I write, therefore I think. I guess you could call that Descartes for Introverts. A journal editor contacted me this week to invite me to draft an article. The guidelines propose having a clear idea of content and structure from the outset. I get the point, I see the logic, but I’m aware I don’t write like that. I don’t think I even think like that. Often I don’t know what I think, what I want to say, until I start to write. This means that, for me, writing is an exciting adventure of exploration, discovery and promise. It’s as if each word, each sentence, opens the way for what could emerge, what could surprise, what will reveal itself, next.
I sometimes experience a similar phenomenon when I lead, teach, coach, facilitate. In the past, I would prepare…and prepare…so that I would be, well… – prepared. Now I notice I’m more interested in preparing myself. How to be present, curious, open to the person, open to the group, open to God, open to the moment: noticing what is preoccupying my thoughts, how I am feeling emotionally and physically, what is holding my attention, what I’m not noticing, what stories I’m telling myself. It's about learning to risk just one step forward with awareness, intention and belief in what could unfold, what will become, next. This attitude, this stance, is invitational by nature. It reaches out to inquire, share, collaborate and co-create. It’s so different to a defensive, defended posture, trying to hold the ‘other’ or the future at bay to protect and preserve. It’s a willingness to be vulnerable, not-know, let go of control, move out and trust. It’s not easy to sustain this state if work and relationships feel pressured and stressed. It's easy to fall back. Yet it can be a place of great fruitfulness, alive and life-giving. It can be a sacred space where love thrives and where hope is truly transformational. It calls for a leap of faith. Just one step. Next.
67 Comments
Hamish Taylor
16/2/2016 09:13:15 pm
Beautiful! I so identify with the thoughts that you are talking about - when facilitating sessions or in making thought-provoking presentations, I often find myself thinking, "Where did that come from?" and it is all about being in the frame of mind to be inspired by what is happening around you and therefore suddenly you can be inspiring to others... Really strongly appreciate the stream of consciousness you've shared so eloquently above! Regards Hamish.
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Nick Wright
16/2/2016 09:24:12 pm
Many thanks, Hamish. I love the way you express that, 'Where did that come from?' experience. I find that the more curious I am about myself, the people I'm with, where we are and what is happening in the moment, the more insight and inspiration I'm able to feel, notice and offer in my work. When speaking or training, in spite of however much planning and preparation I've done beforehand, I rarely know exactly what I'm going to say or do until I actually stand or open my mouth to speak. There is something about being present in the here and now moment that can feel so energising, so powerful, so alive. There are important parallels and connections here for me with my Christian life and experience - taking leaps of faith, trusting God in the moment: 'Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path.' With thanks again for your kind words of encouragement and inspiration. Nick
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Hamish Taylor
17/2/2016 09:51:57 am
Nick if I may add one more compliment, it would be to those customers who hire me (and indeed others like me) and now know me well enough to trust me to "go with the flow" - I never take that for granted, hence your comments about being "well prepared" and "getting in the right frame of mind" ring so true. It is never about "winging it" or "flying by the seat of your pants" but so much more about "feeling it, living it and in fact being it". Hope this doesn't sound pretentious as I am painfully conscious that it only ever really works in a climate of trust and openness - that takes courage from clients, colleagues and collaborators alike.
Nick Wright
17/2/2016 10:06:33 am
Thanks, Hamish. I think that's a very important distinction you make between being well-prepared, being in the moment and winging it or flying by the seat of your pants. The latter (unless in a crisis) feels disrespectful to our clients, ourselves, the work we are called to do.
Natalia Braun ACC
17/2/2016 10:10:34 am
What a wonderful article! So much reflecting my experience and sensations! Thank you, Nick!
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 10:13:42 am
Thanks for such encouraging feedback, Natalia. I'm pleased it resonated with you too! Your comment reminds me of the profound difference between writing as process and writing as experience. There's something, for me, in the latter that it's easy to miss if we focus too much on words, grammar, structure etc. All the best. Nick
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Keith Lannon
17/2/2016 10:14:33 am
Great post!
