Posture

20/7/2016

I woke this morning with an image of a person in a wheelchair in mind. Next, a flashback to social services many years ago. We were trained there to crouch or kneel when speaking with a person in a wheel chair, not to stand over them. It was about showing empathy, respect, meeting the person as a person, not ‘looking down on’ – in both literal and metaphorical senses. It reflected profound humanistic values of social work and community development philosophy and practice.

It’s only a short step from there for me to images of Jesus: God meeting us where we are, kneeling down to wash his disciples’ feet. I worked with a Christian organisation where the CEO, Gordon Holloway, made it his personal mission to know every one of its 1,700 employees, scattered throughout the UK, by name. He would spend time e.g. on reception, simply to experience how life and work were for ordinary staff. He modeled humility and servant leadership beautifully.

But what does this all mean for leadership, OD and coaching in our own contexts? How are we, in practice, to marry up worthy ideals like this in the midst of the very real competitive environments, complex situations, tight budgets and tough decisions we face? Should we not focus more on efficiency and pragmatics than ethics, do whatever it takes to get the job done? Is the luxury of ‘meeting people as people’ a great ethic but one we cannot really afford to indulge in?

Kimsey-House’s Co-Active Leadership and Arbinger’s Leadership and Self-Deception pose a deeper question: what kind of people, relationships and organisations do we want to be? If, e.g. I’m managing or coaching you vis a vis your performance, whose attitude and ‘performance’ do I need to pay attention to first? If I take a stance alongside you, don’t stand over you, what difference does that make to how we feel, who we become, what we achieve – and what becomes possible..?

53 Comments

Tariq M Kayes

21/7/2016 01:55:13 pm

Physiology awareness . superb post!

Nick Wright

21/7/2016 01:56:32 pm

Thanks Tariq! Yes, I think there can be something symbolic and transformational about paying attention to our posture - physically and metaphorically - when working with people. All the best. Nick

David Noer

21/7/2016 06:58:00 pm

Nick, you have highlighted one of – if not the primary – differentiating factor between a traditional management consultant and an OD practitioner. Engaging in what Peter Vaill describes as a unique “phenomenological” client relationship that emphasizes mutual discovery and diagnosis and seeing the other as a unique person, not an extension of our pre-conceived theories and methods, is what authentic practitioners do.

21/7/2016 07:04:19 pm

Thanks David. Yes, I think you expressed that well. I believe that, in OD, every action is an intervention. That means that who I am, how I presence and conduct myself, whatever posture or stance I adopt, has its impact as well as any strategies or formal activities I may pursue. At the heart of this, it's fundamentally about being with, doing with, rather than doing to. This makes OD a profoundly phenomenological and collaborative venture, co-active in its fullest sense. All the best. Nick

Thor L. Legvold

21/7/2016 11:50:21 pm

I think this is the core of it - *doing with* rather than *doing to*. Very well said. Value driven management has proven time and time again to be well aligned with shareholder goals, and we model our own values and attitudes in every meeting and contact with the client. I.e. the client picks up on what we do, not what we say we do.

21/7/2016 11:53:33 pm

Thanks Thor. Yes, it's amazing how much we or, in the case you mention, the client pick up intuitively in spite of what words we use or actions we take. It means that we do well to be clear and honest about our beliefs, values and intentions - not least with ourselves - from the very outset. All the best. Nick

Robert Hodge

22/7/2016 12:02:47 am

I was asked to facilitate/coach a group in Russia of Americans, Brits, and Russians to work better as a team. Having no clue of the group or its dynamics and short time, they had to work through it by themselves with some coaching. I brought slide whistles for their small group discussions and skits that demonstrated issues rather than listing them , introducing the whistles by a poor attempt at playing Moscow Nights. After making a real fool of myself, a rough guy from Azerbaijan took me to the airport. He said that he expected another American to bring "wool", telling him what he needed to do. Instead, "you brought silk" . I think that is the nicest affirmation of coaching I have ever received. Meeting people where they are is foundational to true engagement.

