Awareness is the key to insight and to change. But how easily we seem able to deceive ourselves. This New Year, I tell myself an imaginary story. It’s so convincing that I actually believe it to be true. I feel sure that I cycled frequently throughout December 2015. I remember the rides vividly and they merge into a filmstrip that depicts almost continuous cycling last month. And, yet, somehow the weigh scales in the bathroom tell me a different story.
So, I’m curious. I wonder if I really cycled as frequently and as far as I’m telling myself I did. I check the sports tracking app and discover that I only went out on the bike half a dozen times for a total of around 8 hours. Not exactly ‘continuous’. The revelation leaves me puzzled and intrigued. It’s as if I noticed when I did cycle…and didn’t notice when I didn’t…then subconsciously extrapolated the did-cycle experiences to create a self-convincing scenario. What we’re talking about here is a sort of dissonance, a contradiction between my perceived reality and my actual experience. And this is fruitful territory for coaches and therapists too. How to work with clients and groups to enable them to explore beliefs, values, constructs, realities and experiences, especially where there are tensions or potential for distortions, in order to create space for new awareness, meaning, choices and actions. A cognitive behavioural approach can be particularly effective here. The coach helps the client to identify limiting beliefs and to examine them, as if holding objects up to the light to see how far the client’s ideas about them correlate with reality. This calls for a willingness and ability to wonder even for a moment, to suspend what we believe we know to be true and to be test alternatives. The result can be a revelation – and a great opportunity for change.
15 Comments
Sarah Saunders (Assoc CIPD)
3/1/2016 09:51:12 pm
Great post!
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Nick Wright
3/1/2016 09:51:45 pm
Thanks Sarah. :)
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Errol Benvie
4/1/2016 09:48:00 am
What you describe, Nick in the last paragraph is more an adult cognitive learning approach. The whole paragraph is all about developing thinking and cognition through disruptive reflection. The noticed behaviors serve only as a stimulus. The future behaviors have yet to be formed. Other stimuli are involved too.
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Nick Wright
4/1/2016 10:00:51 am
Hi Errol and thanks for your insightful comments. Yes, the final paragraph illustrates the cognitive aspect of a broader CB coaching approach. I like your phrase, 'disruptive reflection'.
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Tom Roberts
4/1/2016 02:02:46 pm
Great post.
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Nick Wright
4/1/2016 02:03:20 pm
Thanks Tom.
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Dr Eugene Fernandez
5/1/2016 10:47:49 am
Wonderfully expressed Nick. I like the sense of inquisitiveness and play that your inquiry brings up. It's a means to acknowledge and contain dissonance whilst extending the breadth and scope of your change effort. Learned and practiced skills in Observation and Reflection are the enablers here, it helps to lift and deepen the gaze and to challenge our own operational paradigms.
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Nick Wright
6/1/2016 08:50:43 pm
What wonderful words, Eugene: 'It helps to lift and deepen the gaze'. I love that. Evocative and inspiring. Thanks for your encouraging feedback too. All the best. Nick
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Peter Wiltshire
5/1/2016 10:48:31 am
A very thoughtful post Nick, I especially warm to your observations in the final paragraph, where you suggest a cognitive behavioural approach with regard to identifying limiting beliefs, very helpful strategy.
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Nick Wright
6/1/2016 08:54:05 pm
Thanks for your warm feedback, Peter. Yes, I've found cognitive behavioural approaches to be transformative in such situations. A kind of healthy reality check that shifts awareness, perception and feeling. All the best. Nick
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Missy Rose
5/1/2016 06:55:51 pm
Great post.!
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Nick Wright
6/1/2016 08:54:48 pm
Thanks Missy!
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Navin Kumar
6/1/2016 08:42:56 pm
The narrative or the story holds the key! Many a times conscious efforts prove counter productive. The more we try to show the real picture with an idea of reality check the more resistance it creates.
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Jackie Ruka
15/1/2016 06:27:40 pm
What you bring to someone' consciousness will only work up to the level of their own belief system. So, a coach must go beyond raising awareness and ask questions behind the person being coached their values linked to their belief system, which may be the root of the negative pattern. To change the negative pattern to positive, a homework lesson on core values and changing values toward a healthier belief of one's self forces limiting beliefs to fade out and replace new beliefs into the core of the persons unconscious and conscious mind simply by forming new core values.
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16/3/2018 07:34:36 am
Thank you for another fantastic posting. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such a perfect way of writing? I have a speech next week, and I was looking for more info.
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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