NICK WRIGHT
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Sharp

2/11/2022

26 Comments

 
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‘If the blade is not kept sharp and bright, the law of rust will assert its claim.’ (Orison Swett Marden)

‘Clients value moments when a (coach) listens in a way that allows them to know that they are being heard, shares a relevant reflection, or asks a question that makes it possible to see an issue from a different perspective. By contrast, the hope that (coaching) might make a positive difference may be terminally undermined by selective or inattentive listening, awkward or self-serving personal disclosures or interrogative lines of questioning.’ (Julia & John McLeod, The Significance of Being Skilful, Therapy Today, BACP, November 2022).

Writing in the context of counselling and therapeutic practice (which I have taken the liberty of re-applying to coaching here), McLeod and McLeod comment that practitioners often associate skills practice with training at the start of their career, rather than with an on-going development journey throughout their career. Many of the skills themselves are common to ordinary human relationships. ‘(Coaching) skills can be understood as comprising the application of generic interpersonal and communication skills for a specific purpose.’

It's as if an effective coach takes normal skills, hones them to a very high standard, then applies them intentionally and in a focused way to enable change with-for a client. A challenge lays in how to do this well, with wisdom and discernment, given that there are so many dynamically-complex factors in a client relationship and context that can fundamentally influence what the client will experience as beneficial.  ‘The implementation of a skill in a real-life situation requires a capacity to improvise in response to what is happening in the moment.’
​
This is where on-going critical reflection and development is so important, perhaps with a supervisor or mentor or in an action learning set. ‘By creating opportunities for revisiting deeply ingrained ways of relating to others, the process of developing (coaching) skills can be both emotionally challenging and life-enhancing…(including) a capacity to maintain skilful and responsive contact with clients in situations of emotional pressure, such as the client becoming demanding, angry with the (coach) or withdrawn.’ I agree. So – how do you stay sharp?
26 Comments
Jennifer Sanders
3/11/2022 10:15:53 am

Hi Nick, a thought provoking article. Is coaching the same as counselling?

Reply
Nick Wright
3/11/2022 10:22:52 am

Thank you, Jennifer. That's an interesting question. There are many different approaches to coaching, just as there are to counselling too. Whilst some of the skills used are the same or similar (e.g. storytelling, listening, sensitivity to emotional states, planning, conflict resolution: McLeod & McLeod) the purpose and orientation is different. Counselling has an explicit therapeutic orientation, whereas coaching does not. On that theme, you may find this short related piece interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/in-the-spotlight.html

Reply
Sandra Wallis
3/11/2022 10:24:30 am

Hi Nick. Thanks for sharing. Counsellors are expected and required to engage in on-going supervision as part of their professional practice. Is that the same for coaches?

Reply
Nick Wright
3/11/2022 10:27:30 am

Hi Sandra. That's a good question too. In the UK, coaching is an unregulated industry. However, coaching bodies such as the International Coaching Federation, or European Mentoring & Coaching Council prescribe what they regard as 'good practice' standards in coaching, and encourage coaches to engage in continuous professional development.

Reply
John Davies
3/11/2022 10:29:03 am

I hadn't really thought about coaching skills as an enhanced form of ordinary relational and communication skills. Thanks Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
3/11/2022 10:31:02 am

Hi John. You're welcome. It means that, when training coaches, we can explore appreciatively what they already do well, and what would enhance their practice when working with clients.

Reply
Angela Marriott
3/11/2022 10:33:41 am

Hi Nick. It's not only about improvising in response to what is happening in the moment. It's about being sensitive to the client's culture (e.g. normative beliefs, values and behaviours).

Reply
Nick Wright
3/11/2022 10:36:01 am

Hi Angela. I agree. That's a good and important point. On that theme, you may find these short related pieces interesting?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/crossing-cultures
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/cross-cultural-coaching
https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/cross-cultural-action-learning

Reply
Paul Roberts
3/11/2022 10:37:19 am

Hi Nick. Good question. How do *you* keep yourself sharp?!

Reply
Nick Wright
3/11/2022 10:47:12 am

Hi Paul. I believe the value clients are able to access through working with me is relative to the resources that I am able to tap into. This includes my own spirituality, insights, skills and experience-base, as well as other resources via e.g. research and networking.

I have monthly sessions with my own coach that focus on critical reflective practice. I write articles and blogs (like this) as a way of thinking out loud and inviting conversation that stretches my own insights, knowledge and awareness - so thank you for responding!

I work with a diverse range of clients (individuals and organisations) in different cultures and contexts - which I find incredibly stimulating. I pray, read fairly widely and consciously expose myself to different countries, cultures and contexts as a way of learning.

Reply
Eric Williams
3/11/2022 10:49:04 am

Thanks for sharing Nick. I'm curious and I want to know, for you, what underpins your writing and practice as a coach?

Reply
Nick Wright
3/11/2022 10:53:53 am

Hi Eric and thank you for asking. Three core principles underpin all of my work: whether coaching, mentoring, facilitation, training of consultancy. These are:

*Prayer: opening myself and my work to God to see what he reveals and makes possible.
*Presence: ensuring high quality relational contact with those with whom I work.
*Participation: adopting an invitational stance and style that enables co-discovery with others.

Reply
Elizabeth Russell
4/11/2022 02:11:26 pm

Very timely for me, Nick. I needed this prompt!