22/7/2016 12:08:00 am

Hi Robert and thanks for sharing such a great and honest personal example of engaging with a complex group, of being-with rather than standing-over. I love your willingness to 'make a real fool of yourself' and how it sounds like that enabled people to relate to you as a real human being. Silk rather than wool sounds like a wonderful compliment! :) All the best. Nick

Cath Norris, MA, BA, Dip Couns

22/7/2016 09:45:05 am

I've always been pretty stroppy Nick! What I mean by that is I want to find my own way, feel my own feelings, figure out my own take on things. I work best alongside folks who can co-create rather than dictate. So I was drawn straight off towards people, models, practices which really value autonomy, inner authority, innate wisdom and processes which support folks to trust all of that and be more themselves. My stance is to value all of that in me, be as profoundly present in myself as I can be and use that awareness and lucidity to know you, who you are, how you are, meet and cherish that divine, beautiful, unique you and let you simply show up.

22/7/2016 09:50:28 am

Thanks for such an honest response, Cath! As I read your words, it felt like I was reading my own life story too. Since childhood, I have always struggled with any kind of leadership or style that I have experienced as overly-directive, controlling or oppressive. Unfortunately, this meant my parents and some teachers had a bit of a rough time... On the flip side, it is the same instinct that drew me into human rights work, community development etc. and has profoundly influenced my leadership, OD and coaching ethos, outlook and approach. Working-with as people, as equals, not from a position of hierarchy or power, is an important core value for me. All the best. Nick

22/7/2016 11:37:16 am

Lol Nick sounds like it was a good job that our parents and teachers never got together and ganged up on us! My school report aged 7 said 'Catherine will not be told'! They must have been pulling their hair out.

So many similarities eh? Like yourself I also worked in rights based work and community development.

Have a good one Nick :)

22/7/2016 11:41:51 am

Thanks Cath. That made me smile. One of my previous line-managers once remarked, 'Nick is unmanageable.' Interestingly, he saw pluses and minuses in that. On the one hand, he was unable to control me - which could feel difficult for him. On the other hand, he found me innovative - which was good for him. So I guess it's useful to think about these qualities, attitudes etc. holistically. A guru once told me: 'Don't try to change your 'negative' attributes because, in doing so, you may well inadvertently undermine your greatest strengths'. I found that very releasing. All the best. Nick

Dave Smith

22/7/2016 12:57:23 pm

If ‘meeting people as people’ is unaffordable, then the quality of your training is cheap. Being a trainer is about the student, not about the teacher, and that person delivering training needs to understand that it is THEIR responsibility to find different ways to engage the learner.

I know about the crouch trick - I recall a newspaper article that compared Diana (crouching down to receive a posy of flowers from a young girl) to Fergie (looming over the young individual); admittedly it was Fergie-bashing but it illustrated an important point: bring yourself to their level - be it up or down - to reflect empathy. This is a characteristic explored in Belbin's interaction model (adult/child inequality).

22/7/2016 01:00:17 pm

Thanks Dave. Yes, those contrasting images are so striking. You reminded me of similar images of Diana hugging a person with AIDS when most people were absolutely terrified by it. Strong symbols of humanity, empathy and connection. All the best. Nick

22/7/2016 01:31:26 pm

As someone who will be leading the session, people in the room will look to you as a natural commander, so your posture is important:
• Keep in one place, standing rigid, using the same monotonic cold delivery... people will soon become disengaged and distance themselves from you.
• Stroll around, keep moving, vary body language, encourage and embrace questions, initiate discussions.... people will remain focussed and warm to you.

Turn the lesson into an interesting and engaging session. There's no need for "ice-breakers" nor "energisers", people will naturally feel at ease with you - there's no need for time-wasting gimmicks to break up the training if the content and delivery are naturally interesting.

22/7/2016 01:35:16 pm

Hi Dave. I think that's such an interesting point: 'people in the room will look to you as a natural commander'. I think that really depends on the cultural context. There is a risk that our posture mismatches participant expectations - in which case exploring the contract and nature of the working relationship with the group is so important to avoid misunderstanding and frustration. It's also where I think a trainer's presence, attitude and posture/stance can be, potentially, culturally challenging - and transformational. All the best. Nick

Prabhaker N Thakur

22/7/2016 04:10:08 pm

Great inputs Dave.

You mirror my thoughts and style of delivery.

-- Prabhaker

Jivana Kennedy

22/7/2016 01:26:46 pm

" A guru once told me: 'Don't try to change your 'negative' attributes because, in doing so, you may well inadvertently undermine your greatest strengths'."

IMO, that's the true beauty and advantage of having a guru, over a psychotherapist! :-)!