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 10:15:01 am
Thanks Keith. All the best. Nick
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Dave Smith
17/2/2016 11:34:04 am
I don't honestly think you *can* create a truly open-ended stance; as a trainer/coach/facilitator/writer you can create the illusion that it's free and open but you know structural constraints else you're in danger of meandering without direction and missing the training objectives.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 11:47:33 am
Hi Dave and thanks for posting such a stimulating challenge.
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Dave Smith
17/2/2016 12:35:30 pm
Trainers should be adaptable, and I feel a key point you're making there is that plenty of "over-preparation" [1] provides you with confidence and flexibility to open and extend into areas you normally wouldn't expect to go. Limiting preparation just down to the bare minimum required narrows down extension opportunities since you'll run the risk of treading ground you'd shy away from.
Ann Todd: pgcert (psych supv),mba,ba (hons)
17/2/2016 11:49:44 am
Being open, curious and effective surely indicate a level of mastery of the topic/modality?
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 11:57:44 am
Hi Ann. Thanks for posting such great questions. I love your inspiring and challenging example of the different music teachers. It reminds me of how often the apparent 'resistance' we encounter can be a response to what we are inadvertently evoking in the other. I love, too, your final comment that, 'he is also curious about the human being that he is working with'. So inspiring! All the best. Nick
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Jasmin
17/2/2016 01:33:34 pm
#MY CONVICTION IS THAT..ARTISTRY AND MASTERY IN THE FIELD OF LIFE DIFFER. ONES MASTER PIECE IS PLAYED PERFECTLY BY THE PIECE MAKER.#IF YOU CANT JIVE WITH THE MUSIC THEN CREAT YOUR OWN MELODY TO DANCE.#I BELIEVED EVERY TRAINOR AND COACHES STIPULATE LEVEL OF UNIQUIENESS SO NO ONE IS AUTHORIZED TO QUESTION THE STRATEGY OF EXPERIENCED BECAUSE WE WALK ON THE BASIS OF LIFES DIAGRAM AND NOT THEORIES ALONE.#LIVE YOUR OWN STANDARD AND FOCUSED YOUR OWN BELT TO IMPOWER YOUR LONG WAY OF ENGAMENT IN YOUR CAREER!!!
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Bob Larcher
17/2/2016 11:51:13 am
I treat every event as something new; there is invariably a programme somewhere but I am a fairly intuitive with how I deal with it.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 12:04:03 pm
Hi Bob and thanks for posting such interesting comments. I like your emphasis on treating every event as something new. Every group, every person in the group, every moment that the group is together, is new, creates opportunity for different configurations of ideas and experiences and for something new to emerge. In my experience, being aware and responsive to the people and potential in the here-and-now can be incredibly fulfilling and powerful. It can also be hard work! I, like you, need space to reflect and recover after working with people and groups in this way. All the best and thanks again for sharing. Nick
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Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns
17/2/2016 12:15:34 pm
Beautiful Nick. Brings to my mind free drawing whilst trying to grasp new concepts and ways of being, allowing what would, to emerge on the paper, opening me up to the emergent...
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 12:17:49 pm
Thanks Cath. You are a great encourager! Yes, I imagine there are resonances with free drawing (which I haven't yet tried) and emergence. I'm tempted to invite you to post examples of your free drawing... ;) All the best. Nick
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Kieron Heath
17/2/2016 12:18:51 pm
I think you can bring openness into the framework of your objectives, whether it's writing or training. This allows for the organic evolution of your course, style, and output.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 12:22:17 pm
Thanks Keith. Yes, I agree. I've noticed in my own training practice that the more I've prepared and, at the same time, held content, structure etc. lightly, the more I've been able to move, flow and adapt it to the needs, interests and energy of the group. This highlights the need I have to prepare myself so that I enter and stay in that space - as well as I'm able - whilst working with the group. Does that resonate with your experience too? All the best. Nick
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Priya Ramesh
17/2/2016 12:28:23 pm
Beautiful! Inspiring!
