - this may be constructed by ourselves, significant others in the group or other factors. I have heard people say 'I am the troublesome one in the family' 'I am the one who is not wanted' or 'When my father left I had to be the man of the house' or 'My mother couldn't cope when I was little so I looked after my siblings' It would be interesting to know the family history of the girl you wrote about. She certainly seems to have a very strong 'leadership, take care of other people, be practical' way of living and relating which of course is a wonderful blessing to other people. I would also be wondering how she takes care of herself and nurtures herself. In some cultures one is expected to grow up very quickly, particularly when life is hard for all the family.

5/1/2019 07:51:13 pm

Thanks for sharing such deep and interesting reflections, Stella. Yes, I'm sure that early experiences, roles, scripts etc. have a profound influence on implicit beliefs, values and stances in the here-and-now.

Jonathan Chase

5/1/2019 01:19:05 pm

Pre plan and avoid as much as possible being in that position?

5/1/2019 01:22:06 pm

Hi Jonathan. That sounds like the ideal...although the poor tend to have far fewer choices available to them. Interestingly, this Filipina is part of a disaster risk council in a different part of the Philippines and this may well have helped prepare her to lead such a fast and useful response.

Bob Larcher

5/1/2019 01:24:26 pm

Interesting. I remember being coached by a Zen monk many years ago and he said, "remember, a fireman's job is not to die". I like to think that my instinct would be to help others, but there are probably also times when you need to "help yourself" such that you can carry on "helping others"
In terms of "pre-planning", there are undoubtedly elements from Mental Toughness that can help people to stay focussed, confident and in control in a crisis situation.

Here's something I published on LinkedIn about leading in a crisis: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141120145307-2919261-leading-in-a-crisis-drive/

5/1/2019 01:27:48 pm

Hi Bob. Yes, 'help yourself so that you can carry on helping others' resonates well with Stella's oxygen mask metaphor (above). I agree, we are able to develop our personal resilience and preparedness in advance so that we are more likely to be successful, or at least less debilitated, should such a disaster/crisis strike.

Mum

5/1/2019 08:17:15 pm

Nobody seems to have wondered how Jasmine was able to afford to provide help to others.

5/1/2019 10:41:36 pm

Hi Mum. That’s a good question. Jasmin was able to draw on funds provided by a group of Christian motorcyclists in the UK. Amazingly, they had sent the funds in advance to support Jasmin with plans to run a Christmas event for poor children in the jungle village. Little did they know how events would unfold and how critical those resources would turn out to be!

Brenda Kwan

5/1/2019 10:43:51 pm

I've been reading the above interesting conversation that's been sparked. When I read the questions you posed at the end of your article, I started also thinking about day-to-day life, when there is no local crisis. How much do people look out for each other day-to-day? I admit that I sometimes do wish that people would help me out more without me having to ask them for help. I have even asked for help and not gotten any. When I find that I am focusing on myself (and what I'm not getting), I try to turn the table and ask , how have I helped them, and how might I help them?
It's a comfort to know that someone is looking out for you and has your interest at heart.

5/1/2019 10:47:22 pm

Hi Brenda. You reminded me of the words to a song attributed to Saint Francis: Make Me a Channel of Your Peace. Are you familiar with it?

8/1/2019 09:23:46 am

Nick, I am not familiar with that song, so I looked it up. The lyrics are hopeful and loving. Thanks for sharing. :)

8/1/2019 09:25:31 am

Hi Brenda. You're welcome! :)

Kathrin

5/1/2019 11:31:01 pm

Ich denke, in uns stecken mehr Kraft, Energie und Entschlossenheit als wir denken. Wenn diese Fähigkeiten gebraucht werden, sind sie da. Aber oft sind die Situationen nicht so, dass wir die Fähigkeiten, die in uns liegen, nehmen müssen oder nehmen wollen. Aber ich bin sicher, dass wir uns in einer Notsituation auf sie verlassen können! Und sie in einer Weise einsetzen werden, die nicht nur uns allein helfen wird!

6/1/2019 09:09:30 pm

Hallo Kathrin. Ja, es ist, als ob das, was wir glauben zu können, manchmal durch das begrenzt ist, was wir erlebt haben - oder was wir unter unseren gegenwärtigen Umständen in der Lage sind.

[Hi Kathrin. Yes, it's as if what we believe we are capable of is sometimes limited by what we have experienced - or what we find ourselves capable of in our current circumstances.]

