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Prostitute

11/4/2021

50 Comments

 
It was very hot that day. I sat on a bench at the roadside to drink a cool Pepsi. Girls walked back and forth along the roadside hoping to attract the attention of a wealthy foreigner. Some Indian business men sat down beside me and opened a conversation. ‘Are you here with work or for a holiday?’, and ‘Aren’t these Thai girls beautiful?’ They went on to explain that this was one of their main reasons for coming to Thailand, a recreational dimension – as they saw it – to their otherwise busy work life.

Curious, I asked, ‘What do you know about these girls – their lives, I mean?’ The man beside me looked puzzled: ‘What do you mean?’ I explained I was working in Thailand with a Christian NGO and that, from what I had heard, many of these girls were desperately poor and trying to eek out a living by street walking. ‘Yes, they are very beautiful’, I said, ‘Yet to pay them for sex would feel, to me, like taking advantage of their vulnerability.’ He looked stunned, thoughtful, and went very quiet.

‘I’d never thought about that before,’ he confessed. ‘I’d never really thought about the girls as real people with real lives.’ And then, with a half-grin, ‘…and now you have ruined my holiday!’ At that moment, one of the girls sat down beside me, linked her arm through mine and gazed up at me with deep, dark eyes. ‘Is this your first time in Thailand?’, she asked. ‘Are you here for work or on holiday?’, ‘Which hotel are you staying at?’, ‘Would you like to take me to your hotel room?’

I thanked her for her offer and explained that, although I would be happy to sit and chat with her, I would not take her to my hotel room. ‘Why not?’, she asked with the cheekiest smile, ‘I could make you very happy!’ She persisted with a now pretending-to-be-hurt look on her face, ‘Aren’t I attractive enough for you?’ I responded that I’m a follower of Jesus, I was married and I was there with an NGO. ‘I want to honour God, my wife, the organisation I represent…and you’, I replied.

She looked genuinely surprised. ‘Most men come here and sleep with us with no care for their wives. They don’t appreciate what they have got.’ She went on to tell me that she was a single parent. Her 2 sons lived with her mother in a shack in the countryside while she worked in the city to support them. Her husband had been an alcoholic and had left them destitute. ‘Would you like to see a picture of my sons?’, she asked proudly. ‘Yes indeed’, I said as she revealed them on her phone.

She went on to tell me about her life and work in unabashedly graphic detail. Curious, I asked, ‘Aren’t you afraid to go to a hotel with a stranger? After all, he could be a violent man.’ She replied that if she felt scared, she would take a friend with her to wait outside of the room in case she needed help. ‘And do you ever worry about contracting serious diseases?’ Yes, she replied, ‘so I only have sex with men who look respectable.’ I winced inside at her naivety and risks she was taking.

I didn’t want to ask too many questions in case that too felt like an abuse, so now she asked me a question: ‘What are you thinking?’ I replied I was wondering what it might feel to sleep with so many strangers, and how I might handle that within myself. She explained starkly that it’s not love, it’s only physical, and that the girls never reveal their real names. They always use a pseudonym to protect their real identity and, psychologically, to separate their true selves off from what they are doing.

I was astonished and humbled by her willingness to share so openly like this with me, just another stranger. I asked if it would be OK to ask her one more question, without her feeling any pressure to answer. ‘Yes, of course’, she replied. Taking a deep breath, ‘What’s your deepest hope for your life?’, I asked. She responded thoughtfully: ‘Simply to meet a man who would love me and my children so that we could be a family together. I don’t care how poor we are, just that we love one-another.’

I stood up, took her hands gently and said, ‘Thank you so much for spending this time with me and for sharing so honestly. I need to leave now because it’s getting late, but I will pray for you that God will give you what you dream of.’ She looked tearful. ‘Thank you for listening to me’, she said, and then quietly, ‘My real name is…X’ I almost cried. I felt so privileged to have spent this time with her. Please - never call a girl a prostitute, as if that’s all she is. Every girl is a person, and she has a name.
50 Comments
Rani Innes
11/4/2021 12:29:05 pm

What a moving human experience. Thank you for sharing this. I've lived in a couple of countries where they have such organised group 'recreational tours.

Reply
Nick Wright
11/4/2021 11:45:41 pm

Thank you, Rani. To be honest, I still feel quite tearful every time I remember this encounter and this girl. Yes, I too have seen this phenomenon in various other countries now including Cambodia, Vietnam and Philippines. I've also heard people attempt to rationalise it in terms of a transactional relationship: 'At least we are providing the poor with work and an income...'

Reply
Jackie Black
11/4/2021 04:21:52 pm

Simply written but hugely thought-provoking. Thanks Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
11/4/2021 04:22:36 pm

Hi Jackie - and thank you for such heart-warming feedback.

Reply
Veronica Ebanks
11/4/2021 04:23:24 pm

Thanks for sharing.

Reply
Nick Wright
11/4/2021 04:24:27 pm

Thanks Veronica - you're welcome.