"Working-with as people, as equals, not from a position of hierarchy or power, is an important core value for me. "

So, Nick, what would you say about Henry Ford's comment....

"If I asked people what they wanted, they'd say "a faster horse' "

As a tantric healer (my version of coaching) many of my clients initially come to see me because they want more and better sex.

But, I know what they really need is more and better self-awareness, emotional intelligence and sexual discernment. If I were like so many of the other 'tantra' teachers out there, I could be making lots more money by helping people have more and (maybe) better sex.

In good conscience, I'd rather help them build a better and more refined vehicle, than have a faster horse..:-). But hey, that just me...

22/7/2016 01:28:27 pm

Hi Jivana. Wow - your work suddenly sounds so much more interesting than mine!! ;) I'm puzzled by your question about Henry Ford's comment. What's the question behind the question..? All the best. Nick

22/7/2016 02:14:53 pm

Hi Nick,

I guess the question arises out of what I've seen as comments on coaching threads, or....my interpretations thereof...

That seem to say .....

"Find out what the client wants, and help them get that'.

IOW, 'a faster horse'

22/7/2016 02:18:56 pm

Hi Jivana. That's certainly a common way of thinking about coaching. If I understood you correctly, you appeared to be contrasting it with my statement: 'working-with as people, as equals, not from a position of hierarchy or power, is an important core value for me.' Am I missing something..? Thanks! All the best. Nick

22/7/2016 03:28:20 pm

Well Nick any phrase is 'missing something" I would think. But..that's just life...

I wasn't saying what I did just from reading you, but from reading a fair number of posts on coaching threads.

I too, come to my clients as an 'equal' philosophically. But, I also feel that I have to stand in the place where I own that what I know after studying mind/body consciousness for a couple of decades, may be able to take someone beyond where they think they want to go and what they think they need to have. And that might not appear to be the case immediately, either.

My guru Osho used to say....

"You come to me with all of your problems, but I am cooking something else"

That rascal! :-)

Tuncel Gulsoy

22/7/2016 05:40:01 pm

Beautiful and very inspiring, Nick in our culture touching someone else is not considered as sexual assessment, of course I mean a normal friendly touch, I also suggest you trying these, a physical touch on the shoulder or back may create wonders.

22/7/2016 05:42:46 pm

Many thanks for your warm feedback, Tuncel. I wrote some reflections on 'touch' from a contrasting UK cultural perspective that you may find interesting: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/a-touching-place Let me know what you think? All the best. Nick

Richard John Barr

22/7/2016 05:45:12 pm

Some very interesting comments made here -I like all of you have my own core beliefs - but I know one thing for sure we and our clients can and do set goals for ourselves the trick is to remember that the universe will make it happen when it knows we are ready not always when we think it should happen & as coaches / mentor we are only the catalyst for shifting change - Rick

22/7/2016 05:47:27 pm

Thanks for the note, Rick. I'm curious: what does 'the universe will make it happen when it knows' mean for you? I'm trying to imagine what it might mean for the universe to 'know' anything...but I may be taking the language too literally! All the best. Nick

Biodun Naomi Bamgboye

23/7/2016 08:32:01 am

Really interesting perspective. I'm also getting to the point I'm persuaded that the importance of the person must become the focus and central point of all work.. People are the central reason for organisational efficiency and effectiveness. Meeting people thus at the level where they're at; making complex organisational issues and decisions relevant to the people .. that is the higher goal. I wish i'd been thinking this way years ago.

23/7/2016 08:38:47 am

Hi Biodun and thanks for such a wonderfully honest response! Yes, I agree. I once wrote a dissertation on organisation development for my studies and used the title, 'Organisations Do Not Exist - People Do'. If we genuinely view and relate to one another as whole human beings with all that entails rather than, say, as abstract human resources (roles, hierarchical positions, job descriptions etc), it can completely transform organisational focus, engagement and potential. You may like this short related piece: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-see-you Let me know if it resonates too? All the best. Nick

Sanjay Arora

23/7/2016 11:49:14 am

Any job content without ethics will be short sighted and will never be satisfying.