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 12:29:03 pm
Thanks for such warm and encouraging feedback, Priya. All the best. Nick
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Jasmin
17/2/2016 01:53:26 pm
17/2/2016 05:33:34
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 02:16:32 pm
Hi Jasmin. Thanks for sharing your words of inspiration. I really like, 'If you can't jive with the music, then create your own melody to dance.' There's something there for me about a spirit of freedom, creativity and improvisation. With best wishes. Nick
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Parry Aftab
17/2/2016 02:12:22 pm
I love your writing. It's a conversation that draws the readers in.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 02:13:12 pm
Thank you for such warm words of encouragement, Parry. Much appreciated. With best wishes. Nick
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Jackie LeFevre
17/2/2016 04:18:43 pm
Glorious intuitive stuff Nick and I'm with Hamish Taylor on the 'whoa where did that come from' side of creativity. So, just to be devil's advocate a little....is it possible that you now produce fantastic stuff following your flow either partly or even largely because you worked so hard at preparation in earlier days: almost as if you invested systematically in intellectual resources and muscle resulting in you now being able to enjoy it all coming together?? Now you know me I would never diminish the importance of noticing emotion and energy and going with the spirit, but I do think that people like you and Hamish have put in the graft in earlier days to be able to function like this - it doesn't just come out of the blue.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 04:26:39 pm
Hi Jackie and thanks for your provocative question. Yes, I agree with what you are proposing. I guess that's how I understand intuition (inspired by Eugene Sadler-Smith's work in this area) - a kind of mysterious-feeling insight that emerges from years of subconsciously-processed learning and experience. That resonates well, I think, with the examples from Carl Jung and Bruce Lee that I mentioned in my response to Hamish. For me, there is a spiritual dynamic too. I can't find language to explain it well but I do sometimes have a sense of 'knowing' in the moment that feels beyond myself rather than from within myself, from the client or from the situation we are working in and with. I had a go at articulating this in a previous blog: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/listening-for-a-voice. I'd be interested to hear if anything in it resonates for you too? All the best. Nick
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Hamish Taylor
17/2/2016 04:41:05 pm
Jackie, interesting stuff and insightful question. For sure, I avidly read up about new clients and/or new situations and I am forever grateful for Enron and the Sarbanes-Oxley laws that mean companies have to publish more information than ever before. Equally I spend a lot of time (while travelling) reading about on new thinking around leadership and creativity and I collect "stuff" and I have a few "go to models" that I find have versatility and agility. However there is still a hefty chunk of creative opportunism. Elsewhere on here I recently posted an anecdote of learning from an old boss - WC COOL = We Can Create Our Own Luck and I think that there is a chunky element of truth in your 'harvesting the graft' observation.
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Billy Quigg
17/2/2016 05:41:56 pm
Can't see you doing anything wrong Nick.......unless you start to strategize it.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 05:46:14 pm
Thanks Billy. Your comment reminded me of one of Winston Churchill's advisers (I forget the name) during World War 2: 'Organisation is the enemy of improvisation'. All the best. Nick
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Jeffery Marsh JP
17/2/2016 06:30:17 pm
A wonderful, thoughtful piece.
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Nick Wright
17/2/2016 06:32:12 pm
Thanks for your heart warming feedback, Jeffery. Pleased it resonates with your experience of writing too. I'm not familiar with marketing 'New Speak'. I'm intrigued - what is it? All the best Nick
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E.G.Sebastian (CPC, CSL)
18/2/2016 09:42:24 am
Great thought-flow, Nick - I mean, beautiful writing! Even when I'm in "the zone," I don't think I can express myself so beautifully :)
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Nick Wright
18/2/2016 09:45:37 am
Thanks E.G. - that is encouraging feedback indeed from an author! :) All the best. Nick
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Fenny Ang
18/2/2016 09:43:33 am
Beautifully expressed Nick...it is giving permission to ourselves to not know it all but to trust the creative and yes, messy process of thinking, feeling, sitting in the spaces of our vulnerabilities and write. Nice. Thank you!
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Nick Wright
18/2/2016 09:52:21 am
Thanks Fenny. I think you expressed that beautifully too. I've discovered parallels in so many aspects of my life. I've shifted my stance in life, coaching and even cycling from thinking and planning (perhaps too much thinking and planning!) to taking the first step - sometimes literally...and reflecting from there. I saw a great quotation from Hugh Laurie on Twitter this week that captured this so well: 'It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no-one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally-speaking, now is as good a time as any.' I love that! All the best. Nick
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Kathryn MacNeill CIPD
18/2/2016 09:53:39 am
Such an admirable perspective, definitely to be imitated if we are to be truly engaging as trainers and facilitators.
