NICK WRIGHT
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact

Seen and unseen

12/10/2017

34 Comments

 
Picture
Have you ever felt truly seen? Perhaps the romantic gaze of a secret admirer from across the room? Perhaps a boss, colleague or friend who acknowledged your best efforts, talents and achievements? Perhaps an encounter where you felt exposed, vulnerable – and yet accepted? There’s something about being seen that can be and feel tremendously affirming, reassuring and life-giving. In some cultures, it’s as if we don’t truly exist until seen by another; whether that be e.g. God, a lover, a friend or a family member. In some deep existential way, I know that I am because you perceive me.

Consider the alternative: how it is to be and to feel unseen, ignored or invisible. It’s as if, somehow, our very humanity, value and existence can be unrecognised, marginalised or diminished. It can feel socially, psychologically and existentially alienating. I was struck, therefore, by the moving example of a student friend in the Philippines this week who spontaneously stepped outside her own world. This girl visited and said hello to some of the poorest people who live in shacks at the roadside beside her college. In this simple-yet-profound act she saw the unseen and, in doing so, the invisible became visible.
​
I believe there are parallels in our organisations here. I think back to some amazing leaders and colleagues who have seen me, often spotting gifting and potential that was not-yet-alive in my own awareness. I also think back to places that have felt stifled by hierarchy and bureaucracy, where people were viewed by job titles and as employees rather than as whole, creative, wonderfully-complex human beings. As leader, coach, OD or trainer, who do you see and not-see? What have been your best/worst examples of seeing and being-seen? What can you do to see the unseen..?
34 Comments
Ruby Manalac
12/10/2017 09:03:20 pm

In one of my talks about Emotional Intelligence i spoke about Sawubona which is hello in African Zulu.It means i see you, i see your humanity, i see your dignity when relating to another person.Beyond that, the dreams, aspirations, feelings that should make us all connected.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/10/2017 09:07:13 pm

Hi Ruby. Yes, there are strong resonances with this previous related blog: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-see-you What you describe sounds like an interesting combination of emotional, social, spiritual and cultural intelligence.

Reply
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
12/10/2017 09:04:15 pm

What a moving article Nick. Many years ago l did my best to be invisible. I had a mentor at my church. He saw me and put me in a leadership position. I was full of anxiety but knew it was right. He also saw the Counsellor in me and encouraged my training. I owe him a lot.

Reply
Nick Wright
12/10/2017 09:09:03 pm

Thanks Stella. I found your personal story moving too. On reflection as a counsellor, what do you think lay behind your desire to be invisible?

Reply
Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
12/10/2017 11:29:41 pm

Thank you Nick. Now l feel able to be seen. Perhaps what l am about to share will help someone. I wanted to be invisible because l had very low self esteem leading to a sense of not being good enough and a fear of failure. I am so grateful to God, my mentor, my lecturers at Waverley Abbey College where l trained to be a Counsellor and my two personal Counsellors.

Nick Wright
12/10/2017 11:34:00 pm

Thanks for your openness and honesty, Stella. Yes, I think there are all kinds of reasons why we may desire, choose, to be unseen. Often it is associated with an anxiety of sorts; whether the source of anxiety is real or imagined. Interesting that you trained at Waverley. I did 4 weeks' residential training there with Selwyn Hughes. A long time ago now!

Stella Goddard BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)
13/10/2017 10:38:42 am

Nick - These words struck me 'I think back to some amazing leaders and colleagues who have seen me, often spotting gifting and potential that was not-yet-alive in my own awareness' Being at Waverley was life changing - what an incredible place and experience. It is good to be free of the distorted core beliefs I had and able to see the truth about myself. This is a really important aspect of my work with my clients. The truth sets us free.

I concur with your thoughts. There is always a narrative behind the beliefs, thoughts, feelings and response which is crucial to listen to in my work.

I met Selwyn Hughes on two occasions - what an incredible man he was and what a legacy he has left. Good to hear that you have also experienced training at Waverley.

Nick Wright
13/10/2017 10:40:09 am

Thanks Stella. 'The truth will set you free.' I agree - and it's a really interesting one when viewed through a social construction lens! :)

Christine Manolakos
17/10/2017 06:19:20 pm

Excellent post. Thanks for sharing.