Reply
Nick Wright
4/11/2022 02:12:43 pm

Hi Elizabeth. That’s good to hear! :)

Reply
Mark Hughes
4/11/2022 02:14:30 pm

Interesting blog, Nick. What’s an action learning set? It sounds vaguely familiar.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 11:28:43 am

Thanks Mark. An 'action learning set' is a small group of people who meet periodically, with a facilitator, to offer one-another peer-coaching as they work through significant challenges. It typically involves one person at a time thinking through a tricky, often complex, issue, whilst peers pose questions to enable the person to find their own solution - and then to act on it.

You may find this short related piece interesting? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/i-dont-know

Reply
Anna Lowther
4/11/2022 02:16:59 pm

I make a development plan at the start of the year. For example: read 3 books, attend 3 cpd training events.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 11:36:22 am

Hi Anna. That sounds like a great idea and approach. I sometimes ask myself at the start of a year what I'd like to know, understand and have experience of by the end of the year - then put steps in place to (as far as possible) ensure that becomes a reality. On this theme, you may find these short related pieces resonate?

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/new-year-resolutions
https://www.nick-wright.com/six-pillars-of-professionalism.html

Reply
Hans Vogel
4/11/2022 02:19:50 pm

Coaches and counsellors get paid for normal conversations. Why pay them?

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 11:39:46 am

Hi Hans. Your question reminded me of this short clip from the movie 'Crocodile Dundee', with the star's bemused comment about a person paying a therapist: 'Hasn't she got any mates?'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnvXnXTDTHE

Reply
Jasmin V.
5/11/2022 11:44:07 am

Hi Nick. I always try to do my best because I want to honour God in every part of my life. Life is a precious gift from God and I want to use every moment he gives me to make even the smallest difference for good in this world. Small things with great love. That's what matters to me.

Reply
Nick Wright
5/11/2022 11:46:39 am

Hi Jasmin - and well said. That's my own life desire and passion too. On that note, you may find this article resonates? It is based on a talk I was invited to give at a CPD conference in the UK:

https://www.nick-wright.com/sense-of-destiny.html

Reply
James Henman, PhD
6/11/2022 06:07:04 am

Nick,
You couldn’t be more right! As a psychologist in private practice for 40 years, applying Therapeutic Life Coaching to a wide range of presenting problems , I have seen countless clients with similar problems, and it would be easy to stop seeing each client as unique, and begin to think of them as another toxic marriage, another depressed or anxious person. When you begin to be in automatic pilot in your sessions, often thinking of other things, the therapy/coaching process usually begins to feel boring. Over the years I’ve seen any number of clinicians feel “burned out“, and begin to wonder how long until they will be able to quit.

I love the coaching as much today as I did 40+ years ago. Each session is a unique spiritual experience. Each client is precious to God and deserves a full lantern light to experience and grow through the learning process. The Lantern is a loving, nurturing light that shows respectfully in all directions. It shines a non judgmental light of accuracy both inside and out, generating a desire to learn and grow. There are no double standards with a lantern. It helps them build their own inner coach.

Reply
James Henman PhD
6/11/2022 06:09:11 am

Nick,
You couldn’t be more right! As a psychologist in private practice for 40 years, applying Therapeutic Life Coaching to a wide range of presenting problems , I have seen countless clients with similar problems, and it would be easy to stop seeing each client as unique, and begin to think of them as another toxic marriage, another depressed or anxious person. When you begin to be in automatic pilot in your sessions, often thinking of other things, the therapy/coaching process usually begins to feel boring. Over the years I’ve seen any number of clinicians feel “burned out“, and begin to wonder how long until they will be able to quit.

I love the coaching as much today as I did 40+ years ago. Each session is a unique spiritual experience. Each client is precious to God and deserves a full lantern light to experience and grow through the learning process. The Lantern is a loving, nurturing light that shows respectfully in all directions. It shines a non judgmental light of accuracy both inside and out, generating a desire to learn and grow. There are no double standards with a lantern. It helps them build their own inner coach.

Reply
James Henman, PhD
6/11/2022 08:33:06 am

Nick,
You couldn’t be more right! As a psychologist in private practice for 40 years, applying Therapeutic Life Coaching to a wide range of presenting problems , I have seen countless clients with similar problems, and it would be easy to stop seeing each client as unique, and begin to think of them as another toxic marriage, another depressed or anxious person. When you begin to be in automatic pilot in your sessions, often thinking of other things, the therapy/coaching process usually begins to feel boring. Over the years I’ve seen any number of clinicians feel “burned out“, and begin to wonder how long until they will be able to quit.

I love the coaching as much today as I did 40+ years ago. Each session is a unique spiritual experience. Each client is precious to God and deserves a full lantern light to experience and grow through the learning process. The Lantern is a loving, nurturing light that shows respectfully in all directions. It shines a non judgmental light of accuracy both inside and out, generating a desire to learn and grow. There are no double standards with a lantern. It helps them build their own inner coach.

Reply
Nick Wright
6/11/2022 08:43:37 am

Thank you, James. I love how you expressed that so beautifully. 'Each client is precious to God and deserves a full lantern of light.' You reminded me of Carl Jung's comment: 'Learn your theories as well as you can, but put them aside when you touch the miracle of the living soul.'

It's true that we can become dulled to the unique and special person in front of us. I remember a Christian nurse once telling me: 'Today, I cried. I had become so numbed to the suffering of others that I had lost touch with their, and my own, humanity. To cry again felt like a miracle from God.'

I'm continually inspired, humbled and challenged by my partner, Jasmin, in the Philippines. She loves Jesus, prays deeply and regards each moment with a person she meets as a 'sacred encounter'. In case of interest, here's one such example: https://www.nick-wright.com/candles.html

Reply



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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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