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Out of the building

5/11/2022

42 Comments

 
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‘To lead real change, it’s not enough to think outside of the box. We need to think outside of the building.’ (Rosabeth Moss Kanter)

Picture this.

I’m in a coaching conversation with Anna, a client who feels stressed. She describes it as being like trapped inside a box, with no way out; where the box is her organisation, her job, the role she’s in now. The narrative she’s telling herself is that she has no possibility to escape from the debilitating pressure she’s experiencing. Her scope of authority to influence change is too constrained and she’s expected to deliver against targets that feel impossible. She feels totally helpless and hopeless. I acknowledge and empathise with how Anna is feeling, then ask if she’d be interested to explore potential options that could be available to her. At first, she pushes back, as if instinctively. ‘I don’t have any options – that is the problem’. I ask, inquisitively, to test the boundary a bit: ‘You could leave?’ ‘I can’t leave’, she replies, immediately and forcefully, ‘I have a mortgage to pay’. ‘So, the mortgage is part of the box?’, I ask. ‘Hmm. I guess it is’, she replies, more thoughtfully this time.

‘What if you weren’t to pay the mortgage?’, I ask. She looks bemused. ‘It would mean I’d lose the house, of course’, she snaps. ‘And, if you lost the house?’ ‘That would be terrible’, she replies, ‘It’s my dream home.’ ‘So, the dream home is, perhaps, part of the box?’ I ask. Anna goes quiet. After a while, she looks up and responds, ‘I don’t want to lose my home.’ ‘So: it’s as if, to keep your dream home, you feel that you have no option but to stay in your current job to pay your mortgage?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Imagine now, for a moment, dismantling or breaking out of the box that you feel trapped in. If you were to imagine a spectrum of options, ranging from the status quo to what you might think of as a most extreme solution (the ‘nuclear option’), what might they be?’ Anna picks up a piece of paper and a pen and starts to write. ‘At the extreme end, I could sell the house and downsize to a cheaper house or location, then I could get try to get a less expensive mortgage, but I don’t want to do that.’

‘At the other end, I could stay as I am and just accept that the frustration in my job is a price worth paying to keep the house that I love.’ ‘And..?’, I ask. ‘I guess I could apply for another job.’ ‘Say more?’ ‘Well, I could look at other jobs in my organisation.’ ‘Yet the organisation sounds like it may be part of the box too? What if you were to think outside of the box altogether?’ ‘True. I could look at job opportunities elsewhere, or even at a change of career that would feel more fun and fulfilling!’ ‘So, there are, perhaps, some options that could feel in tension for you? The house…or a career that could feel more fun and fulfilling? Which stands out as most important for you?’ ‘I hadn’t thought about it, but if I could find something I really love doing, I might just be willing to consider moving house to do it. Perhaps I’m allowing my attachment to the house to box me in.’ Suddenly, I see a lightbulb moment flash in her eyes. ‘Eeek…’ she says, ‘Perhaps the house is the box!’ Breakthrough.

Anna has left the building.

[See also: Boxes; Deconstructing the box; and Lateral instinct]
42 Comments
Janet Rogers
5/11/2022 03:08:40 pm

Wow Nick, I can so relate to Anna in this account! I feel stuck at a dead end in my own job too. I think I've been limiting my options without realising it.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 03:13:06 pm

Hi Janet and thank you for such an honest response! I find it useful - and usually with someone else than trying to do it on my own - to ask myself e.g. (a) what assumptions I'm making in a situation and (b) what values they are touching upon.

On that theme, you may find this short related piece interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots

Reply
Pamela Marsh
5/11/2022 03:16:32 pm

Hi Nick. I think it's interesting how you helped Anna to step back from the immediate issue (stress in her job) to the bigger picture. How did you do that?

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 03:23:49 pm

Thank you, Pamela. If the client appears stuck within a specific frame of reference, I may try to enable them to zoom out and see who or what else comes into view when they do so. In that sense, it has some parallels with, say, moving from operational to systemic or strategic thinking.

On that theme, these short pieces may be of interest?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/micro-macro
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/developing-strategic-thinking

Reply
Paul Maddock
5/11/2022 03:25:44 pm

Hello Nick. I like how you helped the client to think about what's most important to her in her life. It had a subtle existential feel to it!

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 03:29:40 pm

Thank you, Paul. Yes, my sense was that Anna had become trapped in her own thinking vis a vis what she was experiencing at work. We could have stayed in that arena if she had wanted to. However, by opening out the conversation to explore wider existential issues such as her hopes, fears, aspirations and values, it enabled her to reframe the issue for herself.

On that topic, you may find these related short pieces resonate too?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/existential-coaching
https://www.nick-wright.com/sense-of-destiny.html

Reply
John Beckett
5/11/2022 03:35:04 pm

Hi Nick. It's an interesting case study. However, by suggesting she could leave her job, you took her off down a track that led her away from her job situation to think about different issues to those that she had raised with you. Is that ethical as a coach?

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 03:42:06 pm

Thank you, John. I think that's a great question and an important one too. Ethics-wise, I had contracted with Anna beforehand in terms of (a) What are we here to do? and (b) How shall we do this? We had agreed a focus, a way to approach the conversation and what kind of 'disruptive' interventions I might make as coach to stretch and open-out her thinking, as she was aware of feeling and being decidedly stuck.

On the 'disrupt' theme, you may find this short related piece interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/disruptive-influence

Reply
Ti Ne
5/11/2022 03:43:45 pm

Very good blog, Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 03:44:13 pm

Thank you for your encouraging feedback, Ti Ne.

Reply
Ti Ne
5/11/2022 09:42:19 pm

Nick, I am also stuck in a box and scared to make the changes I know I need to make, largely because of age.

Nick Wright
5/11/2022 09:43:22 pm

Hi Ti Ne. That sounds like a hard place to be in. Let me know if you'd like to talk it through sometime?

Steph Dalton
5/11/2022 03:50:36 pm

When I read the stories in your blogs, Nick, I can almost see the people you are writing about! Thank you for writing to vividly and for using real examples that bring coaching principles to life.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:01:52 pm

Hi Steph - and thank you for such affirming feedback!

Reply
Hans Vogel
5/11/2022 04:05:10 pm

Nick Wright. I don't like this. You ask always too much questions. If the answer is clear tell Anna what do to.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:08:14 pm

Hi Hans. Yes, questions are a key part of coaching. It's about enabling a person to make their own sense of a situation, and to discover or create their own solutions. On that topic, you may find this short piece interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/im-not-you

Reply
Louise Winter
5/11/2022 04:06:20 pm

Hi Nick, at first glance I can't imagine some steps in life. I shy away from thinking about certain decisions, or I don't see those possibilities. With the help of conversations with friends or people who see the situation from the outside, I become aware of some options. I then have to take the next steps alone, trusting in God. For me it was a conscious decision to quit my job without knowing where my path would lead me. It was the best I could do.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:13:52 pm

Thank you, Louise - and for sharing from personal experience. What you have described so well here is one of the reasons why many people (including me) find coaching so powerful and helpful. It can enable us to develop a greater sense of insight and agency in the midst of challenging relationships and situations. I like your stance: to 'trust in God'. Amen to that!!

Reply
Andrea Clark
5/11/2022 04:15:25 pm

I have to ask, Nick. Did Anna get a new job? Did she sell the house?!

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:16:53 pm

Hi Andrea. That's OK. I would be intrigued to know the answers to those questions too! :)

Reply
Ernesto Gonzales
5/11/2022 04:20:53 pm

Sir Nick, I also want explore with Anna who else affected by her decisions and how!

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:23:38 pm

Hi Sir Ernesto. I think that's a great question and could bring broader personal and cultural values, norms and expectations into the frame. On that theme, this short related piece may be of interest?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/cross-cultural-coaching

Reply
Cecile Laurent
5/11/2022 04:34:56 pm

Nick. I think you helped this woman to find more choices in her life. Before she could not imagine them. Now she had new decisions to make for herself.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:46:43 pm

Hi Cecile. Yes, I believe that enabling choice and enhancing agency are core dimensions of coaching practice. I have written a few short pieces on that topic that you may find interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choice
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choose
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choice-point
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/agent-of-change

Reply
Clark Manson
5/11/2022 04:50:36 pm

Hey Nick. Where do you get these great questions and insights from? I'm new to coaching. Are there books of good questions that coaches can memorize?!

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 04:56:39 pm

Hi Clark. You made me smile. :) Welcome to the world of coaching! There are books on using questions effectively in coaching (a good example being Dorothy Strachan's 'Making Questions Work', 2009).

In my own work, I try to apply three principles: prayer, presence, participation. It means I focus my attention on the client (more than on the questions) and trust my intuition as questions then surface into awareness for me.

I sometimes imagine this as listening for a voice - or, more precisely, for four voices. This short piece on that theme may be of interest? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/listening-for-a-voice7104449

Reply
Phyllis Watson
5/11/2022 09:47:43 pm

Hi Nick. I love this story. It's illustrative of the same type of problems that many of my own clients present. A question for me as a coach: how to motivate people who see a solution but aren't willing to take hold of it?

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 09:57:19 pm

Thank you, Phyllis. That's a good question. I don't know if I can motivate another person to choose a course of action. Having said that, I can work with a person to help them tap into their own beliefs, values and motivations. Does that make sense?

If a person appears unwilling to take hold of what they regard as a solution to the issue they are facing, I would reflect that back to them as an observation and invite them to explore that further with me, if that's something they would find useful to do.

In my experience, there can be many different reasons why a person may be hesitant or unwilling to take action. I explore some of these in these related short pieces that may be of interest? Let me know what you think!