Reply
Nick Wright
17/10/2017 06:19:52 pm

Thank you for such encouraging feedback, Christine.

Reply
William C. Hensel
17/10/2017 11:58:01 pm

Thanks, Nick. Two quick associations: the intimate greeting among the Na'vi in 'Avatar': 'I see you.' And a line from Abe Lincoln, 'I'm a success today because I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn't have the heart to let him down.'

Reply
Nick Wright
17/10/2017 11:59:13 pm

Thanks William. Great resonances there. You may find this associated short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-see-you

Reply
Maria Wiley
18/10/2017 02:40:48 am

Nick, what a wonderful topic for conversation! As a trainer I’m in the fortunate position to be able to spot and affirm the often hidden or unseen ideas and talent that people bring to the table. Most often it is some time down the track that a student will come back to me and let me know that my acknowledgement at the time was valued and meant a great deal to them.
To be affirmed and to be valued is a powerful thing.

Reply
Nick Wright
18/10/2017 02:49:18 am

Hi Maria. Thanks for sharing from personal experience. I've noticed that some trainers - subconsciously - notice and affirm people who are most outwardly attractive, extroverted, enthusiastic etc. This can inadvertently leave people who are less classically 'attractive', more introverted or more reflective feeling unseen and unvalued. Good to hear how students have felt acknowledged, affirmed and valued in your classes!

Reply
Gage Andres, M.A.
18/10/2017 09:38:08 am

Being seen can create such a huge impact within a person, reinforcing and further developing their skills and strengths. Conversely, hierarchy and getting lost in the bureaucracy can certainly stifle that growth, not only impacting an employee's growth but their productivity, engagement, and overall company culture. Great read!

Reply
Nick Wright
18/10/2017 09:46:34 am

Thanks Gage! Well said. I worked with one organisation recently where people said they felt overly-constrained by job descriptions whereas they actually wanted to contribute so much more as whole human beings. A lack of opportunities to contribute more fully was creating frustration and disappointment, especially among those who were most engaged. It's as if they were viewed by the organisation through the lens of 'job/role' rather than 'person with a wealth of energy and experience to offer'. One person commented that, 'It's as if we are seen for everything we know and can do at interview...but then so much of that becomes unseen once in role.'

Reply
Lisa Etzel LCPC BCC
18/10/2017 12:51:17 pm

It is my belief that we all have the innate desire to be seen. As humans we create relationship whether it be for five seconds, five years or longer where we are seen in many different ways. This openness allows for understanding and vulnerability in many different facets of the client's life through vulnerability our possibilities are endless. This is one reason I love coaching as the relationship is such a gift to be part of and for us to truly SEE someone and then the expansion to be seen by many people in different ways in the clients lives. In the Aboriginal culture they do not say hello or how are you. Aborigines say 'I see you'.

Reply
Nick Wright
18/10/2017 12:55:53 pm

Hi Lisa. Yes, isn't it curious how important it is to us to be 'seen' by another? This desire seems to lay deep in the human psyche and relationships. I remember working with one girl who said to me afterwards, 'I didn't see myself until you saw me'. Very moving and profound. The aboriginal cultural greeting you mention resonates with a Zulu greeting too: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-see-you

Reply
Cindy Espenshade
19/10/2017 03:23:17 pm

This situation really exist in the Philippines for I have seen and grew up an environment like this. Just fortunate to be given an opportunity to experience a better life here in the United States.

Reply
Nick Wright
19/10/2017 03:24:02 pm

Thanks Cindy. It sounds like you have been through some very big life changes!

Reply
Don Philip Faithful
19/10/2017 05:34:36 pm

This is a problem for me since, although I periodically see people, more often than not I see them by the work that they do and the numbers that they generate. It's why I'm thankful for the research I have done - examining management records spanning several decades. I am aware of the alienation and reification that workers can experience - how operations can sometimes become disassociated from underlying social and business realities. I also make an effort to ensure that the characterization of performance is fair, constructive, and in the best interest of the organization in light of its broader strategic objectives.