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Nick Wright
18/2/2016 09:55:09 am
Hi Kathryn and thanks for your affirming feedback. Yes, I think its something about the transition from transactional to transformational, if that makes sense! All the best. Nick
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Tania Potter
18/2/2016 10:11:09 am
Hi Nick. I have noticed what you described happening more and more in my coaching. Part of it is the confidence that has come from experience gained over the last few years, but basically it is from trusting myself more. I used to prepare so much as a way to almost manage the 'anxiety' from a lack of confidence. Even in public speaking, I prepare much less. I know what I want to say but 'm much more present, open and curious about the group or individual dynamic. For me personally, it has been a trust building exercise. The more I trust my inner balance, the less controlling I am and the more I allow things to unfold.
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Nick Wright
18/2/2016 10:20:20 am
Hi Tania. Everything you wrote resonates very well with my experience too. We can expend quite a lot of time and energy managing our own anxiety and, paradoxically, this can become an interference in our relationships and practice. It takes trust to step out to stay open to what may emerge.
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Ian Henderson
18/2/2016 04:38:16 pm
For me it's linked to being true to who you are and all about you. We lost a client because we wouldn't agree to work to their constraints that would have meant being in a certain place in the training at 10.12 and 1.43 etc. They said we were too 'free spirit' for them. Their delegates said we were different and they liked the flexibility!
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Nick Wright
18/2/2016 04:41:49 pm
Hi Ian and thanks for the note. So interesting. It makes me wonder: (a) what culturally was driving their need for that degree of detail and prescriptiveness and (b) whose need was that level of control serving, especially since the delegates said they liked it. I'm curious. When you say, 'We lost a client...', who made the break? Sounds wise that you stuck to who you are to be true to yourself. All the best. Nick
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Lani Refiti
19/2/2016 10:34:49 am
Very eloquently put Nick. I liken it to sitting with a client suspending my agenda and being open to what emerges in the contact. It is often mysterious but exciting. As Lao Tzu puts it in the first verse of the Tao Te Ching
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Nick Wright
19/2/2016 10:38:00 am
Thanks Lani. I really like your way of expressing that: '...being open to what emerges in the contact...is often mysterious but exciting.' It reminds me of a Gestalt approach. The quotation from Tao Te Ching sounds mysterious and profound too. Thank you for sharing. All the best. Nick
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Gill Parkin
19/2/2016 11:52:04 am
Yes, I can get overly focused on being prepared rather than "preparing myself" - thanks for posting that!
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Nick Wright
19/2/2016 11:53:51 am
Thanks for your honest response, Gill. I always have to remind myself to do it! All the best. Nick
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Chatique Dhanormchitphong
19/2/2016 08:09:38 pm
Beautifully written! It can be difficult to be open in a world that likes certainty. I'm reading the book 'The Intuitive Edge' to become more of a vessel...your words really resonate. Reminds me of the deadline conundrum - some how inspiration tends to come right on time...How have you decided to respond to the guidelines?
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Nick Wright
19/2/2016 08:10:15 pm
Hi Chatique and thanks for your kind and affirming feedback. Yes, being open and responsive to the moment can feel counterintuitive in cultures where planning, design and a quest for certainty are valued as the norm. Thank you for mentioning The Intuitive Edge. I haven't seen that book before but just had a glance online and it looks interesting.
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Isabel Finch
20/2/2016 08:01:13 pm
Interesting stuff :) Internal preparation primary to external preparation. I Wonder if being an 'good' leader or facilitator of spaces is about helping others internally prepare - which in a way is a kind of self-trust/faith exercise. Writing as solidifying thinking perhaps...
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Nick Wright
20/2/2016 08:03:44 pm
Hi Isabel. I think that's an interesting point about helping others internally prepare. Perhaps what we do is model, invite and facilitate something that supports others' preparations: to think what they need to think, be who they need to be and do what they need to do? All the best. Nick
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Sonia Uttamchandani
22/2/2016 03:43:43 pm
Agree!