Hemant R. Chalke

6/1/2019 08:25:06 pm

Very touching. i personally feel it is something one is born with. The feeling and urge to help and share from within. i don't think this can be taught. I also feel its about what a person has been doing and what experiences has he or her had as i do see this is something that comes out of leading. I say this because as a leader i guess one has to care for his team, go out of the way if required in whatever way, even financially. Crisis brings out something different in each one of us and we do things we never knew we can. Its learning at its best i guess. Emergencies do bring out the streaks in us we never knew we had.

6/1/2019 08:29:42 pm

Thanks Hemant. I'm not sure if these types of leadership qualities are innate or learned or both...but they are very striking, influencing and impacting when experienced in practice.

Jose Santiago

6/1/2019 08:31:10 pm

Great story and seen it in Africa several times not exactly the same but similar. It shows up in some people and not in others. It's leadership which for me is looking after those you lead, formally or informally and in crisis situations. How to identify it, and develop it is still a challenge, but it can be learned and developed but will take effort and time and have a lot of failures.

6/1/2019 08:33:29 pm

Thanks Jose. I think 'love' is a key characteristic of authentic leadership...yet it is so little talked about in leadership conversations in the UK. We seem more preoccupied with 'rational' competencies.

Karen Foo

6/1/2019 08:35:22 pm

What a great example of servant leadership. Very difficult to put others ahead of your own needs first, truly inspirational.

6/1/2019 08:36:45 pm

Thanks Karen. I agree - and her great example inspires me too! :)

Raja Sonny

6/1/2019 08:38:14 pm

Great Post Nick! As a human species we have tremendous flexibility to go beyond our potential (which we think we don't have). Generally when we are pushed and don't anything other than trying to get out of crisis we come up with ingenious solutions and show remarkable strength. This story amixably highlights that.

6/1/2019 09:01:39 pm

Thanks for your encouraging feedback, Raja. Yes, we sometimes discover resources in challenging situations that we couldn't have imagined in different circumstances.

Thom H. Boehm

6/1/2019 09:02:47 pm

I have lived a fortunate enough life that I do not yet know how I will respond in such a crisis. I would hope that my response would be the right one, but can any of us say for sure, until we find ourselves in those circumstances?

6/1/2019 09:03:15 pm

Hi Thom. That is true for me too.

Helen Green

7/1/2019 04:00:30 pm

An inspirational story thank you for the share. Also a fantastic demonstration of the difference between those who create difference through leadership and those who are content to follow.

7/1/2019 04:01:06 pm

Thanks Helen...and I agree!

Bernard Morris

7/1/2019 04:03:10 pm

This is a great story. Then compare the fact that places like Perth in Western Australia has one of the highest youth suicide rates in the world. I do think we should bring back national service for youth, but not in the armed services. They should be made to work alongside people like your shining example. That would change their perspective and personal definition of a crisis. Thank you.

7/1/2019 04:07:30 pm

Thanks Bernard. I can relate to that. I've had the privilege of working alongside this Filipina girl on a number of occasions - and I often comment to friends that she has saved my life more times than I can count. You may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/whatever9279513

E.G.Sebastian - CPC, CSL

8/1/2019 04:07:30 pm

For some of us comes with experience...
I survived a few small hurricanes - nothing like a major typhoon or tornado, but every year I was less scared of them, till they almost became normal. Also, growing up in a Communist country where you had to be careful what you say and how you behave, as you could get arrested and locked away for about no reason at all... or could get beat in the streets by cops, again for barely any reason (for jaywalking, for example, and saying that no cars were coming at all)... Again, it's nothing like going through major catastrophes, but for us, living under oppressive regimes, it was a real struggle that we had to live with daily, for decades.
We humans are alike cockroaches - oops, scratch that! - I mean, we humans are very adaptive, and if something doesn't kill us, we adapt and survive.

8/1/2019 04:15:33 pm

Hi E.G. You have lived so many lives! :) Your experiences reminded me of aversion therapy, in which we are exposed to increasing levels of challenge and anxiety. At each stage, on facing the challenge and discovering that we - sometimes contrary to our own expectations - survive, we grow in resilience to deal with the next challenge. I'm very curious about which communist country you grew up in. The kind of chronic exposure to stressful environments that you experienced there can sometimes erode our resilience over time. It sounds like you learned to adapt and survive.

Liz Hartley

10/1/2019 03:11:15 pm

Thanks for sharing. I've been thinking a lot about organisational resilience - good to have this reframed into a different context. What an inspiring example of love in action.

10/1/2019 03:12:29 pm

Thanks Liz. I would love to hear more about your thinking on organisational resilience..!

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