Reply
Nick Wright
19/10/2017 05:39:24 pm

Thanks Don. I love the openness and honesty in your response. I think you expressed the dilemma well: 'the alienation and reification that workers can experience - how operations can sometimes become disassociated from underlying social and business realities'. I believe this touches on fundamental underlying personal, organisational and social-cultural beliefs about what organisations are and who or what they exist for.

Reply
Paul Brugman
21/10/2017 10:26:48 am

Thank you Nick. It's really a warm reminder for me.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/10/2017 10:27:33 am

Thank you, Paul. You're welcome.

Reply
Colleen M. Andrews
21/10/2017 10:28:26 am

I really like the way you sparked my thoughts with this post! I'm developing some leadership programs on succession planning and we tend to focus on numbers, data, and metrics. Things that don't always measure our people in ways that will create the successful, productive workforce that we're after. This is a great reminder to develop a holistic program that meets financial needs and improves employee engagement.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/10/2017 10:34:30 am

Thanks Colleen. That's an encouraging response and succession planning is a great place to consider how to 'see the unseen'. I worked with a leadership team recently where we were doing something similar. Drawing on the NLP idea that 'the map is not the territory', I reminded the team that 'the profile is not the person.' It's something about seeing people as they are, not simplistically through the lens of the framework (e.g. JD) that we superimpose onto them. In my experience, that's where the real potential for talent and engagement lays.

Reply
Rosa Antonia Carrillo
21/10/2017 10:35:32 am

Another reason why successful leaders spend less time in their office/computer and out getting to know people. Incidentally George H. Mead wrote long ago that we would not know we exist were it not for seeing our reflection in others.

Reply
Nick Wright
21/10/2017 10:38:04 am

Hi Rosa. Yes, I agree. And great quotation from Mead. There are some interesting ideas in psychodynamic theory and social psychology about how our sense of self is shaped by how we see our reflection in others.

Reply
Stephen Hanman
5/11/2017 03:11:21 pm

When people see each other and then are able to see themselves wonderful things can happen. Our book From Me to We: Design & Build a Collaborative Workplace that can be downloaded free of charge at www.CollaborativeEnquiry.com is a five year study of what in a Collabrative construction program. Changes people’s lives& made more money for everyone.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2017 03:15:17 pm

Hi Stephen. Apologies for the delay but I've just returned from 2 weeks in the Philippines. I spent some time facilitating confidence-building workshops for student teachers and coaching skills using positive psychology/team-building using appreciative inquiry with faculty and staff. It was a fascinating and inspiring experience. Participants were enabled to see themselves and each other in a fresh light...and I was able to see myself through new lenses too. A wonderfully enriching experience for all.

Reply
Michael Zroback MA, MEd
5/11/2017 03:16:49 pm

I think we can see the unseen when we engage in true conversations with others . Not the kind of conversation typified by, "Hey, how about those Leafs!" but the kind created by the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA) which takes the participants through four levels of conversation and produces a well-rounded exchange. We need more of these in organizations!

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2017 03:20:02 pm

Hi Michael. Yes, I like the ICA's emphasis on 'the human factor'. Learning presence, hearing, seeing, sensing etc. at the deepest levels in conversations and relationships can be truly transformational.

Reply
Aldo Delli Paoli
5/11/2017 03:20:54 pm

To be able to count on the support and trust of other people would be ideal to be able to select carefully its employees, making sure to always be surrounded by people who share values. But in any case, to put employees in a position to make the most of their potential, to be able to recognize the value of people, leader must be open to dialogue with them, go beyond the surface, try to figure out who is behind the face of each employee, feel their feelings, capturing the discomfort that can develop within each group, taking time to understand the history, experiences. Knowing is involving, but involve also means to understand, to listen, to communicate.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2017 03:22:14 pm

Hi Aldo. I agree - and I think you expressed that beautifully.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

    Picture
    Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
    Subscribe to Blog
    Picture
    Picture