Reply
Samantha Dillon
11/4/2021 04:55:53 pm

You saw the woman as a person like you and me, not as an "object of satisfaction". You gave her dignity and confidence. What a present for her!

Reply
Nick Wright
11/4/2021 11:46:46 pm

Thank you, Samantha. For me, the greater gift was that she saw me as a person too.

Reply
Gwen Griffith
11/4/2021 11:31:06 pm

Agreed!!
And you by asking permission to ask her questions made yourself vulnerable too. Feels like Jesus.

Gwen

Reply
Nick Wright
11/4/2021 11:43:12 pm

Thank you, Gwen. In all honesty, as I walked back to the hotel that night, I felt as if I had been in the presence of Jesus in this girl - and in the conversation that took place between us.

Reply
Chris Lever
11/4/2021 11:34:41 pm

I echo a comment already made. Simply and powerfully told. Should be printed and handed to all visitors.

Reply
Nick Wright
11/4/2021 11:37:03 pm

Thank you, Chris. Wouldn't that be great - especially if it included, too, the same story told by this girl from her own perspective.

Reply
Andrew Mayo
12/4/2021 12:08:51 am

A moving story, Nick - thanks for sharing.

Andrew

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 12:09:21 am

Thank you for your encouraging feedback, Andrew.

Reply
Sanjay Bhattacharya, PhD
12/4/2021 10:04:52 am

Thanks Nick for sharing your great witness to Christ in action. Truly inspiring.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 10:06:56 am

Thank you for such encouraging feedback, Sanjay. I was working with World Vision at the time and, in all honesty, I felt Christ witness to me profoundly through this girl.

Reply
Sanjay Bhattacharya, PhD
12/4/2021 11:24:23 am

Yes I know about you Nick. Your post was an expression of core values of World Vision.

Nick Wright
12/4/2021 11:33:48 am

Thank you, Sanjay. Yes, it was a privilege to work with World Vision for so many years.

I remember once arriving in Cambodia and seeing posters everywhere - including in hotel lifts - saying words to the effect of, 'Don't even think about it!' vis a vis child prostitution. It was a stark challenge to sex tourists visiting Cambodia - and I felt so proud to see World Vision's logo emblazoned at the bottom alongside that of the police service.

I also loved World Vision's strapline in the UK: 'Every child free from fear.' It faced head-on the vulnerability felt and experienced by so many of the poorest people in the world.

One of my greatest personal inspirations has been this amazing woman from among the poor in the Philippines. I've rarely met anyone who shines Jesus so brightly: https://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html

Billy Sam Varghese
12/4/2021 10:54:30 am

Thank you for sharing. It was moving reading her story & her human experience & struggles.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 10:55:36 am

Thank you, Billy. Yes, this girl and this encounter moved me deeply too.

Reply
Ian Henderson
12/4/2021 10:56:14 am

Nick, as you know I am rarely lost for words but, on this occasion I don't have any that captures your heartfelt care for other human beings my friend!!!

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 10:58:23 am

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, as always, Ian. I felt lost for words in trying to convey the depth of impact this person had on me...

Reply
Andrew Plummer
12/4/2021 10:59:30 am

Thank you for sharing this Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 10:59:54 am

Thanks Andrew. You're welcome.

Reply
Maria Takaendisa
12/4/2021 02:33:20 pm

Very touching. Who's behind the title? Who's behind the name?

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 02:36:26 pm

Thank you, Maria. Your questions reminded me of this humbling counter-experience: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/down-to-earth-with-a-slap

Reply
Maria Takaendisa
12/4/2021 04:51:08 pm

Conversations with children are such valuable life lessons.

Nick Wright
12/4/2021 04:51:51 pm

Yes indeed. Do you have any examples from experience that you would be happy to share here..?

Jo Flack
12/4/2021 10:49:11 pm

So often these girls are dehumanised and so was lift their humanity is revealed.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/4/2021 10:52:26 pm

Hi Jo. Yes, I was anxious about the risk of adding to that sense of dehumanisation by asking this girl questions. She, however, seemed keen to talk to a man who was willing to see her differently.

Reply
Sue Heatherington
13/4/2021 12:11:13 pm

Thank you for using your voice and sharing your heart Nick. We become the change we want to see by being open and vulnerable. In turn that gives courage to others 🌿

Reply
Nick Wright
13/4/2021 12:14:43 pm

Thank you, Sue. I hoped to give voice to this girl's voice too. The poorest and most vulnerable people often have have little opportunity to make their voices heard. On that theme, you reminded me of this short reflective piece that may be of interest? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/invisible7233722

Reply
Sue Heatherington
13/4/2021 04:46:53 pm

Lovely, thank you Nick. 🌿

Nick Wright
13/4/2021 04:47:40 pm

Thank you, Sue. You’re welcome. ☀️

Alistair Mitchell-Baker
15/4/2021 02:46:12 pm

Powerful story.

Reply
Nick Wright
15/4/2021 02:47:49 pm

Thank you, Alistair. It was a powerful experience for me and, I think, for her too.

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    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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