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Nick Wright
22/2/2016 03:44:25 pm
Thanks Sonia! All the best. Nick
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Philip Badley
24/2/2016 09:43:54 am
Hi Nick, this resonates with me too. I write occasional articles for a journal and find myself waiting for the moment that instinctively feels right to put fingers to keyboard and then I am in flow. I am also reminded of the term unconditional positive regard from my psychologically based coach training that I remind myself of at time when I might be hearing 'self talk ' when interacting with others in daily life. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to reflect.
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Nick Wright
24/2/2016 09:49:26 am
Hi Philip and thanks for the note. I can very much relate to that sense of waiting for the moment that instinctively feels right. In other situations where timescales may be tight, I will have a vague idea in mind and start to write from where I am in that moment...trusting that what I need to say will emerge as I write.
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Funmi Johnson
29/2/2016 05:46:41 pm
I like the idea of allowing things to unfold. I must confess that i do follow an outline when i am writing. However, i do 'carry' my thoughts around in my head for some time before i put anything on paper.
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Nick Wright
29/2/2016 05:51:15 pm
Hi Funmi and thanks for the note. One of my colleagues once remarked that, in general, people with an introverted preference often write as a process of discovery whereas people with an extroverted preference often write to record what has already been discovered. In other words, introverts are more likely to think on paper; extroverts are more likely to think out loud in conversation and write it down afterwards. What do you think? All the best. Nick
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Funmi Johnson
6/3/2016 07:40:22 pm
I'd say introverted definitely. 2/3/2016 09:47:34 am
Hi Nick, It felt good to read your blog about writing this morning, as I have increasingly adopted "writing as exploration" myself. I find "free writing" really useful, but also noticing what thoughts float into my mind in the intervals between bouts of writing (I don't mean to make writing sound like a disease!). Yet that's not what I was trained to do in my early career. I spent three years as a communications specialist with McKinsey & Company in the 1980s and I fully bought in to the notion that logical structure is everything. I still find structure important, especially when putting forward a case for something. But it's so much more fun to use writing to discover, and the result is probably more interesting to read. Are you familiar with Verlyn Klinkenborg's "Several short sentences about writing"?
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Nick Wright
6/3/2016 07:47:17 pm
Hi Alison and thanks for sharing such honest reflections. I too was 'trained' through formal studies to prepare essay plans, research plans etc. and to present writing in a methodical, systematic way. That is still a useful discipline for some aspects of my work etc. It sounds similar to your experience too. I have to say that, even in those situations, I often write first and try to impose some sort of notional structure on what I've written afterwards to ensure it makes some sense (I hope!) to the reader. I'm much more aware these days of working as discovery and more trusting that, as I begin to write, something will emerge. I haven't heard or read Klinkenborg's piece that you mention but I'll Google it now! All the best. Nick
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Si Fletcher
7/3/2016 10:10:29 pm
Hi, I've recently started to keep a reflective log of my coaching and mentoring activities - I've never really liked writing (much prefer to read - all the hard work has already been done) and I've realized over the last few days, that this is something I should have done years ago. I also was an over prepare'r :) but have come to find, through my journal and through the self focus it almost forces on you, a flow in my coaching sessions that have allowed them to become far more effective (well that's what my coachees say:).
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Nick Wright
7/3/2016 10:14:28 pm
Hi Si. Sounds like a great example of the benefits of reflective journaling, enabling you to find a new sense of flow in your practice. Good that your coachees are noticing the difference too! All the best. Nick
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Paula Baptista
9/3/2016 09:17:06 am
I found that it takes a long time to find it within and takes courage, patience, determination and true passion to keep the focus in the centre. When we allow it to ourselves its truly excellent!
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Nick Wright
9/3/2016 09:18:46 am
Hi Paula and thanks for the note. Sounds like you have experienced that sense of flow too? All the best. Nick
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Karin Andela
12/3/2016 11:50:26 am
Being instead of doing; a challenge indeed.
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Nick Wright
12/3/2016 11:52:21 am
Hi Karin and thanks for the note. I think, for me, it's something about being and doing - a synergy and harmony - that feels different somehow to one or the other. What do you think? All the best. Nick
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25/10/2016 09:04:42 pm
شكرا لكم اصدقائي على الموضوع الاكثر من رائع جيد جدا واصلوا
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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