A rock and a hard place

2/12/2017

You may have heard the expression, ‘To hit rock bottom.’ It’s often used in relation to reaching the lowest possible place in life, a place that is in effect devoid of all resources and hope. To hit rock bottom suggests a falling experience – having fallen from a better situation…to a deteriorating situation…to the hardest of all possible situations where it really couldn’t get any worse. Some argue that when things get that bad, they may need to be so before we find ourselves motivated enough to make the necessary, fundamental – even drastic – changes needed to resolve or improve them.

There are some parallels with use of extreme, evocative images, e.g. that of a ‘burning platform’, in change leadership. This fire metaphor conveys that the status quo is under threat and that we, by extension, are under threat too unless we wake up, smell the proverbial coffee and…not sure what comes next…presumably drink it – or at least use it to douse the flames?! It’s like, ‘Change or die’. It suggests that, at times, we need to compel ourselves or others urgently by painting dramatic, real or imagined (and sometimes a bit of both) scenarios that radically incentivise or force us to change.

But do we really need to hit rock bottom or to face the wall first? Are there ways to galvanise sustainable change without prerequisite anxiety or near-despair? I believe we can learn here from the therapeutic arena. Some examples: in working with people at risk of free-fall, we can ‘raise the bottom’ or help ‘create firm footholds’ (e.g. support people early to face and deal with real yet less-devastating crises); use ‘motivational interview techniques’ that increase people’s intrinsic desire to change; use spiritual-existential coaching to help people build deeper and stronger foundations.

As leader or coach, have you ever hit rock bottom, felt yourself falling or worked with people who have? If so, who or what made a difference?

26 Comments

Morya Short

4/12/2017 06:55:33 pm

Hi Nick. I love the idea of ‘raising the bottom’ thanks for sharing.

In the spirit of reciprocation here are some articles you might like.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/mastering-art-letting-go-morya-short/

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/creative-power-emptiness-morya-short/

Nick Wright

4/12/2017 07:07:44 pm

Hi Morya. Thanks for the note. Yes, I discovered that phrase, that idea, in this insighful article on dealing with substance abuse: https://drugabuse.com/library/hitting-rock-bottom-myth/

Thanks for the links. They reminded me of work I encountered some time ago in the bereavement counselling arena. I was a bit alarmed to see 'Brexit, mass shootings and terrorism' all in the same sentence!

David Kiely

4/12/2017 07:11:41 pm

Dealt with a coachee who certainly thought they were at Rock bottom with nowhere to go. In the first session it was clear that it was only one aspect of his life which was causing the upset, but it had become all consuming. Adopted a systemic approach to the coaching relationship, evaluating the various systems that he was integrated in which helped build the belief that many aspects of his life were operating just fine. Once this foothold was established, and with it a bit of much needed Confidence, we could begin to focus on the specific problem and work towards resolution.

4/12/2017 07:15:43 pm

Hi David and thanks for sharing such an interesting and useful approach. Yes, when a person feels at rock bottom, it can be as if one dimension of their life and experience pervades and, in effect, overwhelms all others. You reminded me of this short piece that you may find interesting, based on insights from cognitive behavioural psychology and human givens? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/the-pertinent-ps

5/12/2017 12:14:34 pm

Thank you, will read and respond.

5/12/2017 12:15:34 pm

Thanks David. I look forward to hearing your comments.

Srihari Balasubramaniam

5/12/2017 01:22:53 pm

Nice post Nick. My perspective and my experience has been in situations when i kept falling into a bottomless bottom..and I felt life is one agonising trench...I could have stayed there and wallowed..but there was this one speech that I heard of my spiritual master who I now follow and have become a seeker that transformed me..I have been on that journey now making yoga and meditation as part of my daily rituals..also exploring positive psychology to figure out my character strengths and understanding areas that I can do better..I focus on this aspect when dealing with my teams at work, in terms of the strengths they carry and giving them assignments that play to their strengths.

5/12/2017 01:25:22 pm

Hi Srihari and thank you for sharing such an honest and encouraging story from personal experience. I'm curious - can you remember what you heard in the speech that had such a positive impact on you?

5/12/2017 03:31:05 pm

Sure Nick..it was a simple statement yet quite profound. My guru made this statement in terms of saying " where ever you are right now in your life is because of the choices you have made in your life ...the choices you make today is gonna determine your future" ..till then I had a tendency of whatever was happening in my life on externalities without really making myself aware that I am the creator of my experiences..so that was the moment of reckoning.

5/12/2017 03:33:58 pm

Thanks Srihari. Yes, sometimes the simplest things are the most profound. The sense behind the statement has some resonances with this short piece that you may find interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choose

5/12/2017 10:25:00 pm

Yes Nick...you have captured the essence of it in that post. Thanks for sharing these posts...it's a great way to broaden ones thinking...

5/12/2017 10:25:44 pm

Thanks Srihari and for your encouraging feedback!

Esther Blanche Scheidler

8/12/2017 07:07:06 pm

The most encouring realization is to know that we are not our body. The soul is eternal. I had many near-death experiences and most things people suffer from are not so very important. I teach from the place...but I also take everything seriously my clients work on.I am able to bring them out of any vally very very quick. The reason may be thát I know about the things beyond the material appearance.

8/12/2017 07:14:23 pm

Hi Esther. There are interesting parallels to what you say in Christian beliefs - which I hold - about Jesus as the rock on which we can build our lives, analogous to building a house on solid rock rather than on shifting and unstable sands. It sounds like you have been through some extreme experiences. I have been through a few of those too!

Tendai Kufa (MIPMZ)

11/12/2017 03:58:57 pm

It can happen at the work place, home, church and an endeavor where you are called to make difficult choices. Some will call it between the burst pipe and block toilet. It all depends on where you are standing

11/12/2017 04:00:17 pm

Hi Tendai. I'm intrigued - can you say more about 'between the burst pipe and blocked toilet'? It's not a metaphor I am familiar with.

SueAnn Freeman, MA, PCC

11/12/2017 04:02:28 pm

Nick my perspective shifted immediately to the same direction yours did. Rock bottom to me means a solid foundation on which I can build and help others to build. The song we sung as a child was build your house on solid ground not sand.

11/12/2017 04:06:37 pm

Thanks SueAnn. I think that's a really interesting alternative perspective on the idea and experience of, 'to reach rock bottom'. It suggests digging deep until we hit solid rock as a firm foundation on which we can build.

DeAnne Pearson, M. Ed., A.C.C.

11/12/2017 05:16:31 pm

I am with SueAnn, I see rock bottom as a place to be truly present to what is under our control, where we need to ask for help and a solid footing for our next step.

11/12/2017 05:22:49 pm

Hi DeAnne. I like the way you expressed that.

On occasions when I have hit rock bottom, I have felt so emotionally drained or overwhelmed that it has been hard to think straight. I've also had occasions when I thought I had reached rock bottom, only for that bottom to open up and to fall further!

In light of that, I believe the experience of rock bottom-ness can vary from person to person, from experience to experience, from moment to moment.

Where I have been willing to dig and to risk travelling deeper, I have found firmer foundations - including in Jesus - that have enabled me to gain a greater sense of control (insofar as that is existentially possible), to ask for help and to take a next step.

Derek Rowe

14/12/2017 11:57:39 am

We hit rock bottom only when we decide to turn things around. The turning point - i.e. when we stop plunging and start to rise again - defines how low we go.

I've experienced such a point quite a few years ago in a certain aspect of my life, and it wasn't pretty. However the solution I chose worked a treat.

Could I have kept plunging? Yes. The thing about rock is that, no matter how hard it is, it can always be drilled into!

14/12/2017 11:59:08 am

Hi Derek. Thanks for sharing honestly from personal experience. I think the notion of drilling into the rock adds an interesting new dimension to the metaphor!

John Johnstone

22/12/2017 02:44:10 pm

Hi Nick, stimulating thought piece - thank you for sharing. From my own experience some changes we make can be straight-forward but on some things, perhaps old patterns that have served us well but are now limiting, are hard to shift. In these situations the pain of continuing an old pattern often becomes quite strong to outweigh the fear / pain / discomfort of making a different choice. I like your notion of firm footholds - I think of it as finding support (current and new sources) and building inner and social resources that will help us move forward differently. A colleague of mine call's it 'people-ing up'. with best wishes. John

22/12/2017 02:49:44 pm

Thanks John - and for sharing your thoughtful reflections. It reminded me of some therapists who caution against trying prematurely to rescue a client from discomfort or distress - which we may be tempted to do in order to alleviate their, others' or our own suffering - and instead to stay with the person in their discomfort...for now. It is sometimes the crucible out of which something new, healing and life-giving can emerge.

John Prpich

1/1/2018 10:30:59 pm

If you've had any experience with addiction or substance abuse, you'd come to understand that you have to hit rock bottom before you can change your behavior. One of the greatest myths in business is that people believe they can change other peoples behavior, that's simply not true. Someone once told me, John, the older we get, the more we become who we are, and that's certainly is one truism. I don't see any difference in business. From my experience, the best example is how leaders ignore or refuse to recognize data that's presented to them, which they ignore and then go ahead to make a contrary decision. Recently I'm reminded of the CEO of Nokia crying, telling people we didn't do anything wrong, perhaps that was his rock bottom, let's see how he recovers.

1/1/2018 10:33:20 pm

Thanks John. In relation to addiction or substance abuse: on the question of whether 'you have to hit rock bottom before you can change your behaviour', you may find this short article interesting? https://drugabuse.com/library/hitting-rock-bottom-myth/