23/7/2016 11:50:35 am

Thanks Sanjay. I agree...yet how often do we see ethics included in job descriptions and person specifications..? All the best. Nick

Jordan Braye

23/7/2016 10:29:55 pm

Hi Nick, great post! From my perspective, the short answer to what perspective should one take is that 'the person who is most consciously aware shows the most kindness/compassion etc'. Every conversation is an opportunity to demonstrate presence and awareness. This is what I believe is the essence of meeting people at the same level you speak here of.
The slightly longer answer I believe is in the heart of good governance. By that I mean we can debate on what the best policy or practice is when it comes to making business decisions; however at the end of the day there are core principles for those with the intention of service to others (as opposed to service to self). For example, the core principle of 'fairness'. This is reflected in the religious stance of 'treating others as you would want to be treated'. When applied to the business setting, it is reflected in the ability to develop and nurture collaborative relationships regardless of the environment we find ourselves in.

23/7/2016 10:36:19 pm

Thanks Jordan. I think that's a great point about good governance. It's something about what stance the organisation takes - which should be reflected in its brand, values, culture, policies, decisions, behaviours etc - which can affirm, inspire and reinforce the desired posture at a personal level. The reverse - if it makes sense to call it the reverse - can also be true. It's sometimes the attitude and actions of one individual, irrespective or role, that can influence, challenge and inspire the wider organisation (or even wider society) to adopt a different posture. All the best. Nick

Donn Boyer

24/7/2016 09:28:56 am

In our working with leaders and others, we talk about the bent knee ( or in France the extended hand) method of confrontation. If we remember to take the bent knee in our interactions we increase our value in modeling the approach we wish to grow in our organizations.

24/7/2016 09:30:58 am

Hi Donn and thanks for the note. Thanks for sharing such wonderful examples of physical language, posture and metaphor that hold the potential to transform the spirit and outcome of a confrontation! All the best. Nick

Citron Consulting

24/7/2016 09:32:16 am

Absolutely and that is the difference between a leader and a manager - living the behaviours not just saying them!

24/7/2016 09:35:22 am

Hi Citron Consulting (sorry - I don't know your name!) and thanks for the note. I wonder if it's less about the difference between a 'leader' and a 'manager' per se and more, perhaps, about the attitude, behaviour and stance of any person who inhabits either or both of those roles? What do you think? All the best. Nick

24/7/2016 05:47:23 pm

Hi Nick, I believe the leader can use the full spectrum of behaviours and compassion to encourage and enhance. The manager doesn't see the individual but rather just the outcome or output. However all should be employing ethics! Thanks Simone Mills - CAHRI

24/7/2016 05:51:51 pm

Hi Simone and thanks for the note. I think you are using harder distinctions between 'leader' and 'manager' than I see in practice. I tend to think as leadership and management as different outlooks, emphases and approaches on something like a spectrum rather than as a hard polarity. It means it's possible to have task focused leaders and people focused managers. The risk is that we get caught up in semantics! :) I agree that all should be employing ethics. All the best. Nick

Bruce Mabee, MS, CPLP

24/7/2016 07:22:41 pm

I find one further level of depth supporting your image of kneeling, Nick. A core question is how we engage the motivation of the people we want to help.

If we do something To them, it may kick them into action but also engage resistance and even diminish their ability. If we do something For them, it may achieve their goal, yet not build their strength for the next goal. If we do something With them, their energy and ours can combine and increase the strength for what they need to achieve.

The fourth, least-used posture is what I call "By Them." We sometimes help people best by refusing to help them, letting them decide and do what needs to be done. By Them also works by asking them to help us, reversing the "help." An outstretched hand.

I've been calling these "The Four Postures of Influence," TO, FOR, WITH and BY. (Consulting Discipline, 2009). Each is best at certain times; each is often overused.

Thanks for taking us into this territory!

24/7/2016 07:25:54 pm

Thanks Bruce. I do like your 'Four Postures of Influence'. Catherine Widdicombe, leader of a community development agency in the UK (AVEC), developed a similar model. She proposed 3 categories of intervention: directive, non-directive and positive withdrawal. The latter category corresponds with your 'by them'. I found that really useful. All the best. Nick

25/7/2016 07:39:37 pm

Thanks, Nick, for letting me know about Catherine Widdicombe's model. You may also be aware that the famous "Flawless Consulting" model of Peter Block includes three modes of consulting, Expert, Pair-of-Hands and Collaborator. I find those three very similar to my To, For and With postures.