    ​Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Ability
    Accountability
    Achievement
    Act
    Action
    Action Learning
    Activism
    Adaptability
    Adaptive
    Advent
    Adventure
    Africa
    Agency
    Agile
    Ambiguity
    Angle
    Anticipation
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Asia
    Assumption
    Assumptions
    Asylum
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Authority
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Bias
    Bible
    Body Language
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Calling
    Care
    Career
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Change
    Character
    Charity
    Child
    Choice
    Choose
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Clarity
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Commitment
    Communication
    Community
    Compassion
    Competence
    Competencies
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Conflict
    Confluence
    Congruence
    Consciousness
    Construct
    Constructs
    Construe
    Consultancy
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Control
    Conversation
    Corruption
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Credibility
    Crisis
    Critical Consciousness
    Critical Reflection
    Critical Reflective Practice
    Critical Reflexivity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Customers
    Customer Service
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Deferred Gratification
    Definition
    Delusion
    Democracy
    Depression
    Determination
    Development
    Deviance
    Deviant
    Diagnosis
    Disaster
    Discernment
    Disclosure
    Discovery
    Discrimination
    Disruptive
    Dissent
    Dissident
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Diversity
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamics
    Easter
    Ecology
    Edge
    Edi
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Eliciting
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Empowerment
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Environment
    Equality
    Eternity
    Ethics
    Ethiopia
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Evocative
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Facilitation
    Faith
    Fear
    Feedback
    Feeling
    Feminism
    Figure
    Filter
    Fit
    Flashback
    Focus
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freedom
    Freud
    Fun
    Future
    Gender
    Geopolitical
    Geopolitics
    Gestalt
    Global
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Grit
    Ground
    Group
    Guidance
    Healing
    Health
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hero
    Hope
    Human
    Human Givens
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Human Rights
    Humility
    Humour
    Hybrid
    Hypotheses
    Hypothesis
    Icon
    Ideation
    Identity
    Image
    Imagination
    Impact
    Impostor
    Inclusion
    Independence
    Influence
    INGO
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insecurity
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Instinct
    Integrity
    Intention
    Interdependence
    Interference
    International
    Interpretation
    Intimacy
    Introversion
    Intuition
    Invisible
    Jargon
    Jesus
    Journey
    Jungle
    Justice
    Keys
    Knowing
    Knowledge
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Learning
    Lesson
    Liberal
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Marathon
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Mindfulness
    Miracle
    Mirroring
    Misfit
    Mission
    Mode
    Morality
    Motivation
    Mystery
    Narrative
    Nazis
    Need
    Negotiation
    Neo-Nazi
    Networking
    News
    New Year
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Online
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Organisation
    Organisation Develoment
    Organisation Development
    Origin
    Pace
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Partnership
    Passion
    Pastoral
    Pattern Matching
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Perseverance
    Personal Constructs
    Personal Leadership
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physicality
    Plan
    Plans
    Plato
    Play
    Plot
    Polarity
    Policy
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Poverty
    Power
    Practice
    Pragmatism
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Preferences
    Prepare
    Presence
    Principles
    Priorities
    Priority
    Privilege
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Process
    Professional
    Progressive
    Projection
    Projects
    Prompt
    Propaganda
    Protection
    Protest
    Providence
    Provocative
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Quality
    Questions
    Race
    Radical
    Rational
    Rationale
    Rationalisation
    Rationality
    Reality
    Reason
    Reasoning
    Reconciliation
    Recruitment
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reflexivity
    Reframing
    Refugee
    Refugees
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resonance
    Resourcefulness
    Responsibility
    Responsive
    Responsiveness
    Revelation
    Reward
    Rights
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Sabbath
    Satire
    Satnav
    Saviour
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Secure Base
    Security
    See
    Selection
    Selective Attention
    Self
    Sense Making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Serendipity
    Servant
    Shadow
    Significance
    Silence
    Sin
    Skills
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Space
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Stealth
    Stereotype
    Stereotypes
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Struggle
    Stuck
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Success
    Suffering
    Supervision
    Support
    Survival
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactical
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teaching
    Team
    Teamwork
    Teenage
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Toys
    Traction
    Trade
    Tradition
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trauma
    Trust
    Truth
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    Vallues
    Value
    Values
    Violence
    Visibility
    Vision
    Voice
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Vulnerable
    Waiting
    War
    Wealth
    Weird
    Wellbeing
    Will
    Willingness
    Window
    Wisdom
    Wonder
    Words
    World
    Worth
    Youth
    Zoom

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact