No, not platypus – that’s a duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed, egg-laying aquatic creature native to Australia. ‘Don’t worry – be happy.’ Now, that’s a platitude. It’s a superficial cliché that rolls too easily off the tongue, without thinking, and presents itself as truth. It’s the kind of thing you may well hear from well-meaning, secure, content-with-life people; yet lacks empathy, depth or genuine appreciation of a person, situation or struggle. Now you may already be thinking, ‘I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.’ Oops. Ding! Platitude. Here’s the thing: I’m not you; I might not worry about it if I were you; you might worry about it too if you were me. Furthermore, I’m a human being, not a robot. I don’t have an on-off switch for worry, or for happiness, although I sometimes wish I did. A platitude creates the sense of saying something useful…without actually saying something useful. So, what’s the antidote? How can I avoid inadvertently slipping into platitude-speak? 1: Listen. Don’t speak. Zip it. Resist the temptation to fill the space, to apply a fix without having heard. 2: Empathise. Feel the feeling, the emotional tone, the tremor, the resonance that lays behind the words. 3: Understand. ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘What do you need?’ Great questions, powerful reach. 4: Offer. Share your wisdom – if called for. Make it real.
22 Comments
Alex Walter
19/11/2020 10:56:43 pm
So wahr! Ich hasse die Wörter : "Das wird schon." oder "Das schaffst du schon!"
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Nick Wright
20/11/2020 01:37:46 pm
Danke, Alex. Ja, ich auch. Plattitüden fühlen sich wie billige Kommentare an - simpel und völlig anders als echtes Einfühlungsvermögen, Engagement oder Begegnung.
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Sue Palmer-Conn
17/12/2020 12:54:12 pm
Great post. Great way for people to remember too.
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Nick Wright
17/12/2020 12:55:09 pm
Hi Sue - and thank you for the encouraging feedback!
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Zareen Cave
17/12/2020 06:38:30 pm
This is great. Thanks for sharing Nick!
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Nick Wright
17/12/2020 06:39:32 pm
Thanks Zareen. You’re welcome. 😃
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Vivienne Elliott
17/12/2020 10:38:22 pm
This is so funny and true. Get okay with silence. People need some time to think and process. Zip it...
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Nick Wright
17/12/2020 10:48:30 pm
Thanks Vivienne! Yes, as the Bible says: there’s a time to hold silence and a time to speak. And great wisdom in knowing the difference.
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Dr. Elaine Rose
18/12/2020 08:15:57 am
Nick, you have presented some excellent information for each of us to heed. Platitudes are easy, but rarely sincere or meaningful.
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Nick Wright
18/12/2020 08:17:32 am
Hi Elaine. Thank you for such affirming feedback!
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Donna Read
19/12/2020 08:45:06 pm
Absolutely love this!
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Nick Wright
19/12/2020 08:45:42 pm
Thanks Donna! 😃
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Donna Read
20/12/2020 02:47:24 pm
Nick, welcome... had to save it to my phone as it really hit the spot. Thoughtful, and well constructed.
Nick Wright
20/12/2020 02:48:01 pm
Wow, Donna - that's praise indeed!
Donna Reid
20/12/2020 06:06:33 pm
Welcome after hearing the news yesterday about tiers for covid it hit the spot.
Nick Wright
20/12/2020 06:09:20 pm
Thanks Donna. I wrote a provocation in response to the first UK lockdown. Let me know what you think?! https://www.nick-wright.com/clash-of-realities.html
Donna Read
21/12/2020 01:28:04 pm
Wow...that brought tears to my eyes. I guess if there was a window onto the world we would get to see this. But sadly due to closed eyes and corruption it has made sure that this level of hardship has never been expelled. There is a lot of hidden debt/struggle ...much of this is unseen/unidentified and no support...thank you so much for sharing, Nick. Again a beautifully written, constructed and allows the reader to think "outside the box".
Nick Wright
21/12/2020 01:32:20 pm
Thank you for such kind feedback, Donna. If you are interested to read a bit more about the amazing Filipina who features at the end of that piece, have a glance at: https://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html
Vicky Kapatos
20/12/2020 04:16:46 am
Thanks for sharing
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Nick Wright
20/12/2020 04:19:36 am
Thanks Vicky. You’re welcome. ‘Invalidation’ is an interesting way to describe the impact of platitudes. It’s certainly how it can feel to receive them!
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E.G. (Ervin) Sebastian - CPC, CSL
23/12/2020 04:31:45 pm
🎼🎵🎶 Don't you worry, about a thing... 'cause every little thing, gonna be all right... don't you worry, about a thing.... 🎵🎶🎵
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Nick Wright
23/12/2020 04:32:24 pm
Wow, Erv. What a terrible, shocking and painful experience to go through. :( I don't have any words that could come even close to making it feel OK. I've heard people say that 'Time heals all things', but it's usually said by people who haven't known severe trauma in their own lives. In my experience, some deep wounds never heal. We may find ways to live with the pain...and sometimes find others who are willing to hold us lovingly and patiently as we go through it too. Big hugs to you and your wife from the UK. I wish I could do more...
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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