25/7/2016 07:42:10 pm

Thanks Bruce. Yes, Block's model reminds me of a similar model I developed for business partnering practice in the L&D world: http://www.nick-wright.com/the-partnership-business.html May be of interest? All the best. Nick

Femi Badaki

25/7/2016 04:29:23 pm

I am most grateful for your thoughtful piece. Like all profound elements of practice, these concepts are simple, almost obvious. The challenge however is always in the application.
You asked: Is the luxury of ‘meeting people as people’ a great ethic but one we cannot really afford to indulge in?
My answer is another question - Is the need to meet people as people a luxury or the essential foundation of practice?
Whenever or wherever I am unable to answer the last question to my satisfaction, I choose not to engage. Please don't get me wrong. I could do with a lot more money than I have access to. It is still a wonderful place to be, when you are able to choose the type of support you can offer.

25/7/2016 04:35:10 pm

Hi Femi and thanks for your kind note. I really like your reframing of that question to, 'Is the need to meet people as people a luxury or the essential foundation of practice?' Well said. It sounds like ethics are important to you too. You may find this related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/integrity Let me know if it resonates? All the best. Nick

Robert Dallmann

26/7/2016 02:58:49 pm

"We were trained there to crouch or kneel when speaking with a person in a wheel chair, not to stand over them."

My response: When I was in ministry in New York City and we went out at night to the homeless, we taught people the same thing. Get down on the ground with them and talk face-to-face.

This was one of the most powerful ministries that I have been involved with.

26/7/2016 03:01:03 pm

Thanks for sharing such an inspiring experience, Robert. You reminded me of a time when I visited street children in Cambodia with World Vision. We sat down in the street with them at night, in lamp light, and shared food, drink and stories together. A deeply humbling spiritual experience. The Lord bless you. Nick

26/7/2016 08:14:24 pm

Working with the homeless was truly a humbling experience.

There were times when I was sick and someone else would lead my team... the homeless led my team in prayer for me!

When I got married, one of the homeless men sent a gift up to the wedding with one of the ministry leaders who attended.

God is so good and faithful... when we take steps of faith in Christ.

26/7/2016 03:02:45 pm

I like your four-mode model for its definition of different ways we need to treat each other in a business partnership. It has some parallels to Block's model and to my Four Postures.

The two main differences I see between your Partnership modes and my Postures: 1) Partnership spells out stable aspects of the relationship; Postures aim for behavior that needs to adapt and change, often minute-to-minute. 2) The To Them posture is an active push, sell, drive mode, which has consequences, yet which can be the best option during crisis or as a shake-up intervention.

If you see other similarities or differences, I'd love to know what you see. Bruce

26/7/2016 03:06:57 pm

Hi Bruce and thanks for the note. Yes, I think those are really interesting observations. My sense is that, in order to be effective in a transformational sense, posture and relational modes depend on underlying beliefs too, not simply behaviours. Here's a short piece on that topic: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/believe Thanks again for your stimulating insights and reflections! All the best. Nick

27/7/2016 02:59:09 pm

Absolutely! Our beliefs both drive us and belie our behavior. Interactive.
Thanks, NIck, for starting, and then staying involved in, this good little conversation.

27/7/2016 03:00:50 pm

Thanks to you too, Bruce. Interestingly, as well as beliefs driving our behaviour, our behaviour can drive our beliefs too. It's an interative process. All the best. Nick

Ric Small

29/7/2016 09:00:30 am

This is a good subject, Nick, especially in light of what this world seems to be all about today: themselves. As a business owner (35 yrs this November) in arguably one of the Top 5 hated industries (insurance) i found out many years ago that to be a true Christ Follower, i had to give everything to Him (Sounds like a "Duh" moment, but many business owners don't get what this truly means). Our co. mission statement is on back of all of our business cards and begins with, "First and utmost, our agency will honor Jesus Christ in the way we serve our clients." This statement is our way of business, and does not just pertain to our "large clients", but also to the small, struggling family who are just try to "stay legal" with their insurance. The passage we style our business after is Col. 3:23-24. Our goal is to NOT look like an insurance agency, but as a co. with concerned for our community.

29/7/2016 09:03:15 am

Thanks for the note, Ric. It's great to hear that you and your insurance company take your Christian ethos and values so seriously. 'Concern for the community' is a great posture and stance to work from. You may find this related short piece interesting? Let me know what you think. Jesus bless you! Nick

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