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/willing-and-able-or-not
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/get-a-grip
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/true-grit
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/procrastination
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/ambivalence

Reply
Daniel Waterman
5/11/2022 10:03:25 pm

Hello Nick. Your coaching sounds quite directive. You asked questions that led the conversation in a direction that, presumably, you believed the client would find helpful. What if, with a less directive approach, the client had taken the conversation in a different direction? I prefer to use clean coaching.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 10:16:22 pm

Hi Daniel - and thank you for posting such an insightful and fair challenge. I tend to use different approaches with different clients, or with the same clients in different situations, depending on how we contract to work together. This sometimes means offering the client a suite of coaching options, from which they can choose what roles and approaches we are to use.

In this case example, Anna had asked me to take a high challenge stance to help her break out of her trapped thinking. We could have used more of a clean language approach and, as you rightly say, it could have opened up different avenues, insights and solutions. Exploring the 'box' metaphor Anna that had used is consistent with clean coaching and did prove fruitful for her.

(On the issue of different coaching styles and approaches, this short related piece may be of interest? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/what-does-coaching-look-like)

Reply
Evelyn
5/11/2022 10:49:28 pm

Let's get real Nick! Your blog is totally unrealistic and, if I'm honest, typical of a man's view of the world. What if Anna has children midway through classes at a local school, or fail elderly parents nearby for whom she's the sole carer, of if she comes from a culture where women have little or no autonomy in decision making? What then? All you are doing is raising hopes, possibilities and expectations in Anna's mind that she probably has no chance at all to realise.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 11:23:24 pm

Hi Evelyn - and thank you for the thoughtful challenge. I can feel your exasperation!

I agree entirely that there will be all kinds of considerations that a person will need and do well to take into account when making a decision. I may frame this at the exploratory stage of coaching with a client as 'options and implications', or 'choices and consequences'.

This does not by any means negate the reality of making choices. It does, however, mean that some choices will e.g. be far harder to make than others; be (say) more realistic and achievable in one timeframe rather than in another; or require agreement or support from others to fulfil.

On the related issue of agency, you may find this short piece interesting? It touches on some of the important issues you have raised too:

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/agent-of-change

Reply
Andrew Hall
5/11/2022 11:05:36 pm

Hi Nick. I really like that quotation from Rosabeth Moss Kanter. It's so hard to think outside our own thinking.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 11:11:23 pm

Thank you, Andrew. I agree. I think that's where coaching and action learning can prove so valuable, especially if we are willing to expose ourselves to people and practitioners who come from radically different perspectives and experiences to our own. On that theme, you may find these short related pieces interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/dissonance
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/from-resources-to-resourcefulness

Reply
Daniel Wong 黃達瑜
17/11/2022 08:01:46 pm

Thank you for sharing this at this time. I feel there is some divine timing.

The organisation's downsizing leads to former staff needing to downsize their home due to mortgage payments and potential changes in these payments with the pending inflation-fighting interest hikes.

One needs to re-think their needs and wants, as well as what they are "attached" to.

The role of the coach at this time is to guide them in this search (discovery?) to move forward.

Reply
Nick Wright
17/11/2022 08:08:32 pm

Thank you, Daniel. 'We need to re-think our needs and wants, as well as what we are "attached" to' - well said, and I agree. It reminds me of the proverb: 'Necessity is the mother of invention.' The difficult part can be how to do it, and this is where I agree that skilful coaching can help. On that theme, these short related pieces may be of interest?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/boxes
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/deconstructing-the-box
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/dissonance

Reply
Daniel Wong 黃達瑜
17/11/2022 10:53:40 pm

Thank you for sharing additional information.

Nick Wright
17/11/2022 10:54:25 pm

Hi Daniel. You’re welcome. 🙏

Ricky Powell
18/11/2022 05:51:33 pm

Well done, Nick!

Reply
Nick Wright
18/11/2022 05:52:03 pm

Thanks Ricky! :)

Reply
Alex
2/12/2022 11:47:39 pm

Thanks Nick
I enjoyed the compassion and provocation in you conversation with her. Such simple (in the ‘uncomplicated’ sense) and profound questions. And in my view, that’s exactly what useful coaching can be about .
The whole ‘box’ analogy reminded me of George Kelly’s ( the originator of Personal Construct Psychology, and Constructive Alternativism) remark that ‘nobody needs to paint themselves into a corner’. In other words, there are always alternative constructions of things. The problem is that most of us are like Anna and don’t notice the corners we’ve painted ourselves into!

Nick Wright
3/12/2022 10:39:55 am

Thank you, Alex. Yes, in my experience, simple prompts are often those that the coaching client finds most useful. Claire Pedrick, whom I worked with for a couple of years, has some great insights and ideas on that front in her excellent book, Simplifying Coaching (2020).

I like your reflections from George Kelly. They reminded me of some similar insights in Gareth Morgan's brilliantly insightful work, Images of Organisation (2006), who talks in one place about how 'people have a knack for getting trapped in webs of their own creation.'

(In case of interest, I draw on some of his insights and apply them to critical reflexivity in this short related piece: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots)




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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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